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I have been online dating for about two months and it’s been so-so thus far. My problem is deciding how to list my body type. I’m 5’3″ and an hourglass-ish size 10, so while I’m not obese, I’m definitely not “athletic and toned.” I chose pictures that I think accurately show this.
Anyway, at first I listed myself as “A few pounds extra” thinking it was an honest description. Well, two male co-workers were talking about online dating and mentioned that they’d never contact a girl that was in that class or “curvy”, because any time they’d met one in the past, she’d been much heavier than in her pictures.
I’m wondering if this is why guys will view me a lot, but won’t make contact. The guys who have made contact have been people that I probably would not have dated normally, i.e., no steady job or just a little odd.
On the next episode of Online Mythbusters, we will learn:
- Why women don’t list their true weights or body types!
- Why men avoid “curvy” women!
- Why men look at you and don’t write to you!
- Why odd men with no jobs contact you!
You have to be asking yourself – is it REALLY in my best interests to tell the truth if 95% of guys are going to dismiss me for doing so?
The good news, Nicci, is that all of the answers can be derived from the same exact technique – flipping things over to consider the other person’s point of view.
Let’s start with you, because a) you wrote me the note, and b) you’re an online dating anomaly – an honest size 10 who doesn’t claim to be athletic and toned.
However, after talking to your male co-workers and observing that you’re not being contacted, you have to be asking yourself – is it REALLY in my best interests to tell the truth if 95% of guys are going to dismiss me for doing so? This is the online dating dilemma that faces MILLIONS of people each day. If I’m a 5’4” man, I know that it’s going to be hard to get a date if I tell the truth. If I’m a 50-year-old man who makes less than $30,000/year, I’m going to be somewhat handicapped. And few people face more discrimination than women in their 50’s and 60’s, who only seem to get email from men who are MUCH older.
Most of these people are good people – and yet they give in to the temptation to lie. Why? Because telling the truth is a FAILING strategy. This is the explanation for why women don’t tell the truth about their bodies. Simply put, there’s very little reward for having integrity. At the very least, heavier women (like shorter men) feel that if they can convince someone to go out with them, they’d have a chance in person….
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