Are Height Requirements Still Keeping You From Finding Love?

Are Height Requirements Still Keeping You From Finding Love?Are Height Requirements Still Keeping You From Finding Love?

In the annals of “things that definitely don’t matter when you’re 70”, nothing is more irrelevant to marital happiness than height.

Money matters. If one partner is chronically unemployed or in debt, relations can get strained.

Intelligence matters. If your partner can’t understand what you’re talking about or lacks the maturity to try, he’s a waste of time.

Weight matters. If someone is morbidly obese, he’s probably not making it to age 70.

(By the way, ladies, this does NOT mean he has to be taller, smarter or fitter than you. He just can’t be poor, stupid and fat. Got it?)

Nothing is more irrelevant to marital happiness than height.

But one thing that I’ve never really gotten – after 10 years as a dating coach – was women’s obsession with height. And it’s not a myth. It’s real. An article on Jezebel discusses a report from the Atlantic that illustrates that the average height differential between 4600 married American couples was six inches and that the wife was taller in 3.8% of couples. However, “when the author randomized the information as well to see what would come up by chance, he found something surprising: left to chance, the wives were taller in 7.8 percent of couples— twice as many as before. Meaning, people are choosing to maintain this six inches of difference by going out of their way to pair up according to this distinction.”

This is a rigid and arbitrary preference – most noteworthy, to me, in short and tall women.

With short women, EVERYBODY’s taller. So, if you’re 5’1″, what difference does it make if he’s 5’7″ or 6’1″? Yet some short women discriminate against average sized (5’7-5’11”) men.

On the other hand, with tall women, since only 15% of men are over 6 feet tall, it would stand to reason that a 5’11” woman would be well served to open up to shorter men, instead of insisting that he has to be 6’3′, because that’s how tall she is in heels. There simply aren’t enough 6’3″ men to go around, and if you restrict yourself to them, you’re killing your chances of finding love – for pretty much no reason.

It would be like a male millionaire holding out for a female millionaire who makes more than he does. Is it possible? Yes. Likely? No. Necessary? Definitely not.

The author of the Jezebel piece is 5’11” and had a very healthy and refreshing take on height:

I never felt I was making some kind of concession by dating men shorter than me — I just dated people I was attracted to. But since most men are shorter than I am, had I eliminated them on the basis of shortness, I’d have been sitting out all those dances I never actually went to. In order to find a guy six inches taller, I’d have to find a guy who was 6’5.

She ended up marrying a guy a few inches shorter than her. Good for her.

And if this bugs you and you think you should be holding out for a tall guy, that’s your business. Just keep in mind that your current height criteria cuts your potential mates drastically – and that’s before we talk about age, ethnicity, education, income, personality, religion, emotional intelligence, values, kindness, consistency, attraction to you and desire to be married. He’s gotta have all of those things, plus be in the 15% of men who are six feet tall? Good luck with that.

Please read the article here and share your thoughts below.

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  1. 1

    I totally agree! I’m 5’9″. During my last round of dating, I took Evan’s advice and set the height cutoff at 5’8″ instead of 6’0″ like I’d previously used to. It increased my dating pool dramatically, so I no longer felt like I had to go on dates with borderline douchebags just because they’re tall enough. Let me tell you, there are a lot of really amazing men on this side of six feet. I will however add that, if you say you’re looking for 5’8″, you will get responses from guys who say they’re 5’7″, and are actually 5’6″. But, as long as they’re cool with the height difference, and have good partner qualities, so what? As long as the man isn’t intimidated by my 6’2″ and 6’3″ children, I’m fine with the arrangement.

    1. 1.1

      That is true I would love to date someone 6 foot two or six foot three and I am only 5 foot seven.

  2. 2

    Great article – but I think you and the data you referenced are eliminating a very big portion of the equation – men who won’t date taller women. 
    As much as women discriminate because of height, men do the same thing, my own man (and several male friends) included.  I’ve heard many men state that a woman taller than them would be a turn off so in the instances above where the woman are only taller in a small percentage, that could be as a result of the woman’s choice, the man’s choice, or both.  
    All of that being said, I agree the height discrimination is a petty one. One I used to hold to.  At 5’4, I’m shorter than most, but preferred a guy at least 3 inches taller than I.   Had I stuck to that criteria when I met my boyfriend, I would’ve walked away from the greatest thing to happen to me.   Looking back, I’m so glad I didn’t stick to some petty criteria that could’ve cost me some of the most amazing moments of my life thus far. 

    1. 2.1

      I think most men are willing to date taller women, however, most men are intimidated to ask out a taller woman because it’s widely understood or thought that they only want a taller man.  I’m currently on a dating website and I find that the height and income criteria that almost every woman has keeps me from contacting them.   I am 51, 5’8 3/4″, retired with a guaranteed annual take home income of 73k for the rest of my life, I’m fit, have a bachelors and I’m debt free. Most are looking for somebody who is at least 5’11” and  makes at least 100k.  What I find funny is that they claim to be make only 30k-50k.  When I read criteria such as that I don’t bother reaching  out because I’m not what they’re looking for.  

    2. 2.2

      I’ve never met a guy who refused to date a girl because she was “too tall”, there are a lot of people out there so I assume there must be some who feel this way but it still sounds very sill to hear.

      1. 2.2.1
        Middle ages

        I only date women under 5’7″ tall.

        Reason, my hang up, not theirs.

        I figure there are plenty of women shorter than myself.


    3. 2.3

      I’m 5’11 and most of the men who pursue me are shorter than me.  The current guy chasing me is 5’5.   I don’t care either.  I’m color blind, height blind ect..  What matters to me 100% is personality.

      1. 2.3.1

        Exactly, Iris.  I don’t think any happily married 80 yr-old woman says, “Yeah, I’ve had a great 50 years with my husband because he’s… taller than I am.”  Focus on the important traits that actually lead to a strong long-term relationshp: kindness, good communications, respect, fine character.

    4. 2.4
      jaimi wallis

      Exactly.  Men definitely discriminate taller women and get intimidated,  but shouldn’t.

      1. 2.4.1

        I don’t know about all men, but every woman I’ve ever dated or asked out has been taller than me. But at 5’2″, most women are taller than me, so I can’t afford to rule out taller women.

        I don’t get intimidated by their height, but sometimes the way they brush me off can be pretty discouraging.

        It doesn’t matter to most of them that I’m well traveled, speak several languages, play musical instruments and have several hobbies such as archery and writing. I’m not in perfect shape, but I have lost weight and continue to improve my physical well-being. But women are generally pleasant to me and I don’t begrudge them their choices.

        I’ll just do what I’ve always done and keep trying and keep working on myself.

        1. Grenoble

          I should just add that, when I say I don’t rule out taller women, I really mean I don’t rule any of them out based on height.

          If I find a woman reasonably attractive, I will try to start a conversation. I have dated or at least flirted with women ranging from 5’0″ to 6’4″. I don’t automatically go for women closer to my own height, though I suppose I’ve probably had better luck with them.

  3. 3
    Some other guy

    @Goldie – You said you lowered your height requirement – why do you have one at all? Does it really matter?

    1. 3.1

      So you don’t have any requirements for women?

      1. 3.1.1

        I have requirements. And most women don’t meet them. The good guys who barely meet your height requirement will not even give you a chance as they are insulted and know that every taller guy will mean more to you then he. And height is so obvious that the taller guys don’t need to do anything to nudge a shorter man out of your heart. So be sure to include this requirement so men can understand what they will be subjected to.

      2. 3.1.2

        Lynn, I do. I’m 22, I won’t touch a cigarette smoker, a woman my age with a child, HOLY YUCK!!!!, or a woman who is obese.

  4. 4

    Vanessa #2
    I agree. At 5’8″, I’m on the tall side for a woman, but not exactly a giantess. Yet I’ve met men who were over 6 feet tall who thought I was too tall for them, and would actually remark on my height. And those were just the ones who commented; I’m sure there were others who felt that way, but kept it to themselves. OTOH, I’ve dated shorter men who didn’t care a bit. While someone more than a couple of inches shorter probably wouldn’t work for me (I don’t want to feel too big), I try to focus on the the type of person he is before anything else.

  5. 5

    Some other guy – what can I say, I’m only human. I’m not yet at that point where I’m okay being out with a guy 8-9 inches shorter than I am. Maybe next time. My current boyfriend is 5’10”.

  6. 6
    Karl R

    Vanessa said: (#2)
    “I think you and the data you referenced are eliminating a very big portion of the equation – men who won’t date taller women.”
    They’re irrelevant.
    Your available dating pool is made up of the men who want to date you. No matter how much you change your attitude, that number of men is fixed.
    Let’s say there are 150 single men in your extended social circle. Let’s say that 80% of them are interested in dating you (30 men). They’re interested in dating you exactly the way you are: 5’4″, your height, your weight.
    No matter how you change your attitude, the other 120 still won’t want to date you.
    But now the second part of the equation comes into play. How many of those 30 men are you interested in dating? How many do you think are too old, too young, too fat, too skinny, too short, too ugly … or whatever other criteria you choose to use.
    Depending on what criteria you choose, that group of 30 men could get whittled down to 25, 10, 5, 3, 1 or none. If you’re 5’4″ and holding out for a man who is at least 5’7″, you’ve eliminated several men out of the 30 (the exact number depends on how much your height mattered to the men). Then you start cutting out men because of age, obesity, attractiveness, employment/income, etc. …
    Height is a stupid reason to eliminate someone. It doesn’t matter how few people you’re eliminating. If I ruled out women who were taller than me, I’d be ruling out less than 1% of all women. And it would still be a stupid and self-defeating reason to eliminate women. (In comparison, you were eliminating 19% of all men, by seeking men at least 3″ taller than you.)

  7. 7

    Karl R #6 –  I understand what you’re trying to point out but was making the statement more to the point that men are cutting their dating pool just as much as women are cutting there’s by discriminating against height.  
    For example, that 30 men you mentioned may have been higher, had men within that group not discriminated against me because I was their height, too short, or too tall for them.  
    The article noted the height difference but my point was simply that it didn’t show if the height difference was a coincidence, or something consciously (or subconsciously) done by the man or woman in the pairing.  In other words, I’ve seen just as many men discriminate due to height as I’ve seen women.  Do I think it’s right, no, but it does occur.      

    1. 7.1

      80% of 150 is 120 not 30

  8. 8

    Dating taller men boils down to physical attraction. I’m 5’9″ & didn’t date shorter men or even men my own height. Men normally don’t date women that they don’t find attractive either based on height, weight, hair color, boob size, eye shape, etc, etc. Height is just one of numerous physical attributes that determine physical attraction. If you’re a tall (or short) woman & don’t want to date shorter men, don’t. Who cares if it shrinks your dating pool. The article basically says change what you’re attracted to & that isn’t realistic. I’m married to a tall, dark & handsome man. 🙂  And he’s about the shortest man I dated at 6’1″.

    1. 8.1
      Another Short Guy

      The thing is, there’s no textbox which asks you to fill up your breast size or your eye shape. Thats just insulting.
      Also, don’t compare height with weight just because they have almost the same spelling. Weight can be changed. Height can’t. If you want a guy who likes fit women, you can work out. If I want a guy who likes tall men, I can only go home and cry into my pillow.

      1. 8.1.1

        I’d give you a chance.  I don’t mind shorter men at all.

      2. 8.1.2
        short to tall

        There is a surgery that you can get to increase height. I got 2 surgeries to increase my overall height 5 inches to 6foot1. Im currently involved with a beautiful woman 5foot7 that probably would have not given me the time of day back when I was 5foot8. So do I believe height is important in finding a mate, yes, however its not the only thing. I seen short men with money get more dates then tall bums.

        1. SparklingEmerald

          How safe is this surgery ?

          I do feel for guys who are passed over because of height, but I can’t see taking surgical risks for this.  I see many short men that are paired up, so obviously finding a partner when a man is short is not impossible. (all my LTR’s have been with men in the 5’6″ to 5’7″ range, but I’m not tall and gorgeous, but about average height and more “averagely cute” rather than drop dead gorgeous)

          I, and other flat chested women have probably been passed over by men due to our cup size.  I don’t begrudge men this preference, as we are attracted to what we are attracted to, and no amount of scolding, shaming, or cajoling is going to change what anyone is attracted to.  My own mother suggested that I get breast enlargement surgery and even offered to pay for it but I refused.  Partly because I would rather a man love my surgically unaltered self, but mostly, because I avoid medical interventions whenever I can.  Surgery carries risks.  I can’t imagine the height enhancing surgery being risk-free.  I’m glad you found someone and I hope you surgery doesn’t cause any medical issues down later on.

    2. 8.2


      I’m with you on this one.  Physical attraction is not a choice based on social norms.  It’s deeply programmed into our biology.  At 5’7″ I prefer a man at least 5’10”, so when I do wear a bit of heel I am not towering over him.  A taller man makes me feel more feminine.  It is just one trait, but for me one of the only traits I consistently find matters to me.  Thanks for speaking up.  I think the author of the blog should throw out one of his attraction preferences and go on dates with women he is NOT attracted to.  Then he can convince himself with logic to override his own preferences.  Attraction is attraction.  It’s that simple.

      1. 8.2.1


        I hate to say it but you’re wrong. Physical attraction is 100% based on social constructs and not “programmed into our biology”. for instance, 500 years ago, the pinnacle of female attractiveness was fat. the fatter, the better. It denoted a wealthy and healthy upbringing.

        Across the world, especially in remote cultures, there are very specific traits which we would not even consider for attractiveness (lip plates, foot binding, excessively long hair for a man, etc).

        It seems that you, like so many of your misled brethren, have bought into the “Tall, Dark, and Handsome” Steriotype and insist that if you were to find love, it could only be with someone who is 6’0 or taller.

        Except. only 15% of us are. so when you cry yourself to sleep on a saturday night because for the upteenth time that guy who took you out turned out to be an asshole, consider this…

        Tall guys are really the only guys that girls pursue, whereas the other 85% of guys never get pursued by women. Now if 100% of guys pursue women, do you think the methods of the 15% would be different than the 85%? You would be right. the 15% don’t care about you, because they can have another 5’4″ girl chasing after them tomorrow. So hell be nice, act nice, take you nice places, and you’ll sleep with them, and then Poof! hes gone. or… he stays for a while you date, but in the end you break up because (whatever reason) but it probably had something to do with him detaching, being more aloof, and maybe even as bad as cheating. In the end, when you chase after the 15% that don’t appreciate how amazing it is to find someone to spend your life with, your setting yourself up for failure.

        SO. Maybe on your next date, give the 5’6 or 5’8″ guy a chance. I bet you anything hell be more attentive, more attracted, and more interested in actually pursuing a relationship with you.

        1. something like that

          “I hate to say it but you’re wrong. Physical attraction is 100% based on social constructs and not “programmed into our biology”

          Careful. Those are fighting words in these parts.

        2. Sarah


          Wow, you sounds really bitter and angry.  Also, you imply that every man 6′ tall is an asshole because he is pursued by all the women. I guess this means I better go tell both of my teenage sons who just rounded 6′ that they are on the brink of becoming assholes solely based on their height.  And just to throw a wrench into your personal theory that it is all social programming.  I was NOT  born and raised in this country.  How do you like them apples for your so solid theory that ZERO part of attraction is biology and it is all social programming?

          Many of my girlfriends do not care about height.  I do. And I did say taller than me.  I did not say 6′.  Per your definition I can find a few non assholes out there if I stick to the 5’10” – 5’11” LOL.   Some of my girlfriends care about income.  I don’t. I care about a man’s integrity and how he treats others including me.   Of course you sound like a real catch.  Attacking me for my personal preferences.  Perhaps that is why rather than something with your lack of height?

          I do not cry myself to sleep on Saturday nights LOL.  Or any other night for that matter.  Sure at times I am sad in life, but it isn’t because I go on bad dates or cry over being single.  My happiness does not depend on being in a relationship or out of one.  Watch out when someone’s happiness is tied to that.  You cannot go from loneliness to feeling complete just because you feel in love.  And who wants to be on the receiving end of that kind of pressure? I could of course compromise on what I find attractive, which I recognize lots of people do because they would rather be in a relationship than be alone.

          There is tons and tons of research tying attraction to subconscious preferences for both human sexes, animals, etc.  To say that 100% of our preferences is tied to media is just plain nonsense.  Please post your solid research backing up this claim as I would love to read it.  And could you also post the research that shows men 6′ and taller are all assholes please, so I can share it with my sons?  Thanks.

          And I am currently in a very happy relationship with a man who is TALLER than me.  He read your post and said, “Wow there’s an angry dude.”  Then he chuckled and said, “Thank god I am only 5’11”.  I missed asshole by an inch!.”

  9. 9

    Good article. Im at least 6 foot when Im out in heels so Im visibly aware of the smaller pool of tall men.!! Im always astounded when short women say they won’t date anyone under 6 foot but I think tall men are afforded an unconscious elevation of status , just for being tall.
    I did have a lover who was 5 foot 6″ but he was an extremely confident guy who insisted I wear sexy high heels. You should have seen us dancing with his head at my chest and all the attention we would get LOL  
    Think this is a great point Evan so I lowered my height range today.

  10. 10

    @ cat #8: “Who cares if it shrinks your dating pool. The article basically says change what you’re attracted to & that isn’t realistic.”
    It doesn’t just shrink your dating pool. It rules out a large number of quality men, that you would’ve enjoyed dating if you knew they existed. But you won’t, because they failed to meet the height requirement. This is the one downside of online dating. We’ve all met guys in real life who have so much personality and charisma, we don’t even notice how tall they are. They could be an inch or two shorter and we’d go out with them anyway, without paying attention to their height. Online though, we’ll never even get to meet them, because they won’t get through our filter. From where I stand, it looks like we’re the ones that are missing out.
    I was married to a 6″ man, look where it got me 🙂

    1. 10.1

      His being tall is not the reason your relashionship ended. Relationships end with short and average height (5’10) men too.

    2. 10.2

      maybe you need closer to 10″ to be satisfied completely.

  11. 11

    Vanessa, you’re still kind of missing the point.  Evan is here not to point out the ways men can change their dating perspectives to find love–he’s here to point out how women can change their dating perspectives to find love.

    1. 11.1

      The same could be said for men. If men could change their perspective on what they find most attractive, and give a chance to other women, then men could also find love more easily.

      It is not a fair point just to ask one gender to lower their requirements. I don’t see any articles about asking men to lower theirs.   

      1. 11.1.1

        The difference is, men have preferences, women have requirements. I would never insist that a women be 3″ or more shorter than me even if I were 6’4″, because it’s lunacy and cruel (I’m actually 5’10). I might *prefer* that to be true… but requirements aren’t something most men get to even consider.

        Women essentially monopolize sexual selection. They can go out at any time and find someone interested in them, if they’re so much as average. For men this isn’t really true – women consistently go for the top 20% of men and largely ignore the rest (and of this 20%, height is a big factor). So there’s this huge differential between men and women’s expectations. The short of it is that women are spoilt for choice and, just spoilt in general.

        1. Carl

          So true.

      2. 11.1.2


        There have been plenty of exchanges here, where that’s been suggested to men. In fact, I’ve seen references to several studies which suggest that men (as a group) are actually more willing to compromise on attraction preferences than women (as a group) are. Most of us, at least those who are not in the top 10% looks-wise, find we have to; if the only women we reached out to were 9s and 10s, we’d never get a date. Of course, that compromise isn’t unlimited; we do have a bottom threshold, below which all the personality in the world is not going to attract us. That threshold is lower than you might think for many of us, but of course, that’s not going to help the woman who’s far below average in appearance.

  12. 12

    Height isn’t a huge issue for me, but one thing that irritates me is men who don’t work out regularly. If I’m thin and work out five times a week, why do I have to settle for a flabby guy or a guy with no muscles? It’s not an instant disqualifier, but I’m aware of it. And even writing this makes me sound superficial, but I just want someone of roughly equal attractiveness and when girls say things like that they get slammed. 

    1. 12.1

      It is only fair to want a partner who stays in shape if you are in shape. That is what you deserve. I don’t see many men going around dating women in much worse shape than themselves.    

      1. 12.1.1

        You’re correct Lynn, you don’t see a lot of men dating women in much worse shape than them.  However you do see a LOT of men MARRIED to women in much worse shape than them. 

        1. Evelyn

          I see a lot more women married to men in worse shape than them, rather than the other way around.

    2. 12.2


      You shouldn’t get slammed for saying that; it’s an attraction preference, and moreover, it’s one most people can meet, provided they do the necessary work. Of course, that point of view is not particularly popular among the overweight crowd, male or female. On this blog, a fit guy gets slammed for not wanting to date obese women; not just slightly overweight, mind you; obese, as in 40 or more pounds overweight. I’ve been slammed for that, as well as for my “intolerance” of women who deliberately lie about their obesity online. I’ve concluded that “shallow” is simply a word some people use as a weapon against anyone who dares not be attracted to someone like them.

      1. 12.2.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        “Shallow” is simply a word some people use as a weapon against anyone who dares not be attracted to someone like them.”

        That’s a really good line.

      2. 12.2.2
        Protest too much

        For the last time….

        No one cares that you don’t want to date overweight women. OK?

        It does make you look like a jerk that you feel the need to constantly talk trash about them (just don’t date them and keep it moving, ya know?). But still, it’s your life.

        Let it go Buck. Stop playing the martyr.

        1. Protest too much

          I should have wrote that no one is upset that you don’t want to date overweight women.

    3. 12.3
      Ricky Ricardo

      I am second that emotion. As a handsome, physically attractive man, I don’t want big and beautiful girls. I feel I deserve my equal or better in all aspects of the word. I don’t think we should compromise on the things that matter most to us. It is never wise to force attraction.

  13. 13

    @ Goldie – it doesn’t really apply to me now since I’m married. But I was just stating that I did have a height requirement & I did find love.

  14. 14

    I totally agree with this article.  Some added height is nice, but it won’t attract me to a guy.  The average male is 5’10”!! Why would I ask for someone over 6 feet tall?
    I’m 5’6″, and I’ve dated guys from 5’2″ to 6’6″.  I will admit that I would like a guy to be at least my height or around it, but I won’t shut out a guy if he doesn’t qualify for my height standards.  Height has nothing to do with personality, which is far more important to me.
    That being said, my boyfriend is 6 feet tall, but it honestly had very little to do with my attraction to him.  He’s just an awesome person who happens to be tall.  I’d feel the same about him if he were 5’4″.  It really is inconsequential in the great scheme of things.

  15. 15

    When I see couples where the man is shorter, woman taller, I think it shows confidence on the part of both people, they just don’t care about conformity. There is something very sexy about that. I am 5ft 6in, and have dated men who are 5ft 5in, all the way to about 6ft 3 in. Taller isn’t necessarily better, sometimes I feel slightly intimidated if a guy is too tall, like he’s looking down on the top of my head…not a good feeling.  At the same time, no woman wants to be in bed with a guy who makes her feel like the incredible hulk. 5ft 5in or so is almost too short for me, though I’m fine with a guy who’s 5ft 8 or 9 in. There are plenty of women who are tiny, 5ft tall or shorter. A guy who is 5ft 5in is almost 6 inches taller than those women, so have at it I say!
    There is a strong psychological element to this that the article doesn’t address: many women feel safer with a guy who is at least a little taller (2-3in) than them. I don’t think this is cultural, but more biological, evolutionary.

    1. 15.1

      Thank you for finally saying it when no one else would. It’s biological evolution, but I also believe it satisfies a woman’s subconscious desire for social upward mobility (for her and her offspring), and is fueled by our societal concept of height being directly proportional to success/admiration.

      1. 15.1.1

        This is only partially true.  There is an innate component, but without going into a 10-page diatribe, I’ll just say that you’d be foolish to discount societal engineering.

        -Shorter men are paid less.

        -Shorter men are openly ridiculed in all forms of media.

        -Shorter men have lower self-esteem and tend to do poorer in school, due to bullying.

        Now, if you don’t think all of that doesn’t magnify the height prejudice of women in the dating world.. I don’t know what to say.

        I’ve made an analogy many times before, and I think it still holds merit: Dating for short men in this age, is as tough as interracial dating for black men back in the 50s.

        1. Buck

          I agree with this comment 100%, I have by all traditional standards a very attractive symmetrical masculine male face, I lift weights and work out 4 times a week and still have the same waist size as I did in high school (I’m 34 year old now) but have added 30 pounds of muscle to my frame, I am a physician in a very coveted specialty, I am an accomplished guitarist and singer, I come from a great stable family and have a great relationship with my parents, and I am not introverted at all and been in elected to leadership positions in male groups my whole life..but I wear a scarlet letter..I am 5″6.

          In the online world even if I list all of these qualities I am still invisible to most women.  In the real world I approach girls to talk to them and many seem downright hostile with an attitude like “who is the creepy short guy, who does he think he is trying to talk to me” so I don’t even get a chance to show off my great qualities.  Even when I go out with very short girls I still get the sense they feel like they are settling.

          Its a cruel world for the short man in this day and age. I come from a long line of short men and they had success finding mates for generations upon generations..what I tend to see now is young girls chasing after and having sex with the select 18% of guys 6″ or taller in there prime fertile years and then expecting average height to below average height guys to be there to provide for them once they hit 30+ all the while still pinning for this “tall, dark, and handsome” its a sad world view, but from observations and personal experience in todays warped society it is not far off base.

  16. 16

    Joe #11 – Again I understand that and agree with Evan that the idea of dating someone by height is ludicrous.  My point was more in addressing where Evan stated, ‘But one thing that I’ve never really gotten – after 10 years as a dating coach – was women’s obsession with height.’  I was making a point of noting that although women may be ‘obsessed’ with height, men are just as likely to be obsessed by the height factor.  

    1. 16.1

      Men are not at all as obsessed about height as women are.  There are plenty of guys who would love to date a taller woman–or a short woman–or just any woman.  Guys are far more likely to be concerned about weight.

      1. 16.1.1

        Men are not as obsessed about height because it is easy for them to find women shorter than them. A lot, although not necessarily all, of men want to feel taller and stronger than their girlfriends. 

        However, a lot of men are very much obsessed about women’s weights. My friend was dumped by her bf after she gained weight. There are so many forums and blogs about bashing overweight women, it’s sad and ridiculous.      

        1. Vbar

          yes but you cannot do anything to change your height but you can change your weight.

        2. bruno

          Please don’t compare a healthy fit man’s desire for a fit woman, with a tall women’s desire for a taller guy. Fitness is either a choice or a health concern; whereas height is neither a choice nor health related. But you can seek and settle for whatever you want. We all make choices and take our chances with relationships. You are free to measure a man in anyway you desire. Life is a pursuit. 

        3. Kevin

          Being a short guy (5’5″-5’6″), it’s not always easy to find a woman who’s shorter AND willing to date me. Most short guys I know don’t have a lot of dating options and so we really don’t care about height. Some might prefer to date a shorter female but most won’t have such strict height requirements. Personally I prefer tall women , but I’d never turn down a short one.

          Weight is a totally different topic. I stay in shape and prefer the same in a partner.

  17. 17

    @ Cat #13 – congratulations on your marriage. But I’m confused, why do you advise other people, who didn’t yet find love, not to give up on their height requirements, yet you do not give them any logical reasons why they shouldn’t? “I am married to a tall guy” is not a logical reason. What good it is to them that you are married to an awesome tall guy? it’s not like they can have him.

  18. 18

    @Goldie#17…I’m saying you don’t have to lower your standards or try to change what you are naturally attracted to. If you’re a woman who is attracted to shorter men that’s great, if you’re a woman who is not attracted to shorter men, that’s great too. Don’t be ashamed of what you’re naturally attracted to. In the long run, if you’re trying to force yourself to be physically attracted to something you’re not naturally inclined to just because there is “more out there”, I think it may cause problems down the line in the relationship.

    1. 18.1

      It’s a numbers thing.  Saying you’re not attracted to overweight men is one thing–you can probably find an in-shape/not-so-overweight guy plus one woman’s “overweight” is another woman’s “average” or teddy bear–it’s subjective.  Also, a man can lose weight.  On the other hand, setting a hard limit like 6 feet automatically eliminates the majority of men from your dating pool, period.  No 5’11” man is going to gain that last “crucial” inch–it’s not subjective.  Some women can afford to be picky and some can not. 

    2. 18.2

      I am an exceptionally fit 5 ft 8 in male. I do not date overweight women. So that leaves 25% of the female population. If most don’t want a rich fit handsome well educated professional man, then I have no problem getting many other young attractive ladies. I also take women away from tall blue collar guys. Ladies want fit guys with a full head of hair and  class. Tall guys provide the height requirement, but most fall short  compared to my inventory of offerings. Too many women try to shoehorn 6 ft 2 in catches into their remaining checklist items, but find out that they really did settle based on height and forsaken most of their “real” requirements. Then he dumps her with kids for another blind height worshiper.

      1. 18.2.1

        You forgot to mention how modest your are!!….

      2. 18.2.2

        I like fit bald guys. Baldness indicates higher testosterone. And I think muscles with a shaved or bald head is very sexy. But every woman has her own taste. I do like fit men as I am thin and fit.

        1. Tom10

          “I am 6’1 fit and I went through hell to maintain my fabio like mane , the biggest fear of mine was being bold”
          Nothing wrong with being “bold” George – in fact women like a bit of bold, if it’s in a cheeky way 😉
          “I always distrust and look down upon bald men, and I always sense their envy upon seeing my shoulder length mane. We men hate each other and always try to one up
          This is such a bizarre statement.
          I don’t hate other men; why would I? What have they done to me? Comparing yourself to other men is a classic sign of insecurity, which is more unattractive than being bald.
          I worked for years beside a male model, who was also kind and easy-going. Women loved him, in fact everyone did. However, by being secure in my own attributes I never felt any animosity to him. And to this day we’re still buddies.
          Don’t distrust and look down on others, George. Just be confident in yourself. It’s so much more attractive than a “fabio like mane.”

    3. 18.3

      Your “standards”?

      A standard is like not wanting a liar, or cheater.

      Even though I prefer a fit woman, I would not say my weight preferences are a “standard”.  That is really snobby.


  19. 19
    Jackie Holness

    Height shouldn’t be too critical of an issue in finding love, but so glad my fiance’ is over 6 feet tall…LOL….

  20. 20

    I am a six feet tall woman. It would be nice to date men who are taller but it’s not realistic. The vast majority of men I have dated have been shorter than me. The shortest was 5’2″. Despite the fact that I am very open to dating shorter men, I have found that men, no matter what their height, are not nearly as open to dating very tall women. I’ve had quite a few men insist that I only wear flat shoes so that I don’t appear so much taller. I’ve never asked a guy to wear lifts nor has even it crossed my mind.

    I would venture to guess that the discrimination I face in online dating based on my height is probably equal to or greater than that faced by very short men. I have found that listing my height in my profile as 5’11” instead of 6’0″ has resulted in more men contacting me or responding to me online but not significantly more. Once I changed my height to 5’7″ for a week just to see what would happen. I had probably 100x the number of men view my profile and recieved 20x the number of messages than I did when my height was listed at 6’0″. To put this in perspective, when my true height was listed I was only getting 1 or 2 messages per week. Then I removed the fact that I am a vegetarian and a lawyer from my profile. It made no difference in the number of profile views or messages I recieved regardless of whether my height was listed at 6’0″ or 5’7″. So I know that of those three things (vegetarian, 6’0 and lawyer), it’s my height that makes the difference in whether men online are interested in me.

    While tall men may be both in high demand and short supply, only 0.7% of women are 5’10” or taller so it’s not like men feel they are missing out by excluding such a small percentage of women. I find it interesting that I get approached by men much more frequently in real life than ever contact me online. At this point, I have kind of given up on online dating as a way to meet anyone due to the lack of interest men online have in me.

    1. 20.1

      I LOVE tall women!  If I had a 6 foot girlfriend I’d want her to wear her 5 inch heels.  I love it!

    2. 20.2

      Create a male profile and list your height at 5’2″. Then sit back and watch as you get 1 message every 2-3 years.

  21. 21

    It’s a great idea in principle – broaden your search criteria & there will be many more candidates that meet your criteria & are potential partners.
    But just because you decide, as a tall woman (which I am at 6ft barefoot) that you are now open to dating shorter guys, doesn’t mean that there are suddenly going to be a slew of shorter guys that want to date you.
    In my personal experience, the majority of men do not find women that are physically bigger than them (height-wise or width-wise) attractive. Some of it’s due to millions of years of biological wiring, and some of it’s due to centuries of societal attitudes and practices (that were partly driven by the same biological wiring), and then there’s just individual personal preferences that are not logically explainable (e.g. some guys love brunettes, others prefer blondes – there’s no reason for their preferences – it just “is what it is”).
    So in some ways. “going shorter” when you are a significantly tall woman may just result in even more rejection. Which kinda defeats the object of the exercise.
    But on the other hand, holding out for the perfect 6’3″ tall guy would make it exponentially more difficult to find a mutual match.
    I have always set my desired height range to 5’10” and up when it comes to online dating, because that’s a total of twice the potential partner population than the number of men that are over 6′ tall.
    Assuming that not too many of the bunch are lying about their height (ha, ha, ha!).
    I don’t “go shorter” than 5’10” online any more for much the same reason as I mentioned above – plus many more men exaggerate their height if they are below average height (which is 5’9″ for men in the US).
    In my experience anyway – “going significantly shorter” was in the end counter-productive. I just ended up on more dates where I got the “gee you’re so tall” comment (& it wasn’t a “oh goodie, I’m loving that you’re tall” complimentary type of comment).
    [Note: My profile contains my real height – I guess these fella’s didn’t read too closely… yet another cliche].
    I’ve heard of some tall women that actually post their height online as been an inch or two taller than it really is, so that they – in theory – are less likely to run into the above situation. But I’ve never tried it myself. Seems like too much of trying to “game the system” which is already full of people fudging their age/height/marital status in order to get ahead.

  22. 22

    I think it’s about finding a medium.. I toned down my preference for taller men awhile ago. In my early college years he HAD to be at least 6′, lol, then I found myself attracted to men  the same height as me and realized it was one of those criteria that wasn’t as important as I thought.   I would ideally like him to be 6’2″ but it’s hasn’t been mandatory for years. Funny thing is once I let go of making it “must be at least 6′” mainly 6′ or so men started to show up. And I’m still not particularly attracted to shorter men, like 5’5″. (I’m 5’7″) For me I don’t see it as a hindrance in my current  decision in not dating shorter than me, since all  the men who approach me are either slightly taller or much taller.

  23. 23
    Karmic Equation

    I’m just shy of 5′ and only TWO guys 5’9″ or less have ever asked me out on a date (one was was about 5’5″, the other 5’9″). My ex hubby and ex-LTR of 6 yrs were 5’10” — my other bfs have been over 6′ tall. And currently most of the men I’m attracting are around 6′.

    I get what Vanessa’s saying. If “short” guys don’t ask me out, I can’t date them, can I? And practically ALL shorter-than-average guys ARE taller than me!

    Since I don’t believe in making the first move, that means I’m dating 5’10” + guys because THEY are seeking ME out, not the other way around.

    I believe Vanessa’s saying that MEN’s preferences contribute to the statistics as much as women’s do. Maybe even more so, as I’m pretty sure that MOST women on this site AREN’T making the first move.

    1. 23.1

      It’s a scientific fact that more than 70% of human communication is non-verbal.

      This is larger than a “perhaps”: consider you are projecting and overtly disinviting presence to all men shorter than 5’10”. It is likely that shorter men aren’t approaching you because you are making it more than clear it would be a waste of time – possibly even an invitation for you to insult them – should they do so.

  24. 24

    Cat #18, this is exactly the point I am trying to make — yes, we need to have our standards and not compromise on what we want in a partner, otherwise the relationship will not work. But compared to other things that are critical in a partner, including physical attraction, height is not that strict of a standard. Worse, it is an artificial standard. On paper we have no problem saying that we only want 6’0″ and won’t ever settle for 5’11”, yet in real life we won’t be able to even tell the difference between the two. Worse yet, it is an artificial standard that distracts us from things that we are really attracted to. One thing I found with strict, external guidelines like that is that they create a blind spot. They make you overlook things you should not be overlooking. If a woman only wants a guy 6′ tall or higher, and only finds three of them available that are also interested in her, she’ll be tempted to ignore those three guys’ negative traits, because these tall men are so rare and were so hard for her to find. Now this is what will cause her problems down the line in the relationship. Don’t know how long you’ve been married, but from my experience, after you’ve been with the man for over 20 years, his height is the least of your concerns. Other things become more important and they are the things that will make or break a marriage or relationship. When we severely limit our pool based on something like height, this makes us ignore those other things. This is all I am saying.

  25. 25

    Aren’t we ignoring a real factor here – the psychological impact that being short and having a small stature while growing up has on a man?  It’s common enough that it has a name – a Napoleon Complex. I have had male friends and acquaintances who have been under 5’8″, and I’ve found that these men can be defensive and feel like they have something to prove, and might be excessively into lifting weights or into their looks.
    While they might be great guys on the inside, if he feels like he has to compensate for something, that is a turn off (as it would be for anyone, male or female, that doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin).
    I’m 5’4″, I’ve dated men ranging from 5’6″ to 6’7″. The last time I did online dating, I didn’t restrict my matches on height since I figured it would increase my odds. I do have to admit, my boyfriend is 6′, and his height/build is part of what makes him attractive, but even if he was my height, I’d still be attracted to him!

    1. 25.1

      @Lauren — I’m 5’7″ and can tell that I most definitely do not have a ‘Napoleon Complex’.  I’m not defensive about my height and I don’t really care if a woman is not attracted to me because of it.  I’m very active, fit and successful in my career.  I have plenty to offer for any woman.  If a woman is not attracted to me because of my height that’s their problem, not mine.  Next!

      1. 25.1.1

        Yeah that comment didnt sound defensive at all.

    2. 25.2

      So you bash a man for working out and think he should accept an otherwise normal physic? Every man needs a goal. What personal goals do you have that require sacrifice and effort? If he likes to workout don’t put that positive goal into the same psychological excuse factory that women produce overweight lifestyles they guard so ardently. 

    3. 25.3

      And welcome to a cornerstone of heightism, folks, as demonstrated by Lauren.

      So wait Lauren, you acknowledge that some short men are negatively affected by bullying and other forms of social marginalization, and then chastise those men for reacting like normal human beings (i.e. becoming depressed, reactive, having low self-esteem etc)?  Wow.  Then again, how in the hell do you know that a given short guy is “angry at being short”? And if your male acquaintances were 6’+, I doubt you would make ANY association between a physical feature, and their negative personalities.

      But of course, since tall assholes don’t exist.. oh WAIT, they DO, and do so in droves.  Must be because they are tall  /sarcasm

      You use the completely illogical and denigrating “Napoleon Complex” to back your claim.  What do you call tall assholes with the same negative traits?  Do they have “Goliath Complex”?  Why is it only short men seem to have this extra stigma attached for (essentially) reacting like beings with emotion?

      Try this: Next time a black person behaves in an aggressive or uncivil manner, kindly go up to him/her and tell said person that he/she has n—– complex.

      OHHH WAIT.. that would be terribly offensive, due to you stereotyping another individual, based on what should be a neutral trait.

    4. 25.4

      You have to admire the level of cognitive dissonance here in the comments – all from women claiming “height really doesn’t matter”, immediately (and invariably) followed by, “although my boyfriend IS 6’0 or taller…”

  26. 26

    This is something I’ve discussed with my live-in boyfriend. Early on, he asked me if I would have dated him if he were exactly the same, except 5’8″ or 5’10” (I’m just over 5’8″ and he’s 6’2″). My response surprised me: “I would have, except I never would have found you.” I can honestly say I would be very happy to be with a 5’10” version of him (who really cares; we’re compatible), BUT I realized that we literally wouldn’t have met if he were that height because it was the most constant criteria I used in running searches online (OKCupid) and that’s how I first contacted him. He wasn’t in my matches until I searched, either. It’s hard to knock a system that worked extremely well for me (I was online dating less than a week, because I met him, and we’re coming up on 2 years of bliss), and at a certain point you have to use some criteria to narrow down the masses online, but I now recognize that that particular criteria could have really screwed me out of the best thing I’ve ever found. 

    1. 26.1

      So what was your criteria?

    2. 26.2

      I am one of those 5 foot nothing women that loves tall men, and I mean over 6’3. I am 25, fairly attractive and in good shape. I have other requirements too like minimum age of 35 and must love fishing/outdoors. I have to say I didnt find it difficult to find men that met these criteria. Im with the love of my life, he treats me so well and he is 6’5 with an amazing fit body. My ex was 6’7 and also very attractive. There were other suitors in the 6’2-6’9 range but they just werent the “one”. I cant help what Im attracted too, it doesnt make me a horrible person to say I love tall men.

      1. 26.2.1

        Kylie -Brad Pitt is 5’11. I guess BRAD PITT would not live up to your standards. Nor would young versions of Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Warren Beatty or Marlon Brando! Do you see how ridiculous that sounds to a reasonable person? Your “other suitors” who met your “requirements” didn’t work out, did they? I guess your “requirements” weren’t all that on-the-money in those cases. And your 6″7 “ex” who was so “very attractive” – where’s he now?  Oh, but the current guy is “the love of your life” – suuure he is.

        If a  guy 5’8-5’10 that can really handle himself beats the hell out your tall boyfriend in front of you (and trust me, there are LOTS of them out there who CAN),  you’ll have a whole new perspective on your height “requirements”.

        Height might fool a superficial woman, but I guarantee your tall boyfriend dreads getting his ass kicked by a regular-sized guy. So, what he’ll do is pretend to be the strong, silent type – the silent part simply being a ruse to cover-up his fear to a woman when he’s around a normal height guy that his instincts know he can’t mess with. Other times he may be a big mouth, I don’t know. I don’t know this particular individual, but a lot of tall guys are just that – big mouths who can’t back it up when their bluff gets called.

        Mike Tyson is 5’11. Maybe your current boyfriend  is more of a man than a young Mike Tyson- yeah, right. Do you see how ludicrous your so-called “requirements” are?

        You’re 25. Most people at 25 still have a hell of a lot to learn. The vast majority of men have only one “requirement” for relationships that don’t last (like all your others didn’t). I think we all know what that is. And no, your “requirements” don’t make you a horrible person. The ridiculous height “requirement” just makes you somebody that most REASONABLE people would, in my opinion, find very fake, phony, shallow and superficial.

        By the way, 6″5 and above is WAY outside the NORMAL curve. Its a borderline circus freak, especially when its matched with a “five foot nothing” female. Other folks, in my opinion, look at that and think the height difference is ludicrous. They just won’t say that to your face.

        Sorry BRAD PITT – but you just don’t meet Kylie’s “requirements”.


  27. 27

    @Goldie 24 – I agree, it’s not that “strict” of a standard, but it is what it is. I guess there are women that can/do compromise it & there are those that don’t. I was the latter & it all worked out.

  28. 28

    I like tall men. I am just not attracted to men who are shorter than me. Never have been, never will. Im 5’8 and my boyfriend is 6 ft.

  29. 29

    Height is to men what weight is to women.  Except with overweight women are perceived as lazy and stupid.  Because my weight makes me unattractive no one would guess I work two jobs and have an MPA.  I’m not mad about it, it is what it is.  I have not been successful at weight loss so I will just accept that I am undatable.  The pressure is off 😀

    1. 29.1

      You couldn’t be more wrong. There is no way for a man to get any taller. And being short is not a reflection of poor diet, poor exercise or a reflection of potential psychological issues.

      1. 29.1.1

        bruno if you’re so angry about women rejecting you for being short and being “shallow” you could try to be a little less judgemental of overweight women. don’t throw stones.

        I don’t think your problem is your height.

        1. Scooter

          Amy, you must be joking. He just made a statement that is valid, without casting any stones.

          1) Being short in itself is not a prognosticator of health any more than is being Asian, African, or having large breasts.

          2) Where has Bruno mentioned being rejected due to height?  And if he did, do you doubt him?  Are you seriously going to say, contrary to the mountain of overwhelming evidence, that he would be wrong?

          Your final line is, “I don’t think your problem is your height”.. umm.. you don’t know that.

    2. 29.2

      Good for you!  And sorry for the derogatory comment made by Bruno below implying that not being physically perfect (other than height, which we have not control over) must mean we all have poor diet and psychological problems.


  30. 30

    I agree with Robyn 21. As I mentioned ealier, I am 6″0″ and, while the majority of men I have dated have been shorter than me, only a couple have been under 5’10”. I would guess that this is because men don’t want to date women who are much more than a couple inches taller.  I don’t list a height preference on my profile. Nevertheless, most of the men (at least 90%) who contact me online are not under 5’10.” So while I am open to dating any height, men of average height or less don’t seem too interested in dating me.

    1. 30.1

      This is a rare situation as a very minute percentage of women are 6 ft tall.

    2. 30.2

      I think there are many men who would date a 6′ woman. However, many short men (let’s say under 5’9″) know the vast majority of women prefer tall guys and will just assume you will want the same and only be looking for a guy who’s 6’+. Try approaching more guys. You only live once. 🙂

    3. 30.3

      I agree with Kevin. If the man thinks his success rate is low with a tall (or taller) woman, he would just put his efforts on someone else. And every guy probably knows his success rate in online dating is even worst. I am guilty of this myself, where I have found some women attractive but the moment I saw her height I think I am just wasting my time. I don’t even bother looking if she put a height preference. 

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