Women Are Racist


No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.

African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.

I’m not going to hypothesize why – after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientist – but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.

White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.

Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?

Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.

Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:

Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).

Click here to read the whole article:


But wait, there’s some “good news” from those same researchers.

A few days later, after looking at 300 reader comments, researchers sent some surprising news back.

Daters who discriminate by race… also temper these biases once they get to know one another.

“The researchers realize that their results can be depressing, but they also agree with the many readers who caution against reading too much into the preferences of online daters and speed daters. Yes, these daters clearly discriminate by race and height and looks and other superficial qualities, but they also temper these biases once they get to know one another.”

People who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or four minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session.

Click here to read the whole article.

What’s your view? To quote one researcher, Paul W.  Eastwick, “do those stated ‘turn-offs’ come back to haunt you later in the relationship, or are they permanently forgotten?”

Join our conversation (441 Comments).
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  1. 22
    Karl R

    sugarbaby (#20) said:
    “i’m not so sure that men who say they have no problem dating women of a different ethnicity aren’t just out for sex. marriage is another thing altogether and i think men are more than likely to stick with “their own” if they want to have kids.”

    There’s probably something to this.

    Part of this may be due to cultural reasons, not racism. I know a couple women from eastern Europe, and would be cautious about dating someone from that culture, even though they’re the same race as me. (One of the women has offered to set me up with her attractive best friend, so this is not a purely hypothetical exercise for me.) In that culture, families place enormous pressure on the women to get married. I don’t want to have to wonder whether a woman is marrying me just because of that pressure.

    I’m currently dating an Indian/Filipino woman who grew up in middle-class America, just like me. When we first met, I thought she was Indian. This worried me a little, since I know that Indians frequently face a lot of pressure from their families to marry inside their own culture. When she told me that her father was Indian and her mother was Filipino, I realized that she wouldn’t receive that kind of pressure from her own family.

    Child-rearing exacerbates any cultural (or religious) differences. Even though my family is rather dysfunctional, I still base my ideas on child-rearing on how my parents raised me. If I were at all interested in having kids, those differences would be of major importance to me.

  2. 23

    I think Eda makes a valuable point about women taking dating more seriously. I myself will date a guy of all reces, but as I get older, I sometimes wonder what would be a deal breaker in terms of marrying someone. Is there a point to dating someone long term if you both know it would never go anywhere due to cultural/religious differences? I dated a jewish man and a lebanese christian man and though both relationships were great, they ended because there was a disparity in who we date and who we marry – Namely, they had to marry someone of the same religion. And there is the next generation to consider as well – what will they be – not really race wise, bc thats not an issue, but religion is a big thing. I suppose it would be easier being Christian, since people of all races are christian – I think religion is a bigger issue in relationships than race.

    As far as the asian women question – population wise there’s a whole lot of us! Abt a 1/3 of the world are asian, if not a bit more. I actually had no idea that we were more open to dating other races than women of other races ( say that 5 times fast =) ) – I just thought all women were the same in that. Being an asian woman myself, a lot of my friends and I have noticed a lot of interracial dating on both sides – men and women. I just never thought of it as an issue at all. However, I do wonder if the statistics are different for south and east asians.

    In a way, its nice to date someone outside of your own race, because you open up whole new worlds to each other – Its a curiousity thing and its exciting and amazing. On the flip side, dating some one from your own culture – they have a unique understanding of where you come from that you never have to explain. So who kknows?

    Sorry, this is way longer than I intended – but shouldn’t we also consider culture over race? I’ve found that UK guys, english or asian alike are more similar to each other than the same race in America.

  3. 24

    I am white and have dated across the spectrum, but I have also come to the conclusion that I prefer darker men, whether African American, Aisian, or Latino. However, of that group, it is mostly African American men who are attracted to me. I was discussing this with a friend who has also fallen into the habit of dating almost exclusively black men. We both agreed that the African American men we had encountered were more open to a variety of body types and had a greater comfort with their sensuality than their white counterparts, which made them more attracted to us curvy types and made them more attractive to us (we happen to like men who are more sensual). Does this make us racist to draw generalizations from our experience, even they are positive ones? If I date only African American men, is that just another form of racism? I’m not asking facetiously–I’d like to hear what other people have to say.

    To the Reverend: I’d have to say, I don’t see a lot of Asian men on dating sites, compared to other men. Since I’ve done searches looking for essentially non-white men, I would think they would show up if they were available. I’m not in a part of the country where there is a large Asian population, but even when I search nationally, I don’t get a lot of hits. When I do come across an Asian man, he is usually looking in a much younger age category (I’m 46 and they’re usually looking in the 30 and younger group, regardless of their age). I assume they are looking for someone who can potentially give them children–I’m not sure if there are any other cultural phenomena that account for this. Thoughts, anyone?

    1. 24.1

      I don’t want to trvialize your dating habits or be disrespectful, but black male comedians love to joke about black men loving curvy to obese white women. Check it out if you’re into comedy.

      Personally, I think it’s great that you have found black men who accept and love you for who you are. They are not making you feel ashamed or like you need to gobble Garcinia Cambogia to drop pounds. There is nothing racist about dating only black men. If that’s the group of men who make you feel comfortable, happy and loved, don’t worry about others’ thoughts.  

      Thumbs up to you and your girlfriend for finding the sensual love you enjoy. Smile, be happy and put your worries away. I’m an advocate for interracial dating, so I’m happy for you!

      1. 24.1.1

        “There is nothing racist about dating only black men.”

        I like your attitude. I prefer white men and only date white men and Asian men. I’m Asian. There are some men, especially black men who get extremely angry to learn that I am not interested in dating them. I have noticed that many of them do not think it is racist for a white woman to only date black men but think it is racist for an Asian woman to not want to date them.

        @Cilla ” We both agreed that the African American men we had encountered were more open to a variety of body types and had a greater comfort with their sensuality than their white counterparts, which made them more attracted to us curvy types and made them more attractive to us (we happen to like men who are more sensual).”

        All I can say is that each person’s experience is relative/different. The white men I have dated are very very sensual, and very romantic. Some I would even classify as sexual Olympians. LOL I don’t date black men, only tried a couple of times and wasn’t impressed. I have asked some of my friends who have dated a large mix of guys and their experience is that the majority of the white guys they dated where also very sensual/comfortable with their sensuality. I find them to be very romantic and eager to please. But I will say this, because many have told me this…they do tend to not be attracted to women who are fat. Most admit that just a little extra weight is one OK, but as my present boyfriend tells me, most women who say “curvy” are actually what he considers to be fat. I had always assumed it mean women with exaggerated hourglass figures, but he assures me that the term means she is quite overweight. I named off a bunch of celebrities that I would have assumed that curvy applied to and he assured me that the average white guy would have no problems dating those women. He wasn’t even sure what term would be used anymore. But he also admitted that there are some white guys who actually prefer overweight women/plus sized women. Maybe these are the guys you have dated and maybe there is a difference between those white men and the white men who prefer and date women who have healthy weight to height ratios?

  4. 25
    Michael Ejercito

    As far as the asian women question – population wise there’s a whole lot of us! Abt a 1/3 of the world are asian, if not a bit more. I actually had no idea that we were more open to dating other races than women of other races ( say that 5 times fast =) ) – I just thought all women were the same in that. Being an asian woman myself, a lot of my friends and I have noticed a lot of interracial dating on both sides – men and women. I just never thought of it as an issue at all. However, I do wonder if the statistics are different for south and east asians.
    I wonder if Asians’ openness towards dating other races depends on where they grew up.

  5. 26

    I am white female from eastern Europe. I am usually attracted to white guys and tall Latinos ( I am tall and I would like to date a guy who is at least a little taller then me.)
    I dated African American guy once but it did not really work out.

  6. 27
    The InBetweener

    I don’t think ALL women are racist, that would be absurd.

    The thing is, I PERSONALLY know women that are of different ethnic backgrounds that would not mind being friends (close or not) with guys outside their own race, but when it comes to dating them, they say “HAIL NO!!” (for whatever reasons)

    Now, I’m not sure if that is enough to call them racist but I would say they have “preference issues”. Or at least, if they were asked, they would probably say that they are not attracted to other races.

    I am of an interracial background myself. (American Indian-African American-Puerto Rican) I could NEVER see NOT dating someone based on their race.

    How can I honestly say that I would like to be “in love” (which is kind of like the ultimate goal) but then turn around and eliminate like, I don’t know, 90% of my options? Based on race? It just seems too beneath me.

    1. 27.1

      No, not all women are racist, just most women, especially against Asian men. And Asian women tend to be the most racist when it comes to dating people of color. I hear Asian women say, “Asian men are too feminine.” Are blacks masculine enough? The truth is they need to get over themselves and their racist Uncle Tom colonial mentality.

      1. 27.1.1

        Uncle Tom?   Saying that is pretty racist.   And how about black men who won’t date black women?   Are they racist also?   How about white women who will only date black men?
        See, I have asked that question to most of my black friends.   They never think it is racist when a white woman will only date black men.   They will say, “That’s just her preference.”   Well I have news for you, it’s just their preference when Asian women prefer dating white men.
        Get over your yourself before telling anyone to get over anything.

        1. Taurus

          Women are attracted to testosterone

          Men of higher testosterone generally have an easier time

          Women of higher testosterone generally have a harder time

          Testosterone levels

          Blacks > Whites > Asians

          Ceteris Paribus (If all else was held constant)

          Asian women would generally gravitate toward white men

          White women would generally gravitate toward black men

          Black women would be left out of it

          And Asian men would have the short end of the stick too, both figuratively and literally(Lower testosterone means smaller penile members)


      2. 27.1.2

        I will assume that you are a black guy, based on your comment and “blackmagic.” I assume that you feel angry that Asian women more often than not aren’t interested in dating black men. Well, welcome to life. Black men seem to be quick to label somebody racist if they won’t date black men, and yet many of those who would say that won’t even date their own race, or see no problem with a white woman who will only date black men. Like it or not, some women just aren’t attracted to you on many different levels. I for one worked very hard to learn English so I enjoy talking with men who have a good command of the English language. I don’t like a lot of slang. I know it’s not all black men but wow, even at university, most used a lot of slang/had a poor command of the English language. Often, when speaking with them, I could see them struggle at times, and it was obvious that it is because when they were “with their boys” they revert to mostly slang, so when trying to speak proper, it doesn’t come naturally.

        There are many other little things like this that add up, but in the end, I simply don’t find myself attracted to black men physically. It’s not something I can fake. It is very rare that I see a black man that I would say is attractive to me. Very very rare, and usually, their features look more Caucasian than black, like that Soap Opera star Shemar Moore. To me he looks more white than black.

        Anyway, I agree with Garret that using the term Uncle Tom is racist. So I think maybe you need to get over yourself? People have a right to their preferences. Maybe it might help if more many black men preferred black women.

        1. Anders

          The OVERWHELMING MAJORITY of black men are with and are married to BLACK WOMEN.

        2. Anders

          Trust and believe that MOST black guys are really not into Asian women. So they could really care less  Just saying the cold hard truth!!! And why is it that many Asian women don’t prefer Asian men??! 86% of black men are with other black women.

  7. 28

    Absolutely true statement. I’m non-white in this country from south asia. And also not a bad looking guy. But I know in the last 10 years, how much I have been preducided by white women, black women and even hispanic women. The only women who has been sweet and caring a bit and cared to throw away the shallow parts and look with me, were Asian girls. Specially the ones who have been in this country for a short period.

  8. 29

    I agree with Karl R that race is more of a cultural issue than a skin color one. I’m cautious about dating men from some foreign countries because in their societies the woman traditionally has the role of being subservient to the husband, while being responsible for all of the household care with no assistance from him. Then there are some people in the US from certain socioeconomic groups that don’t value education and think that earning a living by getting welfare for children from multiple partners is okay. These are also individuals I stay away from.

    Sometimes one race is more likely to have people of a certain culture that I find undesirable, but I don’t bar all people of that race based on that tendency. I try and gauge (from their profile, and their other communications if we get that far) whether or not that individual has potential for me. And as egotistical as this sounds, I wish everyone else would take the same approach (though I realize I can’t change anyone’s actions but my own).

    I also just wanted to comment that racial discrimination is not just from the “dominant” perspective of people who only want whites. Yeah, there are the white guys who only want whites, or whites/Latinas/Asians. Then you also have the black guys who only want to date black women, or will date a woman of any ethnicity so long as it’s not white. Then there are the people (like the one Evan touts having helped find a partner) who are a member of a minority race but only want to date a white person. Basically, everything’s rather convoluted with this whole racial issue.

  9. 30
    Asian male interracial philanderer

    As a veteran Asian male interracial philanderer who has been with many women (lost the count years ago, don’t even remember many names from before 2003), my only suggestion to my fellow Asian blood brothers and to other disenfranchised members of the human race is to NOT look for women on the Internet. The potentiality of the Internet, the wide and often free access of online dating, and the differences in the way women think (online, they get MORE selective while you become less selective) leads to some extreme power law dynamics (look up “power law” if you don’t get the term) for online dating. That means many for a very few. I know this will not make any logical sense, but every woman is looking for a young Clint Eastwood online, regardless of their realistic ability to attract, much less keep, a young Clint Eastwood. Unless you are black and can attract the “size queens”, the more differently you look from a young Clint Eastwood, the less time you should invest on finding women on the Internet. Does that mean you cannot score on the Internet? Of course not, but you can much more efficiently use your limited resources of time and energy on other aspects of life and you will attract women if you are attractive and around enough women. Just remember, be your best, take it easy but not too easy, look out for your fellow disenfranchised brothers, and never pass up an opportunity, because there is nothing like no-holds-barred interracial porn sex with a busty Caucasian woman when you are a member of a truly oppressed demographic.

    1. 30.1
      Baylor Black

      This is the most spot on post I have ever read with a hilarious plot twist.

    2. 30.2

      I love how some people put it all down to a white plot.   But then we could start looking at things like South Korea where racism in exposed in such things as Kpop.   Yes, a beautiful half block Korean girl was discriminated against in the Asian Idol contest.   In fact, what is really weird is that the majority of Kpop stars appear to have cosmetic surgery to make themselves look half white, and yet they don’t just go out and find talented half white boys and girls.   I looked into it and couldn’t find one Kpop star with one white parent.   Furthermore, the male groups often have white women in their videos, usually Russian I believe, but you will never see a white man in a female group’s videos.   It will always be a Korean male…usually an actor or male Kpop star.   If you are black, or half black, forget it.   There are some “Americans” who are in Kpop, but when you look into it, you find out that they are full Korean, such as Tiffany, and Jessica in Girl’s Generation.
      People do throw the racism word around a bit too much though.   Ive learned that in my time on Earth.   Often it’s not really racism, it’s tribalism.   There are many people who will simply not like anyone, even people of their own race if you are not in their own little group.   Heck, look at how people of all races treat each other over soccer games.   I’ve seen people do some pretty horrible stuff to each other over a game…people of their own race.   But back to my point.   I’ve had many incidents happen where a guy would say that somebody was a racist because of how he was treated by that person, but then that person treated me the very same way.   So I do stand by my assertion that many times when you think somebody was racist to you, they are just an A–H— who is motivated by tribalism.   It is likely that they don’t even treat some members of their own family with kindness or respect.

      1. 30.2.1

        I don’t think race really matters in South Korea considering some 96% are Koreans, of course kpop stars would be Koreans.   28% of Americans are minorities in the U.S., pretty soon it will be 1/2, will women still discriminate by race?   Probably favoring a certain race still.  

    3. 30.3

      except the asian women on dating sites would prefer a godfrey gao look-alike over anyone that looks like young clint eastwood.

      also, most white men themselves don’t look like movie stars. are you saying they should stray away from online dating too?

      plus most of the women on such sites aren’t exactly models themselves; most are actually pretty ugly. it’s possible to scroll through pages among pages of female member profiles and not see a single good-looking one.

    4. 30.4

      Yes!!! Online dating isn’t going to workout for most of us non white Guy’s, I get women in real life because of my presentation. I know bottom shelf white guys that use tender and pof like its water. Easy to come by.

  10. 31

    I prefer not to date men of my own race- so what does that make me? Reverse racist? hmmmm

  11. 32

    Sayanta’s #31: Why is that?

  12. 33

    Well- I’m Indian, and I’ve found that a lot of Indian men are very um…traditional, particularly in the way that they view women. Even the ones who’ve grown up in the West. Personally, I’ve been treated better by men of other races.

    1. 33.1

      Well….It depends on who you meet. You can’t label all Indian men, just because of a few that you claim to be the most. I’m an Indian guy dating a polish girl ( blonde hair and blue eyes). Surprised???   She just happens to love the Indian culture and   dies not mind dating men of Indian origin. Weather they are born in India or are from outside.   🙂   

      I’m a lucky guy of Indian origin. 🙂  

  13. 34

    A-L’s post #10-

    “From talking with some people there’s a hypothesis that as a 27 year old female I would have a lot more winks/e-mails if I was white, rather than mixed. I hope this is not true, however.”

    I think this is true, unfortunately. Not to sound egotistical, but I’m a 30 year old woman with a hot pic and I get a lot of winks and messages. BUT I know the number would be a lot more if I was white. For Chrissake, I see men of COLOR who write “I only want a white woman” on my profile. And I have white girlfriends with so-so pics (just the pics, they’re definitely hot in real life) who get tons more winks/e-mails than I do. My profile’s pretty cool and laid back sounding from what guys have told me. So the main reason I think I’m not getting quite as many e-mails as I would like is probably racial.

    I mean, if most guys write “Caucasian preferred” (and most do), that kind of knocks me off the list.

  14. 35

    Sorry for my constant string of comments- I just came across this post now, and I thought it was a great topic.

    A couple of people mentioned how if marriage becomes a deciding factor, most people will stick within their own race. This poses a problem for me sadly- from my above post, I can’t see myself married to a person of my own race because of the way I’ve seen most Indian men treat their wives. However, if men just want to stick within their own race for marriage, that’s obviously a problem for me too…one of life’s dilemmas, I guess.

  15. 36

    Well, for those people looking for a match of a different race, there is hope. My white mom married my black dad. My white sister first married a biracial guy, then a black guy. My black sister has a white partner. And my black brother married a biracial gal, and is currently seriously seeing a white woman. And this is just my immediate family. Interracial marriages, though not the norm, are getting to be more common so there’s hope for us all.

  16. 37
    Michael Ejercito

    This poses a problem for me sadly- from my above post, I can’t see myself married to a person of my own race because of the way I’ve seen most Indian men treat their wives. However, if men just want to stick within their own race for marriage, that’s obviously a problem for me too…one of life’s dilemmas, I guess.

    You are different from most women of your race, since they tend to be more traditional.
    For Chrissake, I see men of COLOR who write “I only want a white woman” on my profile.
    Yes, that happens quite a bit in a place that is predominantly white.

    It is likely that in parts of China, there are ethnic Koreans who would only date Chinese.

  17. 38

    A-L- Your post is reassuring- you’re lucky to have grown up around so many open minded people. May I ask what area of the US you’re from?

  18. 39

    Sayanta- My family moved a lot while growing up. If we had to attach home states to ourselves (which is difficult with all the moving) I’d say that I’m from Louisiana while my siblings would probably consider themselves from Maryland. I will also say that Columbia, MD has a reputation for a ton of interracial relationships. Just a little FYI.

  19. 40


    That’s so interesting, that the two states you mention are Southern- and I hate to admit it, but I’ve always believed the southern stereotypes about race relations down there- just from personal experience.

    I grew up in Queens and moved to Jerz when I was 12, and have been here ever since. You would think Jerseyans would be pretty open-minded, right? Wrong. Although things are changing now. And there were some narrow-minded people in Queens too, believe it or not.

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