Become the Woman that No Man Can Ever Leave

Become the Woman that No Man Can Ever Leave
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I’m still buzzing from the email that I got from my former client, Michelle. And let me say, that Michelle is one of my favorite clients ever.

Always good-humored, always confident, always present — and, most importantly, always coachable, Michelle saw instant results in working with me.

She attracted a man who was different than her previous boyfriends — and that’s exactly what she needed. After all, Michelle will be the first to tell you that she’s a bit of a handful. And after dominating (and losing respect) for her last guy, she craved the attention of a man who was a little more alpha.

Men don’t stay with women who treat them as incomplete projects — they bond with women who make them feel good.

She got him — and she got all the problems that come with being with such a man.

She couldn’t tell him what to do.

She couldn’t make him say that he loved her fast enough.

She couldn’t ensure that he wanted to stick around for the future.

Although Mark treated her great, he was still very much a MAN. Early 50’s, successful, busy, a divorced father of a teenaged son, he felt very fortunate to have landed a 33-year-old stunner like Michelle.

All of the stories that Michelle told me reiterated how much he valued her, and at the time that she gave me this testimonial that’s on my Private Coaching page, she was in a great comfort zone with Mark.

He treated her well, he told her he loved her, he put up with her self-proclaimed “brattiness,” and he alluded to a future together.
But all relationships have their challenges, and Mark and Michelle were no different.

The elephant in the room for this couple was that Michelle very much wants to have kids, while Mark never really anticipated that he’d be a father again in his 50’s.

While I was coaching Michelle through the first four months of their relationship (and intermittently in between), I cautioned her to NOT put any pressure on him about getting married and having kids. While theoretically, she could be “wasting” her time with him, my advice was to let him fall in love with her.

If he did, she would have a lot more leverage when the baby talk came up, as opposed to trying to extract an answer out of him in the early stages of the relationship.

This worked like a charm. Because really, it was no secret that Michelle wanted to be a Mom, and since Mark was a man of integrity, he wanted to do right by his girlfriend. He agreed, last July, to be the future father of her children.

Then he changed his mind a few months later.

No matter how much he loved Michelle, Mark just couldn’t pull the trigger on a second round of fatherhood, and they tearfully parted ways.

True love will find you sooner rather than later – as long as you prioritize your love life.

I was sad for Michelle, but very proud at how she handled herself. Despite her high-maintenance tendencies, she became better at understanding Mark’s needs and point of view, and created the healthiest relationship that she’d ever had before.

Every time she wanted to criticize him for how he handled his relationship with his son, or his ex-wife, or his boss, she remembered that men don’t stay with women who treat them as incomplete projects — they bond with women who make them feel good.

Most importantly, from our work together, Michelle knew that her future husband wants to be a dad, and thus, she had no regrets about walking away when she did.

That was the last I’d heard from Michelle. Until today.

Turns out that her breakup only lasted for one week.

Mark loved Michelle.

Her playfulness, her sexiness, and yes, even her attitude and mood swings. After spending a year and a half together, Mark realized that he couldn’t imagine life without her. Which is as it should be.

And while I give Michelle credit for becoming the woman that no man can ever leave, Michelle actually gives ME credit. Here’s a snippet of her note to me:

I asked him why he had a change of heart and finally came to this conclusion.   He said because he’s in love with me.  

I can’t tell you what this has done for me in this relationship.   I feel so relieved and at ease with it all.  

Evan, you taught me to be playful, lighthearted, patient, kind and compassionate.  

You’re an AMAZING (THE BEST) dating coach!

Thank you.   ”¨

Love,

Michelle

I love Michelle and I love this story.

A confident, successful, attractive woman in her mid-30s finds a masculine, confident man, wins him over with her feminine energy, and makes herself so indispensable to his life that he can’t imagine being without her.

I’m attending their wedding this summer in San Francisco and I couldn’t be more excited for the both of them.

Know that this is within your grasp and that true love will find you sooner rather than later – as long as you prioritize your love life like Michelle did.

Join our conversation (250 Comments).
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Comments:

  1. 21
    Ruby

    EMK #24

    This is not about you, your family, or the quality of your dating advice. Your advice to Michelle was fine. It’s just that most of us are more inspired by the success story of the over-40 woman who needs your advice much more than did relatively young, gorgeous, successful Michelle, obstinate and bratty (and only a fairly young woman can get away with being “bratty”), though she may be. The wealthy older man/beautiful younger woman story is fairly predictable and cliched.

    My boyfriend, who’s 2 years younger than me, dated plenty of women much younger than me, but for a variety of reasons, those relationships didn’t work. Thankfully, he wasn’t hung up on a number, though, and can appreciate me even though I’m not under 40. In fact, some of the things he does appreciate about me have to do with the fact that we are close in age, and have had similar life experiences and values. It doesn’t get talked about much here, but that fact alone becomes increasingly important to many of us as we get older.

    I hope this blog will continue to be a place where all of us can – respectfully – speak our minds.

    1. 21.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @Ruby – Are you on my mailing list? I sure hope so. Because Tuesday, I sent out a story of a 75 year old client who worked with me on and off since 2006 and she’s finally found the love of her life. Quite inspiring, no? Yet I barely received any email about it. It was the most incredible story about the power of perseverance, yet it’s my belief that way too many people are jealous of happy people who worked hard and achieved. Why? Because it’s an undeniable reminder of their own failings. That’s not even the point. The point is that if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it. I only went on here to defend Michelle and her fiance because the criticism of them was entirely invalid. So if you find more hope when I tell the story of an older woman, great. Don’t hate on a younger woman who found happiness her own way. With coaching, she got over being bratty and found love. That’s why I shared her story. (Oh, and for what it’s worth – less than 5% of marriages have a 10 year plus age gap, so it’s not really THAT cliched.)

      I truly believe that jealousy is a huge underlying factor in the way people deal with success. It’s the Tall Poppy theory in Australia. Let’s cut down the person who is happy. Tom Cruise jumps on a couch because he’s in love. Let’s rip him apart! I’m just not wired that way. If something makes you happy and you’re not hurting anybody else, god bless you.

      I don’t get people who slander someone on the internet, write negative book reviews, mock Facebook for its stock going down, or anything that resembles schadenfreude. It’s simply not becoming. As long as the happy successful person is not preventing YOU from being happy and successful, then we should all get along just fine.

      Strangers on the internet have made fun of my looks, my voice, my business, my marriage, and my advice, because they don’t know me at all. I don’t give a crap. I’m doing important work here. Plus, I can defend myself. Michelle can’t. So instead of letting some whiny jealous women tear her down as a Trophy Wife, I did exactly what I’d hope you’d do for someone you care about – I defended her and kicked out the bullies. Because I can.

      Finally, the banned commenters didn’t speak their minds respectfully. Which is why they’re gone. This is my home and I don’t need it polluted with ignorance.

  2. 22
    Selena

    This story may be heartwarming to middle age men who believe stunning young women should be eager to be with them…but for women, of any age, who want partners within their own generation.. probably not so much.

    Twenty years is a pretty big difference when one is not long out of their 20’s. Best of luck to Michelle. 5, 10 years from now she may be re-thinking the wisdom of this decision.

    1. 22.1
      amanda

      when I was 20 I dated a man 24 years older than me, we had 2 kids together. Things fell apart once his act wore off, he was no longer the nice man, would do anything for me man I knew… he became the real person he was, a womanizer verbally abusive man. A lot of men in their 40s-60s that chase after younger woman think they can   control them, but didn’t work for me, I left his ass he now tries to use the kids against me. I now have no interest in older men, I’m 31 now and with a man 34 (together for 5 years) and he is completely opposite than my ex. He is shy and submissive, which is good cause I’m dominate. It’s crazy cause I don’t give him negative advice, I’m loving around him, but I’m still myself as in I stand up for myself and stand my ground and respect myself… no man will love a woman that doesn’t respect herself and stand her ground. (Not be a doormat)

  3. 23
    Zaq

    I am being insensitive.
    I am being insensitive to point out that most men are attracted to younger women.
    I am being insensitive to point out that women are attracted to high status men.
    I am being insensitive to point out that short, unemployed men are very low value. I don’t see much anger from women here about that.
    I am appalled that all the above is true. It just is.

    Yes, it isn’t all or nothing. There IS still hope for men and women who may not be in the top league. But if you will not face up to your true worth to the opposite sex, how are you going to be realistic in your expectations ?

    1. 23.1
      pat

      Sorry guy, but while men may be attracted to the “high status” younger babe, and women might be attracted to the “high status” successful, rich guy, this has little to do with whom men and women actually end up with.

      You can only end up with someone who’s actually interested in you – so if you are a guy making under $200k or a woman under 8/10 on the attraction scale, you’re stuck with the “low status” schmucks that are interested in you. Plus most people aren’t as status obsessed as you – they marry, instead, for love, compatibility, loyalty, and friendship.

      Evan’s wife wasn’t the youngest or most attractive woman he could get – she was the most compatible woman he could get. I’ve rejected many high status men in my dating life, to end up with a guy 5 years younger than me, who might not make as much money, but I just get along with him better than anyone else. Most people can see beyond the superficial and appreciate the quality of another human being. This is the stuff that functional, grown-up, stable, and loving relationships are made of.

      People who reduce others to superficial standards of “value” are generally very lonely people who are impossible to please. Good luck!

    2. 23.2
      GADS

      well said ZAQ

  4. 24
    Nathan

    Personally, I find comments like Zaqs more offensive than those of the two women who accurately pointed out a common phenomenon. Evan’s client sounds like she beat the odds, and I am happy for her if that’s the case. But I would say that the story is instructive based on her general approach to the relationship – not the atypical relationship itself. I love a quirky success story – given that I’m quirky and non-mainstream myself – but I totally understand the doubts coming from women commenting here. Because more often than not, relationships between significantly older men and younger women don’t last. And since a child will be involved soon, it probably raises even more concerns.

    1. 24.1
      pat

      You sound like good people. 🙂

  5. 25
    Ileana

    @ Evan #14: Thanks for the reply. It is just soo disturbing that us women seem to be hardwired to try and ‘help’ or ‘fix’ men, no matter what… Ugh!

  6. 26
    Helen

    In this story, what concerns me is not their age differential, nor any aspects of their personalities – as long as they love each other, that is what really matters. No, what concerns me is the man’s (completely reasonable) reluctance to become a father to infants again in his 50s.

    Has he really made peace with this possibility? There aren’t enough facts in this story for us to say. I for one understand his reluctance. It’s hard enough being a parent to very young children when you’re in your 30s or 40s, when you’re relatively healthy and energetic; imagine what it would be like in your 50s. Also, some teenagers are very well-behaved, but others are a nightmare, and does anyone really want to deal with those issues when he’s in his 60s? Finally, who wants to still be paying college tuition when he’s in his 70s and should already be retired?

    I feel cautious about this notion suggested in the story that “Love conquers all” – he loved her so much that he just had to have her in his life. I fear this exact elephant-in-the-room is going to surface again after they are married and the time comes that Michelle wants children. This is NOT something to be swept under the rug. They need to have discussions about all aspects of who will assume primary care under such and such conditions, and what to do about finances in keeping with their own interests as well as the kids’.

  7. 27
    Mia

    About the age difference — well, it does seem foolish at first glance for a woman who will probably still be an attractive 40something in a decade just as her husband starts getting on Medicare and will eventually die decades before her. But it’s none of our business if that’s what makes this woman happy.

    What annoys me about some of these comments on dating market value is how simplistic they are — actually high value people aren’t intensely focused on looks and money. Meaning, an attractive woman of really quality character who would make a good wife isnt wowed by a guy just bc he has money and is older — a woman of real worth can support herself and only asks that her man have a stable job and career and meet some minimal threshold, say 50k.

    Likewise, a man who’s marriage material – the kind who doesn’t ditch you when you put on a few pounds and gray hairs — isn’t all hung up on a woman JUST bc she’s pretty. He can get a pretty girl anytime – theyre a dime a dozen and beauty fades – and wants more.

  8. 28
    Mia

    To clarify, just something I’ve observed, it’s often the more average, beta, insecure men who think the prize is a pretty young woman, and it’s often the average or older women who are hung up on a guys financial success. These betas of both genders lack confidence and need to seek out superficial qualities in mates. Attractive, accomplished people have often dated enough people and have enough choices to not get hung up on superficialities.

  9. 29
    Tom

    The point of this blog Zaq is to help women find a relationship with a partner who’s their equal. I don’t think telling them that they’re of ‘low value’ in order to recognise their market value is very helpful in achieving this. If anything it’ll only reduce their confidence thus making them less attractive.

    Besides as Mia says many men have a broader definition of a woman’s ‘value’ than the criteria you define.

  10. 30
    Julia

    My genuine concern is that the happiness of their CHOICE is being ignored.

    I’m sure they discussed the age difference. I’m sure they discussed the potential successes and pitfalls of raising children later in life. They’re both adults. I’m SURE that both are none of our business. And wasn’t asked about for advice. No offense to those that gave it.

    Both are old enough to discuss the gain in living their lives together. For HIM, the previous non-negotiable of no children wasn’t strong enough to outweigh the loss of not having her in his life. It isn’t simply that love conquers all. It’s that, in this case, love and commitment overcame his reasonable concerns. Which was his choice.

    We should take from this article the positives of the methods and the success that she achieved. 🙂

  11. 31
    Nathan

    Evan, as a former book reviewer, it was my job to give must opinion on books. I rarely wrote what might be labeled negative reviews,but I was critical of certain aspects of some books. And my situation benefited from the fact that I chose what to write about – many reviewers are just handed the lastest hot thing and told to say something.

    More to the point, I totally agree with you about the ugliness of jealousy. And yet, the majority of critical comments aren’t about jealousy in my opinion. The personalized attacks you reacted to could have been and there isn’t any defense for that kind of nastiness.

    But mostly, I see folks bringing up valid questions and concerns about the particular relationship. Again, I think a lot of what Michelle chose to do is a good example for all of us. Furthermore, I am glad Evan is pointing out how ridiculous the high pressured Rori Raye approach and others like it are. But in the end, Michelles story isn’t as inspiring as – for example – Evan’s 75 year old client’s story. Having helped a friend almost the same age set up a dating profile and find her life partner three years ago (on Ok Cupid of all places), I think more of those stories need to be out there.

    1. 31.1
      GADS

      Thanks Nathan. Alot of these “nasty” women are striking out in frustration and pain.

      I feel a host responding with equal venom only dials the persons frequency down to that persons level. Its human to do. But you cant really  defend that response either.

      everyone has rights to boundaries. If you have a blog, its like hanging out a welsone sign. Expect the occasional unpleasantness to walk into your yard. As the host, tho, you have the responsibility to act with firm grace and politely ask the person to leave for the benefit of others if it offends the others. Simply acting territorial and kicking that person out might send a signal to others that they cant feel as free and open to express themselves for fear of being asked to leave if they step out of line. Which erodes the blog.

      the host sets the tone. But the guests make the party. The host has a duty. But it can be done with grace

      1. 31.1.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        Blog’s doing fine. A million readers a month. A smart, engaged community that discusses dating, relationships and gender dynamics at a high level.

        And yes, the host does set the tone.

  12. 32
    Zann

    I have to agree with Ruby (#27) 100%. And even though I don’t agree with everything written in the comments above, I don’t see anything I would classify as “hateful.”

    Evan: If you want to remove comments that are truly hateful, racist, cruel, you have every right to do that. Like you say, it’s your blog. But as a long-time reader and commenter, I find a lot of value, humor, and sometimes great comfort in the comments other people make, even though there are some that make me furious. If you start banning or discouraging people from sharing opinions that are not in alignment with your own, you’ll wind up only hearing from the people who agree with you on everything. Is that really what you want? If you sincerely would rather have no audience than an audience that is opinionated, obnoxious, foolish, challenging, BRATTY, narrow-minded, insecure, jealous, complex, compelling, and hilarious (ie, human) — all I can say is that will become really boring really fast. Overall, I think your readers/commenters provide some of the most thoughtful feedback I’ve seen on any blog related to dating/relationships. And I think a lot of that is because of the quality of your own content and your ability to communicate your subject with a balance of humor, intelligence, and straight shooting.

    As for Michelle and her man, they’re gonna go on to have their lives and loves and battles regardless of what anyone says in these comments. We don’t know them personally, so anything we say about them is not personal. We’re only reacting to the situation as you present it to us.

    In my opinion — and of course I have one — I would be wary if I were Michelle. I was feeling very good about both of these people and found their determination to stick to their convictions and “the long view” to be inspiring. They made hard choices. But how does a man do a complete flip-flop on something as crucial as childbearing in one week? It’s not that he now wants more children, he simply doesn’t want to lose the woman. And in my opinion that’s just not a good reason for bringing kids into the world.

    Lastly, I’m over 50 and believe I’m a better partner now than I’ve ever been. If men in my age group can’t see the value in sharing life with a woman of equal experience in the world — someone who remembers The Angry 60s, Woodstock, Vietnam, The Pill, Nixon’s banishment, etc. — that’s their choice and, frankly, their loss. It doesn’t mean I want to rain on a younger woman’s parade out of jealousy — hey, we all get our chance at being young once — but I do question the wisdom of choosing a man old enough to be your father to father your children. Call it sour grapes if you want, but I call it just plain common sense.

    1. 32.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @Zann – I know you’ve been with me for nearly 5 years, so I respect your opinion and thank you for your comments.

      As you probably know, I let 99% of comments through. And as you pointed out, that’s exactly WHY you enjoy reading. If this were just an echo chamber of people agreeing with me, it wouldn’t be the community it is.

      So I don’t censor opinions or debates where the commenter disagrees with me. In fact, I’m guessing that out of any relationship blog you can find on the entire internet I probably have more readers who actively dislike me and my opinions. That’s because I let them all through.

      But when something bleeds into a personal attack – she’s a gold digger, he’s looking for a trophy wife – I draw the line. Especially if it’s someone I know.

      Michelle didn’t come to this blog to ask you her opinion of her relationship. If she did – if this were a reader question – I might be more lenient. But she didn’t. She entrusted me with her love life. She listened to my advice. She found love. And if you think for a second that I didn’t offer the exact same cautions that you are – about him being the old dad – you’re crazy. But THEY decided that this is what THEY wanted to do. Far be it from me to suggest that they haven’t considered every aspect of what their future will look like together.

      Frankly, I hate the way this post has been hijacked. This is a beautiful story of two people in love and the only thing I was hoping people would say was “How amazing. It’s good to see that people can grow and change and find happiness.” And then came the haters. And the doubters. I just don’t like the tone or the sentiment. So if you think that this one instance of me stifling debate (which isn’t a debate – my client is HAPPY) is enough to scare you away from reading this blog and commenting, I’m perfectly willing to deal with the consequences.

      I stand up for what I believe in and I don’t need to see my client being slandered by misinformed strangers who are upset that a 50 year old man didn’t choose a woman his own age. Get over it. There are plenty of men left for you.

      Julia #37 is the one who got it right. Thanks for seeing the happiness in their mutual choice and how it’s a triumph, not a “worst nightmare” as suggested by Fiona #7.

      Finally, will they be married forever? I couldn’t possibly say. But as of right now, I’m rooting for these two crazy kids. I would hope that you are too.

  13. 33
    Ruby

    EMK #31

    Do you generally get responses to your mass emails? I would think not. I am on your list, and saw the story about the 75 year old. Yes, it was inspiring and very sweet. Try posting something like that on your blog, and see what happens.

    Despite the fact that less than 5% of marriages have a 10 year plus age gap, it sure gets talked up all the time, presented in films and on television as if it’s pretty common, and some sort of Holy Grail for men.

    “The point is that if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it?” I’ve read numerous of posts on this blog that are denigrating to women and they don’t get called out for it. Maybe they are not targeting a specific woman like Michelle, but they put down all women, especially those who are older.

  14. 34
    Nathan

    Evan the varied responses here array basically the norm for relationships like Michelle’s. I once was her, dating a woman 17 years older than me. It was the same thing. A few were genuinely happy. Others offered concerns and doubts. And still others thought I was crazy or she was, or both. Turns out in our case that some of those concerns were dead on. It would have been nice to be surrounded by less negativity, but at the same time, I wasn’t seeing the situation clearly. So, some of that actually was helpful to hear repeatedly, even though I didn’t want to hear it.

    Julia’s comment makes total sense to me, except for the children piece. I have to agree with Zann that it seems like he is just trying to keep Michelle around. Which doesn’t mean he can’t be a good father and husband, but it does make a lot of us wonder. Sometimes, ambivalence is overcome once a child is born. Other times, it’s the wedge that breaks everything in two.

  15. 35
    sarahrahrah!

    Wow. I’m really shocked by all of the negativity in these posts.

    Dear people who likely pride themselves on their open-mindedness: shouldn’t you also be open to the idea that Michelle and her fiancee are rational people who truly love each other and know what they’re getting into? Aren’t they INDIVIDUALS with unique characteristics and qualities UNLIKE anyone else??? How, then, can people predict anything about them based on STEREOTYPES?

    Doing so is no different than making assumptions about individuals because of their RACE or ETHNICITY. I’m not down with that and I hope that the readers on this site aren’t either.

    A note to Michelle: don’t let others rain on your parade and CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement. May you continue to have many more years of happiness as you thoughtfully and consciously relate to your partner! Thank you for graciously allowing Evan to share your story with the rest of us. 🙂

  16. 36
    susan

    Its an awesome story on the face of it. Who cares about the age difference. And so he realised he was in love with her, attitude and all. that’s just awesome.
    But the children thing. Oh I hope that ones been settled, or there’s gonna be a messy breakup sooner or later.
    I wish them all the best, truly I do, but that is a BIG deal.
    EMK please keep us up to date on this one if you can. I”d love to hear a real life story of how someone has reconciled this kind of deal breaker.

  17. 37
    Zaq

    Well I for one think they are a perfect match, and wish them all success in the future.

  18. 38
    Selena

    EMK #40:
    “Michelle didn’t come to this blog to ask you her opinion of her relationship.”

    No she didn’t. She didn’t come to this blog at all. You chose to use her as an example of how taking your advice ‘works’ to get a proposal.

    Given the articles you have written about age differences in partners, and the commentary generated from those articles, it’s surprising you would use her story as an example. More surprising, YOU are surprised most of your readers aren’t finding the story inspiring – one would have thought after 5 years you would know your audience better.

    The negativity isn’t an attack on Michelle, it’s a reflection on what most female readers wouldn’t want: a man a generation older – a man who would reluctantly agree to have children even though he didn’t want them.

    1. 38.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Two things I will acknowledge:

      1) I had a quick trigger finger with Maria and Fiona.
      2) Per Helen’s last post, people are accustomed to saying whatever they want here, so I shouldn’t be surprised that people did just that. My reaction was based on the fact that this isn’t some stranger asking a question, but rather someone who followed my advice into the love of her life.

      Which brings me to the last thing that I would like to say about this – and it’s directed at the haters, not the skeptics. Skepticism is always a reasonable stance. I didn’t post this to invite skepticism, naturally. I posted it because I was thrilled and I thought this was a beautiful story. And while perhaps I should have known better – in Selena’s words – I just didn’t imagine that people would take this opportunity to cast a negative light on a happy tale. But then again, it’s the internet. What could I expect?

      Personally, I don’t get angry, comment, post, or snipe when someone else finds what he/she is looking for. It has nothing to do with me. Good for them. Clearly, there are some folks who feel otherwise – those who think that it’s right, classy, or justified to tell someone else that her choice in mates is wrong simply because you wouldn’t choose that mate.

      Selena, it’s completely irrelevant if YOU wouldn’t want an older man. Michelle did. If you weren’t inspired the way I hoped, I would think the decent thing to do would be to say nothing. Complaining about someone else’s choices that have nothing to do with you is a waste of time, like complaining that the old man on the bus has bad fashion sense or that your boyfriend likes broccoli while you can’t stand the stuff. There’s nothing constructive about it, since it’s not YOUR choice. That’s why I let the skeptics through and am getting rid of the haters. And really, if you’re someone who criticizes someone else for being happy, I can really stand to do without you in my life.

  19. 39
    Clare

    I agree with Tom, this whole thing of “high value, low value” doesn’t seem constructive. It is completely subjective. What is attractive to one may not be attractive to another. And the same goes for age. Why get hung up about what we cannot change, ie. our age and the way we generally look? We are best off loving ourselves and projecting a confident vibe that the right person will find you desirable (which actually enables us to love other people better).

    By the way Evan, bravo to you for having the fortitude to take so much negativity from strangers, I know I could not. I think it would be wonderful if we could all be supportive to one another when someone finds true love and happiness, as Michelle and Mark seem to have done. Generosity of spirit and positivity towards others are *attractive* qualities after all.

    I think the story was a lovely demonstration about how imperfect people and an imperfect situation can nevertheless result in a happy ending because two people loved each other enough. Congrats!

  20. 40
    Helen

    Evan, while I, too, love your blog and reading both your entries and other commenters’ responses, I was as surprised as others by your responses to this particular set of comments.

    As Nathan and Zann stated above, the women’s comments don’t strike me as hateful at all. For the most part, they also don’t seem jealous, although I will not rule that possibility out. They were just being as blunt and honest as commenters usually are on your blog – we are used to that level of bluntness; you have always allowed it (thank you) and it has made for some great discussions. To kick them off for doing what they usually do and what they usually see on here seems extreme. Perhaps a warning instead, such as you’ve given others?

    Besides, what has been shared about this couple’s story raises red flags even in those who have no stake in this; those who want to see happy couples and happy stories and are already happily married (e.g., me). As I stated above, and Zann reinforced, the man changing his mind in a week about something as life-altering as having children in a late stage in life is baffling, and honestly troubling. Without knowing more, I just want to advise them to talk about all possibilities in the future about who will take care of what, especially if he needs medical care at the same time they’re going to college. That’s not raining on a parade. That’s being practical to ensure them the smoothest road possible.

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