Women Are Racist

No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.

African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.

I’m not going to hypothesize why – after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientist – but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.

White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.

With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.

Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?

Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.

Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:

Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).

Click here to read the whole article:

Update:

But wait, there’s some “good news” from those same researchers.

A few days later, after looking at 300 reader comments, researchers sent some surprising news back.

Daters who discriminate by race… also temper these biases once they get to know one another.

“The researchers realize that their results can be depressing, but they also agree with the many readers who caution against reading too much into the preferences of online daters and speed daters. Yes, these daters clearly discriminate by race and height and looks and other superficial qualities, but they also temper these biases once they get to know one another.”

People who are terribly picky in choosing partners online will relax their standards if they spend just three or four minutes talking to someone at a speed dating session.

Click here to read the whole article.

What’s your view? To quote one researcher, Paul W. Eastwick, “do those stated ‘turn-offs’ come back to haunt you later in the relationship, or are they permanently forgotten?”

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Carrie Freeman

    Inter-racial dating is the majority of what I have done since I began dating! I married a black man, who I am now (17 years later) divorcing, but the point is that I think the world is FULL of potential, why limit yourself?

    1. 1.1
      Ian

      Mudsharks are the lowest of the low.

      1. 1.1.1
        Michael Ejercito

        What is a mud shark? 

      2. 1.1.2
        D

        That’s a seriously hurtful comment. Consider another human beings feelings. People like you have no grace about themselves. I’m guessing white is the closest mankind can get based on your logic. Mudshark is a derogative term for blacks

        1. Mitch

          I agree with you that it is crude and insensitive, but it is not aimed at blacks, but at white girls who exclusively date blacks.

    2. 1.2
      EO

      The point is women do. Asian men get eliminated from selection all the time as pointed out, more so than Black or Hispanic men. Maybe they should incorporate affirmative action for dating!

      1. 1.2.1
        Stacy

        LOL O-k.. Asian men aren’t as agressive in perusing women. Thats why they fall in last most of the time. Not to mention most asain men I’ve spoken to compare white women to asain women. And when they do that they usually put the white woman in a negative light and that makes us feel like dirt. I don’t know if they do the same with other ethnicities, but that’s been my experience. 

  2. 2
    Cam

    The pool of people they conducted the speed dating experiment on was hardly representative. As for men being open to dating all races, I would like to laugh long and hard about that one. I’ve given up on online dating because I was tired of seeing White/Asian, White/Hispanic or everything but Black in men’s racial preferences.

    I did meet a White guy at a speed dating event who told me (after a couple dates) that I was the first Black person he ever dated and said he’d now be more open to dating Black women before breaking up with me (his militant sleep schedule and gardening obsession would have proved a strain had it gone on much longer). I doubt if every woman has the burden of being an ambassador for her race while dating, I’m at least glad I was a good one :)

  3. 3
    m

    A lot of Black women aren’t racist, and would welcome attention from men of other races (not just White men).

    However, White men who don’t have the courage to take the “social risk” of dating a Black woman are bad relationship candidates for Black women who welcome the attention of all kinds of men.

  4. 4
    TheObserver

    Asian women are the RACIST females on the planet.
    They allow themselves to be white washed and to hate their own race. Some only date only white males, even after repeated physical and emotional abuses.
    Obviously you are rataing these women from the view point of a white male.
    As for Asian males, what choice do they have, the white media has castrated them.
    White media does its best to hype up the white male image and to discourage females from dating any other race of males.

    1. 4.1
      Kimmie

      I don’t think  this could be more true. The sad thing is that the stereotype for White men are all positive! For every other group of men it’s negative. White men are supportive, successful, and good classy role-models. Asian men are supposedly not masculine, intelligent, but not assertive and have small c*cks! Black men are in jail, secretly gay, and abusive men that don’t believe in marriage or commitment.  Hispanic men are supposedly not educated, want to have large families that they can’t support and are in the role of service man instead of “the man”. Middle Eastern men are supposedly aggressive women haters. At the end of the day the media has poisoned women into thinking the only suitable partners are White, which couldn’t be more false. Any man that gets to know you can appreciate you… race is unimportant.

      1. 4.1.1
        RustyLH

        I agree that race is unimportant, however, culture is.  If you find a man of Middle Eastern descent that totally rejects the culture of Sharia Law, then or the traditional values found in most Middle Eastern nations, then you are safe.  However, if they buy into that stuff, you will find yourself in a nightmare situation.
         
        As for black men.  I know men very good black men.  However, when I was in the Navy, I had my eyes opened.  We went to Australia.  Perth, and then Sydney.  After pulling into Perth, where the black guys found the most success, all the way until we pulled back into San Diego, all I heard from black guys was stories about the girls they hooked up with.  I actually had to yell at one guy who, no kidding, stopped and distracted one of the young black guys working for me, telling the same story for the 5th time in 2 months.  He had the most befuddled look on his face when I told him, “Do you realize that you have told him that same exact story 5 times, right here in this very spot, over the last 2 months?”  I had to ask the guy who worked for me what the story was with this, because that guy was not unique.  Every black guy except one I knew who was married to a very pretty Filipino woman, all constantly bragged about the women they slept with, many making up stories…one I caught red handed doing so.  Now to counter that, I did know of some white guys hooking up, and yet not one of them felt the need to regale me with stories about women they slept with.  So I asked him what the story was.  He said that it went back to the days of slavery when the only thing black men owned was their sexual prowess.  OK, that was 140 years ago.
         
        The point is that not all stereotypes are false.  Some do actually represent a good size percentage of that group, which is how the stereotype comes to be.  But of course, most stereotypes do not represent all in that group.  Do a lot of the redneck stereotypes actually truthfully represent many white people?  Sure.  Do they represent all white people?  No.  Such is the case with most stereotypes.  They usually represent at a minimum, a very visible minority, or even a majority, but they almost never represent all people in that group.

        1. Whatever

          It’s no surprise reading such a funny comment written by a typical “White” North American. Why the hell do you “White people” link Middle-Easterners to certain racist stereotypes such as being Muslim by default? Islam isn’t the only religion in the Middle East. Most of Muslims in the Middle East are not practicing ones, just nominal Muslims. There are tons of religions in the Middle East and Islam is only one of MANY. I, for example, am a Middle Eastern that’s NOT Muslim, nor do I have any Islamic roots. You people should take these racial stereotypes out of your heads. We are SICK of you.

        2. Kenji

          Stereotypes are hardly true. The only difference between each race is their hair/eye/skin color not to mention that we are pretty much mixed today.

    2. 4.2
      o

      Not true. 
      Read the following.
       blogs.independent.co.uk

      And that nothing;you should watch the documentaries filmed there.  
      Would you want to try something new? 

    3. 4.3
      you dumbass

      that’s called self hatred! since asian women and men are the same race. you can’t be racist against your own race. bed winch is another term. sellout, coon, etc…

  5. 5
    singleinnewyorkcity

    i would have to agree with the observer. i have many asian women friends that date only white men specifically for the reasons stated above.

  6. 6
    yuki chin

    Saying “I know people from group x who demonstrate this tendency and therefore am qualified to make a stupid generalization about all of group x” is the perfect way to stick your foot in it.

    I am an Asian female who dates males of all ethnicities. My sister & I, my Asian girlfriends and – hell, even my non-Asian girlfriends – will date any man we find attractive, provided he has an open mind and doesn’t explain away his dating failures by blaming them on sociological patterns.

    Again, this was a poll conducted on women willing to subject themselves to speed dating. This is hardly a representative sample.

    1. 6.1
      JennLee

      No, its not true. Explain the great many AM/AW couples and marriages that still exist. Maybe the fact is, just like in every race, there are men that are not appealing to women. These men are the men who complain because they don’t have a woman and then they see some Asian women with Asian men.and they get mad. Let’s not pretend that every Asian woman is dating a white man. It really boils down to this; there are many more white men than Asian men in this country. So, there is simply more chances that the man you fall in love with will be white.

      I still think that the majority of Asian men who complain about this simply aren’t the kind of men that women want. These are the bottom shelf guys, and every race has them.

      1. 6.1.1
        itsmekevin

        sometimes people get mad when they see an amwf couple,its just pointless,im sure not every asian guy is with a white girl,there are still some asian guys who prefer asian women

        1. JennLee

          I think people should keep their nose in their own business. Who somebody dates is their own business, and not the business of other people.

  7. 7
    polly

    I am Korean, and to date have dated:

    1 Korean
    3 white guys
    1 Persian
    1 Israeli
    1 Brazilian
    1 Sri Lankan
    1 South African (black)
    1 Panamanian (black)
    1 Haitian/Dominican (black)
    1 southern black man
    1 Japanese
    1 Japanese/Peruvian
    2 Puerto Ricans
    1 Lebanese Canadian

    Guess that makes me an equal opportunity slut. ;)

    1. 7.1
      Xenophile

      Thumbs up to Polly! 

    2. 7.2
      Kate

      Lol! Come on Polly, dating men of different ethnicities doesn’t make you a slut!

      Funny comment though ;-) 

    3. 7.3
      Derpguy

      Wow…

  8. 8
    Collins

    I, a white guy, would date a woman of any skin color/ethnicity, just so she has room for me in her life & views me as an equal partner, not an ATM, sperm donor or rescuer. But black skin would be frosting on the cake; a crush on Motown singer Tammi Terrell paved the way to my attraction to black women in general. I like how many of them wear thin braids throughout their hair (& I’ve seen a few white women wear their hair that way as well). I’d find a partner’s braids useful for stroking her (or my) forehead or cheeks.

  9. 9
    Michael Ejercito

    They allow themselves to be white washed and to hate their own race. Some only date only white males, even after repeated physical and emotional abuses.

    And who might these women be? How were they identified? Was there a study of some sort identifying these women?

    On a side note, many Asians are willing to consider dating whites because they live in places where whites outnumber Asians by 10:1 or more.

    If white people turn down Asians 65 percent of the time, that means they accept Asians 35 percent of the time. This would mean that the ratio of the of whites willing to date Asians to Asians 35:10, a little over 3:1.

  10. 10
    A-L

    I’d be interested in knowing how much less likely men would be to date a woman outside of his race. I myself am the product of an interracial relationship, and I’ve dated men from all races. For me it’s more about body type than skin color. However, I’m on Match.com and many of the men specify white only, or will list Asian/Hispanic/Caucasian, or will list everything but Black. From talking with some people there’s a hypothesis that as a 27 year old female I would have a lot more winks/e-mails if I was white, rather than mixed. I hope this is not true, however.

    1. 10.1
      Lydia Nubian q

      Was on Match.com and found exactly the same. White men not listing black women as part of their dating pool.

      1. 10.1.1
        Salmon sushi

        To be honest, a lot of white guys do like black women, its just that not so many black women have interest in white men ,and believe that they can only date black men ,which is stupid. Plus, the stereotype of white men being scared to ask a black women out, and the stereotype that black women are ghetto, loud, and bossy, and also the history between blacks and whites in the U.S. ,which some black women cant forget about. black men go after white women more than white women  go after black men ,because of the stereotypes of black women listed above, and the belief that white women are easier.im not saying all black men are like this because there are some black men who date white women and other races for who they are.  But i did hear in places, especially Europe, that white men/black women relationships are rising slowly . Black woman/ white men couples are big in Europe, just not so much in America. 

      2. 10.1.2
        Garret

        This is a tough subject. I do not list black women on my profiles because I tend not to be attracted to black women. I also have zero in common with “black culture.’ I have seen some black women that I thought were attractive, but let me say this, I do list mixed when available because I have seen some mixed race women who I thought were extremely attractive. The problem is these are usually very exceptionally beautiful women. I simply find far more white, Asian and Hispanic/Latino women to be very attractive. I also love the calmer culture based on respect that you find in Asia.

        I do think there is a stereotype that black women are loud, bossy, and combative. Supposedly this is the reason that black men often don’t date them, or so they claim. So obviously, the best thing a black girl can do is be the opposite of that. Not loud, not bossy, and not combative.

        1. ....

          See like you I find very few white men to be attractive. There is just no real culture and they tend not to have any charm/swag. Now of course if hes mixed with something else other than just white I usually find myself taking a second look.  Most white guys seem to be very milktoast and not very fun. Well I should say american white guys b/c I find foreign whites guys a bit more attractive, they tend to have a bit more willingness to learn about black/other cultures and the woman behind that culture.

    2. 10.2
      Xenophile

      A-L,

      It’s a very sad and degrading practice on dating sites for white, asian, hispanic, middle eastern and sometimes black men to check every race of women that exist on Earth except black women or those mixed with black. 

      This is the ghost of the one-drop rule, which meant any person with a drop of black blood was inferior or unacceptable in the “white world” as an equal even if the person looked white as in the case of some mulattoes or those “passing” as whites.

      I suppose racist ancestors would be proud that their racist and dismissive practice of two centuries ago is utilized in a very modernized way of dating. We’ve progressed to computers, the Internet and online dating, but small-minded, ignorantly discriminating men are still viewing black women as unworthy and dishonorable. White men started this disrespect during slavery.

      Minority men (including blacks) use white men as role models. They aspire to have what white men have (women, money, careers, cars, etc). If white men with power, money, fame, and status (politicians, CEOs, heirs, billionaires, etc) started marrying black women in record numbers, all other races of men would strive to have black women. Our dating Stock would become as valuable as white women. Sadly, when some black men reach the top, they marry white women because they feel it adds to their status and acceptability by white America.  This also sends a message to other men that black women are unworthy and unappealing to their own men.

      Thank goodness there are successful white and non-black men who are strong, proud, and happy to date and marry black women, e.g. Robert De Niro, George Lucas, Roger Ebert, David Bowie, Chris Noth, Olivier Nartibez, Robin Thicke, Wissam Al Mana, Erik Asla, Shervin Pushevar, Roderick Spencer, Shadoe Stevens, etc, etc…

      Dating and marriage should be about love, respect, trust, passion, commonalities, etc and not about race or skin color. 

      1. 10.2.1
        den

        Why do a man need to be strong to date a black woman..that is the real problem

  11. 11
    hunter

    There maybe, but, they don’t call it that, they say, they date within their league.

  12. 12
    Eda

    My hypothesis is that woman “seem” less open to interracial dating than men because for woman, the unstated goal of dating is often a more permanent, long-term relationship. By contrast for men, dating is more likely to just be viewed as dating — with no vision of anything long-term per se. I suspect, however, if the question had been would you marry someone of a different race, the differences between men and women would have been less pronounced….a lot more men would not be open to marrying a woman of another race. So, would a guy date a woman of another race? Absolutely. Would he, however, marry her? Probably not. Please note, that I am not criticizing men or women. I am just stating why I think there are differences.

    A-L, I am a 44 year old black woman on Match.com. When I first went on, I had no idea how many winks, emails, etc women typically received. So, as I averaged about 1 -2 a week. I just thought that’s how it was. It wasn’t until I started reading blogs like this that I realized I get nothing in comparison to what younger white women receive. Given that I do consider myself average-looking/moderately attractive, but not hideous, this news was certainly a blow to my ego. But, that’s the reality. Black women, in general, and older black women for sure, have very little value in on-line dating….that is if you judge value in terms of quantity rather than quality of responses. So, I think, as with most things in our society, if something is hard for white women, it’s even harder for black ones.

    1. 12.1
      assman

      Your age has probably more to do with this than your race and you should count yourself lucky. I am a Indian male, 10 years younger than you and attractive but I get zero winks or indications of interest on Match in the average week. 

      1. 12.1.1
        Bea

        It’s true – black woman have a hard time of it. I’m half black. Anyways, guys get a lot fewer responses on online dating because there tend to be more men on these sites and the men on these sites tend to be more aggressive. Not that women are less aggressive in general or anything – we just have to be more cautious on the internet because of safety reasons.

      2. 12.1.2
        Nishi

        Whenever someone says they are attractive it means they are really ugly as s***

  13. 13
    A-L

    Thanks for your reply, Eda. I always find your responses well-written and enlightening. Too bad I wish you had cheerier news. :)

  14. 14
    Eda

    A-L,

    Thank you. I find your responses thoughtful and helpful as well.

    Don’t fret, A-L — there is a bright side to my news that I should have emphasized in my first post. Even though I don’t tons of replies, the ones I do get are typically from good guys, and I do go on an average of two dates a week — which really is about all I can handle. While I can’t say that I’ve met the man of my dreams, all the guys I have dated have been decent, honest, and respectful. I have no dating horror stories…no mean, bitter or crazy guys. So, while my ego might wish for hundreds of replies, the practical side of me can’t complain. Hope that makes you feel better!

  15. 15
    Choeun

    Asian women/White men same old story here. Its love. No racism involved, but considered what white society has done to your asian men. Is there any inclination of racism involved or do you think we live in a happy world where no racism exist, well with the exception of your relationship. Hey, come to the UK the whites are particular barbaric, and impose a systematic form of racism. They often insult asian men and leave the stupid chinese girls asking questions such as Im in love and thats all that matters. Ask a asian man living here that is exposed to racism and sniggering comments almost everyday. There is a trick over here, thats why white men have been so successful.

  16. 16
    Rachel

    I am a product of an inter-racial AND inter-faith marriage, and my parents are still together! Being of Asian/Caucasian/Polynesian heritage, no matter whom I date, it will be inter-racial.

    I have dated many ethnicities, often guys who were mixed: Hawaiian/Chinese/Filipino/Spanish; African/Swedish/Tahitian; Lebanese/Native American/Irish; Cuban/French/Jewish. Also a purebred German; pure English; and pure Swedish — guys from Europe. Love ‘em all. I also have lots of mixed friends, as well as friends who are of just one ethnicity. In my opinion, children of mixed heritage are absolutely gorgeous — and I would love to see the day in which all of us just see people and not race or skin color.

    As for Asian women being very open to interracial dating and marriage — look at the kids and you’ll stop wondering why. Gorgeous, gorgeous! Especially the daughters. My old flat-mate and his girlfriend are both Japanese/Irish, and their toddler is spectacular. She went with daddy to see a big surfing competition, and all the magazine photographers were snapping her up. She could model.

    As for black women supposedly being against it — well, I don’t know about that one. One of my best friends (Mexican/Irish) is dating a black girl; and another good friend (Asian/Caucasian/Polynesian) is also dating a black girl. Some of the most beautiful men and women I have ever met were black mixed with something else. So, if there are a lot of non-dating Asian guys and Black ladies — hey, someone ought to hook up and make another Tiger Woods.

  17. 17
    Rachel

    Thanks everyone, for making it all so clear. Internet dating? Speed dating? You have all masterfully painted the picture of a few sane, healthy people drowning in an ocean of socially unskilled hypocrites: Women who would deign to accept a five foot four Asian M.D., but only if he makes $360,000 more per year than a six foot four, white felon. Guys rating a “2.5” on a Hollywood scale, want a “10” who doesn’t judge them for anything so shallow as income or hairline.

    Got it.

    Okay, I’m using a lot of hyperbole, but there could be no greater advocate for the “old fashioned” method of meeting folks (face to face) than this collective voice. But hey, whatever works you guys, go for it.

  18. 18
    E

    “White media does its best to hype up the white male image and to discourage females from dating any other race of males.”

    Sometimes it’s a womans family that discourages a
    woman from dating a man of a different race.

    A woman might be afraid to date a man of another race
    if her family threatened to disown her if she ever did
    date/marry outside her race. Some families are very
    cruel in that way.

    I know of a family member who was disowned
    because they dated and then married someone of
    another race.

    1. 18.1
      Johann

      Can’t believe this “disowning by family” business is going on in this day and age.
       

  19. 19
    JerseyGirl

    “Guys rating a 2.5 on a Hollywood scale, want a 10 who doesn’t judge them for anything so shallow as income or hairline.”
    —————————————————————————–

    There is some truth in that. You always hear guys say “we like beautiful women, we are guys..we like sex, we are guys. We like a certain type of breast size..hair..age..we are guys…..and love us for our low paying, beer belly, burping, crude joke ways.” Why? Just for the simple fact that they are “men”. However, if women dare judge them for anything, we have entitlement issues and should “lower” our standards.

  20. 20
    sugarbaby

    as a african american man,who went to an all white school as a teenager in high school in the 80’s and couldn’t get a date to save me life, i resolved to never, ever let myself be like my narrowminded, bigoted classmates. i’ve been very lucky to have dated across the spectrum. i’m not so sure that men who say they have no problem dating women of a different ethnicity aren’t just out for sex. marriage is another thing altogether and i think men are more than likely to stick with “their own” if they want to have kids.

    and i must say that i’ve found that most asian women on dating sites want to date white guys. i’ve seen profiles of women labeling themselves as exotic or “oriental delight”-no lie. so i feel for my asian brothers, who most likely have to compete with white guys all the time. of course, this habit of white men/asian women dating is endemic to the U.S.A.

    1. 20.1
      al

      Same background HS experience.  I am Asian though.  You are dead on.

    2. 20.2
      Mike

      Is a white woman who will only date black men “narrow minded and bigoted?” So what if none of the white girls wanted to date you? You know, if I found myself in an all black high school, I would actually understand if none of the girls wanted to date me, especially the ones I wanted to date. It’s not even unnatural to prefer to only your own race. I also don’t think it’s unnatural to prefer to date only another race. I also think it’s not unnatural to only want to date people you might want to marry. I think it’s natural to have preferences. And here’s the thing. Not all white women refuse to date black men. Not all black women refuse to date white men. Etc… But not all women of every race have to be open to dating other races, or if they do date outside their race, they don’t have to date all races. People have the right to their freedom. They are free to make their own choice as to who they want to date. There are 7 billion people on this planet. If you can’t find somebody to date, or have a long term relationship with, it’s not because of your race. I see many many men of all races out there in relationships with women of their own race and women of other races. So you need to find another excuse why you can’t find love. Maybe you are just too picky. Maybe you can find love, but aren’t happy with the quality of women who will actually date you. Hey, I have an idea. You get to tell women that they have to date men of all races, and I get to tell you to date the fatter, less pretty women that you have been rejecting.

      Something that is not lost on me here is that several generations ago, it was the white man telling women who they could date. Now that the white man relented and passed laws making it legal to have an interracial marriage, now it is black men and Asian men who are complaining about who will and won’t date, or marry them. Irony.

      Oh, and don’t blame this on movies, or commercials, or radio, or anything like that. It has already been shown through university research that our perceptions of beauty are mostly inherent. Babies were shown to make the same choices as adults did when subjected to a series of side by side pictures of people’s faces. The babies stare at one picture much more than the other one, every time. And their overall choices matched the overall choices of adults. Furthermore, race was shown not to be a factor in perception. Meaning that when the gender of one race ranked the opposite gender of their own race, the members of other races also ranked them that way.

      You all need to find new excuses. This dead horse has been beat enough.

  21. 22
    Karl R

    sugarbaby (#20) said:
    “im not so sure that men who say they have no problem dating women of a different ethnicity arent just out for sex. marriage is another thing altogether and i think men are more than likely to stick with their own if they want to have kids.”

    There’s probably something to this.

    Part of this may be due to cultural reasons, not racism. I know a couple women from eastern Europe, and would be cautious about dating someone from that culture, even though they’re the same race as me. (One of the women has offered to set me up with her attractive best friend, so this is not a purely hypothetical exercise for me.) In that culture, families place enormous pressure on the women to get married. I don’t want to have to wonder whether a woman is marrying me just because of that pressure.

    I’m currently dating an Indian/Filipino woman who grew up in middle-class America, just like me. When we first met, I thought she was Indian. This worried me a little, since I know that Indians frequently face a lot of pressure from their families to marry inside their own culture. When she told me that her father was Indian and her mother was Filipino, I realized that she wouldn’t receive that kind of pressure from her own family.

    Child-rearing exacerbates any cultural (or religious) differences. Even though my family is rather dysfunctional, I still base my ideas on child-rearing on how my parents raised me. If I were at all interested in having kids, those differences would be of major importance to me.

  22. 23
    Sahaja

    I think Eda makes a valuable point about women taking dating more seriously. I myself will date a guy of all reces, but as I get older, I sometimes wonder what would be a deal breaker in terms of marrying someone. Is there a point to dating someone long term if you both know it would never go anywhere due to cultural/religious differences? I dated a jewish man and a lebanese christian man and though both relationships were great, they ended because there was a disparity in who we date and who we marry – Namely, they had to marry someone of the same religion. And there is the next generation to consider as well – what will they be – not really race wise, bc thats not an issue, but religion is a big thing. I suppose it would be easier being Christian, since people of all races are christian – I think religion is a bigger issue in relationships than race.

    As far as the asian women question – population wise there’s a whole lot of us! Abt a 1/3 of the world are asian, if not a bit more. I actually had no idea that we were more open to dating other races than women of other races ( say that 5 times fast =) ) – I just thought all women were the same in that. Being an asian woman myself, a lot of my friends and I have noticed a lot of interracial dating on both sides – men and women. I just never thought of it as an issue at all. However, I do wonder if the statistics are different for south and east asians.

    In a way, its nice to date someone outside of your own race, because you open up whole new worlds to each other – Its a curiousity thing and its exciting and amazing. On the flip side, dating some one from your own culture – they have a unique understanding of where you come from that you never have to explain. So who kknows?

    Sorry, this is way longer than I intended – but shouldn’t we also consider culture over race? I’ve found that UK guys, english or asian alike are more similar to each other than the same race in America.

  23. 24
    Cilla

    I am white and have dated across the spectrum, but I have also come to the conclusion that I prefer darker men, whether African American, Aisian, or Latino. However, of that group, it is mostly African American men who are attracted to me. I was discussing this with a friend who has also fallen into the habit of dating almost exclusively black men. We both agreed that the African American men we had encountered were more open to a variety of body types and had a greater comfort with their sensuality than their white counterparts, which made them more attracted to us curvy types and made them more attractive to us (we happen to like men who are more sensual). Does this make us racist to draw generalizations from our experience, even they are positive ones? If I date only African American men, is that just another form of racism? I’m not asking facetiously–I’d like to hear what other people have to say.

    To the Reverend: I’d have to say, I don’t see a lot of Asian men on dating sites, compared to other men. Since I’ve done searches looking for essentially non-white men, I would think they would show up if they were available. I’m not in a part of the country where there is a large Asian population, but even when I search nationally, I don’t get a lot of hits. When I do come across an Asian man, he is usually looking in a much younger age category (I’m 46 and they’re usually looking in the 30 and younger group, regardless of their age). I assume they are looking for someone who can potentially give them children–I’m not sure if there are any other cultural phenomena that account for this. Thoughts, anyone?

    1. 24.1
      Xenophile

      Cilla,
      I don’t want to trvialize your dating habits or be disrespectful, but black male comedians love to joke about black men loving curvy to obese white women. Check it out if you’re into comedy.

      Personally, I think it’s great that you have found black men who accept and love you for who you are. They are not making you feel ashamed or like you need to gobble Garcinia Cambogia to drop pounds. There is nothing racist about dating only black men. If that’s the group of men who make you feel comfortable, happy and loved, don’t worry about others’ thoughts. 

      Thumbs up to you and your girlfriend for finding the sensual love you enjoy. Smile, be happy and put your worries away. I’m an advocate for interracial dating, so I’m happy for you!

      1. 24.1.1
        JennLee

        “There is nothing racist about dating only black men.”

        I like your attitude. I prefer white men and only date white men and Asian men. I’m Asian. There are some men, especially black men who get extremely angry to learn that I am not interested in dating them. I have noticed that many of them do not think it is racist for a white woman to only date black men but think it is racist for an Asian woman to not want to date them.

        @Cilla ” We both agreed that the African American men we had encountered were more open to a variety of body types and had a greater comfort with their sensuality than their white counterparts, which made them more attracted to us curvy types and made them more attractive to us (we happen to like men who are more sensual).”

        All I can say is that each person’s experience is relative/different. The white men I have dated are very very sensual, and very romantic. Some I would even classify as sexual Olympians. LOL I don’t date black men, only tried a couple of times and wasn’t impressed. I have asked some of my friends who have dated a large mix of guys and their experience is that the majority of the white guys they dated where also very sensual/comfortable with their sensuality. I find them to be very romantic and eager to please. But I will say this, because many have told me this…they do tend to not be attracted to women who are fat. Most admit that just a little extra weight is one OK, but as my present boyfriend tells me, most women who say “curvy” are actually what he considers to be fat. I had always assumed it mean women with exaggerated hourglass figures, but he assures me that the term means she is quite overweight. I named off a bunch of celebrities that I would have assumed that curvy applied to and he assured me that the average white guy would have no problems dating those women. He wasn’t even sure what term would be used anymore. But he also admitted that there are some white guys who actually prefer overweight women/plus sized women. Maybe these are the guys you have dated and maybe there is a difference between those white men and the white men who prefer and date women who have healthy weight to height ratios?

  24. 25
    Michael Ejercito

    As far as the asian women question – population wise theres a whole lot of us! Abt a 1/3 of the world are asian, if not a bit more. I actually had no idea that we were more open to dating other races than women of other races ( say that 5 times fast =) ) – I just thought all women were the same in that. Being an asian woman myself, a lot of my friends and I have noticed a lot of interracial dating on both sides – men and women. I just never thought of it as an issue at all. However, I do wonder if the statistics are different for south and east asians.
    I wonder if Asians’ openness towards dating other races depends on where they grew up.

  25. 26
    MILENA

    I am white female from eastern Europe. I am usually attracted to white guys and tall Latinos ( I am tall and I would like to date a guy who is at least a little taller then me.)
    I dated African American guy once but it did not really work out.

  26. 27
    The InBetweener

    I don’t think ALL women are racist, that would be absurd.

    The thing is, I PERSONALLY know women that are of different ethnic backgrounds that would not mind being friends (close or not) with guys outside their own race, but when it comes to dating them, they say “HAIL NO!!” (for whatever reasons)

    Now, I’m not sure if that is enough to call them racist but I would say they have “preference issues”. Or at least, if they were asked, they would probably say that they are not attracted to other races.

    I am of an interracial background myself. (American Indian-African American-Puerto Rican) I could NEVER see NOT dating someone based on their race.

    How can I honestly say that I would like to be “in love” (which is kind of like the ultimate goal) but then turn around and eliminate like, I don’t know, 90% of my options? Based on race? It just seems too beneath me.

    1. 27.1
      blackmagic

      No, not all women are racist, just most women, especially against Asian men. And Asian women tend to be the most racist when it comes to dating people of color. I hear Asian women say, “Asian men are too feminine.” Are blacks masculine enough? The truth is they need to get over themselves and their racist Uncle Tom colonial mentality.

      1. 27.1.1
        Garret

        Uncle Tom?  Saying that is pretty racist.  And how about black men who won’t date black women?  Are they racist also?  How about white women who will only date black men?
        See, I have asked that question to most of my black friends.  They never think it is racist when a white woman will only date black men.  They will say, “That’s just her preference.”  Well I have news for you, it’s just their preference when Asian women prefer dating white men.
        Get over your yourself before telling anyone to get over anything.

      2. 27.1.2
        JennLee

        I will assume that you are a black guy, based on your comment and “blackmagic.” I assume that you feel angry that Asian women more often than not aren’t interested in dating black men. Well, welcome to life. Black men seem to be quick to label somebody racist if they won’t date black men, and yet many of those who would say that won’t even date their own race, or see no problem with a white woman who will only date black men. Like it or not, some women just aren’t attracted to you on many different levels. I for one worked very hard to learn English so I enjoy talking with men who have a good command of the English language. I don’t like a lot of slang. I know it’s not all black men but wow, even at university, most used a lot of slang/had a poor command of the English language. Often, when speaking with them, I could see them struggle at times, and it was obvious that it is because when they were “with their boys” they revert to mostly slang, so when trying to speak proper, it doesn’t come naturally.

        There are many other little things like this that add up, but in the end, I simply don’t find myself attracted to black men physically. It’s not something I can fake. It is very rare that I see a black man that I would say is attractive to me. Very very rare, and usually, their features look more Caucasian than black, like that Soap Opera star Shemar Moore. To me he looks more white than black.

        Anyway, I agree with Garret that using the term Uncle Tom is racist. So I think maybe you need to get over yourself? People have a right to their preferences. Maybe it might help if more many black men preferred black women.

  27. 28
    tony

    Absolutely true statement. I’m non-white in this country from south asia. And also not a bad looking guy. But I know in the last 10 years, how much I have been preducided by white women, black women and even hispanic women. The only women who has been sweet and caring a bit and cared to throw away the shallow parts and look with me, were Asian girls. Specially the ones who have been in this country for a short period.

  28. 29
    A-L

    I agree with Karl R that race is more of a cultural issue than a skin color one. I’m cautious about dating men from some foreign countries because in their societies the woman traditionally has the role of being subservient to the husband, while being responsible for all of the household care with no assistance from him. Then there are some people in the US from certain socioeconomic groups that don’t value education and think that earning a living by getting welfare for children from multiple partners is okay. These are also individuals I stay away from.

    Sometimes one race is more likely to have people of a certain culture that I find undesirable, but I don’t bar all people of that race based on that tendency. I try and gauge (from their profile, and their other communications if we get that far) whether or not that individual has potential for me. And as egotistical as this sounds, I wish everyone else would take the same approach (though I realize I can’t change anyone’s actions but my own).

    I also just wanted to comment that racial discrimination is not just from the “dominant” perspective of people who only want whites. Yeah, there are the white guys who only want whites, or whites/Latinas/Asians. Then you also have the black guys who only want to date black women, or will date a woman of any ethnicity so long as it’s not white. Then there are the people (like the one Evan touts having helped find a partner) who are a member of a minority race but only want to date a white person. Basically, everything’s rather convoluted with this whole racial issue.

  29. 30
    Asian male interracial philanderer

    As a veteran Asian male interracial philanderer who has been with many women (lost the count years ago, don’t even remember many names from before 2003), my only suggestion to my fellow Asian blood brothers and to other disenfranchised members of the human race is to NOT look for women on the Internet. The potentiality of the Internet, the wide and often free access of online dating, and the differences in the way women think (online, they get MORE selective while you become less selective) leads to some extreme power law dynamics (look up “power law” if you don’t get the term) for online dating. That means many for a very few. I know this will not make any logical sense, but every woman is looking for a young Clint Eastwood online, regardless of their realistic ability to attract, much less keep, a young Clint Eastwood. Unless you are black and can attract the “size queens”, the more differently you look from a young Clint Eastwood, the less time you should invest on finding women on the Internet. Does that mean you cannot score on the Internet? Of course not, but you can much more efficiently use your limited resources of time and energy on other aspects of life and you will attract women if you are attractive and around enough women. Just remember, be your best, take it easy but not too easy, look out for your fellow disenfranchised brothers, and never pass up an opportunity, because there is nothing like no-holds-barred interracial porn sex with a busty Caucasian woman when you are a member of a truly oppressed demographic.

    1. 30.1
      Baylor Black

      This is the most spot on post I have ever read with a hilarious plot twist.

    2. 30.2
      RustyLH

      I love how some people put it all down to a white plot.  But then we could start looking at things like South Korea where racism in exposed in such things as Kpop.  Yes, a beautiful half block Korean girl was discriminated against in the Asian Idol contest.  In fact, what is really weird is that the majority of Kpop stars appear to have cosmetic surgery to make themselves look half white, and yet they don’t just go out and find talented half white boys and girls.  I looked into it and couldn’t find one Kpop star with one white parent.  Furthermore, the male groups often have white women in their videos, usually Russian I believe, but you will never see a white man in a female group’s videos.  It will always be a Korean male…usually an actor or male Kpop star.  If you are black, or half black, forget it.  There are some “Americans” who are in Kpop, but when you look into it, you find out that they are full Korean, such as Tiffany, and Jessica in Girl’s Generation.
       
      People do throw the racism word around a bit too much though.  Ive learned that in my time on Earth.  Often it’s not really racism, it’s tribalism.  There are many people who will simply not like anyone, even people of their own race if you are not in their own little group.  Heck, look at how people of all races treat each other over soccer games.  I’ve seen people do some pretty horrible stuff to each other over a game…people of their own race.  But back to my point.  I’ve had many incidents happen where a guy would say that somebody was a racist because of how he was treated by that person, but then that person treated me the very same way.  So I do stand by my assertion that many times when you think somebody was racist to you, they are just an A–H— who is motivated by tribalism.  It is likely that they don’t even treat some members of their own family with kindness or respect.

      1. 30.2.1
        J

        I don’t think race really matters in South Korea considering some 96% are Koreans, of course kpop stars would be Koreans.  28% of Americans are minorities in the U.S., pretty soon it will be 1/2, will women still discriminate by race?  Probably favoring a certain race still. 

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