How Do I Let Men Know I’m Not Out of Their League?

Hi Evan, I just turned 37. I am very attractive and smart and down-to-earth. I love helping people and have the biggest heart. I am a positive person and smile a lot and I can’t seem to find the right guy AT ALL. I have first dates then second dates, then the guy sees my classic Jaguar and my luxury apartment and he thinks that I am out of his league. I was told that a couple of times.

I met a handsome professor and he was a good person with a great heart but he continued to ask me over and over why I was going out with him when I could have any man that I want. I am not arrogant and sometimes try to play down my looks and the Jag. Men will say “Ooh, nice car” and I’ll say “Oh, it’s old.” Are men thinking that I am too expensive? Do they think I’m out of their league? I don’t have a league – I just want to meet a nice guy! Help… Niki


Let’s flip this over, shall we?

Good looking guy with a big heart and a fat wallet drives a Ferrari. (It’s his second car – the Jag is in the shop).

The only men you can intimidate are the WRONG men.

He goes out on a first date with you. You look at him and swoon, before asking the very serious question: “I don’t get it. Why are you single? You could have anyone.”

He says, earnestly, with a sad smile, “I just haven’t met the right girl.”

You reply, “I get that, but how can I possibly trust you? You’re 37. You’ve probably been with a hundred women. And from everything I’ve experienced, guys like you aren’t solid relationship bets. You’re a lifetime bachelor with looks and money. You’re an alpha male with testosterone and ego. My dating coach told me to run from guys like you and stick with nice guys who want commitment.”

He says, “I am a nice guy – who just happens to be successful. I am very much looking for a wife and family. You can’t judge a book by its cover.”

I don’t know about you, Niki, but I’m sold.

And any guy who chooses to engage you beyond your looks and car will be sold on you as well.

As I’ve said repeatedly, the only men you can intimidate are the WRONG men.

A guy who feels the need to run away because he can’t handle your beauty, success or kindheartedness is nothing but an unfortunate and pathetic little man.

Good riddance to men who are afraid of Ferraris or perfect bodies or PhDs.

They don’t even count in my world.

If you are as great as you say you are, you should have no shortage of quality suitors.

I guess the only question I could ask you is the same question I’d ask of any man who perpetually finds that women are “intimidated” by him: How come you’re letting people get intimidated by you? Why aren’t they seeing your friendly, open, warm, vulnerable side?

If you were a comedian, at a certain point, you can’t keep insisting that you’re funny but “nobody gets the joke”.

As a single person, at a certain point, you can’t keep insisting that “all men” are intimidated by you, no more than a woman who suggests that all men are liars, players, losers or perverts.

It’s easy for you to sit back and say, “I’m great, but no one can handle me.”

It’s harder – and more important – for you to look in the mirror and figure out why.


Join 7 Million Readers

And the thousands of women I've helped find true love. Sign up for weekly updates for help understanding men.

I hate spam as much as you do, therefore I will never sell, rent, or give away your email address.

Join our conversation (111 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 91

    “The only men you can intimidate are the WRONG men.”

    Absolutely WRONG!
    An intimidating (most often bossy and bitchy) woman will only attract idiots, drunks and assholes who don’t care. 

  2. 93

    Men don’t disappear because she was nice, caring, warm, loving and giving.
    The disappear because she was wingy, winy nagging and bitchy with an over inflated sense of entitlement. Result: pump’n’dump.No women can intimidate a confident man. Smart men don’t put up with it. They smile, say something nice and delete the number or not even ask.

  3. 94

    It is very sad nowadays that there are so many High Maintenance Women out there, and they are certainly very Pathetic since they really think that they are all that just by the way they act. most of you women have a very limited IQ to begin with, which explains why so many of us men can’t meet a decent woman anymore today since many of these type of women are so damn spoiled. It is just too bad that we don’t have a real time machine to send many of them back in time to see what it was really like when many men and women had to struggle to survive.

  4. 95

    Seriously: Still haven’t gotten a date huh? Same advice- try a new story

  5. 96
    Karl R

    Seriously said: (#95)
    “most of you women have a very limited IQ to begin with, which explains why so many of us men can’t meet a decent woman anymore today since many of these type of women are so damn spoiled.”
    It’s no surprise that you can’t meet a decent woman. You’re extremely insulting to them. I would say every woman should set her sights higher than that.
    I met lots of decent women. And if there are many men like you, that would explain why there were so many decent, unattached women available for me to meet.

  6. 97

    My !Q was in the top 2% of the population when last tested.
    However, IQ is not fixed, also it is EQ that determines healthy relationships. So that is what people need to work on if they want happy healthy relationships.

    We attract and our attracted to people who match our EQ in conflict situations.Until we do the work to higher our EQ when in conflict we just attract different people but the the same conflicts and habitual ways of reacting arising over and over again.

  7. 98

    To Karl R 95, I just can’t help it since i do meet so many Low Life Women today. and is it right for a woman to Curse me when i will start a conversation with them? Absolutely Not. It is very sad that so many women are like this, and why would i blame myself when i know other men that had this happened to them too? serious question here, would i Curse at a woman that came over to me to start a conversation with me? of course Not.

    1. 98.1

      Seriously- maybe you and “Man” should meet up.  Sounds like you have common morals. 

  8. 99

    Seriously- have multiple women cursed you out or is it just one that you keep on talking about ad nauseum? If it’s one write her off as a bad apple. If it’s multiple women rethink your approach. But stop taking comfort in the fact that you aren’t the only man in the world this has happened to- it’s far from the norm and it won’t help you get what you want.

  9. 100

    Maybe its time to look at your approach, if women are cursing at you, like more than one you might be taking the wrong approach. I live in a large city, men harass me daily on the street, sometimes they follow me in their cars and won’t take no for an answer. Sometimes I need to tell them to Eff off, or leave me the eff alone. Their approach is bad and unwelcome. 

  10. 101

    Seriously 99 – For crying out loud, normal women do not curse men.  Karl has said this to you before.
    I have never heard a man tell me that he cursed a woman during a conversation (I meet literally thousands of people in my work – no details – and the men have always been courteous and I would not dream of being rude or curse them!l
    Please…….find out what is going wrong.  You are either giving the wrong impression of yourself (ie one you don’t want to give) or you are choosing the wrong women or both!
    I’m a jewellery freak – can’t help it – when I see jewellery I love, I truly have to have it.  Some of it is horribly expensive.  On dates, I do not wear my expensive jewellery.  Because the message it can convey is geez, how much did that cost? None of their business, but if I don’t wear it, they don’t have to ask that question, do they?

    As far as high maintenance is concerned, I will continue to do my hair regularly, pedicures and manicures and facials, buy new clothes and perfume as and when I think fit.  If a man cannot cope with a well groomed woman, then he isn’t the right man for me. 

  11. 102
    Karl R

    Seriously asked: (#99)
    “I just can’t help it since i do meet so many Low Life Women today. and is it right for a woman to Curse me when i will start a conversation with them?”
    Yes you can help it. You have one of the worst attitudes towards women I’ve ever encountered. You believe “most of you women have a very limited IQ to begin with.” (That’s your choice of words, not mine.) If that’s your opinion of women, I’d say every woman on the planet is justified when she curses at you.
    The other men who have been repeatedly cursed at, do they share your opinion of women? If so, I’d say they deserve to be cursed at too.
    I’ve known you for two paragraphs, and you’ve already convinced me that you’re a mal chauvinist and a misogynist whom every woman on the planet (especially the decent ones) should avoid. (I can’t guarantee that my impression is correct, but that’s the impression you’ve clearly given me.)
    To make matter worse, I’ve gotten that opinion just by hearing your side of the story. Your side of the story is going to be biased in your favor.
    Seriously asked: (#99)
    “why would i blame myself when i know other men that had this happened to them too?”
    I’ve only heard your side of the story. I haven’t spoken to any of the women you’ve approached. Despite this, you’ve convinced me that you’re a mal chauvinist and misogynist. Are you going to blame the women for that? It’s your own words that convinced me.
    You’re the only person to blame for giving me that impression.
    You are your own worst enemy in this. Change your attitude towards women. (All women.) Change your approach. Change your results.
    Or … you can continue to bad-mouth and blame women.

  12. 103

    Seriously, I feel curious are you approaching women who are openly smiling and giving you eye contact?
    Or approaching women who are giving you no signs of being interested in engaging with you?
    What do you saying to then when you start a conversation?

  13. 104

    To Rose, that is why many of us men have trouble meeting a good one nowadays, and i had really thought that my approach went very well. I would first introduce myself who i am, and then ask for their name. I am not an ugly man at all, and i am in very good shape for my age by the way. i have noticed that many women don’t want to be bothered at all when i will try to introduce myself to the one that i am attracted too. Going to the clubs is very hard nowadays, especially when i noticed that other men do get turned down by a woman that they have asked to dance with. So as you can see, it is not just me that gets rejected. What is very sad is that many of the women are much more attracted to the real ugly looking men which is much more of a trend these days, and i really don’t know why. And for the women out there that really think their beautiful are so very stuck up, and have such an attitude problem too. There are certainly many women that are not at all attractive, and i am just looking for a good woman with a good personality which is very important today. Peace.

  14. 105

    Seriously 105 – I have heard men say that after a certain age, women are just interested in their cats/dogs and grandchildren. 
    i have noticed that many women don’t want to be bothered at all when i will try to introduce myself to the one that i am attracted too
    Maybe these women are just rude? And you have saved yourself some time???

  15. 106

    It’s sure hard to keep approaching once it sinks in that you don’t have a prayer.

  16. 107

    I love the comments on this post. I am successful, well educated, have a nice car (not a Jag) and own two homes.  I dated a man who knew what I did for a living and knew of the area I live in from date one and I knew the same of him.  After 3 dates he knew “I was the one” yet texted me to ask if I wanted to be in a relationship. After 3 dates he still asked me to meet him for our date because he didn’t want to pick me up in his small car. (His words).  I saw the flags but kept going because I really felt we had common ground.  We both had very difficult childhoods, we both were the only children in the family to put ourselves thru college, we both had horrible divorces and were raising our children. Plus we had awesome chemistry and loved to laugh. 
    Long story short…he ended up breaking up via text after losing an investment because “he thought he had nothing to offer me”.  4 months go by and I run into him at a local ice cream shop, we were both on dates.  He begins texting me that day and I finally have my answers. Men, for the most part need to feel that they are bringing something to the table, that they are providing and can live up to your standards. Some men can not handle the women making more money, it emasculates them.  Thank God, not all men feel this way.  I refuse to hide who I am, how I got to where I am or change my core values and beliefs for anyone.  You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince charming.  A women should be proud of her accomplishments, never hide them.  Be yourself and be happy.  The rest will follow.

  17. 108

    Well I think that for me I wanna meet women who are independent and successful. Why? Because I am tired of women that only wanna date for my wealth. Its fake, I am not about scoring someone rich as I have my own fortune, but the sugar momma’s represent the age group I am after (I’m 44 and simply don’t care about someone 20 years younger) is quality women that are not seeking my money and represent the cream of the crop women that I wanna date. Again I don’t care about cash I care about how cool the women is, can she handle my hyper sexuality and still like me. Anyway bottom line is as a person who is in his 40s, independently wealthy and wants to meet quality women I have something in common with me and are in the same caste so I know that whatever we do is real.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>