What Percent of People Respond to Your Initial Emails on Match.com?

As you may know, before I became a dating coach, I was a prolific online dater.

I tried every site around, starting in the late 90′s. Matchmaker.com. Nerve.com. JDate.com. Match.com. eHarmony.com. Chemistry.com. And probably a few others that are escaping my memory right now. These days, PlentyOfFish.com and OkCupid.com are the two free online dating players worthy of your consideration.

But from both my personal experience and my coaching experience, I’ve learned that most people tend to fail in online dating and then blame the website.

This is like blaming the gym because you didn’t lose weight.

Site are just big boxes of single people who are trying to meet each other. Nobody shows them how to come up with clever usernames. Nobody teaches them what photos to post. Nobody illustrates how to create a unique, compelling online dating profile. Nobody teaches effective email techniques based on actual research.

This is the way normal people talk when they go to parties. They don’t tap you on the shoulder and say, “You look cute. I think we have a lot in common. Let’s go out.”

The closest anybody gets is OkCupid – and all they do is give you test results – approximately 27% of people respond to first emails, overall – they don’t show you HOW to write great first emails.

So if you’ve been frustrated with your results in online dating (and one look at the comments below indicates that you ARE), there are a number of things you can do differently to get different results. One of the most powerful ones has to do with writing first emails. Consider what most people say:

Subject: Hi

Text: Hey Pat102. I read your profile and you seem really cool. I liked your photos. You have a great smile and I think we have a lot in common, too. I noticed that you have a dog. I also have a dog. What kind do you have? Where do you like to walk your dog? Maybe we can get together sometime. So, check out my profile and if you like what I have to say, I really hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely, Chris.

If you’ve ever received an email like this, you know it sucks. But then why do you also WRITE emails like this as well? My theory is because it’s easiest – it’s what comes naturally to you. So you don’t put much thought into it, and, not surprisingly, it doesn’t get very good results. Why would it? There’s nothing funny, interesting, compelling, or different about such an email. Plus, it compliments the recipient too much – as if Chris is just praying that he/she is good enough for Pat102. No wonder Pat doesn’t respond to this display of weakness.

First emails are best when you offer your opinion of something specific in the person’s profile – but instead of doing what you normally do: “I agree. I like popcorn, too!”, you actually say something disagreeable, controversial, silly, or playful. Make an observation. Be sarcastic. Come up with a joke. Anything other than, “I like you. I like what you said. Please, please, please consider going out with me.”

For example, if someone says in his profile that he likes Costa Rica, you think about all the things you know about Costa Rica and search your brain for a humorous angle. Something other than, “I’ve heard it’s beautiful there! Tell me more!” Personally, I don’t know ANYTHING about Costa Rica, but I do know that all of my left-wing, liberal, neo-hippie friends go on yoga retreats there. Literally, the only reason I’ve even heard of Costa Rica is because of yoga.

So I use this in my email:

Subject: Yoga-Retreat Island

Hey, Pat. I have to be honest with you. I don’t know anything about Costa Rica; I think it’s in the Caribbean or Central America or something like that. All I know is that all of my left-wing yoga friends go on week-long retreats there every year. Which makes me wonder: what does it look like when you fly in at the airport? As the plane is descending, do you see 25,000 people doing down dog at the same exact time? Are there 25,000 more people who are ziplining from tree to tree? Inquiring minds want to know.

Talk soon, Chris.

You didn’t talk about yourself. You didn’t talk about the person you were writing to. You didn’t compliment the other person. You didn’t brag about yourself or sell yourself or ask anyone on any dates. You just made a silly observation about Costa Rica.

This is the way normal people talk when they go to parties. They don’t tap you on the shoulder and say, “You look cute. I think we have a lot in common. Let’s go out.”

It all starts with a little bit of witty banter.This technique is known as the Opinion Opener technique and it’s worked like a charm for thousands of women and men who’ve bought my Finding the One Online audio series.

If you’re sick of online dating – all the wrong people writing to you and the right people not writing back, here are four simple things I will teach you to do:

* You can come up with a new username/headline.
* You can post different online dating photos
* You can write a better online dating profile.
* You can improve your email technique.

All of this is explained in fascinating detail in Finding the One Online – with 7 hours of audio, a 180 page transcript and a 35 page workbook.

Click here to see for yourself how to make more people respond to your initial emails on Match.com.

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Comments:

  1. 121
    Nicole

    It’s funny how people always think everyone ELSE is being shallow but them. Men AND women who complain about lack of responses will go on diatribes about how people that they don’t find attractive have the nerve to contact them even when THEY presume that the people that they contact should respond to them.  I mean, I don’t have to agree with it to say that you shouldn’t be shocked if a lady who has certain height criteria doesn’t respond when you contact her.  

    I mean, you can blame your height, claim that all women want millionaires, or whatever, but yeah, at the end of the day, the people who want to meet you will respond, and they are no more shallow then you are when you get contacted by people that you don’t want to meet.  It might not be your height.  It could be your face, your hair, your profile…all of these things are subjective after all.  

    What’s so hard about that?  For what it’s worth, i think women can be won over by personality if they get a chance to meet you, but I don’t think the same is true.  The real challenge for men is getting a shot in the first place, and for SOME women, you might be screened out for certain reasons but such is life, and they are entitled their the search criteria as you are.

    Now, if you fast forward a few years and you’ve got nothing to show for it might prove that you should open your search, but we know that people would much rather complain about how the people contacting them are too ugly and poor and stupid than do that.   

    As Sayanta said, OLD largely favors white men (and women)…they are the biggest pool of participants and more non-white people probably include whites in their searches than the other way around.  So as a white guy looks for white women, you are competing with all of the other white guys and non-white guys who email them.  

    I guess all of the short men I see with wives didn’t get the memo that women hate them.   

  2. 122
    Hannah

    I have been on Match for several month and have gotten ZERO responses to my emails.  I’m so frustrated!!  I’m a 33 year old female, and I think age must have everything to do with it.  When I was in my late 20s (and living in a different city), I would get hundreds of emails from men, and I’d even hide my profile because I was so inundated with unwanted email.  Now that I’m older (and recently moved to a different city), I cannot get an online date to save my freaking life.  It is so strange — I look virtually identical (if not prettier than when I was in my 20s!), and my profile is basically the same but appropriately updated.  ARGH!!!

  3. 123
    I suck at internet dating

    After being fed up with the lack of response from the women who stuck my fancy on eHarmony I tried Match.com. It has been less than a month now and I have sent out 25 e-mails and not one person has responded. Must be my difficulty in expressing myself with words or I’m going for all the arrogant ones.

  4. 124
    Anon

    The response rate from women on match.com is less than 1%.  That is not an opinion, but a fact.  

  5. 125
    LVNW

    My response rate is 37%, based on my inbox/sent. Chicago 29 SWM, 6’1, MBA. Small business owner. I came up an 8 on hotornot pic posting. The name listed is my match username. I wrote my profile to be interesting, without being “out there”.

    Emails need to be concise, use “keywords” from the person’s background and interests, i.e. kayaking, volleyball, so it gets their attention. Start up a normal, interesting conversation. Take a minute to think of something interesting to say.

    Ask for their phone number after a few emails, CALL THEM to chat, do not TEXT to set up a date. If you do not call, they will flake out on the date.   

    Smile, be confident on the phone, and you are Gold. 
       

           

      

  6. 126
    James

     
    LVNW – Your advice with regards to writing emails is sensible but if someone doesn’t like you, then that tailored email is a total waste of time.
     
     
     
    The reason you’re probably getting a good response is likely due to your height and that you’re possibly above average attractiveness.
     
     
     
    I’d put good money on the fact that a good looking guy at 6ft 2 could write a shocker of an email (Hi baby, u look nice etc) and still probably have way more success online than an equivalent guy who was 5ft 8 who tailored his email. That’s life I’m afraid.
     
     
     
    Although women will hypocritically refuse to admit this, they’re just as superficial as men. And this is especially true online as they have far more choice (way more active men on these sites etc). But I don’t blame them for this. After all, when all they they’ve got to go on is an internet profile, of course they’re going to revert to making snap and cynical judgments – Is he tall enough? Good looking? Earns enough etc?
     

  7. 127
    hespeler

    Don’t always assume height will get you anywhere.  I’m 6’2″, been told I’m good looking (though I do have a receding hairline), and I’m in very good shape.  I have had success…been out with over 30 women from online dating but I go through periods where I’m invisible and can’t get a response.  Most of the dates I’ve been on I have not been attracted to the other women.  I have had 3 or 4 that were 10′s but never got a second date.  Usually, I get no resonse from the very attractive women on-line.  Even if you do get a date with one of them, they have so many options and view you as disposable.  The last date I went on, the girl was georgeous and we even made out at the end of the date (she initiated it) but three days later she told me “best of luck” and I see her right back on Match looking around.  This is a girl in her mid-30′s with a kid and can do that because of all the options she has.  Now I made some mistakes (didn’t fawn but made it clear I liked her, hence, no challenge for her).  I’m just trying to show that the odds of getting a great looking girl through on-line dating is VERY VERY slim.

    Online dating can be very, very humbling…

  8. 128
    Still-Looking

    Hespeler @133 

    Date long enough and you will realize that your original goal of “getting a great looking girl” is not the goal you should be seeking.  It’s been mentioned numerous times to the women on this site that the Alpha Male is usually not the best choice for a relationship.  Likewise, the “hot” women also have their issues.  Read the Pity the Pretty blog.  Another great EMK article is the one that advises to focus on the relationship as opposed to the individual’s characteristics (height, weight, religion, etc.).  If the relationship is a 10, does it really matter if she doesn’t qualify as a trophy-bride for some other reason?

    Chasing the hotties is fun — and exhilarating — and depressing.  Been there, done that!  Best of luck.

  9. 129
    Dennin

    I agree with James 100%. I have been on Match for 3 months and after sending thoughtful, witty (I think), non-threatening messages that uniquely addressed each profile’s idiosyncrasies to approximately twenty five women, I have received one lonely response–and even she vanished after my reply to her reply. 
    I am 6 foot and modeled in Los Angeles before moving to the midwest. The only thing I can surmise is that my salary is only 75-100k. My friends, who have had some success with Match, are baffled the replies aren’t more frequent. I thought of trying an experiment before the account expires and write that my salary is 300k. Because although I am not Johnny Depp or William Shakespeare, I am out of answers and simply can’t fathom how my profile only garners a response rate of 5%. 
    I have gotten the occasional wink and a couple random “you’re cute”s from women that didn’t interest me, but I did at least reply to them with a friendly thanks!
    I abhor Match. If there’s a secret, let me know…
     

  10. 130
    Ann

    I have been on Match several times over the last 4 years. I do much better in person, actually, and can’t go out without getting hit on. But I have very spotty luck online. Sometimes I get no replies from anyone–even guys I was not that into–and sometimes I get a lot of attention. I’ve noticed that as I get older, less men respond. I’m 36 now, even though guys tell me I look 28. Also, the men I have dated on Match have turned out to be messed up–Narcissists, commitmentphobes, etc.

  11. 131
    Sayanta

    Dennin- 

    How old are you? And what’s the age range of the women you write? If they are much younger, that’s why you’re not getting responses. If a 46 year old guy who looks like George Clooney emails me, I’m not replying- he’s over a decade older than me! 

  12. 132
    Ann

    Sayanta, I agree. Prob 99% of the guys who contact me are 10 years older than I am and look like my father. While it’s not uncommon for a woman who is 36 to date a man 46 or older, like I said I look in my 20s and am looking someone my own age. But the men my age are looking for younger women (according to their age range) and don’t even look at my profile, even if they are the kind of guys I’d reject in bars. Guys, if you want a woman to respond, go for women your own age. That would be my guess.

  13. 133
    jack

    I came across this via Google and thought I’d offer my .02 on three separate Match.com endeavors. First, a bit of demographic info… I’m just shy of 5’11″ and have weighed between 180 and 205 over the span of my Match timeline. Have typically dated attractive women. And, started at 26 and am now just under a decade away from forty.
     
    The first time I tried online dating was right after college. I moved across the country and knew a total of three people in my new city. I was in the worst shape of my three separate Match experiences, but did fairly well. I didn’t send out many emails, less than 20 and ended up going on a multiple dates with three ladies before meeting someone outside of Match and pulling my profile. Having read most of these replies, I would have to say I did well. Overall I was very happy with the quality of ladies on Match.

    In 2009 I relocated to another city, and thought I’d fire up the old Match account to meet girls. Round two required a lot more effort. I sent out about 50 emails, and received 5-10 responses. The first girl I met in person ended up having a pretty poor personality and wasn’t nearly as attractive as her photos would lead a guy to believe. The crazy thing is she kind of turned into a mini stalker. Luckily that only lasted about a month (the stalking not the dating). Next I met a really cool girl and we ended up dating for about two months. Turns out we were at different places in our lives and just grew apart and stopped dating. Shortly thereafter, I met a beautiful… yet ultimately crazy girl whom I lived with until just recently.

    Three days ago I flipped the switch, updated my photos and info, and dipped a toe into the online dating pool. Very promising out of the gate. Two winks and two emails within 24 hours, and another email the following day from a pretty attractive young lady. However, I’m batting ZERO on email responses. I’ve sent out nine emails so far and was beginning to wonder what was wrong with my new profile. I’m in pretty good shape (especially compared to my last two tries), have a few professional photos (from weddings), and have photos of me climbing/hiking/etc. I’ve had 41 views. Six from girls I’ve emailed… but nothing in terms of an actual response. Not even a “no thanks.”

    I’m pretty glad to see that others on here have had similar experiences. I’m a bit of an over analyzer  and was starting to wonder what I was doing wrong. I’ll try to post an update in a few weeks. I can’t honestly recommend Match, nor can I advise against it. Maybe that will change in the next week or two.

  14. 134
    hespeler

    Hespeler @133 
    Date long enough and you will realize that your original goal of “getting a great looking girl” is not the goal you should be seeking.  It’s been mentioned numerous times to the women on this site that the Alpha Male is usually not the best choice for a relationship.  Likewise, the “hot” women also have their issues.  Read the Pity the Pretty blog.  Another great EMK article is the one that advises to focus on the relationship as opposed to the individual’s characteristics (height, weight, religion, etc.).  If the relationship is a 10, does it really matter if she doesn’t qualify as a trophy-bride for some other reason?
    Chasing the hotties is fun — and exhilarating — and depressing.  Been there, done that!  Best of luck.

    I can tell you since that last rejection I’ve done a lot of soul searching.  I am trying very hard to develop a new mindset towards dating.  I don’t need this competition or blows to my self-esteem at this point in my life. 
    Problem is, you have to want to have sex with the person your with.  Finding that mix of personality AND sexual attractiveness is I think just as hard as chasing 10′s.

    I am taking a little break from it all but when I get back out there I am going to try and make something happen with someone who might not live up to every physical standard I am looking for.  Let the 9′s and 10′s look for their Brad Pitts and Jennifer Anistons all they want.  I’ll try and be happy with who I am and who chooses to love me for me.

  15. 135
    Kenny

    I have had zero success. I have emailed quite a bit. So much that it has discouraged me to the point where I send out less and less emails. I do not think I am a bad looking guy. It just doesn’t make sense. I also don’t even get many profile views. I think I only have like 30 something which makes no sense. I would understand if they viewed my profile and then decided not to respond.

  16. 136
    soul2soul

    I’m a male, I emailed about 450 emails in the last couple months,(yes it has been a full time job, I have set aside time to pursue somone special. I winked (on match) 200 ladies had six responses. I favorited about 450 and recieved about 12 emails and two phone numbers…..nothing eventful has happened. I have yet to go on a date. Throughout my life I have been told that I have very good looks and about 6′ tall fairly good build and toned offered modeling jobs and have modeled a little bit…about 190 lbs. I’m 44 now and just got back in the dating scene after many years. Never been a player and goal oriented. I have never been married nor do I have kids,,,, I send very thoughtful and complimenary emails that are 5-8sentences long,…I very considerate and respectful in every way…I do email 8′s,9s and 10′s…I usually dated ladies of that caliber 10 years back….I have been told that I have ages very well…I keep in good shape…I have a full head of hair….I think the ladies, even though they out member the men 2:1 or 3:1 receive on average 15-30 emails a day…I have been told some get 100-200 emails generally the 9′s and 10′s…I’m picky however my average email sent to 8.5′s…I have a very long sincere, genuine profile with about 7-12 pics all 8-12 months old many are vrery current current. My failure rate is profoundly frustrating!!

  17. 137
    Zaq

    @soul2soul

    Here’s my take on why it may not be working

    The cocky funny works on women less than 30 years old. The older the woman, the more response to longer emails with plenty of ego stroking.
    If you are a man  that is not average in all areas, I think it may work against you.
    Women in general want as much information as possible about men. This information is used only to disqualify men.

    For example, if you are above average in physical attractiveness, but older, or less financially secure. The negative points are used to disqualify you.
    If you are financially secure, confident and funny, but short or older, you are disqualified.
    The more so if the woman themselves are attractive, who may be forced to make much quicker judgements.
    You would probably be better off dating in the real world.

    This also applies to women. Those who are less physically attractive, but who have game (think Cleopatra, Anne Boleyn), or perhaps someone who is very attractive, but over 40.

    Average people seeking average people may work, but you still have the problem of women thinking most men are taller than 5’10″, earn double the national average wage and possess a full head of hair.
     

  18. 138
    Kevin

    I’ve about had it with the whole online dating thing.  Over the course of the last 2 months, I have sent over 100 messages.  (104 to be exact)  I have NOT GOTTEN A SINGLE RESPONSE.  I always say something different in every message and try to sound interesting and unique.  I’m tall (6’3) and I never thought of myself as unattractive.  But apparently I am.  Oh well, more time to focus on school I guess. :) 

    1. 138.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Fascinating that you blame “online dating”, Kevin, instead of looking in the mirror and trying to figure how to do it better. Better username, better photos, better profile, better email technique, better understanding of women. It’s on you, man.

      Online dating works for people who know how to work it.

  19. 139
    Michelle

    I’m a 25 year old black woman who dates interracially with full understanding of the challenges of seeking that kind of relationship online.  On ok cupid, match.com, and plenty of fish I get virtually no attention or responses from the men I seek out, who tend to be in the 34-40 year age range. That’s not to say I’ve had no luck at all, just much much less than the average pretty girl, and yes I’m pretty. A former model, slim , fit, creative, intellectual, funny – I know what I have going for me, but I also know that my race is an obstacle in the virtual world where the most important aspects of my personality are intangible, those aspects being those that matter most in setting me apart from what anyone would consider “typical” for a black woman. 
    My profile is professionally written, and I don’t use any of my airbrushed modeling pictures so as to not come off fake or intimidating. I’m not amazing at email banter, but I always try to use specific info from a person’s profile in my responses to show sincere interest. Yet my success is much less than it should be. 
    I did get a bit more attention online when I had long straight hair, but I’m joining the droves of black women who are embracing the short natural look and I love myself more for it. I get plenty of compliments in the real world from white men who dig natural hair on a black woman and this boosts my confidence in it.
    I’ve recently relaxed my age range to include younger men and have a date soon with a fit, handsome, 32 year old white professional. Keeping my fingers crossed that there’s a connection because I’m getting rid of my Match.com account for now..
     
     

  20. 140
    LD

    @hespeler 140

    You are spot on. I agree with Evan that it’s on the man to find out how to work online dating. But just because it’s on us doesn’t mean it isn’t a stacked deck.
    Notice how many women say they respond to 10-15% of men, yet many also say they respond to almost all men even if it’s just to say they’re not interested. It just doesn’t add up, like in Lake Wobegon, where “all the children are above average.” I can say from direct experience that across 3 services (Match, OKCupid, and eHarmony), I have made a conscious effort to (1) make a good profile and get feedback on it; (2) read each woman’s profile all the way through; and (3) send an email according to the advice (keep it short, mention something specific of interest, limit discussion of her appearance). eHarmony is different because of guided communication, but even there I get very few responses to my icebreakers, which by definition are uniform so “bad email” is ruled out at the start. My pretty consistent average is 4-5% if I send an email first (all but 1 or 2 were no thank yous), and 0-1% where the woman contacts me first.

    What this suggests to me is, yes, I probably could improve all facets of my online dating presence. But that can’t be the whole story, because on paper I just can’t believe I’m that ignorable. I know, maybe I am, but I have been on dates with a few fairly attractive and intelligent women who say I’m good looking. I know I’m not George Clooney but I’m not an ogre either. I’m not saying this out of arrogance but out of years of getting a feel for how I come off socially and the few times I have flirted. I’m also not the most spectacular writer, but I don’t think my profile is so boring that only 1-4% of women would be interested in it. I could be wrong, though.

    I think the unspoken part of the story may be that women have the luxury of being far more selective because they hold the dating cards. Notice how high the response rate is for women who write to a man first. Also notice how many women feel entitled to never have to write to men first. If men did the same thing, no one would ever write each other. But women can do it because, for whatever social or biological reason, men — not 100% but maybe 90% — have to write first to get the ball rolling.
    And for all the talk of bad email by men, I got this (honest it’s real) email from a woman who contacted me first: “Nice profile. (0:” That’s it. If I submitted that as a man’s email, it would get torn apart as not knowing how to contact a woman. Am I wrong?

    If you add in the other biases of salary, ethnicity, looks, religion, and other interests, then a man could be getting rejected for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with the quality of his emails. For example, one guy wasn’t even getting profile views. That suggests he’s probably being filtered out before his profile is ever seen. How does he “work” that? By lying about his settings to get himself past the filters? What if the real problem is the way women are setting their filters?
    Of course that isn’t a “problem” per se because, by definition, dating sites are designed to cater to everyone’s preferences. But for that very reason it would be surprising if real bias effects — having absolutely nothing to do with the quality of a man’s email or looks or general suitability for dating or marriage — have crept in because women are really in the driver’s seat here. @Michelle 146 I would say the same thing may apply wrt race and may explain why certain ethnic women get treated like “men” as it were. It may be whoever doesn’t make the cut of the group holding the cards in the scenario. I’m not accusing anyone of racism, just honest bias and filtering that I think is sometimes unjustifiably passed off as “bad email” or “not working the format.”

    I think speed dating is probably better overall for men, though that’s based only on my experience. Even though I’m shy and clearly am eminently rejectable online, I had some fun speed dates and met some great women who were actually interested in me.

    Just my two cents. Good luck to all.

  21. 141
    Dave

    Wow this is fascinating. I thought it was just me. I’m a decent looking and successful guy and I can’t believe the frustration I’ve experienced with online dating. What gets me are these women who write “looking for a stable, normal and fun guy to meet and date”. I’m eminently qualified for that yet nothing. I’ve even looked at other guys profiles to check out the competition and , not to sound arrogant, but I think I’m head and shoulders a better a catch than 95% of the other guys. Just a weird experience.

  22. 142
    Zaq

    @LD 147
    Not happening is it

    No, speed dating isn’t much better. Studies have shown that personality has virtually no effect on dating outcome. The 2 tall handsome guys in the group – they get all the matches. Psychologists have theorized that faced with too much choice women revert to just the physical factors.

    The Freakonomics study seemed to suggest that only the top 5% of men were getting any response. 90% of men give up within 3 months apparently.

    In truth you don’t need to read any of the studies – just reading the comments above will give you a flavor of what is happening out there.
    Women who think they are a 7, when they are more likely to be a 4, holding out for a 9

    In the real world you will hear women saying “I wasn’t attracted to him at first but …”
    In OLD it doesn’t get as far as a “but”

    I have known really quite short guys end up with attractive women in the real world simply by being persistent. Can’t happen online

     

  23. 143
    matty

    I write custom emails and my response rate is about 2%.  Beyond that, all but 1 match has disappeared in the ‘black hole’.

  24. 144
    starrygirl

    What’s up everyone? Googled for match.com success rates and got this site. Really glad I did.
    Well, had to comment with my story. I’m 31 and been trying online dating off and on for the last four years.
    I tried eHarmony. Over 3 years, was on there a total of 18 months. Got very few responses and even less from guys who made the first move. I did go out with one guy for four dates. But no chemistry. Two other matches kept me hanging long-distance for far too long. I’m still upset with myself at how stupid I was.
    And I did even have my two married siblings look at my photos, help me with my profile and everything. Other than these 3 guys, I got zilch. Nada. Nothing.
    Then a friend suggested I try OKCupid. I said, why not? She and I are the same age. I’m not a judge on looks, but I thought we both were rated the same average looks. She was a bit chubbier than I, but she managed to get two dates from two different guys on OK.
    I have to confess like some others here, I did get a lot more responses on OK than I ever did on eHarmony. Unfortunately, 99.9999999% of them were nice and replied with hey, you’re nice-sounding, but… I think out of 100 e-mails I sent in a perhaps 3 month period, I got about 20 no thanks and a handful of friendship offers. Only one reply that seemed promising. But we couldn’t agree upon one vital issue and so it ended before it even started.
    Now, for match, another friend seemed to have some positive luck. So I gritted my teeth and signed up for three months. It’s been a week and I’ve sent a bunch of e-mails and winked at another bunch.
    Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I second what someone else said. I guess I’m too ugly. Especially if other girls on match are getting 100 e-mails from guys a day? Wow, I must be hideous.

  25. 145
    Sean

    I suppose I am lucky, I am a male and I have had an 8/10 response rate. I am of average attraction level, athletic, but I purposely put mainly head shots or baggier clothes in my profile pictures. This wasn’t always the case. I found when I really took time with my profile narrative, assuring the grammar was correct and that I was talking about me, e.g. my personality rather than the “I enjoy sports and reading” approach my response rate skyrocketed. I was also very choosy about who I contacted at all. Only those women I found genuinely interesting and attractive and not playing the numbers. For argument’s sake though, I work out of town a lot, so I would send about 3 emails a slow work month on a slow month and only one if I was too busy. My emails were not formulaic and I tried to use my natural language as much as possible. With that approach I not only got responses 80% of the time, but I would get a date set up pretty much with every battery of emails from at least one woman.

  26. 146
    Frank

    I haven’t had my subscription long, but just wanted to respond to some of this. I have sifted through hundreds of womens profiles narrowed it down from over 1800 women to around three dozen then narrowed it down to about two dozen. Out of the two dozen there is maybe 12-15 girls I could see myself being with, and I messaged each one of them with no response. Some of them I messaged two or three times no response. I’ve got to say I’m not going to be able to personalize my message to much when I’m not able to even talk to the girl, and their profiles are pretty generic, but if it’s not good enough that out of over 1800 women I choose to put all me time into just a dozen of you a few of you I like a hell of a lot then what is? I’ll spend hours rewritting my profile, and go quite a few nights with pretty poor sleep so I can understand the whole health comment one of you made lol. :) Christ though the women seem to think their gods gift to humanity, and the men are expendable or something like that where their obviously pretty poor human beings a lot of them. Not to offend anyone.

  27. 147
    Frank

    This would be in the 18-25 range by the way with a few exceptions to a few 26-27 year old women if curious.

  28. 148
    Shaun

    Im a guy and have had a pretty low success rate just getting girls to respond to my personalized messages.  I quit match because it was really killing my self confidence.  I could go out to a bar and have sex with a girl at a higher success rate than i could get somebody to respond to a well thought out message.  To top it off the girls i hooked up with at the bar, were get this, the same girls who wouldnt respond to me on match.com.  

    Online dating was invented so girls could date guys better looking than themselves.  Good for them id say for guys though unless youre solidly good looking youll do better just being bold out on the town. 

  29. 149
    Paragon

    38 years old, full head of hair, 180 cm, 185 lbs, extraordinary fitness(bench 400+ lbs, tilt stairclimber at max intensity
    for an hour 5 days a week, leaving all the 20 something year olds in the dust, etc.), indications of low biological age(ie. I
    look like a 20 year old).

    When I was online dating, I started out emailing only the most attractive women, and response rate was between %10-20.

    There was a *huge* difference, in response rates, depending on location(ie. emailing women in dispirate locations, could yield predictable differences in response rate).

    Ironically, I found that age peers were less receptive, than younger, more beautiful women(ie. I had a couple 18 year old cuties who were extremely taken with me – but, were not what I was looking for in a LTR, obviously).

    I found this curious, until I considered that any sample of female age-peers should be expected to be particularly obstinate, with respect to their adaptations to single life(hence their predicament).

    But, I had long before come to realize that I was no exception to that rule(and taken appropriate measures – I began seriously considering women of legitimately average attractiveness).

    I never replied to emails that limited themselves to sexual innuendo(I was looking for a LTR prospect, and such content is a red-flag, IMO).

    Still, I responded to perhaps %30 of the emails sent me, including my eventual choice(which I encouraged by placing her in my favorites) – and this turned out to be my soulmate(she is 25 years old).

    I was astonished to learn, that she had only been registered for a week and had received *thousands* of unsolicited emails(she is very beautiful).

    I, on the other hand had received around 30, after a substantially longer tenure.

    A couple weeks later, we both agreed to take down our profiles, permanently.

    For OLD, the limiting factor for continued discourse(pursuant to emotional bonding)is always going to be the pictures
    (representative of attractiveness), except where individials are making a conscious effort to relax this criteria(which, I
    would argue, is an indicated strategy in many cases – especially regarding unrequited females who find themselves struggling with averse, or non-comittal males).

    To the embattled middle aged woman struggling to find the ‘one’, I can only offer this caution:

    It does not hold that being more selective, at a lower level of attractiveness in advancing age, will meet with greater
    success(than the past).

  30. 150
    LVNW

    Your profile needs to stand out and impress. Do you have pictures such as:

    -In the bathroom using your cellphone with your shirt off?
    -Sitting in front of your computer

    These pictures don’t cut it.

    Ideas for pictures:
    -Outdoors with a cool background (lake, beach, something interesting)
    -Good headshot for your Primary photo

    After you start getting responses and going on dates, you get to experience being rejected after a few dates! haha

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