Make The Most Attractive Man Fall For You Every Time (Video)


Missed the first video in this series? Watch the video, “Comparison is the enemy of contentment,” here.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Mieke

    I also always assume they will like me. Have a lot of confidence. I do as suggested. Wait for invitancions, only reply text, let the man treat me, enjoy the date. I’m a very happy person. Man find me attractive. But that’s all they like; my… booty…. :( grts from Belgium

  2. 2
    deannie

    Can I just have a big LIKE button please?? Really appreciated your real life experiences that highlighted the point: It’s ok to be the CEO of your own experiences :)

  3. 3
    Ann

    I act & think I am confident- it gets me a first date, but not a second or they dissappear shortly after…. I start to wonder if I am confident, so why do they leave?   It is even a bigger dissappointment when I am confident someone will stick around -and then they leave!

    1. 3.1
      TinaMarie

      I can relate.  I recently went on a few online dates were I felt confident and was being open and friendly.  I  thought things were going well and the guy would want to see me again and then I never heard from him.  This has happened a few time and it makes me lose confidence thinking it might happened again. 

  4. 4
    Anthea

    Ive been divorced since 2010 and my experiences have been varied but mainly that men I have met are out to sow their wild oats and want to get laid over wanting to establish trust etc in a relationship first. Needless to say they get the flick from me as Im not interested in sowing my wild oats but I am interested in wanting to get to know someone. I am nearly 49 although people tell me I pass for late 30’s as I keep myself fit, I am active, have an amazing career, property etc….and feel confident that “I am a catch” as they say lol…but good, decent and nice men out there in my age group arent interested or they only want the girl who really is in her 30’s, not someone who looks like it (with online dating they must instantly look at the age and say nah despite my picture being recent and Ive been told its a lovely photo of me. )…Is it because there are more women available for men to date and therefore choose from, then for women? I live in Australia. 

  5. 5
    Sunflower

    I’ve always been pretty confident, but at times I feel it back fires on me.  I’m 5’10”, lean, attractive and stylish (I like fashion).  I’m comfortable in my own skin, plus I’m 51 (have experience under my belt).  When you have these physical attributes, people sometimes find me intimidating, especially men.  What to do?  I’m am who I am….

    1. 5.1
      Karmic Equation

      Try to be “girl-next-door” stylish instead of “vogue” stylish. If you’re as attractive as you paint yourself to be, your “stylishness” probably comes across as “high-maintenance”, maybe even snobby, and as a reach, “could be crazy”, which probably what turns men off you rather than that you are “intimidating”.
      Wear jeans and t-shirts more. They can be high-end jeans and t-shirts – flowy flowery print sundresses instead of tailored ones :) “Sex and the City” stylish only works on TV, NY, and LA for attracting guys. Other places in the USA, girl-next-door style is much more approachable. And make sure when you smile, your smile reaches your eyes and is genuine (not saying you don’t do this already, but rather make an effort to ENSURE you do this).
      When I’m deep in thought out and about by myself, I try to think happy thoughts so that I’m unconsciously smiling; instead of thinking the deep thoughts that make me frown. Work on your vibe. Think happy, lighthearted, happy. Smile at your own thoughts. You’ll be happier and you’ll radiate the kind of energy men love to be a part of.

      1. 5.1.1
        Sunflower

        Thanks Karmic.  I would consider myself a girl next door, I can clean up, but I’m a tom boy at heart.  Play softball, golf, love sports, get dirty working in the yard, not afraid to mess my hair, and I do wear jeans and more casual cloths.  I don’t wear tailored cloths, they’re boring.  Honestly, I think it’s a combination of both my height and my appearance.  And, I love to smile!  Do it a lot :)   

        1. Kiki

          Sunflower,
          I am also 5.10, lean and fit, and I live in southern Europe, so I am considered too tall for a woman.  I have a high powered job and I dress conservative stylish as it is customary for my field. But  I am also a huge flirt, and I act around men as if I adore them. They act as if they adore me back :-). May be neither of us are faking it, you can never be too sure. The downside of this – I get less love by the women around me, but it would be too hard to please everybody :-).

        2. Karmic Equation

           

          I’m a shorty at 5′ (actually a tad less than 5′, but who’s counting?) — I have trouble understanding how a tall woman can be intimidating… simply because I don’t find tall men intimidating. I’ve had dates with 6’6 and 6’5″ men as well as dates with 5’3 and 5’7″ men. I’ve become more equal-opportunity about height (wasn’t always the case).
          I think men love tall, tom-boyish women. “Statuesque” is what they would call them, not “intimidating”. If you’re saying your looks are 9/10 plus you’re tall, again, I don’t think they’re intimidated by your looks or height, but perhaps assume that you’re taken. How could you not be, right?
           
          If it’s the latter, then you’ll need to be extroverted and flirty so that they realize you’re NOT taken.
           
          And if you tell me that you ARE extroverted and flirty, and yet men are STILL not interested, then your self-assessment is incomplete. Something about you is turning men off. I’m not trying to bring you down, I’m just pointing out something most women don’t like admitting to. Just as we downplay the negatives in the men we’re interested in, we also downplay the negatives in OURSELVES whenever we take that long hard look in the mirror. We don’t really look that hard. We stop at the nice words when we critique ourselves…”We’re intimidating”; “we’re picky”; “we’re independent”… instead of realizing that those words stop us from improving ourselves.
           
          We’ll “why” ourselves to death about why a guy did this or did that or didn’t do this or didn’t do that. But we NEVER why ourselves to death over the perceptions of our own qualities that can be viewed in the negative light by the opposite sex.
           
          “Why am I intimidating?” You stop at your looks and height, both which are out of your control. Nothing to fix there right?
           
          “Why am I picky?” Pickiness = discerning and having boundaries. Again. Nothing to fix there.
           
          “Why am I independent?” Independent means I’m not looking to be taken care of. So nothing to fix there.
           
          Not saying you are any of the following but
          …”intimidating” could be your (generic) disapproving attitude…your moralizing…over-religious-ness…your three huge slobbery English Mastiffs…etc. 
          …Pickiness could mean you seem difficult to please; maybe it comes off as bitchy or high-maintenance
          …independence could mean not only do you give off vibes that you don’t “need” a man, but you don’t even want one; or that your independence creates a wall that prevents you from being able to connect with a man; or that you THINK you’re independent, but you don’t realize certain actions are the complete opposite.
           
          When you analyze yourself, be BRUTAL; ask men (non-relatives, straight, and whom you know aren’t looking to get in your pants) and don’t get mad or defensive when they tell you the truth. Don’t ask your girlfriends or female relatives. They’re going to validate you instead.
           
          Because once you get to the brutal reality, you’ll know keeping men around is totally WITHIN YOUR CONTROL.
           
          The downside of that is that you have to acknowledge your responsibility in your own dating successes or failure from that moment onwards.
           
          Most women don’t want to acknowledge that responsibility. I think that’s the cause of most women’s failures in finding and maintaining relationships. Not lack of beauty nor getting too old or too fat. 
           

          Again, I’m really NOT trying to bring you down. Just giving you a way to improve your dating life. It starts with REALLY and TRULY knowing yourself and seeing yourself as others see you, not the way you see yourself.

           

  6. 6
    N

    My 2 cents. Coming from a NJM (Nice Jewish Man) I am newly dating who at 40 never been married and self-proclaimed picky dater.

    NJM said I am genuinely happy, fun, spontaneous,  adventurous and easy-going. I wear clothes that reflect my mood. My outfit ranges from whimsy, tailored, sporty, adrogynous to biker chick. I show my strengths without being overbearing and not afraid to show my weakness. And albeit, we are not sleeping together (I want to wait) I am very affectionate. NJM concluded by saying I make him feel like a million bucks! N.

  7. 7
    tamara

    Wow Evan, you’re gorgeous, no wonder you’re confident. Perfect skin, great teeth, amazing eyes, and all. :)
    Yeah confidence is super-helpful for dating. Despite all my character flaws–which I now try to work on–my high confidence has always helped get me the guys I wanted, and many that I didn’t. So i know a woman who increases her confidence will make herself soo much more attractive to guys…I wish I could become more extroverted though, maybe I need therapy on that instead. Because there are some of us who have all the assets to date successfully, and yet lack the energy to continue doing so. Extroverts make more money too, on average. They’re greatly advantaged in life! But I digress… :(
    I think a problem with us ladies being confident though, is, I worry how much of that is based on my looks, which may slowly fade. There are ladies who are lucky enough to look better as they get older, but to be blunt, I think very pretty women usually go downhill a little after a certain age–because the starting point was so high. But I really do feel women can still be v attractive at all ages. Nonetheless, i try to develop my character and intellect to help sustain my confidence for many many yrs to come.
     
     
     
     
     
     

  8. 8
    Kate

    Evan,
    Thank you for this perfect little video. It’s just what I needed. : )
     

  9. 9
    Henriette

    I agree with most of what you say in this video, Evan.  As an example of doing it wrong:  a bright, attractive girlfriend of mine gets so nervous about whether or not a date will like her, that she always works herself into a frenzy hoping to win his approval and is filled with relief if he does.  So, instead of spending her early dates evaluating whether or not a man is of fine character and could be a good match for her, she’s trying to impress.  As you may imagine, this rarely leads to healthy relationships with quality guys. 
     
    That said (written), I disagree with this entry’s title; maybe your intern wrote it?  Being truly confident is appealing but will NOT make the most attractive guy fall for us, every time.  There is no magic pill that will make every “10” guy fall for a “2” woman, no matter her CEO Energy.   Of course this title is hyperbole but you “give it to us straight” so well, Evan, that you don’t need overstatement to make your (valid) point. 
     
    By the way – your current hair cut/style is adorable! :)

    1. 9.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      You’re right, Henriette – I’m not prone to overstatement, and yes, my web team wrote the title. :)

      1. 9.1.1
        Henriette

        … and yes, your hair is fabulous! ;)

        1. Joe

          You know, I actually thought Evan looked better with his previous short hair.  Fortunately, we are hardly each others’ target demographic. :)

  10. 10
    Anthea

    I have been thinking about this post after I posted an earlier entry before…..Evan you often tell women to “let the man” do the chasing, the calling and asking you out on dates and we are suppose to respond with enthusiasm (if you like them that is)…and yes I agree and yes that has worked even when I was in a relationship (ie positive reinforcement). But now that Im single again…and see myself as a confident woman who is available to date now…how do I show that to men whilst “waiting” for them to make the first move? I do the eye contact thing, or smile and turn my body in his direction to show I am interested, but no one approaches me out in real life. They do if my girlfriends and I are out listening to a band, but theses men are usually hammered, or married or questionable….lol…I would love to meet a man in real life and although Im involved in a lot of sporting activities, (horse riding competitions, Zumba) and I keep myself fit, the only way Im seeing to meet men is via online dating or at a bar?? Am I doing things wrong? Should I be approaching men I see who could be a possibility and talking to them just like you say you did when you waved to the girl calling her over to you and to your surprise, you found that she came over. Im just not getting the waves, or being approached. I think like one person said people may think Im already taken so therefore I wear NO RINGS or jewelry at all as a result. I think the (good) men in Australia  are just too shy perhaps?

    1. 10.1
      Kiki

      Dear Anthea,
      If you would allow me to share my observations about dating, based on my single/divorced female friends experince in your age group in Europe .
      I would say 80-90% of eligible dates for these women are generated online, with men they meet on dating sites, facebook etc.  Real life generates very little potential dates, as men in this age group have a very strong preference to avoid rejection and would not hit on women the way younger men would. 
      So I would say, do not underestimate the potential of online dating. It removes the question as to whether you and the man in question are available for dating, so you can wear your jewerlry all you like :-).

  11. 11
    Anthea

    That makes sense Kiki and I do see the opportunities online dating can open up….but how did the “older generation manage meeting another partner post divorce then without the availability of online dating. I have used online before and by all means it can be successful with the right guy (if you find him that is), but at this stage I was hoping to avoid having to shift through the many incompatible strangers (its a numbers game) and thought this time my approach would be more organic…but alas you are right. Guys in my age group avoid “rejection” !! Even when I have inboxed a guy on FB who I knew was single, he told me he was busy and so I said no problems, feel free to contact me when you are free and gave him my number….but nothing….BUT he always “likes” my FB photos etc. Sooo strange and I refuse to contact him again. Im not desperate. Ball is in his court as they say and he has my number. ** sigh** I may have to go online again….Im not looking forward to it to be honest. 

  12. 12
    Mary Jane

    I am recommending the book The Science of Happy Ever After  by Ty Tashiro to you.  It will give some statistics to add to your rational, logical, cut to the chase way of talkin’ bout love.  
    It really nails some of our false thinking.   

  13. 13
    Janelle

    I love this video!! I totally resonate with what Evan says about confidence. I have always felt confident about meeting men on dates – i was always so enthusiastic to see where it could go to that i didnt ever feel worried or nervous about meeting a man for the first time. True to form, i always got asked out a second time.

  14. 14
    Moni

    Love this! What more can one say? :) Thank you! 

  15. 15
    Kitkat

    That story Evan shared was a little deja vu of a party 15-20 years ago.  Except when I went over to the guy who had made that little wiggle with his finger, he said, “so is that all it takes to make you come?”  Said in a manner that walking over to him, is not what he meant when he said “come.”  It’s an old party joke/pick-up line from about 20 (50) years ago.  Not that that isn’t what Evan said or meant in his story … but I’m just saying that men typically use that move to gain the upper hand, sotospeak.  I used to laugh it off, but now tend to walk away from that.  That’s emotional intelligence. 

    Other than that story – which gave me flashbacks of humiliation and stupid drunk jokes – it was a good video.  

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