Men Like Women Who Show Affection. Seriously.

girl kissing a man because they like woman who show affection

I love this. New study confirms what we’ve already observed.

Men respond to women who show their physical interest in them on a first date.
Women are turned off by men who show their physical interest on a first date.

The short version of this is that women like men who play it cool and that men like women who make them feel good – interesting, masculine, sexy, trusted (which is the central premise of my book Why He Disappeared.)

Men are simple, ego-driven creatures. If you think he’s cute, funny, and fascinating, chances are he’s going to want to spend more time with you.

Which is why the key for women – although you may not want to believe it – is to ACT INTERESTED in a man if you’re interested in him.

“Men who perceive women to be interested in them rated the women as more feminine and sexually attractive. They also showed more interest in having long-term relationships with the responsive women than with the nonresponsive women.”

No duh!!

I’ve never understood the “women playing hard to get” thing. Men are simple, ego-driven creatures. If you think he’s cute, funny, and fascinating, chances are he’s going to want to spend more time with you.

As to why women are turned off by men who are interested? “Women may think the men are trying too hard to win their affection and get them into bed. Or, women may see responsive men as eager to please, or even desperate,” Birnbaum said. Perhaps, the researchers noted, women may view a responsive man as vulnerable and less dominant.”

So there you have it, guys. You can be thoughtful and chivalrous, but don’t kiss her ass. And there you have it, ladies: scientific proof of everything I’ve always suggested.   Ask him questions. Laugh at his jokes. Touch him on the hand. Touch him on the knee. Reciprocate when he kisses you at the end of the night.

Men respond to women based on how we feel around you.

Make us feel good and we ain’t going anywhere.

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  1. 41

    its just not this simple…


    i have guys tell me they hate when a woman is too eager..


    where the heeellllll do you find balance

  2. 42

    My two cents: I’m 56 and slim, athletic and get asked out by 35 year old men. But I don’t want a 35 year old man. I’m looking for a lasting relationship. I met a man whom I   met online and we didn’t talk very long at all. I realized he just wasn’t a talker but he was interested. We met for coffee for an hour and we hugged at the end and he asked me out. Now let me say, I liked his personality very much. Very much, but he was a smoker and at least 40 lbs overweight and kinda wheezed at times. Still, I like him and decided to give it a shot. During our first date he kept physically putting things between us and when he drove me home, he showed me the river near his house, saying it was where couple made out, then he drove me home……I got out of the car and stood there waiting. I finally reached up and gave him a hug and a kiss on the lips and said “thank you” and “good-night”. Second date, He picks me up and I meet him with a hug and kiss his cheek. I helped him make dinner for the teenaged kids he is raising as a single father. ANXIETY! Still, I had fun and I like kids, even older kids. I have one of my own and they seemed perfectly normal and likable . He drove me home. Longer hug and longer kiss. I texted him about how much I enjoyed the evening. He messages me the next day saying he was not feeling the chemistry because I was not affectionate enough and then points to me kissing him on the cheek in greeting for the second date. Then he tells me he wants to be with someone who wants to have sex in the park when no one is looking and I’m not that kind.   Is he just trying to say he is not into me? I wish he would just say it and not accuse me of not being affectionate. It really bothered me, today, for about six hours and I felt unattractive and inadequate. Guys, if you don’t feel any attraction, just say it, don’t drag the woman down too.

  3. 43
    Christopher Range

    The question that keeps chewing at me.   Is a response I received from a woman who knows I am interested in her.   She had asked me what my expectations were, prior to my first visit in September ’16.   I told her I only had ‘wants’, but   one expectation regarding my physical health.   She said she didn’t want to have any sex.   I abided by that.

    The second visit in January ’17, was the week of her birthday.   Between the first n’ second visits’, I asked her if the ‘no sex’ statement included ‘no hugging, ‘no kissing’, and ‘no holding hands’.   She said it didn’t.

    She told me she doesn’t do Valentines’ Day.   I was initially hurt by this.   So, I Googled it.   It is not all that uncommon.

    We talk on the phone, almost 30mins. each evening.

    Some people say I am in the ‘Friendzone’.   While others say she is definitely interested despite not giving noticeable responses.

    1. 43.1
      Karl R

      Christopher Range said:

      “The question that keeps chewing at me.”

      You didn’t ask a question. You described a situation, but you never got around to asking your question. That’s going to limit people’s ability to answer your question.

      Since you didn’t ask a question of us, I’m going to ask one of you. You don’t seem very happy with this relationship. Why are you staying in it?


      Christopher Range said:

      “Some people say I am in the ‘Friendzone’.   While others say she is definitely interested despite not giving noticeable responses.”

      Does it matter which of those it is?

      It’s not clear to me how long this … um … relationship-ish thingy … (maybe?) … was going on before your first visit in September, but it’s been a bare minimum of five months. If this was a normal relationship, you would know whether you’re boyfriend/girlfriend before the three month mark.

      Why don’t you spend one minute tonight (out of the 30 you’ll be spending on the phone) to ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend? You’ve asked “some people”, but you apparently haven’t asked the one person who actually knows the answer to the question.

    2. 43.2


      No doubt about it. Either you have been friend zoned, or you got yourself one weird “girlfriend”.   My best guess from the limited information, is you’re dealing with   a head case. Doesn’t matter; no self-respecting man lets any woman jerk him around like that for five months! EVER! There is not a woman on this planet who is worth that, I promise you. Do yourself a favor. End it now, and move on. There are plenty of others. Life is way too short to waste more than a month on women who, for whatever reason, just aren’t that into you. Drop ’em and find a woman who really is. You’ll be glad you did. No man ever did himself any flavors by staying with a woman less into him than he is into her. One last thing. Grow some real boldness, and flip the script on them. Act like you’re the prize, not her. Learn to be cocky as hell, and be able to back it up. Keep them all off balance, instead of letting them do it to you. I will get blasted here for telling you this, and most of the women here will deny it works, but in truth, it does, and not just on 18-25 year olds, either. Works on any age, and the hotter they believe they are the better it works. It’s gotta be real though; the deal is that her overblown ego frequently masks a lot of insecurities; if yours doesn’t, you have the advantage. USE IT! Never let them see you off balance; never let them make you react to their barbs.   That’s a shit test. Ignore it, and don’t react. Same when they’re overly affectionate. Always two steps forward, one step back. The less you react to either extreme, the better. Where you want her, especially in the beginning, is guessing and confused, because she can’t quite figure you out. Never be afraid to walk away from any woman, no matter how hot she is. You aren’t hurting them with this, (no matter how much they say they hate it); actually they love it, as long as you keep it playful. Most women do not know how to react to that, because they haven’t experienced that from a man, at least not often. You will get rejected, and you might get slapped,…but you will also get dates. All’s fair in love and war. Two caveats; (1) it takes brass balls, reasonable intelligence, awareness of body language (yours and hers), and a very confident, extroverted personality to pull this off, and you absolutely have to not care about the outcome with any one woman (You will NOT win them all, and you will NOT get every woman you want, but you will get your share) and (2) DO NOT use those tactics to hurt women or use them, EVER. Your goal is to have a good time and let her have one, but if you don’t want to keep her, let her go; never use this to string women along, and don’t make promises you can’t (or don’t intend to) keep.

  4. 44
    Josie Marshall

    This Dating Experience For Me Is Hard I Miss Being Married..

  5. 45

    I think the main problem here is that most people, men and women, are interpreting “make him feel good” as being physical. It’s not. Or, at least, not about touching him.

    In my experience, if a woman touches herself, it is just as or more exciting to men – but in a different way. When a woman touches a man, he thinks “she’s interested in me”. When a woman touches herself, he thinks “she’s interested in pleasure / sensuality – she will be sensual in her interactions with me“.

    In the first situation, there’s a lot of room for misinterpretation in “interested”. That could be “interested in my wallet”, “interested in a free meal”, “interested in sex”, “interested in not being alone”…you get the picture. There’s more potential for a man to feel like it could be more about what she wants vs what he wants, or that he’s possibly just one guy in a string of guys.   Whereas being interested in pleasure itself encompasses both the woman and potentially the man, but less overtly. His imagination will run wild, but since it’s less focused on him, it creates possibility without putting pressure on him. It shows the woman as being open, without tacit approval of the man when he’s still a stranger.

    Touching him gives approval of him; touching herself demonstrates how she acts. That’s why so many of the ladies are saying no to this – that nonverbal signal of approval is seen by most men as a green light, but for what? It sets up the woman to have to say no if he gets it wrong (and they mostly get it wrong, because guessing what a stranger wants is inherently iffy), and that’s bad. It is much, much better for the woman to not ever have to say no to anything on the first few dates.

    I very much agree with Evan that it benefits a woman to show approval to a man in whom she is interested. But it’s important not to use a grenade launcher to kill a fly. Approval can be shown by smiles, direct eye contact, touching her own hair or clothing, leaning forward, laughing, giving words of approval such as “I like that / love that / want that”, simple proximity, crossing the room to be near him, asking him for favors, asking questions aka showing interest in him or about him, or even using experience words like “delicious”, “amazing”, or “spicy” while batting your eyelashes at him.

    My words demonstrate how the woman is, but not how she feels about the man. I see that as a good thing, because on a first date, he’s a stranger. He might be a fabulous guy, or he might not. There’s just not enough data to make that determination. At this point, a yellow light is more appropriate than a green light. Yellow means “proceed, but not at top speed”.

    Men in general tend to be more visual than verbal, so it is more effective to SHOW him than to tell him. Evan is using the words “interest” and “affection” but I would say that “fun” and “playful” are more effective. Evan’s words are more specific to the man she’s with; my words are about  her. When a woman is having fun, a man will interpret that as “she’s having fun  with me,  she’s playing  with me“. Correct or not, a man will interpret a woman who is having a good time as being about him – which is a benefit to the woman who wants a second date.

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