Why Men Don’t Write to Curvy Women on the Internet

Hi Evan,

I have been online dating for about two months and it’s been so-so thus far.  My problem is deciding how to list my body type.  I’m 5’3″ and an hourglass-ish size 10, so while I’m not obese, I’m definitely not “athletic and toned.”  I chose pictures that I think accurately show this.

Anyway, at first I listed myself as “A few pounds extra” thinking it was an honest description.  Well, two male co-workers were talking about online dating and mentioned that they’d never contact a girl that was in that class or “curvy”, because any time they’d met one in the past, she’d been much heavier than in her pictures.

I’m wondering if this is why guys will view me a lot, but won’t make contact. The guys who have made contact have been people that I probably would not have dated normally, i.e., no steady job or just a little odd.

Any suggestions?

Nicci

On the next episode of Online Mythbusters, we will learn:

  • Why women don’t list their true weights or body types!
  • Why men avoid “curvy” women!
  • Why men look at you and don’t write to you!
  • Why odd men with no jobs contact you!

You have to be asking yourself – is it REALLY in my best interests to tell the truth if 95% of guys are going to dismiss me for doing so?

The good news, Nicci, is that all of the answers can be derived from the same exact technique – flipping things over to consider the other person’s point of view.

Let’s start with you, because a) you wrote me the note, and b) you’re an online dating anomaly – an honest size 10 who doesn’t claim to be athletic and toned.

However, after talking to your male co-workers and observing that you’re not being contacted, you have to be asking yourself – is it REALLY in my best interests to tell the truth if 95% of guys are going to dismiss me for doing so? This is the online dating dilemma that faces MILLIONS of people each day. If I’m a 5’4” man, I know that it’s going to be hard to get a date if I tell the truth. If I’m a 50-year-old man who makes less than $30,000/year, I’m going to be somewhat handicapped. And few people face more discrimination than women in their 50’s and 60’s, who only seem to get email from men who are MUCH older.

Most of these people are good people – and yet they give in to the temptation to lie. Why? Because telling the truth is a FAILING strategy. This is the explanation for why women don’t tell the truth about their bodies. Simply put, there’s very little reward for having integrity. At the very least, heavier women (like shorter men) feel that if they can convince someone to go out with them, they’d have a chance in person….

Except this isn’t true either, because most people feel duped by the disconnect between your description and real life stature. Heavier people almost always do better in “real life” than online.

Next myth to be busted: why men don’t go out with “curvy” women. Well, you touched on it yourself, Nicci, in your email. In their attempts to be honest (but not scare off men), women will click on descriptors like “a few pounds extra”, “curvy”,  or “voluptuous”. All are considered euphemisms for “fat” by men. This creates a vicious circle. Women know that men prefer thin, so they adjust their descriptions accordingly. Men have learned to mistrust these body types, and therefore only look at women who are “firm and toned”, “slim/slender”, or “athletic”. And when the slightly overweight woman shows up on a date with a man who was expecting “athletic”, both parties are in for a night of disappointment.

Focus on what you can control – YOU – and let go of what you can’t – MEN.

Why do men look at you and not write to you? First of all, I think that’s a problem that’s more in your head than in reality. Fact is, we all window shop online. How many men have you looked at? 1000? How many did you write to? 12? Should 988 men feel rejected because you didn’t initiate contact? Please. Ignore how many people look at you. It is misleading and can only serve as a tool that makes you feel rejected. If no one’s WRITING to you, however, there is something to think about. Which is why I’ve helped thousands of people rebrand and market themselves successfully online over the past nine years. Better photos, better essays, better usernames, better email technique. Do everything 25% better and it can make a remarkable difference in your life.

Still, no matter how much rebranding we do, life is still not going to be fair. Men are still largely going to prefer young, thin women. Women are still going to prefer tall, successful men. All we can do is tackle this confidently, and not get too thrown by the many bumps in the road. The man who wants you is going to WANT a curvy girl. No point in getting bent out of shape about the ones who prefer skinny chicks, y’know?

Finally, the last myth we’re gonna bust is that there’s something about your profile that’s attracting the wrong kind of men. I swear to God, I have heard this complaint every single day for nearly a decade. And it always baffles me. So let’s play the game I play with my clients on the phone:

Me: If you were to go to an airport and look around the terminal, what percentage of men would you date?

Her: I don’t know. 5%? 2%, maybe?

Me: Then why would you expect the percentage to be any higher online? If, by definition, 95% of men are wrong for you, it should be expected that many will be unemployed, uneducated, older and inappropriate. Get over it. They’re allowed to take a crack at you, and you’re allowed to ignore them. Focus your energies on attracting and maintaining the 5% that you want. THAT’s what we’ll do together.

And so it is, Nicci. Focus on what you can control – YOU – and let go of what you can’t – MEN.

Understanding this about online dating is essential to your success. And if you’ve struggled with the same frustrations as Nicci – not enough good men, all the wrong men writing to you – my Finding the One Online system is a one-stop-shop to get you the kind of attention you deserve.

Click here to learn more and kickstart your love life today.

www.evanmarckatz.com/products/finding-the-one-online.html

Warmest wishes,

Your friend,

Evan

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Comments:

  1. 2
    Marc

    She’s to be admired for being honest about her weight, and I’d urge her to continue doing so. It’s not fair to her or anyone she’d go on a date with to show up heavier than she claims to be in her profile. I remember one Jdate incident where the woman had only a head shot in her profile, and listed herself as petite when in fact she was far from petite. She was actually quite nice, but I was annoyed by her lie, and it got unnecessarily awkward when she continued to contact me after the date.

    1. 2.1
      Anda@gmail.com

      “Petite” usually refers to height.

      1. 2.1.1
        Policeman

        Uh, no. It doesn’t.

        1. Amy

          Yes it does!  There are plus sized petite women but no matter what her dress size or how slim she is, a woman over 5’3″ft is not petite.  

  2. 3
    Steve

    I often see ads from women who write statements such as “I’m 127 but I have been told I can pass for 90″. Sometimes that isn’t true. It makes the person look like they are living in their own world. I think it is better to put up accurate pictures with a date stamp, a real age, and let people judge for themselves.

  3. 4
    Steve

    Michael, post #2. Yes. I think the film “The Tao Of Steve” portrays that attitude accurately.

  4. 5
    Jennifer

    You know, just the other day I was talking to my friends about how annoyed i was that the term ‘curvy’ is now known as a euphemism for overweight. It’s possible to be athletic and toned and curvy (ie., not have slender or boyish hips, wear a full B or C-cup, etc.) but as soon as anyone hears curvy they assume it means ‘big’. It’s a shame, cause it’s a good descriptor.
    BTW, I’m not knocking girls with boyish hips or girls that are overweight. Just saying that neither one is curvy :-)

    1. 5.1
      Jenn

      That’s why I really wish that dating sites would let you choose more than one body type descriptor. For instance, at the weight I am now, I’d be considered “About Average/Curvy”. I have an hourglass shape and am not fat. I do have about 20 pounds to lose before I hit my goal of 100 pounds lost, but I think that my photos give an accurate portrayal of my body. If any guy doesn’t like what he sees, he can move on. 

    2. 5.2
      John

      Hate to break it to you, but it’s not men who have decided that. It’s overweight women who have taken over these terms in order to portray themselves as something they’re not or just feel better about themselves without actually changing anything be more fit. Men didn’t just decide curvy=fat. To be blunt, it’s the legitimately fat chicks who get angry and proclaim “I’m not fat, I’m curvy!”. Using a new word doesn’t change what you look like. You are you no matter what word you use. Enough overweight women have simply co-opted the word “curvy” to describe a truly overweight figure. All men did was say “ok, you win. The word curvy now describes your body type, which is fat”. 

      If you are annoyed that curvy means fat now, I would suggest you start telling anyone who describes themselves as curvy who is significantly more than that to stop using that word. 

  5. 7
    Robyn

    Nicci, I have the same physical stats as you, and I list myself as either “curvy” or “average.” I have to say that this has not stopped guys of any type from contacting me. (The major problem I’m experiencing at the moment is that the majority of men contacting me are either over 50 [I'm 35] or in Israel – but that’s for another column.)

    I have to agree with Evan about marketing yourself properly. I have professionally-shot pictures that get compliments all the time, and they are accurate photos (the guys say so on dates). I have a hilarious essay that guys really respond to.

    …and I’m still single. But I don’t attribute that to my being curvy. I think of my curves as an asset. If you think of them that way, and market yourself in the most positive way, I think you’ll get more responses. They may not be from guys you want to date, but as Evan pointed out, there are always going to be more people you’re not interested in than those you are.

    Just refresh your essay and pics – maybe get some feedback by friends (or strangers?) before posting them. And see if your response rate changes.

  6. 8
    Sally

    I am a curvy girl (5’7″, size 12, D cups) and have always stated that in my profile. BUT, the difference is, in my essay, my opening line was… “Ever see the road sign ‘Dangerous Curves Ahead’?
    I was bombarded with replies.
    Honesty about your curves is good, but if your profile essay reflects your confidence in yourself, the men WILL respond. I’ve been with a wonderful man (who is incredibly athletic and fit) for two and a half years who adores my curves. Hang in there, Nicci!

  7. 9
    Ambrosiality.com

    Just say Average!!

    and if your more than an size 8/10 well say you meant the average American woman =)

  8. 10
    Bev

    I thought ‘curvy’ was an hourglass figure with large breasts and nice hips and a small waist. Isn’t that what men want? Do they really want ‘skinny’? I’m baffled.

    1. 10.1
      ellethemagnanimous

      That’s is precisely what curvy means.  It has less to do with your weight and more with your body shape.  I don’t think obese women can really claim the descriptor of curvy and nor can underweight women.

      1. 10.1.1
        Willuz

        That’s what it used to mean.  However, many very large women select curvy in online profiles and due to this the meaning of the word has changed.  Once you realize the signs you will notice that most women who select curvy also use a picture that is a headshot with the camera held above them looking down since this is the most misleading way to take a selfie.

    2. 10.2
      Tony

      To me as a guy, curvy is Joan in Mad Men. Sexy and beautiful, the kind of woman you can cuddle without bruising yourself on bone or getting smothered to death.  Curvy is not 50 lbs overweight.

  9. 11
    Lance

    I always find “curvy” to be fat/big when I do searches, which is unfortunate but true for the folks who are truly curvy. If I was Nicci, I would go with the “average” label. If she plays sports at all or works out, she could reasonably put athletic. If she’s not playing sports or working out, she SHOULD BE…the benefits go far beyond online dating.

    I’ve never held it against a person if they fib a bit with their label.

    I think it’s important just to show up in searches and let people decide based on your pictures and profile. While I may not be the majority, my first search is always slender + athletic and toned. If I don’t find anything I like with that search, I’ll expand out to include average also, but I only do the secondary search maybe 1 out of 10 times.

    IMO, it’s a flaw in the system and not a flaw of the user. I have no problem with using the system to get what I want, and I would never hold it against someone else either. Hey, all’s fair, right? Don’t stress about the labeling thing.

  10. 12
    Collins

    To answer Michael in posts #1 & #6: Some men, of any size, do prefer thin women because American pop culture has taught them to. But one thing that people of both genders & all sizes should keep in mind is: Male & female are opposites that usually do attract, but beyond that, you attract what you are. And I for one do not equate “curvy” with “overweight.” I don’t want a Camryn Manheim, but I don’t want a Calista Flockhart either. I want a happy medium, someone whom I can hug & not worry about breaking her bones, nor about her breaking mine when she’s on top during sex. Looks may land me initially, but personality will keep me in the long run. However much a gal may weigh, her beauty will flow from the inside out.

    And in reply to Robyn paraphrasing Evan in post #7 (“…there are always going to be more people you’re not interested in than those you are…”) I say amen! Whichever gender you are/seek, if you seek gold, you must dig through a lot of dirt. Or, to put it another way: Dating is a lottery; the more people there are to choose from, the harder it will be to find the right one.

  11. 13
    A-L

    I’ve got similar stats to Nicci & Robyn, and I put average. I also have felt the same pull as Nicci to be more honest and put curvy or a few extra pounds but haven’t for that very reason (though I’ve seen recently that more guys will list curvy along with the slender and athletic & toneds).

    I realize my weight is more of an issue than it is for men, as no guy seems to have a problem with it, but I still feel a certain degree of self-consciousness. I just act like I don’t. :) And I also have accurate full body shots, though from the most flattering angle possible. I think so long as the photos are accurate, then the guy will feel he knows what he’s getting into and won’t be disappointed in person.

    In terms of e-mails/winks from the wrong men, I don’t even consider them. What I mean by that is, if I say I haven’t gotten any e-mails, it’s that I haven’t gotten any from someone halfway decent, NOT that 55 year olds from a couple of states over haven’t sent me some spam.

  12. 14
    Michael Ejercito

    A-L,

    You can always try searching for men and initiating e-mail.

    I have received winks on Match.com and Date.com

  13. 15
    Barb

    Nicci exposes one of the flaws of online dating. WE (yes, all of us) find ourselves drawn to the perfect match without knowing the person. As opposed to when we meet someone LIVE, we can be drawn to a them despite the two-dimensional attributes. My two cents.

  14. 16
    A-L

    Michael,

    In reference to post #14, I do e-mail guys, and don’t always wait for them to contact me.

  15. 17
    Brian

    A woman wrote to me whose photos looked like she might be fairly full figured. She was charming and very funny and we soon called eachother and burned through whole cell batteries at a time. She did tell me that she was ‘Curvy’

    Not usually my style, I liked her well enough to get together in person. We hit it off very well and had a great time together. I suggest that at least for me, it was worth taking a chance on finding a wonderful person who just happens to carry a few “extra” pounds.

  16. 18
    Heather

    I have found this issue to be a big one for me as I started online dating recently.

    Two years ago, I weighed 140 pounds and wore a size 6, but due to a serious illness and the prescribed medication, I am now 5′ 6″ and wear a size 12. I have been steadily losing weight now that I am off the medication that caused me to gain it all, but I find that this in between period has been very difficult.

    I work out 6 days a week; I can run 6 miles at a time, etc and am, by all accounts, fit and athletic and curvy. Because I am carrying extra weight on my frame, I have found men to not be as interested and I have lost a lot of confidence that I once had.
    It will probably take another 6 months to lose the rest of my weight (as I am doing it the old fashioned way – exercise and eating right – but to think it may take that long to find someone who is into me and my size is incredibly frustrating.

    I have a pretty face, a quick wit, and am a good conversationalist… I have been on several dates where I thought things have gone very well, but there has been little follow up. I can’t help but wonder if it is because of my size. My profile (on eHarmony) has accurate, recent pictures, but I still wonder… Telling this story (as I have here) is not exactly something one should put in their online profile.

    Has anyone else had a similar experience at all?

    1. 18.1
      Rachel

      This is the story of my life. i was a model a few years ago and put my life at risk with a serious eating disorder. I was wanted, envied…despite my personal hell. I ended up hospitalized and got my gall bladder removed among treatment for the eating disorder. However, in the year since Ive gone from 100 lbs to 145, the way Ive gotten treated is astronomically different. I’m intelligent (a nurse with a bachelor’s degree), sweet, funny, and honest. I was so used to the attention from before….and even my own attractions havent changed much. I dont overlook overweight guys, but I do look a lot at the faces. Anyway….I hate to say I’m judged when we all do it too, but it hurts to go out with all these guys one time, after being honest in my profile, and then they just fade-out or never respond to me again. I think it’s because of my size….and I feel some of eating disordered thoughts coming back. Honestly, Im scared…I was so happy just being myself…but Im also very lonely, havent been in a serious relationship/long term since I was skinny. Im 25, and want to meet and know someone for a while before marriage/kids. I feel if I dont lose this weight quickly, Ill never find what I want. 

      1. 18.1.1
        Karmic Equation

        Awww, Rachel. I’m 5’0, 145 lbs. It’s not the weight. It’s the SHAPE you’re in.
        http://smg.photobucket.com/user/tessa99/media/KE%20Album/20130901_18354502.jpg.html?sort=3&o=1
        So, three things:
        1) You need to change your SHAPE, not necessarily the weight. If you can afford a personal trainer, hire one. If you can’t, force yourself to go to the gym– and when you get there LIFT WEIGHTS, THEN do cardio. You need to build muscle to help you burn the fat. But because muscle weighs more than fat, you may very well remain at 145 lbs, but you’ll be a few sizes smaller.
         
        2) Go to a therapist. Don’t slide back into another eating disorder disaster. You need to learn to love yourself no matter what your shape.
         
        3) Have patience. It took me 6 months to go down 2 sizes (size 10 to size 6) — Anything worth having is worth waiting for, right? It doesn’t pertain just to “finding the one” or to sex, but to weight loss, too.
         
        Good luck.

        1. hunter

          rachel,

          …the average woman does not want to work at it, that hard….. 

      2. 18.1.2
        julia

        Rachel-I’ve been dating for several years at about 20lbs heavier than you. I never lacked for attention during that time. 100lbs, 145lbs, 165lbs, 200lbs there will be men who find you beautiful. What’s not beautiful is someone who isn’t comfortable in their skin, insecure and not knowing they’re a knock out. I would work on how you view you before working on losing weight. You said you are recovering from an EDO. Might it be your EDO rearing its head? Do you think restricting your diet after recovery is best for your health? Work on how you feel about you, dating will get better.

    2. 18.2
      Becca

      I too gained a lot of weight whilst taking a medication. As a size 8-10 (UK, not sure what this is in US) I got a lot of attention, but now as a UK 14-16, the attention I get from men has dwindled dramatically! Because of the weight gain alone I’ve decided I need to stop taking the medication, and like you I am on the road to losing what I’ve gained. It’s disheartening, but unfortunately I think we just have to deal with it. My concern though, is, say I attract & commit to a guy when I’m slim again…. When my body changes with pregnancy, is he going to go off me?? Because apparently I’m revolting once I get past a UKsize 12! 

      1. 18.2.1
        Kermit

        Size 8-10 UK is about 4-6 in US. So if you are size 14-16 UK, it would be about 10-12 US. That is average or slightly skinny in my area. My girl is around 16-18 or 18-20 US (depending on the brand) which is 22-14 UK. Maybe you should move to America. We’d be glad to have you Becca. ;)

  17. 19
    Jennifer

    Bev #9- I agree, that’s also what I think of when I use ‘curvy’- it’s more about the curve of a woman’s hips than her abdomen. But unfortunately the term is used pretty loosely/incorrectly now. If people didn’t automatcially see ‘curvy’ as ‘big’, then truly curvy girls would show up in more searches and full-body pictures would provide all clarity needed about her body size.

  18. 20
    Cilla

    Heather, you and I have very similar stories. I used to be very thin (5’3″, 105 lbs) and gained about 40 pounds over last 5 years, due to medications, a knee injury, etc. I have slowly been taking it off (don’t weigh myself, but I’ve dropped two jeans sizes). I’m a healthy looking 8/10, but at only 5’3″ every pound looks like more.

    I do list myself as “curvy” on dating sites, because I feel it is the most honest representation of my body. I’d rather have men dismiss me online than meet me in person and be disappointed. I liken it to putting those “chicken cutlets” in your bra to make it look like you are well endowed–at some point the truth will come out!

    I never really equated curvy with being overweight–I always thought it was more like a Raquel Welch/Salma Hayek kind of figure (vs. Kate Moss or Jennifer Aniston). I mean, what adjective would you pick to describe Salma Hayek? I don’t think it’s “slender” or “athletic.” I think men have different perceptions of it, too, because some totally hot guys are willing to look at curvy gals, and some are not. I figure the ones who are willing to date those of us with curves are more interested in the whole person, and not just our outward appearance. And they appreciate a more realistic woman’s body, not something created by Madison Avenue!

    I’m probably a month away from being able to list myself as “athletic/toned.” The question is: will I? Maybe I’ll stay with curvy and just put in a few flattering but real body shots and let the guys decide. Do I really want to date someone who is so hung up on physique? I’ve had a good response to my profile from the men who have taken the time to read it–isn’t that what I’m looking for?

    And how honest are the men on these sites? I recently stumbled across the profile for one of my clients at work. He listed himself as divorced, when I know for a fact he is still just separated. His body was said to be “athletic,” although I would probably describe him as “slim,” and the biggest hoot of all was his hair. He listed “blond.” Well, what’s left of it may be, but I would definitely put him in the “bald” category! LOL!

    Hang in there. And as a last .02, I’d say the dating site matters. I found the most superficial men are on Match.com. I have had much better correspondence from men on MillionaireMatch.com. Time will tell!

    1. 20.1
      Peter

      It’s interesting how you admit you’re trying to attract “totally hot guys” and are on MillionaireMatch.com and then you complain about superficial men and hope they look past your outward appearance. So you’re hoping a guy looks past your outward appearance but he has the superficial qualities that you want?  Good luck in your search; you’re going to need it.

  19. 21
    JB

    I’m wondering if any of these women know that most men of ANY size rarely if ever get a response unless they’re a 9 or 10. Imagine if you’re an electrician,plumber or a mechanic of any body type. Unless they look like a model these men have zero value and get 0 responses. How about a male lawyer or accountant who’s “husky” or has a bit of middle aged “gut” ? No chance. Most women have never been a man online to see the other side of the coin.

    1. 21.1
      Laura

      Well I’m a beautiful not fat woman. My breast are really big like gg cup and I wear a size 8. I know I’m great yet 99.9% of guys won’t message me back. I think it goes both ways online guys are simply too picky. I think they don’t reply to me because I’m not a blond haired, blue eyed, 100 pound woman. My best friend who is blond haired, blue eyed and 100 pounds has been very successful with online dating. the guys she messages always replies. American standards of beauty are unreal! Work your shape it’s his lost for not contacting/replying to you!

      1. 21.1.1
        Jeff

        100 pounds would be the average for women anywhere outside the United States. American women have become way to obese

        1. Jo

          Maybe in East Asia that would be average! An Eastern European is going to be somewhat heavier because they’re taller.  

  20. 22
    Sam

    I admit I find fat to be very unattractive, but I give a lot of credit to a woman who is at least trying to stay thin and who can keep up with me in outdoors activities.

    Fat on a girl’s stomach isn’t appealling, but it isn’t as annoying as when a girl says that she’s tired after we’ve only walked a mile or two.

    If you are overweight/curvy my advice is to try to seem like you’re trying to lose weight. When you’re on a date have a salad instead of French fries. Offer to walk somewhere instead of drive.

    If the guy you’re dating is health conscious, he’ll respect you for trying to be thin, even if your heredity doesn’t allow it.

    1. 22.1
      Ellen

      hahaha! you’ve got to be kidding me… what is this, the 1950s? 

    2. 22.2
      Jo

      Well, I hope you look like a Calvin Klein model.  Beggars can’t be choosers.s

  21. 23
    Susie

    I’m 5″4, and I really am athletic and toned (under 20% body fat; cardio and weights, 5-6 days/ week, plus martial arts, yoga, rock climbing, ultimate). I find the range of people who define themselves as “athletic and toned” to be ludicrous. It includes those who worked out 10 years ago, but haven’t done so since then, and those whose arms are toned, but are otherwise fat. One of my friends suggested that they should add an additional category: “superbuff”!

    I wouldn’t look at a guy who wasn’t “slender” or “athletic and toned”. I’m sorry if that sounds shallow, but since I live up to that standard, I hold dates to it as well. Anyone for whom fitness isn’t important, isn’t a good match for me.

    I’d say, call yourself “average” or “curvy”, and make your main shot a really hot one of you!

    1. 23.1
      john douglas

      Susie, I do not think you are being shallow. If you work hard to maintain a great body then you shouldn’t worry about people who do not. I think dating sites should at the very least publish only pictures that are not more than 1 year old. I think saying you are 51 years old and posting a picture of you when you were 35 is very dishonest.
       
       
       
       

  22. 24
    downtowngal

    Uch, all of this makes me think more and more how much online dating has completely f*#(ed up the dating scene.

    I’ve seen lots of curvy/fat/voluptuous/or whatever women meet and end up w/great guys who like them for THEM. And if you look at these women it’s their confidence that attracts these guys, who probably would have passed over their profiles on line if these gals labeled themselves as such.

    Same thing for guys under a certain height or income level.

    It’s the whole package that people are attracted to…since when did we have to become experts in creative writing to find true love?

  23. 25
    TMan

    List yourself as “average”. Include photos and specify how recent they are in your profile.

  24. 26
    Alan

    I’d encourage you to be honest. In the end, once you meet in person the truth will be out. Much better to be honest up front and rejected up front, than waste time on someone who will reject you later for the same reason (if not also for your dishonesty). You’re not interested in those clowns anyways, so go for truth and try to attract men who are attracted to you.

    Evan is dead on about body type descriptors. Because so many people are not honest, all of the descriptors have become a euphemism for at least the next one beyond. We’ve been trained to be skeptical about descriptor accuracy, meaning that “a few more pounds” or “curvy” or “voluptuous” all equate (in our mind) to “overweight” regardless of much else. Sure, photos help offset that, but photos aren’t foolproof either. The truth will bear out when you meet the person that’s the real test.

  25. 27
    Cilla

    Nothing personal, but comments like Susie’s are why so many of us are using “curvy.” There ought to be a website where all the “superbuff” singles can go to date online–bathing suit shots only.

  26. 28
    Steve

    Cilla, about post #27

    I’ve been on both sides of the buffout-o-shape dichotomy a number of times. I’ve had everyone’s feelings. I’ve also had everyone’s preferences.

    One of the values of Evan’s blog are comments like Susie’s. You aren’t going to get the straight scoop in real life,but this blog lets people be honest about the dating sphere without any risk. That information can then be used to help you get more of what you want. If not, at the least, the honesty is refreshing.

    In the dating world, even ( especially?) people on your team are not going to be honest with you. Telling people what it is, is often a thankless job. Nobody wants to hurt anyone’s feelings or find themselves in awkward situations. They care more about avoiding those things then making sure you have a realistic appraisal of the situation you are in.

  27. 29
    Rachel

    You have to be honest to attract the kind of guy/girl who will STICK AROUND and be interested in YOU. Would you rather get rejected in person after you lie and get the date? Ugh. At any rate, Black and white descriptions are a load of crap. I agree with the ladies who said that you can be athletic and slim and toned and curvy — and petite too. I’m all of the above — five foot one, 98 pounds, 34 – 24 – 34, and very toned from being a Pilates instructor. I had a good friend in school who was five foot four, toned, hourglass figure, and va-va-voom whether she was a size 8 or a size 12.

    1. 29.1
      Camera eye

      I have been a modeling photographer for over 15 years now.  It has become a mannerism for overweight women to call themselves curvy or voluptuous. In turn; right or wrong, men have no idea what they are up against with such a woman.  One of the girls I worked with about 4 years ago who was build very much like Rachel; the differences being she was a 5’1″ and 110 lbs. her measurements were 34-23-39 due to her spending many hours in the gym training as a bikini competitor.  She had a large fan base on Facebook and one of these fans sent an image of her to a “Curvy girl group”.  It was really disturbing to hear about the hate mail she received (and she didn’t even post the picture).  She was accused of being photo-shopped…the new excuse for attractive women.  One woman actually emailed her saying “it was girls like her that sabotaging the way men view women”.  Why? because like Rachel she work hard to make her body look the way it does.  I have no personal problems with overweight people, but why is it a crime to work hard to develop real curves.?
       

  28. 30
    JB

    You guys are missing the question…”Why Don’t Men Write Curvy Women On The Internet ?” For the exact same reason WOMEN don’t respond to or contact men THEY don’t find attractive.

    NOONE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH SOMEONE THEY AREN’T ATTRACTED TO.

    It really is THAT simple.

    Why does every woman on Yahoo think THEY’RE “average” weight ? What does that mean ?? The average woman weighs 200lbs ?? The average for THEIR height ??? It’s all an opinion, like the word attractive. Everyone thinks THEY’RE attractive….lol
    and everyone may be to someone….I guess

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