I’m Dating A Passive Beta Male. Is His Behavior Normal?

I’m Dating A Passive Beta Male. Is His Behavior Normal?

Hi Evan,

I love your blog and Why He Disappeared. It can be a tough pill to swallow at times, but I appreciate your no-nonsense advice. I’ve had to learn the hard way, that my “go-getter” attitude does not translate well in the dating world. Not doing anything in the beginning stages of dating tends to drive me crazy.

I’ve been dating a beta-male for about a month and a half. He’s a total sweetheart and for the first time in a long time, I feel very safe. He’s kind, attentive and affectionate- when we’re together. He communicates with me daily, mostly through text message, to which I always respond warmly.

Here’s where I’m struggling: I find myself wanting to take over and take control with him sometimes (planning things mostly). I am resisting this urge as I’m trying out your mirroring concept.

My question: We’re texting everyday, but he’ll wait FOREVER, (in actuality, 5-7 days) before asking to see me again. What gives? Is this a downside of dating a typical beta (i.e., no initiative) or is he just not that interested in me? Do I continue to utilize patience or should I move on?

Thanks, Evan!

Dear Michelle,

Thanks for reading “Why He Disappeared – The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever”. Glad it turned on a few light bulbs in helping you realize how a few of your behaviors have been ineffective in forging a relationship with a man.

But I have to say that if I had to write the whole thing again, I would have taken a few pages to put in a caveat:

This advice doesn’t work for every single woman in every single situation with every single guy. Basically, WHD was written for alpha females who want to date alpha males. It was a way to open your eyes about how the men you’re the MOST attracted to don’t necessarily want to date you in return.

While you’ve adjusted your take-charge attitude, you haven’t adjusted for the fact that you’re NOT dating a take-charge guy.

And in the absence of giving yourself an entire personality-ectomy, the smartest thing you can do is a) be aware of some of your tendencies to dominate and b) find a partner who is cool with them.

You, apparently, have done both of those things, Michelle.  But while you’ve adjusted your take-charge attitude, you haven’t adjusted for the fact that you’re NOT dating a take-charge guy.

Take charge guys are the ones who will always follow up quickly, make plans, make the first move, and claim you as their girlfriends.

Beta guys are the ones who have more kindness than confidence. They’re not nearly as assertive. They’re so passive as to be, well, almost feminine in nature. They are not going to put themselves on the line for rejection until it’s 100% clear that you like them. They would sooner wait to get a written notice in the mail that you’re really, truly interested in them than to follow up too much and potentially make you uncomfortable.

Is any of this hitting home, my friend?

So you’re not wrong to curb a little bit of that domineering side. Where you’ve gone astray is that when you’re with a beta male, you’re ALLOWED to be more alpha. “Doing nothing” as I describe in WHD works with take-charge guys because those guys don’t need you to take charge. Your new guy DOES.

The good news is that, if he’s a true beta, he’ll be THRILLED that you’re taking control.

So instead of extrapolating my advice to apply to every man, make an adjustment based on the man you’re actually dating. The good news is that, if he’s a true beta, he’ll be THRILLED that you’re taking control.

When you’re done reading this, give him a call to find out if he’s around this weekend. You’d like to cook him dinner. I suspect that’s all you’ll need to seduce him into becoming your boyfriend. And if, in fact, he’s just not that into you, you’ll figure that out quickly, too.

For all of the women who are reading this who would not be able to tolerate such behavior from your guy and prefer a take-charge man, do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of “Why He Disappeared”. You’ll be very glad you did.

Join our conversation (170 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 91

    Just to make it clear, nearly ALL pack/troop mammals follow the alpha, beta, omega rule (note there is no “other” type as many men try to ID themselves as like gamma or zeta thats just people trying to be “special”). In the human world only 20% of the population is “alpha” the rest are beta/omegas. Then you must apply the “Pareto principle“, (google it). In the past the Beta was the majority of marrying men (followed rules, took care of details, built the cities/bridges) as women were more reliant on their earning power and protection. The “modern” world after the rise after the rise of the “modern woman” caused men that appealed to female hypergamy (normally the “alphas”) to become the “wanted mate” by women. This combined with the loss of male identity, due to boys from the 70’s onward, being forced to defer to women authority figures has lead to “super passive”, aka passive beta/omega, males being te majority in north america. Frankly its a case of sleep in the bed you made. Ok now please direct your hate filled replies towards me as i’m sure i ruffled a few feathers. Truly, Jeff


  2. 92

    Beta female he was an alpha, he had options you didnt.

  3. 93

    This is awesome. I’m used to dating alpha males and we often times butt heads and the relationship gets too intense. So after my last relationship ended I told myself enough of trying to take charge. I’m going to sit back and be the feminine girl that I am. So after dating a series of frogs I came across the sweetest guy ever. It took us 4 weeks to kiss and that’s because I initiated it. It was magical. He is not my “type” but at my age I’ve realized that if I have a “type” I maybe single forever. This guy is so “perfect” for me but he hardly initiates anything. The first two dates he did. he is very respectful but I really get frustrated sometimes. He can’t cook and he cooked me dinner after I offered to cook him dinner. He also communicates mostly via text messages. Because I am so used to guys being aggressive I find myself asking if this man is really into me or not. This article really helps. 

  4. 94

    Beta males are a disease that need to be extinguished. Hitler was onto something by creating the ultimate race.

    1. 94.1

      You are kidding, right?

  5. 95

    I read this but never comment but I had to jump in on this one. I’ve dated those alphas and being an alpha myself it never worked. Evan always says men don’t want a clone. Well, I don’t either! recently started dating a wonderful and sweet ‘beta’ guy. He’s a great complement for my dominant personality and appreciates my strength. But he’s also an outgoing, charismatic, confident guy and when the moment calls for it has no problem engaging his alpha side. He’s a perfect mix of both and if you can find that guy, nab him!

  6. 96

    I was married to a Beta energy man for 24 years and eventually left him as I was TIRED  from driving the marriage. I know I might sound like a martyr when I say this, but seriously if I didn’t make the decisions along the way, we would be still living with his parents. I yearned to have him recognise my being so tired from juggling FT work, PT study, 3 kids and home….but his life revolved around what he wanted to do and if seemed reluctant to ever put himself out for his family including me. I felt like I was a chore to him. I married young and was easily won over by his looks…and not his charm and I had no clue about relationships. I felt trapped and honoured my commitment to him as being wife and mother to our children. Even for valentines day or our 10 year anniversary, he didn’t organise anything as he didn’t want to spend the money. We weren’t broke so who knows why he did what he did. He had it all but ignored my cries for him to help me and to share the load in life.

  7. 97

    There is a book that suggest that alpha woman should go for beta man. Is that really effective? I don’t know but just to let you know. be careful about what advice you can get online. It can contradict one to an other. Just be yourself and go for what you really like not for what other would like you to like.

  8. 98

    Im dating a man like this, don’t know if he is lazy or just a beta. He always says he wants to see me, if I agree, he tells me so what are the plans… Im the one who has to plan the date. Also, a few times not in advance,today he did it again. Im tired of it, told him sorry don’t feel like it, you should have planned something in advance, don’t think he liked my message…

  9. 99

    Run…run as fast as you can. Just kidding (sort of). I ended up with a Beta husband and it is often not a good thing. I find it a challenge for me personally because I really needed an alpha male. I didn’t know these intricacies of dating many, many years ago. I find myself being very angry at my husband for not taking more of a lead in our house. I end up taking the lead nine times out of ten and at times it’s exhausting. It may sound archaic to some, but I really do prefer a strong man to take care of me. Beta’s are more feminine too. Not something that appeals to me personally but it has taught me to get things done and I’m a stronger woman for it. I just wish I didn’t always have to be.

  10. 100

    This is ridiculous. Only the modern women choose a beta male instead of an alpha male, because beta males are what alpha males are not: HUMANS with FEELINGS and not afraid of SHOWING them. The beta male is just someone who doesn’t try to live up to stereotypical standards of what a man is or isn’t. It’s ridiculous this jargon about “How to be a man and man up”. It’s ridiculous and it’s killing men in a rapid speed. Do you understand why men kill themselves 3 times more than women? Because both women and men don’t let men be who they want to be, instead both women and men puts up this huge wall about “How to be a man and to man up”. Please, learn some sense! And let men be beta males and cry and be feminine as much as they want to. And DO date these men! Because they are the only ones that are humane! And the ones that will truly take care of you and never ever be assholes to you.

  11. 101

    This whole Alpha/Beta thing is kind of funny and, I think, a bit simplistic and incorrect for the most part.

    It sounds more like the guy is interested but doesn’t want to put in a huge amount of effort for whatever reason. And that sounds a bit more Alpha, right? (If I have to use those terms) Isn’t not giving a fuck more of an Alpha thing?

    Or maybe he’s just busy, lazy about you, not that interested, his grandma died, he’s talking to multiple women, he doesn’t want to spend the money, he’d rather get stoned, he’d rather play squash? The truth is, you don’t know him well enough to know why.

    Anyway, though. If you want the guy to make plans, etc. and he doesn’t, then don’t go out with him. I would just say it’s not a good match rather than using these very odd terms of Alpha & Beta.

    The way this post, the comments and, I assume, this website paint the Alpha male, is as an outgoing guy, who has his life together, has a career, takes the initiative to plan things, and makes moves sexually. That’s not an Alpha/Beta thing, it’s just dating 101. It’s a Man/Woman thing.

    What the author, Evan, is doing here is trying to boost the woman’s self-esteem and help women convince themselves they are attracted to men who act the way they’d like a man to act, a way that makes them feel good. And that’s great! By thinking the guy who doesn’t make plans is a “beta”, it helps you view him as weak and less attractive. And that makes it easier for you to move on. In that case, you left because he wasn’t good enough, not because you weren’t good enough for him. And that’s also good. The less insecurity there is out there, the better for everyone.

    But, don’t get too wrapped up in the Alpha/Beta thing. Honestly, it’s nonsense. People are just people. Rise above the bullshit and you’ll be ok. Just think about what you want, what you want to give and take it on a case by case basis.

  12. 102

    To the OP.. He’s just not that interested. He probably has several women on the go and picks the best offer on the table Meanwhile keeping you on the hook. If he was really into you, he would be proposing living together or marriage by now not wanting to let you slip away. i think you are wasting your precious time with this man if you plan on having children.

  13. 103

    Oh people are you all deluded, there isn’t such thing as beta, alpha, gama, omega, zeta. There is only :  Baby, Boy, Man.  If he doesn’t become man  is some respective older years then he is still boy. If someone likes boy be with a boy, if not find a man.

  14. 104

    This is a really helpful article, as it sounds exactly like the new guy in my life. While I’m not interested in someone who’s super aggressive, I have puzzled by his affectionate but somewhat cautious behavior. I’ll just go and see how it feels. 

  15. 105

    I’m a beta male, and I can give you some advice.

    First, don’t change yourself, and don’t figure on him changing:
    He is who he is, don’t figure on making him become more outgoing or more assertive. And maybe he’s looking for an alpha female. Be yourself, if you’re outgoing then keep being outgoing. That might be what he finds appealing in you. If he has a habit that you don’t like and you force him to change it, it will only be temporary. The real him will come out again months or years later, and he’ll hold it against you that you tried to change him. If it’s that big of a deal, maybe he’s not the right one for you.

    Don’t assume, just ask:
    If you have any questions, just ask him. Don’t sit there and worry and think to yourself “What if he doesn’t really like me?” “Should I be passive or assertive?” Just bring it up and ask him.

    Make the first move:
    If you want to go out more often, ask him out. I’ve been in many relationships where we’ll go out once or twice, but it seems like she isn’t that interested so it just stops and that’s it. Beta males don’t put in the effort if it seems like it’s not going to go anywhere. Show interest in him, and he’ll probably show it back. (I know, females expect to be pursued, but it doesn’t work that way with a beta male.)

  16. 106

    I have no idea on Earth, how I ended up here, but I cannot deny how fascinated I am with all the relationship dynamics being expressed here. I feel compelled to share an outsiders observation with all. The single most fundamental flaw that I have tracked down in every single one of the debates is that everyone makes assumptions and everyone draws opinionated conclusions. How about this for old fashioned sake; honesty across the board. The biggest disconnect in these relationships are communication flaws. If you are unsure, do not attempt to apply an inevitably flawed algorithm to human nature or intent; just ask. It takes courage to inquire in zones of discomfort, but I garuntee, the honesty works wonders and builds character. Everyone wins,  everyone gets clarity, and people will acquire valuable insight into human nature that will enrichen our understanding of one another.

    1. 106.1
      Karmic Equation

      You’re a good man, Adam. Just packaged a little unconventionally.
      Be yourself. The right woman will see right through to the heart of you and love you for who you are, not who you pretend (or wish) you could be.
      Ultimately, PUA training is to help men develop confidence to interact with women. While it seems that you lacked confidence in interacting with women, you should NEVER have had any lack of confidence in yourself as a human being. You are a good guy.
      Trust that being yourself, your real self, will reach the right woman for you. Women have to kiss a lot of frogs to find her prince. Men don’t mind kissing frogs as long as they get the kissing. And they’re often not looking for their princesses. So the correlating lesson for men is that he might have to be lonely for a while before he finds the woman that will brighten his life.
      And I’ll say it again, PUA tactics work best on the wrong kind of women for LTRs. You’ll end up with an insecure, albeit hot woman, who will make your life out of bed miserable.
      If you truly want to find love. Be comfortable snuggling up to porn for a while until you meet her.

      1. 106.1.1

        Wow Karmic Equation,
        I was not expecting that sort of response, but I welcome the observation. I am not exactly sure what I said that projected my insecurities, but to clarify, my post was relevant to my observation of everyone else’s comments. I agree that I am cut from a different fabric and within that realization, I happen to be very confident.
        In response to the porn comment, I do not recommend that sort of mental destruction to any human. The studies of the effects of porn from a psychological standpoint are overwhelmingly conclusive that our brain chemistry is directly impacted from exposure, along with behavioral, emotions, and psychological habits changing into a never ending battle for stimulation. These alterations drastically effect our perspective of reality and overall, porn is one of the most destructive enemies to mankind.
        I truly feel you are here to offer support and help  others as I am here to offer valuable information as well. Please to not take my response negatively as I mean well. I can not do good in this world if I keep the valuable information to myself, regardless of how others receive the truth, let it be told.

        1. Karmic Equation

          I’m sure you’ve BECOME confident with PUA tactics, just as I’m certain that you were NOT confident before you learned them.


          Why? Because confident men attract women. Confidence attracts women like beauty attracts men.


          So now that you ARE confident, drop the lies. No more telling girls you have a gf when you don’t have one. The girls who lose interest are the wrong girls to have relationships with anyway. “Who cheats with you will cheat on you.”


          Pay attention to the girls who warm up. Those are the quality women you should truly consider for gfs.


          But this assumes you really want a gf, and not just notches on your bedpost.

  17. 107

    I do not like dating alpha men. A mix is great. I’m also a mix but more beta than alpha. I like 50/50 power in a relationship. I bought Why He Disappeared but I don’t want an alpha so I suppose I should dismiss the advice? Please, Evan, write something for women interested in other than alpha males!

  18. 108

    Josie, you just pointed out the core reason behind everyone who argues with Evan’s advice, both men and women.

    His (as well as mostly all the dating coaches and even the PUA’s) advice is tailored toward women seeking and men who are Alpha. And though I don’t know if the “majority” of women want a Alpha or not…

    I do know that the majority of men are NOT Alpha’s, and this is why so many of the male readers get upset at the advice that Evan and the many others like him are giving to women.

    His advice implies that if men don’t act a certain way toward women or do certain things for women, that we aren’t REAL or Strong men.

    But, being a constant reader of Evan’s site, I know that he isn’t doing it maliciously, which is why, like you Josie, I would love for him to write a dating book for us Beta men.

  19. 109

    Why are you dating a beta? Beta’s like us don’t deserve happiness we should be allowed to die off.

  20. 110

    Thanks a lot Evan for this article. I have read a handful of articles on dating and relationships but never have i read something like this. I am currently in a confused relationship on how to handle this guy i met two months ago. Obviously he is a Beta male and i never knew it. I have been thinking he is not interested in me. we have even talked about it and he will say he is interested but i have been so confused at his waiting for me to take the lead most times; I used to think its not a manly attitude. i am an alpha female and just trying not to be domineering.

    Thanks for this eye-opener


    1. 110.1

      I’m in the same boat after more than 2 months. I actually assumed he had other girlfriends since I see him only once every 10-15 days.  I still don’t know his real world, we fought because of his closed personality! I’ve never been in his house, his alibi is he has paid roommates! A 50 year old man cannot entertain in his own home? He texts me all day like clockwork, asked me to be exclusive very early, seems to really like me. Yet on Valentine’s day ignored me other than a text at day’s end.  A few days later he asked to see me. I said No, because you don’t treat me like a priority.  His alibi was, he’d been sick again on the weekend!



  21. 111

    I think people get too serious about all these stuff, where does true love stand in all these ? For example, I love being in control I make the decisions in myrelationships then I met this girl and I notice that she doesn’t like the fact I take control of things and she complained about it and said that she’s scared I’m a control freak. From then on I allow her take some decisions and I also make sure we discuss things through before making decisions together, does that make me a beta male ?
    I would say categorising work when u are just in for the fun but if u are looking to settle down and truly love who u are with, u will be ready to make it work and won’t be hell bent on showing what category u are !!

    1. 111.1
      Paul Lane

      You are leading based on her likess too, and every now and then you surprise her with a new place you two have never gone before.

  22. 112
    Paul Lane

    Lol Beta males too funny aka lazy males afriad to make a mistake with a woman, he waits around for her to tell him when she wants to do something, he lets her decide instead of make a choice himself. Just walk in any mall you will see plenty beta males walking three to five steps behind the woman, with her complaining the whole time in front of other people. Why oh why can this sorry excuse of a man make a choice already, she wants to go to dinner with you and she asks you to choose a nice place to go, but like the beta male you are, you pass the choice back to her to decide only to have her pass it right back to you, this dumb stufr goes on for about three rounds befor the female get mad and says forget about I just want to stay home. There you go again ruining what could have been a great night for the both of you, which could have lead to sex.

  23. 113

    so apparently, women are just meant to be passive bystanders in society

  24. 114

    My god! This is a horrible site. It propagates myths that somehow “men” should always chase women and “women” should expect that.

    Is this some time warp? Did someone (er, that’s you Eric Marc Katz, love the 3 name thing!) step in here from the 13th century?

    Should I go grab my horse and strap on my sword? Sorry. I’m a modern guy. If I chase a women, great. If she chases me, great. These ‘rules’ that supposedly everyone knows and follows are just for a particular portion of the population. I’m not an alpha and not a beta and I don’t even know what those other greek letters are. I’m a guy, not a letter in an alphabet.

    To all of you who think there is some script that you MUST follow to snag a husband or wife – good for you. Hope it works, really. But please stop with the blanket, all-encompassing statements about men and women please? It’s ridiculous. It should have stopped once everyone left primary/elementary school, because that’s the last time I saw this bullshit being used.

    Grow up Eric.




    1. 114.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      First of all, it’s not called “chasing”. It’s called showing interest. If you want a job, do you expect the employer to reach out to you on your couch and see if you’re interested? No. You apply for a job. And if calling a woman to show interest after each date is too much work for you, well, guess what? There’s another guy who is going to show interest and get the girl while you sit here and spew venom on a site that lets women know that yes, if a man likes you, he’ll call you to see you again, instead of sitting back and waiting for her to call.

      Second of all, your hyperbole doesn’t serve you. Insulting me doesn’t serve you. Invoking swords doesn’t serve you. You’re just venting that an article like this called attention to the fact that, in fact, women don’t like your way of doing things. That your passive approach to pursuit (based on being a modern guy) is just not all that effective. That women, no matter how modern, LIKE it when a guy makes an effort to show his interest. It’s not a show. It’s not over the top. Call her for a date, plan the date, pay for the date, call her after the date to say you’d like to do it again. Wash, rinse, repeat. Somehow, you think that this is from the 1600s. Well, guess what? Guys who do this with confidence are giving women what THEY want – a clear sign of interest, rather than texting, hanging out, making casual overtures and Netflix and chill.

      I didn’t say there is a script that you MUST follow. But I do give best practices – for both women and men. What will work on more women? Sitting back to be pursued or making an effort? How about you go on Match and NOT write to anyone? How about you NOT ask women out when you like them? How about you NOT pay for your early dates? Let me know how it goes. And then come back and tell me that, whether you like it or not, everything I said is true.

      You are a passive man who likes letting women pursue. You will get results consistent with that. Men who take the initiative will simply get better results – in all aspects of life.

      Finally, learn to read, Steve. My name is Evan, not Eric. Says it all over the site.

      Best of luck on your crusade. You probably should hit up every other dating coach on the planet who agrees with me after you’re done here.

  25. 115

    I am now married.  I have been for 3 yrs and we dated 3 before that.  I read this site religiously while dating and it helped me.  One thing I wanted to say is I married a beta male.  He is loyal and I know he loves me more than anything but I have to frequently tell myself that because he is not in any way a pursuer.  I knew that from the start but he is a good guy.  I am hoppier than I have ever been in a relationship but I still feel like the chaser.  I initiate date nights, family nights, sex every thing.  He thinks he is being kind allowing us to do whatever I want.  He doesn’t buy gifts or do anything spontaneious.  I frequently wonder if he really wants me but I look and it is just him in every aspect of his life,  he is reactive except his hobbies.  He has a hard time making proactive moves with friends though.  I guess my point before I ramble on is if you are dating a beta they may be the most loyal and sweet people but be ok with never feeling ‘chased’ or romanced because it is against their grain.  He is trying in ways because he knows it bother me but it doesn’t feel natural still and I feel unwanted a lot. Wishing you all the success in dating ladies!

  26. 116

    All this beta and alpha stuff is a load of crap. Games, waiting certain times to message etc. That’s a bunch of fake shit and for people with no real confidence.


    Be yourself. The real you. Be genuine. If someone likes you they like you. If not then fuck them. Calmness is being relaxed will make you confident. You’re not going to get the confidence if you aren’t calm and relaxed. You also have to get out of your comfort zone and as in everyday life you have to take the hits to get success. Get willing to get hit ( hurt and rejected ) in order to get to the good.


    Beta, alpha, omega,  fuck off. Load of shit. Here’s a thought, instead of beating around the bush, display some honesty and what you really want/need WHEN  it’s the time for it. After a while, MAKE The time if it’s not happening.

  27. 117

    The science and chemistry behind Human Sociology and Psychology should be objectively taught and learned on some level to all people from birth to our passing for this thread to be of much assistance.

    Sadly, that is not what the powers who be choose for our educational system, because ignorance is bliss to the probable and problematic dissenters.

    FACT: Humans are mammalian, predatory, pack scavenging animals who also happen to be tribal and Simian. Learn all there is to know about THAT, and then maybe we can get to the proper perspective and understanding of it ALL.

    Alpha, beta, omega personality types amongst the genders and their various age groups, socio-economic background/origins, race, education, intelligence, ethics, sexuality, etc. Waaay too many divergent factors to be taken into consideration here for accurate answers to be known as opposed to emotionally opinionionated replies.

  28. 118

    I think women are inundated with the message men will move mountains if they are interested. Although it is perpetuated that it’s more socially acceptable for men to pursue based on some alpha man/ hunter/gatherer evolutionary concept, has anyone paused for a moment to question whether or not we’re operating on a flawed ideology? We are also told somewhere second, third, even fourth to this that men can have the same insecurities that women have. Somehow though, the part about insecurities playing any real role in their behavior falls to the wayside when judging what they “should” be doing.

    I agree when you are interested in someone you are compelled to try, whether you are male or female. I also can’t help but think how things are set up for women to want to try, yet they are expected to sit around waiting for the man to suggest everything and direct all movement. Women take  men’s actions in the initiative category as the ultimate measure. Maybe it is as black and white as this and I’m missing the point, but I can’t help but think how often a woman’s actions belie her real feelings. Is it not within the realm of possibilities there are men who do the same thing out of uncertainty? Scoff it you want. I’m just of the belief it is shallow and dismissive to both men and women to think men are somehow incapable of being affected by doubts and women are incapable of affecting men beyond men wanting to hit it and quit it.

    Call me naive. I don’t really care. I’m tired of the paradigm being portrayed that women must leave it up to the man to define everything and her power lies only in  accepting or turning down his definitions.  Frankly, this strikes me as blowing sunshine. It’s convincing women with a pat on the head that the paper tiger is mightier than the real tiger. It also puts all the pressure on men to forge ahead without consideration for their feelings regarding rejection.

    Each person has their own tolerance level for how much they will risk exposing their feelings. This is an individual choice. People need to stop listening to what their tolerance level “SHOULD” be and start listening to what it actually is. Can this result in keeping something on life support? Yes it can. But, guess what? That is what shapes each person and helps them figure out their own tolerance level.

    Perhaps I’m on a mission and should just avoid sites like this because by participating I’m adding to them, but I am beyond tired of all the information out there that tells you how you must be and how ignorant you are about how things are IN YOUR OWN LIFE. Maybe some of the people dispensing their brand of advice have good intentions, maybe they are only in it to make a buck. I don’t know.

    What I do know is there is there is absolutely the power of suggestion, especially when people are in a vulnerable state. It’s very easy to take a message to the extreme. I also have a suspicion the messages are meant to be taken as extreme. This helps to ensure you’ll keep coming back to find out what else is wrong with you that you were simply too clueless to realize. The result is that instead of helping a person figure out some finer points of social interaction, they end up believing everything they do is wrong and will fall under the title of unacceptable behavior.

    What are we left with then? We are left with an even bigger divide between men and women disguised as helping to bridge the gap. It’s an excellent business model, I must say. It plants the doubts in people’s minds that raise the fear that every text message that was supposedly one sentence too long was the nail in the relationship coffin.

    CORRELATIN DOES NOT EQUAL CAUSATION. If the desire to want to get to know someone is there, even if muted by societal pressure and insecurity, all the nit picking minutiae you are told will be the death won’t matter. What WILL matter is that you (man OR woman) took the chance to express yourself and let the chips fall where they may. If you do this you’ll know instead of turning to some third party who will give you their general view instead of you forming your own view FOR YOU.

    How many opportunities were missed before deciding to be the captain of your own ship and to stop buying into this over complication and fear mongering?

    Do your own thing. If it doesn’t work you’ll find out soon enough. Above all, put the damn games and preconceived notions aside. Stop playing victim and buying into the the division tactic the other side holds all the power. Treat the other person how you would like to be treated… that’s the real power. And, put your ego in check and stop crafting an exit strategy to ensure you are the victor before anything even starts.


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