You’re About to Learn the Real Reason a Man Will Suddenly “Disappear” from Your Life…
Even if He Seemed Into You or Told You He Loved You…
And the Secret to Not Only Keeping a Man Totally Hooked But Making Him Feel That He Never Wants to Leave
“This Book Will Change Your Love Life”
'Why He Disappeared' is exactly what I would have wanted to write if I were a man...Evan tells it to us straight - with humor, with passion, and in a way that will stick with you - that will actually make a huge difference for you. We women have been sold the lie for so long that we have no power in relationships - and Evan turns that lie around and gives you your power back. He not only gives you your power back, he shows you exactly how to use it - and what's even MORE important, how NOT to use it. I love his "tough love" - because sometimes it's hard to see how much power we actually have, and because so many "gurus" are afraid to say the truth about men and relationships.
If you've been frustrated and confused about why your relationships aren't working the way you want them to - this book will change your love life. Coming from a man who's had so much experience helping women in real life, who has so many success stories in his track record and has a distinctly masculine point of view is just so incredibly valuable. I loved it.
January 19, 2017 - Thursday
Thanks so much for visiting my website. I’m excited to share with you the secrets of what men are really thinking, but before I do, I want to ask you a question about your past:
Have you ever felt an intense connection with a man – one where you felt like you “just knew” it was right?
You know what I’m talking about.
He was good looking and charming. He seemed to “get” you and seemed to know exactly what to say to make you feel good. He gave you butterflies when you thought about him and your knees would go weak when he´d look at you a certain way.
Your Heart Raced Every Time The Phone Rang, Hoping It Was HIM
He gave you that hopeful, anything-is-possible feeling. You know that feeling. You love that feeling.
Nothing is more real. Nothing is more exciting. Nothing gives you more hope about the prospect of true love. And since all the positive signs were there, you began to look further ahead.
You started to picture your future together.
You told your friends and family about him.
You imagined events down the road – traveling, holidays, kids.
You had every reason to think he felt the same way. He told you that you were beautiful and sexy. He would ask you if you’ve ever been to exotic destinations and that maybe one day he’d take you. He’d hold your hand and share his dreams of having a family someday.
He seemed so into you. Everything was going so great.
Then, Suddenly, Out Of Nowhere, He DISAPPEARED
At first, you didn´t believe it was really happening. You figured it must be some miscommunication.
He told you he´d call you, but he didn´t.
He didn´t call the day after that, either. Or the next. He didn´t e-mail, or text, or anything. Zilch. Zip. Nada.
So you began to make excuses for him to make yourself feel better.
“Maybe he just got busy.”
“Maybe he’s having a hard week.”
“Maybe he’s in a bad mood.”
You tried to stay calm, but inside, you were an emotional wreck. You attempted to piece things together in your mind. Did you do something wrong without even knowing?
No, you told yourself. Everything was perfect.
You went through the checklist in your mind. He definitely found you attractive. He definitely made an effort to see you. He definitely talked about making future plans.
So What Happened? It Just Didn’t Make Any Sense For Him To Disappear
You took a chance and decided to send him a quick note, “Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Everything okay?”
But it had already been a few days since you sent him an email, and you still hadn’t heard back from him.
You started to worry. You became despondent.
You contemplated breaking your telephone silence and calling him.
But you knew better. You held back. You stayed cool.
A few days later, there was a ray of hope. He responded to your email with his own email: “Sorry I’ve been out of touch. I’ll try to call you soon.”
You told yourself that this was good news. But deep down, you knew what would happen. A few more days went by and he didn’t follow up. Another week passed. Finally, you couldn’t help yourself.
You called him. You texted him. You called him again.
Nothing. It’s as if he fell off the face of the Earth.
Once again, a promising guy disappeared… and, to this day, you still have no idea why.
You Know You Could Have a Chance of Getting Over Him and Moving On…
If Only You Knew WHY He Disappeared
Disappearing men are the most common dating issue in the entire world, and yet there don’t seem to be any solutions. Worse, you find that you can’t successfully move on.
You meet other guys who don’t give you the same spark.
You spend nights thinking about where you went wrong.
You burn up countless hours with your friends, who assure you that he didn’t deserve you, that he’s intimidated by you, that he’s an emotionally unavailable player who’s afraid of commitment.
And while you want to believe them, a part of you wonders if you might have played a small role in why he disappeared.
If you’d only understood him better, if you only handled things smoother, if you had only given him what he wanted, maybe there would have been a different outcome.
I hate to tell you, but your instincts are right.
You could have kept your intense connection alive…
You could have avoided this sadness and confusion…
You could have had the relationship of a lifetime…
…if you’d only understood the unspoken desires of men.
Now, for the first time, you can.
Stop Wasting Your Precious Time and Energy Obsessing And Become More Successful In Dating By Learning From Your Mistakes
“Be Amazed At How Much Better Your Love Life Becomes.”
This book is so simple yet so profound and important. If every woman knew and actually DID what it suggests, there'd be a lot more WILDLY happy women - make that COUPLES - in the world. I LOVE ‘Why He Disappeared’ and agree with every word. Get it, read it, reread it and commit it to memory, and then stand back and be amazed at how much better your love life (not to mention your whole life!) becomes.
First of all, it’s not your fault that you don’t understand men. There are no high school or college classes on this subject, no dating Masters degrees that you can put on your wall.
You go to school, you date around, you fall in love, you fall out of love. You break a few hearts. You have your heart broken. This is the way we pursue relationships.
As an intelligent woman, you’ve probably even noticed patterns in your behavior. Your attraction to cute, charismatic alpha males. Your aversion to nice guys who bore you. Your desire to find a man who is taller, smarter, more generous, and more successful than you. Your refusal to settle with the wrong guy, no matter what.
You feel like you’ve learned a lot, yet the results are always the same:
You don’t want the men who do want you.
You want the men who don’t want you.
And after the latest disappearing act from a man who really seemed like he cared, you’ve just about had it. You’re determined to figure out WHY this keeps happening, WHAT you can do to prevent it, and HOW to avoid men who will break your heart.
But, for the life of you, you can’t figure this puzzle out.
You know you’re a great catch.
You know that you’ve got a lot to offer.
You know that you’re smart, interesting, independent, and passionate.
All you’re looking for is a man who has all of these qualities as well.
Is that so wrong?
Of course not! Really, you deserve it!
Still, Everywhere You’ve Turned For Advice, You Haven’t Learned A Thing You Didn’t Already Know
Your friends, your family, women’s magazines, dating books, Oprah: everyone reminds you that you’re a goddess, a princess, a diva. Love will find you when you least expect it! Don’t waste the pretty!
And yet here you are, at the end of your rope, after spending one month, three months, six months, one year, WASTING your precious time on another man who disappeared.
The secret to understanding men doesn’t rest in talking to other women.
You Want To Know The Truth About Men? Listen To A Man
“Ever Wished You Could Take A Guy For A Beer and Pick His Brain?”
Ever wished you could take a guy for a beer and pick his brain about what real men think about dating and relationships? About what makes men fall madly in love with some women and completely vanish on others? Well, “Why He Disappeared” is even better, because it reads like a conversation with a good friend, but Evan just so happens to be a professional dating coach with all the answers you need to whip your love life into shape.
There are plenty of finger-wagging "gurus" out there who will dish out the tough love. But who wants lectures when you're confused and hurting? With a unique combination of charm, wit and wisdom, Evan delivers the message you need to hear to get the love you want. I wholeheartedly recommend this wonderful book.
And not just any man. You want to learn from a man who’s made it his life’s work helping women understand men and teaching them how to have more fun with dating and relationships.
My name is Evan Marc Katz. I’m a dating coach who has written two previous books on relationships, and coached thousands of women to understand men. Before getting married in 2008, I was a serial dater, had numerous six-month girlfriends, three-month trial relationships, six-week flings, and, yes, even a few one-night stands.
In other words, I’m not just a professional dating coach, I’m also the guy who disappeared on you. The guy who seemed like he was really into you, but was having second thoughts in his head the whole time.
And I’m speaking for other men – quality men – who have done the exact same thing. We are smart, we are kind, we are successful, and we are as relationship-oriented as you are.
But there are a few major mistakes that the most impressive women routinely make, which drive men to seek out other relationships.
After fifteen years of dating and seven years of coaching, here are the three biggest ones I’ve been able to identify:
The 3 Biggest Mistakes Women Make That Cause Men To Disappear
Believing That What Attracts Him to You is the Same Thing You Find Attractive in Him
You look great for your age. You’re educated. You make your own money. You’re smart, analytical, resilient, driven, ambitious, and independent. You know what you’re worth and, after a few bad experiences, you’ve vowed never to compromise to be with anyone who isn’t up to par.
Yet every once in a blue moon, you meet a man who makes the cut.
Your attraction is strong. Your connection is real. Your chemistry is white hot.
You dive into a relationship … and he breaks up with you a few months later.
Next thing you know, he’s involved with another woman who isn’t nearly as attractive, successful, or impressive as you are. And you scratch your head and wonder what head injury this man has suffered to choose such a woman.
Why would he give you up for her? It’s completely confusing… unless you understand men. Then, it makes perfect sense:
What you’re looking for in a man is NOT what he’s looking for in a woman.
- He doesn’t care if you’re smarter than he is.
- He doesn’t care what you do for a living or if you have a healthy bank account.
- He doesn’t care if you’re cultured and well-traveled and sophisticated about the finer things.
Thus, your strongest traits – your intelligence, your success, your independence, your drive – don’t matter as much to him. He wants what he can’t get from his male
A man wants a woman who makes him feel good, who makes him feel loved and secure. He wants someone who makes him feel sexy and trusted.
Regardless of what you do for a living, how successful you are, or even how beautiful you are, if you don’t consistently make him feel good when he’s with you, he’s going to disappear and find a woman who does.
You’re Being Too Proactive
Men win you over by giving to you. We ask you out. We call you. We pay for dates. We initiate sex. We ask for commitment. We propose marriage. We give. You receive. Reverse this order by asking him out, initiating sex, asking for commitment, or proposing marriage, and a masculine guy will feel, well, emasculated. Thus, if you want a masculine guy, your greatest move is to embrace your passive feminine side.
You may hate the word passive. You may think it sounds like a 1950’s housewife, or a helpless woman who can’t do anything for herself.
Being passive doesn’t mean that you can’t do anything proactive. It means that you’re choosing not to do anything proactive, because being proactive during courtship is ineffective in making a man feel attracted to you.
Here are a few common examples of being proactive:
- You have a great date, you email him the next day to say you had a lot of fun.
- You haven’t heard from him all weekend, you text him to make sure he’s doing okay.
- You want to see him next week, you tell him his favorite band is playing downtown and you can get tickets.
- You’re confused about where your relationship stands, you ask him where things are headed.
You think you’re being real; he thinks you’re acting clingy. Understand, the man of your dreams doesn’t NEED to be pushed to be your boyfriend.
The disconnect is this: You want men to actively pursue you. But most men do not want to be actively pursued. The only guys who do are really shy, really insecure, or really clueless about women. Most men will value you more if they have to win you over. That’s what guys mean about a “challenge”. So step away from “The Rules,” which tell you to refuse to return his calls or act like you’re busy when you’re not. All I´m asking you to do is embrace your receptive feminine energy.
Continue to push men for dates, commitment or clarity, and watch them run away.
You Worry Too Much About Getting Hurt Again
You’ve probably been hurt by guys in the past.
One boyfriend may have cheated on you. Another may have dated you for three years but didn’t want to get married. Another might have been a friends-with-benefits guy who never wanted a relationship with you.
And because you’ve had these life experiences, you’re determined to learn from them. You tell yourself that you’re never going to find yourself in that position again. So you become vigilant. You look for the signs. You seek “red flags” and instantly dismiss a man you even SUSPECT is going to be a player, a commitment phobe or a wishy-washy loser.
You ask him probing questions on the first date, looking for chinks in his armor.
You make it perfectly clear about what you will or won’t tolerate up front.
You ask where your relationship is going after the third date.
Then you wonder why he disappeared.
Here’s the deal:
Men are not heartbreakers looking for our next victim. It is never our goal to hurt you at any point in time. Like you, we’re not sure what will make us happy. All we know is that we’ll know it when we see it.
But you’ve gotta give us the chance to reveal ourselves over time.
Push your boyfriend to know where things are going too soon and you’ll quickly find that they’re not going anywhere at all.
How can you learn about a man and protect yourself without scaring him away?
Fortunately, it’s not that hard to show you how to make different choices in your love life – choices that lead to more nurturing, stable, meaningful relationships without compromising your needs or risking that a good man will disappear on you.
"I've Found A Sense of Peace Around My Dating That I’ve Never Had Before..."
Before reading "Why He Disappeared," I would put a lot of hope and expectation into every encounter and into any new guy I’d start to date. This inevitably led to big disappointment when things didn’t work out. Earlier this year, I found myself at my wit’s end – once again left wondering what went wrong, or what I did wrong, after another non-starter relationship. And that’s when I contacted you...and what led to my breakthrough.
Actually, you broke through to me by helping me shift my perspective. It took a while... but I finally get what you mean when you talk about letting go of control. More specifically, letting go of trying to control what I can’t control – namely, anyone other than myself. Letting go has given me confidence. It’s given me choice. But, most of all, it has set me free. From anxiety (will he call/care/commit?). From worry (why isn’t he calling/caring/committing?). And from self-doubt (what am I saying/doing wrong?).
By letting go I’ve found a sense of peace around my dating that I’ve never had before. I now know not every date I go on has to, or will, mean something. And instead of sweating the "what does it all mean?!" stuff, I’m focused only on having fun and being a fun date. It’s been working for me and it appears to be working for my dates. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s a snippet from an email I received the morning after a recent date I went on:
"I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed spending a few hours with you yesterday. Your down-to earth attitude and easy-going demeanor made me feel at ease. I hope we can meet again and pickup where we left off."
Thank you so much for giving me the jump start I needed to get going...and to keep going!”
The One Reason That Men Disappear, More Than Any Other, By Far…
For too long, you’ve accepted this pain as just part of the dating process.
It doesn’t have to be.
There are women out there – not many, but a few – who are really good at handling men.
There are women who are in happy relationships, women who have happy marriages, women who don’t spend any time wondering about why he disappeared or when he’ll disappear.
It’s not that these women are smarter than you (they’re not), prettier than you (they’re not), or kinder than you (they’re not). Perhaps they have brothers. Maybe they have lots of guy friends. They could have had a number of long-term relationships. Whatever it is, there’s a handful of women who know what makes men tick.
That’s the big issue, isn’t it? Why do guys do what they do? Why are they so confusing?
They’re confusing because you are not a man. (Believe me, that’s a good thing!)
But just like 99.99% of men could use a crash-course education in understanding women, the vast majority of women have never bothered to view the world through a man’s eyes.
And if you’re only viewing the world through your eyes, you’re only getting half the picture.
I’d like to give you the rest of the picture.
I’d like to explain to you why men choose some women and not others.
I’d like to illustrate to you that the women who do best with men are those who truly love men for all that they are.
Strong. Smart. Sexy. Generous. Thoughtful. Sensitive. Funny.
Believe it or not, there are LOTS of men out there who are ALL of these things – but they may not be looking for you as you’re looking for them.
I should know. I was one of those guys. I have no doubt that I was the subject of a few dozen “why did he disappear?” conversations.
I also know that despite seeming like a player, I was always looking for a relationship, I never wanted to hurt anyone, and would never openly criticize a woman I was dating. I was a genuinely good guy who wanted to settle down and have a family, but went through hundreds of dates who didn’t understand me as a man.
On paper, there was nothing wrong with these women. Smart, successful, interesting, educated, attractive, sophisticated, ambitious, opinionated – these were the qualities that drew me to them. Yet they were never enough.
It wasn’t until I met my wife – with two brothers, an ex-husband and a father in the military – that I truly found a woman who understood men, who knew how to make me WANT to commit to her for a lifetime.
My attractive, relationship-oriented male clients feel the same way. Every single one has identical frustrations with the women they date, which has nothing to do with how these women look, how smart they are, how funny they are, how successful they are, or how educated they are.
Date after date, week after week, it’s always the same story: Men of all different ages, of all different stripes, from all over the world pass up amazing women for reasons that the women have never even considered.
Yet somehow, I still didn’t think there was a need to create an entire book around just one question.
Then I found myself on the phone with a close friend who happened to be a business coach. She’s in her early 40’s, attractive, successful, and highly self-aware. When we were discussing her latest fizzled relationship, the first thing she said was: “If you could write something that explains, once and for all, why men disappear in the middle of dating, you would be doing the world a great service.”
I immediately got to work.
"Evan's Guide Showed Me What I WAS DOING WRONG"
Ouch!!!! That hurt. I mean really, really hurt. I read the entire book in one sitting. Reading Why He Disappeared was like reading my own personal dating history replete with failures. Except this time, I have the opportunity to get it right.
I just told my boyfriend of 3 months (yes, he does all of the things on the checklist) that I totally trust him...and that was the night before WHD went on sale. This came as the result of another single, mutual friend of ours trying to sabotage our relationship. It made us stronger. It made me anxious to buy Evan's book. I am a successful, independent, African American attorney. I live in Memphis, TN which, among other issues, does not have the greatest reputation for being a place where singles can live, thrive, and DATE.
I am now dating a wonderful and successful African American man whose devotion to me never ceases to amaze me. We are both in our late 30s (I am 37 and he is 36), and yes, I do want children someday. Neither one of us have children.
Although, I am in a relationship, I found the advice on page 35 of the book regarding what men want to be highly enlightening. I too believed that just being beautiful (I am often told this by men and women alike), successful, financially stable, secure, confident, and a great cook, would cause me to have men lined up down the street and around the corner--not so. I blamed it on the "shortage of dateable/marriagble black men". I blamed it on the fact that most of the men I date have not acquired the success (nor the financial stability) I have, and they are intimidated. Evan's guide showed me what I WAS DOING WRONG.
When my guy called last night (he works in corporate America and travels with his position), we talked, I giggled softly, I did not indict him for his perceived flaws, he asked if I minded cooking lasagna for him when he returns this weekend, I obliged. When we hung up the phone, I COULD FEEL THE SHIFT. He called me back before going to sleep thanking me for being supportive of him.
We have been friends since we were 16, and yes, I do LOVE this man. Thanks to you, Evan, I now have a fighting chance with this relationship before knocking myself out of contention. No, I do not know whether I will marry him, but if even my excuses about the shortage of men of my ethnicity could be dissolved by reading your book, then ANY woman's excuses should dissolve just as rapidly.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS GIFT WITH THE WORLD.
What I’ve compiled in my eBook, “Why He Disappeared” are the very things that men hope and pray that you figure out on your own.
The same exact way you hope that a man will simply listen to you instead of telling you how to fix your problems…
…or you hope that a man will instinctively make a great effort to meet your friends and family because it’s important to you…
…or you hope that a man will immediately tell you that he sees a future with you instead of playing games because his commitment makes you feel secure…
The same way that you wish that men just UNDERSTOOD this stuff naturally, men actually wish that they were understood, too.
The Secrets to Understanding Men Are No Longer Secrets
“I wish you really understood me.”
It’s likely that none of the men you’ve dated has ever said this to you.
They’ve probably never even said this to their friends! But they HAVE said to it to me. Not the bad men – the bad men are clueless – but the GOOD men. The men you want. The men who make you laugh. The men who believe in chivalry. The men who want families. The men who value commitment. These are the men I’m speaking for.
My eBook, “Why He Disappeared” provides an insider’s view of the entire dating process. For the first time, you will observe your own behavior during dates, courtship, and relationships from a man’s perspective.
I’ve decided to publish my book exclusively online in electronic format, so you can download it right now, and be reading it within just a few minutes…
Finally, you’ll understand what’s been getting in your way these many years, and how close you already are to being the woman of an incredible man’s dreams.
With the Insights You’ll Learn Through ‘Why He Disappeared’, You’ll Begin To Experience Men and Dating In an Amazing New Way…
You’ll be able to tell within a couple of weeks if a man is serious about you. And if he isn’t, you’ll just be able to walk away, with your confidence sky-high because you’ll know exactly what went wrong and that it wasn’t your fault.
You’ll be able to enter each new relationship with power and optimism, instead of fearing that moment when things come crashing down.
You’ll finally know the 3 secrets of what effective women do with men to make them never want to leave.
You’ll feel amazing because you’ll be able to cut off all of the men who are only interested in you casually, and focus exclusively on the men who have long-term interest in you.
You’ll be able to learn how to make the kind of man that makes you feel weak in the knees want to commit to you, so you can experience the incredible feeling of having the RIGHT man want YOU for a change.
You’ll learn how to feel so assured and relaxed around a man, that you come across as naturally very likeable, warm and magnetic and don’t have to worry about whether he will ask you out again.
You’ll learn how to read a man’s signals from the first date, so you’re not wasting years of your life on a man who will just disappear one day.
You’ll finally be able to stop the parade of awkward coffee dates, delayed follow ups and late night texts, and be in a relationship with a man who consistently does what he says, says what he means, and treats you the way you’d like to be treated.
You’ll finally know what men think about paying for a date, the first kiss, the first sexual encounter and most importantly, a foolproof way to make sure these “touchy” issues never backfire on you again.
You’ll be able to trust a man and get rid of that cloud of confusion and anxiety that often comes with dating. You’ll never again wonder why he does what he does, when he’s going to call, or what you should do differently. You’ll know, deep inside, that whatever you’re doing, it’s the right thing.
With the information and insights you’ll learn in my eBook, “Why He Disappeared,” you’ll be able to completely change your experience with men and dating. You’ll know how to effortlessly move a man toward a more secure and stable relationship. You’ll feel better, date smarter, and experience the kind of confidence and happiness you’ve always dreamed of.
"He Knows How To Coach Women Into The Marriage Of Their Dreams"
'Why He Disappeared' is a gift to successful single women who are ready for love. With Evan’s deep understanding of men, love, dating and relationships and his straight forward, no-nonsense style, he knows how to coach women into the marriage of their dreams.
If you are truly serious about finding the love of your life then I suggest you fully commit yourself to being guided by Evan.
Here Is Just A Small Sample Of What You’ll Learn Inside My Surprising eBook:
- The most important, earthshattering, revolutionary idea about the men who have disappeared and left you broken-hearted. Learn this, and drop a lifetime of pain and confusion, freeing yourself up for true love.
- What traits desirable men desire most of all in a woman. The answers will surprise you!
- The big mistake most women make in assuming that the reason he disappeared after a first date is because he’s not attracted to you. In fact, 85% of the time that he disappears, it’s because of something you did on the date! Find out what that is.
- The dozens of things that men do to please you on the first date and the ONE thing you have to do to please them in return!
- The only method that shows you how to keep a man interested when you’re not having sex, and to ensure that he 100% definitely will call you after you do have sex.
- What men REALLY think about kissing on a first date and how he feels when you turn the other cheek.
- How to instantly determine if your boyfriend is using you for the short-term or is in it for the long haul. It’s simple. It’s fast. And it gives you the clarity you deserve.
- Find out what attractive, successful single men are fighting against every time they’re in a relationship, so you can know EXACTLY what he’s thinking and feeling about “settling down”.
- Why knowing how to change a man is NOT the answer to being happy and secure, and the one thing you CAN control and change immediately.
- How to turn your love life around by simply changing your perspective in this one, specific way.
- The KEY to having a relationship with an ALPHA MALE. It’s knowing when and where to do this…
- The 3 basic emotional needs that men have that you can easily fulfill – if you know what they are!
- The number 1 quality that men look for in a woman – without it, it doesn’t matter if you’re gorgeous, thin, smart, rich, or cultured, because he’ll lose interest.
- What you should do when you leave work to ensure that you’re the most attractive version of yourself on a date. Do this and every man will want a second date with you.
- How a 5-minute exercise can literally turn around an entire date. Not only will it make him like you more, but it’ll make you like HIM more, too!
- How to let go of years of pain and frustration and leave it buried in the past where it belongs.
- 3 ways in which you’re ACCIDENTALLY sending him the message that you’d rather be anywhere else except on a date with him, even if you think he’s HOT.
- How you can connect equally well with average guys and intellects, and make each and every date into a positive experience.
- 10 simple things you can do to make a man feel special on a date so he’ll ask you out again.
- Are you inadvertently making him feel UNIMPORTANT? If so, you could be making him lose interest and disappear. Find out how to avoid this critical mistake.
- A guaranteed method to determine if a guy is serious about you after the first date. The key is in remembering that it doesn’t matter what happens on the first date, it’s how he follows up AFTER…
- The only philosophy you’ll ever need when dating a new guy. This can’t miss advice about letting men reveal themselves through their efforts will change your life forever!
- Exactly how much time you need to set aside each week to ensure that love can enter your life (you NEED to take this seriously).
- The reasons why you may have thrown away a potentially GREAT HUSBAND by dismissing a man for certain dating faux pas. How to know if he’s a diamond in the rough.
- “Forgive the ignorance” — what you need to do in order to open up more dating and relationship opportunities for yourself and end up with a great guy.
- The one all-purpose method for dealing with the check at the end of a date. Do this and there will never be another awkward moment – for either of you.
- The 2 things that you MUST pay attention to in determining a man’s level of interest in you. Hint: it’s not how cute he is, how smart he is, or how he makes you feel!
- What to do after a man tells you he’s fallen in love with you, but hasn’t discussed commitment yet.
- The right time to bring up serious relationship issues – and have them taken seriously by your boyfriend!
- You know what it feels like to date a man who’s just way too into you? A little annoying, right? Here’s how to know if you’re accidentally inspiring the same kind of feelings inside of HIM, too.
- A man will start to lose interest if he senses THIS in the way you talk about your past relationships.
- The most important thing you can say to yourself when your guy has put his foot in his mouth or done something really stupid. Learn this and change your life!
- The 3 most valuable techniques that the smartest women use to keep the relationship healthy. I literally married my wife because she knew these 3 techniques!
- Have patience with this one thing about him and you’ll endear yourself to him like no other woman.
- Do you assume that ALL men are lying, emotionally unavailable, commitmentphobic? If so, learn why this is a MASSIVE mistake.
- Why giving a man this ONE THING (it’s not sex) will make him be loyal and faithful more than anything else. Without this, good men will quickly disappear.
- Why men would often rather hang out with their guy friends – and what you can do to become part of his innermost circle.
- The kind of self-help books that men read and the ONLY reason that a man will ever choose to change for your relationship.
- How to avoid the deadly “Chemistry Trap”: his amazing qualities blind you to his bad qualities and you never get the relationship you deserve.
- The key to figuring out which issues you can deal with from men, and which ones you should run from. The answer might surprise you!
- The Perfection Principle – until you get this, you’re going to continue to pass up the most amazing men who come into your life.
- The qualities in men you should NEVER accept and the qualities in men you should ALWAYS accept. You’ve been getting them backwards all these years!
If you’re wondering whether you can really get all of this from an eBook, and, more importantly, whether it will actually make an impact on your life, I don’t blame you. You should be skeptical. Smart women always are.
But I was delighted to find out that “Why He Disappeared” is not just effective in theory; it works wonders in practice. Just ask some of the readers who have already taken my advice to heart.
"I Think I Found You Just In The Nick of Time."
I wanted to give feedback about your new book. It is awesome! I have always struggled with the whole ''let the guy pursue you'' concept. From a woman''s perspective, I always want to be up-front about my interest level, and thought that if I didn't show interest, the guy would move on. I am in the ''courting phase'' in my current relationship (yes, we met online).
Every fiber of my being wanted to e-mail my new guy today, just to let him know that I was thinking of him, etc. But after reading your book, I decided to take your advice and Don't. Do. Anything. It was grueling! (And, BTW, he had said to me casually a couple of times that ''it's all about the chase, don't forget that.'' ) BUT, hours later, he sent me a very sexy e-mail, then sent me a text message. And I followed your instructions, and responded happily to his e-mail and his text.
Now, the other part of the book that resonated with me was written by your wife, so you get no credit. Mr. Right has a big family ''birthday dinner'' on Sunday because 4 of his family members have birthdays within a few weeks. He did not ask me to attend this event. I was hurt at first, but after reading what your wife wrote, I understand that him not inviting me to this, has nothing to do with me.
We're going on a trip to Aruba next week. I think I found you just in the nick of time.
Many thanks, Evan!
Your advice is spot-on, and sometimes (from a female perspective) hard to swallow.
"The Result Was That I Let the Man of My Dreams Walk Right Into My Arms"
When I started reading WHD, I was hooked immediately. I felt so relieved to learn how to focus on men's behaviours instead of words, but especially, how to flatter and bring out the best in the men I was dating. This took the pressure off, made dating more fun, and was extremely effective at making men feel comfortable. As well, I learned a very important lesson about how to recognize the good things men were doing, which I often overlooked, and forgive their minor mistakes.
I applied Evan's approach and saw immediate results. Suddenly, I was in control - the men I were dating always called me back for another date. It was so easy! I felt like I was finally effectively showing who I was during these dates: comfortable, confident, and charming. I had so much more fun on dates because by learning how to make men feel appreciated and at ease, I really feel that I got to see the best side of them, too! Shortly after, I met a man I was very interested in but who had a very successful and busy life. Things moved slowly at first given his busy schedule. Eventually he told me I was irresistible and he had to be my boyfriend. We couldn't be happier!
I feel absolutely fantastic. There is no better feeling than knowing you are putting your best foot forward and are in control of your dating life, instead of the other way around. Using Evan's tools, I was able to effectively show men who I am, make them comfortable and at ease around me and wanting more. The result was that I let the man of my dreams walk right into my arms. It still feels surreal, it's so great!
How To Know If This Book Is For You
If a man consistently calls you when he says he will, and is always pushing to see you again, to the point of where you NEVER worry where the relationship is going or if he’s into you, then you don’t need this book.
If you’re the one who ALWAYS says “no” to a man or you’re the one who loses interest FIRST, then you don’t need this book.
If your man tells you he loves you and has COMMITTED himself fully to you and your relationship, and his actions are in alignment with his words, then you don’t need this book.
If you’re confused and hurt because a man suddenly stopped calling for no apparent reason, then you need this book to learn what happened and get peace of mind.
If you’re anxious and waiting for “the other shoe” to drop with a man, you need this book NOW. Why? Because you may already be sending the wrong subliminal message that could make him disappear.
If you’re afraid to be vulnerable because you don’t want to get hurt if he disappears just like the last guy, then you need this book. You’ll learn exactly how to get what you want out of a relationship without closing yourself off.
If you seem to only want the men who don’t want you, and the ones who stick around are simply all wrong for you, you’ll discover why that happens and what to do about it.
If you’re agonizing over a man because you’re afraid that he’ll hurt you, be sure to download my book right away and begin with the section called “Why He Disappeared From Your Relationship.” You’ll learn how to make a necessary shift in attitude, so you can feel confident and relaxed around him instead of constantly on edge.
If you would love to know the secret to getting self-proclaimed lifelong bachelors and “players” to stop giving you the runaround, you’ll learn the 3 secrets to getting a quality man to settle down with you. These are highly effective insights from my wife, who really understands men. It’s her understanding that got a lifetime dater like me to finally pop the question!
“Why He Disappeared” will reveal things about men and dating you’ve been confused about your entire life. With the clarity and understanding you’ll get from reading my book, you’ll actually enjoy dating and relationships much, much more.
Understanding the Male Point Of View Is The KEY To Connecting With A Man And Inspiring Him To Be Committed, Devoted And Worthy Of Your Love
I hope it’s already clear, but if not, I’ll come out and say it:
YOU are the reason I wrote “Why He Disappeared.”
You could be my sister. You could be my friend. You could be my client.
My point is that I know women like you and I care deeply for your well-being. And nothing kills me more than knowing that you’re in such pain over your romantic relationships.
It just doesn’t seem fair.
You’ve got everything going for you, except for the one thing that is most important in life.
You’ve put yourself on the line, taken another chance on love, only to watch yet another guy disappear.
You’ve done your best to stay positive, but you’re struggling to keep up even a glimmer of hope.
And who could blame you? When every single relationship ends in disappointment, what incentive is there to keep on going?
That’s right. Not much.
Which is why you MUST do something different. Instead of staying the course and inviting in the same players and liars and emotionally unavailable guys, you need to open up to a new world view: the male one!
Understanding the male point of view is the key to connecting with a man who is a true equal.
No more relationships with flaky, noncommittal guys; “Why He Disappeared” is your magnet to attract men who are committed, devoted, and worthy of all of your gifts.
Do Yourself A HUGE Favor
Let me ask you an important question.
How important is meeting the right man and creating a loving, committed future with him to you? Is it on your Top 5 list of things you think about on a weekly basis? A daily basis? Even more often?
If you’ve already wasted a lot of precious years on men who told you they cared but then fell off the face of the earth, who acted interested one minute but blew you off the next day, who told you they loved you but discovered they weren’t “in love” with you months or years later…
Then you already know you don’t want to waste another minute of another day worried and confused over why he disappeared. You want to finally understand where men are coming from and you want to know how to access that secret trigger that will keep a man so attracted to you that he’ll keep asking you out again and again…all the way to “I do.”
What would it be worth to you to have complete confidence and peace of mind when you first meet a man and know that if he doesn’t stick around, it has NOTHING to do with what you said or did?
What would it be worth to finally have the kind of close, connected and loving relationship that just keeps getting better, so you never again have to wait for the day he changes his mind?
After coaching thousands of women about dating, I know how valuable the information I share in this book is for any single woman. It can literally save you YEARS of heartache and frustration. If there’s one thing that keeps a good woman “stuck” in a bad situation, unable to move toward a healthy and fulfilling love life, it’s constantly wondering WHY that one guy disappeared, and re-living that bad experience over and over in your mind.
Unable to move on, you stay single for years, avoiding intimacy or going in and out of one dead-end relationship after another.
Don’t let this be your destiny.
Do yourself a favor today and get this part of your life resolved once and for all.
Because I want you to get the maximum value today, I’ve created a complete package for you, with even MORE information than I cover in Why He Disappeared. Here’s what you’re going to get in addition to the eBook during this incredible offer:
Why He Disappeared – Audio
Same great content that’s found in “Why He Disappeared,” recorded professionally for over 2 1/2 hours of audio that you can download to your iPod, burn to CD, or whatever’s most convenient for you.
Imagine hearing me – and my wife – provide a more nuanced and personal experience than simply reading the book yourself, on your commute to work, while out for a walk, or anywhere!
It’s also conveniently broken down into sections, so you can take a break at any point and come back to a powerful new insight.
Why He Disappeared Online – eBook
This instantly downloadable book has great content that I decided to keep separate from “Why He Disappeared,” as it deals exclusively with dating online.
This book is also divided into 3 main sections, so you can understand the 3 biggest reasons that men disappear while communicating with you.
Once you understand these, you’ll be able to be more flirtatious, less judgmental and more understanding of the process – but, most importantly, you’ll be able to make the right guys chase you down and write off the guys who don’t.
Why He Disappeared Online – Audio
Same great content that’s found in “Why He Disappeared Online,” professionally recorded for 36 minutes of audio that you can download to your iPod, burn to CD, or whatever’s most convenient for you.
I’ll provide a more nuanced and personal experience than simply reading the book yourself, and you can take it with you wherever you go!
It’s also conveniently broken down into 4 chapters, so you can take a break at any point and come back to increase your understanding of the male online dating experience.
What You Should Look For in a Man
Evan Marc Katz Audio Class
Here’s a taste of some of the powerful ideas you’ll take away from this 60 minute interview:
- The trouble with men who are in the 95th percentile of intelligence.
- Why understanding your own negative qualities is the key to accepting a man’s negative qualities.
- Why trying to find someone who is just like you is a flawed strategy.
- The Chemistry Trap – and how you can chase chemistry and ignore how poorly you’re being treated.
- How your checklist of what you’re looking for is the biggest reason you can’t find a suitable man.
- Why getting in touch with your own humility can be the secret that helps you find love.
- The most important quality you should look for in a man – and how, without it, there is NO relationship.
- Why you should overlook some flaws in men, and which ones you CAN’T overlook.
- The difference between loving someone and being “in love”.
- Why no man is real until he’s your boyfriend and why it’s dangerous to judge a man for being excited about you.
- How to overcome “Why Bother?” syndrome and how to reframe rejection into something positive.
This hour-long interview has some provocative material that I’ve never even written down before, and will empower you to see men in a whole new light.
How To Empathize With Men
Evan Marc Katz Audio Class
In this information-packed hour long interview, I talk about ALL of the following topics. And don’t worry, you don’t need to be divorced to get the benefits of this audio download. This advice applies to EVERY woman.
- Learn: The Top Mistake You’re Making When Dating
- How soon you can start dating after divorce and what to consider in making future relationship decisions.
- The value of being pro-active and taking your love life into your own hands.
- What men REALLY think of women who ask them out.
- Why you shouldn’t ever call a guy during courtship.
- Why a man would pass up a woman if he’s not intimidated.
- What’s more important: honesty or tact?
- What he means when he says “I want to be friends”.
- How to assess whether you should sleep with a man and why men are judgmental when they have sex too early.
- The power of walking away from a non-committal man.
- The 2 things that cause men to end relationships every time.
- How to understand and empathize with men and forge a unique, trusting relationship with them.
- How to attract more men and higher quality men online.
- What to do in spite of the fact that men don’t want to understand women better.
- 2 important things that you don’t know about men that can save your relationship.
After you listen to this interview, you’ll be able to understand the male thought process and watch your confidence in relationships skyrocket.
Understanding Men and Commitment
Evan Marc Katz Audio Class with Rori Raye
In this intense and eye-opening 60 minute conversation with relationship guru Rori Raye of Have the Relationship You Want, I give a no-holds barred look at what men are REALLY thinking when they’re dating you. If you’ve ever felt insecure in your relationships, you must listen to my tips on:
- How to observe a man’s behavior and figure out what he wants out of life.
- How you can’t be treated in any way you don’t agree to be treated.
- Why attraction isn’t the best basis to build a long-term relationship.
- When to get out of a dead-end relationship.
- The downside to being a strong woman.
- The myth that the “right man” will love you as you are.
- How you confuse a man’s excitement about you for a promise of a future.
- How good men don’t always know what they want.
- Why you should believe the negatives and ignore the positives.
- How “doing nothing” is the secret to revealing a man’s intentions.
- How you can do whatever you want with the nice, nerdy guy.
- Why rejection doesn’t actually mean anything.
- How to let yourself off the hook for mistakes in your past.
- The secret frustrations that men experience in online dating.
- A few key tips to writing an amazing username.
- What men really want out of their first date with you.
- The exact moment that you should sleep with a man for the first time
How To Be the Woman of His Dreams
Evan Marc Katz Video Class with Carol Allen
This 75 minute video interview is a candid discussion with best-selling author Carol Allen, author of “Love is in the Stars.” In this one-of-a-kind glimpse into the male mind, you will discover…
- How the first few weeks of your relationship can be an illusion.
- Why raising the dating bar so high that no one can jump it is dangerous.
- Why men don’t want to date themselves.
- How you don’t “just know” when a man is right for you – and if you think you do, you’re probably wrong.
- The importance of being a “yes” person.
- How the next man you date has nothing to do with the last man you dated.
- The two most important qualities you should look for in a man.
- How your expectations of men corrupt your own relationships.
- Why you should always choose character over charisma.
- How my own wife’s unconditional love and trust makes me into a better husband – and will do the same for you!
This recent interview is the most revealing that I’ve ever been on camera and an excellent companion piece to Why He Disappeared.
Evan Marc Katz FOCUS Coaching Call
Every month, I take a specific dating and relationship topic, offer a fifteen minute lecture on it, and then do a 45-minute Q&A with hundreds of smart, strong, successful women like you.
I call this group FOCUS Coaching.
Overcoming Negativity was my first FOCUS Coaching call ever and it remains one of the most valuable and powerful sessions I’ve ever done. This special super bonus is a valuable perspective shift on the ways that being single, dating, online dating, and men can get you down.
In just over seventy minutes, I will share with you:
- The 4 Sources of Negativity, and how to reframe it into optimism.
- How to cleanse yourself from your experience from a bad man.
- How to let go of the disappointment from the revolving door that is online dating.
- How to enjoy a first date, even when it’s not going exactly the way you want it to go.
- How to deal with negative people in your life who don’t support your dreams.
- How to block out that relentlessly negative voice in your head.
Once you’re over the pain of the past, it will be that much easier to persevere, have fun, brush off failed dates, and keep on going for as long as it takes to find love.
If You Put It All Together, Here’s Everything You’re Going To Get
- Why He Disappeared eBook – $97
- Why He Disappeared Audio – $97
- Why He Disappeared Online – $27
- Why He Disappeared Online Audio – $27
- Audio Class on What You Should Look For in a Man – $24.97
- Audio Class on How to Empathize With Men – $24.97
- Audio Class with Rori Raye on Understanding Men and Commitment – $24.97
- Video Interview with Carol Allen on How to Be the Woman of His Dreams – $47.97
- FOCUS Coaching Call Overcoming Negativity – $47.97
Total Price: $
If you were to add up the value of everything you’re going to be getting, it would be over $418.
But because we’re still recovering from a recession, and because I want to give you the power to change your relationships immediately, I’m going to give you the deal of a lifetime:
But first, ask yourself what it costs you emotionally each time you’ve gotten your heart broken.
Consider the amount of time, energy, mental health and happiness that’s been lost on men.
How much would it be worth to you to remove that pain FOREVER; to create the opportunity for EVERLASTING LOVE with a good man.
Would it be worth more than the $25,000+ you’d pay for a car?
Would it be worth more than the $5000+ you’d pay for a renovation to your home?
Would it be worth the $2500+ you’d pay for a short vacation?
I think it would.
If removing the source of your relationship pain can immediately make you happier AND lay the groundwork for you to find love, I’d think you’d do so, at any cost.
Imagine if you and I spoke for over EIGHT hours and I promised to give you my best, most life-changing insights about men that would instantly free you of past pain and open you up to a new way of approaching dating.
Except instead of charging you for this paradigm-shifting material, I decided that I wanted you to save your money to splurge on yourself – hair color, spring shopping, spa days, lingerie, shoes and travel.
Pretty nice, huh? And here’s the best part:
Investing in your love, peace, and happiness will cost you less than a cut and color, less than a one-hour Swedish massage, less than a bra and panty set, less than a pair of 3” heels, less than a girls’ night out.
I’m so excited about getting this out to the world, I’m going to give you all of this at the jaw–dropping price of $47.
That’s right. To get the information you need to break free of the confusion of the past and create a bright new romantic future will cost less than fifty dollars.
In fact, I’m so confident you will absolutely love the new mindset you’ll have after reading “Why He Disappeared,” I’m going to let you…
Read “Why He Disappeared” Risk-Free!
If you’re not convinced that the information in my book is an accurate look inside the male mind and hasn’t brought you greater peace of mind and success in dating, let me know within 1 year of purchasing it and…
- I’ll quickly and courteously refund your entire purchase price.
- You can keep all of the bonuses (over $321 value) as my thanks for trying.
There’s no catch. I believe in this material and have seen the positive effects of understanding men. So if you don’t find the concepts behind “Why He Disappeared” to be truly beneficial, simply reply to the email confirmation you’ll receive when downloading my book, write Refund eBook in your message, and I will refund you for the full amount. No questions asked!
“Why He Disappeared” is no-risk. If you don’t see the value in it, I don’t want you to pay for it.
But I’m not too worried about that. I’m confident that this limited-time offer is going to be one of the best long-term investments you’ve ever made in yourself.
To Review, Here’s What You’re Getting…
- Why He Disappeared eBook – $97
- Why He Disappeared Audio – $97
- Why He Disappeared Online – $27
- Why He Disappeared Online Audio – $27
- Audio Class on What You Should Look For in a Man – $24.97
- Audio Class on How to Empathize With Men – $24.97
- Audio Class with Rori Raye on Understanding Men and Commitment – $24.97
- Video Interview with Carol Allen on How to Be the Woman of His Dreams – $47.97
- FOCUS Coaching Call Overcoming Negativity – $47.97
Total Price: $
Get It All Right Now For Only $47!
“Why He Disappeared” will be one of those books you’ll refer to over and over again for years to come. You’ll find the insights and information so valuable, you’ll be able to recall them at critical moments in your relationship to help guide your decision-making process.
You’ll know what men are expecting from a first date. You’ll remember what you should do when he doesn’t call when he says he will. You’ll understand why he gets distant sometimes and when you should just let him go.
In other words, you’ll wonder how you ever managed to date men without these eye-opening insights.
But I don’t want you to take my word for it…
When you click on the button below, you’ll be taken to a secure order page where you can download the book in a matter of minutes.
I encourage you to read the entire book. See how it fits into your specific situation. Think about how it might change things for you, and how you can apply everything you learned. I want to help you get that peace of mind and confidence that will improve your love life immediately. I want you to get the closure you’ve always wanted on “Why He Disappeared” and know what to do to prevent it from happening again.
Click the button below to download “Why He Disappeared” risk-free for 1 year:
When you click on the order button, you’ll go to my secure order page for your credit card, where your order information will be transmitted using the latest technology to ensure complete and total privacy and security. After submitting your information you can download the book immediately as an Adobe Acrobat PDF file.
The process takes just a few clicks and you can be reading my book on your computer in as little as 5 minutes from now.
Don’t wait too long to order. The love life you’ve always wanted is possible and you’re minutes away from making it happen!
Warmest wishes and much love,
P.S. Imagine never having to agonize over what you said or did because a guy disappeared after a few dates or stopped calling when things seemed to be going so great. You’ll get a whole new perspective on dating and men and you’ll finally be able to relax and be yourself around men!
P.P.S. Take a look at even more testimonials below to read how excited and relieved women felt after hearing the advice that’s in my “Why He Disappeared” book and how it’s changed their lives… Those same success stories could be you!
It can finally happen for you when you read “Why He Disappeared – The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever”
"I Wanted To Thank You Evan For Giving Me That Perspective To Understand"
I'm a 25 year old British girl who has recently come back to the UK after living abroad for four years. In that time I had a lot of boyfriends but none really stuck longer than a few months - and I thought it was because I always knew I was going to leave (I moved every year or so) and didn't really commit fully (even though I was desperate to). I thought that when I came back to England everything would fall into place and I'd settle down.
I have a lot of friends and am generally a very happy, easy going person. I also have three brothers so am very at ease with men and didn't struggle getting dates but just couldn't get over that two month hump. I've only had one long term relationship that broke up when I was 20. I had to conclude that I was good on paper but not in reality, as a girlfriend, and I needed to know why.
The biggest lesson I learned from WHD was to relinquish control. It's been liberating. It's still very early days with W but it's been nothing but a positive experience and I'm having a lot of fun. I'm used to being proactive in everything I do, so waiting for him to get in touch with me, for him to ask for another date and organise it, and for him to pay is a real shift but I'm loving it. I don't feel needy, I don't feel like I'm hanging around waiting for him to reply, and I'm not in any rush to cement and confirm what's going on. It's ok to just go with the flow. I always wanted a man who I felt would look after me, but never let anyone even try before. Now I am and he's rising to the challenge. I also have some perspective on it all because I don't feel consumed by this relationship. Yes I enjoy his company but no I won't be a shell of my former self if it doesn't work out.
I wanted to thank you Evan for giving me that perspective to understand - I feel more myself in this relationship than I ever have before, even though the nuance has shifted.
Thanks again, and give my love to your clever wife for me 🙂
"ou Have Completely Changed My Life..."
So last week, I was SOOOOOOOOO in the dumps about how things were going, but this week I had such a major breakthrough! Man, you have just changed my life.
There’s this Brazilian Jiu Jitsu instructor. He is texting me 20 times a day....saying all sorts of sexy things about how he wants me all to himself... completely lavishing me with an addictive amount of attention that I´m such a sucker for. I felt so obsessed with this guy I´ve never met... simply because he had lavished me with tons of attention, he was hot... has his act together and I was in the throes of obsession land; mainly because he was pulling back a bit, and I was feeling "not good enough".
After reading your stuff, instead of obsessing about how I´m not going to be good enough, I started thinking... "Y´know... I´m not sure I´m ready to accept a potential relationship where I might be walking on eggshells". And I woke up feeling so FREEEEEE and in CONTROL. OMFG! I´ve never EVER turned around obsessive thoughts about a man into a feeling of control.
That is all YOU, YOU, YOU! Wow! I can´t believe it. I would´ve been so caught up in his gesture of a "pretend commitment" before, that I would have been setting myself up for a huge fall! Because Mr. Jump-in-the-deep-end-head-first without knowing a person... jumps out of the pool just as quickly because it's based on NOTHING. He doesn´t know me and I don´t know him. As you said... he is seeing my POTENTIAL right now... not "Melissa".
Evan...you´ve really changed my life. I just can´t think of a bigger gift than having control over my emotions when it comes to dating. NOTHING. No amount of money... no amount of success would have been able to give me this. This is almost BETTER than finding Mr. Right... just knowing I now have control over something that I felt so powerless over for so many years.
THANK YOU EVAN! You have completely changed my life... probably more than any one person ever has!
"You Got Through Like No One Else Has Ever Been Able To..."
I am so extremely grateful to you. I walked into two of my clients’ houses yesterday and they said, "What´s his name?" because they said I was glowing and luminous. They´ve only seen me look like that before when I was infatuated with a new man. But I now feel this way because a huge weight has been lifted and I have a new path and outlook for my future. Do you have any idea how huge that is? I hope I just gave you the compliment of the year because that is big stuff; to make that kind of a difference.
I´ve already made changes and "cleaned house". There are a couple guys that still text me that before talking to you, I would occasionally go out with, simply because they´re cute and funny, but they have big problems I overlooked before. I´m no longer going to date them.
I just can´t even tell you. I´m a new person. You got through like no one else has ever been able to.
"If A Guy Isn´t Acting The Way You Want, He´s Not The Right Guy For You. "
You give great advice that takes 'He´s Just Not That Into You' a step further. I especially liked your points about the pros and cons of smart, attractive women and the need to persevere. Conventional wisdom is often wrong, such as "it´s a numbers game." If that were true, online dating would be easy.
After 8 years of dating in my 30´s following a divorce, I feel like an expert myself. I think singledom is an epidemic in our country. With about 100 million singles, something in our society isn´t working and we need all the help we can get. One piece of advice you give to women who ask why men behave the way they do is that it doesn´t really matter. If a guy isn´t acting the way you want, he´s not the right guy for you. Great advice!
"You Clarify and Simplify What Women Find Hard to Verbalize"
Everything you write rings with the truth and I "like" them all, meaning: you clarify and simplify what women find hard to verbalize. Your work is a practical, useful guide to successful dating and relationship management. It's like a light bulb lighting up over one's head.
"Succeeded In Finding A Truly Wonderful Man"
I read your book Why He Disappeared and thought it was excellent. I have followed to the best of my ability your advice and have succeeded in finding a truly wonderful man who actually, as he puts it, fell for me from the moment I walked into the restaurant. I could have found a million things wrong with him and why he wasn't the one for me but this time I took pause and reflected on what you said. What a wise move that was. I have finally selected a kind, compassionate and caring man, one who knows how to love another, not just himself. I will keep rereading your book to make sure I never slip into my old ways.
My best to you,
"For the First Time In My Life, I Have Not Morphed Into the Woman That A Man Wants Me To Be... He Loves Me For Who I Am."
I just wanted to let you know how much you have helped me this year. I was getting into the dating pool again after a marriage that lasted less than 2 years, a LTR that lasted 18 years, but we stopped having sex after 8, and slept in separate bedrooms for the last 2, and a 7 yr. relationship that I thought would end in marriage, till I found out he was cheating.
I have to say, I fumbled a lot, and acted a little crazy when I first started dating again. All the things you talk about in your book, your blog, your teleconference, I did. I was the role model for girls guys hate to date!
I purchased your book, and then met a wonderful man. Against ALL my instincts, I did everything by the 'Evan book,' and it was very HARD! We are together after 10 months, and happily talking about a future together. For the first time in my life, I have not morphed into the woman that a man wants me to be ... he loves me for who I am.
A funny side note ... this time last year (pre-book purchase) I fell 'head over heels' for a guy ... he dumped me just after New Years. A few weeks later he had a change of heart. I was ecstatic, and readily welcomed him back into my life. Two weeks later ... gone. Yes, I repeated this one more time ... that's when I bought your book. So long story short ... we've played a round of golf together in the intervening months, but no other contact. Then I get a text from him telling me how he dreams about me, how he wishes he could do it all over, yada yada yada ... blah blah blah! BEST thing is, because of your advice, I can now see that for what it is, and ignore it, laugh about it, and go on. It wouldn't even matter that I am in a happy relationship now ... even without that, this 'not a future partner' would not get a chance.
So, great advice! You have truly changed my life, and in this season of giving, I just wanted you to know that!
Best wishes to you and your awesome wife (and soon to be awesome baby)!
"Something In Your Book Spoke To Me Like No Other Dating Coach Did"
I really feel like I gained a new respect for myself and realized that my past relationship was not working for me and hadn't for a long time. Something in your book spoke to me like no other dating coach did. Most dating coaches deal with what YOU can do to make the relationship better. Even my therapist did the same thing. From the time we are children we are told you will be successful at anything if you just try. That is not always the case in dating. While your book does provide skills for successful relationships, if the guy is a jerk, he's just a jerk. Your book gave me permission to evaluate the relationship for what it was and realize this is not the man for me and finally cut the tie as opposed to trying new ways to hang on to what wasn't worth hanging on to.
Today I feel confident in myself and my ability to have a good solid relationship. I have acknowledged my own mistakes. I am also confident in knowing when it's time to get out as opposed to staying and beating my head against a wall for a year. Your book has alerted me that regardless of how much love, understanding and acceptance I apply, it just is not going go fix someone that is a mess!
I have been seeing a nice gentleman. He lives an hour away. It's a good distance that allows me to learn to be me and do my own thing and gives him the same. I realize should the relationship grow closer, it may require more time together and less time with my girlfriends and I understand that. However, this relationship is moving at a very slow relaxed pace. It is exactly what I need right now. I will never be with a man that de-values me ever again. I know who I am and what I can bring to a relationship. Thanks to coaches like yourself, I feel like I can approach dating on a more cerebral level instead of just emotional. I've told myself that the next serious relationship I find myself in, my head and heart will be in sync!
Thanks Evan. You Rock!
"I HIGHLY Recommend This Book To All Women Who Want To Control Their Love Lives"
It's been about over a month since I've bought your book and I simply cannot thank you enough for how DRAMATICALLY you have changed my love life around!!!!!!
I'll admit it, I used to be absolutely clueless about the opposite sex and dating. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't get the men who liked me to stay in a relationship with me. I'd make up excuses like "Oh, he's just a dick who doesn't know better' and so on, but after reading your book, I realised my mistakes. Your book however showed me ALL the answers I had ever wanted to know!
I now have an AMAZING boyfriend who loves me. He calls me the perfect girlfriend and he rates me 15 out of 10. He told me that if he were to tell me all the things he loved about me, it would fill up my whole inbox =) He texts me first EVERYDAY and always wants to meet up with me. We never get bored of physical affection, EVER! We have make out sessions that last for hours, and the only reason they aren't longer is because of unavoidable commitments. He talks about us in the future, and wants our relationship to be a serious long-term one. He tells me that he loves me everyday, and he calls me beautiful.
I'm going to go a bit off track here, but you will see why. My boyfriend is the guy I had wanted since 2 years ago. He is my dream boyfriend, and the most decent guy I have EVER met. He is kind, funny, intelligent, logical, good looking and mild-tempered - pretty much everything you could ask for. Because of his excellent traits, he was chased by many women. Now here's the main point: Before buying this book, I thought to myself that there was no chance that I would ever be with him.. but what do you know now, that guy is now in love with me!! I'm so happy and I feel so blessed. He occasionally asks me 'what did you do to make me love you so much?', and I just reply with "I dunno" and laugh...
Seriously, I HIGHLY recommend this book to all women who want to control their love lives. I have been raving about it to all my girlfriends who are frustrated with the opposite sex. This book is an absolute joy to read and it's so good I bet you that you will finish it in only one day!! That's what I did! Also, I recommend you to take notes, and regularly revise over the notes, as the concepts Evan teaches may be difficult for your mind to absorb, as they were for me.
Once again Evan, thank you oh so so so much!! Thank you for helping me attract and keep the MAN OF MY DREAMS. I have NEVER been happier my whole entire life!!
"Your Book Really Helped Me To See Things From A Guy's Perspective..."
Over the last couple of years, I bought a few books which really helped me get my attitude straight and helped me to chill out about the whole dating process. However, they are all from a female perspective. I had got into a zone of "all or nothing"...and was sticking too hard and fast to the rules without any idea how I was potentially coming across. I wanted to get a male perspective and your regular email updates really connected with me - I wanted to find out more.
I learned that I need to give as well as take. I was expecting the guy to make ALL the moves without giving anything back and was wondering why he was holding back. Your book really helped me to see things from a guy's perspective and allowed me to let my guard down.
The funny thing is, I was at the point where I was going to end the relationship I was having. I've been seeing him for 7 months. One of the nicest and most respectful guys I've ever met (sexiest too!). But I felt that he was pulling away. I expected him to make all the moves and initiate all the contact without anything from me in return. I had the "I'm always busy, I have a great life, why do I need you..." vibe going on. So how could he feel needed?! Your book gave me the confidence to let my guard down a little bit. By giving him some encouragement it's totally changed things!!
I felt like I'd been a bit of an ice queen. And to think that I was at the point of letting him go!! Now I feel like I can let my guard down and let him in a little...something I've never done before. I'm 37. Never been in love. Never been married. Never been asked. But life is about choices and love is a choice too.
Thank you for your refreshingly honest advice.
"Embracing My Feminine Energy Has Been Key"
I've always had a lot of male friends and never had problems communicating with them. In fact, I think most of them appreciated my directness, honesty, and no-nonsense approach. But when it came to dating, I could never seem to keep someone (who I wanted) around for more than a year or two. I didn't understand this because I have always felt like I am exactly the woman you described - smart, attractive, independent, successful... what I thought would be the kind of woman any guy would want to have. I realized all these failed relationships had one common denominator: me. So I set out to learn what I was doing wrong. I wanted to know what I was doing to push them away when that was exactly the opposite of the reaction I wanted.
Your explanation of Masculine vs. Feminine energy made the biggest impact. Don't try to control ANYTHING (or be pro-active)! My job is to be receptive! Also, explaining that men are attracted to women because of the way they make men FEEL (and not for the same reasons women are attracted to men) was very eye-opening!!
A couple of months ago I approached a guy at an event and after some conversation he asked what made me approach him and the only response I could think of was the truth, that there was just something different about him, and I wanted to find out what it was. I fought my urge to be proactive and contact him and instead went about my life as normal. Two weeks later, he called to ask me out. It was at this time that I found "Why He Disappeared" and read the whole thing in one afternoon, before my first official date with this guy.... (and when I decided to give him a "mulligan" for taking two weeks to call). Following the advice in this book has made such a huge impact! The result: we're still dating and he is the most respectful, generous, honest, attentive and appreciative man I've ever dated. He seems to be strongly and unabashedly attached to me (thank you, Active Listening!), and last night he asked me to be his girlfriend! I feel like I have always been exceptionally nurturing, but it's contradictory to the masculine energy... embracing my feminine energy has been key!
I feel extremely empowered and it's nice to finally have all of my wonderful qualities noticed and appreciated!
"At The End Of The Night, He Thanked Me For Allowing Him To Relax And Have Such A Great Time"
My ex-boyfriend from 11 years ago found me after 5 years of searching for me. We had 2 great dates and then I didn't hear from him. To me it looked like we were on the road to getting back together. Why bother to spend so much time and effort to find me if he didn't want to get back together with me? I was looking for answers and I needed to understand how the minds of men work so that I can make better choices for myself.
Quickly, I realized I have a lot of masculine energy (way more than I even thought) despite being a pageant girl and model (and yes, a wall street career woman). I learned I really needed to tone that down when it comes to dating men.
Sure enough, my ex did call me after 12 days of silence and we went on another date this week. I applied all I learned from Why He Disappeared, but especially the part about making him feel good and just to make him have fun, especially since I know how stressed he's been lately. At the end of the night, he thanked me for allowing him to relax and have such a great time. He also mentioned how our relationship was always so easy and effortless. I almost fell out of my shoes! He even texted me early the next morning. Looks like we are on the right road. Thank you, Evan. It feels awesome to understand what I could do different to get different results.
I am a 33 year old, mother of two from Lisbon, Portugal, with not much time for the actual dating scene, so I have been trying on-line dating since 2007. Obviously, it has not been working out too well for me. Sure, I have met a few men, been on quite a few dates, but not one "solid" relationship. I seemed to manage to chase all the men away. That's when I came across Evan's blog, which was truly enlightening. Apparently, there are many more women like me out there: thirty-something successful career oriented women, divorced, with children, who have trouble "hanging on" to men, or letting the relationships develop at the pace they should. I did not find myself asking men questions, or pushing them away, I just withdrew when things were not moving at the pace I thought they should be moving (maybe I was the one doing the disappearing act, I don't even know!) So, basically, I needed to find out what it was I was doing wrong. I basically learnt what to expect (or what not to expect) from men... And more importantly, how to act when I am around them. Let my guard down, be flirty, less aggressive and assertive. Relinquish control, and let them lead... Boy is that tough!
Sure enough, it has only been a little over a week since I started putting all I learned into practice, and my in-box on the dating site keeps getting inundated with replies to my messages, and invitations. There is this one particular man, from London, who sparked a special interest, and I think I have captured his. We started exchanging e-mails, and as you taught me Evan, I started mirroring his moves. He e-mails, I e-mail back. He texts, I reply. So far, so good. He is currently on a business trip in Mexico, hasn't logged on to the dating site for a week, but still sends me an e-mail every single day. 🙂 I don't want to get too hyped up about him, but we have plans to meet in a month, so I'll let you know how it went!
All I know is that it feels great to have all this attention, things going so smoothly, and with no special effort on my part whatsoever. It is extremely hard to "let go", but it is well worth the effort!
Thank you Evan, for putting my dating life back on track!
"Out Of A Dozen Books That I Purchased, Yours Was The Most Crucial, Sensible, Definitive, Vital One"
Success story!!! All because if you! Two and a half weeks after my letter to the guy I've been seeing for 6 months, who treated me within the friends with benefits scenario, he chose the better of your options... he followed me. I was sure that it was going to be the end of everything. I was wrong. He did it in an indirect way, like returning something that I left at his house. I mirrored him, like you said. We went out to dinner tonight, and it was wonderful, after dinner we took a walk during which said he missed me, he kissed me and he asked me to go home with him. I said no. Then it started, we started talking about our situation that we avoided throughout the whole dinner. I told him basically the same things I wrote in the letter. It was easy. I wanted to meet his family. I wanted him to call me. I wanted to be in a real relationship with the man I was intimate with. He added, "Exclusive?" I said yes. Then he said, "Let's start over again." I am beyond belief how this whole thing turned out, Evan you are magic, and you made my brain listen to my heart and it all fit together. I wish I had a follow up book because this is going to be a tough act to follow. My move was so perfect. Thank you. Thanks a million. I am grateful and I want you to know that out of a dozen books that I purchased, yours was the most crucial, sensible, definitive, vital one.
"Following Your Advice Has Lead Me To A Relationship With A Man That Is Passionate, Funny, Caring, Supportive, and Loving"
After a passionate, exciting one-month relationship that ended in disappointment, I found your website and poured through your blogs. Each one was like this mixture of a slap in the face and a light bulb turning on in my head. An honest guy's point of view... no bullshit and a real realization of what guys like and what they don't put right in front of me. Now, I loved your site, but after my experiences with men, I didn't totally buy into it at first. There had to be some catch here.
Still, I downloaded Why He Disappeared, and started reading. I decided on a little experiment: instead of pushing the next guy out, I was going to follow your advice and let him in.
Two months later, being with Doug gives me this "this is how it should be" feeling. And looking back at the last guy, whom I dated for just a little shorter time, I can't help but see the drastic difference. I've learned to be secure and an un-needy confident girlfriend. I have found that anytime he says something that I find irrationally hurtful, I just smile, take a deep breath and remember what a loving, caring, wonderful man he has been to me and that he'd never intentionally hurt me. Whenever I feel insecure, needy, and like I want to talk to him about how he feels about me, I just look at him and remind myself that his actions and the way he's treated me is proof enough that he loves and cares about me.
Thank you for guiding me through this. I continually re-read Why He Disappeared to remind myself of how to be the best possible girlfriend to this amazing man. We haven't been together long, but just this short time of following your advice has lead me to a relationship with a man that is passionate, funny, caring, supportive, and loving. It's all I could hope for.
Thank you Evan.
"I Thought I Was Doomed To A Life Of Having Men Walk Away Without A Word For The Rest Of My Life"
Unmarried and 44. I thought I was doomed to a life of having men walk away without a word for the rest of my life. I am attractive, intelligent and active. I enjoy the world and this one department of my life (namely men) was a frustrating mystery.
I had long-term relationships where the men wouldn't commit. For the past two years I have been in love with a man who was aloof and distant. Perhaps, I thought to myself, I should be more laid back, less laid back, more witty, less witty, more forward, more direct, AND THEN he will love me.
Ah, then came Evan's tutorial....
I am free. I am happy and realized ways in which I was communicating ineffectively. I since said adios to the man that was aloof and have moved on to other exciting prospects who are calling frequently and following through on their words. Evan showed me ways in which I can actually lay back and enjoy the dating process and actually have men take control of the dating tempo (and boy do they ever!). Evan showed me that I really didn't want to be with the guy that was making me feel unsure of myself. That was the moment of freedom.
Thanks Evan, for showing me it's never too late to learn.
"I Feel That I No Longer Have To Be Someone That I Am Not"
I am 55 and ended an up and down relationship with a man who failed your boyfriend tests without question. I felt like a failure and did not know if I really wanted to start dating again. I needed to know how not to get into another situation with an unavailable man.
From Why He Disappeared, I learned that the things I thought were the most attractive about me were not the same as what a man would see. I needed to be reminded that I had a life and it was OK to live it. The biggest favor I could do for myself is to relax and
enjoy being myself. I wish you had been around 25 years ago!
I am letting go of the guilt and anger from the ending of the relationship with this man. I have taken my share of the responsibility and now am willing to try again. I liked the phrase "emotional booty call". My relationship now seems like an endless emotional booty call with sex being another reason to keep the relationship going. I do not long to get back with him and know that I have learned a hard, but valuable lesson.
I feel that I have information to go back and read to guide me and support me when I have doubts and am tempted to accept unacceptable treatment and behavior. I feel that I no longer have to be someone that I am not. I have no desire to feel frustrated and angry again because I did not pay attention to the "red flags" before I got in over my head. It doesn't seem to matter how old you are, it still hurts when you know that you have wasted your time and energy on a relationship going nowhere.
"It Gave Me Hope..."
I am a 34 year old woman living and working in Houston, Texas. I ended an engagement five years ago and have not been in a serious relationship since. In five years I have been on countless first dates and can relate with so many of the women I read about on Evan's blog. The men that I want to see again never call, but those dates where I may need medication to get through ALWAYS call! Additionally, like most of the women on Evan's blog I am educated, successful and not hard to look at. Needless to say I was feeling frustrated when I purchased Why He Disappeared. I wanted to understand why men were not asking me out and if they did, why did they disappear after date number one? After some self-reflection I realized a couple of things. If I want a man to approach me I have to appear more open at events and on dates. I am naturally shy and that can come off as cold or aloof in an initial meeting or on a first date. I was also scared to flirt on dates, I thought that men would think I was coming on too strong.
Evan's advice made me realize that men enjoy flirting, they are flattered, they want to know you are interested in them and that sometimes contributes to getting a second date. I haven't had an opportunity to test out my newfound insights but realizing that it isn't all about me was such a relief. As women we are used to being sharp, sophisticated, well-dressed, well-spoken, and confident. We walk fine lines between being hated or respected, being beautiful or dumb. The career that was supposed to make us independent and fulfilled seems to be one of the major challenges to finding a successful relationship. It was nice to read that it isn't all about me, that I don't have to be perfect to get a date, I just have to be me. It gave me hope.
"I Was Devastated And Torn To Pieces, Blaming Myself For Being So Needy And Insecure"
Why He Disappeared has changed everything for me, I finally have come to understand what to do with the man I've been longing for and waiting for ever since he broke up with me two years ago. Every thing I've experienced with him is like a copy of all the stories other women have had with emotionally unavailable men that don't want to commit! Just like all the other women talked about in your book, this was a very "special man and we had such chemistry" but I was always feeling insecure and never able to really connect. He became being more and more withdrawn, avoided intimacy, both verbally and physically, and it always ended with him going away and me crying... until he broke up after living together. That is now two years ago. I was devastated and torn to pieces, blaming myself for being so needy and insecure.
But after being absolutely sure that we were meant for each other, after waiting for him to return, after making every excuse possible for his behaviour, after allowing him to visit me for a romantic "roll in the hay" once or twice a month... All this time also feeling like it was my fault that our relationship did not work out. Now I realize, from your book, that this man is not worth it. I should have let him go long before we actually broke up. I am so immensely grateful and happy that I bought your book!! It means the world to me to finally understand more about men and this one specifically! Now I am finally able to move on with my life and can stop worrying about me being such a failure in relationships. Now I know more about both men and myself and I know more about what I want and need to become happy. Thank you, Evan, for telling me, I highly recommend every woman to buy this book!
"I Read WHD The First Time And It Was Like The Saw Was Cutting Through My Ribcage"
I was on the borderline of discouragement and throwing in the towel in terms of dating. I experienced long-term relationships but they were always out of sync. When I wanted to commit, the guy didn't. When I didn't want to commit, the guy did. Then there were the dates that I thought went well but there wasn't a second and vice versa. I needed to understand WHY.
Of course, as women, we talk to our women friends. That got me nowhere so finding your Evan Marc Katz website and getting WHD answered the question from someone that really knew the answer; another man.
I learned, much to my relief, that it's not always my fault. That I shouldn't take it personally. And that I'm the only one I can change; the rest will happen organically.
My faith teaches, "the Truth shall make you free". Well, today, I am free!!
The "truth" hurt. I didn't realize I had made an appointment for open-heart surgery. The thing with open-heart surgery is, when it's required/necessary in order to live a productive/quality life, it's for our good. I read WHD the first time and it was like the saw was cutting through my ribcage. I read WHD the second time and it was the cleaning out of my major arteries. I read it the third time and it was as if I was being stitched up. Now I'm healing. I'm in therapy; I ordered Finding the One Online. I'm on the road to complete recovery. I feel better than I have since I was a teenager and started this dating journey.
"You Have Touched On Some Things That the Other 'Relationship Coaches' Haven't..."
I have read over 7 different relationship books. I have learned a lot from them, but I have to tell you that I ordered your book yesterday and have read to page 57 so far. I went to a party yesterday, and tried one of the approaches you suggested in your book. I LITERALLY had every single man competing for my attention! One man in particular (way cute), when I left to say good bye, couldn't let go of me, and when it took me a few minutes to make my way to the door, ran in for another long hug, which again, he couldn't let go. Then after I left, and got no more than 15 paces, he actually came running out to catch me and walk me to my car. Again another hug and a lingering kiss on my cheek. He told me he had the best time he'd had in months talking to me, and that he couldn''t stop smiling and that his cheeks hurt. He said he was so happy he met me!
I had never considered myself hard to talk to, but since I had my daughter and am a single mom, my self-esteem and my self-proclaimed datability, became hard. After ending a long term FWB situation, where the man said he just didn't see me as 'relationship' material. My self-esteem plummeted even more. I confess in has been hard for me to just smile, just because I can.
Also, I caught myself twice doing the old “listen, but then tell my story of the same thing”, and I noticed it changed his energy towards me. Now I realize NOT to share my stories right after I am told one - JUST like you said! It takes away from their sharing with me, and makes it seems as if I am competing. Luckily I saved the conversation both times, by immediately backtracking and asking him a question about where he left off and abandoning my story. There will be other times to share my story - down the road if we become friends or something more.
Anyhow, I wanted to let you know that you have touched on some things that the other 'relationship coaches' haven't, and I really appreciate it. I felt so relaxed last night, and even my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. I felt like I didn't have to do a thing to attract these men. Two of them actually felt comfortable talking amongst themselves about how they see women - right in front of me! I felt like a sister of many brothers, and it was really cool.
Thanks a bunch,
“I will never have to settle for a less than fabulous relationship ever again.”
In July of 2012 I had just ended a dead end relationship. Well, he was the one that ended it by cheating on me. In an effort to keep busy, and not really expecting to find a long term relationship, I decided to sign up for Plenty of Fish. At the time, I felt very undesirable, I mean, my boyfriend with whom I was so kind, patient and caring, had just rejected me in the harshest of ways.
I needed to understand why I had stayed in that relationship for two years, knowing the whole time that it wasn’t right for me and would not make it in the long run. I realized that I stayed because I wasn’t sure anybody else would want me and I was determined to change that mindset. I knew I needed to not take the dating thing too seriously, to have fun and explore my options.
After several dates with a few different guys I met Ron. It was a week after our first date that I bought “Why He Disappeared” and I cannot tell you how glad I am that I did! I truly feel that listening to the book on an almost daily basis on my way to work is a big part of why this relationship is going as well as it is. I took several lessons away from the book, one of the most compelling being “don’t do anything”. I was most definitely a “do something” kind of gal. I wanted to know where was the relationship going? How did he feel about me? What was the next step? And on and on. This time, after listening to the book, I let Ron’s actions speak to me. I trust in them and know that he does wonderful things for me because he truly cares for me and wants to please me. I also use the advice given by Evan’s wife regarding mulligans. Oh, do I give lots of mulligans! However, on two occasions there have been issues that were bothering me for some time and I spoke to him about them. He immediately took to heart what I was saying and has strived to change the behaviors that were bothering me. I know this is because I rarely “unleash the crazy” on him and I think he respects my feelings and opinions more because of that.
Ron and I have now been dating for 5 months and it is the most enjoyable relationship I’ve ever had. He is kind, generous, thoughtful and loves surprising me. We share many of the same values regarding family, work and play and although he is not my normal “type” physically I was, with the help of “Why He Disappeared”, able to look past that and focus on what was really important, our compatibility. Although we have been exclusive since our first date he only recently started referring to us as boyfriend and girlfriend and it makes my heart sing. I really feel that we are moving towards the next level in our relationship and I continue to listen to “Why He Disappeared” on a weekly basis to keep myself grounded and remind myself to mirror his actions and let him take the lead.
I feel that the relationship with Ron could go all the way, but I have a new found sense of peace because I know that if it doesn’t, I have the skills and mindset to find another great guy. I also know that I have many desirable qualities and that I will never have to settle for a less than fabulous relationship ever again. Thanks, Evan, for writing the book, doing the blogs and giving the advice that has helped me gain the confidence to attract this wonderful man.
“You opened my eyes to the fact that my boyfriend left because he didn’t love me unconditionally.”
My boyfriend broke up with me last month out of the blue. I was crushed and felt like the rug had been pulled from under me. Even though we had been only dating for 4 months, it felt like everything was progressing organically. We met each other’s friends and families. We shared the same values and seemed to be falling more and more in love each day. We seemed perfect for each other and everything felt so right. Out of all my relationships, he treated me the best and made me feel so special. Then one day he told me that we were not compatible, that he fell out of love with me, and that he no longer saw me in his future. I thought he was “The One” and felt it in my heart. When he dumped me, I was so heartbroken.
I wanted him to come back badly and to realize what I did wrong. I kept blaming myself. I wanted to know why he disappeared on me, our relationship and our future together. I wanted to make things right by figuring out how I needed to change. I automatically assumed I was the problem.
I’ve been reading self-help books on breakups in order to move on but none could explain why he left and so abruptly at that. Your ebook “Why He Disappeared” gave me closure and the answers I was looking for. You opened my eyes to the fact that my boyfriend left because he didn’t love me unconditionally, because he didn’t accept me for who I was. I didn’t do anything wrong. I was not to blame. If he was meant to be my partner for life, he would have stayed through the thick and thin, through the bad of it all. He would have worked on our problems together. But instead he bailed. Clearly, he was not the man for me.
I feel liberated and relieved to know these truths, like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I don’t blame myself for the breakup anymore. He left because of him, not because of me. I am in such a better place today because of your insights and inspirational guidance. I was so stuck on getting him back and learning what I did wrong, but now I realize that I don’t want him back!! I deserve someone better, someone who will love me unconditionally and be there to the end, no matter what.
Frankly, I feel optimistic and excited about dating again. I am looking forward to meeting my future partner and I know he will love me unconditionally, just as I will love him unconditionally. I have faith and I have found peace. I feel more confident about myself and the future.
Thank you so much for "Why He Disappeared", Evan. I feel alive again! No more tears!!
“Without your help, I never could have imagined that I could be in a relationship like this one.”
Before I learned about you, I was in a place where I had no trouble meeting men, but had come to realize that I was meeting the men who were not good for me. In the past, I always had pressure from my parents and friends to get married. After I had done that, I knew that I was not in the right place. 17 years later, and after a lot of difficulty, I was divorced and looking for a person with whom to share my interests and just have fun. I wanted to get past the pain and anger and move on.
I realized that I wanted to have another relationship, but I needed to choose a different type of person. How would I be able to do this?
You inspired me. You repeatedly said that I should not reject anyone just because he was different than the type of people I had dated before. You encouraged me to give everyone a chance and just see how it goes. So I decided to try that.
Being open allowed me to talk with so many people about different topics and date without trying to "find a relationship". It was strange at first; then it was wonderful! I began focusing on how I felt with that person; did I like what he brought out in me, etc.
It was during this period that I was introduced to a man by a male friend of mine. He started talking to me about selling his house when it had been on the market for quite a while. I finally looked up the stats and called him with my personal approach. His house sold within 2 weeks! He then called and took me out for dinner to thank me. We had a wonderful time and enjoyed our conversation tremendously.
That was the beginning. He then told me that he wanted to see me often and talk on the phone often. I agreed to go along with this, and our relationship continued to move forward easily. It has now been about 9 months and even though there have been a few hiccups along the way, he is always reaching out for a solution. He is the one telling me that he wants our relationship to last a lifetime! I am still amazed at how we talk and figure out what works for us! (He still tells everyone that we have been dating for 2 years but that it took him a year to get me to give him my phone number!!)
Your words, including the information in your e-book, have given me a new perspective. There is no doubt that men and women will never think alike. But we all like to laugh and laughter reduces stress. We try to use this when we talk about serious issues and take a little space before we discuss these issues again. This seems to have allowed us the insight into figuring out what happened and how each of us interpreted the situation differently, giving us the opportunity to plan ahead in the future.
Without your help, I never could have imagined that I could be in a relationship like this one. I'm in my 60's and expected that I would not have a committed relationship again. I'm still dealing with issues internally of fear and past experiences, as is he. But we can talk about these things and know that we have something special.
Thank you Evan. I continue to reach out for your insights and advice and share the newsletters with many of my friends who are looking for something different in their relationships too.
"I have read it 10 times already, and keep revisiting it every time I begin to even hint at a moment’s insecurity."
Hi there, the man in my life was forever disappearing, we fell in love 3 years ago, it was a flurry of activity and amongst the love poems he was writing for me, the attention and the fun we were having it all went terribly sour when his estranged wife found out about me, and he got thrown in to the depths of guilt and a sense of “doing right” for his children. I started to load pressure on, as I felt he “owed” me more than he was giving! After all we had been through so much together, had so much fun, even lived together for 7 months! I bought another on line dating guide, I wanted him and things back to the way they were. It didn’t work, and I played it by the book! This made me feel terribly insecure, and sent me spiralling in to coming across as needy, clingy with a sense of not being able to cope on my own.
I wanted to understand his perspective, I felt that I was a real catch, so why didn’t he want me, the way I wanted him? I felt I was easy going, fun to be with, open in the bedroom, helpful, a good listener, I would cook great meals, buy amazing presents, I literally couldn’t understand where I was going wrong!!
I learnt a massive lesson... I was a fixer, every time something went wrong, I would rise to the occasion and try to fix it! I would also chase, send that little email asking if he wanted to chat online, send silly little texts, and then get very upset when I didn’t get a reply, this in turn made me feel very insecure, and so I would “try” more! An endless cycle! I learnt to sit back and be chased, be open to his advances, and let him have the masculine energy...
Now I am in a situation where he chases me, when he reaches me, I am soft and warm and let my feminine charms go to work. I never ask for a date, or an online chat. I have the confidence now to show support but not try to fix the situation by offering LOTS of advice, and what to do’s! He wants a date; he asks and I say yes. He wants me to go over and spend the evening with him; I say yes. He wants to hold my hand and show me off; I say yes. Brilliant! Once you understand where men are coming from, which I would not have been able to do without the help of Why He Disappeared, it is very simple!
I have never felt so relaxed around him, he knows this and wants to spend more time with me. His choice! And I discovered that actually after a 20-year marriage where he was never able to make choices for himself, he actually quite likes to do this. I was talking to him last night, and he said to me (direct quote): “You have changed, you must have, because I can’t see how I could’ve missed seeing you in this light.” I told him, “No I haven’t changed, still the same me here.” He said, “Trust me, you have, I see you differently, you are beautiful inside and out, and I don’t regret one moment in time that I spend with you, not one!”
This was one of the best investments I have ever made, a very powerful programme. I have read it about ten times already, and plan to keep revisiting it, every time I begin to even hint at a moment’s insecurity. Thank you so much Evan.
"Thank you, Evan, for enlightening me, having faith in women, and being honest with what 'is'!!"
Evan, I've been searching for a loving partner since the end of my third marriage in 2006 and have experienced 5 years of repeating the exact same thing: attracting the wrong men (the same type I married three times), disappointed in my choices (emotionally unavailable men), and the continual wondering what am I doing wrong (why me?). Why wouldn't any man want a vibrant, successful, loving woman, such as myself. I'm in shape. I'm cute, like a girl-next-door. Yet, I kept putting myself in the wrong position, which wasn't doing me any favors.
I felt I needed a better understanding of how men think. After listening to "Why He Disappeared" I also realize, I didn't know what they think.
The one most important lesson I learned is STOP asking the "Why"!!! Like a woman, I needed to know why. I asked my friends. I discussed with myself, over and over and over again. I was so focused on the why, I couldn't get past it. I was obsessed with it. Come to find out, the "why" only proves someone wrong. Besides, as you so humorously pointed out, the answer really doesn't matter. I loved the examples given to answer the question why he disappeared. The few you made up made me laugh. Ultimately, the answer to my worrying about why men left me was so simple. If I focused so much energy on the previous man, I would never be open to the next man...never.
The result of learning about giving up the search for “why” is losing the worry, the wringing of the hands, the wondering if he will call, and all the stress and sadness that goes with the worry. Although you pointed out the obvious to someone who thought themselves connected, I realize this is just the first step in my transformation to becoming a woman that men will want to meet and stay with. Rather than focus all my energies on changing them, I will need to move that focus to me, stop controlling, and learn to enjoy the moment.
After listening to your audio, I felt so relieved. There wasn't anything wrong with me. I was doing what appeared to come naturally. My motto of 'just make it work' was making me wrong. When that happened, I felt helpless in my relationships.
I, now have, a renewed interest in finding the partner for me and am giving the 'giving up the control' a sincere effort. It is difficult after 55 years of life to look at relationships differently, but I am willing to put in the work, trust my instincts, and forget the 'why'!!!
Thank you, Evan, for enlightening me, having faith in women, and being honest with what 'is'!!
Your forever follower,
"I feel very fortunate that I gave him a chance and that he's in my life. The best part is that there is NO DRAMA!"
I was going through the mechanics of a divorce from a VERY abusive and controlling man. Found out that he had periodically gone through my computer for the 11 years we were married and checked up on every site that I had visited. Was coming out of a very bad place, had serious anxiety issues. My situation was compounded because I was originally from an African country that treated women like second class citizens and he and his family had done this for years. Worse still, I had allowed them to do so.
Well, I'd met my ex-husband when I was 17 and basically dated only him through college (even though he treated me badly a lot of the time), he was also the only guy that I had slept with. I was 35, divorced, had 3 little children, ready to reclaim my life and realized that since I'd been in a bad, loveless relationship for so long, I didn't know the first thing about being in a healthy, loving relationship with an American man :-). I wanted to find out what a healthy relationship looked like, what to expect while dating and just generally how to conduct myself.
The most important lesson I learned from “Why He Disappeared” was that I needed to put aside my preconceived notions of what my ideal guy was like and give real guys a chance (you would think I would've known this since my ex was the stereotypical tall, dark and handsome man that ended up being really self centered and a huge mama's boy). In addition, I learned that it was okay to approach dating with a strategy, that it wasn't manipulative to do so and that being yourself meant that you could be your best self. Wow, that kind of gave me permission to go out there and enjoy myself! Another important lesson I got from the book and your website was that it was okay to be a cool girl and to give men a break. I also really appreciated your very commonsensical view on dating, it was like a breath of fresh air; you're like the big brother I never had :-). Your views on bad relationships also helped me heal and move on from my former marriage.
Well, I decided to give a guy from my previous job a chance. He was a little nerdy, smaller in stature and shorter than what I was used to, but taller than me. He was very handsome, fit, successful and great at what he did, but not your typical alpha male. I had invited him for my birthday party right before I left my old job and he came. He was soo much fun, he played the games I'd set up, helped me bbq and set up my party (he was the first guest to arrive) and invited me out to dinner as a birthday present. He was a guy that ordinarily I would have politely given an excuse not to go to dinner with, but something about what you said about giving a different type of guy a chance resonated with me and I decided to go to dinner with him.
Well, one thing led to the other, we went on many more dates, I played it cool, asked him one time early in the relationship what he wanted out of dating and just relaxed and enjoyed the moment and every single date I was on. I particularly found useful after the first couple of dates your lessons on mirroring and reciprocating. I let him text and call me first, even though the texts were few and far between initially. I didn't get upset when he didn't call when he said he would, I answered the phone in a happy voice each time he did end up calling.
I never put any pressure on him. Told him that I'd like to get a chance to know him better and have fun because I enjoyed his company. Didn't discuss our relationship status or lack thereof and have had a blast. I really lived in the moment, which was very, very new to me, with my last relationship, I was always focused on the future, anxious and stressed out.
We've been dating for 10 months now and things are FABULOUS! He calls me everyday! Says he really enjoys my company, goes out of his way to do nice things for me. Is monogamous and expects the same from me! I'm with a guy that is 9 years older than me, but treats me like an equal. He's funny, wicked smart, kind, laid back and a TOTAL gentlemen. I feel very fortunate that I gave him a chance and that he's in my life. The best part is that there is NO DRAMA!
“Why He Disappeared” made me feel like I was in control of my love life and that it was not in control of me, that is a very good feeling. I'm VERY happy with myself and my relationship. I'm able to relax and not stress about the future, I'm enjoying the here and now and its SOO much FUN! My boyfriend has mentioned on a few occasions that he can't believe we haven't had one argument or disagreement. I'm so proud of myself.
"Now I feel empowered and I am glad to be free of him, to find the one who will love me without question."
I bought “Why He Disappeared” when I knew that I needed to understand what would make my ex treat me so callously, to clearly not want a future together, and yet say that he loved me all along and kept me connected to him even though he has a new girlfriend.
I learned, through reading “Why He Disappeared”, that because of the fact that he did not commit to me, I really didn't want him back. I realized that I needed to find the man who would love me unconditionally for who I am, not for who he wanted me to be. I realized that after all, he really didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about him.
While I was still in pain for a while after that realization (no one wants to be told that the person you love isn't that into you), it helped me to finally let go of him and learn a hard painful lesson. I think I had still been hoping that he would come to his senses and come back to me begging to take him back, that he had made a mistake and wanted to commit to me after all ... silly now, I know.
I think I had been putting his feelings ahead of mine for so long that I was still doing it even after we had broken up, and when I realized that he really didn't care all that much for how I felt, it was easier to break the ties. Now I feel empowered and I am glad to be free of him, to find the one who will love me without question.