Sep07

If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.

08:23 am on Sep 7th 2007 Evan Marc Katz

Finding the One Online is a comprehensive, life-changing program that covers everything I teach my clients about online dating. If you want to get your love life on track and aren't sure where to start, Finding the One Online is the best investment you can make.

232 Comments »Filed Under Online Dating Tips & Advice, Uncategorized

232 Responses to “If You Are Short, Fat, Older or An Asian Man, You Must Read This. But Especially If You’re Short.”

1. lady anonymous Sep 7th 2007 at 09:26 am 1

   Honestly? It’s because I like to feel small next to a guy. I’ve been insecure about my weight my whole life. A tall, broad man does wonders for making me feel dainty next to him.

2. Sam Sep 7th 2007 at 09:32 am 2

   I agree that short men have it very, very hard. The discrimination short men face is more unfair than the discrimination overweight women face since no one has any control over his/her height and being short, unlike being overweight, being short does not mean you are physically incapable of things.

   One question I have is why women find it so easy to make a guy feel self-conscious about his height. I’m 5′8” and several women have admitted – before our date = they have reservations about my height, asking me questions like “are you really 5′8”?” I would NEVER make a woman feel bad because of her height or weight, so I do not understand why many women do not give shorter-than-average men the same consideration.

3. Jaya Sep 7th 2007 at 09:39 am 3

   I’m 5′6.5″ and average weight. Like lady anonymous said, a taller man’s body makes me feel more feminine by comparison.

   Conversely, when a man is short enough to nestle into my chest, it feels oddly like having a child in my arms. My ex was about 5′9″ and it was hard to shake that feeling of being a mommy when he’d cuddle into me.

   The unspoken thing that vexes me sometimes is how women who are much shorter than me, say 5′ – 5′3″ will only date men who are +6′. What’s up with that? Jeez ladies– Leave some of the really tall guys for us taller women. Why won’t you date the guys who are still a good 5″ taller than you?

4. timotea Sep 7th 2007 at 09:40 am 4

   Most short guys I know have wicked Napoleon complexes. It may be subconscious or not, but they tend to overcompensate by being overbearing, sanctimonious know-it-alls who are often bitter about women. I feel for them just like I would for an obese woman, but pushiness in a short man tells me he hasn’t gotten over his height and is a major turnoff.

5. Jessica Sep 7th 2007 at 09:45 am 5

   My friend “T” likes short guys — because she’s 5 foot 5, 108 pounds, with basically no curves at all and has always been super skinny. She likes short guys because they aren’t twice her size.

   Along the same lines, most women may not be into short guys because it makes them feel big and heavy. There’s such a strong emphasis on women being small — mostly thin, but also petite — so maybe if it was okay for women to be any other size it would be okay for men too. If a guy is going to outweigh me (I’m 5 foot 6, mid 140s) yet not be fat, he’s probably going to be a few inches taller than I am.

   Come to think of it, I know a woman who is 5 foot 9 and has dated men shorter than I am. In that situation, both parties have to have TONS of self confidence and not really give a damn about how other people are perceiving them. Because he kinda looks short and she kinda looks like a giant.

6. a&v Sep 7th 2007 at 11:11 am 6

   In line with the others, I’d have to say that as a tall woman (I’m 5′11″) I enjoy being shorter (and smaller) than my guy. However, most of my boyfriends have been an inch or two shorter than me. One of the things I look for in a man is confidence, and even if he’s 5′7″ and loves himself as he is (without any cockiness or napolean complexes) sure, I’d go out with him. (Though it would help if he were a stocky fellow, in that case.) Unfortunately for men like Tom, 5′3″ might be too extreme for me (and 5′11″ for him–especially since I love wearing heels). In the dating world I am “discriminated against” plenty for my height but I have no problem with it. Preferences are preferences, fair or not, and if a man can’t get past my statuesque externals, I don’t want him anyway. Here’s to all of us still looking and best of luck to Tom!

7. Jura Sep 7th 2007 at 11:13 am 7

   I was in a relationship with a shorter (than me) man. It was great! We were both normal weight, probably both with some “baby fat”. The feeling of being a woman next to a man never left me for a second while with him. On the contrary, I think he despised my high heels (although he never commented on that) – and I like high heels, so I never asked if he feels bad about them (well if it was my wedding day I’d probably go on flats and give some heels to him!).

   Why? I am European. In Europe. There is something wrong with the U.S. in this regards, don’t know what. Like shame of nudity in changing rooms – that’s quasi impossible to understand on this side of the pool.

8. LAnie Sep 7th 2007 at 11:25 am 8

   SO, there are a number of reasons that women are not as attracted to shorter men: Since I’m not so sure the other ladies have the guts to say it:

   there’s something disturbing about going out with a guy who is eye level with my chest. It’s that whole Oedipus complex issue. We know you guys like breasts, so to have a guy who has even easier access to looking at them ALL the time is creepy. Then there’s the issue of intimacy. I enjoy being face to face with a lover and if he’s that much shorter, it’s a bit of a mood killer having his face buried in the fun bags constantly. And that’s comin’ from a girl who enjoys a little attention in that area.

   Then there’s the issue of fashion: Most of us love the way our Choos or Manolos make out legs look long and toned, even if we can’t walk after going out on a date with them! Incidentally, it also gives us a little more height, thus creating the need for a taller guy if the premise previously mentioned holds true for most of us women.

   SO it’s not that dating men who are shorter that is the problem. It’s dating men that are much shorter that is the hurdle. So, to the short guys out there: There are plenty of short girls. Stick within 2 inches of your height and you should be just fine.

   As a side note: I’m 5’9. I am currently dating a man who is 5’8. I specifically asked him if he cared about my love for heels and if he did, he’d have to get over it! There are those of us out there who don’t care but we’re a small portion of the population. Oh, and prior to 5’8 guy my last boyfriend was 6’9. So the same difficulty can be said for a guy who is unusually tall. Your dating pool is just going to be smaller.

   AS for the other items (fat, bald Asian…) IF you’re fat;start working out. It’s only fair that you are seeking out someone with the same level of fitness as you. If I’m taking care of my body, I would expect the same in a partner.

   If you’re bald: shave it all off. Don’t fight it. Embrace the baldness. It’s sexy. And it’s not that big a stigma anymore. and for god sakes, SKIP the hair implants. They look awful.

   If you’re Asian: this is NOT a disadvantage. You are the largest population in the world (all nationalities combined!). There are plenty of women for you to date…if you prefer Asian women. If you prefer white women, then you’re dating pool is smaller. Only a certain percentage (I don’t claim to know what it is) of white women will consider dating outside their race so again, the same senitment rings true: your dating pool is just going to be smaller.

9. Cam Sep 7th 2007 at 05:01 pm 9

   I’m 5′9.5″ (though people say I look taller) with an atheletic build. I dated a 6′ guy who looked scared of me when I wore heels, I did try wear flats around him but that felt unfair.

   I recently dated a guy who claimed he was 6′6″ but I’m almost certain he was more like 6′9″ and that felt awkward. I’m used to being one of the tallest people in the room and it just felt odd being dwarfed by a guy. Not being able to sneak a kiss without a running jump – not my idea of fun.

   The shortest guy I’ve dated was 5′8″. There is something about a guy gazing down at you (in my case, as long as it’s not from too far up!) that would feels great, it would take a lot of getting used to if the guy was significantly shorter and I had to be the one looking down. I don’t know if I could do it…

   I’m also an avid ballroom/social dancer so the ability to spin me without smacking my head is a huge plus, that usually requires a guy to be about eye level or taller. Maybe it’s a pipe dream and one of the reasons why I’m alone on a Friday night but I’d like to find a guy with a sense of rhythm who “fits” me on the dance floor. I think the rhythm requirement eliminates more people than the height one

   Jaya, I hear you on the petite women that are only after 6′+ men. It has to go both ways though – I have a 5′10″ female friend who had what seemed like an amazing connection with a 6′5″ guy, however he couldn’t get past the fact that she was over 5′6″ (the max height his profile stated). Some (or many?) men enjoy that huge size differential.

10. Cam Sep 7th 2007 at 05:10 pm 10

    Just for the record, I didn’t break up with the 6′9″ guy because of his height (he dumped me for non-size related incompatibility issues).

11. Sally Sep 8th 2007 at 07:53 am 11

    Count me in with the ladies who don’t want to weigh more than the guy I’m dating. But, that being said, I have dated men shorter than me, and it really doesn’t bother me. What counts in the long run is how they treated me… and that was always wonderful. I am with a guy now who is not much taller than me, and close in height does give a wonderful “fit” during intimate times!

12. BeenThruTheWars Sep 8th 2007 at 08:35 am 12

    My first husband was 5′6″ and 130 pounds soaking wet (runner with a small frame). I’m 5′5″ and muscular (freakishly strong for a woman when working out regularly) and also overweight; I always felt like a horse next to him, and when I did his laundry, folding his tiny T shirts and underpants… it was like folding a child’s clothing. Just really killed any sexual desire on my part, which was minimal to begin with. He was a great guy in a lot of other ways, which is why I married him, but that piece was always missing for me.

    As for the Napoleonic complex thing: he was very even tempered and rational until he got behind the wheel of a car — can you say road rage? Apparently having control of several tons o’ steel with which to be aggressive is the great equalizer. It got to the point where I didn’t want to be in a car when he was driving. So when I divorced him after 10+ years (mainly because of the missing sex/affection/passion piece) I vowed, no more guys who were self-conscious about their stature, whatever it was.

    My next relationship was with a guy who was 5′9″ and told people he was 5′10″; so he was a little insecure about it obviously, but he was the perfect height/size for me. My next relationship after that was with a guy who was 6′4″; then with one who was 6′6″ — both way too tall for me. I could only kiss them properly if I was standing on the first step of a staircase. I got a stiff neck from craning my head up all the time to look at them. My new husband is 6′2″ which is still a smidge too tall for my taste, but he’s a keeper in every other way.

    He sometimes teases me for being unable to reach something because I’m short and I say, “Listen, buster… the average American woman is 5′4″ tall. I’m 5′5″ tall, which makes me slightly above average in height. The average American man, on the other hand, is 5′10″ tall. You, my friend, are the pituitary freak around here, not me.” We always get a chuckle out of that. It’s a turn on for him when I wear heels, which I dislike, but I occasionally indulge him. We do feel better matched, walking together, when I have 3″ heels on, but it’s a pretty minor note in the grand scheme of things.

    I will say this: I once stood in an airport security line in L.A. and a guy struck up a conversation with me… man, was the chemistry UNBELIEVABLE. He was totally hot looking, blond, off to Hawaii on a diving trip. We flirted for the duration then went our separate ways. That was the day I realized, OHH, yeah… I could totally date a guy his height. Which was? Well, he came up to my chin and I’m 5′5″, so… after that, I never put a height restriction on my dating but wound up with 6′2″ anyway. Go figure. I also said I would NEVER marry a smoker… and I did. So for me, it kinda comes down to, is a guy’s height REALLY a deal breaker? Also, if an Asian man had asked me out, or a black or Latino man for that matter, if I liked him and he was cute and I thought there was a chance we might be compatible, I totally would have gone out with him — but none ever did ask me out. I dated an obese guy for a while but there was just no chemistry there for me and I broke it off.

    It’s partly “what the universe sends you,” sorry if that sounds too New Agey.

13. Paul Sep 8th 2007 at 09:40 am 13

    You gals are terrible ! Good night, what does it matter if the guy is a little shorter? Is he a good man? Can he provide? Does he make you feel safe amd protected? Is he romantic and can he make you feel special? Can he make you laugh ? Aren’t these attributes a a little more important than “I want to feel petite next to him” or “I don’t want to feel like someone is starring at my breasts”. I can’t believe how shallow you all are being. Ya, you’ll get tall guys allright, but that may be all. Whatever happened to chemistry and compatibility? My advice would be, if you can, go back and talk to your Mothers, I have a feeling they may be able to shad a little light on your confusion, because you have definatly lost sight of what’s really important. Best of luck…your gonna need it! And I’m 5′9″ by the way.

14. Erika Sep 8th 2007 at 09:51 am 14

    I’ve dated all kinds: short, bald, and Asian. I’m 5′4 and very petite so I always feel that the men are bigger than me. Personally, I don’t like to date men taller than 5′10, otherwise I have to stand on my toes to kiss them and my neck gets sore.

    That being said, the shortest man I dated was 5′6. Right now I’m in love with a bald man who hovers around 5′10.

15. Zann Sep 8th 2007 at 11:23 am 15

    I’d like to weigh in on this. I am barely 5′0″, 108 lbs, so every man I’ve ever been with has been taller than me…usually a lot taller. Personally, I LIKE short men, so send them my way. I find them usually to be friskier, more sensual, and generally less arrogant than the tall, head-in-the-clouds dude. Maybe because they’ve had their share of being diss’d, I find short men to be more humble, appreciative & giving. Many women were schooled in the “tall, dark & handsome” times, but the reality is, it’s foolish to limit your pool to a certain height in a man, mainly because you’re shooting yourself in the foot — why restrict yourself to something that’s got absolutely nuthin’ to do with what kind of man he is, his integrity, his level of passion or complexity, his sexual prowess. But overall, I think it’s still all really about attitude. And based on the statitics proven here, is it really any big surprise that men develop a Napoleanic attitude? Since I’ve always been short, I’m used to having most people taller than me. But when I’m engaging with a person who is about my height — whether male or female — where we’re at an even eye-level, the power dynamic changes dramatically. I feel more secure, confident, and relaxed. I do understand what taller women are talking about, not wanting to feel like they are dwarfing their man, but I also know what the flip side of that is. I don’t like the fact that I am always “looking up” at the guy, like he’s some godly father figure and I’m the helpless, submissive, dependent lil’ woman. And I’d be the first to admit that I carry around a bit of the short-woman attitude, which projects: don’t make presumptions about me — I am no pushover, no petite flower. I do wonder why a taller man would be attracted to me, and truthfully, it makes me suspicious when there’s a huge height difference. (You know, “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”) When my friends ask about some tall guy who has asked me out, I always ask, “What am I supposed to do with all of that?” I mean, I’m an energetic gal, but that’s a lot of ground to cover…so much scrambling around! If there’s a shorter man in the room and he’s single, you can bet his making his way over to me, and I don’t think it’s got much to do with my looks, body, or anything other than that it’s just such a relief to look a female adult in the eye. So, I say, Short People of the World — Unite! Lift yourself up to your full height proudly. And just send all those spry, fun-loving short guys my way, (including Tony) and I’ll gladly leave the Big Boys for women who want someone more their eye level. But for those women who “need” to feel smaller, daintier, less powerful than their men, I say leave that to the fantasy of the bedroom and use your imagination. And at the risk of waving my feminist flag too vigorously and obnoxiously, remember that a lot of us fought long & hard to NOT be powerless and to not let men dominate us, and to make sure we get our fair share. That applies to our intimate lives, as well, and with whom we romance. (And please don’t say, “Sure, easy for you to say, you’re a small woman,” because it’s not easy for any woman, period.) Yes, humans are visual creatures, and yes, we like what we like, but usually that’s because it’s what we’re familiar with, & sometimes we need to challenge what we think are “natural attractions.” I’m with the European woman — branch out and try something different and you may be surprised. I know several couples where the woman is taller than her man & is likely of equal weight or maybe even heavier. They seem unbothered by this, displaying affection openly and publicly, whether she’s reaching down a little bit to squeeze his butt or he’s reaching up a little to squeeze hers. If you care about each other, you make it work. Thanks for your insights & may you all find your mate, big or small, short or tall.

16. Shari Sep 8th 2007 at 01:32 pm 16

    The only reason not to date him for me? He lives in PA and I’m not close to that state so it might be hard to see each other. Aside from that, it doesn’t matter to me if the guy is shorter. I’m 5′7″ and height has never been, nor will it be, a dealbreaker.

    The dating world, but most especially the online dating world, has a lot of shallow people who look to what the outside has to offer way before they’re concerned if the inside is as beautiful. Give me a man beautiful on the inside and he could be Quasi Modo, wouldn’t affect me in the least. I’ve dated enough great looking, hard bodied, duds to know what’s important.

17. tom pandolfo Sep 9th 2007 at 08:53 am 17

    Well, I’m Tom Pandolfo and it’s hard for me not to read this and remain silent (understanding full well that silence cannot be misquoted). In any event, while we all have our own preferences, I was especially impressed by what “Zann” had to comment upon, first because it is consistent with my own beliefs (who can argue with someone whose disposition and atttitude is commensurate with their own? LOL) and secondly due to her maturity about the whole thing, particularly as regards her comment concerning the fight women have had to not be “dominated” by men, which is both laudable and refreshing because it is obvious her own identity is measured not by her own (petite) “stature,” but by the content of her soul and her appreciation for freedom from what I may call the conventional mind set. I find that VERY SEXY. Okay, so I am biased, too, but I have found amongst my other shorter male friends and myself, too, that we may better appreciate the strides women have made towards greater freedom and respect because we have had to confront similar demons in terms of gaining respect that is based on the content and character of one’s soul as opposed to some external attribute that has no relationship to what one brings to any human transaction, be it a professional or emotionally intimate relationship.

    Like most of my shorter male friends, we have hordes of female friends, I suggest because we treat them as equals as opposed to submissive or dainty subjects in need of dominance. Dominance is fun in the bedroom, for sure, but quite honestly, while I like being dominant in bed, I also like a woman strong and aggressive enough to take control, too, for it expands, say, the repertriore, and decreases sexual boredom. I’ve always preferred partners that like to share in bed, it lends itself to better (and mind blowing) sex. It’s tough to have stature outside the bedroom (or in relationships) when one willingly chooses to be the submissive party in any relationship. That’s weakness, not strength, and who wants a weak partner?

    Doing things society (or peers) may not deem normal requires a lot of self confidence (extremely appealing in a woman!) and I believe also increases the amount of respect a man has for her, since, ultimately, her own inner beauty (as opposed to the external) places her on a level equal to her partner. When mates are equal there is greater opportunity for connection, I posit, and lessens the power conflict sometimes inherent in male-female relationships. A woman who suggests her feminimity is measured by being “dainty” sells herself, well, short (pun intended and may never realize the esteem that comes from being truly free. For reasons unbeknownst to me, having spent some recent time in Europe, and as alluded to by “Jura,” European women seem to “get it” more (generally) than American women do. They seem INTO MEN while their American counterparts place such substantial restrictions on what a man is, some, not all, of which is based on self imposed height stereotypes. European women, accordingly, seem to have more male options. The more options one has (the real issue for short guys like myself given the way we seem to be limited by a reasonable portion of women), the greater the pool of connections, and the less needy and more desirable one becomes. I suggest American men do the same as their female countertops, implying there are strong cultural, as opposed to biological, elements at work. The biological argument, moreover, seems to suggest that it cannot be controlled, but the ability to overcome what may be deemed innate biological dispositions is what separates us from the animals, is it not?

    I have had female friends state it was refreshing to get outside of the box and try something different (dating a short guy) because it made them more free (and, accordingly, more powerful), and understand feminimity is not a concept based on weakness or daintiness, but ultimately, on a form of strength that may not be physical, but is at the very minimum emotional and intellectual. Women with this type of strength are VERY SEXY. And if some of the men can’t handle this, then why date such a Neanterthal? The posture that feminimity is based on “weakness” is a concept that sells women short and limits not only their possibility for greater emotional connection, but professional progress as well. Women that figure that out, I suggest, lead much happier and fuller lives because they are able to increase the number of human connections they have (and that includes taller people as well). And to be self serving, for a moment, they have also found that it all lines up the same horizontally and they may end up with a real giant if they spend a few hours with a shorter guy (let your minds wander). As someone who coaches athletics, I usually find the shorter guys better athletes in terms of balance and rythm and those attributes can lend themselves to sexual prowess. I very rarely see good tall male dancers.

    The real question, ultimately, is not how hard short guys have it in the dating (particularly online) world, but the power and control women can have over their own lives (and men) by being free from culturally imposed dating standards that limit, not the short guys’ dating prospects, but the ladies true strength. This is not a plea to have women date short guys, but a statement that it doesn’t make a difference unless you place your own limitation on your life. People whose outlooks are so limited (be they tall or short) are not as sexy and appealing as those who have freed themselves from conventional boundaries. My grandmother always admonishes us that you limit yourself most when you limit others. It’s that type of strong character that makes her such a strong, special and respected lady. She gets it.

    And by the way, I like ladies in high heels, be they 4′11 or 5′11, they are all sexy to me, because I like women, not just a small portion of them. But I have to say I was shocked by how significant a difference it was being “5′10″ for 3 days. It was a sad commentary on the state of what is important for a portion of the female dating population out there, and no surprise, accordingly, women are still sold short by many men in many aspects of life.

    Interesting article, Evan, and some cool and honest replies.

    Tom

    By the way, I am a strong, confident and successful guy, but for anyone to suggest because of such strength I am (or any short guy) “Napoleanic” is in need of some therapy. That’s a stereotype that doesn’t sell the short person short, but sells the believer in that concept short. A woman who is successful is not some power hungry b…ch, but should be lauded for overcoming what are still strong (albeit thankfully decreasing) cultural biases.

18. Jessica Sep 9th 2007 at 10:20 am 18

    In response to Paul, this is commenter’s opinion. It is no more descriminating then the men who prefer shorter thinner women, because they feel big and strong!! They also generally want someone that they can show off.

    When it comes to dating, in the US, there are a lot of hang ups. Men and Women are gulity of stereotypes and submitting to cultural norms.

    I’m tall and not thin. I like wearing heels, and can be an easy 6 foot tall when I have a pair on. I also like to walk aroung barefoot and consider myself a normal 5′9″. I’m not sayin’ I need a Paul Bunyan (sp??) but, I want someone that I don’t dwarf. Mainly because I feel just as awkward about my height.

    Yes, I would put the security and safety above looks, but you have to get to the point where you can have that. A lot of shorter men lack self confidence, or have an over abundance. But the same goes for women. If we can’t get over those hang ups, then it can be hard to even get to where you can start to feel safe, secure, and protected.

    I hope Tom finds a great relationship. He sounds like a great guy, but even if you read his profile, he has similar hang ups. As someone who isn’t overly active, I read his profile and thought, he seems like a really great guy. But, then, he has a section on being physically fit, and well I would think, he won’t even look at me, so why bother. If we are asking everyone to be open minded to shorter men, who have a few extra pounds, and come from Korea, then we ourselves should be open to a potential match that is maybe not exactly what we are looking for.

    Evan you are doing great things here, keep up the good work. These are just thoughts from someone who has had it rough in the dating world.

19. Jared Meyer Sep 9th 2007 at 02:00 pm 19

    “Perceptions, Preferences, and Priorities”

    For the record, I’m 29 years of age, caucasian, and 6′0 (without shoes), and have a very athletic build. Positive physical features aside, I have been single most of my life. Why? I value being creative and working 7 days each week though conceptually I am sincerely interested in meeting someone with whom to spend the rest of my life.

    I’m sensing that many Americans live in fear with regard to their romantic lives. I’ve learned recently that many times, two people decide to commit to each other due to two fundamental reasons: the timing was great, the opportunity stellar, and hopefully because of authentic, powerful feelings.

    Personally, for years, I have felt that I won’t stop searching until I meet someone who fits my very specific requirements. I have not lived in fear while thinking, “What if I don’t meet her? What if I’m too picky?” It’s an abundant world. She is out there. Despite my specific preferences, I know that no matter what she looks like, what she does with her time and heart, and what she doesn’t do that if I know we’re truly right for each other long-term, I will make an effort to spend my life with her.

    Cognitive distortions and irrational beliefs make us angry, anxious, or depressed. Please consider understanding, accepting, and forgiving others for having very specific preferences. We are always changing. He who seeks a women with X, Y, and Z today may desire one with A, B, and C tomorrow. Relax and ride the wave. Think good thoughts and think big. Well, you know what I mean.

20. Sam Sep 9th 2007 at 02:40 pm 20

    Is it so superficial to want someone who is in shape? Let’s say you’re really active with things like tennis, skiing, biking, whatever — you have the right to want someone who can enjoy those activities with you.

    Some girls I’ve gone out with have seen a five mile, no elevation hike as a major physical challenge.

21. Miss Julie Sep 9th 2007 at 02:51 pm 21

    My only complaint with short men is when they lie about it. I’m 5′7″ and, like some of the other posters, love high heels. So I like to know, for real, whether you are my height, taller, shorter, whatever. I’ve dated guys that were significantly taller (6′4″) and significantly shorter (5′3″), but when your profile says that you are 5′7″, then I expect you to actually BE 5′7″.

    I suppose this goes for everything in online dating – I don’t appreciate it when guys lie about their single status or their age, either.

22. iBecca Sep 9th 2007 at 07:08 pm 22

    Personally, I think you can rationalize it all you want by analyzing why it amounts wo social weakness for a woman to prefer taller, broader men. I even understand the arguments. But the fact remains that I automatically respond to a taller man. I’m just physically more attracted to that. You like what you like.

    To suggest that women who prefer shorter men are somehow more enlightened or that those who prefer taller men are somehow deficient in one way or another is ludicrous. There’s very little thinking going on at all where attraction is concerned.

23. Marc Sep 10th 2007 at 06:28 am 23

    I think this sort of thing hearkens back to the days of the cavemen where the cavewomen needed the big, tall man to hunt, gather and provide. It’s been encoded into their DNA ever since. While guys like a pretty face and a nice body, women feel the need to be protected and assured that everything’s gonna be okay. Shortness is seen as weak and perhaps childlike, as one of the commenters above noted….and a short, weak guy won’t be able to make a woman feel safe and secure.

    I would be curious to see what would happen if you changed his profession to a doctor, mentioned how successful his practice was, and left his height at 5′3. You might find similar results. Nothing says “I’m a great hunter and gatherer” than a successful medical practice.

24. Adrienne Sep 10th 2007 at 08:19 am 24

    Truthfully, I’ve always felt like shorter men have a raw deal. I am only 5′2″, but I refuse to date any man shorter than 5′9″. It doesn’t have anything to do with feeling protected or wanting to be on my tiptoes to kiss him, but simply the fact that I don’t want my children, especially my sons, to be short and have to suffer the same stigma. Very sad for me to say as I am a short woman, but I have it a lot easier than short men when it comes to finding a date; and since you can’t control who you fall in love with, I figure it’s better for me to not even date a short man.

25. Ken Sep 10th 2007 at 08:19 am 25

    I’m not sure why you felt it necessary to lump an entire race of men into the same qualitative categories as “Fat”, “Older”, or “Short”? Please explain?

26. Evan Marc Katz Sep 10th 2007 at 08:49 am 26

    Great comments, everybody. But to answer Ken here… I’M not lumping an entire race of men into those who are discriminated against. Women are. If you clicked on the link, you’d see that according to a Columbia University study, Asian men have a 65% lower response rate from white women.

    And to address Marc, NOTHING would change if Tom were a 5′3″ doctor. Click on the link to read about the ABC “20/20″ story where the short guys were millionaire concert pianist cancer researchers and the tall guys were felons…and the women still preferred tall guys…

27. Zann Sep 10th 2007 at 11:14 am 27

    Okay, in response to the DNA/caveman/hunter-gatherer rationality — Lordy, can we just put that one to rest. Sure, I’m certain that there is truth to our DNA legacy, but so what? It’s similar to the theory that we are, by nature, a “warring” species. Look! It’s right there is our DNA. So, let’s all just throw up our hands and refuse to evolve beyond the warring, caveman-cavewoman mentality. Centuries of war, sexism, racism, ethnic cleansing, poverty, soil erosion & famine — who’d want to give that up? And I’m sure I’ll be sorry I asked…but women, when was the last time you felt safe, protected, and provided for on any continual basis by a man? And I mean “continual” as in an on-going basis….meaning more than, say, 3 months. Sure, I’ve had men promise me all kinds of things: care, affection, even masculine protection — whether I asked for it or not…but in the long run (or not so long), they were WAY more concerned with looking after their own asses and asking what I could do for them than they were about whether or not they were meeting my needs for security, comfort and compassion. And I’m not even talking about financial security, I’m just talking about reciprocal empathy, concern, and maybe even a little self-sacrifice now & then, heaven forbid. Now, it could be I’ve simply got real, real bad luck — or maybe I’m just a Big-Fat-Loser-&-someone-please-just-put-me-outta-my-misery. But I just don’t see a lot of this protective He-mann stuff everyone’s writing about. Where are these guys, anyway? Must be out on a mammoth-hunt I guess. Meanwhile, I think I’ll go back to digging my tubers out of the ground and gathering my twigs and berries, but I also think I’ll hold onto my day job, thanks very much.

28. James Sep 10th 2007 at 01:25 pm 28

    I don’t understand why white women doesn’t date Asian man? what about African, and Hispanic men?

29. sheseizereason Sep 10th 2007 at 03:49 pm 29

    I have a great deal of respect for Evan’s mind, and Tom Pandolfo seems like a truly stand-up citizen.

    However, I’m a little confused.

    Wasn’t the 9/5 blog post immediately preceding this one all about how life is unfair? I’m not clear on why the dissection of women’s statistically-backed preference for taller men would follow so quickly on the heels of a post that essentially addresses issues such as these.

    The best explanation I could come up with is that: 1) Evan’s 9/5 post bore a difficult, hard-to-swallow message, 2) Evan’s readers nevertheless continued to reject the categorical fact that life is unfair and so… 3) Evan challenged his naysayers in this post by putting them in the position to invoke his own arguments to defend their preference for taller men.

    Evan is no dummy.

    That aside, I have a few comments about this specific post independent of the previous one. Namely, that Evan asked his readers for their “honest” feedback to the topic. So I’m pretty certain that the commenters who admitted their desires to feel dainty, hug a larger body, meet their partners’ gaze at eye level and avoid dealings with a Napoleonic man are fully aware of the irrationality behind that view. And yet they admitted their feelings because Evan asked and, well, we all know life is unjust. These are HONEST women, not ones in need of therapy, as suggested.

    Furthermore, I noticed in his profile that Tom refuses to go out with a heavier woman. And I couldn’t resist the temptation to picture if this post were about a big-hearted fat woman instead of a short man. In my imaginings, the large woman submits a lengthy response to reader comments containing an exhaustive academic breakdown justifying why men shouldn’t remove fat ladies from their dating options. She appeals to their vanity by extolling the “sexiness” of the enlightened attitudes of men who like their women big and beautiful. She asks “Why would anyone want to date a woman who merely conforms to media-hyped/society-enforced notions of what is attractive?”

    Do you think Tom himself would be convinced by this woman’s arguments? Enough to actually open up his dating criteria to include fat women? And how different is Tom’s response from the fictional one I described?

    At the end of the day, I believe Tom makes compelling arguments that nonetheless sadly fail to persuade the majority of women in online dating land. Why? Because this is attraction we’re talking about here. We’re talking about monkeying with human involuntary responses to other human beings. And if given the choice between a) pursuing what one gravitates towards without thinking about it or b) re-wiring one’s responses to be aligned with the “well-reasoned” position, we are always going to choose Option A. I say so because it’s infinitely easier to do what’s natural, especially if what’s natural doesn’t actively do harm to anyone else and it’s been working fine for them anyway. (Try using logic to convince a man to stop reading Maxim, FHM or Stuff if you don’t believe me.)

    As a side note: maybe Tom’s arguments are useful if you’re a woman who’s been limiting herself to taller men and you just can’t seem to find “Mr. Right” among your list of choices. Maybe she should then be persuaded to loosen her criteria. But then again, the converse argument applies to Tom, where perhaps he should consider permitting heavier women who have no issue with shorter men into his dating pool, rather than spend the energy trying to fight an uphill battle against women’s prevailing attitudes.

    Tom, I think you’re really brave to put yourself out there and to let Evan put your misfortunes on full display in his blog. I wish you the best of luck, and sincerely believe the right woman’s out there for you. From my perspective, you just happened to have found out the “Match” system of searchable criteria and high-volume dating tends to work against men of your stature. Don’t let your experiences say too much to you about women or your actual prospects.

30. Cam Sep 11th 2007 at 04:24 pm 30

    sheseizereason, I was thinking the exact same thing – this doesn’t jive with previous personal accountability posts. Hopefully someone who has no problem dating short men contacts Tom (maybe that was the aim of the whole thing – to get Tom a lot of exposure) but I doubt any rewiring of what people find attractive is going to happen by being berated for being honest. We can’t be attracted to everyone, life is unfair, right? Change your expectations and behavior, right?

    I can see how this would be a hard thread to read if you are short, I definitely don’t want a thread where people state why they wouldn’t be attracted to me. It wouldn’t matter if I called them (in the nicest way possible) unevolved, shallow or rude, it wouldn’t make me any more attractive to them.

31. lulu Sep 11th 2007 at 06:05 pm 31

    I’m 5′5″, on Match and I’m willing to go out with men whose height start at 5′6″. In reality I’m willing to go out with men who are exactly my height but I’ve found that men who say they are 5′5″ are always 5′4″ or shorter.

    I don’t mind standing taller than a guy with my shoes on, as long as I’m not obviously taller than him with my shoes off. I’m personally attracted to men around my height (regardless of race), because I like to look into a man’s eyes easily. I guess I’m the exception to the rule because I’ve always preferred shorter men.

    Strangely enough, while I’m relatively popular in the sense that I get plenty of dates (with shorter men), I don’t have easier or longer-term relationships compared to my girlfriends who are only attracted to men that are at least 5′10″. I think once you move beyond the initial attraction, shorter men are not “easier” than taller men, especially if they are successful and smart and have other things going for them. Just like overweight women are not “easier” either. In my opinion, this is a good thing

32. joanie Sep 12th 2007 at 09:08 am 32

    Yeah, sheseizereason, I found myself nodding as I read your comments, and scratching my head as I read Evan’s initial post and Tom’s followup.

    It doesn’t mesh to on the one hand be so dismissive about the way men can view/use women so superficially and yet be incredulous that women would prefer taller men.

    And the numerous references to what Tom finds “sexy” seemed gratuitous, did nothing to advance his positionn and seemed perhaps his way of taking a stab at women who don’t share his views. Almost to say, “if you don’t share this outlook, you’re not sexy.”

    Well I guess I’m not sexy because I prefer taller men, despite the fact I’m a triathlete and not in the least bit dainty. Guess I should feel sad or demoralized that someone like Tom doesn’t think I’m VERY SEXY. Life is so unfair.

33. tom pandolfo Sep 12th 2007 at 05:50 pm 33

    I cioncur with you, shesheizereason. My own hyprocritical “preference” (not absolute) was devoid of women who are not, say, slim and athletic.
    And in God’s myterious way of rendering justice, I am going out Friday night with a lady who may be deemed “curvy.” Life is an ongoing learning curve and your insight is respected. One should practice what they preach.

34. justme.jen Sep 14th 2007 at 03:28 am 34

    I’m with Paul on this one. This all seems awfully shallow to me. It should be about how you treat each other & how you feel when you’re together. (And I think needing the guy to be bigger than you is really a self esteem issue). I realize initial attraction is mostly physical, which may be a little harder on the shorter guy, or the overweight woman, or whatever trait may make a difference to some. However, if you’re not going to get past that to find out what a great person you may be dealing with, you’re losing out in the end.

35. Camilla Sep 14th 2007 at 08:39 am 35

    Justme.jen wrote: (And I think needing the guy to be bigger than you is really a self esteem issue)

    It’s been a bigger self-esteem issue for me to be able to admit what I like, without feeling guilty about it! There’s so much societal programming that says women are supposed to overlook the physical part. Otherwise, we get accused of being “shallow,” by other women. You made my point for me.

36. Sam Sep 14th 2007 at 11:36 am 36

    Maybe having a height minimum isn’t so exceptional. Perhaps height is just the most important physical attribute for a man to have. For those women who categorically refuse to date someone below a particular height, do you have other physical must haves/can’t haves?

    For instance, would you go out with someone if he had a really large nose? Lots of body hair? Small hands? A triple chin? Bad skin?

    Is height just the first among equals of physical attributes, or is it something that, unlike a big nose, you can’t see past?

37. jamie Sep 14th 2007 at 01:26 pm 37

    Gosh, why does this topic generate so much? Maybe because it cuts to the core of attraction, culture, etc etc?

    I’m going to state upfront I am 5′4″, 110 lbs, 39, blond and blue eyes, so I have a lot of options both on and off online dating sites. Yes, the sites can be shallow, but you have to deal with it and keep searching, sooner or later there has to be some good ones out there, tall, short, heavy, thin, male or female. I get hundreds of emails at a time and can tell you, what, maybe 2% are worthy?

    Count me in the minority of women who like short guys. To begin with, I checked Tom’s profile and the guy is just gorgeous. If he was in my area I would jump on that in a heartbeat. Evan and him did a great job on the profile, it’s positive, upbeat, confident, funny and intelligent. Far from what paases for the normal blah, blah, blah and its obvious he likes women – although I do note he seems to have a preference for thin (probably due to activity level?) and to be fair, he should expand his own horizons. He’s brave, too, having bared his soul in a public forum (I note everyone except him hides behind our anonymity – nice and safe) and a guy (tall or short) with that much confidence is a man who is in touch with his own feelings and likely to invest in ours. That is very rare girls. It doesn’t surprise me if he were tall, he would be really popular on the dating sites, but why should one small thing take away from that? Most of you gals just don’t get it with men, do you?
    I know most of us given the choice between a tall dud and a short stud (Tom is studly in my opinion) take the tall dud and then complain about men? LOL

    I think a few of you are misunderstanding his comments. He says he finds strong women sexy and to him a lady who looks beyond height is strong. Just as most of you find tall guys sexy, he finds what a strong lady is in his mind sexy. I don’t see him complaining about being short or saying it’s unfair. I don’t agree with all he says, but it’s an interesting take. But he’s stating this is what reality is to a short man, probably the same thing tall women have to deal with as well. Yes, it’s unfair, but he’s not complaining about it in my view.

    Short guys? For me, I had always dated taller guys and then once met a guy a few inches shorter than I who oozed charisma and confidence. He was good looking and that always helps (count me as a hypocrite). We went to bed and I had the best sex of my life.

    For the woman having a tough time meeting quality guys, it’s because you all are so narrow and put all of your eggs in a very shallow basket (tall guys). I check the shorter guys all the time because there are tons, tons, of great guys who just happen to be short. I dated other short guys and the same thing always happened in bed….they were tigers and could do things with their hips most taller guys had difficulty doing. They were better in bed. It seems they are always built better and most of them are good dancers and will dance with you instead of what most tall guys do….stand their without doing anything. So for me it is sexual. And it’s also because it increases the number of quality guys. I like tall guys as well. I like men, but give a small edge to the shorter ones because of their superior sexual prowess.

    I have to say as well many of my lady friends often ask what I see in the shorter men because most of them can’t, just can’t, go that route. They aren’t axe murderers, they are men, but most of my friends end up going out with some boring guys because they limit their pool to such a small group of guys. Thankfully, I have overcome what is, yes, shallow girls (and I’m vain…..LOL) and now I meet a better quality of men because height is not an issue to me. We’ve spent all this time overcoming the stigma of being female in the world and treated as a second class citizen and now that we have more freedom…..we end making choices about others based on something like gender they can’t change. If we keep to some old standard based on external things, then we are not as free or strong as we can be. Next time a man in power doesn’t promote you or respect you just because you are a female, don’t complain about it, he’s being every bit as judgmental as you are. Neanderthal men (short or tall) do nothing for me and we all know there are still lots of those guys out there.

    The bottom line is this: We know it’s shallow, so just admit it. But while I’m out having fun and great sex with cool, interesting, successful and good looking men, and you are complaining (we complain all the time about men, ladies, admit it), maybe you in the final analysis are really the short one. Short guys are no better or worse (well, maybe except for the better sexual aspect of it) than tall men. But from personal experience I can say once I got out of my own safety zone, learned a different world exists out there for women who don’t put their eggs in such limited baskets.

    Really cool comments by everybody and those are mine.

38. Jaclyn Sep 14th 2007 at 01:54 pm 38

    I am 5′6, and have often dated men who are my height or shorter. My problem with dating shorter men is that some shorter men get anxious when I wear heels. I had one guy snap at me when we walked across the street and I stood up on a curb before he did. Apparently, it really upset him that I was very tall when I was standing on the curb before him. So I try not to date shorter men anymore, but I would be happy to date one who was completely comfortable with his (and my) height.

39. Camilla Sep 14th 2007 at 01:55 pm 39

    Sam: I for one, like a guy with an imperfect nose. It adds character. In fact, I recently had a date with a guy who looked like a Ken doll, thinking, “that guy would be so much more attractive if he didn’t have such a plain nose.”

    Body hair doesn’t matter to me either. All the waxing guys are doing now is kind of off-putting to me. (Blame the porn industry here.)

    I suppose really obese is a no, for me. But I don’t mind an extra 20-40 lbs. Maybe even more if the guy’s tall. ; )

40. Amanda Sep 20th 2007 at 09:06 pm 40

    I personally LOVE short men! Seriously. I’m 5′4. Not super short. I used to go for tall guys. The men I dated were always over 6′. Then, I dated a short guy. As I said, I LOVE it!!! Not having to look up all the time. No time spent on my tip toes. Being able to look someone straight in the eyes. I love the build. They are less awkward. I could go on but bottom line, I’m addicted. I’ve actually had a really hard time trying not to disregard tall men. My friends all laugh at me. They can always spot the men I’m into. Add curly dark hair and I’m hooked!

41. Miss J Sep 24th 2007 at 06:10 am 41

    I am 5′ and I love tall guys. I am dating a guy 6′4″. I love guys 6′ plus. I won’t even consider a guy under 5′10. Just my preference. The guys I date are attracted to me as well just as there are men who prefer BBW and women who are ‘very chubby’. I was once dumped by a guy because his type is women with ‘fat rear ends’. There is no rule. Don’t blame us shorter women for dating tall men “leave some for us”. It could be red hair or big xxx that attract men. It is always something.

42. Scot McKay Sep 25th 2007 at 08:59 am 42

    I found this blog while searching for online dating experts for a project I’m doing.

    Unfortunately I’m in a bit of a rush at the moment lest I comment further, but I will leave these comments:

    1) Regarding the TV study, attempting to apply metrics of real-world human attraction based on an objective list of traits is an untenable concept. In real life each individual’s attractiveness can very easily defy any “standard”.
    2) At 5′6″ I eventually was able to achieve a 60-80% response rate on Match.com. Notably I was specifically targeting the very sharpest women in my own estimation. I met my new wife there, who was receiving 200+ emails per day when I met her.

    3) The Pittsburgh MSA does not compare to Philly MSA in population size. As such, that experiment is flawed.

    4) I personally am convinced that any shorter man can actually be MORE successful than a taller man with women. I have produced an audio program on it with a

43. Michelle Oct 9th 2007 at 08:39 am 43

    Is anyone going to state the obvious? Men can tell age, weight, breast size within seconds of meeting us yet we women can’t really tell a critical factor of physical endowment until we get a man undressed. Fair or not, most people believe that all things are proportional hence a woman who actually enjoys the physical aspect of a relationship may not be inclined to invest in a short man. Sorry boys, size does matter to an awful lot of us.

44. Yael Oct 9th 2007 at 02:09 pm 44

    Tom,

    I think the reaon you’re not getting dates is because:

    1. You mis-spell words
    2. You’re response is toooo long
    3. You bring up your sexual habits
    4. You don’t seem fun and self-aware

45. Scot McKay Oct 9th 2007 at 02:17 pm 45

    Michelle, that is one of the most ignorant statements I’ve ever seen anyone make publicly.

    I fully get that “size matters” sexually to women. But the size of a man’s unit is absolutely not necessarily proportional to his height. That’s like supposing that “taller women have larger breasts” or that “shorter people have smaller noses”.

    Seriously.

46. Melissa Oct 9th 2007 at 03:30 pm 46

    In response to Michelle’s comment above:

    “Fair or not, most people believe that all things are proportional hence a woman who actually enjoys the physical aspect of a relationship may not be inclined to invest in a short man. Sorry boys, size does matter to an awful lot of us.”

    Michelle (and anyone else who shares this belief in all things proportional), two of the tallest guys I’ve dated (6′2″ and 6′4″) also had the smallest penises. Enough said.

47. Mara Oct 9th 2007 at 07:27 pm 47

    Let’s face it – the answer is evolution. Why do tiny, short women love taller men just like the average or tall women among us? Evolution. I think, as someone down here said, that since Asians make up the majority of the world’s population, that is the reason why there are still short men in the gene pool. The short men that are around must be evolving to be extra strong or good at other things, since they don’t have the height advantage. Height surely would have been an advantage in the hunter-gatherer times, in the farming times, and the trait continues.

    Has anyone else noticed that we have never ever had a short president? Forget not short, we’ve never had many (or any) presidents that were not taller than average. Hopefully that will change if we finally get a female president. Then again, Hillary is not on the short side of women even. Next to Bill, who is really tall, she can hold her own in the height department.

    I am 5′7 and have tried dating one or two short men in my dating life (one recently), but there was definitely a lack of sexual attraction in those cases. A similar trend holds for very skinny or weak men (just ended with one of those, average height, 5′10 but super skinny and weak, not attractive when it came down to it).

    Any bias on my part could also be chalked up to my own complex, as my mother is 5′10 and my father is 6′3 and me and my little sister are only both 5′7, we feel a bit gipped. Then again, for a woman it seems that this is a great height, a little tall but can still wear heels and be under 6′. Then again, I wouldn’t mind so much being 6′, maybe I could’ve been a professional tennis player.

48. JimmyE Oct 10th 2007 at 01:05 am 48

    Yael, before you get judgemental about Tom’s spelling, you migh want to consider YOUR response (not YOU’RE response)

49. realityis Oct 10th 2007 at 04:17 am 49

    1- i prefer shorter guys myself, i like to feel equal. but i’m 5′2. (although i must admit if he’s thin then i find it tough)

    2- tom, you sound great. try italy for about 2 weeks and you’ll be clobbered with women. this height issue is very much a north american bias.

    3- Evan- i’m new to your stuff. please tell me you have some articles that aren’t saying its women’s fault. between this one and the article “Why Men arent Attracted to SMart, Strong Successful Women” you’d think that the failures in the dating world are largely due to women not ‘getting’ it. Guys too, have their biases- about weight, age, appearances, race… etc. i just hope you guve equal opportunity to pointing these things out on both sides.

50. Vickie Oct 10th 2007 at 04:36 am 50

    I love short men! I’m only 5′5″ and don’t like compressing disks in my neck to look up at a guy.

    But the reason women go for tall guys is a part of nature. Watch the Discovery channel sometime. The biggest, strongest, most beautiful beasts always win the ladies.

51. Pat Oct 10th 2007 at 02:52 pm 51

    I have to admit that I prefer men that are taller and larger than me to smaller men. It is nothing against the smaller man, he could be a really great guy. It is my own insecurity about my own size. I am hardly petite, I am 5 ft 6 and weigh…well let’s just say I am a larger woman. I think that couples who do not look somewhat proportionate look rather silly together. Plus when I am out with a guy I want to feel like he could protect me. If it looks like I am more likely to kick someone’s butt than my date is, that is not cool!

    And on the other side of the coin I am the “older woman” and “heavier woman” that no one wants either so I am not getting any dates as well. It works both ways.

52. tom Oct 11th 2007 at 07:44 am 52

    Love the articles. In response to Yael, though:

    1. I’ve dated at least 60 women in the last 3 years because
    I am fun, incredibly sexy and handsome to boot, not to mention
    very successful.

    2. I am involved in a relationship with a gal from Match who
    was one of the more popular ladies on the site in terms
    of views (5,000 monthly) and emails (over 200 week).
    Most men would kill to go out with her and she chose me
    (mostly because I am funny and nonjudgmental with my dates.
    Most of the ladies I have dated are still friends, in fact.

    The main point of the article was that there is a relative, but not absolute bias and I found out what the difference was. But I do fine, I assure you.

    Good luck to you.

53. JuJu Oct 16th 2007 at 07:33 pm 53

    Tom, you’ve got some opinion of yourself! This is the point where immodesty is a turn-off.

    Hold on a second, is this the same Tom Pandolfo? The one who couldn’t get any women on account of his height?

    Anyway, Michelle, the most consistently decently endowed men (of the ones I had) were 5′8″. The problem is, I am not attracted to that height (I am 5′6″, like men at least 5′10″, which coming from me I would think sounds a lot more reasonable than MissJ). I don’t like being taller than my partner on heels and feeling like we are the same size when we are walking (and I am wearing flats), but most importantly, I just do not feel that I am with a MAN. With a man of that stature I feel like I am with a boy. My ex-husband was that height (I was very young and inexperienced when I met him), and I am certain that was one of the main reasons I eventually stopped having sex with him.

    The most insignificant penises I’ve had belonged to men around 5′11″-6′ (thankfully, there were only two).

    But then, I can’t imagine a man packing anything substantial down there if he is smaller than, say, 5′6″.

54. tom Oct 17th 2007 at 07:42 am 54

    This is last time I will entertain this subject for I am in a great relationship with a wonderful and beautiful woman right now. The “study” was just an unscientific exercise in seeing what the diffference was, online, in terms of dating “potential,” that’s all, not “the ability to get a date,” where I don’t have any problems. If that’s immodest and turns you off, I could care. I am sorry, though, JuJu, that although you are “tall” by female standards as far as physcial stature is concerned, you are rather narrow in terms of what makes up a man, which indicates the possibility you may be a little short in various other areas of greater importance than ones vertical stature. And by the way, if you spent two hours with some men shorter than 5′6″, you may find you would be sleeping with a giant, but I’ll leave it at that so we don’t become too “immodest.”

55. JuJu Oct 17th 2007 at 09:08 am 55

    Again, substitute “overweight women” in any argument you make about the worthiness of short men and you will see how preposterous it all sounds.

    Indeed, size says nothing about a person’s intelligence, integrity, kindness, and the overall beauty of their soul. Only this realization on the intellectual level does not help one bit on the physical or emotional.

    I am also now convinced that Evan spoke a bit too soon in promoting you. All that anger and lack of class speak for themselves.

56. Sam Oct 18th 2007 at 06:30 am 56

    “Again, substitute “overweight women” in any argument you make about the worthiness of short men and you will see how preposterous it all sounds.”

    This may not endear me to everyone here, but I think that many men have good reasons for not wanting to date an overweight man or woman. If someone is really active, he or she is has the right to want someone who can keep up.

    I also feel that height preferences are worse than weight preferences because a person has zero control over his or her height. A person does have some control over his or her weight. In my dating, I make a distinction between an overweight woman (with a naturally slow metabolism)who eats right and exercises and an overweight person who also has ice cream for dessert and who sits on the couch all day. I dated an overweight exerciser/eat righter for six weeks once and NEVER THOUGHT of saying anything critical about her body.

57. JuJu Oct 18th 2007 at 10:38 am 57

    It doesn’t have to be weight (it’s just the first one that comes to mind), just substitute any which feature you might find unattractive. Somebody already mentioned huge noses. (Please don’t tell me that, unlike short men, they can have a nose job. ).

    By the way, BeenThruTheWars, the average height for women in the US (for all races) is 5′3″, and for men – 5′9″ (courtesy of Wikipedia and things I heard/read previously). I WISH it was 5′10″ , but it isn’t.

    Now, I finally mustered up the patience yesterday to read Tom Pandolfo’s looooong essay. In all honesty, if he was 6′1″ (my preferred ideal height in a man) and in my age group, I wouldn’t date a man who manages to write so much about so little, operates on faulty premises (cultural conditioning? puhleeze. I never did find poster boys attractive), and, not least of it, spells “femininity” – “feminimity” (and that’s at the age of 48).

    Sorry, I had to let that off my chest.

58. shellacked Oct 18th 2007 at 02:35 pm 58

    Tom. You said…”The “study” was just an unscientific exercise in seeing what the diffference was, online, in terms of dating “potential,” that’s all, not “the ability to get a date,” where I don’t have any problems.”

    Come on now. It’s ok to admit you needed some help in the getting dates department. That’s why you did the smart thing and enlisted Evan’s services, right?

    This defensive denial – btw – is the type of self-deception that, when seen in a short man, we women tend to view as “Napoleonic”.

    You know the sure sign of confidence? Just being able to let something go. Think you’re a few thousand words beyond that at this point.

59. Jabe Oct 30th 2007 at 12:14 am 59

    I don’t see how this has failed to come up so far but what about the discrimination against tall women?
    I’m 5′10″. I hate wearing heels because they make me feel worse about my stature. I’ve always lacked confidence with guys; partly because I have been told for as long as I can remember that I “can’t” date anyone less than 2 inches taller than me. My friends, my own grandmother even, have made me feel I am unattractive to the majority of men.
    So what am I doing now? I’m with a 5′3″ guy. I’ve never felt so confident about my looks.

60. Chris Oct 30th 2007 at 03:23 pm 60

    “Fair or not, most people believe that all things are proportional hence a woman who actually enjoys the physical aspect of a relationship may not be inclined to invest in a short man. Sorry boys, size does matter to an awful lot of us.”

    Even if things were strictly proportional, the length difference on a man who is 5′9” and a man who is 5′4” may not be that much in absolute terms.

    A 5′9”er might seem a lot taller than a 5′4”er, but really, those five inches are equivalent to 8% of overall height. If the 5′9” man is average in length, as well as height, his would be 6”. If everything were proportional, the 5′4” guy would have one that is 5.5” long.

    Women say that size matters, but I can’t believe that five tenths of an inch makes that big a deal in terms of pleasure. Maybe kissing a short guy is awkward, but sex with a short guy might not be that different from sex with a taller guy.

61. hunter Dec 4th 2007 at 10:31 pm 61

    I am 5″10″ and meet women 4′11′–5′1″ all the time. Having their breasts below my belt when I go to hug them is not much of a hug…

62. jules Dec 5th 2007 at 06:10 am 62

    Am I the only one here who finds a striking similarity between tom’s long-winded posts and jamie’s (#37) ?

    tom: “I am fun, incredibly sexy and handsome to boot, not to mention very successful.”
    jamie: “…I’m out having fun and great sex with cool, interesting, successful and good looking men…”

    i’m not saying they are necessarily one and the same person, but why would a self-proclaimed attractive blonde jump into the debate to clarify what tom was trying to say and end up sounding equally sanctimonious and preachy? She also used the same unrealistic and gut-churning descriptions of short men as tigers in the sack, not to mention the same rhetorical device of juxtaposing a woman’s physical preferences with her psychological stature? (“But while …you are complaining (we complain all the time about men, ladies, admit it), maybe you in the final analysis are really the short one…”)

    Quite a coincidence!

63. Lorena Dec 12th 2007 at 12:57 pm 63

    I am very tall for a woman. I am 6′1″ in bare feet. I am dating a man who is 5′5″ on a good day. We look ridiculous together, but we are happy. He treats me way better than the 6′7″ man I was with before. Short men are an untapped resource. When my girlfriends complain that there are no good men left out there, I just tell them to “Look Down!”

64. Lisa Dec 21st 2007 at 11:19 am 64

    Same reason most men don’t like seriously overweight women. Because size matters, whether it should or not.

65. m Dec 21st 2007 at 05:28 pm 65

    “Is it so superficial to want someone who is in shape?”

    No.

    It’s just that everyone who is “in shape’ is NOT thin, and everyone who is thin is NOT “in shape”.

    It’s just that men — irrespective of what THEY look like, and irrespective of whether THEY’RE in shape — WANT THIN — they could give less of a damn about in shape.

66. m Dec 21st 2007 at 05:34 pm 66

    “2. I am involved in a relationship with a gal from Match who
    was one of the more popular ladies on the site in terms
    of views (5,000 monthly) and emails (over 200 week).
    Most men would kill to go out with her and she chose me …”

    Tom is a status hound.

    He’s just been more irritated (and vocal) about it until now, and because he’s short, the women that he’s wanted because it gives him status in other mens’ eyes have overlooked him because of a trait that (sometimes) affects status in other womens’ eyes.

67. Sam Dec 24th 2007 at 11:53 am 67

    M,

    Actually, the girl I was referring to who saw a five mile, no elevation gained hike was reasonably thin, but she wasn’t used to physical activity, so a hike of a few miles seemed like climbing Everest to her.

    You have a good point, not every thin person is in shape and not every overweight person is out of shape. I have had at least one girlfriend who would be considered overweight. The fat wasn’t on her stomach though, and she was so confident and intelligent that I never, ever would have said anything to her about her weight ever. She exercised too, so I gave her a lot of credit for that. She broke up with me, not the other way around.

    I think in general overweight people – men and women – are going to be a lot less likely to be able to do physical things with you. If you’re athletic and/or outdoorsy, not dating an overweight person is not something to be ashamed of, though not something to be proud of either.

    I hate to be this honest, but fat on a girl’s stomach is the major turn off. Thighs, arms – cellulite there is okay. But fat on her stomach is a different story.

68. suzy Q Jan 24th 2008 at 02:25 pm 68

    I am 5′2/ 100 pounds, with DDD boobs and a decent face, and I only like to date guys who are taller than 5′11. I dont know why, but growing up short, I just feel like I want my kids to at least have a shot at being tall. Also, I feel like Im hot enough that I dont want other women’s rejects. Maybe this is TMI, but I also like what a taller/stronger man can do to me in the bedroom– I kinda like being thrown around a little, and a shorter (or even skinnier) guy just doesnt do it for me…

69. Selena Jan 24th 2008 at 07:57 pm 69

    Suzy Q–
    You wrote, “I feel like Im hot enough that I dont want other women’s rejects.”

    What a curious thing to say. If someone is dating you, wouldn’t it follow that he was some other woman’s reject at least once? Or do you only date men who NEVER been in a relationship? Or are the “love ‘em and leave ‘em” types who never stick around long enough to be rejected?

    That is such an odd statement I hope you write back to clarify.

70. Dimo Feb 17th 2008 at 02:22 pm 70

    Just a quick note, super handsome will trump short. For example: back in the day, Robert Conrad from Wild, Wild West was 5′6 1/2″ – he didn’t hurt for women – no tall guys could stay with him – Maybe wit the exception Warren Beattie!

71. Gav Mar 31st 2008 at 03:46 pm 71

    At 5′ 6″, I’m not super-short, but still usually shorter than any of my male friends…

    I’ve had no trouble attracting the ladies, and for me height is no issue. I am usually attracted to women who are a similar height to me, but I’ve absolutely no problem if her heels make her three inches taller (heels are too sexy to be avoided!)…

    All this talk of “all short men have attitude problems” is a ridiculous generalisation and demonstrates woeful ignorance. Sort it out people.

72. Kristen Jun 17th 2008 at 02:39 pm 72

    There is a similar bias against tall women. I’m nearly 6′0 without shoes. Unlike many of my friends (the majority of whom are 5′4 and under) I don’t have any height requirement for men I date. But I’ve found that it’s the rare man of any height who is willing to consider dating a woman as tall as me, at least in the online world.

    I’ve also tried my own experiment of changing my height online to see of that was the sole factor and, lo and behold, it’s true. From my experience, 5′7 seems to be the tallest that men online are interested in. I’m sure that height is not the only turn-off in my profile as I’m also an attorney! I deleted references to my profession and online reponses increased even more. But combine my real height and my job and it’s the kiss of death in the online dating world.

    What is funny to me is that in the real world I’ve never had any problem meeting men of all various heights who were interested in dating me. If I relied on online dating alone, I’d probably be single forever.

73. vino Jun 17th 2008 at 07:56 pm 73

    Kristen’s #72 –

    “What is funny to me is that in the real world I’ve never had any problem meeting men of all various heights who were interested in dating me. If I relied on online dating alone, I’d probably be single forever.”

    No s&*t. A crass way of saying that dating is like investing…diversify your investments. Instead of muni bonds, stocks, mutual funds, etc., you do some online dating, join an activity club, book club, or other pursuit. Spend time in places where the guys you like are (do I hear sports bars? lol). While ubiquitous, online dating still isn’t the most organic manner of meeting someone.

    Love the tall girls too Kristen. Past faves include 6′, 5′11 & 1/2″, & 5′10″ (also 4′11″, 5′3″, 5′2″- no height preference here). Though, I’ve found many taller women who want guys 6′3″ +. It’s understandable. But online, it has a chilling effect on those 5′10″ guys who believe it’s more likely than not a tall woman wants a proportionately tall man.

    That said, I think some shorter guys have that image of the movie Deuce Bigalow, where he come up to her waist (not to mention rubbing her size 23 feet!)…

74. the foreigner Jun 22nd 2008 at 07:25 am 74

    Evan, I love what you’re doing, but I think your comparison is a bit off:

    Tom got just about as many unsolicited mails and winks in the Pittsburgh profile as he got in Philadelphia, if you take how many women that actually saw his profile into account (11 vs. 212 views). In fact, he got more unsolicited winks in his “short” profile than in his tall one (18 % vs 13 % wrt views).

    I’m short and I do think it matters, especially when you try to filter out dates from a big crowd of people. We do in this a lot in net dating with automated profile searches, but it doesn’t have to mean anything in reality.

    So, maybe the best thing is to leave height out of the (searchable) height box and instead write it in the presentation?

    In that way you’re not lying, but your profile will still turn up on searches.

75. Evan Marc Katz Jun 22nd 2008 at 09:12 am 75

    1) I don’t believe you can hide your height. Thus, you have two choices: tell the truth or lie.

    2) Your use of Tom’s statistics is extremely faulty.

    “He got more unsolicited winks in his short profile than his tall one”.

    Really? Last I checked, 28 was more than 2. By trying to manipulate these numbers, Foreigner, you willfully ignore the HUGE problem that faces short men who date online.

    Who cares of 2 out of 11 people winked at him? He was only seen by ELEVEN people. This is somehow better than being seen by 212 people? Honestly…

76. starthrower68 Jun 22nd 2008 at 12:52 pm 76

    I guess I see where the women who are coming from think that being with a bigger guy make them feel more dainty and feminine, but isn’t it really a matter of how, say a short man would treat a woman as to whether or not she feels feminine? If he treats her in a gallant, chivalrous way, then that is what makes me feel more feminine. Tom does have a lot going for him. I’m sure someone out there will recognize that he is fabulous.

77. Michael Ejercito Jun 24th 2008 at 07:43 am 77

    There is a similar bias against tall women. I’m nearly 6′0 without shoes. Unlike many of my friends (the majority of whom are 5′4 and under) I don’t have any height requirement for men I date. But I’ve found that it’s the rare man of any height who is willing to consider dating a woman as tall as me, at least in the online world.
    I have met women that tall that I would be willing to date.

78. Rob Jul 21st 2008 at 07:24 am 78

    Geez folks – time to go to a cancer ward and feeling too short or too tall will go away fast I promise.

79. Jeanne Jul 22nd 2008 at 06:59 pm 79

    Rob, you said it all!

    I’m of the Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much” school of thought regarding what constitutes a good man. I dated a man who was shorter than me who was absolutely wonderful. I dated a man who was 6 ft. that was every negative stereotype of men and dating.

    But your example of Tom is not a good one. Tom is a big success story. it doesn’t matter if 200 women or just 1 flocked to him. If its about finding the love of your life, all it takes is just one.

    I think the category that has it the toughest are women in their 50sw. My girlfriends in that age who are on match and who are good looking, accomplished, kind, fun, mentally healthy do not even have men lwho ook at their profiles, let alone date them. Their “who’s viewed me” is empty.

80. Sahaja Jul 26th 2008 at 08:01 am 80

    Wow, I never thought a topic could get so heated! I suppose that all of us have one thing or another we would love to change about ourselves and can’t, reasonably (plastic surgery not withstanding) Whether we are short, or have a funny nose, or oddly small toes, you can never know what the deal breaker is for someone else. And if they are not into what you have, then why would you want them anyway? As for the whole short man debate, I too used to date tall men only (I’m 5′3″), but my last bf was the exact same height and it didnt matter in the whole wanting to date him dilemma, bc his personality and great sense of humor put aside anything else. So who knows, really?

81. Zain Jul 28th 2008 at 11:10 am 81

    In response to Mara (I know her post is really old but I still wanna respond to it)

    We have had a short president James Madison America’s fourth president was 5′4” They’ve also been many short men who have become world leaders and men of power, authority, and distinction
    Winston Churchill who was prime minister of the UK was 5′7”
    Sarkozy the President of France is 5′6” Silvio Berlusconi the prime minister of Italy is 5′4” Vladamir Putin President of Russia is 5′5” There are also many more

    I also think the whole “because we have so many Asians that’s why men are short” is absolutely absurd and racist.

    Futhermore the whole “hunter gatherer” theory of why women choose tall women because of genetic instinct that tall men are better hunters is also absurd in cavemen days it was short men who made the best hunters not tall men their small frames made it easier for them to hide and get the drop on prey (hiding behind a rock or crawling unseen through prairie grass) shorter men also had quicker reflexes which made it easier for them to hurl projectiles and prey infact the average neanderthral was only 5′5” shorter men consumed less energy and less food (which was important because food was always limited) so in caveman days it was short men doing all the hunting the hunter caveman being this tall hulking man is just a romanticized version of what prehistoric humans were but not in any way a scientifically accurate one

    Even in war and battle (or anything for that matter) the tallest one is not always the one who leads it’s the one who’s most intelligent has the most resources and the most charismatic

    Look at the Vietnam War, the average American soldier was 7 inches shorter then the average vietcong soldier yet it was the Americans who lost Vietnam

    just some stuff to ponder about.

82. James Aug 6th 2008 at 03:41 pm 82

    Here’s what I don’t get. Why do many people–male and female–think it’s OK to make comments about the height of short people (especially short men), but would never think of making a comment to someone about their weight, skin color, or physical disabilities? We all have at least some control over our weight and body toneness (is that a word?), but none of us can control how short or tall we are. I am a 5′ 2″ man. Countless times I have been asked how tall I am. I would never consider asking a heavy person how much he/she weighs. Why the double-standard?

83. Shari Aug 6th 2008 at 04:26 pm 83

    re: James – I don’t think people asking your height is the same as asking someone their weight. I think because it’s an uncontrollable thing people are more comfortable with bringing it up. And it doesn’t just happen to shorter people. My boyfriend is 6′4″ and gets asked all the time how tall he is. I don’t think it’s a double standard at all, just our humanness that makes it easier to ask about inches rather than pounds.

84. A-L Sep 7th 2008 at 03:51 pm 84

    I finally feel as though I can comment on this topic. I’m short (5′1″) and have never had an issue with any of my date’s heights (which have ranged from 5′4″ to about 6′4″). Last night, however, I went on a date with a man whose profile said he was 5′4″ (but in reality, he wasn’t). I wore 2″ heels and at the end of the date I actually had to lean down to kiss him on the cheek. I don’t mind kissing a guy who’s head is level with mine, or taller, but that sensation of going down? No way. That moment made me feel as though I was with a kid, which does not me want to engage in any other physical activities with the person.

    Maybe it’s because this was my first time that it completely shocked my system, but I have to agree with the women who want someone who’s at least as tall as they are.

85. Sam Sep 8th 2008 at 08:45 am 85

    Wow, this comment train has been going on for a year. Like I said in Comment #2, I question why it’s okay to say things and ask questions which could lead to a person feeling self-conscious about his/her height, but it’s not okay to do the same about a person’s weight.

    Then again, I do it too. I’m 5′8” and I’m dating a girl who is 5′1”. The top of her head comes up to my chin. More than once I’ve just had to say “you’re so little!”

    I’ve NEVER done this, but I’ve heard very small women complaining about people trying to literally pick them up. (in some contexts that’s harassment). I doubt that any fat people get requests for people to use their fat folds as stress balls.

86. hunter Sep 9th 2008 at 06:54 pm 86

    I went on a dating site, and set my requirement for meeting a single woman, no less than 5′4″ and got very few prospects. I noticed the number of single women increased as, I lowered the height status…

87. hunter Sep 9th 2008 at 06:56 pm 87

    that was five feet, four inches…in the previous post…

88. Ashley Ju Sep 25th 2008 at 05:04 pm 88

    I’m pretty short myself being asian 5′3. For some reason I’ve always been more attracted to guys that are aout 6 feet, over, or just under since I started dating in the 8th grade. Its very simple really. Women like to feel feminine sometimes. We can have better jobs, or have a higher IQ but we like having a man around to make us feel girly every once in a while. I know the most amazing and sweetest guy thats about an inch taller than me but it just feels like I’m not standing next to a man… like I’d be dating a boy if I went out with him. Shallow I know but most men are too so I say it’s a fair trade. Do you think a man would rather go out with an ugly girl or a hot girl?

89. hunter Sep 25th 2008 at 06:08 pm 89

    on post #88

    Women all over this planet are attracted to men 6 feet tall and over, that is just, plain, basic law of attraction. Tall men tend, to make a woman feel “safer”. Making a woman “feel” safe, is the foundation of most relationships.

    I work around herds of men, and, have noticed, most have married the plain, average, girl next door type.

90. A-L Sep 25th 2008 at 06:46 pm 90

    I don’t know how I missed the end of Sam’s comment (#85) but I will say that it’s true about people trying to pick up the shorter folks. I’m 5′1″ and my best (female) friend is 5′10″. I’m the one who always seems to get picked up and thrown around (including over a guy’s shoulder in Peru where I almost flashed the whole audience…long story). She, however, always remains firmly planted on the ground even though I have a fuller figure than hers. Apparently there’s something about little people that just screams, “Pick me up!” Can’t say I’m complaining though. Particularly since my dating pool is far larger than my best friend’s, due to the variance in our heights (she wants a guy who’s 6′+).

91. Zain Sep 25th 2008 at 09:19 pm 91

    Post 88 Ashley Ju:

    The average height of a North American male is 177cm that is about five feet nine and a half inches. Men who are 6′0” and over. Make up only a small portion of the male population (around 20 to 25%) and that’s being generous. It could very well be lower then that. The fact is that by insisting on only dating men who are 6′0” or over you have eliminated more then half of the male population. and your chances of finding a compatible mate plummet. because let’s face it. Height is perhaps the worst indicator of future compatibility. You are really selling yourself short (pardon the pun) by weeding out such a large portion of the male population before you’ve even gotton to know them. If you are attracted to tall men that’s fine. but rejecting a shorter guy and not even giving him a chance is rather shallow and immature.

    You say dating a short men would feel like you are dating a boy. Are short men not real men? By the same logic should I assume a tall woman is not a real woman? because women are always suppose to be small and dainty? don’t you see how your logic falls apart? Futhermore being “short” and being “ugly” are not the same thing. Far from it. Being ugly is subjective it’s not something that can be measured like height. Ugliness differs for every person. What’s ugly to you may be attractive to someone else. So therefore you can’t compare being short to being ugly.

92. hunter Sep 25th 2008 at 10:09 pm 92

    to Zain on post #81,

    Fact is, a woman’s world of relationships, is not about statistics. It is about the word, “attraction.” Most women are attracted to very tall men, even if there is a smaller number of tall men in existence. Mostly, women don’t seek compatibility, until they are 40 years old.

    Also, most of the time, the word “Logic” does not exist in a woman’s world/relationships. Its us guys, that are limited by logic………LOL!

93. Michael Ejercito Sep 26th 2008 at 05:43 am 93

    This would mean a lot of women would be alone during their 20’s and 30’s- unless they are willing to share a man.

94. Zain Sep 26th 2008 at 11:09 am 94

    to post 92 hunter

    You sound quite rigid in your convictions I must say. First of all, I never argued the fact that women are attracted to taller men. However while many women prefer tall men that doesn’t always mean they will NEVER date a short man. Even on this site a few women have even defended short men so what you are saying is not in stone, there are always exceptions. I find it interesting you say “very tall men” though One of my good friends is 6′7”, He often complains women reject him because he is too tall. So taller does not necessarily mean better. You bring up the point about safety and how tall men make a woman feel “safe” While I agree with this I still find it rather irrational. “Safe” from what exactly? What is it that she needs protection from? Futhermore no amount of height is going to save you if your assailant is armed with a knife, a gun, a 2×4 etc. Most crooks carry weapons. Height is not a guarantee of safety. All it is, is an illusion.

    I find it very disturbing and sad when you say compatibility and logic don’t mean anything (or very little) to women. As if you are saying All women are dictacted by their vaginas and are not intelligent emotionally evolved adults. Yes I am attracted to women with large breasts and an hourglass figure, however those aren’t the apex of what I’m looking for, personality and compatibility are much more important.Hence why I wouldnt automatically reject a women who didn’t have those physical traits if she had other things I was looking for. That’s what it means to be a logical intelligent, emotionally evolved adult.

95. Zann Sep 26th 2008 at 07:43 pm 95

    I’d like to respond to Zain’s last post (and don’t confuse the two of us — I’m Zann, female, and he’s Zain). I’m actually a little shocked that this short-man debate has gotten so much mileage…you’d think we were discussing the roadmap to world peace or something. Sheesh. Anyway, I appreciate Zain’s defense of women’s concerns with compability and putting other male traits above a man’s height. And (surprise, Hunter) women are actually quite logical. Women spend a hell of a lot of time and precious energy trying to understand and accommodate the behaviors of men because personality and compatibility are important to us, and I believe that’s true of women well before age 40. For most women, even if a guy has great physical endowments (which is very subjectiive and relative) he’s going to need more than that for her to consider him more seriously. In my opinion, that’s a very fundamental difference between men and women, because I’ve known many men who can ride the shallow wave of a woman’s physicality for a long time, no problem, no questions asked. But in terms of the “safety” thing with women who seem to want a great big man, I have the same question as Zain…safety from what? I’ve known some pretty bad-ass short men, and if someone’s armed or psycho, Mr. Tall Guy isn’t going to automatically save the day. What I hear women say is they want to feel “little.” As in small and helpless. As if being a taller or bigger woman is taking up too much room or means you’re not lady-like. Nonsense. Women don’t do other women any favors by wanting to be small and helpless, because, for one thing, it’s a lie. We are NOT small and helpless, regardless of how tall or short we are. And why would you want to be? If you’re competent and believe iyou’ve got a right to walk tall with confidence, people will regard you that way. So, damn, don’t waste time wishing you were smaller or taller. You are what you are. Different strokes and all that.

96. A-L Sep 26th 2008 at 09:04 pm 96

    I wouldn’t necessarily take a guy’s advice on how a woman chooses a mate. Women don’t fall in love by looking at a guy’s appearance. They fall for a guy because of what he says & how he treats them. Physical appearance plays a role in the initial attraction, but it’s certainly not the be-all, end-all.

    At the same time, however, it’s fruitless to point out that women’s desires for a taller man is ridiculous and shallow. Attraction is what it is. Though some don’t like the comparison to weight because people do have some influence over it, there are many other factors over which people have no control, with race being one of the primary ones that come to mind. Asian men may be discriminated against by white women, but black women are discriminated against by almost all other races of males…how many times will a man’s profile list his willingness to date any race, so long as she’s not black? Instead of arguing that a guy is racist and really should consider women from all races a black woman just realizes that this obviously isn’t the right person for herself and moves on. The same should hold true for anyone else barred from someone’s list because of disabilities, race, height, etc.

    My $0.02.

97. Zain Sep 27th 2008 at 12:39 pm 97

    I hear this quite often “it’s pointless to argue about it attraction is what it is” I’m aware that my rantings on how shallow and rediculus it is to discriminate on height are probably not going to change any minds. It’s not about changing minds it’s about opening them. Yes many women are shallow when it comes to height. and there is very little I can do about that, but I really don’t see what obligation short men have to be quiet about it. I’m not saying women don’t have the right to be shallow or they don’t have the right to date who they are attracted to. I just think “shallow” choices should not be certified as “good choices”

    I mean if we are going to discriminate on the basis of a trait they have no control over why stop there?

    “I’m sorry i can’t date you, your neck is too wide”

    lol whatever.

98. Maddie Cartoonist Sep 29th 2008 at 10:43 am 98

    I’m a slender 5′4″ woman in my 40’s, considered good-looking. My 2 ex husbands were 6 foot and 5′8″. I’ve dated seriously two men who were 5′3″ – 5′4″ and lots in between.

    I actually prefer shorter men. Guys in the 6 foot range are just too uncomfortable to deal with. They are problematic to kiss–it gives me a stiff neck trying to reach up there. It’s hard to walk together with our arms around each other. Their stride is too long for me to keep up when they walk normally.

    Also, tall men in their 40’s and 50’s always seem to be wrecks. Knee problems, back problems, neck problems, etc etc. Give me a well-proportioned man who is structurally sound any day!

    Finally, tall guys are inconvenient. They take up too much room in bed (& they will complain unless you have some kind of extra special long bed), they always claim the aisle seat on the plane (because they’re so “uncomfortable” otherwise–but hey, I’d like to site in the aisle seat sometimes too!), and they insist on moving the driver’s seat of my car way back even if they are just taking it to the gas station, while never remembering to return it to it’s proper place.

    On the other hand, reasonably-sized men…..mmmmm! I like my short men strong and fit. But you guys gotta be confident! 1) Don’t lie about your height or wear lifts in your shoes! Total turnoff. 2) Don’t whine about me wearing heels when we go out. This makes me feel bad and you look like an idiot. 3) and of course it goes without saying, Napoleon complex = not dating me!

99. Chelsea Sep 29th 2008 at 03:30 pm 99

    I am 5″7 and am what most would consider a “girly girl”. I love looking feminine, and I embrace my curves. I enjoy getting dressed up to go out, and have quite the collection of high heeled shoes, 3-4 ‘ stilettos being my favourite. When I go out to clubs, I often feel as if I am towering over everyone. So if I were to date a shorter guy, I feel as if it would just accentuate my height and rather than appearing feminine, I would appear to be a gargantuan/amazonian beast. Women are supposed to be petite and delicate. How are we to feel protected when we are with a man that we tower over or outweigh. I personally refuse to date anyone under 6ft tall. I want to feel as if he would be able to protect me in a dangerous situation, I want to feel small, and delicate, and feminine, and I want to be able to wear my heels without making my partner insecure. I think its bizarre to see tall women dating shorter men… It looks awkward, and more like a mother and child than two consenting adults in a relationship. I feel for the short guys, but there are lots of petite women out there. My sister is 5′2. So they should stick to people of similar stature when looking for a mate. Personality can only get you so far in a relationship, that animalistic physical attraction needs to be there as well. And that just does not exist for me when it comes to short men.

100. Zain Sep 30th 2008 at 04:04 pm 100

     Post 99 Chelsea

     I find your post quite shocking from what I’ve gathered you seem to think there is only one physical standard when it comes to dating. The man must always be bigger and taller then the women. You say it looks bizarre when a tall woman is with a short man? by the same logic do you think it’s bizarre when you see:

     A black man with a white woman?
     A skinny man with a large or chubby woman?
     A rich woman with a poor man?
     An athletic man with a out of shape woman?

     Ever heard the phrase opposites attract?

     lol I could go on and on and on. You say that a tall woman and a short man look like mother and child. I could say the same thing about a tall man and a short woman that they look like father and daughter. Futhermore, You have any idea how many women outweigh their husbands and boyfriends? Women put on weight much easier then men do they carry more fat cells. and have a higher percentage of bodyfat. On average women aren’t THAT much smaller then men contrary to what Hollywood has taught you. The majority of women (especially black and caucasion women) are anything but “small and delicate” A woman does not need a large hulking man to feel feminine. A woman is a woman regardless. The problem is YOU not him.

     See the gapping hole in your logic? It seems to me. Height is very important to you but it’s for all the wrong reasons. You need a tall man to protect you in a dangerous situation? Wow I had no idea tall men were bulletproof and resistant to knife attacks. Your boyfriend could be as tall as Hulk Hogan but if a dangerous violent crook wants to do harm to him or to you.

     He’ll find a way.

     The majority of violent offenders are armed with weapons. He could also have several of his buddies to back him up in which height and size will be of little help. If you really want to feel safe when you go out perhaps you should avoid seedy areas that make you feel unsafe?

     It seems to me that physical requirements are at the apex of what you are looking for. This is rather sad.

     You are by all means entitled to date whoever you are attracted to However your justifications are laughable and Your logic is very weak as well and flawed. Animalistic physical attraction? lol what drivel. Humans are logical thinking creatures it is what seperates “us” from “them”

101. Tyler Oct 1st 2008 at 03:24 pm 101

     Zain,

     I just don’t see the point of trying to convince someone who isn’t attracted to your type to reconsider. I am short with an average-size hour glass figure. I don’t try to convince men who prefer tall, thin athletic types that they really should be attracted to me. It’s losing battle and life is too short to waste time on something you can’t win. Plus, I don’t begrude anyone their preference as there are loads of men who do like my type. So, I say just go for women who like short men — and there are plenty that do.

     One other thing, I think people only begin to look outside their preferences when they can’t attract the people who are their preferences. If a woman prefers tall, great guys and she attracts them, why would she go out with a short, great guy? There really is no reason for her to do so.

102. Karl R Oct 2nd 2008 at 12:15 pm 102

     Chealsea (#99) wrote:

     “if I were to date a shorter guy … I would appear to be a gargantuan/amazonian beast.”

     Kerri Walsh is 8″ taller than you. I would call her an amazon. And when I look at Kerri Walsh, I think “Wow!” She’s definitely hotter than her 5′9″ partner, Misty May-Treanor.

     “How are we to feel protected when we are with a man that we tower over or outweigh.”

     Let me count the ways:
     1) Date a police officer who carries a gun and has been trained how to use it.
     2) Date someone who has practiced martial arts.
     3) Learn and practice martial arts, so you can feel safe and protected even when your man isn’t around.

     I advocate the third option. It’s the most reliable.

     “I personally refuse to date anyone under 6ft tall. I want to feel as if he would be able to protect me in a dangerous situation,”

     Thanks for the comedic relief.

     Get your boyfriend a handgun, a concealed-carry permit, a bulletproof vest, and 100 hours of practice at a shooting range. He’ll be able to protect you far better in a dangerous situation than your average NBA star … even if he’s 5′2″.

     “I want to be able to wear my heels without making my partner insecure.”

     If your partner feels insecure when he’s with a woman who is taller than him, then he’s insecure. A secure man feels secure regardless of the height of his partner.

     “that animalistic physical attraction needs to be there … And that just does not exist for me when it comes to short men.”

     This is sufficient reason to avoid dating a short man. Short men don’t turn you on.

     Your attempts to make your preference seem like a logical decision, however, are hilarious.

103. hunter Oct 2nd 2008 at 06:28 pm 103

     to Zain on post #94

     You are attracted to the hour glass figure with D-cups? Yet, that is not the apex of what you are looking for? How strange, most men, would find such a woman very compatible and with lots of personality!……LOL!…Seriously, the few(hour glass/D-cup women) that I have met, and talked to, amazed me. It was not the women that lacked in personality….

104. hunter Oct 2nd 2008 at 06:36 pm 104

     to Zann on post #95

     You say women are quite logical, hhhmmhh.,,,,

105. hunter Oct 3rd 2008 at 06:49 am 105

     to Zann on post #95

     Read Mark Evan’s recent letter to him about a woman who got her face punched, she divorces him, yet, continues to have sex with him. Or how about the woman that knows that the man she is seeing is not going to marry her, yet, she won’ leave him, until, the “right” one comes along. Are these women using logic?

106. hunter Oct 3rd 2008 at 06:58 am 106

     to Zann on #95

     Or maybe I should rephrase that, is this particular mode of reasoning, viewed as valid?……

107. Zain Oct 3rd 2008 at 11:20 am 107

     To Tyler:

     Tyler Said:
     “I just don’t see the point of trying to convince someone who isn’t attracted to your type to reconsider. I am short with an average-size hour glass figure.”

     I’m not trying to “convince” people to be attracted to people they are not attracted to. That is an obvious straw man argument. What I am doing is pointing out flawed logic and irrational behavior. It’s up to them to own up to it. If these women want to continue being illogical and irrational. That’s their choice, however someone who refuses to grow and change, refuses to scrutinize their own way of thinking or at least put things in a logical reasonable perspective, is not a very desirable person to want to be around in my opinion.

     Tyler Said:
     “I don’t try to convince men who prefer tall, thin athletic types that they really should be attracted to me. It’s losing battle and life is too short to waste time on something you can’t win. Plus, I don’t begrude anyone their preference as there are loads of men who do like my type. So, I say just go for women who like short men — and there are plenty that do.”

     I’m sorry but this is just straw man argument built ontop of another straw man argument. Yes people have preferences but that is not the issue. The issue is so many women value height so much that it is no longer a preference but a requirement.

     “I like what I like” is just another circular argument.

     Tyler Said:

     “So, I say just go for women who like short men — and there are plenty that do.”

     Wow that’s just sound advice why didn’t I think of that! (okay enough sarcasm) Yes there are women who don’t mind short men however the numbers aren’t very encouraging. Just go on google or any dating forum. You’ll find plenty of articles and threads about how short men struggle more then anyone when it comes to dating. If what you are saying was true you wouldn’t hear so much about the subject. I’m sorry but the numbers just don’t check out.

     Tyler Said:
     “One other thing, I think people only begin to look outside their preferences when they can’t attract the people who are their preferences. If a woman prefers tall, great guys and she attracts them, why would she go out with a short, great guy? There really is no reason for her to do so.”

     Because the tall great guy is not the one asking her out? but the short great guy is? Futhermore, The tall great guy could be gay, already taken, not looking for a relationship, etc Of course all things being equal if she had a choice she would choose the tall guy over the short guy however things rarely workout that way. Are you saying she shouldn’t even give the short guy a chance even if the tall guy is unavailable? If she rejects him solely on the basis of his height (a trait that has nothing to do with who he is btw) and doesn’t even give him a chance to show her what kind of person he is she is being shallow, irrational, and illogical. Like I said if she can own up to it and admit it fine, She’s still behaving foolishly but acceptance is atleast alot better then justification. She atleast knows she is hindering her own progress when it comes to finding a mate so really she deserves the hinderance.

108. Zain Oct 3rd 2008 at 11:44 am 108

     To hunter:

     No an hourglass figure and D-cups are not the apex of what I’m looking for. They are preferences not requirements. If you are looking for a one nighter then by all means be as shallow as you want. However when it comes to a LTR Compatibility and personality should taken with more consideration. Not saying looks are not important, they are. However other things are even more important when looking for a mate.

     I never said ALL women were logical. I’m not a woman so I cannot speak on behalf of them as an authority and neither can you. but to make the claim that logic and reason mean nothing to the entire female gender is just silly.

     Your article is interesting however it doesn’t prove or disprove anything. Futhermore, I know plenty of men who get treated like crap by their girlfriends .They were verbally abused as well as physically yet they still stayed with them because they were attractive Can you explain how men are any more logical then women?

109. Tyler Oct 3rd 2008 at 12:41 pm 109

     Zain,

     Based on the heat I felt from your reply, I can see that women who dismiss short guys really bother you. However, I don’t think the way to help women — or anybody for that matter — to grow and change is to insult and belittle them. I didn’t say anything mean or condescending to you or short men in my reply. Yet, I feel like I’ve gotten the smackdown from you just for expressing what my personal experience has taught me — it is useless to get people to change their preferences, requirements or whatever you chose to call them. I’ve found it’s not my business to change people. It’s my business to change myself. When I accepted that fact, the world became a much more fun place from me to live.

     However, if you are committed to getting women to consider your case for why they should date short men, you might want to stop calling them irrational, illogical, and shallow. It’s really hard for a woman to listen to anything a man has to say when he has told her that she is foolish and stupid.

110. hunter Oct 3rd 2008 at 02:22 pm 110

     On #108

     Men that I know, who stay in an uncomfortable relationship, have already been divorced once, some twice, and they refuse to pay for another divorce.

     I think that, not all women are illogical, irrational and sometimes irritating. It just, may be that there is a bigger “pool” of them out there, that are….

111. hunter Oct 3rd 2008 at 02:36 pm 111

     to Tyler on #101

     Most men I know, stay with the woman that is attracted to them……

112. Shari Oct 3rd 2008 at 05:17 pm 112

     Why is it that so many people get on the bandwagon for short men, but no one wants to talk about how an overweight woman should be appreciated for who she is and what she brings to the table, and not for her body size? Men are allowed to say they aren’t attracted to a woman over a certain size and that’s okay, they’re attracted to who they’re attracted to. But when a woman says she’s not attracted to a short man – which, by the way, is also a person of a certain size – because shes attracted to who she’s attracted to, she’s told she’s not giving the guy a chance.

     So for the men here who have been all over that argument, would you go out with an overweight woman?

113. hunter Oct 4th 2008 at 06:52 am 113

     To Shari on post #112

     There seems to be more, large, single, available women. My only requirement, is that they fit in my car, I drive an import.

114. Michael Ejercito Oct 4th 2008 at 10:15 am 114

     It is easier for to lose pounds than to gain inches.

115. Shari Oct 4th 2008 at 10:52 am 115

     So Hunter in Post #113 – you’re perusing your favorite dating site and my profile pops up. I’m very honest and say, that while I don’t qualify as a BBW, I am a size 20, well proportioned, and not sloppy. But the profile that’s next to mine has all the same amenities as I offer – such as equal intelligence, humor, etc – except she’s a size 6. You’re going to contact me rather than her?

116. Shari Oct 5th 2008 at 06:59 am 116

     Michael in #114

     Some overweight women are happy with where they’re at with no desire to lose weight, so that puts them right in the category of the short man. My point is not how easy it is to change, but how the bias exists with overweight women and is accepted because it’s okay to be turned off by body size as long as it’s the width of the body size, not the height.

117. hunter Oct 5th 2008 at 07:31 am 117

     On post #115,

     I normally won’t ask a woman about her dress size. If a size 20 fits in my car, yes, I would ask her out…..

118. Shari Oct 5th 2008 at 11:46 am 118

     Hunter on #117

     You’re avoiding my question. For the sake of making the point we’re going to say my profile admits to me having extra padding, and the profile next to me is listed as fit and athletic so you don’t need to inquire about either of our dress sizes. In all other areas she and I are equal. If you’re like 85% of the men out there, you’re going to pick Miss Fit & Athletic over Miss Extra Padding before even getting to know us.

     This is why I think the debate over height being an unfair bias to men misses the point that weight is as equally unfair to the overweight women. To argue against women who don’t like short men because that’s their personal preference and label them as being narrow sighted, without facing the fact that men do the same with overweight women, is only accepting half the reality. If it’s okay for a man to bypass the overweight woman without getting to know her, then it’s just as okay for a woman to bypass a short man.

     The bottomline is, if anyone can’t see past your height, weight, hair color, religion, or whatever it is about you that makes you different, then they aren’t worth your time. Someone will come along who appreciates you for what’s on the inside and it’s the person who takes the time to find that out who’s worth spending your time with.

119. Zain Oct 5th 2008 at 01:56 pm 119

     Tyler Said:
     “Based on the heat I felt from your reply, I can see that women who dismiss short guys really bother you. However, I don’t think the way to help women — or anybody for that matter — to grow and change is to insult and belittle them. I didn’t say anything mean or condescending to you or short men in my reply. Yet, I feel like I’ve gotten the smackdown from you just for expressing what my personal experience has taught me — it is useless to get people to change their preferences, requirements or whatever you chose to call them. I’ve found it’s not my business to change people. It’s my business to change myself. When I accepted that fact, the world became a much more fun place from me to live.”

     I’d be lying if I said women dismissing short guys didn’t bother me. It does, However I’m even more bothered by, flawed logic, irrational behavior, generalizations, and especially Straw man arguments. You are deliberately misrepresenting my position on the subject matter to make my arguments easier for you to refute and make your own arguments stronger. This is wrong and unethical. I don’t recall insulting or belittling you or anyone in any of my posts. I never called anyone names or made any threats. All I’m doing is like I said before pointing out flawed and illogical behavior. I’m sorry if that comes off as mean or condescending because that is not my intent. However people will get angry when you punch holes in their arguments they interpet that as an insult or personal attack. We need to get one thing straight. I’m not attacking you, I’m attacking your position on the subject matter.

     Tyler Said:
     “it is useless to get people to change their preferences, requirements or whatever you chose to call them. I’ve found it’s not my business to change people. It’s my business to change myself. When I accepted that fact, the world became a much more fun place from me to live.”

     Read my older posts. I’m not trying to change anything. It’s up to THEM to want to change their views you’re doing it again, making straw man arguments If these women can refute my position with logic and reason I’ll shut up, but until then I’ll continue punching holes in their arguments.

     Tyler Said:
     “However, if you are committed to getting women to consider your case for why they should date short men, you might want to stop calling them irrational, illogical, and shallow. It’s really hard for a woman to listen to anything a man has to say when he has told her that she is foolish and stupid.”

     LOL so what are you suggesting exactly?
     These are just more Straw men, I said they were irrational illogical and shallow, not foolish and stupid. Rejecting someone on the sole basis of a trait they that have no control over and has nothing to do with who that person is That is the very definition of shallowness, irrationality, and illogical behavior. You can’t argue with facts.

     Would you like to try again?

120. Zain Oct 5th 2008 at 06:05 pm 120

     Shari Post #118

     Men do discriminate based on weight the same way women discriminate on height and yes it is shallow however weight and height are not the same thing.

     First of all, Weight can be changed, height cannot. Fat people can always lose weight however it is impossible for a short man to get taller (unless they resort to limb lengething surgury an extremely expensive painful time consuming procedure which only adds at most maybe 2 and a half inches of height) When I see a woman who is very overweight it usually tells me a few things.
     She lives an inactive and unhealthy lifestyle and she does not watch what she eats. When you see a short man what does that tell you about him? nothing, absolutely norhing, Being overweight effects your health and longevity being short does not. I don’t know about you but I’d like a girl who has a strong ticker and can keep up with me. I’m aware that there are some people who are overweight due to conditions that are not in their control (they have a medical condition such as weight gain put on during pregnancy weight gain due to medication and so fourth) However I’m positive that for every woman who’s overweight due to a medical condition They’re 20 women who got that way due to things like laziness, piss poor diet, and so fourth.

     Being a short man is not the same thing as being a fat woman a fat man is the same as being a fat woman.

121. Zann Oct 5th 2008 at 06:36 pm 121

     Shari makes a very valid point. First, let me clarify: I like short men. Maybe because I’m a small woman. But I also like big men & those in between. For me, it all comes down to what kind of male energy I get off the guy. But to put it bluntly, why should women spend a lot of time sympathizing with the short man when what he goes through is nothing different than what probably 75%+ of the female adult population goes through daily, repeatedly — women who fall outside what our culture has identified as “the ideal weight.” Meaning, we are influenced by our culture. This is not rational thought, it’s all subjective. It isn’t innate, and it hasn’t always been like this. It’s learned behavior. And it will stay like that until people start making the effort to look beyond body size when “sizing up” a potential mate. Good, SEXY people come in all sizes. Sure, you can keep your deeply held biases; it’s your call. But — practically speaking — why decrease your options with something as random and, for the most part, genetically related as height, body size?

     And geeeeez Louise, can we talk about something else now?

122. Shari Oct 5th 2008 at 10:15 pm 122

     Zain in #120

     See my response to Michael in post #116.

     The sad thing is, most people feel as you do about overweight people – men and women alike – and don’t give them a chance based on who they are first. My point is, if that’s acceptable, then how come we’re all over women pushing aside short men? A bias is a bias and the outcome the same, the inner person is never explored because of the societal stereotype of the outer person.

123. Lena Oct 5th 2008 at 11:09 pm 123

     I know this blog post is from over a year ago, but whatever happened to Tom? Did he eventually find a girlfriend? Is he currently in a relationship? (The link in the original post to his Match.com profile says “profile not found.”) Somebody update us, please. Thanks!

124. Tyler Oct 6th 2008 at 11:16 am 124

     Zain,

     There is nothing to try. In your world, you have the facts on your side — women are being shallow, irrational and illogical in dismissing short men.

     In my world, I have facts on my side too — women don’t care if they are being shallow, irrational, and illogical in dismissing short men because in the area of love and attraction — for many people — both men and women — logic and reason don’t matter to them…being shallow doesn’t matter to them. Do you think that by calling women shallow it will somehow shame them into wanting to behave differently? We live in a shallow, appearance-rules society. People no longer are ashamed to be shallow — they embrace it.

     So, Zain, all I was ever trying to point out is that is your audience just isn’t buying what you’re selling because they don’t care about it and and they don’t want it — it might actually be what they need, but it’s not what they want. You want to sell logic and reason and fairness and they want to buy chemistry and attraction and passion. You can continue to argue with that if you want, but I’ve got the facts on my side on this one….loads of women won’t give short men the time of day.

     Finally, Zain, let’s be honest, you could care less if women in general gave short guys in general a shot. You just want more of the women YOU find attractive to give YOU a shot. And, you know what, that’s ok too. Cause we also live in the ME generation.

     By the way, in the last paragraph of your post #107, you did in fact call women foolish….

     Like I said if she can own up to it and admit it fine, She’s still behaving foolishly but acceptance is atleast alot better then justification. She atleast knows she is hindering her own progress when it comes to finding a mate so really she deserves the hinderance.

125. Zain Oct 6th 2008 at 11:20 am 125

     When it comes to weight it is not just about attraction. It’s a health issue. Being overweight is just not healthy. That is a fact. and I’d never reject a woman who was a little on the bigger side to me that’s not really overweight. (I like curves actually) As long as she’s got the energy level (and a nice rack to boot) reel her in! Futhermore very few men have “weight preferences” or “weight requirements” as in they narrow it down to some number. In my entire life I’ve never heard of a woman being rejected because she weighed 120lbs instead of 115lbs Yet I’ve seen tons of guys get rejected because they didn’t meet some height “cutoff” that plenty of women have. So I’ll say it again it’s just not the same thing. Zann you say that 75% + of women go through the same thing when it comes to weight? I find that very hard to believe. Even if that was true it doesn’t matter. Weight can be still be controlled. Height cannot. So who do you think I’m gonna sympathize with more? I agree it is shallow to discriminate on weight however it’s even more shallow to discriminate on a trait that they have no control over.

     As for post #116 so what if those women are happy with their weight? If that’s the case then she shouldnt care if a guy rejects her because she’s too big for him. The bottom line is if a large woman is being rejected because of her weight she can atleast do something about it. Short men however do not have that luxary.

     So I’ll say it again and again and again.

     IT IS NOT THE SAME THING

     and let’s not forget all those men who love bbws

126. Tyler Oct 6th 2008 at 12:42 pm 126

     Weight might be about health for some men but for many men (and women) who are really honest, it’s about looks — plain and simple. And, you know what? I say the same thing to overweight people — even if they can change their conditions. Don’t try to convince people who don’t find you attractive that they should at least try to get to know you because it doesn’t work. How many married women start a relationship thin and gain weight for whatever reason and their boyfriends/husbands are no longer attracted to them. These men know these women on the inside, but when they no longer feel physically attracted to them, serious problems arise in the relationship. Why you ask? Because a critical component of romantic relationships is physical attraction. End of story.

     I really don’t understand why people even feel that they have to justify their preferences. I don’t and won’t and I don’t care what other people think. I think (and I include myself in this observation), people often bristle at preferences when they don’t meet it. So, on my unenlighted days, I do feel down when men say they like younger women, thin, athletic women, or white/asian/latino women. Why — because I am old, curvy, and black. If I were a young, thin, hot Latina chick, I wouldn’t mind those preferences one little bit.

     As I was saying, I don’t feel I have to justify my preferences. Who wants to defend why they like the color blue or why daisies are their favorite flower. Importantly I don’t expect men to justify their preferences either. I never ask men why they like younger women, or skinny women, or outgoing women. I’m only concerned about if they like the type of woman I am.

127. Zain Oct 6th 2008 at 05:11 pm 127

     Tyler Said:
     “In my world, I have facts on my side too — women don’t care if they are being shallow, irrational, and illogical in dismissing short men because in the area of love and attraction — for many people — both men and women — logic and reason don’t matter to them…being shallow doesn’t matter to them. Do you think that by calling women shallow it will somehow shame them into wanting to behave differently? We live in a shallow, appearance-rules society. People no longer are ashamed to be shallow — they embrace it. “

     Now you are contradicting yourself. First you said I shouldn’t call women shallow irrational and so fourth now you are saying that they don’t care and that they embrace it? So in that case it’s okay to for them to be labeled as such. LOL so tell me Tyler which one is it? I even said that acceptance of shallowness is better then justification if she owns up to it, fine by me. You say that women don’t care if they are labeled as shallow and irrational, well if that’s the case why do they get so defensive why you call them out on that behaviour? Why did you feel so obliged to respond in the first place?

     Tyler said:
     “So, Zain, all I was ever trying to point out is that is your audience just isn’t buying what you’re selling because they don’t care about it and and they don’t want it — it might actually be what they need, but it’s not what they want. You want to sell logic and reason and fairness and they want to buy chemistry and attraction and passion. You can continue to argue with that if you want, but I’ve got the facts on my side on this one….loads of women won’t give short men the time of day.”

     Just who elected you spokesperson for everyone on here? You don’t speak for everyone you can only speak for yourself. And honestly judging by your tone you are clearly getting personal. Please learn to attack the person’s position rather then the person Logic and reason are things I can’t instill I keep telling you. It’s up to them, not me. Logic reason, fairness, chemistry passion and attraction These things can go hand and hand. There are women on here who have said they are open to dating short men and have defended short men. So yes these women can be logical and rational.

     “but I’ve got the facts on my side on this one….loads of women won’t give short men the time of day.”

     What is the point of this statement? I never argued otherwise.

     “Finally, Zain, let’s be honest, you could care less if women in general gave short guys in general a shot. You just want more of the women YOU find attractive to give YOU a shot. And, you know what, that’s ok too. Cause we also live in the ME generation.”

     I do care because I am a Short man. However even if I wasn’t flawed logic is still flawed logic. It doesn’t matter whether it’s related to height or not.

     Tyler said:
     “By the way, in the last paragraph of your post #107, you did in fact call women foolish….”

     I said they were BEHAVING foolish. But so what? According to you they don’t care if someone calls them illogical, or shallow, why would they care if I called them foolish?

     Perhaps they should embrace it?

128. Zain Oct 6th 2008 at 05:18 pm 128

     Tyler Said:
     “Weight might be about health for some men but for many men (and women) who are really honest, it’s about looks — plain and simple. And, you know what? I say the same thing to overweight people — even if they can change their conditions. Don’t try to convince people who don’t find you attractive that they should at least try to get to know you because it doesn’t work. How many married women start a relationship thin and gain weight for whatever reason and their boyfriends/husbands are no longer attracted to them. These men know these women on the inside, but when they no longer feel physically attracted to them, serious problems arise in the relationship. Why you ask? Because a critical component of romantic relationships is physical attraction. End of story.”

     No no one should be forced to date someone they are not attracted to. If she simply does not find short men attractive fair enough. However here are some reasons I hear of why women dismiss short men.
     1. “I like to wear heels”
     2. Short men have Napoleon complex”
     3. My father/ex-boyfriend/brother is a short man he is mean”
     4. “A short man can’t protect me in a dangerous situation
     5. People will laugh at me because he’s shorter then me”

     I could go on. Notice that NONE of these have anything to do with attraction. These are just shallow and illogical reasons used to justify what women call a preference (when in reality it’s a requirement apparently many women just convince themselves that a requirement and a preference are the same thing.) As for husbands no longer being attracted to their wives when they put on weight, so what? What does that have to do with anything? Marriages and relationships end up dissolving for all sorts of reasons and many of those reasons have nothing to do with physical attraction. Futhermore I’ve known countless women who’ve said they would NEVER date a short man yet they ended up marrying one or dating one anyway. Or women who say “damn he’s cute, too bad he’s too short” so really how much of it is about attraction?

     Tyler Said:
     “I really don’t understand why people even feel that they have to justify their preferences. I don’t and won’t and I don’t care what other people think. I think (and I include myself in this observation), people often bristle at preferences when they don’t meet it. So, on my unenlighted days, I do feel down when men say they like younger women, thin, athletic women, or white/asian/latino women. Why — because I am old, curvy, and black. If I were a young, thin, hot Latina chick, I wouldn’t mind those preferences one little bit. ”

     Preferences are fine, we all got them however when one trait is so valued it trumps over all traits. That’s not a preference it’s a requirement. And when a physical trait is more important then anything else (meaning he could be everything you are looking for but he’s an inch or two below your cutoff then you are putting a physical trait above everything else and yes that does mean you are shallow. If you don’t want to justify it, that’s fine you don’t need to date who you like but it doesn’t change the fact that you are still shallow.

     Tyler Said:
     “As I was saying, I don’t feel I have to justify my preferences. Who wants to defend why they like the color blue or why daisies are their favorite flower. Importantly I don’t expect men to justify their preferences either. I never ask men why they like younger women, or skinny women, or outgoing women. I’m only concerned about if they like the type of woman I am.”

     I never asked you or anyone to justify your preferences. Frankly, preferences are not even the issue.

129. Tyler Oct 7th 2008 at 12:33 pm 129

     Zain,

     This will be my last reply to you because consistent with my original position, it is useless to try to change a person’s mind about anything unless the person actually has the desire to change or to view things differently. So, here I go.

     Just like most human beings, I have said and done contradictory things a time or two in my life, but not in this instance. Just as you accused me of purposely misstating your argument, you have done the same to me. I never indicated that you shouldn’t call women irrational, illogical or shallow because your assessment of their behavior was incorrect . What I said was that from my experience, is it counterproductive to call people names if you actually want them to listen to what you have to say. If women are thanking you for pointing out the foolish of their ways and are becoming eager to date short men, then keeping doing what you are doing. However, if you are not having success, then maybe a new approach is in order.

     Who appointed me representative of all women? I am self-appointed….that’s the nature of blogs. Regardless of whether or not it is true, many of us to extrapolate from our own experiences and attribute our observations to all. I’m willing to admit that. Are you? The interesting thing is when I did say that I was just relating my personal experience, you weren’t any more likely to value my viewpoint.

     The crazy thing is, Zain, that I am not disagreeing with what you are saying. I’m not certain why you don’t see that. I said two things that I will continue to stand by — people don’t open themselves up to change unless they want to – you will be fighting an uphill battle to get women – especially women dating on-line – to let go of their requirement for a tall man. Second, if you want to persist in your quest, you might try delivering your argument without insulting them in the process.

     I thought about your statement that I was attacking you and I was tempted to apologize, but then I realized I have no need to do so. If you feel I was attacking you because I said that your motivations weren’t really for the good of all man and womankind but for yourself, then so be it. It was an attack that simply indicated you are human and driven by self interest just like the rest of us.

     As for your charge about shortness not being about attraction, I strongly disagree. There are at least two components to physical—the face and the body. How many overweight women have been told they have beautiful faces but the body doesn’t match? Have you heard then term butter face? It refers to a woman who has a great body, but an ugly face. Why do so many men insist on a face and body picture? Because they don’t just want a cute face; they want a hot body too. So just because a woman thinks a short man is handsome, she can still find his short stature unappealing – therefore she is not physically attracted to his entire package. So, shortness can still about physical attraction and chemistry.

     Regarding your statement that people break up for many reasons – yes that is true, but that fact is not inconsistent with my assertion that for both men and women, when the physical attraction they felt for a partner disappears, that can cause significant problems in the relationship. So, my point is why try to start a relationship on a shaky foundation in the first place – I’m not really attracted to you, but I’ll give you a chance anyway. Yes, I know, some people grow more attractive as you get to know them. But, when dating on-line, the illusion of abundance makes people feel that that they don’t need to compromise on their physical requirements – including height.

     Finally, you mentioned that you know women who have said that they would never date a short man, but they did and some even married short men. Well then, Zain, I guess height isn’t an unshakable requirement for all women afterall. Perhaps you should talk to those women and find out what made the change their minds. I’m willing to bet it wasn’t because the guy told them that their behavior was irrational, illogical, shallow, and foolish.

130. Zain Oct 7th 2008 at 06:00 pm 130

     Tyler Said:
     “Just like most human beings, I have said and done contradictory things a time or two in my life, but not in this instance. Just as you accused me of purposely misstating your argument, you have done the same to me. I never indicated that you shouldn’t call women irrational, illogical or shallow because your assessment of their behavior was incorrect . What I said was that from my experience, is it counterproductive to call people names if you actually want them to listen to what you have to say. If women are thanking you for pointing out the foolish of their ways and are becoming eager to date short men, then keeping doing what you are doing. However, if you are not having success, then maybe a new approach is in order.”

     I already stated from the beginning that I don’t think I’m going to change anyone’s mind on the subject matter. However I still wanted to state my opinions on the subject regardless on why I believe these women are being shallow irrational and illogical. This is a blog people talk about things that interest them. I’m not some holy crusader I have no agenda. This has nothing to do with being counter productive. It’s just an opinion that’s all. You say that my assessment of their behaviour is incorrect how so? Please explain so far you’ve provided nothing that refutes my arguments aside from wave after wave of straw man fallacies that were very easily shot down. You accuse me of calling people names please show me where I called anyone an idiot, a moron, a jerk etc. I described a state of behavior. I never called anyone any names. And yes you did infact contradict yourself. By saying that I shouldn’t call these women shallow then you turn around and say that they embrace this behavior now you are saying that my assessment is incorrect lol see how you are going around in circles?

     Tyler Said:
     “Who appointed me representative of all women? I am self-appointed….that’s the nature of blogs. Regardless of whether or not it is true, many of us to extrapolate from our own experiences and attribute our observations to all. I’m willing to admit that. Are you? The interesting thing is when I did say that I was just relating my personal experience, you weren’t any more likely to value my viewpoint”

     You self appointed to only speak for YOURSELF not all women.. That’s the difference. While I do value your viewpoint that doesn’t mean it’s more valueable then anyone else’s Your viewpoint is just one of millions so really no it’s not that valueable.

     Tyler Said:
     “The crazy thing is, Zain, that I am not disagreeing with what you are saying. I’m not certain why you don’t see that. I said two things that I will continue to stand by — people don’t open themselves up to change unless they want to – you will be fighting an uphill battle to get women – especially women dating on-line – to let go of their requirement for a tall man. Second, if you want to persist in your quest, you might try delivering your argument without insulting them in the process.”

     There is no quest. I already stated many times that women are free to date whoever they like. It’s their choice to be shallow it’s their choice to be illogical I’m just stating what I think So tell me what quest are you on? You feel so obliged to keep returning to these blogs ? Funny thing is I actually agree with what YOU are saying as well. I’m not certain why YOU don’t see that either. And lastly, I didn’t insult anyone I don’t know why you keep jumping back to that.

     Tyler Said:
     “I thought about your statement that I was attacking you and I was tempted to apologize, but then I realized I have no need to do so. If you feel I was attacking you because I said that your motivations weren’t really for the good of all man and womankind but for yourself, then so be it. It was an attack that simply indicated you are human and driven by self interest just like the rest of us.”

     Nothing wrong with attacking somebody as long as you attack the person’s argument rather then the person themselves Humans are driven by self interest however I already said why I care about why women give short man a shot I am a short man. So in a way you are right However just because I’m concerned with my own interests as a short man doesn’t mean I’m not concerned with anyone else’s I have no idea where you got that from.

     Tyler Said:

     “As for your charge about shortness not being about attraction, I strongly disagree. There are at least two components to physical—the face and the body. How many overweight women have been told they have beautiful faces but the body doesn’t match? Have you heard then term butter face? It refers to a woman who has a great body, but an ugly face. Why do so many men insist on a face and body picture? Because they don’t just want a cute face; they want a hot body too. So just because a woman thinks a short man is handsome, she can still find his short stature unappealing – therefore she is not physically attracted to his entire package. So, shortness can still about physical attraction and chemistry.”

     You’re missing the point. I never said that shortness wasn’t about attraction. What I’m saying is it isn’t ALWAYS about attraction as in when a woman rejects a short man it isn’t always because she doesn’t find short men physically attractive it could be: false stereotypes about short men, bigotry, ignorance insecurities (“Oh no people will think we look weird together etc) and so fourth these reasons have very little to do with physical attraction. Rejecting short men because one is not physically attracted to short men is very logical. You’re forgetting another component mental/emotional. I’ve met women who were very physically attractive. Yet when they opened their mouths and started talking and showed me what type of personality they had I was instantly turned off. Physical looks are important but they will only get you so far. And if you want anyone to stick around long term you’re gonna need more then just looks. Once people see your true colors how good looking you are won’t mean a damn thing. I’ve met plenty of tall good looking guys who had great bodies. Yet women still wouldn’t give them the time of day because they were obnoxious rude, or socially inept. I know women who are very attractive yet their SOs while not ugly, aren’t really considered good looking by “traditional” standards and no their SOs are not rich and they are not tall. so tell me Tyler how do explain that? I see plenty of couples like that. Futhermore I don’t know about you but “Tall” does not automatically guarantee “handsome” They’re just as many ugly tall men as they’re ugly short men. Short men can have great attractive bodies because it’s much easier for a short man to build muscle then it is for a tall man.

     Tyler Said:
     “Regarding your statement that people break up for many reasons – yes that is true, but that fact is not inconsistent with my assertion that for both men and women, when the physical attraction they felt for a partner disappears, that can cause significant problems in the relationship. So, my point is why try to start a relationship on a shaky foundation in the first place – I’m not really attracted to you, but I’ll give you a chance anyway. Yes, I know, some people grow more attractive as you get to know them. But, when dating on-line, the illusion of abundance makes people feel that that they don’t need to compromise on their physical requirements – including height.”

     I already established already that physical attraction is important and people should date who they are attracted to why is this so hard for you to understand?
     When it comes to finding someone to marry I would think physical requirements were even less important. You want someone who shares your beliefs, values, compatibility, is this man going to be able to provide for our family? Will he be a good husband? A good father? Does he love me? Do I love him? If physical looks are ALL you are concerned with to the point where your physical requirements are so rigid they wipe out more then half of the gender population and there is no room for anything different here is some advise. Don’t get married. Ever would why Hollywood marriages never last? When a marriage is based purely on physical looks that’s not exactly a stable foundation either. Some of the most shallow women I know they share something else in common. They are either divorced or still single.

     I’m not saying women should change what they like in a man however what is so horrible about giving someone a chance? I mean if you are that physically repulsed by short men fine, however everyone has a certain “type” or “preference” (I said preference not requirement) What’s so bad about trying something different once in a while? They’re so many women I know who said they go for tall men yet they ended up with a short man anyway and they were very happy and satisfied. Short men and tall men are not any better then eachother why limit yourself?

     Tyler Said:
     “Finally, you mentioned that you know women who have said that they would never date a short man, but they did and some even married short men. Well then, Zain, I guess height isn’t an unshakable requirement for all women afterall. Perhaps you should talk to those women and find out what made the change their minds. I’m willing to bet it wasn’t because the guy told them that their behavior was irrational, illogical, shallow, and foolish”

     Very true.

     It’s because they found out on their own they were behaving that way. Like I said it’s up to THEM not me.

     Rebuttal? Or are you true to your word and this really is your last reply?

131. Give it a rest, people! Oct 7th 2008 at 09:07 pm 131

     To: Evan
     It’s time to close the comments on this thread. Basta! This conversation is going nowhere.

     To Zain and Tyler;
     Give it a rest. Turn off your computer and get out of the house.

132. Zann Oct 8th 2008 at 08:06 am 132

     To Whoever left this last comment (Give It A Rest, People) –

     Amen.

133. hunter Oct 8th 2008 at 08:47 pm 133

     to Shari on #118

     hhhmmhh…I have always wondered why there are herds of miss “fit,” having dinner, in restaurants, with several other women(no men), on saturday nights. Now I know, its because men select them first…..LOL!……

134. Shelly Oct 12th 2008 at 12:34 pm 134

     I’m 5′6” and around 5′10” in heels I’ve dated men who were not only shorter then me but weighed less then me as well. I’m attracted more to a guy’s face and his personality then I am to his body. When he laughs when he smiles when he’s talking. I pay more attention to that Then I do to anything else. I couldn’t care less how tall he is or how ripped he is.

135. Traci Dec 9th 2008 at 07:57 pm 135

     I am a short woman, and I can never find the shorter guys! Where are they hiding?? I am 4′7″, and would love a guy, who sort of knows what I’ve dealt with, being a regular, shorter person in society. I loved this article. If anyone has any clues, let me know! I’ve dated the taller guys. I want a chance to date a shorter guy..

136. hunter Dec 10th 2008 at 10:11 pm 136

     Keep looking, men are a dime a dozen. You might find them at the hardware store, auto parts store, car swap meets, new car exhibits, at the gun store, coffee shops(for breakfast, early breakfast) etc….

137. Michael Ejercito Dec 11th 2008 at 08:20 am 137

     Of course, many of those men are unavailable.

138. Sayanta Jan 18th 2009 at 10:07 am 138

     I’ve heard Paul Simon’s been married a bunch of times- maybe Tom should become a rock star. I’m just teasing.

     I sympathize, but what I’m going to say has already been mentioned by most of the women here already. I’m 5′7, slender, never leave the house without my high heels, and up until two years ago, I refused to date anyone under 5′10. I just felt weird being that much taller than a guy. Then I realized how I was selling myself short (no pun intended), and decided to start dating men 5′7 or above. I’m sorry, I just can’t go below that. Like Evan said one time (I hope I’m not misquoting)- you’re attracted to whomever you’re attracted to.

     Remember one of the blogs where an ‘outgoing, direct’ woman had written in saying that she doesn’t find attractive, eligible men? Evan said something along the lines of a man wanting to be with someone who makes him feel masculine. I’m not going to quote that blog word for word here obviously, but it’s the same thing here. A woman wants to be with someone who makes her feel feminine. I think the reason why people are feeling more sympathy for the short guy is because you can’t change height, but you can change personality.

     The thing is, though- I’ve had male friends and family members who’ve gotten married in spite of their short heights. One of them is a doctor, and he’s five feet tall. His wife is 4′8. My cousin is 5′5, and he just got married last year- the woman is 5′3. So, it definitely is possible! A couple I know has been married for forty years, and the wife is three inches taller than her husband.

     Tom- like I said, I sympathize with your situation. I haven’t met you, obviously, but you seem very confident, and down-to earth, from your comment. I was wondering, though- what are women’s reactions to you outside of the ‘online’ scene? Online, my dating requirements are 5′8 to 6+. But if I’m out with friends, and I’m getting chatted up by a cute guy who happens to be a little short, I would totally go out with him. Yeah, I know that doesn’t make sense considering what I’ve just said, but there you have it.

     But these short men who’ve chatted me up obviously had no qualms about their height- or if they did, they hid it well. So, are women responding negatively to you when you go out? If so, do you think you might be subconsciously sending signals where you expect to be rejected? Because if you already think somehow that women just aren’t into short men, women are going to read that and lose interest.

     Now- again, from what Evan said, you seem to have a lot going for you. But none of us know what you’re like with a woman one-on-one. I’m not putting all the blame on you, of course, but as many people have said before me, the common denominator in all our relationships, or lack of, is US.

139. hunter Jan 18th 2009 at 08:24 pm 139

     Sayanta, I am starting to find out, that, short women are real gems. 4′11″ to 5′2″…most are not jaded/tainted/hurt/discouraged/angry

140. Sayanta Jan 19th 2009 at 08:16 am 140

     Hunter-

     I’ll introduce u to some of my short girlfriends. That’ll change your mind.

     BTW- I didn’t think I sound jaded, etc, in my post. What made you think that?

141. Michael Ejercito Jan 19th 2009 at 09:32 am 141

     Sayanta, I am starting to find out, that, short women are real gems. 4′11″ to 5′2″…most are not jaded/tainted/hurt/discouraged/angry
     Many of them are fun to hang out with.

142. hunter Jan 19th 2009 at 11:36 am 142

     Sayanta, I believe there are, women 5′7″, with long necks, that wear stilletos/hooker heels/4″ heels/thigh high boots and take short steps/shuffle their feet, who are not tainted, I wasn’t referring to your post.

143. Sayanta Jan 19th 2009 at 11:46 am 143

     So I take it the above posters have gotten acquainted with all 600 million short women on the planet?

144. hunter Jan 19th 2009 at 12:13 pm 144

     Ha! ha! You’re funny! Made me laugh! Thank you.

145. Karl R Jan 20th 2009 at 02:10 pm 145

     Sayanta said: (#138)
     “Evan said something along the lines of a man wanting to be with someone who makes him feel masculine. [...] it’s the same thing here. A woman wants to be with someone who makes her feel feminine.”

     There is something to what you say, but I think it’s a bizarre way to change how you feel about yourself. By that line of reasoning, I should hang out with stupid people in order to make myself feel smarter.

     If someone feels secure in their masculinity (or femininity), then they don’t need outside validation. In my opinion, it’s a lot healthier to be secure in who you are regardless of the validation you receive.

     But as Evan frequently points out, it’s not helpful to Tom Pandolfo (or others like him) to say that other people ought to change their attitude.

146. A-L Jan 20th 2009 at 06:47 pm 146

     I know I’m a woman, feel like a woman, am fairly feminine and feel very secure with all of those things. But put me around a bunch of gymnasts who are between 4′5″ and 5′ and weigh less than eighty pounds and I’m going to feel like a giant/monster (and I’m only 5′1″). I’d feel as though I need to protect them and that I could easily crush them. Granted, these gymnasts are all in tip-top physical shape, are extremely strong, and don’t need any protection from me. Yet this is how I’d feel around them. And the feelings of needing to protect and being able to crush others do not make me feel feminine. It’s the same thing about being with a guy who is shorter than you. They can be stronger than you and able to do most anything physically, but it totally changes the dynamic. Which is also a reason why I don’t want to date a guy who weighs less than I do (even if he’s significantly taller than I am). Just a different iteration of the female perspective.

147. hunter Jan 21st 2009 at 03:20 am 147

     A-L, it is interesting, how you would feeling being around gymnasts.

148. Velma Jan 25th 2009 at 01:51 am 148

     This prejudice against short people is a bunch of bullsh-t. I get the same thing because I have a physical characteristic that decreases my value on the dating market, which is also a bunch of bullsh-t. It’s a completely arbitrary feature (like shortness) that causes people to discount your other qualities. It’s funny because it’s so superficial and “unfair.” Here is something that means absolutely nothing in day-to-day life but that determines a good portion of someone’s value in the eyes of others. It’s really ridiculous. The people here who try to justify it (something about the “Napoleon Complex” – ha!) are rationalizing. (Why not point out the “Egotistical / Reluctant to Commit” complex of tall and handsome men?!)

     I remember dating a very tall, good looking guy once, and walking around town with him. Standing next to him, it was astonishing how differently people treated him vs. others (or me) because of his appearance. When he approached someone, their facial expression and body language were instantly welcoming. I was amazed by this because I had never experienced that treatment before, as someone with an unappealing appearance, when I walked around myself. At that moment I realized that entire experience of the world, day-to-day, is different for a tall and traditionally attractive person.

     Actually, my very good looking boyfriend dated me when I had a medical procedure that masked my physical not-quite-prettiness for a little while. After the effects of the procedure subsided, our relationship started having trouble for “other reasons” and we broke up. To this day, a small part of me wonders if I might have been treated differently as a very good looking person. Even kind, responsible, mature people can be very superficial. Part of it is entrained into our genetics and the tendencies we are born with. I myself am naturally attracted to tall, attractive men! It takes some effort and imagination to suppress those instincts.

     One reason people can maintain these prejudices easily is that they can rationalize them. If there are two job candidates and they differ in 200 different ways other than their appearance, it is easy to say you chose the good looking one because of one of his other characteristics, and not because of his looks.

     I noticed that my good looking ex got the benefit of the doubt and a bunch of second chances in general, in life. People wanted to support him. It was pretty astonishing.

     With my particular physical problem, there are medical procedures to fix it, and sometimes I seriously wonder if I should undergo them. There is a lot of pain, high risk, and a very very high price tag (think $100,000) to undergo procedures that might transform me into a person who has an advantage in society. However, the transformation would give me an advantage that is totally arbitrary and that depends on the prejudices of others, and has nothing to do with my actual traits. Would you do it? Sometimes I wonder if I should.

     This has been a digression from the dating topic, but I figured it was relevant…

     Also, this comment thread has inspired me to take a second look at short guys on those dating sites (and in general!). I bet there are some excellent gems in that group.

149. chris Jan 25th 2009 at 11:14 am 149

     I am a strong independent 5′4 145 lb female. The men I have dated in the past have all been over 6′1. I always wear heels. I am no petite lady & have always preferred taller guys because they made me feel safe, and ladylike.

     Wow!! what a load of crap I’ve fed myself most of my life.

     A few months ago I met a guy who is 5′5 thru mutual friends. He is the most handsome man I have ever set eyes on. He is also kind, successful & very talented. He is thoughtful & treats me better than anyone ever has. Yet I kept making excuses as to why I didn’t want a serious relationship with him. Truthfully it was just his height.

     I am happy to say that I have finally realized that my feminism is on me not my partner, I can protect myself and that even a short man can protect me & care for me just as well as a tall man if not better at times.

     He loves my heels & is confident without the macho ass attitude & that is so much sexier than any extra inches ever could be.
     Ladies do yourself a favor & get your own inner confidence & stop being shallow & you too may just meet someone amazing that you would have otherwise missed out on.

150. Sayanta Jan 26th 2009 at 07:58 am 150

     the thing about short guys is, you just can’t slow dance with them.

151. Karl R Jan 26th 2009 at 10:17 am 151

     Velma said: (#148)
     “To this day, a small part of me wonders if I might have been treated differently as a very good looking person. Even kind, responsible, mature people can be very superficial.”

     First of all, you made a number of very astute and thought-provoking comments.

     Second, I think you would be treated differently if you were very good looking. There’s no doubt about it. It would be a rare individual who would treat you the same. Most people would be more willing to make exceptions and give you second chances.

     On the other hand, that extends to many qualities, not just looks and height. If you’re funny, people will give you second chances. If you’re likeable, people will give you second chances. One of my dance teachers joked, “I learned to dance so I could stop working on my personality.” His dancing skill earns him a lot of second chances.

     There are a lot of ways to get the benefit of the doubt and second chances. Most of them don’t require lots of pain, high risk, and $100,000.

152. arthur Jan 26th 2009 at 11:50 am 152

     Ill put my 5′8 2 cents in. Its all about confidence. Yes us short guys (Im 5′8) do ahv eot work a little ahrder with the taller ladies, but I revel in the challenge. Yes they might ahve in the back of their mind a little that your short all the time, but relax and show them how great us “short” guys can be. If they reject you jusy move and and smile as they missed out on the best opportunity of their lives YOU gentlemen.

     BTW I get rejected by a lot of taller women all the time, but I also seem to go out on dates more as well with women taller than I

153. Sayanta Jan 26th 2009 at 04:42 pm 153

     5′8 is not short! It’s the average male height. For me, short is 5′6 and below.

154. hunter Jan 26th 2009 at 06:17 pm 154

     Sayanta, I know what you mean, I have slow danced with short women, they massage my belly button with their breasts, but what are we to do?(with a shortage of available tall women)

155. A-L Jan 26th 2009 at 07:36 pm 155

     I won’t comment as to whether or not 5′8″ is short for a man, but I will say that I’ve recently become very attracted to men in the 5′6″-5′8″ range as that’s a perfect height for me (5′1″). (In the past, I’ve had taller fellows who are more in the six foot range.)

156. A-L Jan 26th 2009 at 08:35 pm 156

     I just found the coolest website (http://www.shortsupport.org/Research/analyzer.html). In it you can give your height and then it will tell you what percentage of people of your sex are shorter or taller, as well as giving percentages about people of the opposite sex that meet certain height criteria.

     Here are some of the things I found most interesting:

     3% of the male population is 6′2″ or taller
     11.7% of the male population is 6′ or taller
     30.4% of the male population is 5′10″ or taller
     56.5% of the male population is 5′8″ or taller
     79.9% of the male population is 5′6″ or taller
     93.4% of the male population is 5′4″ or taller
     98.5% of the male population is 5′2″ or taller

     I was too tired to look through the website to see if these are US or world statistics, but it’s still rather useful. Puts it in rather harsh perspective that if you’re looking for a guy who’s 6′ or taller that only about one out of ten men even meets that requirement (much less if they have the education, religion, etc that you’re interested in).

157. Karl R Jan 27th 2009 at 08:43 am 157

     A-L, (#156)
     Nice study. It says the statistics are for the U.S., women ages 18-60, men ages 18-65.

     It also demonstrates how you expand your dating pool by expanding your height range by a few inches.

158. A-L Jan 27th 2009 at 07:02 pm 158

     Yeah, I was also struck by how much the dating pool changed by changing the numbers a bit. Increase your range from 6′ to 5′10″ and you triple your dating pool. And if you give up 4″ from the 6′ mark you increase it by five times. Definitely something to think about. However, since I’m open to dating 93.4% of men (and if they were super-fantastic then 98.5%) I don’t feel much need to change my own preferences.

159. hunter Jan 28th 2009 at 04:59 pm 159

     Oh yes, I know if I make a 5ft. 4in, and above height requirement, my matches are few, if any.

160. tallgirl Jan 29th 2009 at 07:29 pm 160

     As a 6′ woman I’d say this article is for tall women as well…. Believe me. guys are initially facinated but men like to feel they have the “upper hand”. Im sure Tom would go for a 4′8″ woman if they were more of them ot there for him. No sympathy here….

161. datingsisyphus Mar 20th 2009 at 03:05 pm 161

     Evan,

     Like you, I have NO IDEA why women are so hung up on dating taller men. Who cares? What difference does it make?

     I guess I just profit from the irrationality by dating “better” men, who happen to be short.

162. Len Mar 29th 2009 at 05:17 pm 162

     Look women will go for a tall man who has a criminal record, DUI”S drug record, bench warrants, you name it they love them…… Drunks addicts. an the list never ends….. It’s a total control issue where a man is such a loser they have the ability to threaten to leave him an he is at their beck an call. Yet a hard working employed successful man who isnt 6 ft tall is considered a loser. It really adds up to the USA has the worst women in the world. They overly spoiled demanding an materialistic. WEB sites from around the world brag about this to women looking for Good American men. Even Oprah herself has been taken back by American women with one of her shows she aired.
     I guess that is why their is about a 9 month waitting list for good shorter men to Go to places like Russia an get a wife. In my neighborhood lately more an more Russian brides an from other countries are arriving. They even shake their heads at american women. One from Germany said American women are completely nuts, so did the other women who have come here. Its not the mens fault but they are way to shallow ( american Women). Now stop an think about this the men are paying on avgerage 10,000 US dollars to bring them over here. Now lets add she wont have a job for a while if ever. They buy her a car clothes an everything she needs. Who are the losers here the american women who are struggling to make a living while women from around the country come here an laugh at them because they want a tall unemployed , drunk , drug addict, mommies boy, whatever the reason. These women are beating you Tall fixated american women all over the place. Money quality of life, education ( theirs is a whole lot better) better clothes, more stability, you name as you sit their wondering what the heck is going on ……????????Waiting for this imaginary tall prince charming to come to you ……… an he never does…. But hey you can pick him up at the bar or jail…… or with his other girlfriend…

163. hunter Mar 29th 2009 at 10:05 pm 163

     Len, some women wise up, after the age of 40.

164. kenley Mar 30th 2009 at 04:00 am 164

     Len,

     All the things that you indicated these foreign women are receiving from American men are material in nature. So, how exactly are they better than American women?

165. grayson Apr 12th 2009 at 06:21 pm 165

     Kenley,

     having travelled to many foreign countries I can say that foreign women are not nearly as height biased as Western women. Futhermore while it’s true that they are probably looking for a green card and may leave you high and dry it doesn’t matter because alot of Western women divorce their husbands and end up taking half their stuff anyway so it makes no difference really.

166. hunter Apr 12th 2009 at 08:42 pm 166

     Grayson, yes, you speak the truth!…

167. Sayanta Apr 13th 2009 at 07:26 am 167

     Going back to the whole short man thing- I just realized Michael J. Fox has been married for what…forever? So it can happen, people.

168. grayson Apr 13th 2009 at 09:27 am 168

     Sayanta.

     You are aware that Michael J. Fox is rich and famous right? You can’t examples like him or Tom Cruise and say “see short guys can get women these guys did it!” (Which is basically what you are saying) These guys are millionaires! Any guy could easily get a woman if he was a millionaire regardless of what he looked like. The fact that Short Hollywood male celebrities are able to find women to marry means absolutely nothing to the average short man. because most short men are not rich and famous.

169. Sayanta Apr 13th 2009 at 06:06 pm 169

     “You are aware that Michael J. Fox is rich and famous right? You can’t examples like him or Tom Cruise and say “see short guys can get women these guys did it!” (Which is basically what you are saying)”

     Yes, I’m aware of that, thanks. But this started as a post about Tom- who’s close enough to famous since he’s been on the ABC show with Evan and everything. So my comment’s specifically for him.

170. jensen Apr 13th 2009 at 06:34 pm 170

     ok. first off i am a short man. i am 5′1″. too all of those out there that say short men should date short women, i totally agree. here is the problem. short women DO NOT LIKE short men. short women always want some 6 foot plus kind of guy. i happen to love short, petite girls. but they do not give me the time of day. in all honesty im more likely to date a girl who is 5′6″ – 5′7″. because for some reason they will accept me. i do feel really odd sometimes being so much shorter than my date, and i especially hate heels. (more so the chicks that wear heels for no apparent reason.) in closing. short guys always draw the short stick. pun intended.

171. grayson Apr 14th 2009 at 08:03 am 171

     “Yes, I’m aware of that, thanks. But this started as a post about Tom- who’s close enough to famous since he’s been on the ABC show with Evan and everything. So my comment’s specifically for him.”

     Yeah. sure it was, You never mentioned Tom or Evan’s name in that post and you ended it by saying “so it can happen people” So the only logical assumption to make is that it was directed at everyone. It’s obvious you are backpeddling to cover up the fallacy you made.

172. Zann Apr 14th 2009 at 08:29 am 172

     GEEZ-LOUISE, people. Grayson: Can’t you just take what is helpful in these posts & leave the rest without all this bashing of others’ comments? These are posts by people looking for input, not ridicule.

     Some women like short men, some don’t. Then again, some women like dark-skinned men, some don’t. And some women want a man pulling in a large salary, and some don’t care.

     It’s not a perfect science, so there’s nothing to prove here. Live and let live.

173. grayson Apr 14th 2009 at 01:38 pm 173

     Zann:

     That’s the thing though what she said WASN’T helpful. I was pointing that out. Sorry but I’m a very cut-throat ruthless type of person. In my type of profession you have to be. It’s no different then me saying “hey ugly old guys can get women look at Donald Trump”

     my advise to short guys is this.
     1. Don’t dwell on something you can’t change you are just going to give yourself alot of grief. just accept it’s an issue and move on.
     2. Instead of obsessing about WHY short guys are overlooked work on what you can do to make yourself more attractive so that women will give you a chance DESPITE your height.
     3. Do something that builds confidence and raises self esteem join a gym, take martial arts, (the ultimate confidence booster) Women can spot a guy with no self confidence a mile away as a short guy you are already at a disadvantage. So you have to be much more agressive and much more proactive when it comes to the dating scene and the extra self confidence will help with that.
     4. Prepared to get rejected. ALOT This is where the extra self confidence comes in so when a rejection happens you can just shrug it off. As a short guy You NEED to develop the thickest skin possible. You have to be tough.
     5. If you have the funds and the resources look into European or South American women. (My gf is from Brazil) They are not nearly as height biased this height obsession is more of a North American thing.
     6. As a short guy you are going to be stereotyped so the best thing to do is not behave in a manner that encourages that stereotype (ie nepoleon complex) be assertive and tough without being pushy or domineering.
     7. Lastly NEVER EVER EVER take dating advise from a woman. Women change their minds constantly and don’t know what they want they are notorious for saying one thing and doing another. Instead take dating advise from a man who you know is succesful with women or even better yet a short man who is successful with women (and yes there are plenty of them out there)

174. hunter Apr 14th 2009 at 05:13 pm 174

     Grayson, finding an advisor that is sucessful with women is not an easy task. Most will not tell. Reason being,(I’ve been told) when he goes back to his woman, she senses, he was talking about relationships.

175. Evan Marc Katz Apr 14th 2009 at 05:20 pm 175

     Hunter…Grayson…

     You DO know that my real job is not blogging, but actually helping men and women become more successful in dating and relationships.

     The short man who wrote this initial post, Tom Pandolfo, came back to me for a SECOND coaching series last year and is now in a happy, healthy, loving relationship.

     Click here to learn how you can get the same thing:

     http://www.evanmarckatz.com/dating-coaching/

     Your friend,

     Evan

176. hunter Apr 14th 2009 at 05:23 pm 176

     EMK is hilarious, at times.

177. Sayanta Apr 15th 2009 at 06:28 am 177

     “Sorry but I’m a very cut-throat ruthless type of person.”

     Um- ever think that maybe THIS is the reason for your date problems instead of your height?

     PS- There are plenty of short men in my family (none rich and famous) who are happily married.

178. Joe Apr 15th 2009 at 09:28 am 178

     PS- There are plenty of short men in my family (none rich and famous) who are happily married.
     If I recall correctly, however, you are Indian. How many of those marriages are arranged ones?

179. A-L Apr 15th 2009 at 03:16 pm 179

     My dad’s 5′4″ and he’s found three different women to marry him. He’s not famous either, and only one of the women was not American. Interestingly enough, all three women are taller than him too.

180. grayson Apr 15th 2009 at 04:05 pm 180

     “Um- ever think that maybe THIS is the reason for your date problems instead of your height?”

     Where did I ever even say I have dating problems? It’s funny you even would assume that when I’ve revealed almost nothing about myself to you. My girlfriend is Brazilian. however she’s been living in the U.S for most of her life. Having travelled to Brazil and various parts of Cental America and Europe, I stand by my assertion that this height thing is more of a North American phenomenon. Male height is still valued, however it’s worse here then in other countries. When I was in Brazil I saw literally hundreds of couples where the man was the same height only slightly taller or the female was taller. I saw similar trends in other countries as well. You also assume I’m short, I’m actually 5′9”, which makes me average height. and yes as a lawyer I’m VERY ruthless women actually like a man who is in charge so quite the contrary it’s worked towards my favour in the dating scene. Therefore your assesment is 100% incorrect on several levels. Nice try though.

     “PS- There are plenty of short men in my family (none rich and famous) who are happily married.”

     That’s great, kudos to them provided they were genuine love marriages and not arranged marriages where the women didn’t have much of a choice.

181. Sayanta Apr 15th 2009 at 06:39 pm 181

     #180-
     “Where did I ever even say I have dating problems?”

     Simple. Your posts are bitter- I’m sure you didn’t become that way for no reason. Plus- you’re on this blog. Most people who are on this blog (myself included) have found their way here because of initial frustrations, or whatever you want to call it, about the opposite sex. By the way, I’m a lawyer as well- there’s plenty of us (successful ones) who are not ruthless. Of course, the ones who ARE give the rest of us a bad name. (It’s interesting how you seem to prize the quality of ruthlessness, and think women actually want men like that- it’s actually quite frightening. Let’s hope you never get your hands on an atom bomb). And if those women actually like you BECAUSE you’re ‘ruthless,’ I’m praying for those women right now, because they’re obviously seriously disturbed. And if you genuinely think being ‘ruthless’ is a great way to date, I would get some counseling, if I were you, because you obviously have anger issues- which was apparent when you took my comment about Michael J. Fox so seriously.

     And since you’re a “fellow” lawyer, you should probably know that it’s bad to assume specific facts about a certain group of people without basis. I’m not a big fan of arranged marriage myself because I just happen to be a romantic. But it is a complete falsehood and damaging misconception that women have no choice in arranged marriages. This was true in earlier generations: nowadays it’s no different from an elderly Southern belle introducing her single daughter to the nice young gentleman from church.

     Ok- I’m done here, thank you very much. If you want to pick a fight, use your adversary for a verbal punching bag- not me.

182. Sayanta Apr 15th 2009 at 06:54 pm 182

     Joe and Grayson-

     Only one of those five men have had arranged marriages.

183. MrG Apr 15th 2009 at 08:42 pm 183

     I am 5′4″ USA born, getting a date has always been a huge Handicap for me. The reality that a short guy has to deal with (if you keep on keeping on) is the eventual rejection overload. On top of this handicap, I have (had) a very shy type personality, which adds to the social handicap. I eventually married (7yrs), later divorced, single again for 13 years, then remarried, and unfortunately divorced again after 9 years of marriage (I will not go into that long story here). I have been single now for 3 years, and have recently discovered a new world that has completely changed all this headache & heartache. So much so that I have made it into a new business personalmatchmaker.net If you are interested in knowing more get in touch.

184. grayson Apr 16th 2009 at 11:17 am 184

     “Simple. Your posts are bitter- I’m sure you didn’t become that way for no reason. Plus- you’re on this blog. Most people who are on this blog (myself included) have found their way here because of initial frustrations, or whatever you want to call it, about the opposite sex. By the way, I’m a lawyer as well- there’s plenty of us (successful ones) who are not ruthless. Of course, the ones who ARE give the rest of us a bad name. (It’s interesting how you seem to prize the quality of ruthlessness, and think women actually want men like that- it’s actually quite frightening. Let’s hope you never get your hands on an atom bomb). And if those women actually like you BECAUSE you’re ‘ruthless,’ I’m praying for those women right now, because they’re obviously seriously disturbed. And if you genuinely think being ‘ruthless’ is a great way to date, I would get some counseling, if I were you, because you obviously have anger issues- which was apparent when you took my comment about Michael J. Fox so seriously”

     I am by no means a bitter person, quite the contrary. I have a great life, and good job a great girlfriend Therefore Your smug revelation is ill concieved. Futhermore your attempt to paint me as some sort of violent volatile figure who should be feared is pathetic. Resorting to shaming language, and personal attacks, is pretty sad especially for someone who apparently has an alleged law degree. My ruthlessness has lead to me having a very successful career as a civil litigator. It’s won me cases. You are attacking my character instead of sticking to the issue. A good debater wouldn’t resort to such nonsense. It doesn’t matter what I think about my opposition personally I would never disrespect them like that and utter such nonsense. You have alot to learn about what it takes to be a real lawyer young lady. (If you really do practice law) Futhermore, Unless you have a degree in phychology as well this diagnosis of yours that I need councelling is meaningless.

     “And since you’re a “fellow” lawyer, you should probably know that it’s bad to assume specific facts about a certain group of people without basis. I’m not a big fan of arranged marriage myself because I just happen to be a romantic. But it is a complete falsehood and damaging misconception that women have no choice in arranged marriages. This was true in earlier generations: nowadays it’s no different from an elderly Southern belle introducing her single daughter to the nice young gentleman from church. ”

     A classic pot calling the kettle black I’m afraid. You’ve already assumed a number of things about me that had no basis and were unfair. I never said you were a fan of arranged marriage or anything like that. So I fail to see what your point is really because I never assumed such a thing. Futhermore I’ve traveled to India and Pakistan and arranged marriage is still a common practice. and for the most part the women usually DON’T have a choice. A sikh collegue of mine told me about his 19 year old sister who ran away from home because her parents were planning to have her married off to a man in his forties. While he still keeps in contact with her her family has disowned her So yes it still happens even in the Western world. I also never assumed anything about your relatives I specifically said “provided if” because I didn’t know whether they had arranged marriages or not. Futhermore the situation you are describing regarding the southern belle if that’s an accurate one regarding how “new arranged marriages” done. Then that can’t be considered arranged marriage at all.

     “Ok- I’m done here, thank you very much. If you want to pick a fight, use your adversary for a verbal punching bag- not me.”

     and you weren’t using me as one? insult someone then lerave this is the typical tactic of a hit and run artist.

185. grayson Apr 16th 2009 at 11:59 am 185

     correction: i said “provided they” “not provided if” however it still doesn’t invalidate my original point. I never assumed all your relatives had arranged marriages.

     just need to clear that up.

186. thewrongdossier2000 Apr 16th 2009 at 12:03 pm 186

     Sayanta, grayson give it a rest.

     if you guys are really both are lawyers then I’m not surprised.

187. hunter Apr 17th 2009 at 12:21 am 187

     Sayanta/Grayson, you two are sounding more and more like a couple that has been married for decades, are you two, sure you don’t want to meet in person?….hhhmmhh…

188. Abbey Apr 22nd 2009 at 10:57 pm 188

     @ Shari
     Comparing weight to height is comparing apples to oranges. Overweight is a sort of lifestyle disease, whether the woman wants to lose it or not. Being short statured is a physical attribute and even if a man wants to lose his ’shortness’, there is no way he’d be able to do it, normally. Moreover, being overweight is a sign of bad health, lazyness and sloth. (Before you come up with the ‘hormonal overweight’ argument, I might clarify, as a medical professional, that less than 1% of the general population in any country suffers from the hormonal problems that trigger weight gain. My sympathies are with them, just like they are with any person facing a congenital disability).
      
     @ Zann
     Being attracted to slim women is the biological conditioning of being attracted to healthy mates. It isn’t ‘cultural conditioning’ or ‘learned trait’ no matter what the American weight sympathisers would have you believe. By the way, where did you pick up your “75% women go through..” statistic from? I’d love to get that (since I enjoy taking the mickey out of my American pals).
      
     @ Zain
     I can get your point which I think Tyler and a few others totally missed out. (They are flogging a dead horse thinking its you.) The issue here is I think, creating false stereotypes for short men by women who feel they *need* a negative portrayal of short men to justify their attraction to tall men. Thats like saying “Jews are baby eaters and traitors” to justify a general Jewbaiting sentiment. It CREATES bias among people who initially had no issue with short men/Jews, as they end up believing such remarks coming from so many irrational folks. Better say, “I am not attracted to short men” rather than trying to create straw men.
      
     @ Velma
     Your comment makes me think that perhaps (just perhaps) Adolf Hitler had a point, trying eugenics to breed out ‘imperfect’ people from the society.The pain or discrimination that physically unattractive/disabled people have to go throughout their lives is brutally saddening. And since we all have to die someday, what difference does dieing earlier make, so that we don’t have to go through the pain of living life as a physically ‘undesirable’ person?
      
     By the way, pardon my misspellings (if any).

189. Michael Apr 23rd 2009 at 10:09 am 189

     but no one wants to talk about how an overweight woman should be appreciated for who she is and what she brings to the table, and not for her body size?
     She should just lose weight.

     If I could eat plenty and not become obese, so can they.

190. david Apr 24th 2009 at 01:22 pm 190

     Ok, I get it. This blog is generally pointing out how most women are initially attracted to men taller than themselves (along with many other criteria that varies from person to person). It has been very enlightening to hear both sides of the topic. I recently traveled to the Philippines to do some scuba diving and wound up meeting the most wonderful woman. Yes, she is 20 years younger, but at 30 years old, she is no kid. Unlike the USA, most Asians tend to be on the shorter, smaller side, which happens to be MY preference. What I found really interesting is a completely different attitude about the roles of men and women. Americans’ have a stereotype misconception of Asian women being submissive (my opinion). I just didn’t see that and frankly it smacks of a slave-master relationship which no marriage can survive. The woman I met is 4′-9″ and I am 5′-7″. I make her feel “safe, protected, secure, feminine”, and she makes me feel big, strong, protective, and masculine. I compliment her ego and she compliments mine. Too many women in the USA seem to have a lot of hang-ups about themselves or their roles in society. At 5′-7″ and 150 pounds, I’m also turned off with so many “supersized” American women or their attitude of entitlement. You can call me old fashioned, but I was raised thinking that a man should be able to pick his wife up and carry her over the threshold, or at least be able to pick her up without getting a hernia if she falls. I have dated big women, tall women, goofy women, nice women, smart women, bitter women, ugly women, nasty women, and could never find the right combination of personality mix that complimented me as a man. I compromised and wound up married to a beautiful woman of Peruvian decent and having two wonderful kids. Money turned out to be more important than family for her and we parted ways 3 years ago after 13 years of marriage. Some women, like some men are just shallow that way. I just hope and pray the American lifestyle I am about to introduce my Filipina fiance into doesn’t ruin the unspoiled, unpretentious character that makes her glow. In my opinion, the men vs. women attitude that seems so prevalent in this country goes back to our own stereotypes that are constantly fueled with what we pass off in this country as TV entertainment. It sure seems to be helping making all of our asses getting fatter and that is not attractive no matter how you spin it!

191. grayson. Apr 24th 2009 at 04:51 pm 191

     I am 5′9” 175lbs and once dated a woman who was 5′11”, and 140lbs I had no problem picking her up and carrying her.

192. Meg May 2nd 2009 at 05:24 pm 192

     I recently had two of my friends interested in me. I went for the shorter, heavier one, because I liked his personality better. Height doesn’t always matter, it’s really about who you are and how you carry yourself.

     I’ll admit that most of the other guys I’ve dated have been taller than me. Women pick taller men because it makes them feel smaller and thinner in comparison. I really liked the shorter guy, but it did make me feel a little more self conscious than I usually would.

     It’s also important to women to stand on their tippy toes to kiss a guy because it feels awkward to have to stoop down to kiss him.

     The bottom line is, there’s hope for the short guys. If both people are really self confident, there wont even be a problem at all.

193. Kaya Cassan May 3rd 2009 at 02:40 pm 193

     I have a uncle who is 5′5 and he is literally one of the best players of all time. It’s almost like a TV show. Women love him. I don’t even think he knows he’s short. If a man is confident and not focused on his flaws. He will attract a woman.

     If he treats her like he’s not very interested. He will attract her. If he acts like he is King of the world; he will attract her. People get sidetracked by their own flaws. Pretend as if you are 6′3 and play for the NBA and the women will follow.

     That’s my sermon!
     - Kaya Cassan
     http://www.accidentalbitch.com

194. grayson May 3rd 2009 at 04:25 pm 194

     Pretend you are 6′3″? so short guys should “act” tall? lol that’s like telling a black guy if he doesn’t want to be discriminated against he should “act” white

195. Kaya Cassan May 4th 2009 at 02:21 am 195

     Good response Grayson. They key is to not let the world or society tell you what you are.

196. A-L May 4th 2009 at 03:30 am 196

     Kaya and Grayson,

     How does someone “act” short or tall?

197. Evan Marc Katz May 4th 2009 at 06:24 am 197

     My friend, talk show host Alan Roger Currie, sent me this link today on Facebook, confirming my thesis that life is unfair for Asian men:

     http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=92328673728&h=Uzyv-&u=w3TYj&ref=mf

     In case it wasn’t abundantly clear, I don’t have a bias against ANYBODY – not short men, heavy women, or older folks. I have a huge bias against fantasy.

     If you disagree with facts, there’s not much room for conversation.

198. Karl R May 4th 2009 at 10:54 am 198

     Meg said: (#192)
     “It’s also important to women to stand on their tippy toes to kiss a guy because it feels awkward to have to stoop down to kiss him.”

     Why should this feel awkward? I have to stoop down to kiss women all the time. If you do it enough times, it stops feeling awkward.

199. hunter May 4th 2009 at 06:37 pm 199

     Act short, act tall, kiss short people, no room for facts, I find people humorous at times…hhhmmhh….how funny…

200. grayson May 15th 2009 at 01:49 pm 200

     Actually I’m not the one who brought up “acting tall” the poster kaya said “pretend you are 6′3”” which i personally think is terrible advise

201. Julianne Jul 30th 2009 at 10:17 pm 201

     Its sad to go with the feminine argument, but its just the truth. Our society focuses on women being thin and beautiful. If you aren’t and you are with somebody who is smaller than you, you are constantly reminded of the fact that you don’t fit the ideal. Its all about self-esteem. In my case I’m an athlete plagued by large muscles. It doesn’t make me feel feminine to know I have thicker biceps than my boyfriend. I don’t care if my guy can protect me from an attacker, I can probably do that myself. But in order to make a 5′8″ built girl forget that she sometimes feels less than feminine, a guy needs to be big and tall. I’d even take somebody well over-weight over somebody who constantly reminds me of my insecurities.

202. LUNA Jul 31st 2009 at 08:56 am 202

     Julianne,

     “I’m an athlete plagued by large muscles”

     Just how exactly is someone “plagued” by large muscles? Were steroids put into your mother’s breast milk? As an athlete you built those muscles up. Therefore you weren’t “plagued” by anything.

     I also find it rather ironic that you mention that society focuses on women being thin and beautiful. Then you go onto to say men should be “big and tall”

203. condorius Jul 31st 2009 at 12:34 pm 203

     There’s something suspicious about SUPER SHORT WOMEN dating super tall men. We’ve all had close friends, siblings, whatever in this situation and we’ve come to accept it. It’s not wrong–just unsettling.

     The best analogy I can make to a 5′2 woman with a 6′4 man is a 21yo woman with a 30yo man. They can be in love, they can have lots in common, but there’s some element of trying way to hard to nab a trophy in both cases. The 5′2 woman chasing the 6′4 man needs the same advice as the 30yo man chasing the 21yo woman.

     Women, what would you tell the 30yo man chasing 21yo women?

     Let’s face it–what they’re doing isn’t UNETHICAL, but it’s misguided. They have created some kind of delusional hierarchy where 21yo = hot and young and fun. Would you tell the guys to “settle” for 26yo’s because they have more people to choose from? because they might miss a diamond in the rough? No, you’d tell them their hierarchy is bunk and they need to rethink things in a more mature way. They need to grow up. You’d tell them they’re NOT lowering their standards by looking at 26yo’s rather than 21yo’s, and that the quality/status/sex appeal does not correlate with age.

     Tough to socially deprogram people’s delusional heirarchies though, and when you do, the people still have immature friends holding them back. Now, I will say this. Many guys will tell their 30yo buddy who chases 21yo girls “dude, what are you doing?” More than a protective instinct toward the girl, they recognize the immature try-hardness. Why don’t girlfriends ever do the same when their short girlfriend chases 6′5 dudes?

     There’s a LOT to think about here, and I know I’ve really offended some people. It’s okay if you’re in a serious height disparity relationship, and it’s okay if you’re in a serious age disparity relationship. The connection can exist in either case (no really, it can). I’m not judging anyone for their partner’s height or age difference–only for a hierarchy they try to impose on age or height.

204. LUNA Jul 31st 2009 at 09:56 pm 204

     a 5′2” woman chasing a 6′4” man is not really like a 30 yr old chasing a 21 yr old

     It’s more like a 50 yr old chasing a 21 yr old

     plus guys who are 6′4” and over aren’t exactly a dime a dozen They’re simply aren’t that many tall guys to go around

205. A-L Aug 1st 2009 at 07:50 am 205

     I was going to let the first 5′2″/6′4″ comparison go by, but after another comment I have to jump in. First off, height is nothing like age. It does not affect your cultural references, where you are in terms of life stages, how long you’re likely to have left to live, etc. Those factors are all likely to influence a relationship. Who can reach a higher shelf is not.

     Secondly, just because a large height differential exists doesn’t mean that it was sought. I’ve gone out with guys in the 6′3″-6′4″ range. I’ve also gone out with guys who are 5′3″-5′4″. In those situations I went out with people who I thought seemed interesting and as though we might have potential for a relationship.

     Now if someone only wants to date someone who’s more than a foot taller than them, that’s a different issue, but to say that whenever a big height differential exists that it’s akin to a 50 year old chasing 21 year olds? Please.

206. Michael Aug 1st 2009 at 08:22 am 206

     What would a 30-year-old man have in common with a 21-year-old woman?

207. LUNA Aug 1st 2009 at 03:12 pm 207

     “I was going to let the first 5′2″/6′4″ comparison go by, but after another comment I have to jump in. First off, height is nothing like age. It does not affect your cultural references, where you are in terms of life stages, how long you’re likely to have left to live, etc. Those factors are all likely to influence a relationship. Who can reach a higher shelf is not.”

     I agree height is not like age, infact height is not like weight either since weight can be changed and height cannot. The only valid comparison would be to compare height to skin color. Since these are traits that are inherited and can’t be changed.

     “Secondly, just because a large height differential exists doesn’t mean that it was sought. I’ve gone out with guys in the 6′3″-6′4″ range. I’ve also gone out with guys who are 5′3″-5′4″. In those situations I went out with people who I thought seemed interesting and as though we might have potential for a relationship.”

     It’s not always sought, but sometimes it is and those are the ones were are talking about.

     “Now if someone only wants to date someone who’s more than a foot taller than them, that’s a different issue, but to say that whenever a big height differential exists that it’s akin to a 50 year old chasing 21 year olds? Please.”

     Even though age and height are not the same per se it’s still a valid comparison because it helps demonstrate the absurdity of having such requirements.

208. A-L Aug 1st 2009 at 06:20 pm 208

     Luna wrote in #204 a 5′2” woman chasing a 6′4” man is not really like a 30 yr old chasing a 21 yr old. It’s more like a 50 yr old chasing a 21 yr old

     Condorious wrote in #203 There’s something suspicious about SUPER SHORT WOMEN dating super tall men…The best analogy I can make to a 5′2 woman with a 6′4 man is a 21yo woman with a 30yo man.

     Luna wrote in #207 It’s not always sought, but sometimes it is and those are the ones were are talking about.

     From yours and condorious’ posts, that was not at all clear. You both spoke of a single woman pursuing (or being in a relationship) with one particular man who happened to be tall, not about short women who seek tall men exclusively. Thank you for the clarification.

209. Joseph Aug 8th 2009 at 04:53 am 209

     People keep saying hunter and gatherer times big bulky tall me had an advantage. Is that true? If you go back in time humans were stockier and shorter. I am thinking if you were tall you were out of place in the hunter and gather times. Why do people consider height an advantage always and being a short is a disadvantage always? The truth is height is very superficial, and people start to look beyond those aspects when searching for a mate.

     I am only 5′8″ I hate when people ask how tall I am. IT DOESNT MATTER.

210. mmike Aug 24th 2009 at 10:25 pm 210

     Confidence is all the height you need. Online dating is a snapshot of a person but cannot convey body language, voice inflection, etc…Out on the real battle field of relationships all you need is confidence.

     5 foot 6 and proud. Been bagging the tall ones and the short ones.

211. hunter Aug 25th 2009 at 05:02 pm 211

     MMike, you lucky dog. I’ve done the same, only, not with frequency.

212. Meli Sep 11th 2009 at 03:39 am 212

     I’m 5″6 and I adore tall men. I don’t know exactly what it is, because as Evan said, it doesn’t give anything extra to the quality of your relationship. In fact, where I live, a country where there isn’t many tall guys, whenever you see a tall one, you can almost guarantee that is going to be a cocky prick. However, there’s something very primal in my attraction to tall guys – apart from the fact that I inmediatly notice them. All of the guys I’ve been truly attracted to were over 6″. But I think the very first commenter nailed it: it has something to do with feeling smaller next to your partner. I’m skinny but curvaceous (120 pounds but big boobs and a booty) so I feel like a giant, unfemenine amazon next to an average size man, let alone one shorter than me!

213. Meli Sep 11th 2009 at 03:49 am 213

     Oh, something else! I´m just talking about me! My sister (5″6) is incredibly gorgeous and only likes average/ short man. She married a 5″8 guy and never understood my desire for “giraffes” as she calls them. Also, one of my best male friend is 5″6 and is VERY succesful with girls, and he’s not particularly pretty on the face either, lol. But he’s very funny, knows how to treat a lady, can dance really well and is very confident.

214. Lou Rall Sep 11th 2009 at 08:20 am 214

     Meli,

     You say that when you see a tall man you can almost guarantee he will be a cocky prick. Yet you continue to boast about how attracted you are to them so I am confused.  Are you attracted to tall men because they arecocky pricks or because you feel small next to them or is it both?

     Another thing I  find strange is how feel like an amazon next to an average sized man. According to CDC Statistics an average sized man in north america is 5′9.5” tall and weighs around 176  pounds. How can you feel like an amazon next to a guy who’s 3.5 inches taller then you and outweighs you by almost 60 pounds?

     You’re 5′6” and 120 pounds you’re not by any means a large woman.   you shouldn’t feel like an amazon next to anyone.  my 12 year old niece could overpower you.

215. Karl R Sep 11th 2009 at 08:23 am 215

     Meli said: (#212)
     “it has something to do with feeling smaller next to your partner. I’m skinny but curvaceous (120 pounds but big boobs and a booty) so I feel like a giant, unfemenine amazon next to an average size man, let alone one shorter than me!”

     If I’m understanding what you’re saying…
     If you had a more realistic perception of your own appearance, and if you had the confidence to feel sexy and feminine all the time (regardless of whom you were standing near), you would be free to date men of any height.

     Is that essentially correct?

216. Meli Sep 11th 2009 at 09:58 am 216

     Lou Rall: I don’t go for tall guys. I just inevitably feel attracted to them. My first boyfriends were all over 6″ because I used to live in two different countries  (including the US) before moving where I live now. In those previous countries you would find a good share of tall men. Here, on the contrary, most guys are shorter and the average is not the same as in the States. On top of that, I’m wearing heels most of the time. Here, the guys I date are about my size or just a bit taller because of what I said, tall guys here tend to have it extremely easy with girls and become cocky pricks. I like a guy who knows how to treat me well, and I try to focus on the good qualities those guys have, but I do NOT feel the intense attraction for them as with tall guys – that i don’t date anymore. It’s kinda like that discussion of passion vs. comfort that we constantly have on this blog.
     Karl: I think you do have a point. I mean, I still remember being embarassed by my chest when I was 13, because I was so skinny and used to be a ballerina, i suddenly felt “fat”. But honestly, I think many women feel the same, regardless of their sizes and heights, it’s just that few actually admit it. Also, as I said before, I don’t think it’s a “conscious” decision for many, it’s just a primal, inmediate attraction that, as Evan has taught us all, it may evolve quite bad some times.
      
      

217. Lou Rall Sep 11th 2009 at 12:30 pm 217

     Meli,

     I’m still confused, so you date short men, but you are not attracted to them,  why do you date men you are not attracted to?

     Then you say you don’t go for tall guys yet your first bfs were all over 6′ so which one is it?

     m

218. Meli Sep 12th 2009 at 04:11 am 218

     I’m so sorry I have such difficulty explaining myself. Maybe it’s because English it’s not my first language :S
     well, let me try again. I don’t go for tall guys. I don’t go for guys in general, I’m quite passive when it comes to guys and I rarely approach them.  I’d rather be pursued. That doesn’t mean that I cannot feel attraction towards a guy – especially if that guy is someone I interact to because of work, or we have friends in common, etc. So, when I see or interact to a very tall guy – over 6″ – i feel physically attracted to them. In countries where guys are taller, they’re not as cocky, in my opinion. But where I live now they are, because the media here is quite short, again, in my opinion. So, after two years living / dating here I decided to date guys that I’m not THAT physically attracted to (shorter guys) but have some other qualities that I like – reliability, comfort, kindness, etc.- although, even when I’ve had relationships with these guys I recognize I’ve never felt the same level of passion or attraction with these guys than with their taller counterparts. That’s why I made the analogy of our discussion in other post of “passion vs. comfort”. When we’re talking about passion, sexual attraction, etc. tall guys just do it for me.
     My first boyfriends were all over 6″ because I was younger. When you’re young – between the ages of 16 and 21- you tend to make decisions based on “he’s tall” or “she’s hot”. It’s only after you grow up a little bit that you realize how, eventually, other things are far more important.
      

219. Lou Rall Sep 12th 2009 at 12:34 pm 219

     Meli,

     lol ok, maybe it’s because i’m a guy and attraction is more visual for us i don’t know. but you sound like you are intensely attracted to tall men. Yet you date short men even though you are not attracted to them because they are comfortable, reliable, and kind. Do they have lots of money to?

     Is physical intimacy an issue then? You have no problem being physically intimate with someone who doesn’t do it for you?   Or do you just date short men for the free meal,  and have sex with tall men?

220. Meli Sep 12th 2009 at 05:32 pm 220

     Hahaha that’s so funny, yet inaccurate! I’m at a stage in my life where I’m looking for a long term relationship, not bc i’m looking forward to getting married – i’m only 24- but because i’ve finally come to terms with the fact that i don’t like just fooling around..i’m a relationship kind of person. So, i’m looking for certain personality traits in a guy because of that. If i just wanted to have sex, i would do it with the tallest of the bunch. Guys i date could have lots of money or could not. I’m certainly not dating a lazy ass guy who has never worked in his entire life. But I work for an NGO – not particularly known for being incredibly generous in the salaries, LOL and a guy who works for an NGO too, having similar interests, would be ideal for me. My family is rather wealthy, so thankfully, money is not an issue for me.
     Also, I definitely can have good sex with a guy I’m not THAT attracted to, as long as he is good in bed, LOL. I’m a very sexual person and luckily most of my partners have been quite good… But honestly, quoting that movie “Threesome”, ‘to me, sex is like pizza, even if it’s bad, it’s still pretty good’.

221. Jon Sep 12th 2009 at 08:57 pm 221

     Interesting article and responses, I definitely understand both sides.
      
     I’m 5′8 (I think, definitely not 5′9), asian, male, and on the nerdy side. I also grew up in the usa meaning i’m not just interested in asian women. I think this puts me at a severe disadvantage. But this is a part of life that you have to deal with. Honestly I haven’t dealt with it well but the older I get (i’m only 23) the more i accept it and try to just be positive. Because if you aren’t positive , who wants to be around you anyway? No one, and that’s whether you’re going on a date or not.

222. Lou Rall Sep 13th 2009 at 10:32 am 222

     That quote is lame,

     either it’s good or it’s not good there is no such thing as “bad but pretty good”

223. hunter Sep 13th 2009 at 12:23 pm 223

     Meli, sounds like you have your life in order. Congrats!

224. Meli Sep 13th 2009 at 11:28 pm 224

     thanks, hunter

225. Amazon Sep 29th 2009 at 10:37 am 225

     Since nobody has pointed this out, I shall. One theory is that short men are attracted to tall women because of a subconscious fear they’ll breed midgets. The opposite is true with tall men — they’re afraid they’ll breed giants.

     Although my initial reaction was to dismiss short women that exclude men under 5′10 as extremely shallow, perhaps my lack of aversion to short men can be ascribed to my own subconscious fear of breeding giants due to my height of 5′9.5 and not so much due to the exceptional enlightenment I assumed I must possess. Genes seem to really have a lot of power in influencing our preferences.

226. Sparky Oct 14th 2009 at 07:03 am 226

     There is should be no excuse for short guys to not go to the gym.
     I, like many of the other women here, have issues with short guys b/c I’m afraid I won’t feel protected and safe, so even though I’m 5′1, I’ve generally dated 6′0+ guys. Needless to say, my current boyfriend is 5.65, and while his shortness intially bothered me during the early stages of the relationship, the fact that he is in such good shape (six-pack, really strong and broad upper body, decent sized bicepts and forearms) really compensated for his shortness. Being wrapped up in his muscular arms or seeing him do 20 pull ups in a row, does give me a sense of comfort and protection.
     I’ve heard the same thing from other shorter guys – they have said that the best thing that works in attracting women to shorter guys on a physical level is getting really really buff.

227. Zain Oct 14th 2009 at 08:57 am 227

     “There should be no excuse for short guys to not go to the gym”

     Well excuse me! but not all of us have time to go to a gym.  Let me ask you something, when was the last time you did any exercise?

     Working out is a great way to be healthy and it’s very good to be fit and athletic.  but to do all that just so you can attract women  is just vain.   I’m not going to go to a some gym just because YOU said there is no excuse why I don’t go to one. I don’t need an excuse because I don’t have to justify myself to you.

     get real sister,  there is more to men then just their muscles. A friend of mine was 5′5” and worked out all the time and lived off protein shakes.  He was really buff and thought that he could impress women with that.  However most women laughed at him because his muscles were just way too big and he looked ridiculous.

228. Sparky Oct 14th 2009 at 09:44 am 228

     You are excused… actually, I work 10 hours a day, am a part time student, and still find time to go to the gym on almost a daily basis and watch my diet so that I can stay attractive for my boyfriend. And he does the same.
     I’m not saying you should look like a body builder or Arnold. Notice how I said, decent sized muscles not bulging or enormous. Neither do I prove of vanity. But physical attributes are VERY important to a lot of people, whether morally correct or not, as this thread proves – for some, height is detrimental.  Obviously, you can’t go around expecting to attract people based on physical appearance alone, that’s just stupid. All I’m trying to do is give a word of advice to guys who are generally overlooked simply b/c of their height, based on my own experience and of those I know – which is, that sometimes, being visibly fit can compensate for lack of height.
     So please don’t take offense at general advice, do read between the lines, and don’t take it to heart if you disagree.

229. Helen Oct 14th 2009 at 10:07 am 229

     Jon #221: You wrote: “I also grew up in the usa meaning i’m just not interested in asian women.”

     As an outsider to this perspective, I don’t understand: you mean that Asian-American men are raised not to be interested in Asian women?  That seems racist, even if the racism is directed at your own group. And I wouldn’t blame it on US culture. If anything, it seems that white guys adore Asian women! Your statement also doesn’t seem very accurate, based on all the Asian couples I’ve seen throughout schools, training, and jobs… usually Asian-American guys are dating or married to Asian women, not women of other races.

230. Zain Oct 14th 2009 at 11:35 am 230

     “You are excused… actually, I work 10 hours a day, am a part time student, and still find time to go to the gym on almost a daily basis and watch my diet so that I can stay attractive for my boyfriend. And he does the same.”

     Forgive me if I find that hard to believe.  I don’t know anyone who works out every single day. Infact working out everyday can do more harm then good.

     “I’m not saying you should look like a body builder or Arnold. Notice how I said, decent sized muscles not bulging or enormous. Neither do I prove of vanity. But physical attributes are VERY important to a lot of people, whether morally correct or not, as this thread proves – for some, height is detrimental.  Obviously, you can’t go around expecting to attract people based on physical appearance alone, that’s just stupid. All I’m trying to do is give a word of advice to guys who are generally overlooked simply b/c of their height, based on my own experience and of those I know – which is, that sometimes, being visibly fit can compensate for lack of height.”

     So can money, so can intelligence, so can alot of other things. I’m not disagreeing with you I know looks are important however they way you worded it made it sound like physical looks and big muscles are all that matters and nothing else. So if you are a short guy and you don’t have muscles nothing else you have to offer will matter.  Maybe that’s not what you meant, but that’s what it sounded like. hence why I got angry when you said “there is no excuse why a short guy doesn’t go to the gym” Excuse me? but who died and made you god? and like I said before in regards to my friend not everyone finds a gym rat attractive. I once dated a woman who was very athletic and worked out 4 times a week (not everyday like you apparently do)  Her muscles were even bigger then mine.  When I asked her why she doesn’t go out with big muscular guys she sees at the gym she told me about how vain and egotisical they are and how much of a turn-off that is. I’m not saying all guys who work out are like this but some of them are.

231. Sparky Oct 15th 2009 at 10:40 am 231

     “Forgive me if I find that hard to believe.  I don’t know anyone who works out every single day. Infact working out everyday can do more harm then good.”
     It’s called different muscle groups.
     “I’m not disagreeing with you I know looks are important however they way you worded it made it sound like physical looks and big muscles are all that matters and nothing else.”
     I’m not saying that they are. Just like with money and intelligence. But they do help, just like being physically attractive helps attract more partners. I’ll use myself as an example – my bf is just a few inches taller than me, and he’s really tiny. His t-shirts are about a size bigger than mine. At this point, I don’t care. But when I first met him, I did care. Fortunately his bulkiness makes him appear a little larger so I don’t feel like I’m dating someone exactly the same size as me. And in the beginning of the relationship, when I didn’t have that much exposure to him as a person, that really helped me overcome the initial “I kind of like him but he’s really short” reaction. He looks like a normal person – maybe like Daniel Craig on a good day, not some crazy body builder or obsessed gym rat.
     And since a lot of comments from the women here said that they don’t like short guys b/c they feel weird being around someone who is so small, I simply put up my message about what can help, since I’ve been there.
      

232. Zain Oct 15th 2009 at 11:42 am 232

     “It’s called different muscle groups”

     Please don’t insult my intelligence. I know what different muscle groups are.  and I know for a fact you don’t need to go to the gym every single day to look good.  My ex only went 4 times a week and would rest on the weekends  and I’d bet my life she is in better shape then you. So either you are lying or you are going to the gym more then you have to.

     “I’m not saying that they are. Just like with money and intelligence. But they do help, just like being physically attractive helps attract more partners. I’ll use myself as an example – my bf is just a few inches taller than me, and he’s really tiny. His t-shirts are about a size bigger than mine. At this point, I don’t care. But when I first met him, I did care. Fortunately his bulkiness makes him appear a little larger so I don’t feel like I’m dating someone exactly the same size as me. And in the beginning of the relationship, when I didn’t have that much exposure to him as a person, that really helped me overcome the initial “I kind of like him but he’s really short” reaction. He looks like a normal person – maybe like Daniel Craig on a good day, not some crazy body builder or obsessed gym rat.”

     I don’t think you are in any position to set the benchmark on what a “normal person” looks like.  I mean no disrespect but you sound pretty vain. Looks are very important to you  Especially since you are comparing your dates to hollywood moviestars.  This is quite telling.

     Ok, let’s do the math here You are 5′1” He is 5′6.5”  That’s a difference of 5 and a half inches which is almost half a foot. If you were the same height as him or maybe just an inch shorter I’d see where you are coming from. because he’s taller then you by almost 6 inches! It’s the equivilant of a 5′10” woman dating a man who is 6′4” and saying “oh I feel so big beside him”

     My guess is that since you mostly dated 6′0” + guys for the longest time you are not comparing your own height with his you are comparing his height and size compared to the other men you’ve dated despite the fact that he is still considerably taller then you.

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