My Boyfriend Is Turned Off By My Hairy Legs.

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I’m 25 and have been dating a man who is 34 for the last 1.5 years. There is a lot to like about him – he’s smart, kind, caring, and dependable. He is almost the elusive ‘alpha male nerd’. He likes taking charge and being ‘the man’ in the relationship, but he is also sensitive and loves to spend hours reading on the couch next to me. We have a lot of shared interests and generally get on like pals. He constantly tells me how beautiful I am, and how amazing he thinks I am as a person. But here is the caveat:

He is repulsed by my leg hair. I’ve never been one to shave or wax my legs very consistently. Over the winter I’ve been known to go for 6 months without grooming. But last year decided that this whole hairless thing was kind of silly (and kind of sexist…not anyone’s fault just the jolly old patriarchy and all) and definitely not worth the time and money it took to keep my legs smooth.

My boyfriend was not pleased about this. All of a sudden the man who told me he couldn’t stop loving me even if I gained a hundred pounds and wanted to have sex twice a day now doesn’t have much interest in having sex with me at all. He told me recently he doesn’t even like cuddling anymore because he can feel the hair. Yet he is still happy to accept oral sex from me…

So I know this could technically be exchanged for any other body part. What if my boyfriend didn’t like my short hair cut or my pubic hair, etc. But leg/armpit hair seems to be unique. It is such a widespread and visible practice that I think many men just automatically associate furry legs as manly, and assume that all girls magic themselves hairless without much effort. My boyfriend has said he’s tried to get over this but can’t.

I am at a loss for what to do. On the one hand, even though the thought of having to groom all over for the rest of my life seems terrible, it’s not the worst compromise to make for an otherwise great man. On the other hand I’ve found something that makes me feel great about my body. I know it sounds crazy but not shaving has made me feel more powerful, more human, and oddly more feminine. And something feels kind of gross about taking the razor to that for a man.

But I know you like numbers, and I know that more men are going to find smooth legs attractive than men who will find hairy legs attractive. But I also know there is a fair amount of men who don’t really care.

At the moment I’m feeling really hurt and unattractive and that’s not how one hopes to feel in a lifelong partnership. Yet I know he feels hurt too. Even though we’ve had long conversations about my reasons for doing it and how I don’t mind doing for him occasionally but not every day and how I want to find other ways to be ‘sexy’, he still feels like this is a really easy and nice thing I could do for him. Though when I asked him to shave his legs for a month just to see what it was like, he refused. I feel especially hurt because I’ve accepted him for exactly who he is, and have never asked him to change anything about himself (appearance or otherwise). He’s average height, a bit overweight and balding. But I chose to get over those things because he’s an otherwise great guy and I’m still sexually attracted to him as a whole. I am a 25 year old yoga instructor. I don’t mean to sound conceited but I know I look pretty fab. Yet he can’t get over a bit of body hair…

So what do I do? Do I get over it and just shave my legs or risk losing this relationship as well as potential future partners who will be grossed out by my leg hair?

Or do I leave the relationship letting him find a new pair of legs, and moving on to hairier pastures?

Sincerely,
Kayla (aka Chewbacca)

I’m somewhat surprised that I haven’t been asked this question before, and somewhat surprised that I don’t have a ready-made answer.

Your boyfriend isn’t asking you to undergo a personality transplant. He’s asking you to something you’ve done before, something you did before you met him, something that is widely accepted as standard practice for women.

But your question is so well-written, Kayla, that it seems like you’ve already thought of this from most angles. First:

It is such a widespread and visible practice that I think many men just automatically associate furry legs as manly, and assume that all girls magic themselves hairless without much effort. My boyfriend has said he’s tried to get over this but can’t.

You kind of nailed it right there.

I can see why it’s frustrating to you, but attraction is not something you can logic your way into. It’s why you can’t force yourself to be attracted to the nice guy who brings you flowers on the first date, or force yourself to be attracted to the bland CPA who will probably make a good husband for someone, just not you.

We can go back and forth and negotiate WHY you’re not attracted to him — and while we may even make some headway in figuring it out, what does it change?

Unless the CPA were to undergo a personality transplant, you’re still not going to be attracted to him.

And that’s where your situation is different. Your boyfriend isn’t asking you to undergo a personality transplant. He’s not asking you to try polyamory. He’s not asking you to quit being a yoga instructor and get a desk job.

He’s asking you to do something you’ve done before, something you did before you met him, something that is widely accepted as standard practice for women.

Here’s an entire New York Magazine article about it from last summer.

So you can blame the patriarchy and choose to rebel against it.

Or you can shave your legs and armpits like 90+% of the population, because it will mean that your boyfriend remains attracted to you.

I know that sounds insensitive — like I’m putting his needs before yours.

I’m not. I’m acknowledging what you wrote.

On the one hand, even though the thought of having to groom all over for the rest of my life seems terrible, it’s not the worst compromise to make for an otherwise great man.

You gain far more from a lifetime with this man than you lose in the 10 minutes a week you spend shaving.

This is really what it comes down to. Your issue is body hair. Other couples may quibble about money or fitness or cleanliness or family.

But it’s all the same question: Would I rather compromise to make my partner happy, or would I rather find a different partner?

No one in the world can answer that for you. But I would suggest, given how hard it is to find the “elusive alpha male nerd”, that you gain far more from a lifetime with this man than you lose in the 10 minutes a week you spend shaving.

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Comments:

  1. 21
    Sarah

    Dude. Cut a deal. You get your business sugared twice a month if he pays for it and agrees to lose x number of pounds/work out regularly/stop eating sardines/ fix whatever you find gross about him (and don’t act like there’s nothing, we’re all a little gross).

    If you can’t get rid of a conflict, trade it in for a step forward.

  2. 22
    BostonRobin

    Wow, a lot of people getting into the LW’s business. Very judgmental over someone you don’t even know.
    Here’s my take, which I don’t think anyone else has considered: people evolve and change, especially in their 20s. LW, if letting your body hair grow makes you feel empowered and good about yourself and your BF doesn’t like it, then it sounds to me like you outgrew him. Your comment about his appearance is kind of giving that away too. And I know the feeling of accepting someone 100% and yet being judged and picked at. These people seem to think that because you aren’t complaining, they must be perfect.
      

  3. 23
    Joe

    Chewbacca, would you be OK if your BF decided he wanted to grow out his beard like the guys in ZZ Top?

    1. 23.1
      Josh K.

      She accepts even his fat belly and the balding. And he is ALSO a chewbacca and won’t shave for her as well, ahahaha! He has nothing to complain about, she at least is young and fit.

  4. 24
    Dina Strange

    Isobel, if the guy actually loved you, he’d accept you with hairy legs. Let me remind you that hundreds if not thousands of  years ago, people fell in love, and reproduced with women who had hairy legs…

    In addition if someday you guys were stranded alone on an island do you think you boyfriend (not having an option of finding another woman or screwing a monkey) would mind you having hairy less. No way. He’d GLADLY have sex with you with your hair legs, underarms and whatever else.

    However final decision is up to you. It would be a small compromise for me to make however…it starts with hairy legs and ends with him requiring you to do OTHER things to make you happy, and then it might just never stop.

    1. 24.1
      Dan

      “Let me remind you that hundreds if not thousands of  years ago, people fell in love, and reproduced with women who had hairy legs…”

      Not to nitpick or be rude, but the above statement is not entirely true. There is evidence to support that humans have actually been removing body hair for many thousands of years. Scissors were likely invented 4000 to 5000 thousands of years ago. Also, when these were not available, humans were known to use rocks and seashells to cut or scrub unwanted hair off the body. So chances are that hairless legs have been preferred on women for longer than the modern industrial period of the last few hundred years.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scissors#History

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosmetics_in_Ancient_Rome#Skincare  

      1. 24.1.1
        Josh K.

        Dan,exactly: Humans. BOTH sexes.
        Shaving has been around for ages, and both used to want to look good. Not just a bunch of entitled hairy dudes expecting grown up women not to be hairy anywhere like in many/most cultures right now.

  5. 25
    Elle

    “Though when I asked him to shave his legs for a month just to see what it was like, he refused.” This made me laugh. She asked her (presumably beardless) 34 year old boyfriend, who has had to shave his face on a daily basis since he was a teenager to be well groomed, to shave his legs for a month so he’ll know what a pain it is to have to shave regularly?! Look,  women shaving  is not “silly or sexist.” It is about maintaining male/female polarity to stimulate attraction. The more masculine we perceive a man to be, the more we are attracted to him, and vice versa. So let’s turn this around. What if the OP’s boyfriend decided to start wearing lacy, sexy, women’s underwear. Just because it feels so good, and helps him  get in touch with his feminine side, which he  likes. Women can wear underwear designed to look like a man’s by designers like Calvin Klein. So isn’t it sexist that men can’t wear  feminine underwear, he argues? But the  sight of her man in women’s underwear demasculinizes him in her eyes, and turns her off. She tries to ignore it and not  let it bother her, but she finds that when they are  making out on the couch, just the knowledge  that  she is soon going to be  faced with  his pink  bikini-style underwear  with little bows on it is really affecting her  feelings of attraction for him. He doesn’t understand why she isn’t more supportive, so he asks her to wear men’s boxers  for a month to see what it is like. She refuses.    The point of this reversal is to highlight that both men and women can behave in ways that either strengthen or decrease their partner’s  feelings of attraction for them. If it is a great relationship otherwise, then don’t rock the boat. My personal philosophy is that you can never get more than 85% of what you want in a relationship. Don’t wreck an 85% relationship trying to get to 100%. It doesn’t exist. You may well find yourself sliding down to a relationship that only gives you 60% of what you want. The OP needs to focus far more on being grateful for what her apparently great boyfriend gives her.  From that place of gratitude she can hopefully happily make the small sacrifice of shaving her legs for him. Isn’t a great sex life worth that small gesture on her part? Taking ideological stands like this against the patriarchy won’t keep a gal warm at night. It’s cutting off your nose to spite your face. Save your feminist battles for things that really matter – equal pay for work of equal value, domestic violence, sexual harassment in the work place, etc. Then be grateful you’ve got a great guy to come home to.

    1. 25.1
      Mike

      What she said…

    2. 25.2
      DS

      A sane voice at last!

    3. 25.3
      Chaka

      Great analogy!   Very well put!

    4. 25.4
      Josh K.

      So many contradictions it;s bizarre.

      “She asked her (presumably beardless) 34 year old boyfriend, who has had to shave his face on a daily basis since he was a teenager to be well groomed”
      You can’t assume he is beardless. And men are NOT expected to be beardless. Beard is socially acceptable. Unlike women with mustaches… and it seems that she shaves hers, if not he would be complaining as well, it seems. So even if he is indeed beardless, they would be even if she doesn’t have a mustache as well.

      “Look,  women shaving  is not “silly or sexist.””
      No, only the double standard when it comes to body hair that is sexist. Hairy men expecting women to have no body hair is way too hypocritical.

      “So isn’t it sexist that men can’t wear  feminine underwear, he argues?”
      Yes, it IS sexist that men are deemed “silly” for wearing “feminine” underwear, and women “butch” for wearing “masculine” underwear. No one said otherwise.

      The point of the discussion is body hair. Both sexes have it. Most women would NEVER dump their men for being adults; adults have body hair. That is both masculine and feminine. Nor would they dump them for shaving, as men are much more than body hair. That men would not accept a woman’s adulthood is wrong in all ways.

      “The OP needs to focus far more on being grateful for what her apparently great boyfriend gives her.”
      Like, not even shave the exact same part of the body he wants her to shave? His fatness and balding? Why can’t he be grateful he has a young, fit woman who accepts who he is with all of his flaws? He is the one who is lucky.

    5. 25.5
      Lorena

      Don’t forget that most of what we think is considered feminine or masculine is because society,media and consumerism made you by mentally and emotionally conditioning you to think that how it is, it is created to manipulate you into doing what they want you do and believe, and spend on what they want you to spend money on.

      1. 25.5.1
        Russell

        Not true.   Men and women’s brains work differently as proven by science.   Google is your friend.   Society, consumerism, media, etc…have some influence, but not as much as you think.   In fact, we drive those things, and when they deviate from what we want, we reject it.   If what you thought was true, society would be much different, because the media has been trying to sell is.on many ideas that we have not bought into for decades.

  6. 26
    Sam

    Have you tried the Intuition brand razor? It is the razor where the blade has soap surrounding the blade part so no shaving cream or hassle is necessary. All you need is water so I do it quickly in the shower. I’m pretty lazy too so it’s perfect for me. The blades are a bit expensive but it gives you a smooth shave and, even when done very carefully (which is necessary for me because I’m a little clumsy hehe) it takes about 2 minutes, tops. It’s EXTREMELY easy and might help your situation.

  7. 27
    Susannah

    This is not about body hair.   This is about her feeling that his acceptance of her is conditional based upon her appearance and feeds into what appears to be a belief that the real her is not good enough, that she has to conform to societal expectations to be found attractive – when actually there are plenty of guys that aren’t bothered by body hair and would accept the natural version of her.  From her comments “he is overweight, average height and balding” it is clear that she feels that she made compromises for him with an unconscious expectation that he would do the same for her.   I would say that on some level, despite stating that she looks “pretty fab” she feels that she is limited in some way and therefore settled for a guy that she wasn’t totally attracted to and maybe even sensed that she was superior to in some ways.   This maybe gave her a feeling of control and safety, like he would be grateful that someone like her would be in a relationship with someone like him and thus he wouldn’t leave her (maybe she has some abandonment/self-esteem issues she needs to address).   However, when this guy, who she knows deep down isn’t on her “level” is looking down on HER, her ego takes a blow and she feels hurt and rejected and maybe even concludes that if even this guy, who is not as attractive as she is, is looking down on her, there MUST be something wrong with *her*.  She describes him as “sensitive, kind and caring”, yet his actions are insensitive, unkind and definitely not very caring.   She also said that he likes to be the “man” in the relationship.   Is that code for he likes to call the shots and be in a more powerful position?   That doesn’t sound like someone who wants an equal relationship or that really respects women all that much.   He appears to think that being a man = being better than woman.   This is echoed in his degrading treatment of someone he supposedly loves I.e. allowing her to perform oral sex upon him, without feeling the need to show any care, love or respect for her needs or feelings.   It is also shown in his expectation that she shave/wax her legs for him, rather than for herself and also in his withdrawal of affection and care when she didn’t shave her legs.   She states that they have shared interests, which may make her think that they share values but it is clear on quite a big issue – women’s rights – that they don’t.  
    Feminism is clearly something that Kayla values.   She is having to go against these values to remain in this relationship and its breeding resentment.   Relationships often require a little compromise but this situation is entirely one sided, with her being expected to change herself to suit his tastes.    

  8. 28
    Mike

    Ah – I was with Susannah for about the first 70% of her post.   I agree that it sounds like she has some insecurity issues and needs to be reassured that he will love her no matter what… sound like BPD anyone?      If we’re going to read deep into their psyches I’m sure we can dredge up all kinds misogynistic tendencies and rampant feminism theories.   However, Susannah and I split when we get to male control issues.    Men tend to be pretty straight-forward about things and maybe he just doesn’t find hairy legs attractive.   No deep-seated male dominance issues, no control issues.   Maybe he loves her very much and is worried that he’s losing physical attraction for her – go back and read the first paragraph again.    The harsh reality is that physical attraction is part of a relationship along with commitment, honesty, compromise, and love.   You can make your own choices on the relative importance of each of those but if one is too far out of whack, it’s not going to work.   I would think that if it was a controlling issue, it would have cropped up in other areas as well and that doesn’t sound like the case.

    As for his physical appearance, we don’t know that she’s actually confronted him with that issue – sounds like he thinks she’s ok with it (as opposed to “accepting” it).   

    Maybe I’m wrong… who knows… but being stubborn and not being willing to compromise is the fastest way for resentment and bitterness to fester and destroy what sounds like in all other aspects a pretty good relationship.   Hopefully they’ll at least get a counselor who can help them discover the bigger issues… or she can end up regaling her friends with the stories of her controlling misogynistic ex while her 50 cats rub up against her furry legs.

      

    1. 28.1
      pat

      ”  sound like BPD anyone?”

      Um, no, it doesn’t.   The clinical diagnosis for BPD has nothing to do with insecurity.   Nothing.   I’ve heard men throw this term “bipolar” around regarding women without actually understanding it or having any professional training in diagnosing it.   It seems like anytime a woman has emotions that aren’t 100% sunshine and rainbows, she MUST be bipolar. Very reminiscent of labeling women of yore as “hysterical”.   

      This woman does not have BPD based on anything in her letter – by all accounts, she’s a normal healthy woman, exhibiting normal, healthy free will and emotions.   She clearly states in her letter that she thinks she looks “pretty fab” as a yoga instructor and thinks she looks better than her boyfriend.   She thinks her boyfriend needs to get off his high horse and deal with her body in its natural state, since she extends the same courtesy to him.   She’s not insecure, she’s not bipolar – she’s a healthy, normal woman.   Please don’t throw psychiatric conditions around.   Thank you.      

    2. 28.2
      pat

      I’m sorry, I quickly read your comment and automatically assumed you meant bipolar. (because I hear men throwing this term around all the time)   I don’t think she has borderline personality disorder either – she doesn’t demonstrate any of the symptoms.

    3. 28.3
      Josh K.

      His dominance/control issues comes from the “he likes to be ‘the man'”. Beign a man only means being a male human. He probably thinks being a man also means having the upper hand.

      “or she can end up regaling her friends with the stories of her controlling misogynistic ex while her 50 cats rub up against her furry legs”
      Indeed, being single and having cats is much better than staying with a misogynistic man, even though you believe women should think otherwise. There’s nothing wrong with a woman being single; in fact, most women will only have a better life that way.

  9. 29
    SFitz

    I don’t know how the OP doesn’t want to shave. I would be so irritated with hair on my legs, but I guess that’s just me. If you have an otherwise great guy, then get over it and shave. I think it would be the same if the OP gained a lot of weight. Despite her having said that it wouldn’t be an issue, that’s just how sexual attraction works. I think that’s a petty thing to get so upset over. It doesn’t cost enough money to really complain about either. In the famous words of Drake,(lol) the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it. This won’t be the first time you have to compromise. Pick your battles wisely. This is dumb.

    1. 29.1
      pat

      Maybe her hair is relatively thin or sparse.   Maybe she just doesn’t get why it’s that big of a deal when she’s not even that hairy to begin with.

  10. 30
    Susannah

    I don’t think this person has borderline personality disorder because she feels hurt and rejected by this mans uncaring, insensitive behaviour.   compromise can only be made to a certain point, but what compromises is he making for the sake of their relationship – it all appears to be one sided, with the expectation that it is HER role to do the changing, whilst he is free to be himself she is expected to conform to his suit his taste.
    At what point do you draw a line and say “here I am, this is me either accept me or move on because I’m not changing for you”.   This man appears to me to be quite emotionally unavailable, using stupid superficial reasons for doing a 180 degree turn on a relationship – emotionally disengaging. behaving in a hurtful, cruel manner whilst treating her in a degrading manner AND making her feel that its HER fault!
    Not accepting someone for who they are IS controlling.   It is disrespectful to them.   You either accept the whole package or move along and find someone who is a better fit.   I sincerely doubt that a 25 year old, “pretty fab”, yoga instructor would have any trouble finding a guy with a little more depth, who is willing to accept her in her entirety.   Whilst I think a 34 year old average, overweight, balding man might find it a little more difficult.

    1. 30.1
      pat

      Exactly.   I’m not really sure why Mike is trying to diagnose OP with a personality disorder, when she sounds perfectly healthy (I really hate when guys start labeling women with psych conditions when they exert a little free will – lol).   It actually takes a pretty healthy self esteem to say, “Forget your feelings or society’s expectations of me – I’m not shaving my legs for anyone!”   

      She sounds annoyed her boyfriend isn’t as accepting of her “pretty fab” body in it’s natural state, when she is accepting his.   I don’t think it’s unfair for her to feel this way.   I agree with you – she could probably do much better.   Maybe she isn’t attracted to him enough to feel compelled to shave her legs for him.   And maybe if he were more in shape (like her) or more accepting of her body, she might be more interested in maintaining his attraction to her.

    2. 30.2
      Jenn

      Yes, I don’t think that she has any personality disorders at all. She seems like a normal 25 yr old woman who is exploring life. She seems pretty typical and I am sure will continue to grow and learn along the way.

  11. 31
    Phoebe

    First world problem.

    If you shaved to attract him…shouldn’t you shave to keep him?

    Wax several times then buy epilador. Like an electric razor but tweezes hairs out. lasts longer than shaving. Costs less than laser. eventually less hair grows back.  

    Evan is right….chemistry is tricky.  

      

  12. 32
    DS

    Physical attraction can’t be forced unfortunately.   If she was sexually attracted to a pot bellied balding guy, then that is how she is wired. If now she isn’t, then she’s just evolving, and nothing wrong with that. And the same goes for him. If he can’t get an erection when gliding his hands on her hairy legs, then that is how he is wired.
      
    Maybe she should end this and find someone who is OK with her hairy legs, but there will always be something else the next guy will not be OK with. And he needs to realize the same. He may find someone with always-smooth legs but maybe she just smells of stale coffee all the time. Who knows.
      
    If they are 85% happy with each other, it would be stupid to argue over dumb crap like this. He should hit the gym and she needs to keep shaving – that is called “working” at a relationship.

  13. 33
    Jennie

    This issue is all due to societal expectations. For example, in Indonesia where I grew up, women are not expected to have hairless legs and armpits.Although the younger generation do shave, the men there won’t be grossed out if you have hairy legs or armpits. Though girls there are a lot less hairy, and some are naturally hairless.

    if the OP feels very strongly against shaving or other forms of body hair removal,   and if it is really that deep-rooted to her core values,   then just break up and find a man who is willing to accept her, body hair and all!

    1. 33.1
      oso

      @Jennie

      I think everyone is well aware that this is due to societal expectations and that different societies have different norms. You mentioned Indonesia and women not being expected to have hairless legs and arms. The only interesting thing about that is that Indonesia and the U.S. have different societal norms and that the U.S. isn’t Indonesia. Anyone who lives outside societal norms is going to get push back from society, you only get to decide your actions, you don’t get to decide whether or not people like you. Indonesia is looking for foreign professionals to come to their country and work, she could easily go their. She might like not having to shaving there, all well and good, until she’s subject to all the other societal norms in Indonesia, many of which she might not like. Societies are an amalgamation of behaviors not a singular behavior. That’s the price of participating in society. Want other people to like you? You have to do things other people like and all that want to play are subject to it.

  14. 34
    SFitz

    I don’t know how he is attacking her core values. What possible core values stem from shabing your legs? I think she’s misunderstanding him. He prefers shaved legs. I don’t think that makes him such a terrible person. I’m a woman, and I would find it weird. Though it sounds to me like the OP recognizes she’s breaking somewhat of a societal norm because she said she used to only shave 6 months out of the year when she had to. Now, it seems like she just doesn’t want to do it because she would have to swallow her pride and ‘give in’ to her boyfriend. That’s one way of looking at it-when you’re young. OR, she could just do this small favor for her boyfriend, improve her sex life and overall connection with her boyfriend. If only she knew all the OTHER things people do to improve their sex lives when they age. I think that if she genuinely feels attacked on a personal level and wants to leave him then she should. He will have no problem finding a woman that will shave her legs. (Which btw it sounds like the OP is too lazy to do-sorry) Also, look into the future when she accepts a date with someone new. He asks, what happened to your last relationship, if you don’t mind my asking?-In the stage where sexual attraction dominates; I seriously doubt a new prospect is going to be understanding of her plight.  

  15. 35
    N

    OP,

    Communicate with your man and strike a deal to make both parties feel happy and empowered. Just like what was mentioned above you shave and he lose the potbelly. Win-win situation. Goodluck! Nic~

  16. 36
    Karmic Equation

    My last two bfs manscaped. Kept their pubic areas trimmed. I liked that 🙂 Current bf is au naturel. I don’t mind it. But if he started wearing women’s underwear or makeup, I’d be history if I couldn’t talk him back to being his natural hairy self in men’s underwear.
      
    Even as a woman, when I’ve seen other women’s hairy legs and armpits, I think it just looks unkempt. Nothing is grosser than hairy legs in panty hose. I’ve seen this and the woman had a fabulous bod.
      
    I don’t blame the guy for feeling less attracted. The LW is making an issue where none existed before. I’d hazard a guess that this 34 yo guy pays for everything, which is why she doesn’t want to leave him, overweight, balding, and all.
      
    Maybe she’d understand how he feels if all of a sudden he stopped paying for the stuff that he’s been paying for, and she loses her attraction for him.
      
    I don’t mean to be cynical, but LW is picking the wrong battle to fight. Leave or shave. Why is that such a difficult decision? Don’t get it.

    1. 36.1
      butterduck

      I’ve seen hairy legs under pantihose on a fabulous bod. The catch: her boyfriend liked it like that. And she enjoyed pleasing him. It worked for them, though it would have driven me insane.

      1. 36.1.1
        Karmic Equation

        OP needs a bf like that, then 🙂
          
        I’m sure that there are plenty of guys out there that like the earthy-crunchy girl she wants to be. But those guys are usually penniless. Hence she wants her man to change than for herself to make a small sacrifice. Shaving is not a big deal. I really don’t get why she’s made it such an issue.

    2. 36.2
      Josh K.

      He is the ones who is making it such an issue, not her.

  17. 37
    Gina

    This is a hairy situation!

  18. 38
    Stacy

    Luckily, hair doesn’t grow on my legs for some reason.  So I dont have that problem naturally.

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with preferences.   I would do it for  my man if he asked and  it was otherwise a good and   healthy relationship.     In fact, let him pitch in for the laser treatments.:)

  19. 39
    Mrs Happy

    Two things struck me about this.
    1. At my 2 year old son’s playgroup the other day, I noticed more than one of the mums had quite hariy legs. We were all sitting on the floor so legs were in the line of sight. I suspect it’s simply a time to groom issue – when juggling caring for 2-3 kids under 3 or 4 years of age, most women will spend substantially less time grooming themselves. Research illustrates this (amazing what common sense things people do studies on!). Based on our conversations, their husbands are jumping at every chance for sex of any type on offer, hairy legs or no, because sexual opportunities fade quite fast after kids come along. So the practical reality of life is that a long-term partner adjusts their mindset about their partner’s grooming, at different stages of the life cycle.   Another example would be physical illness, or depression.   I have no doubt that as their children grow and the women have more minutes a day to spend on themselves, hairy legs won’t be so common. Finding a partner with the flexibility to navigate different life stages is an advantage.
    2. At 25, many women are still blindly following what society e.g. the media, inform them women should look like. The OP has begun to reject this. I suspect she’s going to end up as an older woman with particularly strong opinions on female grooming and beauty etc. In any case, now, not shaving is very psychologically important to her; it’s not a little thing, or just a few minutes, to her. Her boyfriend differs on this. Given he isn’t having sex with her because of this one issue, and the future may see her become even more strident regarding grooming, he may not be the best long term partner for her. In future she’ll probably start relationships knowing this about herself and that will automatically cull men for whom smooth legs are really important.
      
      

    1. 39.1
      Louise

      I wish there was a like button I could push right now

  20. 40
    Clare

    Personally, I think it’s all a matter of degree. We all make concessions with our grooming to be acceptable to other people and ourselves… brushing our hair and our teeth, wearing deodorant, basic grooming. It just depends where you draw the line.

    I have a busy life and sometimes I just want to sink into the bath for some R&R at the end of a long day and not have it turn into a chore of shaving my legs. But at the same time, I realise that the man I am with, like most men, prefers smooth legs. So I choose one day a week, usually a weekend day when I am not otherwise stressed, and set aside 20 minutes for this. It’s not a very big deal. Then again, he has never chastised me or refused to have sex with me because my legs have been unshaved. Quite frankly, I think the OP is asking a bit much. 6 months without shaving? Not cool. This is something that can be compromised on.  

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