Am I Foolish For Waiting For A Non-Committal Man To Commit?

2K Shares

So I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months now (I’m 26 and he’s 28). We go out about once a week. We have a lot of fun together and definitely seem to click. Sometimes I feel like he’s letting me in – like when he introduced me to his mom when she was in town. Other times he shuts me out – no contact for a day or two cause he’s busy with work, or he’ll tell me about parties he goes to but rarely invites me along. He admits to compartmentalizing his life.

Since I know how much he values his independence and tends to shy away from change, I hadn’t brought up the “state of affairs” talk in the past…hoping things would evolve naturally on their own. I also know he likes to move slowly but I guess I hit my limit this weekend and told him how I’ve been feeling. I said I would like to get closer and know where he sees this going. He told me that he’s not emotionally in a place in his life for a serious relationship (due to ex baggage, etc), but he really cares for me and would like to keep seeing me. He admitted that he didn’t know where he’d be in the future, but right now, this is all he has to give. He said he knows I deserve to have what I want and that I had a right to walk away but he doesn’t want me to.

I really do care about him and he’s the first guy in a long time I can see myself with…if he actually let me in, that is. I don’t want to lose him but I’m not sure that I can be satisfied having a superficial relationship with him. I don’t have to be his girlfriend right now but I at least want to know that we’re progressing and the possibility is there rather than just heading blindly for a dead end that will leave me even more hurt. Is it silly to hold on to this and hope that one day his feeling will be strong enough change his mind or am I just setting myself up for heartbreak?

Jill

Dear Jill,

A healthy relationship with an emotionally unavailable man is like a threesome with Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Only in your dreams.

It kills me to hear sweet women like you holding onto a prayer like this. And yet this is the most popular question I get. Click your heels three times if you’ve heard this before.

“I’ve been dating this guy for (X Months) now and I like him more than anyone I’ve met in a long time. I see him (Y times) a week and while he tells me he cares about me and ultimately wants to settle down, he also makes it very clear that he’s not in a good place right now. I believe him and really want to make this work but I’m not sure I can take it anymore because I want a future with him. The uncertainty is killing me. Can I get him to commit or should I get out now?”

You already know what I’m gonna tell you, Jill, but I’ll stretch it out to make you see my point of view yourself. Here we go — based solely on what you wrote in your email.

Dating for 6 months. Seeing each other once a week. Is this guy a boyfriend? Or just a guy you sleep with once a week. A boyfriend is committed to you. He calls you every day. He buys you things because he’s thinking of you. He wants to see you during most of his spare time. Ask yourself if this guy passes those boyfriend tests.

Shuts me out. No contact for a day. Not invited to parties. Not very boyfriend like. You know how I can tell?… I’ve BEEN that guy. I’ve dated people who I liked but didn’t want to lose, but went out to parties seeing if I could trade up. And as long as he can keep you around without committing to you, who can blame him?

Likes to move slowly. Values his independence. Shies from change. Looks like you should be doing PR for him, because you’ve bought all of his bullshit excuses, hook, line and sinker.

Told me he’s not emotionally in a place for a relationship — Um, and what was it you said you wanted? That’s right. A relationship.

Said I deserved to have what I wanted and had a right to walk away — Hey! The first thing he’s gotten right.

So listen to this man of integrity and take his sage advice.

Walk away and don’t look back.

If he follows, you’ll know you’ll have yourself a boyfriend who values you and will follow you to the end of the earth. That is what you deserve.

If he doesn’t, then he’s not all that serious about keeping you in his life, is he?

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Comments:

  1. 21
    Linda

    I am so disheartened by what I have read here — please say it isn’t so! I am a widow of 2 1/2 years, after 24 years of my husband; I have been dating a 54 yr old man who has NEVER been married, is a commitment phobic guy, and I love him to pieces. He calls me everyday, we get together on weekends, and an occasional lunch during the week; we’ve done all holidays for over a year together, with him mother, father, family etc.. We have traveled together to Alaska 2 times, and to various other places; we make plans for the upcoming holidays, the next vacation, and the like. My problem is, he won’t say the words I NEED to hear (I love you), and he won’t talk about it. I believe he does love me, he does kind things for me, and his actions all seem good, except..where are the words, and why doesn’t he ask me to marry him? His excuses for not marrying; (besides the obvious smoke) are, fear of failure, and he’s never seen a marriage work. Of course my question to him was, ‘don’t you feel like a failure for NOT having been married and having kids?’ And his reply is ‘yes’.

    I am 49; we have a physical relationship, and do not practice ANY birth control, neither having a problem if the unlikely were to occur.

    I can’t bear the thought of losing this man that I love so much. I don’t believe I could handle another loss. The death of my husband was devastating, and I am surprised to have such feeling for this man.

    Comments?

  2. 22
    Jenny

    Linda,
    I do not know you at all, but might I point out the obvious. You are trying to fill a vold in yourself with a man you know does not want any committment from you which translated is: he wont EVER fill your ‘soul cup’ ONLY YOU CAN. You need to focus on loving yourself, accepting yourself, and stepping back from it all and taking vows to get to know yourself now after all these years; becuase part of you was your marriage – and now you need to know and develop yourself – not blind yourself and neglect yourself with someone who will contribute to your neglect of your soul.

  3. 23
    Jenny

    Linda,
    I do not know you at all, but might I point out the obvious. You are trying to fill a vold in yourself with a man you know does not want any committment from you which translated is: he wont EVER fill your ‘soul cup’ ONLY YOU CAN. You need to focus on loving yourself, accepting yourself, and stepping back from it all and taking vows to get to know yourself now after all these years; becuase part of you was your marriage – and now you need to know and develop yourself – not blind yourself and neglect yourself with someone who will contribute to your not fullfilling your true happiness which is from within.

  4. 24
    Anisa

    Linda,
    I don’t know you, but I like very much to comment on your post.
    It seems to me you have found yourself a loving, committed partner.
    I have heard the most beautiful words in the past, coming from my ex-“boyfriend”. I longed so very hard and long for the deeds, for the actions to come along with the words. I wished I had the chance to make plans with him, go on holidays with him, meet his family. It never came, it never happened. It was a worthless “relationship”.
    Actions are so much more valueble than words, they are a real treasure, even more than a wedding to me. If you FEEL that he loves you, than he does, believe me. In my opinion there is nothing else to wish for in a relationship.
    Enjoy every single action and enjoy your lovelife. Don’t spoil it focussing on the one thing you (think you) mis. I am almost sure you have found Mr. Right. And personally I can imagine his aversion with weddings. I have the same, while I am a very committed person. I was married once. And neither have I seen a marriage work. He is as afraid to get married as you are afraid to surrender to your happiness.
    Please! Don’t be afraid. Just be 100 % happy and enjoy. You deserve it.

  5. 25
    Anisa

    To mrs. vee

    I don’t think 99% of those realtionships are casual. They are only that in the intention and experience of the men. The intentions of the most women is otherwise.

  6. 26
    Kevin

    I think you could try to get pregnant or fake a pregnancy to see if he’s willing to stick around. Most guys won’t settle down until they are ready to have babies, if ever. I’m surprised that most women are marriage obsessed, but I think its somewhat due to financial concerns and also to have a guy to protect them either with smarts or body.

  7. 27
    Zann

    Kevin —

    TELL me you’re joking. Please. If not, dude!, what rock did you just crawl out from under? Get pregnant — or fake it — to see if he’s willing to commit? Women obsessed with marriage for the financial or physical “protection” it provides? Somebody rescue this man from his oblivion.

    1. 27.1
      Elizabeth

      100% w/u what the heck is he talking about?

  8. 28
    Joe

    If a guy finds out that you faked a pregnancy, he’s so outta there.

  9. 29
    Lonnie

    Wow, I just went through this last week! It’s like you were telling my story. He said all the things you mentioned. I feel like a fool, like I’ve been deceived, but that’s life, and he’s not entirely to blame because I did go into it with my eyes wide open. It baffles me that he ran away and I feel like I’m left hurting alone. That’s life! Luckily the sun always come out after the storm!

  10. 30
    starthrower68

    It is very difficult to stay objective when we are so close to the situation. I don’t know that there are any easy answers to overcoming that. The best thing we can do for ourselves is stay spiritually and emotionally grounded so that we are not dependent on a relationship even if it’s what we desire. It’s also good to stay connected to friends who care enough for us to tell us what they see even if they know it’s not what we want to hear. Other than that, unfortunately it’s a risk we run. People don’t always behave with integrity and honor and we can’t completely avoid those kinds of people, especially when we act in good faith.

    1. 30.1
      martina

      i ve been with my boyfriend for 8 yrs we dont live together i ave 3 children that were very young when we started dating he had just buried his partner of 18 yrs even though im very happy nd love him to bits i often wonder what our future holds … Our relationship started out just casual nd here we are 8 yrs later

  11. 31
    Delicia

    To the original poster – there is another post on Evan’s blog that recommends what to do (nothing) in this situation. A responder to that one coined the term nowhere to be found on the planet (NTBFOTB), basically advocating that, if you have any chance of forming a relationship with this man, he needs to feel your TOTAL absence in his life. I am by no means advocating game-playing, but I recommend searching for this other post as it really opened my eyes to a similar situation going on in my own life. I know from experience that if you don’t take action on this situation now, you are dragging out a long, painful road of heartbreak for yourself. Best of luck to you.

  12. 32
    sh

    okay, wow it sounds like u have written my story…okay I’m 49 my man is 50. I have had 2 longggggg term relationships,unhealthy both , but also its been good because i have learned something…I want a healthy relationship now…my question is this.
    been together 6 months
    he has had no children,never been married
    longest relationship for him 6 months, doesn’t want to get married, i knew this at the beginning,he has told me he loves me, we are boyfriend and girlfriend,committed,laugh,love spiritual,be our selves,phones every morning,when he gets home from work and our goodnight call
    sounds good right,NO IT DOESN’T,he is tired most of the time,lack of sex, we’ve discussed this and there is always one excuse after another,HOW DOES THIS MAKE ME FEEL/ UNATTRACTIVE PHYSICALLY,EMOTIONALLY,SPIRITUALLY ETC. HE SAYS I AM THE ONE WE CAN TALK OPENLY ABOUT SEX,WE PRACTICE TANTRA,SORRY for the caps,I’m hurt,I’m in love,okay we have never gone on a date, he bought me flowers twice,i pack our lunches,for our hikes and bike rides,okay these are dates some would say,and i would have to agree at times because we both love nature and what it has to offer,we talk about anything.
    why do i feel alone in this relationship then…what am i missing.
    he lives at his mom and dads separate suite.European way i guess,never has wined and dined me,maybe i put out signals I’m low maintenance,he phones on his terms and tells me, we are commited he phones everyday right? he sees me when he sees me,but we talk everyday,,,,,what am i missing?

    1. 32.1
      K

      Dear Sh,

      I dated a guy just like this for several months. He  had no children, never been married and the  longest relationship for him was 6 months.

      When I met him I could not believe what a lucky girl I was. But then little by little I got to know him. There is a reason why  the  longest relationship for a guy was 6 months.

      First of all, a man who has never had a long-term  committed  sex partner has issues. I learned it the hard way. When we were dating we saw each other once every week or so.   He was not in the mood to have sex every time he saw me. He was 48 at that time, I was 42. I did not think much of it, but it turned out later that he masturbated daily to porn.

      He did not think it was a problem. His excuse was “I do not have a regular partner, and I need a release, so it is natural.” So when we started dating he continued, explaining that he does not see me on a regular basis and masturbation is innocent and every guys does it. He was not willing to quit. He told me he was not going to change for me.  

      He liked to call me several times a day. But when I think about it, it did not matter who he called. People who never marry or  commit  are lonely, while they live in their make believe world waiting  for  that perfect  partner  to come along. He was very lonely and he wanted to  have  someone who picked up the phone and listened. He probably called daily every single one of his ex girl-friends.  

      He did not know how to give in a relationship and he was not interested in changing or learning. When you never marry or commit to anyone you do not know what a relationship is, how it works or how to make your partner feel special. Sure he said the right things but he did not act like a caring partner. I think he never cared to learn. Some people are just indifferent and they are not going to change unless they want to and you are not going to change them. So what you see is what you get. It is not going to be anything different 12 months from now.  

      There is no reason to wait around if you feel unfulfilled in a relationship.  
        

      1. 32.1.1
        JennLee

        K, all I can say is ugh! I wouldn’t mind if I found out a man was masturbating before and just after we met, before we started having sex. Even once a week in your situation might have been acceptable. But when it is every day while you are in a sexual relationship, and it is affecting whether he wants to have sex with you, then that is a problem. It is a deal breaker. Especially since he wouldn’t even compromise in any way. That’s just weird.

        Everyone has issues. Everyone. The idea is to find somebody whose issues you can deal with. That is not an issue I am willing to deal with. I want somebody who wants me. What good is it to have a hot guy who doesn’t want to have sex with me? It’s like having an exotic sports car in the garage that doesn’t run most of the time. What good is it if it won’t run when I need it to?

        1. Chance

          JennLee,
            
          Most men frequently masturbate, and when they do, they are thinking about someone other than their partner almost all of the time.   The trick is to understand that it has nothing to do with you and how attractive he finds you.   When a man commits to a woman, he is making an effort to override his biological desire for sexual variety.   This is something that I don’t think very many women understand, or at least, fully appreciate.   Porn and masturbation can help men deal with it effectively in order to avoid having mistresses.   Of course, an addiction can always be a problem, but mostly to the extent that it can cause (or be a symptom of) depression and it can obviously affect a man’s productivity at work, life, etc.

        2. Karmic Equation

          Actually, if you’re willing to think outside the box, Jenn, there’s a happy medium.

          Learn to give great handjobs…In the car on long trips. In bed when you’re too tired. Less messy and more empowering than bjs, which always feel a little servile to me, but which I don’t mind because that almost always has a way of alpha’ing up a guy. lol

          He’s going to have to give you some headspace when he’s jerking off alone when he starts thinking about how much better it was to have your hand on him than his own.

        3. Karmic Equation

          Actually, “it’s more messy yet more empowering” 🙂

  13. 33
    en

    I just recently stumbled upon this website when I was looking online for answers on my relationship troubles. Great advice, easier said than done. As much as I know that I should walk out & not hold on to hope, I keep thinking it will change, he will change but people don’t change and the longer you stay in the longer you expose yourself to pain. I hope to take this advice and take the plunge, without settling for what i get when i know its not enough. I have walked out many times but I go back & that’s the problem.

  14. 34
    Sharon

    I did one single search to find help in the internet, and the first thing I found was this discussion. Wow. I feel the full spectrum of all that you have expressed here, in myself deeply.
      
    The conflict that is set up inside me is absolute, upon facing the decision whether to leave a man that is not meeting me in the continuity of quality of love. I don’t think I care to have sex, or even be intimate, really, outside the sharing of that quality of love.
      
    My biggest disappointed comes, when i realize I misinterpreted his loving expression. But even more than that, that I am the one that enticed him to enter even though he was clear that he had nothing to offer. I set myself up. Because this strong attraction I had towards him (done this once before) was not to be thwarted. I charged ahead. And now I am facing the consequence.
    I am relating this to my whole life. I see that love, and financial well being, or success in my business, are ALL not available, and that I keep trying to coerce them to come around so that I can pursue my hot passions.
    I must finally study my experiences and face the fact that I am not successful in that way of bringing anything about.
    I deeply want to continue being with this man, our connection so sweet, but in between those moments, I am torn up. And I will not do that to myself any longer.
    I tried telling myself I just had to let go the dream. Enjoy what you have because its so sweet. Otherwise, you’ll be without altogether. As has been the case for 2/3rds of my sexual life. And I’m 60.   So it’s pretty hard to face going back there. Loss of that sweetness just because I want the sensation of love to be more prominent than it already is.
    But I know its not so much the dream that needs to go. Its that I have got to dream of myself, me as the one who brings fulfillment to the dream. To myself.

  15. 35
    shaz

    been seeing ‘my’ guy for 3 months now,after the first six weeks i told him i wouldnt mind seeing him abit more,his response was that twice weekly was all he had to give right now and if it wasnt enough for me then maybe i should say,i ended the ‘relationship’.Heres the odd part,we still sent txt’s everyday after,mainly due to the fact we were still friends,about 2weeks later i said to him sod it,why dont we just date,go with the flow and he agreed…..not very bright eh? I missed him so i compromised myself and i’m still doing it 3 months in,still no commitment,still me ‘doing all the work’.This is’nt healthy for me at all but what do you do when your in love with a guy who likes you but will not commit to you,do i need to hit rock bottom before getting off this merry-go-round.I read everyones comments and i know that i need to walk away but its so hard.

  16. 36
    runa

    Shaz: i am in the exact same situation but 1 year later. He broke up with me afer 6 months because I asked him where we stand. i was feeling too frustrated with seeing him every now and then. i have to mention he broke it off in a text message with the promise of a later talk when he has time of course. never happened. We still text. well i text and he answers. “doing all the work” as you said.i get virtual kisses and texts fights. It is really unhealthy and makes me miserable all the time but i can t let it go. i did hit rock bottom more than once. and you are right I think it s so hard to rip him out of your heart even though the head is lucid enough to know he is not that into me. The thought of living the rest of my life without him is destroying me.and this unhealthy relationship if i can call it like this is destroying me as well.i wish i could as strong as the women that walked out on guys like this.

  17. 37
    Denise

    #34, 35, and 36

    :(, I’m sorry for the crappy situations you lovely ladies are in…men can be so maddening sometimes (well, a lot of the time :).   I can say that I have been where you have been at some point in my life, so I feel what you’re going through.

    If any of you have been on the receiving end of a man who was so hooked into you, but you didn’t like him, but he kept pursuing and trying to convince you that he was the best thing since sliced bread, think back to that experience.   Or maybe in a store and the sales person was trying to convince you to buy something that you really didn’t like, or a car salesman pushing you to buy a car you didn’t want.

    Runa, you say that that you ‘can’t let go’…it’s that you CHOOSE not to let go.   Big difference…yes, it’s the hardest thing to walk away from someone you are crazy about, but if he’s not crazy about you, you can’t convince him otherwise.   Healthy, strong relationships are about two people participating equally, not one ‘doing all the work’.  

    Shaz, what you do is change what you’re doing because the chasing after him is not working.   It’s making you look desperate and it’s turning him off completely.   If something isn’t working, do something else to get different results!   (And that doesn’t mean chase him in a different way 🙂

    Sharon, in my opinion (and others will disagree) and in all the reading and research and learning I’ve done over the past 5 years, it is MUCH better for a man to pursue.   Men thrive on the thrill   of the chase and a challenge.   If those are not allowed him, in general, he will eventually lose interest.    Maybe not in a week or a month, but over time, that is most likely to happen.   You use the word ‘coerce’, one CANNOT control another person, ever.   Trying to do so will set you up for frustration and disappointment.   This is about boundaries.   Coercing is invading someone else’s boundaries.

    A woman needs to strive to be a DIVA, someone who is highly in  demand because she’s confident and has a life of her own.   That he has to  prove to the woman that she needs to  make time for him; that she will not  take his crap  so he needs to step up or  she will move on.  

    In all these circumstances, leaning back and starting to interact with other men (not necessarily physically dating, but making eye contact, speaking with them, etc) is a great step in freeing you from this obsession you have with one man.

    BELIEVE men when they tell you things; look at  men’s actions-that will tell you exactly how important you are in their lives.   This is hard stuff, but this is what needs to be done in order to find a man who cherishes and loves you.  

    There are a lot of great resources out there to learn from, adjust and grow.   Evan does a really great job in regard to relationships.   There are also resources out there to  learn about boundaries/how to handle anger and anxiety/learning about your personality are also excellent ways to grow/mature.   The only thing you can absolutely, 100% control is yourself.

    I wish you all luck and sincerely hope you’re able to open enough to learning and changing to rid yourself of this anxiety.   Life is toooo short!  

  18. 38
    Bill

    @Denise #37
      
    Very well said – though I would like to caution against some of the phrasing.
    Specifically, Denise stated “A woman needs to strive to be a DIVA, someone who is highly in  demand because she’s confident and has a life of her own.   That he has to  prove to the woman that she needs to  make time for him; that she will not  take his crap  so he needs to step up or  she will move on.”
      
    Some of my thoughts as a man:
    A woman who is a Diva will only attract men who want Divas. These are men who are willing to put up with that queenly kind of behaviour. What kind of men do you think that is? Players perhaps? I’d avoid this mindset. Yes, you should be a self-sufficient woman, who wants a man in your life, but isn’t needy. By definition, a Diva needs the sycophants to satisfy her need to be looked up to.
    Rather than be a Diva, I’d advise to live your life for you, so that you’re fulfilled. People are naturally attracted to others who lead fulfilling lives…it’s just human nature.
      
    A man has to prove nothing to a woman. If you believe every man has to “prove” something, you’ll be forever disappointed, as REAL men turn away from women with this expectation, as it’s condescending. Frankly, anyone with this attitude can kiss my ass – I don’t have to prove anything, to anyone, other than myself. Now if you’re saying to patiently wait until a man reveals his character to you, and if his character isn’t to your liking, move on, then that’s about perfect.
      
    If a woman doesn’t make time for me, I find another woman. Acting as if making time for me is a reward for kissing up to the Diva is just plain offensive. Why would I want to spend time with a person who behaves like that?
      
    As for the “not take his crap…step up…move on…”…that’s just all so very adversarial (like the Diva/proving/make time issues). How about just saying (as Evan has so many times), either he’s acting like a boyfriend or he isn’t. Expecting him to “step up” is back to that old challenging/ultimatum behavior that never works out. Either he behaves like a boyfriend, or he doesn’t. Make your decision on that, rather than on some form of ultimatum, which is never successful with real men.
      
      
    @Sharon, Shaz and Runa
      
    Denise already said this very well, but I think it’s worth repeating. Don’t waste your time with these men – move on. I don’t say this with any animosity towards these fellas, it’s just that they aren’t right for you.
      
    Obviously you have some dating deal-breakers, some things that would absolutely keep you from dating some guy. Think of one of your deal breakers…now, would you date a guy with that deal breaker?
      
    The guys you’re all talking about have deal breakers…they aren’t providing the relationship you want. So don’t pine for things that aren’t satisfying you.
    I’m not condemning these guys, I’m just pointing out they don’t FIT you.
    If you went shopping for a new coat, and found a nice pretty one, but it was 3 sizes too large…it just hung on you, would you buy it with the thought that “but it’s sooo pretty, it’s exactly what I want, it just doesn’t fit”? Or would you acknowledge it would never look right on you, and continue shopping for one that did fit?
      
    Continuing to date these guys is like buying the too-large coat, then rationalizing it by saying “but it’s sooo pretty”.
      
    Denise was spot on in saying that you choose to not let go. Choosing to let go often isn’t easy. You need to believe that your desire for a fulfilling relationship is more important than thinking these guys are good for you.
    I believe Karl R once discussed Choice Theory here. It’s great reading – Google it. An interesting early self-help book called “Your Erroneous Zones” is based on the idea of choice theory. It’s a great read.

  19. 39
    Denise

    Bill #38

    Woops, sorry, I meant to say that ‘he needs to prove that he is willing to make time for HER’     One of the ways women feel loved and feminine, it to be successful in obtaining resources from men.   Before you freak :), resources  are NOT only  about money, that actually can be last on the list.   Resources are things like  time, attention, affection, humor, labor, money.

    Being a DIVA has specific meaning with another relationship coach, I didn’t want to mention that here.   And being a DIVA in that context is NOT about being a prima donna.   It’s about being confident and assertive, of having a life, having strong boundaries, NOT invading other people’s boundaries (for example, like calling and texting someone all the time when you know they don’t want you to) and a good observing ego (seeing reality, accepting that reality, coaching oneself real time).

    I really like your comments about not ‘fitting’.   That speaks well for what these women, and soooo many women do (this is very common, and these ladies are not alone).    We try to mold/CONTROL the situation to what  we want and ignore what the man is saying (by words and/or action) in regard to what they want.   That looks like  leaning forward, masculine energy.   The man can’t then use his masculine energy by coming forward, DOING, because she’s doing his job for him.   It’s no wonder men become turned off–how many people want to be in this situation?

    Until a woman really understands these concepts, she is doomed to continue to repeat the mistakes of the past.   It’s never too late to do things differently.   Walking away from these men, but not doing the work on themselves is not going to be successful.   What she may actually find, after doing the work on herself (which takes TIME!), is that these men might end up ‘fitting’ after all.   And if not, there are  plenty of fish in the sea as they say!  

  20. 40
    Katarina Phang

    I agree with Michelle #11.   That’s what I’m practically doing right now and it’s been great and fun.   That makes me content and more laid back (women tend to be clingy once they’re invested into a guy) and as a result my love interests find me more attractive and lovable.
      
    This actually makes me think that polygamy suits women better than guys. 🙂
      
    redheadfromtdot #18:
    “Some people are lucky to mutually fall in love immediately and just know. It would be so much easier.”


    My new guy pretty much fell in love after the first night we spent together.   And because he was so into me, it was easy for me to be into him.   Within 2 weeks, he told me he loved me.

    However, in real life, sometimes things are not that simple, especially for people with so much baggage already.   He’s divorced (recently) so he’s wounded and as much I feel the depth of his feelings for me, I feel this will take a while for a full-blown relationship to blossom (not to mention that I’m not really over my recent past relationship myself.)

    Love is about timing.   The rare incredible chemistry between two people sometimes doesn’t make a relationship when the timing isn’t right.

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