Apr17
Women Are Racist
No, not really. But in John Tierney’s continued analysis of dating behavior, he cites some interesting studies that suggest that women are far less open to dating men of other races than vice versa.
Black women were the most averse to interracial dating, Asian women were the most open to it, and Asian men didn’t fare all that well.
I’m not going to hypothesize why – after all, I’m a dating coach, not a social scientiest – but this very much corresponds with what I’ve heard from clients.
With one exception. I’m a bit surprised at men’s openness to interracial dating. While I’ve personally dated women across the racial spectrum, I’ve only had a handful of clients who ever expressed preferences for women of other races. Then again, the demographics of my clients are probably a bit skewed towards upper-middle class white people.
Any readers with interracial dating experience care to weigh in?
Money quote:The researchers found that most women speed daters said yes (meaning they’d like to see a man again after the four-minute speed date) less often to men of another race than they did to men of their own race. Here’s how much less interested they were in the other races, as compared with their enthusiasm for men of their own race:
African-American women said yes about 30 percent less often to Hispanic men; about 45 percent less often to white men; about 65 percent less often to Asian men.
White women said yes about 30 percent less often to black or Hispanic men, and about 65 percent less often to Asian men.
Hispanic women said yes about 20 percent less often to black or white men, and 50 percent less often to Asian men.
Asian women didn’t discriminate much by race (except for showing a very slight preference for Asian men over black or Hispanic men).
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71 Comments »Filed Under Online Dating Sites, Reviews & News
Carrie Freeman Aug 24th 2007 at 04:32 pm 1
Inter-racial dating is the majority of what I have done since I began dating! I married a black man, who I am now (17 years later) divorcing, but the point is that I think the world is FULL of potential, why limit yourself?
Cam Sep 8th 2007 at 10:29 am 2
The pool of people they conducted the speed dating experiment on was hardly representative. As for men being open to dating all races, I would like to laugh long and hard about that one. I’ve given up on online dating because I was tired of seeing White/Asian, White/Hispanic or everything but Black in men’s racial preferences.
I did meet a White guy at a speed dating event who told me (after a couple dates) that I was the first Black person he ever dated and said he’d now be more open to dating Black women before breaking up with me (his militant sleep schedule and gardening obsession would have proved a strain had it gone on much longer). I doubt if every woman has the burden of being an ambassador for her race while dating, I’m at least glad I was a good one
m Sep 9th 2007 at 02:02 pm 3
A lot of Black women aren’t racist, and would welcome attention from men of other races (not just White men).
However, White men who don’t have the courage to take the “social risk” of dating a Black woman are bad relationship candidates for Black women who welcome the attention of all kinds of men.
TheObserver Oct 23rd 2007 at 01:36 am 4
Asian women are the RACIST females on the planet.
They allow themselves to be white washed and to hate their own race. Some only date only white males, even after repeated physical and emotional abuses.
Obviously you are rataing these women from the view point of a white male.
As for Asian males, what choice do they have, the white media has castrated them.
White media does its best to hype up the white male image and to discourage females from dating any other race of males.
singleinnewyorkcity Oct 23rd 2007 at 09:47 pm 5
i would have to agree with the observer. i have many asian women friends that date only white men specifically for the reasons stated above.
yuki chin Oct 24th 2007 at 08:34 am 6
Saying “I know people from group x who demonstrate this tendency and therefore am qualified to make a stupid generalization about all of group x” is the perfect way to stick your foot in it.
I am an Asian female who dates males of all ethnicities. My sister & I, my Asian girlfriends and – hell, even my non-Asian girlfriends – will date any man we find attractive, provided he has an open mind and doesn’t explain away his dating failures by blaming them on sociological patterns.
Again, this was a poll conducted on women willing to subject themselves to speed dating. This is hardly a representative sample.
polly Oct 24th 2007 at 08:47 am 7
I am Korean, and to date have dated:
1 Korean
3 white guys
1 Persian
1 Israeli
1 Brazilian
1 Sri Lankan
1 South African (black)
1 Panamanian (black)
1 Haitian/Dominican (black)
1 southern black man
1 Japanese
1 Japanese/Peruvian
2 Puerto Ricans
1 Lebanese Canadian
Guess that makes me an equal opportunity slut.
Collins Oct 25th 2007 at 07:47 pm 8
I, a white guy, would date a woman of any skin color/ethnicity, just so she has room for me in her life & views me as an equal partner, not an ATM, sperm donor or rescuer. But black skin would be frosting on the cake; a crush on Motown singer Tammi Terrell paved the way to my attraction to black women in general. I like how many of them wear thin braids throughout their hair (& I’ve seen a few white women wear their hair that way as well). I’d find a partner’s braids useful for stroking her (or my) forehead or cheeks.
Michael Ejercito Feb 16th 2008 at 11:43 am 9
And who might these women be? How were they identified? Was there a study of some sort identifying these women?
On a side note, many Asians are willing to consider dating whites because they live in places where whites outnumber Asians by 10:1 or more.
If white people turn down Asians 65 percent of the time, that means they accept Asians 35 percent of the time. This would mean that the ratio of the of whites willing to date Asians to Asians 35:10, a little over 3:1.
A-L Apr 5th 2008 at 02:10 pm 10
I’d be interested in knowing how much less likely men would be to date a woman outside of his race. I myself am the product of an interracial relationship, and I’ve dated men from all races. For me it’s more about body type than skin color. However, I’m on Match.com and many of the men specify white only, or will list Asian/Hispanic/Caucasian, or will list everything but Black. From talking with some people there’s a hypothesis that as a 27 year old female I would have a lot more winks/e-mails if I was white, rather than mixed. I hope this is not true, however.
hunter Apr 6th 2008 at 09:12 pm 11
There maybe, but, they don’t call it that, they say, they date within their league.
Eda Apr 7th 2008 at 05:57 am 12
My hypothesis is that woman “seem” less open to interracial dating than men because for woman, the unstated goal of dating is often a more permanent, long-term relationship. By contrast for men, dating is more likely to just be viewed as dating — with no vision of anything long-term per se. I suspect, however, if the question had been would you marry someone of a different race, the differences between men and women would have been less pronounced….a lot more men would not be open to marrying a woman of another race. So, would a guy date a woman of another race? Absolutely. Would he, however, marry her? Probably not. Please note, that I am not criticizing men or women. I am just stating why I think there are differences.
A-L, I am a 44 year old black woman on Match.com. When I first went on, I had no idea how many winks, emails, etc women typically received. So, as I averaged about 1 -2 a week. I just thought that’s how it was. It wasn’t until I started reading blogs like this that I realized I get nothing in comparison to what younger white women receive. Given that I do consider myself average-looking/moderately attractive, but not hideous, this news was certainly a blow to my ego. But, that’s the reality. Black women, in general, and older black women for sure, have very little value in on-line dating….that is if you judge value in terms of quantity rather than quality of responses. So, I think, as with most things in our society, if something is hard for white women, it’s even harder for black ones.
A-L Apr 13th 2008 at 06:51 pm 13
Thanks for your reply, Eda. I always find your responses well-written and enlightening. Too bad I wish you had cheerier news.
Eda Apr 14th 2008 at 03:03 pm 14
A-L,
Thank you. I find your responses thoughtful and helpful as well.
Don’t fret, A-L — there is a bright side to my news that I should have emphasized in my first post. Even though I don’t tons of replies, the ones I do get are typically from good guys, and I do go on an average of two dates a week — which really is about all I can handle. While I can’t say that I’ve met the man of my dreams, all the guys I have dated have been decent, honest, and respectful. I have no dating horror stories…no mean, bitter or crazy guys. So, while my ego might wish for hundreds of replies, the practical side of me can’t complain. Hope that makes you feel better!
Choeun Jun 5th 2008 at 04:09 pm 15
Asian women/White men same old story here. Its love. No racism involved, but considered what white society has done to your asian men. Is there any inclination of racism involved or do you think we live in a happy world where no racism exist, well with the exception of your relationship. Hey, come to the UK the whites are particular barbaric, and impose a systematic form of racism. They often insult asian men and leave the stupid chinese girls asking questions such as Im in love and thats all that matters. Ask a asian man living here that is exposed to racism and sniggering comments almost everyday. There is a trick over here, thats why white men have been so successful.
Rachel Jun 6th 2008 at 02:44 pm 16
I am a product of an inter-racial AND inter-faith marriage, and my parents are still together! Being of Asian/Caucasian/Polynesian heritage, no matter whom I date, it will be inter-racial.
I have dated many ethnicities, often guys who were mixed: Hawaiian/Chinese/Filipino/Spanish; African/Swedish/Tahitian; Lebanese/Native American/Irish; Cuban/French/Jewish. Also a purebred German; pure English; and pure Swedish — guys from Europe. Love ‘em all. I also have lots of mixed friends, as well as friends who are of just one ethnicity. In my opinion, children of mixed heritage are absolutely gorgeous — and I would love to see the day in which all of us just see people and not race or skin color.
As for Asian women being very open to interracial dating and marriage — look at the kids and you’ll stop wondering why. Gorgeous, gorgeous! Especially the daughters. My old flat-mate and his girlfriend are both Japanese/Irish, and their toddler is spectacular. She went with daddy to see a big surfing competition, and all the magazine photographers were snapping her up. She could model.
As for black women supposedly being against it — well, I don’t know about that one. One of my best friends (Mexican/Irish) is dating a black girl; and another good friend (Asian/Caucasian/Polynesian) is also dating a black girl. Some of the most beautiful men and women I have ever met were black mixed with something else. So, if there are a lot of non-dating Asian guys and Black ladies — hey, someone ought to hook up and make another Tiger Woods.
Rachel Jun 17th 2008 at 08:34 pm 17
Thanks everyone, for making it all so clear. Internet dating? Speed dating? You have all masterfully painted the picture of a few sane, healthy people drowning in an ocean of socially unskilled hypocrites: Women who would deign to accept a five foot four Asian M.D., but only if he makes $360,000 more per year than a six foot four, white felon. Guys rating a “2.5″ on a Hollywood scale, want a “10″ who doesn’t judge them for anything so shallow as income or hairline.
Got it.
Okay, I’m using a lot of hyperbole, but there could be no greater advocate for the “old fashioned” method of meeting folks (face to face) than this collective voice. But hey, whatever works you guys, go for it.
E Jun 17th 2008 at 10:14 pm 18
“White media does its best to hype up the white male image and to discourage females from dating any other race of males.”
Sometimes it’s a womans family that discourages a
woman from dating a man of a different race.
A woman might be afraid to date a man of another race
if her family threatened to disown her if she ever did
date/marry outside her race. Some families are very
cruel in that way.
I know of a family member who was disowned
because they dated and then married someone of
another race.
JerseyGirl Jun 18th 2008 at 05:15 am 19
“Guys rating a “2.5″ on a Hollywood scale, want a “10″ who doesn’t judge them for anything so shallow as income or hairline.”
—————————————————————————–
There is some truth in that. You always hear guys say “we like beautiful women, we are guys..we like sex, we are guys. We like a certain type of breast size..hair..age..we are guys…..and love us for our low paying, beer belly, burping, crude joke ways.” Why? Just for the simple fact that they are “men”. However, if women dare judge them for anything, we have entitlement issues and should “lower” our standards.
sugarbaby Jul 25th 2008 at 08:02 pm 20
as a african american man,who went to an all white school as a teenager in high school in the 80’s and couldn’t get a date to save me life, i resolved to never, ever let myself be like my narrowminded, bigoted classmates. i’ve been very lucky to have dated across the spectrum. i’m not so sure that men who say they have no problem dating women of a different ethnicity aren’t just out for sex. marriage is another thing altogether and i think men are more than likely to stick with “their own” if they want to have kids.
and i must say that i’ve found that most asian women on dating sites want to date white guys. i’ve seen profiles of women labeling themselves as exotic or “oriental delight”-no lie. so i feel for my asian brothers, who most likely have to compete with white guys all the time. of course, this habit of white men/asian women dating is endemic to the U.S.A.
The Reverend Terence Fformby-Smythe Jul 26th 2008 at 08:04 am 21
i wonder how many asian guys want to date white women.
Karl R Jul 26th 2008 at 02:09 pm 22
sugarbaby (#20) said:
“i’m not so sure that men who say they have no problem dating women of a different ethnicity aren’t just out for sex. marriage is another thing altogether and i think men are more than likely to stick with “their own” if they want to have kids.”
There’s probably something to this.
Part of this may be due to cultural reasons, not racism. I know a couple women from eastern Europe, and would be cautious about dating someone from that culture, even though they’re the same race as me. (One of the women has offered to set me up with her attractive best friend, so this is not a purely hypothetical exercise for me.) In that culture, families place enormous pressure on the women to get married. I don’t want to have to wonder whether a woman is marrying me just because of that pressure.
I’m currently dating an Indian/Filipino woman who grew up in middle-class America, just like me. When we first met, I thought she was Indian. This worried me a little, since I know that Indians frequently face a lot of pressure from their families to marry inside their own culture. When she told me that her father was Indian and her mother was Filipino, I realized that she wouldn’t receive that kind of pressure from her own family.
Child-rearing exacerbates any cultural (or religious) differences. Even though my family is rather dysfunctional, I still base my ideas on child-rearing on how my parents raised me. If I were at all interested in having kids, those differences would be of major importance to me.
Sahaja Jul 27th 2008 at 12:38 am 23
I think Eda makes a valuable point about women taking dating more seriously. I myself will date a guy of all reces, but as I get older, I sometimes wonder what would be a deal breaker in terms of marrying someone. Is there a point to dating someone long term if you both know it would never go anywhere due to cultural/religious differences? I dated a jewish man and a lebanese christian man and though both relationships were great, they ended because there was a disparity in who we date and who we marry – Namely, they had to marry someone of the same religion. And there is the next generation to consider as well – what will they be – not really race wise, bc thats not an issue, but religion is a big thing. I suppose it would be easier being Christian, since people of all races are christian – I think religion is a bigger issue in relationships than race.
As far as the asian women question – population wise there’s a whole lot of us! Abt a 1/3 of the world are asian, if not a bit more. I actually had no idea that we were more open to dating other races than women of other races ( say that 5 times fast =) ) – I just thought all women were the same in that. Being an asian woman myself, a lot of my friends and I have noticed a lot of interracial dating on both sides – men and women. I just never thought of it as an issue at all. However, I do wonder if the statistics are different for south and east asians.
In a way, its nice to date someone outside of your own race, because you open up whole new worlds to each other – Its a curiousity thing and its exciting and amazing. On the flip side, dating some one from your own culture – they have a unique understanding of where you come from that you never have to explain. So who kknows?
Sorry, this is way longer than I intended – but shouldn’t we also consider culture over race? I’ve found that UK guys, english or asian alike are more similar to each other than the same race in America.
Cilla Jul 27th 2008 at 08:37 am 24
I am white and have dated across the spectrum, but I have also come to the conclusion that I prefer darker men, whether African American, Aisian, or Latino. However, of that group, it is mostly African American men who are attracted to me. I was discussing this with a friend who has also fallen into the habit of dating almost exclusively black men. We both agreed that the African American men we had encountered were more open to a variety of body types and had a greater comfort with their sensuality than their white counterparts, which made them more attracted to us curvy types and made them more attractive to us (we happen to like men who are more sensual). Does this make us racist to draw generalizations from our experience, even they are positive ones? If I date only African American men, is that just another form of racism? I’m not asking facetiously–I’d like to hear what other people have to say.
To the Reverend: I’d have to say, I don’t see a lot of Asian men on dating sites, compared to other men. Since I’ve done searches looking for essentially non-white men, I would think they would show up if they were available. I’m not in a part of the country where there is a large Asian population, but even when I search nationally, I don’t get a lot of hits. When I do come across an Asian man, he is usually looking in a much younger age category (I’m 46 and they’re usually looking in the 30 and younger group, regardless of their age). I assume they are looking for someone who can potentially give them children–I’m not sure if there are any other cultural phenomena that account for this. Thoughts, anyone?
Michael Ejercito Jul 28th 2008 at 06:56 am 25
As far as the asian women question – population wise there’s a whole lot of us! Abt a 1/3 of the world are asian, if not a bit more. I actually had no idea that we were more open to dating other races than women of other races ( say that 5 times fast =) ) – I just thought all women were the same in that. Being an asian woman myself, a lot of my friends and I have noticed a lot of interracial dating on both sides – men and women. I just never thought of it as an issue at all. However, I do wonder if the statistics are different for south and east asians.
I wonder if Asians’ openness towards dating other races depends on where they grew up.
MILENA Oct 31st 2008 at 09:05 am 26
I am white female from eastern Europe. I am usually attracted to white guys and tall Latinos ( I am tall and I would like to date a guy who is at least a little taller then me.)
I dated African American guy once but it did not really work out.
The InBetweener Oct 31st 2008 at 05:48 pm 27
I don’t think ALL women are racist, that would be absurd.
The thing is, I PERSONALLY know women that are of different ethnic backgrounds that would not mind being friends (close or not) with guys outside their own race, but when it comes to dating them, they say “HAIL NO!!” (for whatever reasons)
Now, I’m not sure if that is enough to call them racist but I would say they have “preference issues”. Or at least, if they were asked, they would probably say that they are not attracted to other races.
I am of an interracial background myself. (American Indian-African American-Puerto Rican) I could NEVER see NOT dating someone based on their race.
How can I honestly say that I would like to be “in love” (which is kind of like the ultimate goal) but then turn around and eliminate like, I don’t know, 90% of my options? Based on race? It just seems too beneath me.
tony Dec 5th 2008 at 05:34 am 28
Absolutely true statement. I’m non-white in this country from south asia. And also not a bad looking guy. But I know in the last 10 years, how much I have been preducided by white women, black women and even hispanic women. The only women who has been sweet and caring a bit and cared to throw away the shallow parts and look with me, were Asian girls. Specially the ones who have been in this country for a short period.
A-L Dec 7th 2008 at 10:26 am 29
I agree with Karl R that race is more of a cultural issue than a skin color one. I’m cautious about dating men from some foreign countries because in their societies the woman traditionally has the role of being subservient to the husband, while being responsible for all of the household care with no assistance from him. Then there are some people in the US from certain socioeconomic groups that don’t value education and think that earning a living by getting welfare for children from multiple partners is okay. These are also individuals I stay away from.
Sometimes one race is more likely to have people of a certain culture that I find undesirable, but I don’t bar all people of that race based on that tendency. I try and gauge (from their profile, and their other communications if we get that far) whether or not that individual has potential for me. And as egotistical as this sounds, I wish everyone else would take the same approach (though I realize I can’t change anyone’s actions but my own).
I also just wanted to comment that racial discrimination is not just from the “dominant” perspective of people who only want whites. Yeah, there are the white guys who only want whites, or whites/Latinas/Asians. Then you also have the black guys who only want to date black women, or will date a woman of any ethnicity so long as it’s not white. Then there are the people (like the one Evan touts having helped find a partner) who are a member of a minority race but only want to date a white person. Basically, everything’s rather convoluted with this whole racial issue.
Asian male interracial philanderer Jan 15th 2009 at 08:38 am 30
As a veteran Asian male interracial philanderer who has been with many women (lost the count years ago, don’t even remember many names from before 2003), my only suggestion to my fellow Asian blood brothers and to other disenfranchised members of the human race is to NOT look for women on the Internet. The potentiality of the Internet, the wide and often free access of online dating, and the differences in the way women think (online, they get MORE selective while you become less selective) leads to some extreme power law dynamics (look up “power law” if you don’t get the term) for online dating. That means many for a very few. I know this will not make any logical sense, but every woman is looking for a young Clint Eastwood online, regardless of their realistic ability to attract, much less keep, a young Clint Eastwood. Unless you are black and can attract the “size queens”, the more differently you look from a young Clint Eastwood, the less time you should invest on finding women on the Internet. Does that mean you cannot score on the Internet? Of course not, but you can much more efficiently use your limited resources of time and energy on other aspects of life and you will attract women if you are attractive and around enough women. Just remember, be your best, take it easy but not too easy, look out for your fellow disenfranchised brothers, and never pass up an opportunity, because there is nothing like no-holds-barred interracial porn sex with a busty Caucasian woman when you are a member of a truly oppressed demographic.
Sayanta Jan 15th 2009 at 04:23 pm 31
I prefer not to date men of my own race- so what does that make me? Reverse racist? hmmmm
A-L Jan 17th 2009 at 03:36 pm 32
Sayanta’s #31: Why is that?
Sayanta Jan 18th 2009 at 09:38 am 33
Well- I’m Indian, and I’ve found that a lot of Indian men are very um…traditional, particularly in the way that they view women. Even the ones who’ve grown up in the West. Personally, I’ve been treated better by men of other races.
Sayanta Jan 18th 2009 at 05:54 pm 34
A-L’s post #10-
“From talking with some people there’s a hypothesis that as a 27 year old female I would have a lot more winks/e-mails if I was white, rather than mixed. I hope this is not true, however.”
I think this is true, unfortunately. Not to sound egotistical, but I’m a 30 year old woman with a hot pic and I get a lot of winks and messages. BUT I know the number would be a lot more if I was white. For Chrissake, I see men of COLOR who write “I only want a white woman” on my profile. And I have white girlfriends with so-so pics (just the pics, they’re definitely hot in real life) who get tons more winks/e-mails than I do. My profile’s pretty cool and laid back sounding from what guys have told me. So the main reason I think I’m not getting quite as many e-mails as I would like is probably racial.
I mean, if most guys write “Caucasian preferred” (and most do), that kind of knocks me off the list.
Sayanta Jan 18th 2009 at 06:06 pm 35
Sorry for my constant string of comments- I just came across this post now, and I thought it was a great topic.
A couple of people mentioned how if marriage becomes a deciding factor, most people will stick within their own race. This poses a problem for me sadly- from my above post, I can’t see myself married to a person of my own race because of the way I’ve seen most Indian men treat their wives. However, if men just want to stick within their own race for marriage, that’s obviously a problem for me too…one of life’s dilemmas, I guess.
A-L Jan 19th 2009 at 09:22 am 36
Well, for those people looking for a match of a different race, there is hope. My white mom married my black dad. My white sister first married a biracial guy, then a black guy. My black sister has a white partner. And my black brother married a biracial gal, and is currently seriously seeing a white woman. And this is just my immediate family. Interracial marriages, though not the norm, are getting to be more common so there’s hope for us all.
Michael Ejercito Jan 19th 2009 at 09:36 am 37
This poses a problem for me sadly- from my above post, I can’t see myself married to a person of my own race because of the way I’ve seen most Indian men treat their wives. However, if men just want to stick within their own race for marriage, that’s obviously a problem for me too…one of life’s dilemmas, I guess.
Yes.
You are different from most women of your race, since they tend to be more traditional.
For Chrissake, I see men of COLOR who write “I only want a white woman” on my profile.
Yes, that happens quite a bit in a place that is predominantly white.
It is likely that in parts of China, there are ethnic Koreans who would only date Chinese.
Sayanta Jan 19th 2009 at 11:26 am 38
A-L- Your post is reassuring- you’re lucky to have grown up around so many open minded people. May I ask what area of the US you’re from?
A-L Jan 19th 2009 at 08:34 pm 39
Sayanta- My family moved a lot while growing up. If we had to attach home states to ourselves (which is difficult with all the moving) I’d say that I’m from Louisiana while my siblings would probably consider themselves from Maryland. I will also say that Columbia, MD has a reputation for a ton of interracial relationships. Just a little FYI.
Sayanta Jan 20th 2009 at 07:16 am 40
A-L-
That’s so interesting, that the two states you mention are Southern- and I hate to admit it, but I’ve always believed the southern stereotypes about race relations down there- just from personal experience.
I grew up in Queens and moved to Jerz when I was 12, and have been here ever since. You would think Jerseyans would be pretty open-minded, right? Wrong. Although things are changing now. And there were some narrow-minded people in Queens too, believe it or not.
A-L Jan 20th 2009 at 03:19 pm 41
Though I would love to say that the south is far more progressive than it’s given credit for, all of the interracial relationships I mentioned above began in Maryland with the exception of one that started in Colorado. And I think Maryland would be considered more northern than not (it didn’t secede during the Civil War, for instance) but so it goes.
That being said, though, I do date long-term relationship-minded men of different races down here in Louisiana. No proposals yet, but they’re not all totally closed off to the idea. So again, there’s hope.
starthrower68 Jan 20th 2009 at 05:24 pm 42
Post #30 reminds me why I don’t date. Being a casual observer is much less stressful.
starthrower68 Jan 20th 2009 at 05:28 pm 43
I am curious though, what’s the fascination with caucasian women, anyway? And I am one. When I was trying online dating, I got more attention from African American men than any other race, including caucasian men.
Sayanta Jan 21st 2009 at 07:59 am 44
To Starthrower #43-
I can’t speak for other races, but among Indian men, white women are ‘trophies’- a sign that you’ve really arrived in society. It’s a form of self-hatred, a product of inferiority complexes stemming from racism, imperialism, etc.
That said- I tend to enjoy dating white men myself- ONLY- because I’ve usually had the best time with them on dates. Of course, I’ve only been asked out by white and Indian guys in my 30 years- and one philipino who was pretty cool, so I guess I’m biased.
Joe Jan 22nd 2009 at 07:21 am 45
Despite being south of the Mason-Dixon Line, Maryland isn’t really a southern state. Of course, the further one gets from DC or Baltimore, the more…shall we say “rural” it gets.
starthrower68 Jan 24th 2009 at 01:02 pm 46
Sayanta, I guess that answer makes sense. In response, I would say I’m not going to be into a relationship just to be a “trophy”. I’m not here to be somebody’s “status symbol”. If that’s their interest is based on, then it’s probably going to be a superficial relationship the rest of the way and I don’t have time for that.
A-L Jan 25th 2009 at 09:15 am 47
Though there probably are some guys who view a white person as a trophy, I doubt that’s the primary reason why nearly every guy’s willing to date a white woman. The media have been shown to promote a very specific form of beauty for decades (very slender, and white). The emergence of women of other races being shown as examples of great beauty in the media has really only started happening in the last fifteen years. So for guys who were growing up prior to ‘93-’95 then their classical standard of beauty was generally a white thin woman, and that’s how their tastes of what attractive developed, and hence, their dating patterns.
Michael Ejercito Jan 26th 2009 at 09:19 am 48
I wonder what it is like in other countries. I am sure that in China, the media there portrays Chinese women as beautiful.
Sayanta Jan 27th 2009 at 07:25 am 49
“I wonder what it is like in other countries. I am sure that in China, the media there portrays Chinese women as beautiful.”
No- sadly, Western standards of beauty are upheld throughout the world- hence the selling of skin bleach throughout India and Latin America. Nowadays, many Indian women get blue or green contacts in an effort to look more “Western.” It’s sad. I actually wrote an article about this once.
As for China, there was a huge thing in Marie Claire about the lengths that women go there to fit into the ideal white-woman image. Examples are hair dyeing and eyelid tucks. Some women have painful surgery to increase their height- this involves breaking the shin and adding a rod to the bone to lengthen it. I was seriously nauseated when I read this.
Michael Ejercito Jan 27th 2009 at 09:01 am 50
No- sadly, Western standards of beauty are upheld throughout the world- hence the selling of skin bleach throughout India and Latin America. Nowadays, many Indian women get blue or green contacts in an effort to look more “Western.” It’s sad. I actually wrote an article about this once.
Why would the media in China sell a Western standard of beauty?
Sayanta Jan 28th 2009 at 08:36 am 51
Michael-
see the first paragraph of my post#44
I don’t know if you’re white or not- but to a person of color, things like this are usually obvious.
AlexMjeia Feb 18th 2009 at 10:16 pm 52
Why do you guys keep on thinking that “Latino” is a race?????? we are not a race. I am from Chile, direct descendant of Irish and 110% latino. Latinamerica, like the rest of the continent, is a multiethnic region. If you are latino you can have any ancestry.
Maria Feb 19th 2009 at 04:22 am 53
I am saddened deeply by this post. #30 Asian male, #52 Alex, the pain people experience form their ethnic heritage is sad. I have dated men from all countries/ethnic backgrounds by now for sure. I can’t list them all because I admit I have been a dating machine, and I never even ask the question “so, what are you?” I am italian, almost a completely lost culture here in the western states, and I am proud of my ancestry and traditions. There is little time in life to feel pain from others who might want to judge harshly due to your lineage. When you meet someone where race is an issue (you can ask a lead in question to see what their reality is), just move on. Racism is shallow and ignorant and personally I need a man in my life who is more open to life and love.
Paul Mar 3rd 2009 at 11:31 am 54
I find that Interracial dating is just another form of racism. At first I use to think it was all about love, but after living a little, I can see many men and women who date interracially do so to fulfill some sort of fetish or because they hate their own people. I talked to many asian women who told me they wouldnt date asian men because they are too “Insert negative stereotype”.
And they says IR dating is a result of open-mindness…. the irony i tell ya.
Michael Mar 3rd 2009 at 05:10 pm 55
I talked to many asian women who told me they wouldnt date asian men because they are too “Insert negative stereotype”.
Of course, it could be asked why anyone would want to date them , if they are too “Insert negative stereotype”.
I am an Asian man and I only want to date white women, and I will admit that it is only because of sexual attraction, not because of any deficiency that Asian people have in common.
Maria Mar 3rd 2009 at 08:11 pm 56
Rock on Michael,
Date those whom you have a sexual attraction for. Period.
T Mar 3rd 2009 at 09:19 pm 57
Im a black woman and while I must say that back in the day(well the late 90’s) I saw a lot of white guys on their profile check every single ethinicity they could but exclude black(but they didnt seem to mind emailing a sista for discreet sex, go figure). Anyway as of about 2001 and so on ALL I EVER seem to get are white guys(hispanic guys following a close second) IM messaging me! Not really sure when this “shift happened”. Also it seemed back sometime ago white guys felt a bit more comfortable if the black woman happened to be mixed as if it was making it not so bad to date her since she wasnt “all” black.
Now its to the point that its seems like white guys will question a black woman on her decisions if she says she doesnt date white guys (Booyah Hello!!!! “Oh oh its because Im white isnt?” or “Oh so youre not going to give me a chance b/c Im not a brotha huh?) I mean I remember a time when they were waaaaaay more timid. So I dont know what match.com is doing(and Ive been hearing some skeething stuff on them as a whole) but wow other sites Ive frequented the white guys are out for black women and ethinic woman and DO NOT care about what society friends and (surprisingly of all) family have to say.
Yes I have and do date outside my race. Come on now Eda even though youre 44 im pretty sure knowing the skin were blessed with that you look 24! So you might want or HAVE to lower you age preferences for the guys who think youre younger on first view of your profile ;0)
Michael Mar 3rd 2009 at 10:29 pm 58
Having read forums on PlentyOfFish.Com , I have read disturbing comments from white men who put down white women, and refuse to date them because of character deficiencies that they allege white people share. And yet, they never ask themselves why anyone would date them if white people shared these character deficiencies.
JerseyGirl Mar 4th 2009 at 10:29 am 59
Is it really “racist” to not want to date someone of a certain ethnicity? It’s it about preferences? My Indian girlfriend married a white man and my white girlfriend loves asian men. Go figure. I prefer Austrailians..does that make me racist? They make my little heartbeat.
Sayanta Mar 4th 2009 at 04:17 pm 60
A personal observation of mine has been that people tend to be more polite to opposite sex members of another race- whether this has to do with political correctness, I don’t know. And of course there are exceptions- a skinhead’s probably not going to be nice to me.
But this factor plays a role in people dating outside their race. At least it has for me.
Samis Mar 4th 2009 at 08:44 pm 61
As a male of Indian descent I’d say Sayanta’s view is mostly true when it comes to “traditional” Indian men – meaning those who’re either first generation, and especially recently emigrated. But I think that’s mainly true for most first generation men from any culture that isn’t Western European based (i.e. you can say that about Russian, East Asian, Middle East, etc to varying degrees.)
For the second generation it’s a bit tricky because their attitudes are a lot more “American” when it comes to gender. Plus many earlier immigrants went into professions like medicine and engineering, and lived in upper middle class neighborhoods. So their dating preferences tended to reflect the majority population of men and women depending on which way you go. Why that is is something for the anthropologists to discuss.
Of course to say that American men are the least sexist males on Earth is probably an overstatement. It really depends on the individual.
A-L Mar 5th 2009 at 10:40 am 62
Re: JerseyGirl’s #59
I don’t like to put the “racist” label on anyone, and in terms of someone’s dating habits, it’s a very touchy, personal issue. But there’s a part of me that thinks it is racist if you categorically refuse to date (or even consider dating) every single individual of a particular race or ethnic group, simply because of their race. I understand that we all have preferences about what our mate looks like. And stereotypes exist because many people within a group (be it gender, race, geographic location, etc) have those similarities. But I don’t like those blanket statements being made and ruling everyone out.
For instance, my dad emmigrated from a Caribbean nation in the 60s and he has a very patriarchal, traditional, and somewhat chauvinistic view of how male/female relationships should work. Most people from that part of the world are the same way. However, one of his good friends is totally different in terms of helping with housework and having a much more egalitarian perspective. If I ruled out all immigrants (or immigrants from more traditional societies) then I would miss out on someone totally great who does have what I’m looking for. (By the way, I have no interest in hooking up with my dad’s friend, just using this as an example.)
The same thing goes for purely racial (appearance) issues. I might have a preference for Middle Eastern/Hispanic/Indian looking men, but there are individuals of every race who just make your mouth water, and you’d be happy to go out and marry any of them.
Basically, I think it’s okay to have preferences, but don’t make it an unbreakabe rule.
Chen Mar 24th 2009 at 12:34 pm 63
Women who refused to date their own race are driven by the hatred they have for the things they can not change about themselves. Such as ethnic appearance, education background, family wealth etc. By reaching a “higher” race, it make them fulfill more self-worth. It’s a intricate and complex subject, but strip it down far enough, this is what it is, low self esteem combined with false ideology mix with some media brain washing.
I heard a lot of Asian women complain there is no good Asian men because most of them are shy, introverted, nerdy, unfit. etc but yet most of the time when I spot a AW/WM couple, the man is always nerdy, bald average looking. I have never seen a Asian woman out with a Brad Pitt or Keanu Reeves look like. I think Asian woman simply WANT to believe these stereotypes are true and use them to convince themselves that there is no need to give an given Asian men a second look.
starthrower68 Mar 24th 2009 at 03:16 pm 64
A white woman is only a trophy if she’s not a plus-sized white woman; at least that is what I have observed. A woman could be successful, smart, accomplished, and have a heart of gold, but if she is seen as not being a valuable person. Of course I’m not making a blanket statement about every man, but it’s true of the majority.
And women of all races are beautiful. All women are beautiful in their own way. Just because it doesn’t fit some ideal or standard doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Michael Mar 24th 2009 at 05:42 pm 65
I heard a lot of Asian women complain there is no good Asian men because most of them are shy, introverted, nerdy, unfit. etc
Most likely because good Asian men do not want women (of any race) who are shy, introverted, nerdy, unfit, etc.
Maybe if those women ought to stop being shy, introverted, nerdy, unfit, etc. they will find many more good Asian men.
trackfield Mar 30th 2009 at 10:13 pm 66
This Milenia is not Eastern European. You sound like a fat whale American woman since you want tall men.
CaramelExec May 5th 2009 at 06:16 pm 67
As I read all the comments, #62 (A-L) wrote how I have thought in my years of dating. A man who falls in love with a woman, and vice versa, whether inside or outside their race, is a natural thing. Attractions are very common, and love does make things happen.
I am a 32-yo black male account executive. I travel all over the US. I have dated all races of women through the internet other than Asian and Indian, and I think it’s because I have not met one interested in dating me (due to race? who knows!). I ask ladies the same question “What do you like about me?”, they gave me a lot of inner qualities, though almost all said they did rate/judge me on my appearance AT FIRST.
I see many different IR matches, and geography does play a part, except when people are in college. My take is: people who have either traveled abroad or have a biracial background/heritage/legacy are more open to IR dating, because they adapt to their surroundings (travel) or their racial “chain” is not just one (heritage).
I personally think it is irrational for women and men alike to say, “I will never date a (fill in the race) man/woman” strictly because of what other people have said or what they have heard over forms of media (like word of mouth, TV, etc), and especially if they have never dated that race before. Many stereotype folks simply because they just don’t know. I think the phrase goes, “Don’t knock it until you have tried it!” Parents used to say that about different foods: why can’t some say that about dating different races?
BigKahuna Jul 28th 2009 at 11:03 am 68
I agree with this article. I am an asian and I travel across the country. White women are the most racists when it comes to Asians. In their opinion, since they are accepting to black men; they are open to all races.
Black woman, on the other end, one needs a sledge hammer to break the ice. But they are the same with all men including black men.
Hispanic is all about the green card …
However, I cannot say the same in Europe. I was amazed; i went for a burger and ended up closing the joint. Of all my travels, i always have the most incredible dates in Europe.
valmont Jan 17th 2010 at 01:41 am 69
that is not called racism. racism is the HATRED of other races.
This is called choices, ex: women almost ALWAYS want a guy who is taller, you can’t force them to choose otherwise.
For me, I would never date a women with a size A breast for example. that’s life.
katie Mar 4th 2010 at 06:04 pm 70
white girl speaking! i had a tumultuous yet loving relationship with my ex of three years, who was black/mexican. my current boyfriend is chinese-american, and despite the criticisms you may have heard about asian men, he really does bring the passion. :3
Jink Mar 13th 2010 at 01:23 pm 71
I am an Asian man and I see that times are changing. 10 years ago, I hardly find one Asian male/white female couple in the streets. Now I see it more (in L.A. and San Francisco area), but still not a lot. I see it in Seattle too. But, in NYC, I hardly see one Asian male/white female couple based on my ‘limited’ travel there.
I am into Latin women and I got to say they are even more close minded about Asian men than white women are (based on my experiences). They are very into your looks and build and very blunt about it. The funny thing is that the Latin women in Mexico (based on my travel there) and recent immigrants to USA are very open to Asian men, while it is the US born or raised ones who are close minded (possibly due to American media and hip hop influences). Latina women in Texas are very open to Asian men (from my travel there) whereas NYC Latin women are not. Californian Latin women are in between (the immigrant and lower class ones are approachable, but the Americanized ones who are into hip hop are not).