Do You Want Your Partner To Treat You Like Royalty?

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Have you ever been treated like royalty by a romantic partner?

Have you ever had someone offer to give you a foot massage after you worked out?

Have you ever had someone make you breakfast while you were still sound asleep?

Have you ever gotten a card that made you cry? Or a gift that made you gasp?

What a wonderful feeling, to be loved, appreciated, and honored. This kind of generosity doesn’t happen often, and when it does, it can be fleeting.

But it doesn’t have to be.

So what does it take to have a partner treat you like royalty?

Treat your partner like royalty every single day.

…Treat a guy well and he’s not going to go anywhere.

Simple.

Treat your partner like royalty every single day.

Impossible, you say. You can’t make a partner be as thoughtful and generous as you.

Ah, but you can.

Treat a guy well and he’s not going to go anywhere.

In Why He Disappeared, I outline some of the most common ways that women unintentionally sabotage their own relationships.

Once you learn how some of your thought patterns and behaviors can accidentally alienate men, you can make slight adjustments which will create long-term connections.

If you’re like me, you get along with most people. You don’t necessarily want everyone to be your best friend, but there aren’t many folks that truly rub you the wrong way.

When you look at the few people who do, you’ll probably notice a pattern.

The people that you can’t be yourself around are either:

Self-indulgent, narcissistic, arrogant, and outwardly rude.

Or…

People who make you feel wrong.

Now, none of us like to think that we’re arrogant and rude.

But when it comes to relationships, we often find tiny ways to make our partners feel “wrong.”

Imagine you had a boyfriend who said things like:

“Why don’t you grow your hair longer?”

“Why do you always complain about your job?”

“How come you can never do anything spontaneously?”

“Maybe you should start working out more.”

“Why are you always talking to other men at parties?”

“How come you’re always hanging out with your annoying girlfriends?”

Yeah, guys can be really critical and blunt sometimes. I’m not going to defend their behavior for a half a second.

However, I’d like to point out that you probably do the same exact thing:

See, it’s easy to remember all the minor criticisms you’ve received.

It’s a lot harder to recall all of the digs you’ve taken at the men you’ve dated.

“Why can’t you put away your clothes in the hamper?”

“Would it kill you to make plans with me more than a day in advance?”

“Why didn’t you make a bigger deal about my birthday?”

“How come you’re always running 15 minutes late?”

“Why is watching football with your friends more important than seeing me?”

“Why do you always wear that ratty old shirt?”

See, it’s easy to remember all the minor criticisms you’ve received. It’s a lot harder to recall all of the digs you’ve taken at the men you’ve dated.

But you’ve done it. We all have.

Alas, nobody likes criticism – even if it’s valid.

Your observations may be correct, but your messaging needs a lot of work.

So if a guy told you to lose weight or stop seeing your friends, you’d probably get really angry with him. You’d have every right to, and I can see why you feel justified in your anger.

Because you want to be loved unconditionally. Because you want to be accepted for who you are. Because you don’t want to have to change for anyone.

Yet, somehow you still think it’s fair that your boyfriend should change for you.

It just doesn’t work that way.

True love is about accepting his flaws – not because he’s perfect – but because you want him to accept YOUR flaws as well.

By telling you to accept your man for who he is, I don’t mean that you should start putting up with unacceptable behavior. The man who cheats or lies or can’t communicate or commit is a man that should be LEFT, not changed.

But if you’ve got a decent guy who is flawed (as all of us are), it means offering him more positive reinforcement and less negative reinforcement.

What happens when a man says something nice to you – compliments you on your eyes, or your wit, or your triumph at work? It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

It works the same way for us.

Positive reinforcement makes a man feel great about himself AND about you.

On the other hand…

Negative reinforcement makes him feel bad about himself and about you.

Why? Because nobody wants to be told that he’s “wrong.”

I can only imagine how you feel about me because I’m telling you this!

Understand, being critical is a universal trait – not just a female one.

The great news is: by being a more supportive and accepting girlfriend, you actually bring a better side out in your man. That’s right.

Most men are used to women telling us what’s wrong with us. When we find someone who accentuates the positive and ignores the negative, we feel like a million bucks.

Want to be treated like a princess? Start treating your men like kings.

My wife is gifted at this.

She has set the bar so high, that I have no choice but to jump it.

It’s hard not to give when you receive as much as I do.

In that way, HER generosity has made ME a better husband.

YOUR generosity will do the same.

You can literally TRANSFORM men just by treating them with more kindness and respect.

This concept works on dates, in business, with family.

Want to be treated like a princess? Start treating your men like kings.

Join our conversation (72 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.

Comments:

  1. 41
    Sheila

    My husband doesn’t respond like a normal person would. We’ve been together for over 2 decades and I fell in love with a guy who paid a lot of attention to me and responded to me when we were younger. He purposely doesn’t respond to me, or laugh at my jokes. Acts like I , or anything I like, is beneath him. The more I like something, the more he hates it. It’s a problem he has because he comes from such a critical, negative family. He shows some love, but rarely tries to connect. I think I have been keep our marriage going for years by being the person who has been doing it all! Planning dates, vacations, gifts, etc. He is baffled as to why I am no longer investing in him beyond cleaning and cooking. I just have nothing left. There is no real attempt to reach my heart that would soften the daily put downs and constant complaining and negativity. The only time I like him is when we are at church and he is being attentive and acts like the upstanding man I married so long ago. His parents are in their 80’s and bickering each other to death. Meanwhile, I just want someone who accepts me and stops treating me like an annoyance. Especially since I work myself to the bone to take care of the family and keep the house running.

    1. 41.1
      Karmic Equation

      Read “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel.

      You might be better able to understand yourself, your husband, and your relationship after reading them.

  2. 42
    Megan

    I treated a boy like a king and he left and went back to his ex so I don’t agree with this

    1. 42.1
      Karmic Equation

      Hi Megan,

      I think you made the mistake that most women make, which is believing that GIVING a man everything he wants will make him happy. It doesn’t, as you’ve come to find out. Treating men like kings on make them take you for granted.

      My experience is that ALLOWING men to do what they want (barring inherently harmful behavior to you, e.g., abuse, or to the relationship, e.g., cheating) is what keeps the man around. They feel lucky to be in a relationship where their every thought and action aren’t policed.

      Respect his decisions even if you don’t agree with them. Voice your disagreements respectfully, etc. THAT is what men want. To be allowed the freedom to make his own decisions even when in a relationship. To be allowed to think differently than you and still be accepted by you.

      It’s kind of a paradox, really. Once you let go of seeking to control a man, often,  he often stops fighting for his freedom from you. By giving up what you want, you get what you want.

      God has a sense of humor 🙂

      1. 42.1.1
        Karena

        The unfortunate thing about not caring what your partner does ie let him do what he wants, not ask him questions, enjoy him when he is available, always do your own thing when he does his, is that HE doesn’t WANT his partner to do what SHE wants.   He wants HER to sit at home waiting patiently for him while he is off in the world and yes, he will always come back.   But God forbid you go and get your own life, don’t wait around for him and live your own life and then you are subject to all kinds of manipulation to try and get you to stay ‘grounded’ while he is off flying.   He will hint he wants to see you to get you to hang around and if you do – pull the rug out etc.   Men do NOT want women doing their own thing and not caring what they are doing.   Men want women sitting at home waiting for them to return.   No thanks.

        I have never asked either my ex husband or recent partner, where they were or what they were doing. Didn’t care how long they took.   If they did what they did, I went and did my own thing.   If they wanted to spend time with me, I tried to make myself available – but I sure am not going to sit around waiting, which is what men actually want us to do.   They go out with the boys – they sure as heck do not want you going on a girls night out.   I wonder why?   With my advanced years I’ve figured out why they don’t want us to behave like they do in a relationship.   It doesn’t work.

        1. Callie

          This is a generalisation based clearly on your own personal situation. But it’s not actually logical. Letting a guy do what he wants doesn’t mean he won’t let you do what you want. It’s a specific kind of guy who won’t let you do what you want: an asshole.

          But there are plenty of men who are confident in themselves, who trust their partners and aren’t controlling. My boyfriend is definitely one of them and so were basically all of my exes (I’m one of those weirdos who is friends with all her exes still and really never chose a bad dude, all great upstanding guys). So is my dad for that matter, in fact he’s the one who prefers to stay home vs my mom.

          So yeah, I understand where your resentment comes from and any woman who is not getting equal treatment in her relationship, is dating someone who doesn’t trust her and who controls her, needs to get out of that relationship ASAP. But that doesn’t mean all men are controlling and untrusting.

  3. 43
    Fran

    This could not be more true. I started dating my boyfriend 1.5 years ago, when he had only been divorced for a couple of months. Our courtship was over the top amazing and fast because I treated him like a king. He told me he loved me within the first three weeks. And then he panicked and pulled away. The truth is, I grew extremely anxious and needy about our relationship (even though I didn’t show it, he could feel it) because it felt like the most amazing thing I had ever experienced and I  was petrified to lose it. He was the man of my dreams! From his perspective, I seemed like everything his ex-wife was not — caring, sweet, giving, etc, and it scared the crap out of him — he didn’t think he deserved that. We had a few months of difficulties during which I continued to treat him with the respect and love I knew he deserved without expecting anything in return, but I was pretty sure our relationship would not last. We broke up a few times but kept being drawn back to each other. Then about a year ago, during one of our “off” times I discovered that he was online dating and I sat him down and asked him a very straightforward question: Do you feel good when you’re with me? Do you feel that someone else could make you feel better than I do? If you do, then let’s just walk away from each other for good. And he said no, that no one else could make him feel better but that he felt he needed to explore his options after his divorce. I asked if he felt he had done enough exploring and he said yes. And since that day, our relationship transformed dramatically and beautifully, even though I continued to treat him the same way I always had: with supreme adoration and respect. But by asserting myself in a way that did not belittle him when I did not like something that he did, I helped  him to think about his life in a new way. A man will NOT do this with nagging or complaining —   he will do the opposite to spite you! He went from pulling away constantly and guarding me from his children to bringing me into their lives completely, from not making plans with me on a regular basis to having 4 set nights a week that we always spend together (and he asks me if he wants to make other plans those nights), plus eating dinner or hanging  out on the other nights/afternoons when he has his kids. He brings me flowers, buys me dinner, tells me I’m beautiful, offers to help me with things, never says no to me when I ask for help with  anything.   When something comes up that frustrates or angers me, I take many deep breaths before bringing it up and I always try to phrase it in the most loving way without judging or condemning him. I never nag him for anything and always kiss him when he walks through the door, no matter how rough my own day was.   I stroke his arms and head while we’re sitting watching TV and he just melts into my arms. We never  fight!  I’ve also made it clear through my words and actions that he’s not responsible for my happiness — only I am. And when I feel down, I don’t look to him to build me back up. I look within myself to find what I need, but he’s always there cheering me on, rooting for my deep happiness. Sex is amazing, like toe-curling amazing. I am always 100 percent willing to be with him sexually because I love him so deeply and crave that beautiful connection with him. Because I am always willing to satisfy him, he makes absolutely sure that I am satisfied sexually as well. He says he would never look anywhere else for what he needs because he has everything he wants with me.

    This is a man who went from not knowing if he could be in a relationship with ANYONE to telling me he loves me multiple times per day. When he is a sarcastic SOB and I just laugh and take it as the joke it is instead of getting offended by it, he tells me how amazing it is to be with someone who lets him be his true self without trying to change him. He thanks me for all that I do to help with his kids, when I make him meals, and all that I do to make sure he feels like a king.   He has transformed into the most grateful, happy, sweet man, because I gave him the respect and love he needed to flourish.

    DISCLAIMER: I am a strong, independent, single mom who has been on her own for many years before meeting this man, so trust me when I say that I’m NOT a pushover. I simply realized that my life can be everything I want it to be with  the man of my dreams  — all I had  to do was stop  fighting my urge to be loving and giving (like society tells women they need to do to avoid getting hurt and walked over), and just give in to the feminine energy that radiates from my core. Now if he had not become this grateful, beautiful, loving man, I would have simply walked away. I would not have allowed myself to be used or pushed around. But I would have walked away knowing that I gave my love freely, without chains.

    My wish for the ladies who get so incensed about the whole idea of giving love without expectations is that you can open your hearts and see that men are fragile and need love, too. There is no weakness in being his calm beautiful paradise from the rest of the world…in fact, there’s a tremendous amount of strength and beauty in giving that to someone you love so much. HUGS.

  4. 44
    Jessica m

    Excatly Amy alot women got this dumb thing in their heads “I must treat him like a king at a times” Err WRONG!   doing that only makes him feel like he’s “your boss”

    When I don’t date men u only wanna be treated with respect but not a queen cuz that is something I am not. I’m no royalty , I’m not related to royalty   so why should we expect to be treated as such???

     

     

    1. 44.1
      SparklingEmerald

      No Jessica – Treating a man like a King doesn’t make you his “subject” it makes you his queen.   If he   regards the relationship as a King/Subject relationship and not King/Queen then walk away.

      Are you familiar with the concept of metaphors ?   Colloquilisms ?     The “Royal Treatment” “King” and “Queen” are not to be taken hyper-literally.   It does not mean you literally have to     bow before your King or Queen or call each “Your Highness”.

      In non-hyper-literal terms treating EACH OTHER like royalty, means making them feel loved, respected, appreciated and that they are IMPORTANT to you and being LOYAL to them. Why wouldn’t anyone want to be treated like that by their beloved ?

  5. 45
    Get Smart

    Is is really a woman’s fault for being taken advantage of because she didn’t leave?

    NO!   Real men don’t take advantage of or mistreat women.

    1. 45.1
      Karl R

      Get Smart,

      In dating and relationships (as with most things in life), determining “fault” isn’t productive. Presumably, you’d like to solve the problem, not just find someone to blame.

      An example:

      Some years ago I ended up unemployed during a recession. It is extremely  difficult to job-hunt during a recession, and it’s brutally hard to date while unemployed. While I think we can agree that the economic recession was not my fault, it was still my responsibility to find a job (and improve my economic and romantic fortunes).

       

      Defining the problem … and solving it:

      There are men (and women) who mistreat and take advantage of their partners. Why do they do that? Because they gain an advantage by doing so. (It says so, right in the words “take advantage”.) If you decide to wait for those men/women to voluntarily give up that advantage, in order to benefit you instead … well … that seems a bit naive. They already demonstrated how little they cared for your well-being when they mistreated you and took advantage of you.

      Since these men (or women) are not inclined to look out for your well-being, its your responsibility to do so. The easiest way to do that is to leave and find someone better.

  6. 46
    Stacy

    My boyfriend treats me like absolute royalty…I mean, it could not possibly get better than this.

    But if he did not, I would have dumped him. I never understand when someone is in a relationship and keeps giving constantly, gets nothing in return, and constantly complains about the consequences of doing so.   And I disagree with a previous poster, it IS your fault when you stay and put up with this kind of treatment.   You teach people how to treat you.   Some are so scared of being single that they put up with anything.

    1. 46.1
      Marika

      Stacy

      It’s wonderful that you know your worth and will put up with no less. Kudos. Congratulations on the fantastic relationship and for choosing so well.

      But it’s not that simple for everyone. You wrote elsewhere that your parents divorced and you were much better for it. You learned from a young age that breaking up is okay and, in some cases, the best outcome for all. Not everyone grew up like that or were given such messages.

      The point being there’s myriad reasons people stay in less than perfect relationships beyond fear of being lonely, including (but not limited to): family, religious beliefs and pressure, financial instability and reliance, lack of knowledge or education, fear of repercussions for them and their children, etc.

      Everyone should be lucky enough to believe as you do that the only relationship worth being in is one where you’re treated like royalty. I would just caution against judging others before you understand their situation.

  7. 47
    Persephone

    This is such awesome advice from Evan!   I absolutely love treating a man like a king.   I am now divorced, even though I treated him well.   He feels that I did not treat him well, because sometimes I had to work late and could not get dinner on the table at times.

    In the list that Evan says “imagine you had a boyfriend who said things like…..”

    I had a husband who said almost all of those things to me.   Even though I treated him like a king.

     

     

  8. 48
    Daria

    1. Notice how every example of what men say to women has nothing to do with them and is literally an attempt to hurt the woman’s feelings. For example: your hair is too short; your friends are shit. Those things don’t directly affect the man whatsoever.

    On the other hand almost every example of what women say to men is the woman calling the man out on their bullshit, and the ways they hurt them, notice how they criticize on things that affect them directly. For example: the man always runnig late on her; the man not caring about her birthday, an important day for her.

    2. Maybe your wife was a one in a million lucky lady (though I doubt it based on this thing you wrote), but for most of us women “stopping criticizing” the shitty ways men treat us, and trying to start noticing only the good, only hurts us in number of ways. First of all we start convincing ourselves that “it’s not that bad” and start tolerating even shittier behavior towards us. Secondly, it gives the men a slack, a permission to keep engaging in whatever crappy behavior they were engaging towards us. Rarely does it motivate them   to take a hint, and start treating us better and quit the bullshit. Rarely will they think “Gosh she treats me so well lately, I better start treating her the same and even better”. And instead most times it’ll be “Damn she treats me so well lately and ignores all my shit, what’s got into her. Whatever I’ll just enjoy it while it lasts. Most men won’t even SEE the bar she set, let alone trynna jump over it. I’ve experienced it, my friends did. For example my best friend likes getting gifts from time to time, like we all do, instead of nagging her boyfriend, she bought him a gift hoping he would take the hint. Eventually she bought him more gifts them he gave her, and even that happened only after she told him straight forward that she wanted gifts.

    3. My third and the most important point relates to the closing line: “Want to be treated like a princess? Start treating you man like a king.”

    Well that the thing my dear friend, most of us already do treat our men like a king, because that’s what love is. And that is what we expect in return, but don’t get, so ignoring the bad, and I don’t mean the obvious like cheating, and abuse, I mean the smaller things too like constantly running late, and disappointing us, won’t help.

    In conclusion, you’ve wasted my time. If a man gonna treat you right, he’s gonna do it from the start, because that’s how his mama raised him. And even if there’s a way to make a man treat you better, it’s   sure as hell aint shutting up about whatever bothers you in the relationship and putting up with the bullshit and only petting him on the back when he finaly does something good. Men aren’t 3 year old kids so quit trynna get women treat you like one, they’ve got a developed brain and a lot of time to learn to treat women right.

     

    1. 48.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      See Comment #5.

      1. 48.1.1
        Daria

        Okay pal you wrote a whole thing on the internet, on a site you specifically made for that, so you might’ve wanted to look into the possibility of someone actually reading it, so take responsibility. Maybe read the thing again and you’ll see why you getting so many “exaggerated” comments

        1. Evan Marc Katz

          Okay, pal. I did reread it. Sorry Still have no idea why you’re so upset but know you can’t please all the people all the time. Thanks again for your feedback. Glad to have you as a reader.

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