You’re About to Learn the Real Reason a Man Will Suddenly “Disappear” from Your Life…
Even if He Seemed Into You or Told You He Loved You…
And the Secret to Not Only Keeping a Man Totally Hooked But Making Him Feel That He Never Wants to Leave

“Without your help, I never could have imagined that I could be in a relationship like this one.”

Before I learned about you, I was in a place where I had no trouble meeting men, but had come to realize that I was meeting the men who were not good for me. In the past, I always had pressure from my parents and friends to get married. After I had done that, I knew that I was not in the right place. 17 years later, and after a lot of difficulty, I was divorced and looking for a person with whom to share my interests and just have fun. I wanted to get past the pain and anger and move on.

I realized that I wanted to have another relationship, but I needed to choose a different type of person. How would I be able to do this?

You inspired me. You repeatedly said that I should not reject anyone just because he was different than the type of people I had dated before. You encouraged me to give everyone a chance and just see how it goes. So I decided to try that.

Being open allowed me to talk with so many people about different topics and date without trying to "find a relationship". It was strange at first; then it was wonderful! I began focusing on how I felt with that person; did I like what he brought out in me, etc.

It was during this period that I was introduced to a man by a male friend of mine. He started talking to me about selling his house when it had been on the market for quite a while. I finally looked up the stats and called him with my personal approach. His house sold within 2 weeks! He then called and took me out for dinner to thank me. We had a wonderful time and enjoyed our conversation tremendously.

That was the beginning. He then told me that he wanted to see me often and talk on the phone often. I agreed to go along with this, and our relationship continued to move forward easily. It has now been about 9 months and even though there have been a few hiccups along the way, he is always reaching out for a solution. He is the one telling me that he wants our relationship to last a lifetime! I am still amazed at how we talk and figure out what works for us! (He still tells everyone that we have been dating for 2 years but that it took him a year to get me to give him my phone number!!)

Your words, including the information in your e-book, have given me a new perspective. There is no doubt that men and women will never think alike. But we all like to laugh and laughter reduces stress. We try to use this when we talk about serious issues and take a little space before we discuss these issues again. This seems to have allowed us the insight into figuring out what happened and how each of us interpreted the situation differently, giving us the opportunity to plan ahead in the future.

Without your help, I never could have imagined that I could be in a relationship like this one. I'm in my 60's and expected that I would not have a committed relationship again. I'm still dealing with issues internally of fear and past experiences, as is he. But we can talk about these things and know that we have something special.

Thank you Evan. I continue to reach out for your insights and advice and share the newsletters with many of my friends who are looking for something different in their relationships too.

Warm regards,

“I have read it 10 times already, and keep revisiting it every time I begin to even hint at a moment’s insecurity.”

Hi there, the man in my life was forever disappearing, we fell in love 3 years ago, it was a flurry of activity and amongst the love poems he was writing for me, the attention and the fun we were having it all went terribly sour when his estranged wife found out about me, and he got thrown in to the depths of guilt and a sense of “doing right” for his children. I started to load pressure on, as I felt he “owed” me more than he was giving! After all we had been through so much together, had so much fun, even lived together for 7 months! I bought another on line dating guide, I wanted him and things back to the way they were. It didn’t work, and I played it by the book! This made me feel terribly insecure, and sent me spiralling in to coming across as needy, clingy with a sense of not being able to cope on my own.

I wanted to understand his perspective, I felt that I was a real catch, so why didn’t he want me, the way I wanted him? I felt I was easy going, fun to be with, open in the bedroom, helpful, a good listener, I would cook great meals, buy amazing presents, I literally couldn’t understand where I was going wrong!!

I learnt a massive lesson... I was a fixer, every time something went wrong, I would rise to the occasion and try to fix it! I would also chase, send that little email asking if he wanted to chat online, send silly little texts, and then get very upset when I didn’t get a reply, this in turn made me feel very insecure, and so I would “try” more! An endless cycle! I learnt to sit back and be chased, be open to his advances, and let him have the masculine energy...

Now I am in a situation where he chases me, when he reaches me, I am soft and warm and let my feminine charms go to work. I never ask for a date, or an online chat. I have the confidence now to show support but not try to fix the situation by offering LOTS of advice, and what to do’s! He wants a date; he asks and I say yes. He wants me to go over and spend the evening with him; I say yes. He wants to hold my hand and show me off; I say yes. Brilliant! Once you understand where men are coming from, which I would not have been able to do without the help of Why He Disappeared, it is very simple!

I have never felt so relaxed around him, he knows this and wants to spend more time with me. His choice! And I discovered that actually after a 20-year marriage where he was never able to make choices for himself, he actually quite likes to do this. I was talking to him last night, and he said to me (direct quote): “You have changed, you must have, because I can’t see how I could’ve missed seeing you in this light.” I told him, “No I haven’t changed, still the same me here.” He said, “Trust me, you have, I see you differently, you are beautiful inside and out, and I don’t regret one moment in time that I spend with you, not one!”

This was one of the best investments I have ever made, a very powerful programme. I have read it about ten times already, and plan to keep revisiting it, every time I begin to even hint at a moment’s insecurity. Thank you so much Evan.

“Thank you, Evan, for enlightening me, having faith in women, and being honest with what 'is'!!”

Evan, I've been searching for a loving partner since the end of my third marriage in 2006 and have experienced 5 years of repeating the exact same thing: attracting the wrong men (the same type I married three times), disappointed in my choices (emotionally unavailable men), and the continual wondering what am I doing wrong (why me?). Why wouldn't any man want a vibrant, successful, loving woman, such as myself. I'm in shape. I'm cute, like a girl-next-door. Yet, I kept putting myself in the wrong position, which wasn't doing me any favors.

I felt I needed a better understanding of how men think. After listening to "Why He Disappeared" I also realize, I didn't know what they think.

The one most important lesson I learned is STOP asking the "Why"!!! Like a woman, I needed to know why. I asked my friends. I discussed with myself, over and over and over again. I was so focused on the why, I couldn't get past it. I was obsessed with it. Come to find out, the "why" only proves someone wrong. Besides, as you so humorously pointed out, the answer really doesn't matter. I loved the examples given to answer the question why he disappeared. The few you made up made me laugh. Ultimately, the answer to my worrying about why men left me was so simple. If I focused so much energy on the previous man, I would never be open to the next man...never.

The result of learning about giving up the search for “why” is losing the worry, the wringing of the hands, the wondering if he will call, and all the stress and sadness that goes with the worry. Although you pointed out the obvious to someone who thought themselves connected, I realize this is just the first step in my transformation to becoming a woman that men will want to meet and stay with. Rather than focus all my energies on changing them, I will need to move that focus to me, stop controlling, and learn to enjoy the moment.

After listening to your audio, I felt so relieved. There wasn't anything wrong with me. I was doing what appeared to come naturally. My motto of 'just make it work' was making me wrong. When that happened, I felt helpless in my relationships.

I, now have, a renewed interest in finding the partner for me and am giving the 'giving up the control' a sincere effort. It is difficult after 55 years of life to look at relationships differently, but I am willing to put in the work, trust my instincts, and forget the 'why'!!!

Thank you, Evan, for enlightening me, having faith in women, and being honest with what 'is'!!

Your forever follower,

“Evan's Guide Showed Me What I WAS DOING WRONG”

Ouch!!!! That hurt. I mean really, really hurt. I read the entire book in one sitting. Reading Why He Disappeared was like reading my own personal dating history replete with failures. Except this time, I have the opportunity to get it right.

I just told my boyfriend of 3 months (yes, he does all of the things on the checklist) that I totally trust him...and that was the night before WHD went on sale. This came as the result of another single, mutual friend of ours trying to sabotage our relationship. It made us stronger. It made me anxious to buy Evan's book. I am a successful, independent, African American attorney. I live in Memphis, TN which, among other issues, does not have the greatest reputation for being a place where singles can live, thrive, and DATE.

I am now dating a wonderful and successful African American man whose devotion to me never ceases to amaze me. We are both in our late 30s (I am 37 and he is 36), and yes, I do want children someday. Neither one of us have children.

Although, I am in a relationship, I found the advice on page 35 of the book regarding what men want to be highly enlightening. I too believed that just being beautiful (I am often told this by men and women alike), successful, financially stable, secure, confident, and a great cook, would cause me to have men lined up down the street and around the corner--not so. I blamed it on the "shortage of dateable/marriagble black men". I blamed it on the fact that most of the men I date have not acquired the success (nor the financial stability) I have, and they are intimidated. Evan's guide showed me what I WAS DOING WRONG.

When my guy called last night (he works in corporate America and travels with his position), we talked, I giggled softly, I did not indict him for his perceived flaws, he asked if I minded cooking lasagna for him when he returns this weekend, I obliged. When we hung up the phone, I COULD FEEL THE SHIFT. He called me back before going to sleep thanking me for being supportive of him.

We have been friends since we were 16, and yes, I do LOVE this man. Thanks to you, Evan, I now have a fighting chance with this relationship before knocking myself out of contention. No, I do not know whether I will marry him, but if even my excuses about the shortage of men of my ethnicity could be dissolved by reading your book, then ANY woman's excuses should dissolve just as rapidly.

THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS GIFT WITH THE WORLD.

“I've Found A Sense of Peace Around My Dating That I’ve Never Had Before...”

Before reading "Why He Disappeared," I would put a lot of hope and expectation into every encounter and into any new guy I’d start to date. This inevitably led to big disappointment when things didn’t work out. Earlier this year, I found myself at my wit’s end — once again left wondering what went wrong, or what I did wrong, after another non-starter relationship. And that’s when I contacted you...and what led to my breakthrough.

Actually, you broke through to me by helping me shift my perspective. It took a while... but I finally get what you mean when you talk about letting go of control. More specifically, letting go of trying to control what I can’t control — namely, anyone other than myself. Letting go has given me confidence. It’s given me choice. But, most of all, it has set me free. From anxiety (will he call/care/commit?). From worry (why isn’t he calling/caring/committing?). And from self-doubt (what am I saying/doing wrong?).

By letting go I’ve found a sense of peace around my dating that I’ve never had before. I now know not every date I go on has to, or will, mean something. And instead of sweating the "what does it all mean?!" stuff, I’m focused only on having fun and being a fun date. It’s been working for me and it appears to be working for my dates. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s a snippet from an email I received the morning after a recent date I went on:

"I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed spending a few hours with you yesterday. Your down-to earth attitude and easy-going demeanor made me feel at ease. I hope we can meet again and pickup where we left off."

Thank you so much for giving me the jump start I needed to get going...and to keep going!”

“Ever Wished You Could Take A Guy For A Beer and Pick His Brain?”

Ever wished you could take a guy for a beer and pick his brain about what real men think about dating and relationships? About what makes men fall madly in love with some women and completely vanish on others? Well, “Why He Disappeared” is even better, because it reads like a conversation with a good friend, but Evan just so happens to be a professional dating coach with all the answers you need to whip your love life into shape.

There are plenty of finger-wagging "gurus" out there who will dish out the tough love. But who wants lectures when you're confused and hurting? With a unique combination of charm, wit and wisdom, Evan delivers the message you need to hear to get the love you want. I wholeheartedly recommend this wonderful book.

“I Think I Found You Just In The Nick of Time.”

I wanted to give feedback about your new book. It is awesome! I have always struggled with the whole ''let the guy pursue you'' concept. From a woman''s perspective, I always want to be up-front about my interest level, and thought that if I didn't show interest, the guy would move on. I am in the ''courting phase'' in my current relationship (yes, we met online).

Every fiber of my being wanted to e-mail my new guy today, just to let him know that I was thinking of him, etc. But after reading your book, I decided to take your advice and Don't. Do. Anything. It was grueling! (And, BTW, he had said to me casually a couple of times that ''it's all about the chase, don't forget that.'' ) BUT, hours later, he sent me a very sexy e-mail, then sent me a text message. And I followed your instructions, and responded happily to his e-mail and his text.

Now, the other part of the book that resonated with me was written by your wife, so you get no credit. Mr. Right has a big family ''birthday dinner'' on Sunday because 4 of his family members have birthdays within a few weeks. He did not ask me to attend this event. I was hurt at first, but after reading what your wife wrote, I understand that him not inviting me to this, has nothing to do with me.

We're going on a trip to Aruba next week. I think I found you just in the nick of time.

Many thanks, Evan!

Your advice is spot-on, and sometimes (from a female perspective) hard to swallow.

“The Result Was That I Let the Man of My Dreams Walk Right Into My Arms”

When I started reading WHD, I was hooked immediately. I felt so relieved to learn how to focus on men's behaviours instead of words, but especially, how to flatter and bring out the best in the men I was dating. This took the pressure off, made dating more fun, and was extremely effective at making men feel comfortable. As well, I learned a very important lesson about how to recognize the good things men were doing, which I often overlooked, and forgive their minor mistakes.

I applied Evan's approach and saw immediate results. Suddenly, I was in control - the men I were dating always called me back for another date. It was so easy! I felt like I was finally effectively showing who I was during these dates: comfortable, confident, and charming. I had so much more fun on dates because by learning how to make men feel appreciated and at ease, I really feel that I got to see the best side of them, too! Shortly after, I met a man I was very interested in but who had a very successful and busy life. Things moved slowly at first given his busy schedule. Eventually he told me I was irresistible and he had to be my boyfriend. We couldn't be happier!

I feel absolutely fantastic. There is no better feeling than knowing you are putting your best foot forward and are in control of your dating life, instead of the other way around. Using Evan's tools, I was able to effectively show men who I am, make them comfortable and at ease around me and wanting more. The result was that I let the man of my dreams walk right into my arms. It still feels surreal, it's so great!

“You Have Completely Changed My Life...”

So last week, I was SOOOOOOOOO in the dumps about how things were going, but this week I had such a major breakthrough! Man, you have just changed my life.

There’s this Brazilian Jiu Jitsu instructor. He is texting me 20 times a day....saying all sorts of sexy things about how he wants me all to himself... completely lavishing me with an addictive amount of attention that I ´m such a sucker for. I felt so obsessed with this guy I ´ve never met... simply because he had lavished me with tons of attention, he was hot... has his act together and I was in the throes of obsession land; mainly because he was pulling back a bit, and I was feeling "not good enough".

After reading your stuff, instead of obsessing about how I ´m not going to be good enough, I started thinking... "Y ´know... I ´m not sure I ´m ready to accept a potential relationship where I might be walking on eggshells". And I woke up feeling so FREEEEEE and in CONTROL. OMFG! I ´ve never EVER turned around obsessive thoughts about a man into a feeling of control.

That is all YOU, YOU, YOU! Wow! I can ´t believe it. I would ´ve been so caught up in his gesture of a "pretend commitment" before, that I would have been setting myself up for a huge fall! Because Mr. Jump-in-the-deep-end-head-first without knowing a person... jumps out of the pool just as quickly because it's based on NOTHING. He doesn ´t know me and I don ´t know him. As you said... he is seeing my POTENTIAL right now... not "Melissa".

Evan...you ´ve really changed my life. I just can ´t think of a bigger gift than having control over my emotions when it comes to dating. NOTHING. No amount of money... no amount of success would have been able to give me this. This is almost BETTER than finding Mr. Right... just knowing I now have control over something that I felt so powerless over for so many years. THANK YOU EVAN! You have completely changed my life... probably more than any one person ever has!

“You Got Through Like No One Else Has Ever Been Able To...”

I am so extremely grateful to you. I walked into two of my clients’ houses yesterday and they said, "What ´s his name?" because they said I was glowing and luminous. They ´ve only seen me look like that before when I was infatuated with a new man. But I now feel this way because a huge weight has been lifted and I have a new path and outlook for my future. Do you have any idea how huge that is? I hope I just gave you the compliment of the year because that is big stuff; to make that kind of a difference.

I ´ve already made changes and "cleaned house". There are a couple guys that still text me that before talking to you, I would occasionally go out with, simply because they ´re cute and funny, but they have big problems I overlooked before. I ´m no longer going to date them.

I just can ´t even tell you. I ´m a new person. You got through like no one else has ever been able to.

“If A Guy Isn ´t Acting The Way You Want, He ´s Not The Right Guy For You.”

You give great advice that takes 'He ´s Just Not That Into You' a step further. I especially liked your points about the pros and cons of smart, attractive women and the need to persevere. Conventional wisdom is often wrong, such as "it ´s a numbers game." If that were true, online dating would be easy.

After 8 years of dating in my 30 ´s following a divorce, I feel like an expert myself. I think singledom is an epidemic in our country. With about 100 million singles, something in our society isn ´t working and we need all the help we can get. One piece of advice you give to women who ask why men behave the way they do is that it doesn ´t really matter. If a guy isn ´t acting the way you want, he ´s not the right guy for you. Great advice!

“You Clarify and Simplify What Women Find Hard to Verbalize”

Everything you write rings with the truth and I "like" them all, meaning: you clarify and simplify what women find hard to verbalize. Your work is a practical, useful guide to successful dating and relationship management. It's like a light bulb lighting up over one's head.

“Succeeded In Finding A Truly Wonderful Man”

I read your book Why He Disappeared and thought it was excellent. I have followed to the best of my ability your advice and have succeeded in finding a truly wonderful man who actually, as he puts it, fell for me from the moment I walked into the restaurant. I could have found a million things wrong with him and why he wasn't the one for me but this time I took pause and reflected on what you said. What a wise move that was. I have finally selected a kind, compassionate and caring man, one who knows how to love another, not just himself. I will keep rereading your book to make sure I never slip into my old ways.

My best to you,

“For the First Time In My Life, I Have Not Morphed Into the Woman That A Man Wants Me To Be... He Loves Me For Who I Am.”

I just wanted to let you know how much you have helped me this year. I was getting into the dating pool again after a marriage that lasted less than 2 years, a LTR that lasted 18 years, but we stopped having sex after 8, and slept in separate bedrooms for the last 2, and a 7 yr. relationship that I thought would end in marriage, till I found out he was cheating.

I have to say, I fumbled a lot, and acted a little crazy when I first started dating again. All the things you talk about in your book, your blog, your teleconference, I did. I was the role model for girls guys hate to date!

I purchased your book, and then met a wonderful man. Against ALL my instincts, I did everything by the 'Evan book,' and it was very HARD! We are together after 10 months, and happily talking about a future together. For the first time in my life, I have not morphed into the woman that a man wants me to be ... he loves me for who I am.

A funny side note ... this time last year (pre-book purchase) I fell 'head over heels' for a guy ... he dumped me just after New Years. A few weeks later he had a change of heart. I was ecstatic, and readily welcomed him back into my life. Two weeks later ... gone. Yes, I repeated this one more time ... that's when I bought your book. So long story short ... we've played a round of golf together in the intervening months, but no other contact. Then I get a text from him telling me how he dreams about me, how he wishes he could do it all over, yada yada yada ... blah blah blah! BEST thing is, because of your advice, I can now see that for what it is, and ignore it, laugh about it, and go on. It wouldn't even matter that I am in a happy relationship now ... even without that, this 'not a future partner' would not get a chance.

So, great advice! You have truly changed my life, and in this season of giving, I just wanted you to know that!

Best wishes to you and your awesome wife (and soon to be awesome baby)!

“Something In Your Book Spoke To Me Like No Other Dating Coach Did”

I really feel like I gained a new respect for myself and realized that my past relationship was not working for me and hadn't for a long time. Something in your book spoke to me like no other dating coach did. Most dating coaches deal with what YOU can do to make the relationship better. Even my therapist did the same thing. From the time we are children we are told you will be successful at anything if you just try. That is not always the case in dating. While your book does provide skills for successful relationships, if the guy is a jerk, he's just a jerk. Your book gave me permission to evaluate the relationship for what it was and realize this is not the man for me and finally cut the tie as opposed to trying new ways to hang on to what wasn't worth hanging on to.

Today I feel confident in myself and my ability to have a good solid relationship. I have acknowledged my own mistakes. I am also confident in knowing when it's time to get out as opposed to staying and beating my head against a wall for a year. Your book has alerted me that regardless of how much love, understanding and acceptance I apply, it just is not going go fix someone that is a mess!

I have been seeing a nice gentleman. He lives an hour away. It's a good distance that allows me to learn to be me and do my own thing and gives him the same. I realize should the relationship grow closer, it may require more time together and less time with my girlfriends and I understand that. However, this relationship is moving at a very slow relaxed pace. It is exactly what I need right now. I will never be with a man that de-values me ever again. I know who I am and what I can bring to a relationship. Thanks to coaches like yourself, I feel like I can approach dating on a more cerebral level instead of just emotional. I've told myself that the next serious relationship I find myself in, my head and heart will be in sync!

Thanks Evan. You Rock!

“I HIGHLY Recommend This Book To All Women Who Want To Control Their Love Lives”

Hi Evan!

It's been about over a month since I've bought your book and I simply cannot thank you enough for how DRAMATICALLY you have changed my love life around!!!!!!

I'll admit it, I used to be absolutely clueless about the opposite sex and dating. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't get the men who liked me to stay in a relationship with me. I'd make up excuses like "Oh, he's just a dick who doesn't know better' and so on, but after reading your book, I realised my mistakes. Your book however showed me ALL the answers I had ever wanted to know!

I now have an AMAZING boyfriend who loves me. He calls me the perfect girlfriend and he rates me 15 out of 10. He told me that if he were to tell me all the things he loved about me, it would fill up my whole inbox =) He texts me first EVERYDAY and always wants to meet up with me. We never get bored of physical affection, EVER! We have make out sessions that last for hours, and the only reason they aren't longer is because of unavoidable commitments. He talks about us in the future, and wants our relationship to be a serious long-term one. He tells me that he loves me everyday, and he calls me beautiful.

I'm going to go a bit off track here, but you will see why. My boyfriend is the guy I had wanted since 2 years ago. He is my dream boyfriend, and the most decent guy I have EVER met. He is kind, funny, intelligent, logical, good looking and mild-tempered - pretty much everything you could ask for. Because of his excellent traits, he was chased by many women. Now here's the main point: Before buying this book, I thought to myself that there was no chance that I would ever be with him.. but what do you know now, that guy is now in love with me!! I'm so happy and I feel so blessed. He occasionally asks me 'what did you do to make me love you so much?', and I just reply with "I dunno" and laugh...

Seriously, I HIGHLY recommend this book to all women who want to control their love lives. I have been raving about it to all my girlfriends who are frustrated with the opposite sex. This book is an absolute joy to read and it's so good I bet you that you will finish it in only one day!! That's what I did! Also, I recommend you to take notes, and regularly revise over the notes, as the concepts Evan teaches may be difficult for your mind to absorb, as they were for me.

Once again Evan, thank you oh so so so much!! Thank you for helping me attract and keep the MAN OF MY DREAMS. I have NEVER been happier my whole entire life!!

“Your Book Really Helped Me To See Things From A Guy's Perspective...”

Over the last couple of years, I bought a few books which really helped me get my attitude straight and helped me to chill out about the whole dating process. However, they are all from a female perspective. I had got into a zone of "all or nothing"...and was sticking too hard and fast to the rules without any idea how I was potentially coming across. I wanted to get a male perspective and your regular email updates really connected with me - I wanted to find out more.

I learned that I need to give as well as take. I was expecting the guy to make ALL the moves without giving anything back and was wondering why he was holding back. Your book really helped me to see things from a guy's perspective and allowed me to let my guard down.

The funny thing is, I was at the point where I was going to end the relationship I was having. I've been seeing him for 7 months. One of the nicest and most respectful guys I've ever met (sexiest too!). But I felt that he was pulling away. I expected him to make all the moves and initiate all the contact without anything from me in return. I had the "I'm always busy, I have a great life, why do I need you..." vibe going on. So how could he feel needed?! Your book gave me the confidence to let my guard down a little bit. By giving him some encouragement it's totally changed things!!

I felt like I'd been a bit of an ice queen. And to think that I was at the point of letting him go!! Now I feel like I can let my guard down and let him in a little...something I've never done before. I'm 37. Never been in love. Never been married. Never been asked. But life is about choices and love is a choice too.

Thank you for your refreshingly honest advice.

“Out Of A Dozen Books That I Purchased, Yours Was The Most Crucial, Sensible, Definitive, Vital One”

Success story!!! All because if you! Two and a half weeks after my letter to the guy I've been seeing for 6 months, who treated me within the friends with benefits scenario, he chose the better of your options... he followed me. I was sure that it was going to be the end of everything. I was wrong. He did it in an indirect way, like returning something that I left at his house. I mirrored him, like you said. We went out to dinner tonight, and it was wonderful, after dinner we took a walk during which said he missed me, he kissed me and he asked me to go home with him. I said no. Then it started, we started talking about our situation that we avoided throughout the whole dinner. I told him basically the same things I wrote in the letter. It was easy. I wanted to meet his family. I wanted him to call me. I wanted to be in a real relationship with the man I was intimate with. He added, "Exclusive?" I said yes. Then he said, "Let's start over again." I am beyond belief how this whole thing turned out, Evan you are magic, and you made my brain listen to my heart and it all fit together. I wish I had a follow up book because this is going to be a tough act to follow. My move was so perfect. Thank you. Thanks a million. I am grateful and I want you to know that out of a dozen books that I purchased, yours was the most crucial, sensible, definitive, vital one.

“Following Your Advice Has Lead Me To A Relationship With A Man That Is Passionate, Funny, Caring, Supportive, and Loving”

After a passionate, exciting one-month relationship that ended in disappointment, I found your website and poured through your blogs. Each one was like this mixture of a slap in the face and a light bulb turning on in my head. An honest guy's point of view... no bullshit and a real realization of what guys like and what they don't put right in front of me. Now, I loved your site, but after my experiences with men, I didn't totally buy into it at first. There had to be some catch here.

Still, I downloaded Why He Disappeared, and started reading. I decided on a little experiment: instead of pushing the next guy out, I was going to follow your advice and let him in.

Two months later, being with Doug gives me this "this is how it should be" feeling. And looking back at the last guy, whom I dated for just a little shorter time, I can't help but see the drastic difference. I've learned to be secure and an un-needy confident girlfriend. I have found that anytime he says something that I find irrationally hurtful, I just smile, take a deep breath and remember what a loving, caring, wonderful man he has been to me and that he'd never intentionally hurt me. Whenever I feel insecure, needy, and like I want to talk to him about how he feels about me, I just look at him and remind myself that his actions and the way he's treated me is proof enough that he loves and cares about me.

Thank you for guiding me through this. I continually re-read Why He Disappeared to remind myself of how to be the best possible girlfriend to this amazing man. We haven't been together long, but just this short time of following your advice has lead me to a relationship with a man that is passionate, funny, caring, supportive, and loving. It's all I could hope for.

Thank you Evan.

“I Thought I Was Doomed To A Life Of Having Men Walk Away Without A Word For The Rest Of My Life”

Unmarried and 44. I thought I was doomed to a life of having men walk away without a word for the rest of my life. I am attractive, intelligent and active. I enjoy the world and this one department of my life (namely men) was a frustrating mystery.

I had long-term relationships where the men wouldn't commit. For the past two years I have been in love with a man who was aloof and distant. Perhaps, I thought to myself, I should be more laid back, less laid back, more witty, less witty, more forward, more direct, AND THEN he will love me.

Ah, then came Evan's tutorial....

I am free. I am happy and realized ways in which I was communicating ineffectively. I since said adios to the man that was aloof and have moved on to other exciting prospects who are calling frequently and following through on their words. Evan showed me ways in which I can actually lay back and enjoy the dating process and actually have men take control of the dating tempo (and boy do they ever!). Evan showed me that I really didn't want to be with the guy that was making me feel unsure of myself. That was the moment of freedom.

Thanks Evan, for showing me it's never too late to learn.

“I Feel That I No Longer Have To Be Someone That I Am Not”

I am 55 and ended an up and down relationship with a man who failed your boyfriend tests without question. I felt like a failure and did not know if I really wanted to start dating again. I needed to know how not to get into another situation with an unavailable man.

From Why He Disappeared, I learned that the things I thought were the most attractive about me were not the same as what a man would see. I needed to be reminded that I had a life and it was OK to live it. The biggest favor I could do for myself is to relax and enjoy being myself. I wish you had been around 25 years ago!

I am letting go of the guilt and anger from the ending of the relationship with this man. I have taken my share of the responsibility and now am willing to try again. I liked the phrase "emotional booty call". My relationship now seems like an endless emotional booty call with sex being another reason to keep the relationship going. I do not long to get back with him and know that I have learned a hard, but valuable lesson.

I feel that I have information to go back and read to guide me and support me when I have doubts and am tempted to accept unacceptable treatment and behavior. I feel that I no longer have to be someone that I am not. I have no desire to feel frustrated and angry again because I did not pay attention to the "red flags" before I got in over my head. It doesn't seem to matter how old you are, it still hurts when you know that you have wasted your time and energy on a relationship going nowhere.

Thanks!

“It Gave Me Hope...”

I am a 34 year old woman living and working in Houston, Texas. I ended an engagement five years ago and have not been in a serious relationship since. In five years I have been on countless first dates and can relate with so many of the women I read about on Evan's blog. The men that I want to see again never call, but those dates where I may need medication to get through ALWAYS call! Additionally, like most of the women on Evan's blog I am educated, successful and not hard to look at. Needless to say I was feeling frustrated when I purchased Why He Disappeared. I wanted to understand why men were not asking me out and if they did, why did they disappear after date number one? After some self-reflection I realized a couple of things. If I want a man to approach me I have to appear more open at events and on dates. I am naturally shy and that can come off as cold or aloof in an initial meeting or on a first date. I was also scared to flirt on dates, I thought that men would think I was coming on too strong.

Evan's advice made me realize that men enjoy flirting, they are flattered, they want to know you are interested in them and that sometimes contributes to getting a second date. I haven't had an opportunity to test out my newfound insights but realizing that it isn't all about me was such a relief. As women we are used to being sharp, sophisticated, well-dressed, well-spoken, and confident. We walk fine lines between being hated or respected, being beautiful or dumb. The career that was supposed to make us independent and fulfilled seems to be one of the major challenges to finding a successful relationship. It was nice to read that it isn't all about me, that I don't have to be perfect to get a date, I just have to be me. It gave me hope.

“I Was Devastated And Torn To Pieces, Blaming Myself For Being So Needy And Insecure”

Why He Disappeared has changed everything for me, I finally have come to understand what to do with the man I've been longing for and waiting for ever since he broke up with me two years ago. Every thing I've experienced with him is like a copy of all the stories other women have had with emotionally unavailable men that don't want to commit! Just like all the other women talked about in your book, this was a very "special man and we had such chemistry" but I was always feeling insecure and never able to really connect. He became being more and more withdrawn, avoided intimacy, both verbally and physically, and it always ended with him going away and me crying... until he broke up after living together. That is now two years ago. I was devastated and torn to pieces, blaming myself for being so needy and insecure.

But after being absolutely sure that we were meant for each other, after waiting for him to return, after making every excuse possible for his behaviour, after allowing him to visit me for a romantic "roll in the hay" once or twice a month... All this time also feeling like it was my fault that our relationship did not work out. Now I realize, from your book, that this man is not worth it. I should have let him go long before we actually broke up. I am so immensely grateful and happy that I bought your book!! It means the world to me to finally understand more about men and this one specifically! Now I am finally able to move on with my life and can stop worrying about me being such a failure in relationships. Now I know more about both men and myself and I know more about what I want and need to become happy. Thank you, Evan, for telling me, I highly recommend every woman to buy this book!

“You Have Touched On Some Things That the Other 'Relationship Coaches' Haven't...”

I have read over 7 different relationship books. I have learned a lot from them, but I have to tell you that I ordered your book yesterday and have read to page 57 so far. I went to a party yesterday, and tried one of the approaches you suggested in your book. I LITERALLY had every single man competing for my attention! One man in particular (way cute), when I left to say good bye, couldn't let go of me, and when it took me a few minutes to make my way to the door, ran in for another long hug, which again, he couldn't let go. Then after I left, and got no more than 15 paces, he actually came running out to catch me and walk me to my car. Again another hug and a lingering kiss on my cheek. He told me he had the best time he'd had in months talking to me, and that he couldn''t stop smiling and that his cheeks hurt. He said he was so happy he met me!

I had never considered myself hard to talk to, but since I had my daughter and am a single mom, my self-esteem and my self-proclaimed datability, became hard. After ending a long term FWB situation, where the man said he just didn't see me as 'relationship' material. My self-esteem plummeted even more. I confess in has been hard for me to just smile, just because I can.

Also, I caught myself twice doing the old “listen, but then tell my story of the same thing”, and I noticed it changed his energy towards me. Now I realize NOT to share my stories right after I am told one - JUST like you said! It takes away from their sharing with me, and makes it seems as if I am competing. Luckily I saved the conversation both times, by immediately backtracking and asking him a question about where he left off and abandoning my story. There will be other times to share my story - down the road if we become friends or something more.

Anyhow, I wanted to let you know that you have touched on some things that the other 'relationship coaches' haven't, and I really appreciate it. I felt so relaxed last night, and even my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. I felt like I didn't have to do a thing to attract these men. Two of them actually felt comfortable talking amongst themselves about how they see women - right in front of me! I felt like a sister of many brothers, and it was really cool.

Thanks a bunch,

“Now I feel empowered and I am glad to be free of him, to find the one who will love me without question.”

I bought “Why He Disappeared” when I knew that I needed to understand what would make my ex treat me so callously, to clearly not want a future together, and yet say that he loved me all along and kept me connected to him even though he has a new girlfriend.

I learned, through reading “Why He Disappeared”, that because of the fact that he did not commit to me, I really didn't want him back. I realized that I needed to find the man who would love me unconditionally for who I am, not for who he wanted me to be. I realized that after all, he really didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about him.

While I was still in pain for a while after that realization (no one wants to be told that the person you love isn't that into you), it helped me to finally let go of him and learn a hard painful lesson. I think I had still been hoping that he would come to his senses and come back to me begging to take him back, that he had made a mistake and wanted to commit to me after all ... silly now, I know.

I think I had been putting his feelings ahead of mine for so long that I was still doing it even after we had broken up, and when I realized that he really didn't care all that much for how I felt, it was easier to break the ties. Now I feel empowered and I am glad to be free of him, to find the one who will love me without question.