Do You Want Your Partner To Treat You Like Royalty?

Have you ever been treated like royalty by a romantic partner?

Have you ever had someone offer to give you a foot massage after you worked out?

Have you ever had someone make you breakfast while you were still sound asleep?

Have you ever gotten a card that made you cry? Or a gift that made you gasp?

What a wonderful feeling, to be loved, appreciated, and honored. This kind of generosity doesn’t happen often, and when it does, it can be fleeting.

But it doesn’t have to be.

So what does it take to have a partner treat you like royalty?

Treat your partner like royalty every single day.

…Treat a guy well and he’s not going to go anywhere.

Simple.

Treat your partner like royalty every single day.

Impossible, you say. You can’t make a partner be as thoughtful and generous as you.

Ah, but you can.

Treat a guy well and he’s not going to go anywhere.

In Why He Disappeared, I outline some of the most common ways that women unintentionally sabotage their own relationships.

Once you learn how some of your thought patterns and behaviors can accidentally alienate men, you can make slight adjustments which will create long-term connections.

If you’re like me, you get along with most people. You don’t necessarily want everyone to be your best friend, but there aren’t many folks that truly rub you the wrong way.

When you look at the few people who do, you’ll probably notice a pattern.

The people that you can’t be yourself around are either:

Self-indulgent, narcissistic, arrogant, and outwardly rude.

Or…

People who make you feel wrong.

Now, none of us like to think that we’re arrogant and rude.

But when it comes to relationships, we often find tiny ways to make our partners feel “wrong.”

Imagine you had a boyfriend who said things like:

“Why don’t you grow your hair longer?”

“Why do you always complain about your job?”

“How come you can never do anything spontaneously?”

“Maybe you should start working out more.”

“Why are you always talking to other men at parties?”

“How come you’re always hanging out with your annoying girlfriends?”

Yeah, guys can be really critical and blunt sometimes. I’m not going to defend their behavior for a half a second.

However, I’d like to point out that you probably do the same exact thing:

See, it’s easy to remember all the minor criticisms you’ve received.

It’s a lot harder to recall all of the digs you’ve taken at the men you’ve dated.

“Why can’t you put away your clothes in the hamper?”

“Would it kill you to make plans with me more than a day in advance?”

“Why didn’t you make a bigger deal about my birthday?”

“How come you’re always running 15 minutes late?”

“Why is watching football with your friends more important than seeing me?”

“Why do you always wear that ratty old shirt?”

See, it’s easy to remember all the minor criticisms you’ve received. It’s a lot harder to recall all of the digs you’ve taken at the men you’ve dated.

But you’ve done it. We all have.

Alas, nobody likes criticism – even if it’s valid.

Your observations may be correct, but your messaging needs a lot of work.

So if a guy told you to lose weight or stop seeing your friends, you’d probably get really angry with him. You’d have every right to, and I can see why you feel justified in your anger.

Because you want to be loved unconditionally. Because you want to be accepted for who you are. Because you don’t want to have to change for anyone.

Yet, somehow you still think it’s fair that your boyfriend should change for you.

It just doesn’t work that way.

True love is about accepting his flaws – not because he’s perfect – but because you want him to accept YOUR flaws as well.

By telling you to accept your man for who he is, I don’t mean that you should start putting up with unacceptable behavior. The man who cheats or lies or can’t communicate or commit is a man that should be LEFT, not changed.

But if you’ve got a decent guy who is flawed (as all of us are), it means offering him more positive reinforcement and less negative reinforcement.

What happens when a man says something nice to you – compliments you on your eyes, or your wit, or your triumph at work? It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

It works the same way for us.

Positive reinforcement makes a man feel great about himself AND about you.

On the other hand…

Negative reinforcement makes him feel bad about himself and about you.

Why? Because nobody wants to be told that he’s “wrong.”

I can only imagine how you feel about me because I’m telling you this!

Understand, being critical is a universal trait – not just a female one.

The great news is: by being a more supportive and accepting girlfriend, you actually bring a better side out in your man. That’s right.

Most men are used to women telling us what’s wrong with us. When we find someone who accentuates the positive and ignores the negative, we feel like a million bucks.

Want to be treated like a princess? Start treating your men like kings.

My wife is gifted at this.

She has set the bar so high, that I have no choice but to jump it.

It’s hard not to give when you receive as much as I do.

In that way, HER generosity has made ME a better husband.

YOUR generosity will do the same.

You can literally TRANSFORM men just by treating them with more kindness and respect.

This concept works on dates, in business, with family.

Want to be treated like a princess? Start treating your men like kings.

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Comments:

  1. 31
    GL

    I think you can do nice things and be generous and kind, but maybe it’s looking at what you receive in return. My mother, for example, is a very generous woman, but my Dad is very selfish. I remember watching them both get out of the car with bags of stuff and my Dad wouldn’t even help. He was oblivious! I’d even watch her trip and stumble and my Dad would roll his eyes and not ask if she was OK. Selfish man. Now, this guy I’ve started seeing, I have done nice things for. He likes orange soda so I got him one when he didn’t expect it, little things like that…Well went to the grocery store with me. I didn’t expect anything, but he was so awesome! He offered to pack up the groceries, then he carried them for me to the house. Yeah he doesn’t buy me things, but how awesome I didn’t have to carry groceries! I think you can receive but not get it in the way you expect? Yin and yang, push and pull…

  2. 32
    Jodi

    This is in response to the women who feel like they give to their men but don’t feel valued in the relationship: ” I’ve always treated my men like kings and haven’t ever been treated like a queen?” and “I do treat my boyfriend like a king, but he just keeps taking & taking & I feel exhausted & used.”

    This is just my opinion and not “the truth” but you may want to consider that there are different ways to “give.” Giving is a masculine trait…it’s a Doing thing…men are providers and they are naturally givers. As women, it’s easy to take on the masculine role of giving and then find that our men may pull back and give less. That’s because we’ve taken their role of giving away and often “out-give” our man.

    A different way to look at it is the concept of “giving back” to our men. When our men give us things in the form of gifts, time, affection, dates, etc. sometimes our tendency is to give back at a greater level than they gave to us. I know, I’ve done this before. It can make a man feel uncomfortable. Often a woman is using her giving as a subtle form of trying to control the behavior we want from a man.

    If on the other hand, you’re conscious to give back things like a warm smile, words of appreciation and admiration for everything he does…from remembering to bring home  milk to planning a weekend getaway…men are refueled to want to do it again. Quality men give to make us happy and not to get something back in the same form. 

    Giving back is a feminine trait…leaning back and receiving what the man wants to give without ANY amount of trying to control what, how or when he gives…and then simply appreciating the gift of his time, energy, and thoughtfulness. 

    Amy #30 has been giving in a masculine way. Giving him Starbucks, blanket, 14 days of treats, although very thoughtful, it can be a turnoff for a man who is more comfortable in his masculine energy. He is the giver. We are the receiver and give back in the form of thanks, appreciation, admiration, affection, etc. When we do give back actual gifts or things like cooking a meal, it’s never in a way that “out does” what he’s already given.

    Let the man control the pace of the relationship and what, when and how he chooses to give to you. Receive graciously and give back the love, appreciation and admiration so that he knows without a doubt that you are happy and that his gestures make you feel wonderful. That’s all you need to do ladies! It’s so easy when we can let go of trying to control how the relationship goes and just allow it to unfold at HIS pace and natural giving style.

    If you’re not getting the attention and time, affection, etc that you desire from your man, you can choose to leave. You will not change a man from one who is stingy with his time and affection to one who gives more by over giving to him. However, you can change a man who is a natural giver and very generous to a man who pulls back and gives less by over-giving to him. Seems weird, but I have definitely experienced both. 

    I love the quote by Dr. Patricia Allen, “Women do not have ‘nagging rights’, only ‘leaving’ rights.

     

    1. 32.1
      EmeraldDust

      Jodi @ 32 – I agree with what you are saying.  In fact when in my online incarnation as “Sparkling Emerald”  some men came over from the manosphere to speak out AGAINST courtship, and to take EMK to task for DARING to take a break from advising women and to advising men to “court” women.  They were extremely angry at the suggestion that men should court women, and were very mysogynist.  The basic premise seemed to be that except for our uterus and the passageway leading to it, women were worthless and did not deserve to be courted.
       
      I posted a 10 point list of non-sexual ways women reciprocate, in response to the gen’l assertion by the manospherians that women never reciprocate.  (basically,  a woman doesn’t go dutch treat on date 1, they see that as proof positive that she’s nothing but a gold digging leach, will always be a taker and will never reciprocate) 
      My 10 point list was similar in sentiment to your post.
      Well the manospherians copied and pasted my list and posted it on their website.  A few actually had a few good things to say about my list of how women reciprocated, but most just tore it to shreds.  Just used it as fodder for how “entitled” women were and undeserving of courtship.
      Some of the arguments against my list of feminine giving were as follows . . .
      MOST women DON’T do that, so the point is moot   OR MOST women DO that, so a woman who does that isn’t special   OR  I can pay someone to do that so why the hell should I court a woman ?  So, as far as feminine reciprocity, it’s damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
      One guy went on his anti-courtship rant and instructed men to NOT DATE women but to arrange “meetings” where you dont’ take her anyplace special, don’t treat her special, just initiate sex, and if she isn’t at least giving oral sex by the second “meeting” dump her.  Basically, in his world, courtship would be replaced by men sniffing around women like a junk yard dog, trying to hump her upon first sighting, and if she was hot enough, give her a second chance “meeting” and if  she doesn’t put out, or at least give oral sex than it means she doesn’t “like you” and you should dump her.  His angry little sexually entitled rant did not indicate if a man should “like” a woman or not, just that she should “like” him enough to let him start putting out while getting NOTHING from him but sex.  So apparently, he only wanted women who “like” him, but hate themselves.
      Sometimes one of the guys from that website, who claims to be happily married, as many of them do, comes over here to try and convince us women that we should initiate a kiss with a man as a way of couching a “feminine” message in a “masculine”  way.   Not sure why “happily married” men are coming over to this blog to tell us women to basically “man up”.  Very puzzling.
       
      So there are a lot of confusing messages out there.  Men claiming they want women to “man up” and split the check 50/50 from day one, initiate sex on a 1st or 2nd date etc.  Or forget about “splitting the check” because women aren’t worth the effort to be taken out in public for a nice date, even if it is a free concert in the park, she should just settle for a “meeting” which is just code for a sexual encounter or an attempted sexual encounter.  (AKA hooking up or a booty call)
       
      I really think there are some angry men who aren’t doing well with women, and are trying to mess up the mate selection process for everyone else, with their pseudo online “happily married” characters giving REALLY bad advice to men and women, just trying to screw things up for everyone else.  I really do believe MOST of the  men are just venting, and when they find a woman who sets off their love alarm, they will put forth the effort to win her heart (and if they fail they will back to the manosphere hating women even more)  I’m a little bit concerned about these manospherians because unlike the pre-internet days, their frustration with women rantings don’t just stay in the locker room, it reaches a world wide audience.  Impressionable young men get the impressions that women really are worthless bitches only good for one thing, and should be treated as such, and impressionable women might get a hold of some bad advice and think they can actually turn a booty call into a real relationship.  The other thing that is so depressing about such “man holes”  is that they really are an incubator for angry, frustrated men like Elliot Rodgers, to go from being a bitter man, ranting on the web, to a serial or mass murderer.  And of course MOST men won’t take their bitterness to such a murderous extreme, very few will, but that is little comfort to the victims and their families.
       
      I think the best thing for women who are treating their men like Kings, and being treated like a subject instead of a Queen, is to assess their giving style to see if perhaps they are over giving or competively giving.  If they are giving in a feminine way, and not being treated like a beloved girlfriend than walk away.  Some men are just not going to ever appreciate a woman and her feminine ways.  It might be because he is just not into that PARTICULAR woman, or it could be that they are narcissistic takers and won’t reciprocate with ANYONE in any relationship.  Bottom line is, if you want be treated well, then treat the other person well.  If they don’t respond in kind, DUMP THEM.  I love that quote you ended with “Women don’t have ‘nagging rights’, only ‘leaving’ rights”   Women should exercise the latter and not the former.
       
       

      1. 32.1.1
        JennLee

        I can agree with a lot of what Jodi is saying, and yet I can also say that the idea of never spending a significant portion of our money on a man is not right. You show me a man who has been with his woman for a few or more years, and wants a Harley, who isn’t going to be wildly appreciative if she buys him a Harley. But, Jodi did touch on the real problem with giving for some women. We compare and contrast things. We are bean counters. We ruin our thoughtful gift in some way buy bringing it up later as ammunition in an argument, or when pushing to have something our way. This is what turns men off. This is why some men may not be comfortable getting a gift of value from a woman. They likely see it as coming with strings attached. Like, what’s this going to cost me? But, if you make as much or nearly as much as he does, and never buy him anything of value, then he’s going to see that, and it’s likely going to come off as simply being selfish. The truth is, we are to an extent. We aren’t nearly as generous with money and gifts as men are, which is why we mess it up when we do give gifts of value. So, I think the idea is to learn to give a gift because we simply love and care about the person, and then realize that once the gift is given, you can never eve bring it up in a fight, or argument, or negotiation, because then it does come across in a negative way. You might as well not give the gift if you can’t resist doing those negative things. Give because you love the person, not because you want to use it as leverage to manipulate them. You can’t tell men to adapt too the new changes if you aren’t going to adapt too. We are not just the receivers. We demanded the right to equality. We demanded the right to equal pay. What good is it if we then demand to be treated like 19th century women who did not have money of their own? You can’t tell men to man up and get with the times when we aren’t doing it ourselves.

    2. 32.2
      starthrower68

      Jodi, I am curious, what are your thoughts on the man that expresses interest but leaves it up to the woman to do the calling and the traveling to see them? I think that puts her in the position of pursuing, and he can really just take it or leave it. Or is that an unreasonable assumption?

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