Women Are Racist

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No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.

African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.

I’m not going to hypothesize why – after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientist – but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.

White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.

Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?

Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.

Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:

Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).

Click here to read the whole article:

Update:

But wait, there’s some “good news” from those same researchers.

A few days later, after looking at 300 reader comments, researchers sent some surprising news back.

Daters who discriminate by race… also temper these biases once they get to know one another.

“The researchers realize that their results can be depressing, but they also agree with the many readers who caution against reading too much into the preferences of online daters and speed daters. Yes, these daters clearly discriminate by race and height and looks and other superficial qualities, but they also temper these biases once they get to know one another.”

People who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or four minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session.

Click here to read the whole article.

What’s your view? To quote one researcher, Paul W.  Eastwick, “do those stated ‘turn-offs’ come back to haunt you later in the relationship, or are they permanently forgotten?”

Join our conversation (438 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 181
    Psych

    HUMAN is all there really is. If you have a race preference then you have a bit of racism in you. All of a sudden it’s not politically correct to be racist so all of a sudden no one is racist, they just don’t like people of this race lol. Just own your hang ups and in time they’ll change. People are people. You like someone because of their race is super shallow and speaks on your views on   race. It’s just genetic makeup. Ive dated beautiful women that had ugly personlities, ive date the I only like black guys women and they had racist view about how I should conduct myself?!?!? Ive date younger women which usually comes with unnecessary insecurities or way to intitled. Older women which are my absolute favorites because they realize that life is too short to be such a prude and just themselves. I’ve dated all women. The differences comes only from their environment. Southerners seem to be way more race conscious and black women   were worried about light n dark, west coast seemed to show me more love and less likely to judge, northerners were pretty aggressive but were cool , and eastcoast is hit and miss. The best were foreigners that just were interested in me and not all about them. If me being of African decent is the reason you will not view me as a attractive person, then you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself why that is? Ive recently fell in love with a little short   porcelain skin girl. We connect but she’s young runs from me?!? Maybe because she’s never been with a black guy, maybe it’s because she tends to date YES Men(submissive), or maybe because our love scares her. But Real preferences are lifestyle choices, intellect, and how a person treats others, more so characteristics, not race. This person could be everything you love and fall for them but you refuse because of race?!?! You Sound so foolish. Race has nothing to do with anything! it’s your perception of that race that paints the beauty or hideous lies that you tell yourself. lie to us to all you want but be truthful with yourself. Racism is learned, so it can be unlearned. It doesn’t mean you’re a nazi lol or you walk around in white sheets, it just mild form of racism. It’s not proactive racism that try’s to hurt others. It’s more on the lines of biasism. Be a person. Thank you

    1. 181.1
      HH

      HUMAN is all there really is. If you have a race preference then you have a bit of racism in you.  

      You are confusing reason and culture with instinct.   In terms of human interaction, with all the respect etc. it implies, of course there should be no differentiation. But physical attraction obeys to laws of its own – certainly not to political correctness. There are many people who simply are not attracted to people of a different race. They may like them, respect them, hang out with them, not even think of them in terms of race – but they wouldn’t sleep with them, because the sexual attraction is not there.

      If that’s “racist”, so be it. I personally certainly couldn’t care less what anyone chooses to call me. My buttons are not pushed by other people’s labelling.

       

  2. 182
    HH

    People who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or four minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session.

    I don’t see how one could “relax their standards” in the case of race. Whether people like or or not, it is a matter of instinctive preferences. I’ve never felt physically attracted to people of other races, with the exception of a few (very few) black/mulatto men. I love dearly a few Asian people I know; I am just not attracted to them. Period. It’s a matter of biology; it has to be, because I’ve lived in several countries, on different continents, so it’s not that I don’t know other races. I am just not attracted to them.

     

    1. 182.1
      Tyrone

      I’d argue that its not (total) a matter of biology or instinct. You could say that you just aren’t attracted to, for example, Asians and leave it at that. But that isn’t an explanation as to why (not that you owe anyone such explanation, just pointing it out). If you wanted you could list specific reasons why you don’t find other races physically attractive, just as you could list physical features that you find attractive within the race that you do like.

    2. 182.2
      Anders

      HH, you’re right. Well over 90% of black men are with black women. Most people of any given particular   race are with their own people.

  3. 183
    Charlie

    If your a non white guy, online dating sucks. I’m a   black guy and, I dont even bother tryna get with women

  4. 184
    dB

    For me it’s really quite simple: I’m white, and I’ve only ever been interested in white men. Save for a very few exceptions, I find all asian men completely unattractive, even quite ugly for the most part. Same with blacks, except they tend to look more manly and tend to have nicer bodies, but again, no attraction there. And note that I’m purely talking about physical appearance here. I think men in general fail to realize that women are very visual, same as men. Subconsciously, I think eeryone is looking for a partner who will help to pass down their genes. Most people, men and wmen, ant their children to look like themselves, regardless of rce. I know I don’t want my children t look black or asian, or anything but wite, like me. Therek4 nothiing racist about it, it’s just human nature, and it’s perfectly normal for most people to feel that way. Sure there are exceptions, but they only confirm the rule.

    1. 184.1
      AllHeart81

      Db, is it really necessary to tell us that you find Asian men ugly? Not being attracted to someone vs finding it important to tell others who you find them down right ugly is just not cool.   That’s like a man running around saying stuff like, “I think brunettes are ugly!”, “I think women with small/large chests are ugly!” …Who does that? You can’t really think it’s normal to talk about who you think is ‘ugly’.  
      I also think it’s important to point out that biologically, we actually seek people who have different genes and immune systems from ourselves. Otherwise, if we were simply seeking people who were similar to us, we would be interested in our own siblings and cousins.  
      Sure, there is a certain factor of commonality and like-mindedness that is attractive because of shared life experiences, and such. Which has a lot to do with socialization. You have probably been surrounded by white people most of your life and are more comfortable with white people. But nature is a complex system that is actually not biologically strengthened when we pick people with similar genes and DNA similar to our own. Nature is very much juxtapositioned by people seeking out people with diverse set of genes and immune systems from themselves to strengthen their genes.  It’s the reason incest creates birth defects.  
      I also need to say that people who have babies with other people of other races no more or less have children that don’t look like them then when two white people have babies. And in all honesty, more people are getting into mixed-race relationships because it’s estimated by 2050, that there will be more mixed-race people than whites. For the record, I am white too.  
      It’s rather telling that you felt you needed to claim you weren’t racist after making a lot of comments that well.  
      It’s one thing to not be attracted to people of other races. It’s another to suggest that having babies with people of other races will look less like you or the fact you thought it was okay to call asian men ‘ugly’ simply because you’re not attracted to them. Do you run around calling out everyone else you find ugly too?  

  5. 185
    New Order

    Huhhhh..

    Despite Jewish Hollywood’s negative sterotype of Asian men. (I just love how Jews in Hollywood love to paint themselves in positive light or as victims while disparaging others.)

    One out of three East Asian guys ( Korean,Japanese,Chinese) who were born or raised in US are marrued to white women. That’s according to gov”t stats. Thats a very high percentage. Also these couples have higher education and income levels than any other unions.   Meaning East Asian guys dont date lower class wonen.

    While Souheast Asian guys have much harder time. So I’m assuming they just lumped all Asians regardless of regional geography.

    Obviously recent immigrants are going to stick to their own as they are not assimilated.

     

     

    1. 185.1
      Michael Ejercito

      That should not be surprising. White women vastly outnumber Asian women in the U.S..

    2. 185.2
      Ivy

      Yes east asian men have high standards. And on appearance they are taller browder than south east asian men. I know some north east asian men date or married pretty white girls and they are very happy together, nothing to do with their races but true love chemistry.

       

       

       

  6. 186
    ICantEvenFindTheBox

    The evidence suggests that even though people may regard themselves as progressive, everyone has hidden stereotypes, biases and prejudices that influence their thinking. The frustrating part is that these were not taken on board by choice, they have been ingrained in us all by our parents, friends, teachers, peers, movies, media, books  and society. Due to our ego having the job of protecting our self esteem, the brain forgets those incidents and even covers up, that which shows us that we have these hidden prejudices, in order to maintain the notion that we are good people. In reality there are no good people, only people who possibly do good things. Our ingrained, unconscious  belief in stereotypes is the real reason as to why people are reluctant to date outside of  their ethnicity, why people impose height and weight restrictions and even fiscal restrictions on those we would be open to. Most people think that attraction is a mystical process, something that is ephemeral and undefinable, something that just is or isn’t, some of which is true, but at the behest of the other side: nurture. Our adaptive unconscious is one of the true driving forces of humans, able to make us act and do things that we have no idea we are going to do, only to have our conscious mind confabulate a reason for our actions. Our AU (adaptive unconscious) operates on learned associations, that is when we see, hear, feel, taste and smell things, it triggers an unconscious association with  the source of external input. You smell warm bread, it triggers all the things we associate with that smell, such as hunger and eating, comfort,  some may even have negative associations. Once all the associative neurons have fired, the output is then compared to a table of things held within our AU. It measures intensity of the output, the shape of it, its dimensions. It then sees which  feeling on the table best fits the output and generates  that feeling. This  is then conveyed to the conscious mind to which it experiences the generated feeling, and then associates an emotion to it. These associations are learned through experience, through repetitive messages, or through false experiences, such as substituting hours playing call of duty as real experience of what a battlefield is like. Some of those associations are hardwired and  most  are learned. Apply this to attraction. We see someone. Our learned, AU associations fire. Associations based on height, weight, skin colour, build, hair colour, apparent health. Some of the triggered associations will be positive, some will be negative. The output is compared to the table and a feeling is generated and passed  to the conscious mind. We interpret the feeling and if it fits our internal category of attraction, then we assume attraction. Combine this process with the positive and negative stereotypes that we unconsciously believe and  you can figure out how reluctance to date outside of ethnicity is simply the application of associated stereotypes. This is what marketing and advertising companies use to make money, the creation of unconscious associations. They are absorbed by us when we are not paying attention. When we run on autopilot, it is our AU that is directing our actions, monitoring our surroundings and it is when we are most open to the creation of associations. When someone’s says “would you like an apple?”, you are already thinking not only about the food source, but the massive software company as well, and depending on what your associations are in regards to those things; positive or negative, it will dictate your response.

  7. 187
    veik

    White women in America are in fact for many of them racists. If a White girl go out with an African American guy its just by interest Just see there rarely interatial marriages in the U.S, comunotarism dominates. Im Black French myself, but if I am proposed to put a White American woman and a German woman, if I have to choose, I prefer to go out with the German one. I didnt say Ill marry a White woman, but I prefer, as its just been said the Deutscher one.

  8. 188
    Ivy

    I’m a  Chinese-Japanese girl,   and I’ve been to many places, Many countries in North Asia, North America and West Europe.

    Guess what I found ?

    Asians in North America and Europe are soooo ugly!!

    I though about the reason.

    Because in any cultures, beautiful people usually don’t immigrate.

    Alpha males don’t like to go to somewhere which not their own’ territory’.

    And people immigrate to abroad are usually poors and nerds. Seeking better life.

    They need to be very academic smart to go abroad to study, not so much time to hang out with girls, meet friends.

    You need to study 15 hours a day!

    There are lot of attractive 6 feet over tall guys in northern china and South Korea, some in Japan( Japanese guys are shorter but they are fashionable, they look good.)

    This is one of the reason why you won’t find much attractive Asian outside.

    And lots of Asian men don’t find white girls attractive.

    Because Asian men like skinny   girls, they think most of white women look like a guy, except very pretty one.

    I must say the pretty white women are very very beautiful, but in north America, most of them are huge.

    And they age fast.

    Ugly Asian men and averagely huge white women, how they can find each other attractive?

    To date outside their race, Asian men prefer eastern mid Europe girls, they look more feminine than west Europeans and American.

    I won’t say there aren’t exceptions, there are lots of exceptions, but I’m just telling something I found.

    For women, most of attractive Asian girls are with Asian men.

    We date anybody we think sweet and attractive.

    Before the pretty girls think whether they should date a white dude, they are already taken by Asian alphas.

    My girl friends married white guys are absolutely ugly, none of any decent Asian men would take them.( Sorry but that’s so true)

    Not sure if my findings make me racist and mean.

    1. 188.1
      Henriette

      Not sure if my findings make me racist and mean.   I’m not sure if I’d use the terms “racist and mean,” but unappealing and unpleasant?   Yeah.

      1. 188.1.1
        Ivy

        Sorry girl if I made you uncomfortable, I feel my comment is extremely unpleasant’too.

        Just wanted to point out something realistic, love and relationship are built upon good personality and trust, but this world is not that beautiful.

        People do judge.

        Judge on your race career appearance cloth hand bags etc, a big smile is important, but…

        Really?

        I hope this world is changing.

        I have lots friends from different races, very nice to them, but some white girls get jelous if white men find me attractive.

        What’s that?! Not very nice right?

        We are friends.

        Some of them want to feel superior, asian shouldn’t be richer and prettier than them.   Surprising!

        I ve dated north asian men and white men, not attracted to dark skin like indian or black guys even they are super rich.

        I only date or get laid with over 6 feet tall men with good shape.

        These are my preference lots of people will find unpleasant.

        But I have friends they love dark skin. :), just preference.

  9. 189
    Adam

    As a serial interracial dater (white man, lots of Asian girlfriends) perhaps I can share a theory as to why men are so open to these pairings. Now, I accept that Asian women are beautiful and feminine etc, of course, but there are women of other races who are too. What is about Asian women that I love so much? I think they are in a mindset (when themselves dating me) that more closely mirrors the male mindset to dating. They want fun and romance and to have a good time! If I date a woman of my own (white european) ethnic group they quickly become very serious (too quickly for men). The white women I’ve dated have frequently in a not-so-subtle way inquired as to my income, future career potential, desire to settle down and sire young in the immediate future. NO MAN wants to hear this; if you’re impressed by my job I feel used and if you’re not I feel…shit. We want the beginning of relationships to be fun and stress free; if its to become a long term relationship it will happen organically. I understand if you’re 39 you feel you have to be focused, but I’m talking about women mostly in mid-twenties here. Perhaps if I was an Asian man I’d get this same fun, care free relationship from a white woman? What I mean is I think its the cross cultural aspect itself that allows these relationships to be so enjoyable, and has nothing to do with my whiteness or her Asianness. My advice to women of all backgrounds is to try be a fun person to date, don’t make a man feel like a stud horse whose suitability as a husband and father is being scrutinized at every turn. Putting too much pressure on things doesn’t work.

  10. 190
    J.rutt

    Yeah watchdog that is true. Average Asian man 8s 5ft5in. But shabazz was right. And as for white men they are not average small. They are 5ft10in about the same as black. Men. Point taken is that women only believe this misconception. There are a few more tall black men than white. So there is a little truth, but not the way women think. The taller the man usually means bigger below. And there are plenty of tall white men. Simple you put a 6ft2 white man next to a 5ft7 black man. And women would asume the black man is bigger because he is black. When no the white man will be way bigger. That’s how misconceptions get started. Because usually women who crossover are with white men who are shorter than the black man they will date. Because many of the tall white men will be with good looking white women. Neither usually date outside their race. Ask any color women who has dated a tall white man they can validate this. So your point is not valid. Because there is no average height gap between black and white men. Asians are average smaller than average height American women. 5ft5in. This accounts for their lack of size, but yes there are big Asian men.

  11. 191
    TheBlackMan

    Women are far more selective in whom they wish to date than ever, particularly with American or Americanized women.   They have become sheltered, spoiled, entitled, empowered, protected, and given the right to be all that.   Not entirely the fault falls upon women; parents spoil them, fathers overprotect them, and society teaches them to take instead of give.   Add in all the typical stereotypes and you have a dating disaster on our hands.   In general, Asian men are least favored.   But in sex dating and legal/illegal prostitution (in the form of escorting), Black men have it the worst.   This blatant biased is not limited to white women only.   Even if a woman is open to interracial dating, her family, friends, and community would not be, which puts too much pressure on committing to such a match.   The whole thing sucks.

  12. 192
    LindseyG

    Different strokes for different folks… I personally think black people (both women and men) are the most beautiful race of people.. coming from a white woman (successful and intelligent, thank you very much). I’d prefer to be of a darker hue or mixed if I had a choice.. I don’t try to be something I’m not; I just like what I’m attracted to. I’ve only ever dated black men. One of my girlfriends whose mixed race told me that black men will date outside their race but secretly inside they will always desire a black woman.. and I respect that, but it makes me wish I weren’t white.. I love all races of people and would befriend anyone. Prehaps attraction varies from person to person… honestly, there are hot people of every color and creed…. like, who wouldn’t want Jason Momoa, Charlie Hunnam, Hiroyuki Sanada or Morris Chestnut etcccc??

  13. 193
    Proudly Thankfully Black

    Every major atrocity known to humankind has been committed by white men. They’ve murdered more people, raped more people, kidnapped more people, stolen from more people, caused more wars than other groups, and degraded our planet more than any other group in human history.

    So the idea that white men as a group are the best kind of human is just a lie that white men have fabricated ro justify and mask the atrocities their group has committed against it’s own members and everyone else.

    The historical record and current statistics verify what I’ve said. So go ahead and think, because you’re a white male, you’re the best. If being the best comes from behaving like your race and gender has for centuries, no thank you, I’ll stick with being less than the best.

  14. 194
    Proudly Thankfully Black

    Also, Evan, you’ve said we should want the men who want us.

    Historically, white men have used black woman for sex, including by raping us. They’ve treated us as pleasure objects. I   even had a white man online tell me, in all seriousness, that he wouldn’t mind having sex with me — because the idea turned him on — but wouldn’t want to have a real relationship with me because his family would disapprove. His attitude is common among white men in my age group   although many wouldn’t admit.

    So why in the world should a black woman subject herself to being treated as less than with a man that devalues her? Black women don’t prefer black men because we’re racist. As the group oppressed on the basis of our race, from a sociological standpoint, we can’t be racist, only the group that benefits from oppressing us   (white people) can.   Black women prefer black men because, out of all men, they are the most likely to appreciate and respect us.

     

  15. 195
    Thankfully Proudly Black

    Another thing, I’m dating a white man now but will stop if he doesn’t get up to speed about the fact that   as a black woman, racism is woven into every aspect of my life. I will drop him if he won’t examine the continuous ways he, as a “good” peace-loving white man benefits from my continual oppression each time he accepts the unearned perks of being a white male. These perks aren’t benign. They are enjoyed at the expense of people of color like me.

    Case in point: Last week, I’m being waited on by a sales clerk. A white woman walks in. He begins to wait on her. I asked him why he was doing that when I was first. He said because my problem was complicated and hers was minor. I said but I was first. Are you waiting on over me because I’m black. The woman said “Oh I hope not” followed by a request for him to continue handling her issue so she could just go. Meanwhile, he blew up in a fit of indignate incredulous rage over my question.

    This is how “good” white people perpetuate the racist status quo: That woman really really ” hoped” racism wasn’t at play but still accepted the unearned benefit of possessing her omnipotent white card because she wanted to get her business taken care of — even if her actions directly impacted me in a negative way because they meant I was unfairly not served first.

    Whites like her go home and tell their friends and significant others about the awful injustice they witnessed, never realizing they perpetrated it. These “good” people represent the majority of white people, raving white supremacists do not.

    So, unless the man I’m dating — a “good” guy is willing to relinquish the unearned benefits of being white that directly oppress people like me, he’s out. I don’t need “good” men like him weighing me down when there is so much injustice in the world woven into the fabric of society and he benefits from it, instead of fighting it.

    There is even injustice in the way that stats like the one’s you, Evan, use in this article are manipulated to suggest that black women are somehow wrong for preferring white men.

    Stats are not infallible. They have routinely been used by white researchers to suggest black people are deficient, inferior, and undeserving of the perks white people freely enjoy every day.

    The stats in this article are no different. Here, you use them to subtly suggest that black women’s dating preferences are flawed and wrong.

    I will not date a man who passively looks at the world through his privileged lens and accepts his unearned benefits without taking responsibility in very real ways for fighting the injustice it perpetuates. Two essential ways he can do this is try to give up the perks that come at the expense of people like me and try to see the world I experience, try to look at the world through my eyes, to actively emphasize with me as I will do with him.

    The clock is ticking on the man I’m dating. If he can’t get with the program about racial injustice and how he benefits from it, if he just rolls along like there is nothing he — as one of the “good” white guys — can do about it. He’s out. I don’t need or want a man in my life who, like the woman in the store, doesn’t see it as his responsibility as a caring human to at least try not to use his white card — a man who values its infinite moment-by-moment benefits more than he values standing against the injustices that negatively affect people like me each time he uses it.

    I suggested the guy read the article linked here. He did and we discussed it. I am very much in “wait and see” mode with him. But the time I will remain here has a short shelf life.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culturally-speaking/201408/can-white-person-understand-the-black-experience

     

    1. 195.1
      Thankfully Proudly Black

      I said:

      There is even injustice in the way that stats like the one’s you, Evan, use in this article are manipulated to suggest that black women are somehow wrong for preferring white men.

      I meant:

      “…black men,” not white.

  16. 196
    Afro latino

    I just love man who love all humans the same! I love all races of men and I respect them because they’re are men. I just want some one to love me for who I am. I will gave you the world. I was taught to love all the same no matter where there come from. I am Afro Latino woman I was born in America. But I respect them but the way America woman disrespect the men here is nasty as hell. I might grow up in America but I don’t follow they ways. My mother and father taught me to treat a men with respect and never go over them because men are made to be strong and women are made to care for them and hold it down for them. Yes most woman won’t agree with me. Shit I get it all the time by my friends. You are too old fashion bla bla this and that. But I don’t care what no one thinks about me. I just want some one I could share my heart with and be loyal to them no matter what happens. I don’t care if they are rich or poor. But I would rather be with a average guy of any race. But the love of my life right now is a beautiful black men and I love him dearly. Won’t change it for any in the world. He so nice to me and so caring. Which I love him for that. We been together for five years . Tell this day I still get betterfiles when I see him. He make my heart beat so fast because of his smile. I love him to the ending of the world. God bless all of you people . Don’t gave up hope I don’t care about want others say they are people out waiting for love.

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