The Love U Pyramid of Love

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I don’t know about you, but I’m a lifelong learner.

My wife even mentioned it in our wedding vows – I’m the guy who is always trying to become a better husband, father, coach, businessman, and human being.

As such, I’ve embraced the idea that learning is a process – often, a slow and humbling one.

  •      You have to learn to put your face in the water before you become a competitive swimmer.
  •      You have to practice your scales before you can play a song on the piano.
  •      You have to study for the LSAT before you become a partner at the law firm.

None of this is surprising. You start with a limited base of knowledge, and, through repeated practice, build your skills up accordingly.

In the late ‘60’s, this learning process was described as “the four stages of competence”:

  1.    Unconscious incompetence – “you don’t know what you don’t know.”
  2.    Conscious incompetence – you know what you don’t know, but aren’t sure how   to do it.
  3.    Conscious competence – you know how to do it, but the skill requires      concentration and commitment.

When you’re consciously competent, you can legitimately call yourself a swimmer, a pianist or a lawyer. However, there’s one more phase of competence for those who aim higher.

  1.    Unconscious competence – your skill is second nature and do it without thinking.

If you’ve been at your job for over ten years, you’re probably “unconsciously competent” at it. As a dating coach for the past fifteen years, I’d like to think that describes me as well.

If you’ve been at your job for over ten years, you’re probably “unconsciously competent” at it. As a dating coach for the past fifteen years, I’d like to think that describes me as well.

But could I be a swimmer, pianist or lawyer just because I’m somewhat athletic, coordinated and logical?

No way!

And that’s where I want to begin today before I share my Pyramid of Love with you.

Contrary to what most people believe, love isn’t something that happens when you least expect it.

Finding and creating lasting love is a skill set, like programming, medicine, or interior design.

The more you focus on dating and relationships, the more competent you get.

If you’re like many of my readers, you may spend 40-50 hours a week working, 10 hours a week at the gym, yoga, and TV, and 0 hours a week actively learning about healthy relationship dynamics.

That’s not an attack on you, just an observation about how most people use their time. You put more energy into things that provide the greatest reward –work and leisure.

And if that’s the case, should it be surprising that you’re better at your career than you are at love?

I don’t think so.

According to the 4 stages of competence, when it comes to dating you’re currently somewhere between “unconscious incompetence” and “conscious incompetence.”

Sorry to say it like that. Sounds harsher than I want it to. But in the light of day, you have to admit:

You don’t know what you don’t know. And even if you do know what you’re doing wrong, you’re not too confident in your ability to make it right.

That’s why I offer you so much free information – to show you – in as gentle a fashion as possible – that you may be unconsciously engaging in some negative relationship patterns.

Now, to further your education – and move you closer to conscious competence – I want to share one of the most powerful pieces I’ve ever written: the Pyramid of Love.

Like the four stages of competence, the Pyramid of Love highlights how my Love U course builds from one section to the next.

Love U is comprised of six pillars of success: Confidence, Meeting Men, Dating, Understanding Men, Relationships and Commitment.

Once you’re confident, you’re ready to meet men.

Once you’re meeting men, you have to master the art of dating.

Once you’re dating, you need to fully understand men.

Once you understand men, you’ll be capable of having a healthy relationship.

Once you have a healthy relationship, you’ll be able to assess whether he’s worthy of your commitment.

Now that you understand the process, I want to share six tips from Love U that will take you from confidence to commitment in the next six months.

Without further ado,click here to enjoy the Love U Pyramid of Love, and share with a girlfriend who may need a dose of hope and optimism today.

Thanks again for trusting me with your love life. I look forward to hearing more about your success in coming weeks as I share more information with you and open the doors to Love U in a few weeks.

Warmest wishes and much love,

Your friend,

Evan

P.S.The Love U Pyramid of Love will to take a while to read, so please allot yourself a chunk of time to go through all six pieces of advice. If you think it’s powerful, please share it on Facebook with the single women who need to hear these vital messages, too.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Noone45

    That’s  a well formatted piece. Good writing too. Not applicable to me, but it looks useful for most women, I think.

  2. 2
    Lauren

    Hey Evan, The Love U Pyramid of Love is fantastic, thanks for all you do!

    I noticed in Part 03: Dating and in one of your previous blog posts, that having sex with the guy you’ve been seeing for a month is listed before he wants to commit to you and become exclusive:

    He wants to sleep with you; he offers a condom. You say yes.

    He wants to commit to you and become exclusive. You say yes.

    I’m a strong believer in your advice about “sexclusivity,” and wanted to be sure that I understand the timeline correctly. In my mind, I would have those two events reversed. Thanks in advance!

    1. 2.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Great catch, Lauren. You’re probably right. I should go back and edit it!

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