Why Do Guys Send Text Messages to Keep in Touch While Dating?
Pages: 1 2
Over the last several months, I have dated 3 men (not simultaneously) that I met on Match.com. They all seem to have one thing in common: after 2-4 dates, they like to touch base with me during the week by sending me text messages to my cell phone! Although I appreciate them thinking about me in the middle of the day, if we have gone out on several dates, at what point is it appropriate to expect a 5 minute phone call a few times a week? Is it too early in the dating process for phone contact? How are you supposed to progress the relationship if you never “touch-base” by actually speaking to one another? Is this typical of people you meet on line? Or, am I just old fashioned (39) and not used to this new aspect of dating?
Rikki
Dear Rikki,
You struck a chord with this email.
I HATE text messaging. I think it should be used exclusively for only a handful of things:
Letting someone know that you’re lost or running late.
Telling someone where you’re located in a crowded theater or bar.
Writing flirty or dirty notes to be provocative and naughty.
Everything else should be banned. I mean, email is bad enough. And I say this as a guy who lives by email. But anyone who’s ever used it knows how conversations can easily take a wrong turn. There’s no context, tone, voice, or facial expressions to modify your message. The next thing you know, you’re having a vicious argument that could have been easily avoided in person. Plus you have a transcript to commemorate it!
Texting is ten times worse. You’re encouraged to misspell, you’re discouraged from saying anything deep or meaningful. Essentially, texting is emailing for the lazy, illiterate and mobile. You send a text when you don’t want to talk to someone, but you want to let them know you’re thinking of them. And what can be more flattering than conveying, electronically, the idea that you DON’T want to talk to the woman you’re courting? Essentially, guys across America are saying, "Hey, babe. You’re not important enough to get five minutes of phone time. Please accept this weak form of communication and allow me to keep on sleeping with you."
Guys across America are saying, "Hey, babe. You’re not important enough to get five minutes of phone time. Please accept this weak form of communication and allow me to keep on sleeping with you."
And as long as you let them do it, they will continue to do it. Because texting is only enabled by the person who writes back to the text. If you don’t respond to texts, guess what? You’re letting him know that it’s a poor way to reach you.
Understand this about men: they will usually do the least that they can to maintain their relationship. So if he can text you at 11pm on Friday night after a week of silence and charm you with something like: "UR 2 hott! Cum over now?", well, you get what you deserve. But here’s the real problem: there are women everywhere who are complete suckers for this crap. Maybe it’s a low self esteem thing, but as long as some desperate girl lets him get away with it, he’ll always have a low-maintenance sexual outlet. Therefore, he’ll never feel the need to do all the heavy lifting of relationships such as "calling" and "dates"….
Continued on next page >>
Related Posts:
 |
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - Why He Disappeared is the perfect place to start. |
Do You Want to Attract the Partner of Your Dreams?
If so, sign up for my free dating and relationship newsletter and receive my free eBook, The 5 Massive Mistakes You're Making In Your Love Life - And How to Turn Them Around Instantly. Simple and effective advice to jumpstart your love life.
63 Comments »Filed Under Dating Tips & Advice, Sex & Relationship Advice
dadshouse 1
Now now, don’t hate on men – I’m a single guy who is dating, and women I meet text me all the time. It’s not a gender thing. It drove me crazy for some of the reasons you talked about – a 5 minute phone call is so much nicer, more respectful, more intimate. But then I realized it’s just modern times. It’s how Gen-Y communicates (I’m older than Gen-Y.) I finally decided to stop resisting it, and it doesn’t bother me anymore. I simply text back, happy and grateful to be in contact. It’s just another way to communicate. And if it leads to another date full of witty banter, scintillating conversation, and sexy flirtation – all the better.
Marc 2
You’re not important enough to get five minutes of phone time. Please accept this weak form of communication and allow me to keep on sleeping with you.
–Perfectly put! That’s exactly the message these guys are sending you, and the 5 other women they have on the hook who are falling for the “I’ll text you when I’m horny” routine.
Mike 3
“Essentially, texting is emailing for the lazy, illiterate and mobile.” I loved this since it is so accurate. My present GF got me into texting. I still don’t like it since I would rather talk to the person, but it is a great way to say, “I’m running late”. Like you said it’s a great indicator of how important you are.
Steve 4
Using email and texting past a certain point is like showing up for a date in sweat pants. A self respecting woman who wants to date a stand-up kind of guy should show such people the door.
My little moments in my day are precious. I keep my cell phone use limited to emergencies, calling for help when I’m lost, calling to say I will be late, or leaving it on for other people to do the same if I am to meet them.
I tell people I know this and I live by it. My time is not wasted with low grade communications.
Jes 5
Wow! I am so glad that you posted this!
I have dated these kinds of guys before and they drive me insane! Tone and inflection is so important! Great post Evan!
And guys, PICK UP THE PHONE!!!
We will respect you more!
Markus 6
I have to disagree with this whole “men will do the minimum” meme. If I like someone and am in a relationship with them I will want to keep in touch with them fairly frequently, incl. by phone. When I WILL be doing the minimum is when I wind up dating/talking to several women at once. It is as this point that I start getting tired of talking and even answering the phone so, yes, I will try to skate by a few days with texts to show I’m thinking of them.
m 7
“Now now, don’t hate on men”
What a way to start the week.
Now, I am NOT trying to start a fight here. I just want to know something.
Why is criticizing something — ANYTHING — EVER — that a man does, or that a lot of men have been observed doing, or that a lot of men do a LOT — ALWAYS characterized, by men, as “hating on men” or “male bashing”?
Even if it’s one of your own (rated #1 in his field, no less!) doing the criticizing??
After billing yourselves as the toughest, mightiest, roaringest things ever not to use forks — are y’all really — and after repeatedly jeering at us XXs for “not being able to hear criticism” or “not being able to take a joke” or “not having a sense of humor” — THAT sensitive??
vino 8
The whole text message/email as main form of communication for dating is done by both sexes. Both are equally culpable.
No matter who does it, she/she doesn’t really care enough to actually talk.
The man/woman communicating via text primarily is keeping textees as part of the bullpen rotation while they search for something better.
Actually, if you think about it you know where you stand if someone only communicates with you via text. They don’t like you very much.
dadshouse 9
My “don’t hate on men” comment was made because text messaging is a generational thing, not a gender thing. Women do it just as much as men.
Jill/Twipply Skwood 10
I sort of disagree a little. I mean, I agree that texting is no substitute for a phone call. And I’ll go with the flirty/dirty notes thing – that sounds fun. I’m not sure I could text and be lost at the same time, though I could probably text and be late at the same time. Well, later ’cause I’d have to stop to text…
But it’s nice to get a text out of nowhere. I mean, I’d still throw a giant temper tantrum if I don’t get a phone call TOO, but I almost never have time for a five minute phone call during the work day & even if it’s totally inadequate as a true form of connection, it still makes me absurdly happy to see a message on my phone when I check my phone during lunch break. OKAY!!!! So I’m pathetic. What can I say?
Jill/Twipply Skwood 11
Ok, what about a fourth reason – inconsequential little items you really wouldn’t waste a phone call on and most likely won’t discuss again? Like, “Hey I ran into Vern today.” (I really did run into Vern today & find it text-worthy, btw)
Steve 12
m;
After billing yourselves as the toughest, mightiest, roaringest things ever not to use forks are y all really and after repeatedly jeering at us XXs for not being able to hear criticism or not being able to take a joke or not having a sense of humor THAT sensitive??
I use forks.
downtowngal 13
I totally agree, txt should be used to supplement communication, not replace. I also notice it’s more common among younger guys (early 30′s or younger). Perhaps some women that age don’t mind as they’re used to it, but I think it’s a step backwards in evolution.
One big turnoff is when a guy asks me out – esp for a first date – via txt and doesn’t even bother to call or even email. Guys, if you really want to impress a woman, do it the old fashioned way and call.
Eda 14
I have a slightly different view of text messages. I think some guys text when they are not really certain if a woman likes them or if the woman wants to go out with them again. It’s a lot less painful to get turned down via text vs by phone.
I know some women don’t like test messaging, but I don’t think we should always attribute something negative to it, and I don’t think it automatically means a guy really isn’t that interested if he does text her instead of calling her. Also, let’s face it, sometimes women spend too much time talking about boring stuff that many guys just don’t want to listen to even if they really do like her.
Lance 15
On the subject of text messaging, I wouldn’t read to far into it. Women use texts at least as much as guys…I work around college students and I see the girls texting FAR more than guys when walking or sitting around. My pet peeve is women who text while working out at the gym. You’d never see a guy do that.
I do like EMK’s three reasons to text though, on point as usual. I find texting VERY useful for maintaining attraction after an initial meet or first date. Receiving little messages is like a treat and if you do it cleverly, if goes a long way.
Ashleigh 16
I once had a relationship where our only form of communication (other than face-to-face) was text messaging, since we both hated talking on the phone. I think he called me once or twice and I called him several times only to get a text back. He actually got upset when I asked him to call me from time to time because I was getting weary of that medium! Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last long. So thank you for posting this… I hope many men read this and get the point. I do think you need to post something on how to properly communicate through electronic means, though. For instance, how often should a person call another person.
Jes 17
First and Foremost let me say, I am not a man hater! Ok now that it is out of the way…
“One big turnoff is when a guy asks me out – esp for a first date – via txt and doesn’t even bother to call or even email. Guys, if you really want to impress a woman, do it the old fashioned way and call.”
Been there… should have realized that it was going to go no where… But seriously, pick up the phone, its decent human courtesy!
“I hope many men read this and get the point. I do think you need to post something on how to properly communicate through electronic means, though. For instance, how often should a person call another person.”
Evan, I would like to know the answer to this one… There are so many rules out there… and they cancel each other out most of the time… so what are the acceptable forms of social communication?
Kay 18
I love to text. It’s great when you’re at work and can’t be on your phone, or if you’re busy and you want to touch base but don’t want to get stuck in a full on conversation. One beautiful man I met on YP texts me every morning “Good Morning Beautiful Lady” I send him back “Good Morning Handsome” it makes me very happy, and he starts my busy day off with a smile. Once I had a bad experience with an email I sent to a guy that he took very negatively, but I didn’t mean it that way at all so I understand what is meant by not being able to hear tone thru text but sometimes it’s easier to say things that you wouldn’t be brave enough to say over the phone. If a guy is shy, or if a girl can’t talk dirty, a text or even an email is the way to go. Some of the guys I’ve met are so anti text it’s funny, so with them we talk, others love it and we’ll text all day long. My friends and family like text messaging too. If my best friend gets into a fight with her husband, she vents thru text so he doesn’t hear her, and if we are frustrated at work, or hear some good gossip, text away. Also, if you don’t like text messaging or contact via email, just be honest and say so, but I think that any form of communication is acceptable as long as it’s mutual. As for me, I’m all for it.
JB 19
Texting and emailing instead of talking on the phone or in person are just more barriers that people hide behind to avoid true intimacy.
I’m not talking about an occasional quick note or email. I’m talking about people that text or email several times a day instead 1 good phone conversation.
Texting…yet again - from the male perspective this time « DelightfulEccentric’s Weblog 20
[...] again – from the male perspective this time I couldn’t resist. Check out this post from The #1 Rated Dating and Relationship Blog on the [...]
hunter 21
to lance,
College girls text? College girls do things most women don’t do later in their lives…
Lance 22
@Hunter: Text messaging is a relatively new communication mode in the US…maybe really prevalent in the last 3-4 years. If that? Those college girls, of which there are hundreds of thousands, will soon be working professionals. And they’ll still be texting long after they graduate. Just like we kept emailing and using cell phones after our generation got out of college (assuming you’re roughly my age).
Anyway, my point was text abuse isn’t gender specific, it’s just as widespread among the fairer sex. This is my response to the general guys-suck-at-real-communication sentiment going on around here, which I think is a bit off-base.
Selena 23
I was probably the last person in America to get a cell phone (last month) so I don’t know yet whether I will hate texting or not. I’d like it might have to do with quality of the message. “Hey there beautiful-thinking of you” would go better than “How ru”. The former is sweet, the latter boring.
Damie 24
I couldn’t disagree with you text haters more. I text everyone throughout the day, even my parents in their 50s. I don’t think it’s a barrier towards real intimacy. I think it’s for real people who have other things going on in their lives and they don’t have the time to get into a lengthy conversation over every single thought. I agree that it is not a substitute for phone or in-person contact. But those of you who say dating men who use texting don’t really like you are being silly. I think people have preferences towards modes of communication. Texting is great because it can be done almost anywhere, it’s discreet, and it is super quick. I’d much rather save phone or in-person time for those conversations that really matter, and save the “Did you want anything from the store?” conversations for a quick text. Oh, and I love the girl’s response about sending “Good Morning Beautiful”s and “Good Mornign Handsome”s. My fiancee and I do the same thing and it always makes me happy, too.
Jeannie 25
In defense of TMing men – I’m 43 (so it ain’t just a college girl thing) and a single mom whose day job is rebuilding war torn hellholes. And I’m blessed with lots of great friends and have the good fortune to own my own home. But what that all translates into is I do not have even a mere 5 minutes to talk on the phone. I am grateful for men who let me know they are thinking about me via other means than the phone.
LV 26
Some time ago, I got annoyed when a guy texted me to cancel our date for that evening (which would have been our second date).
Many of my friends felt that I shouldn’t have been annoyed — their feeling was, it’s simply just another form of communication. I thought it was lazy and inconsiderate, and never went out with that guy again.
Erika 27
I also disagree with the text haters. I met my current SO online. On our first date I made a comment about how boring some of my dates were. I said, “I know I’m not interested when I start talking about the horrors of L.A. traffic, trying to find a parking spot in Koreatown, or the weather.” A few days later I was on a date with another guy, and in the middle of the date my (now) SO texted me, “So, are you talking about the weather, parking, or traffic?” It was so funny that I thought about him all evening. My date didn’t stand a chance!
Flash forward a few weeks later. I’ve gone to Northern Michigan to go to my dad’s retirement party. My guy texts me all weekend long with these cute little notes.
From then on, I became a convert.
But of course while I was dating my guy in the beginning I was dating two other fellas. One guy did exactly as Rikki described. I didn’t take guy #2 seriously because of it, but I didn’t let the texting bother me. After a few weeks I started to date my boyfriend exclusively, and I forgot about guy #2. About two months later guy #2 texts me. “What are u doin 2nite?” I told him that I had met someone special and I was pursuing that.
His response was hilarious.
“I guess I’m not the special one.”
Then he sent, “Was it because I’m too distant?”
Julia 28
I actually had text messaging disabled on my phone because guys I was meeting online would text me instead of calling me. Dudes, when I give you my phone number, I expect a PHONE CALL. If you want to write, send me an email.
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t object to the small notes Evan mentions or even the “hello beautifuls” of an established relationship, but many of the people I’ve met seem to use it even when other forms of communication would be more appropriate. (One guy even tried to have an in-depth political conversation via texting! Thanks, but no thanks.)
I don’t think it’s a gender thing, though – I have several female friends who abuse the texting medium as well – I think it’s more of a “this is easy for me” thing.
JerseyGirl 29
I’m on the fence with this one. I think texts can make you think of the person and be cute and fun. But I do hate when guys use it as a major form of communication. It’s lazy and a little cowardly in that context.
Sorry I Made DadGoneMad Madder « Dad’s House 30
[...] not shy about making my voice heard. When Dating Expert Evan Marc Katz advised that men who text-message women instead of calling them are lazy, and women deserve better than to be treated like that I objected and commented that text [...]
Gina 31
Urgh, texts! LOL
Actually, it seems that both genders are guilty of this. However, I’ve experienced more men using text messages as a form of communication. I was at a Comedy Club and the Comedian made a comment about woman texting! I think the problem is with all this technology today, yes it can be fast and easy but when it translates into getting to know someone initally, that usually is not the most effective way to build a relationship. I agree with Evan about ways to communicate on text. Of course if it’s done in moderation between getting to know eachother on phone and perhaps a few texts “Good Morning, Meet me at 7, I’m on the 2nd table in the Restauarant”… etc…etc… is fine. I’ve actually thought about disabling my text messages but the truth is they are good ways to get a fast way to communicate through if you need something quick and to the point to say. Anyways, I’ve thought about it and yes I’ve responded back to men who’ve texted me and had a little bit of conversation on it. I guess I’m slowely getting used to the fact that people text and it shouldn’t be taken personally. However realistically I’m not taken someone as seriously at that point and it’s like the book “You’re just not that into him either” when it comes to responding back and making quick chat. If I really was interested in a man it would be that he was making more of an effort. And, thinking about it not going to be responding back to anymore texts!! LOL
Hot Alpha Female 32
hmmm great post and interesting comments. I would have to say that texting is ok. Its good to keep the contact going. BUT if you want to arrange a date or something. Then just bloody pick up the fone and give the chick a call. It looks way more assertive and confident than fart assing around with your fone for the next hour texting back and forth!
Hot Alpha Female
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
D. 33
I once dated a guy that only wanted to communicate through texting. I texted with him for 4 hours straight on more than one occasion. After the second time I did that, I slapped myself silly and dropped the bum. What the Hell? Looking back on it now, that was the most retarded thing to do. Any man that wants to text you 4 hours straight but not talk to you by phone is an a*s hole….and I was just plain silly for going along with it..
ariel 34
all guys i met and dated form these online dating wedsite, only text. and they were all players. so i have this conclusion:
ariel 35
all guys i met and dated form these online dating wedsite, only text. and they were all players. so i have this conclusion: guys who only text u = players
BM 36
Wow Evan…I read this and got my answer to a question i sent in. lol
This post was soo close to the texting truth my eyes were glued reading and laughing too.I mean people who text generally can’t be bothered talking. I Aways text if i dont want to or cant speak to someone.
Your reasons: I HATE text messaging. I think it should be used exclusively for only a handful of things:
*Letting someone know that you’re lost or running late.
*Telling someone where you’re located in a crowded theater or bar.
*Writing flirty or dirty notes to be provocative and naughty.
I loved the Nothing will turn off a guy faster than: I HATE TEXTING. IF YOU THINK THAT LITTLE OF ME, GO TAKE A HIKE, DOUCHEBAG! as i could see alot of angry women doing that one lol.
Hey, babe. You’re not important enough to get five minutes of phone time. Please accept this weak form of communication and allow me to keep on sleeping with you.
I couldnt have put that any better myself.This artical rocked i wont be forgetting it anytime soon.
Thank you
Kathleen 37
Alas, I am here to share my horrid experience with a text-cloaked guy. Three months of casual gym time, one airport run and compensatiory dinner and movie for the airport run…never had one phone conversation with him on the phone. He even went so far as to suggest (via email) we see a Broadway show. I accepted. Last straw was yesterday. I “called” him live, ON THE PHONE, and left a message seeing if he’d like to go work out today. LO AND BEHOLD!!! He texted me back an invite to run instead. After initially accepting, I sat down and emailed him that his choosing to respond to my phone call via text sent a huge message. Told him to have a good run and a good day. AND, no, I don’t think I rate important enough on his last for him to give me phone time.
blog-thing : Sorry I Made ‘Dad Gone Mad’ Madder 38
[...] not shy about making my voice heard. When Dating Expert Evan Marc Katz advised that men who text-message women instead of calling them are lazy, and women deserve better than to be treated like that I objected and commented that text [...]
Shalini 39
I feel that using text is not a good way to communicate as calling and speaking is easier than using your fingers to type specially when you want to show emotions.. Its frustrating to do that through a text!!
If you really want to date someone i feel its better to talk than text coz that’s what you are going to do on a date!! How do you expect to spend good time with a guy with whom you cant hold on a conversation for ten minutes.. how else do you know whether on a date you will actually be able to talk or not!? For some reason i have never been attracted to any guy who depends on messages to talk to me! I just reply to them when i am getting really bored. And i never talk to my boyfriend through messages except to tell him i miss him!!
michael 40
Lets face it, if we called the girl, she wouldnt answer anyway, or is already on the phone with one of her girlfriends, her mother, or another person. Once you finally get her on the phone, she doesnt let you go, and then you get this huge bill and wonder who did it. ILL STICK WITH TEXTS thank you.
Greg 41
Have to disagree to a certain extent – texts have many useful facets. For example, I would feel uncomfortable calling a girl during the day because she might be busy, with friends, etc and would feel obliged to answer and not to hang up, but it might yet be a bad time (and vice versa her with me). Texts are great in this scenerio because you can read them at your own leisure and reply whenever you get a chance (not to mention you can keep a text conversation going while in the company of others too and not be the rude one who leaves the room for 15 mins because you want a bit of privacy in your phonecall).
Often times I get the “best of both worlds” by starting off with a couple of texts, and if the girl is replying pretty quickly and it is obvious that it is a good time for her then I often just ring and pick up the conversation from there.
A girl 42
I don’t see the big deal about this. Some people don’t like talking on the phone (I’m one of them). Talking about inconsequential shit like “Oh, I TOTALLY hooked up with so-and-so last night.” on the phone not only consumes my time but make me really uncomfortable. Unless it’s business…everyone knows that texting me is the way to get a hold of me.
Oh, and as far as guys “disrespecting” girls because they text as opposed to picking up the phone…that is such B.S. I think when there is someone that I’m thinking about during the day and we’re both busy there’s nothing more sweet than “Hello! I hope you’re having a nice day!” It’s not intrusive, I don’t have to stop everything I’m doing to talk, and it shows the other person is thinking of you. I prefer it. I don’t think it’s a sign of laziness, just a sign of the times.
downtowngal 43
A girl, I think what Evan’s referring to is when people text INSTEAD of calling. I share Rikki’s frustration. If you’re in a committed relationship with someone for a couple of months and the ONLY way he wants to communicate is via text, it’s kind of a let down. How are people supposed to forge relationships and grow closer if they don’t even bother to make the effort?
If a guy calls me to check in, it tells me he’s truly intersted in how things are going in my life and makes me feel closer to him. It’s making time for each other and doesn’t have to be in the middle of the day. Txt messages don’t achieve the same goal.
If you don’t have time to speak to someone on the phone, then honestly you may not be ready to make the time for a relationship.
Bill Thompson 44
I had an hour long conversation with someone on text when it was after nine and a five or ten minute conversation would be free. This girl that I met online claims to really really like me, but I find this to be agitating. I think texting someone instead of calling them is a form of hard-to-get for the 21st century. I actually see it as a major red flag that a woman/man can’t pick up a phone and talk for 5 minutes that they might be socially inept possibly? WOMEN PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL US AND WE’LL RESPECT YOU MORE!!!!!
zendba 45
Great article, and terrific insight. I personally was dealing with a “gexter”, that would be “girl texter”….I viewed her texting instead of phoning as a major red flag. What I didn’t know was how to deal with it . Decided to go with the odds that she is full of crap, and she is basically lying about her interest level by substituting text messages for voice calls… I now no longer respond to her text messages ( hilarious that she texts me asking why I haven’t texted her back ) If she actually does call ( which I doubt will happen ), I’m going to lie to her and tell her that I’m not getting all of my text messages, and have spoken to Verizon about it, and they don’t know why. I’ll of course tell her that she should call me instead of texting, to make sure we don’t miss her messages. Now of course I agree 100% this is childish, and totally resent having to resort to such tactics, but you know what….All is fair in love & war, and being honest in the adult dating game in your 40′s is like fighting with both your hands behind your back. And really what am I going to do ? Tell the person that is texting me instead of calling me that it is an uacceptable level of primary communication ? Maybe I should also explain to her that it is easier to breath without a plastic bag over your head. What I don’t need is someone that I need to educate on proper manners & common courtesy.
Excellent article…I hope my experience helps someone else.
Jessica 46
I really think it has to do with a age not gender. I am 25 yrs old and the fact that I text somebody does not mean I like them more or less. It just means I am thinking of you and can’t have a conversation right now cause I am BUSY! Which is actually good because eventhough I am busy at work or wherever it means I am thinking of that person and going the extra mile to communicate with them.. If you don’t like it then tell the other person and be honest about it.. STOP PLAYING GAMES period!
Gina 47
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that finds it revolting to receive text messages from someone I’ve been seeing for 9 mos. Yes, he’s the IT manager for some big company but it’s no excuse. He’s 56 yrs old. C’mon. Way past GEN Y. It’s cute to get a “thinking about you” text in the middle of the day but a phone call would intensify the intimacy level a hundred times more and make a woman feel so special instead of a text. I told him.
Texters and emailers remind me of all the men that attempted to cheat on their wives or girlfriends by being “my friend” and amusing themselves with a “secret” friend they can text. It happens a lot and when I start to see this pattern I tell them so and stop responding to their emails or text. I hate that…..So guys, don’t pretend to ask a female for her email because you “want to keep in touch”. Fix your problems with your current partner first before insuring that you will have someone waiting for you. Don’t worry, you’ll find that someone. It’s not a big deal but don’t cheat.
Prerna 48
I disagree with the article…especially when it says that guys dont think of you and ONLY want to get into your pants when they text you instead of calling. My bf and I have been together for a year and a half and its been a 80:20 ratio to text and calling. It only means we have our own different lives and do different things but still take out time for each other to send a small text all through the day. Especially, with the new Black Berry messenger thing, its so quick if both of you have a blackberry, you can even get to know if the other person has read your text or not! Yeah, sure I would be mad if the relationship was based only on texting but if you see each other everyday or a couple times in the week and talk on the phone when you really want to, then its not like you have too much to talk on the phone. With texting, you can even send a quick and spontaneous thought about what you were thinking and what you are doing. Wouldnt it be too suffocating if your partner called you like every hour saying what he/she just thought about and is so eager to share it with you? I say, that too much of everything is not good either. So if a relationship is only based on texting then somethings wrong but it wont hurt either to text everyday and talk a couple of times a week apart from the time you spend with each other physically.
hamsterdance 49
If a guy calls me instead of texting he’s very likely to get my voicemail, and that irritates me because it takes longer to check voicemail and if I’m in a noisy area (like work) I can’t hear it well. I’d much rather he just text me.
I also have great conversations in person but find talking on the phone diffucult. I have a hard time understanding many people if I can’t read their lips.
nikki T 50
Well i must say i got a guy i met like about 3 weeks ago and we had sex the 3rd day from the day we met (my choice) because thats what i wanted to do with him all alone, (i approached him first by the way), anyway the first day we met we talked on the phone for like 3 hours, and 2 days later i met him at a bar and later that night we did it and he only still text me, but even in person he really doesn’t have that much to say (but blush) and he told me he was shy because whenever i leave the room he text me. actually we only talked on the phone like 3 times these 3 weeks we’ve been communicating, but hey i don’t want no relationship with him, look i said all this to say just cause a guy would rather text you instead of call doesn’t really mean that he is just not that into you, he could just be shy, young, not really a phone person, or a complete clown, but in my case he’s shy cause after we had sex he texted me “will i still call him tomorrow and how was it” and he’s been texting me every since, i think he want to sex me again but just don’t know how to ask me………..LOL
April Braswell 51
Hi Evan,
I am already ROFL. Don’t you find that there are differences between the Millenials aka Generation Text folks who simply live on the cell phone texting vs. the folks over, say, like 30 years old whose natural inclination is to actually (gasp) SPEAK to one another? I hear both men and women complain about this and also say something akin to, hey, what’s the big deal? I am totally giggling now. The men think the woman is “high maintenance” because he texted her, “Hey.” Like it was a life altering massively connecting phrase. Yet really it left forming a conversation completely up to her, didn’t it?
I have both of your books and think you are marvelous.
Mazel tov
April Braswell
David 52
Excuse me, everyone.
I’m an 18 year old guy. From what I read most of you are older than that, one generation ahead of me.
That’s fine, but I think you should know what people my age think of texting.
We prefer it. It’s more convenient. The reason is not because we are less “intimate” and don’t want to talk on the phone — we do. We like talking to each other as much as the next person. However, texting allows you to communicate at times when no other form of communication is socially acceptable.
For instance, while AT work, or while in class, or a meeting, etc. There are numerous examples. I have a roommate. While he’s asleep, I can text my girlfriend instead of calling her, which would disturb both her roommate and mine.
We’re mobile people, as well. Much of the time, I’m walking down the street when my girlfriend calls. It’s often so noisy that it’s not worth trying, yelling at each other over the phone. Texting is easier, and if you get to know how to use it more extensively, you will get better at reading tone, inflection, etc in the text. And you will develop your own style.
I can tell if it’s not my girlfriend texting me, but someone on her phone. It’s actually really easy to read her “voice.”
And why talk on the phone so often when you can just see one another in person? This is obviously superior. There are so many things about talking on the phone that are problematic. You are often distracted by what’s happening in front of you, or there is noise or interference, or the poor sound quality on phones in general or your girlfriends quiet voice make it hard to communicate. A text is written there for you to read, and even to analyze. You don’t have to respond RIGHT away. You can finish writing this paragraph and THEN text back. Perhaps that’s what appeals to us most about texting. You can have a conversation with someone you like/love at the same time you are doing something else.
My two cents.
Orl 53
How old are you people?, 50?, sending a text message to tell that you care for someone it is not lazy communication.
Jane Doe 54
I think the major details were left out…like how old were these guys and did she sleep with them on the 2-4 dates. As a 36 year old woman who had the exact same thing happen with 4 men 30 and under over the course of one year, I will say this…they are looking for entertainment, to keep it casual and to not lead you on. If they wanted a "relationship", they would make plans, set dates and call. If you want to "date", my recommendation would be to not give out your number, and just set up a date. If he does not ask you out on your next date, consider it over. If a guy is into you, he'll want to know when "next time" will be. Don't make yourself so available.
Tina 55
I live in a country where the language is not my first language. And while I LOVE phone calls, I am so much more comfortable with texts – while I’m fluent in the local language more or less, it’s hard to understand people on the phone and I get insecure about being able to talk without looking the person in the eye. Text messages really help because I can make sure I understand and respond well.
Ami 56
I think this person has it right, “With texting, you can even send a quick and spontaneous thought about what you were thinking and what you are doing. Wouldnt it be too suffocating if your partner called you like every hour saying what he/she just thought about and is so eager to share it with you? I say, that too much of everything is not good either. So if a relationship is only based on texting then somethings wrong but it wont hurt either to text everyday and talk a couple of times a week apart from the time you spend with each other physically.”
Lolpk567 57
Actually, you dont need to call, you can txt, why? Well, they may be trying to save minutes, they could be in a place where they cant talk/hear you very well, and lastly, they could be too embarrassed to call, cus they can be out in public most of the time, im a person whos like this, so look at the possibilities of why he might need/prefer to txt you… If you pressure him to call, he will be going out of comfort zone, you dont want that cus all sorts of things could happen. so plz. do us a favour and just suck it up…. You will feel better later on…
Lolpk567 58
Oh and some guys are too nervous to make the first call if on a dating site, so dont assume theyre all players. one. because you could miss out on a great guy, two, because that makes you a asshole…. I made my point, flaming me will do you nothing but getting the FBI called on you… Good Day Sirs/Madams
sayanta 59
Am I the only woman in the world who prefers texting to the phone? Seriously, when a guy says he’s going to call, I’m, like, uh-oh- but if I get a text, I’m relieved…lol- does this mean I have issues?
For the record, even with friends, I generally prefer either meeting in person or texting/e-mail. THere’s very very few people I’m comfortable talking on the phone with.
Shay 60
Nope, sayanta. You’re not alone. I prefer meeting them in person, text or msn.
I don’t talk on the phone except to check if the person I’m meeting is on the way to our meeting place or we got lost in the crowd. Or call back to see if there’s dinner at home. Something like that.
Shay 61
Oh, and I freaked out this afternoon when a guy called me to ask me how’s my day and tried to ask me out. Specially when I have no interest to see him at all.
Goldie 62
I looked through the comments in disbelief till I found #25 and nodded in agreement. I’m the same age as Jeannie #25, a recently divorced mother of two teenage kids, with a full-time job, parents living nearby, a dog, and a house that the kids and I have just moved into, plus some hobbies, friends and social life. To be honest, regular phone calls from a guy, with zero minutes notice, would probably feel like a leash and a collar to me. “Hi, I’m Joe, please drop everything you’re doing so we can chat. Repeat daily.” This, to me, is no different from Joe dropping by my house unannounced on a regular basis, because he misses me and wants to talk. Like someone above said… suffocating.
Maybe this has something to do with the fact that, for the first thirty years of my life, I didn’t have a phone at home, and we only used the pay phone for emergencies. Or maybe my sons just got me used to texting.
Or maybe that, for my phone plan, unlimited texting is way way cheaper than unlimited minutes, and I can afford one but not the other.
Either way, like many others on this thread, I don’t consider texting rude or lazy. To me, it’s rather a way of giving the other person enough space while still staying in touch.
ricky 63
its just a different efficient way of communication.. i would text my girl just to say that i miss her or if there is any changes in plans we made to meet in the evening for eg after we just discuss it over the phone… when im at work and busy, i would rather send a quick text regarding sumthing rather than callin.. it doesn’t mean that she aint worth me calling her.. its just different circumstances ppl might be in..
there are definitely other ways of finding out if a guy is genuinely interested in you rather then raising your eyebrows and saying “oooh” when you receive a txt from your guy.. lol..
take a chill pill ladies.. dont think too hard..