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Women Are Racist


No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.

African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.

I’m not going to hypothesize why – after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientist – but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.

White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.

Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?

Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.

Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:

Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).

Click here to read the whole article:


But wait, there’s some “good news” from those same researchers.

A few days later, after looking at 300 reader comments, researchers sent some surprising news back.

Daters who discriminate by race… also temper these biases once they get to know one another.

“The researchers realize that their results can be depressing, but they also agree with the many readers who caution against reading too much into the preferences of online daters and speed daters. Yes, these daters clearly discriminate by race and height and looks and other superficial qualities, but they also temper these biases once they get to know one another.”

People who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or four minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session.

Click here to read the whole article.

What’s your view? To quote one researcher, Paul W. Eastwick, “do those stated ‘turn-offs’ come back to haunt you later in the relationship, or are they permanently forgotten?”

Join our conversation (438 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 31

    I prefer not to date men of my own race- so what does that make me? Reverse racist? hmmmm

  2. 32

    Sayanta’s #31: Why is that?

  3. 33

    Well- I’m Indian, and I’ve found that a lot of Indian men are very um…traditional, particularly in the way that they view women. Even the ones who’ve grown up in the West. Personally, I’ve been treated better by men of other races.

    1. 33.1

      Well….It depends on who you meet. You can’t label all Indian men, just because of a few that you claim to be the most. I’m an Indian guy dating a polish girl ( blonde hair and blue eyes). Surprised???  She just happens to love the Indian culture and  dies not mind dating men of Indian origin. Weather they are born in India or are from outside.  🙂  

      I’m a lucky guy of Indian origin. 🙂 

  4. 34

    A-L’s post #10-

    “From talking with some people theres a hypothesis that as a 27 year old female I would have a lot more winks/e-mails if I was white, rather than mixed. I hope this is not true, however.”

    I think this is true, unfortunately. Not to sound egotistical, but I’m a 30 year old woman with a hot pic and I get a lot of winks and messages. BUT I know the number would be a lot more if I was white. For Chrissake, I see men of COLOR who write “I only want a white woman” on my profile. And I have white girlfriends with so-so pics (just the pics, they’re definitely hot in real life) who get tons more winks/e-mails than I do. My profile’s pretty cool and laid back sounding from what guys have told me. So the main reason I think I’m not getting quite as many e-mails as I would like is probably racial.

    I mean, if most guys write “Caucasian preferred” (and most do), that kind of knocks me off the list.

  5. 35

    Sorry for my constant string of comments- I just came across this post now, and I thought it was a great topic.

    A couple of people mentioned how if marriage becomes a deciding factor, most people will stick within their own race. This poses a problem for me sadly- from my above post, I can’t see myself married to a person of my own race because of the way I’ve seen most Indian men treat their wives. However, if men just want to stick within their own race for marriage, that’s obviously a problem for me too…one of life’s dilemmas, I guess.

  6. 36

    Well, for those people looking for a match of a different race, there is hope. My white mom married my black dad. My white sister first married a biracial guy, then a black guy. My black sister has a white partner. And my black brother married a biracial gal, and is currently seriously seeing a white woman. And this is just my immediate family. Interracial marriages, though not the norm, are getting to be more common so there’s hope for us all.

  7. 37
    Michael Ejercito

    This poses a problem for me sadly- from my above post, I cant see myself married to a person of my own race because of the way Ive seen most Indian men treat their wives. However, if men just want to stick within their own race for marriage, thats obviously a problem for me tooone of lifes dilemmas, I guess.

    You are different from most women of your race, since they tend to be more traditional.
    For Chrissake, I see men of COLOR who write I only want a white woman on my profile.
    Yes, that happens quite a bit in a place that is predominantly white.

    It is likely that in parts of China, there are ethnic Koreans who would only date Chinese.

  8. 38

    A-L- Your post is reassuring- you’re lucky to have grown up around so many open minded people. May I ask what area of the US you’re from?

  9. 39

    Sayanta- My family moved a lot while growing up. If we had to attach home states to ourselves (which is difficult with all the moving) I’d say that I’m from Louisiana while my siblings would probably consider themselves from Maryland. I will also say that Columbia, MD has a reputation for a ton of interracial relationships. Just a little FYI.

  10. 40


    That’s so interesting, that the two states you mention are Southern- and I hate to admit it, but I’ve always believed the southern stereotypes about race relations down there- just from personal experience.

    I grew up in Queens and moved to Jerz when I was 12, and have been here ever since. You would think Jerseyans would be pretty open-minded, right? Wrong. Although things are changing now. And there were some narrow-minded people in Queens too, believe it or not.

  11. 41

    Though I would love to say that the south is far more progressive than it’s given credit for, all of the interracial relationships I mentioned above began in Maryland with the exception of one that started in Colorado. And I think Maryland would be considered more northern than not (it didn’t secede during the Civil War, for instance) but so it goes.

    That being said, though, I do date long-term relationship-minded men of different races down here in Louisiana. No proposals yet, but they’re not all totally closed off to the idea. So again, there’s hope.

    1. 41.1

      Maryland was actually south of the Mason-Dixon line.

  12. 42

    Post #30 reminds me why I don’t date. Being a casual observer is much less stressful.

  13. 43

    I am curious though, what’s the fascination with caucasian women, anyway? And I am one. When I was trying online dating, I got more attention from African American men than any other race, including caucasian men.

    1. 43.1

      As an African-American man, I think it is silly frankly. Women of all colors are beautiful. There are some beautiful white women and some ugly white women. There are beautiful and ugly black women, asian women and women of every background.

  14. 44

    To Starthrower #43-

    I can’t speak for other races, but among Indian men, white women are ‘trophies’- a sign that you’ve really arrived in society. It’s a form of self-hatred, a product of inferiority complexes stemming from racism, imperialism, etc.

    That said- I tend to enjoy dating white men myself- ONLY- because I’ve usually had the best time with them on dates. Of course, I’ve only been asked out by white and Indian guys in my 30 years- and one philipino who was pretty cool, so I guess I’m biased.

  15. 45

    Despite being south of the Mason-Dixon Line, Maryland isn’t really a southern state. Of course, the further one gets from DC or Baltimore, the more…shall we say “rural” it gets.

  16. 46

    Sayanta, I guess that answer makes sense. In response, I would say I’m not going to be into a relationship just to be a “trophy”. I’m not here to be somebody’s “status symbol”. If that’s their interest is based on, then it’s probably going to be a superficial relationship the rest of the way and I don’t have time for that.

  17. 47

    Though there probably are some guys who view a white person as a trophy, I doubt that’s the primary reason why nearly every guy’s willing to date a white woman. The media have been shown to promote a very specific form of beauty for decades (very slender, and white). The emergence of women of other races being shown as examples of great beauty in the media has really only started happening in the last fifteen years. So for guys who were growing up prior to ’93-’95 then their classical standard of beauty was generally a white thin woman, and that’s how their tastes of what attractive developed, and hence, their dating patterns.

  18. 48
    Michael Ejercito

    I wonder what it is like in other countries. I am sure that in China, the media there portrays Chinese women as beautiful.

  19. 49

    “I wonder what it is like in other countries. I am sure that in China, the media there portrays Chinese women as beautiful.”

    No- sadly, Western standards of beauty are upheld throughout the world- hence the selling of skin bleach throughout India and Latin America. Nowadays, many Indian women get blue or green contacts in an effort to look more “Western.” It’s sad. I actually wrote an article about this once.

    As for China, there was a huge thing in Marie Claire about the lengths that women go there to fit into the ideal white-woman image. Examples are hair dyeing and eyelid tucks. Some women have painful surgery to increase their height- this involves breaking the shin and adding a rod to the bone to lengthen it. I was seriously nauseated when I read this.

  20. 50
    Michael Ejercito

    No- sadly, Western standards of beauty are upheld throughout the world- hence the selling of skin bleach throughout India and Latin America. Nowadays, many Indian women get blue or green contacts in an effort to look more Western. Its sad. I actually wrote an article about this once.
    Why would the media in China sell a Western standard of beauty?

  21. 51


    see the first paragraph of my post#44

    I don’t know if you’re white or not- but to a person of color, things like this are usually obvious.

  22. 52

    Why do you guys keep on thinking that “Latino” is a race?????? we are not a race. I am from Chile, direct descendant of Irish and 110% latino. Latinamerica, like the rest of the continent, is a multiethnic region. If you are latino you can have any ancestry.

    1. 52.1


      Alex, it’s related to the fact that the US is geographically located right beside Mexico, and a large proportion of the Latino population in this country is specifically from that one country. So a lot of people conflate the terms “Latino” and “Hispanic”, with “Mexican” and “mestizo”. Historically and most every other sense, it’s incorrect, as you point out, but many people today just don’t bother to make the distinction. They’re being linguistically sloppy, but usually not intentionally insulting.

  23. 53

    I am saddened deeply by this post. #30 Asian male, #52 Alex, the pain people experience form their ethnic heritage is sad. I have dated men from all countries/ethnic backgrounds by now for sure. I can’t list them all because I admit I have been a dating machine, and I never even ask the question “so, what are you?” I am italian, almost a completely lost culture here in the western states, and I am proud of my ancestry and traditions. There is little time in life to feel pain from others who might want to judge harshly due to your lineage. When you meet someone where race is an issue (you can ask a lead in question to see what their reality is), just move on. Racism is shallow and ignorant and personally I need a man in my life who is more open to life and love.

  24. 54

    I find that Interracial dating is just another form of racism. At first I use to think it was all about love, but after living a little, I can see many men and women who date interracially do so to fulfill some sort of fetish or because they hate their own people. I talked to many asian women who told me they wouldnt date asian men because they are too “Insert negative stereotype”.

    And they says IR dating is a result of open-mindness…. the irony i tell ya.

  25. 55

    I talked to many asian women who told me they wouldnt date asian men because they are too “Insert negative stereotype”.

    Of course, it could be asked why anyone would want to date them , if they are too “Insert negative stereotype”.

    I am an Asian man and I only want to date white women, and I will admit that it is only because of sexual attraction, not because of any deficiency that Asian people have in common.

  26. 56

    Rock on Michael,
    Date those whom you have a sexual attraction for. Period.

  27. 57

    Im a black woman and while I must say that back in the day(well the late 90’s) I saw a lot of white guys on their profile check every single ethinicity they could but exclude black(but they didnt seem to mind emailing a sista for discreet sex, go figure). Anyway as of about 2001 and so on ALL I EVER seem to get are white guys(hispanic guys following a close second) IM messaging me! Not really sure when this “shift happened”. Also it seemed back sometime ago white guys felt a bit more comfortable if the black woman happened to be mixed as if it was making it not so bad to date her since she wasnt “all” black.

    Now its to the point that its seems like white guys will question a black woman on her decisions if she says she doesnt date white guys (Booyah Hello!!!! “Oh oh its because Im white isnt?” or “Oh so youre not going to give me a chance b/c Im not a brotha huh?) I mean I remember a time when they were waaaaaay more timid. So I dont know what match.com is doing(and Ive been hearing some skeething stuff on them as a whole) but wow other sites Ive frequented the white guys are out for black women and ethinic woman and DO NOT care about what society friends and (surprisingly of all) family have to say.

    Yes I have and do date outside my race. Come on now Eda even though youre 44 im pretty sure knowing the skin were blessed with that you look 24! So you might want or HAVE to lower you age preferences for the guys who think youre younger on first view of your profile ;0)

  28. 58

    Having read forums on PlentyOfFish.Com , I have read disturbing comments from white men who put down white women, and refuse to date them because of character deficiencies that they allege white people share. And yet, they never ask themselves why anyone would date them if white people shared these character deficiencies.

  29. 59

    Is it really “racist” to not want to date someone of a certain ethnicity? It’s it about preferences? My Indian girlfriend married a white man and my white girlfriend loves asian men. Go figure. I prefer Austrailians..does that make me racist? They make my little heartbeat.

  30. 60

    A personal observation of mine has been that people tend to be more polite to opposite sex members of another race- whether this has to do with political correctness, I don’t know. And of course there are exceptions- a skinhead’s probably not going to be nice to me.

    But this factor plays a role in people dating outside their race. At least it has for me.

    1. 60.1


      I wonder if this has anything to do with the degree of familiarity (or lack thereof) that people have growing up, with others of different races? Where I was, the population was about 80% white, maybe15% American Indian, 5% Hispanic, a very tiny number of blacks and Japanese, and that was it. So I literally grew up with no idea at all of, say, east Indians, Italians or Arabs, and therefore have no preconceptions at all, regarding any of them.

      I will say that the area I live in now has lots of ethnic Indians, and many of the women are really beautiful. Probably well out of my league.

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