The Single Best Place to Meet Quality Guys

The Single Best Place to Meet Quality Guys This morning, I took a peek at the questions coming into my blog. There I found eight questions all saying the same thing:

“Where is the best place to meet a quality, relationship-oriented man? I’m really open to everything you say, Evan, but I never meet any good men!”

I hear ya.

It’s certainly frustrating to want to prioritize your love life, but not have the opportunity to meet any new men on a day-to-day basis.

This lack of opportunity, above all, is the main reason that you’re not in love now.

It’s not because you’re terrible with men.

It’s not because you have nothing to offer.

The reason you’re single is simply that you haven’t met the right guy – and yet you have no idea where he’s coming along.

I’ve only got one word for you, my friend.

Match.com

Before you tune out or run away screaming, hear me out.

Because this isn’t just my opinion. This is fact.

As opinionated as I am, I’m always open to the possibility of being proven wrong.

I hope you are, too.

Did you hear that? That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.

Because studies show that facts don’t actually matter when you have a deeply held opinion.

That’s right.

If I told you that 2 + 2 = 4, but you believe that 2 + 2 = 5, no amount of evidence can make you change your mind. In fact, any evidence that I provide that contradicts you is only going to make you believe in your original premise more.

Fascinating, isn’t it?

Yes, you’re hardwired to be stubborn and, as such, you can easily fall victim to “the confirmation bias”, which seeks out information which only reaffirms what you already believe (biting my tongue on the obvious Fox News joke…)

So, if you have dated online and discovered the following:

• Men sometimes lie.
• Men often flake out.
• Men are poor at marketing themselves.
• Men are stupid, sexual and visual.
• The wrong men write to you. The right men don’t.

I wouldn’t be able to argue with any of this.

And if you concluded that, because of those observations, you weren’t inclined to try online dating again, you’d have plenty of evidence to support yourself.

But, in writing off online dating you’d be making a massive mistake. Here’s why:

In the past three years, 17% of all married couples met through online dating.

This is more than TWICE the number of couples who met through bars, clubs, and other social events.

Did you hear that?

That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.

Don’t fight it.

Now, to be fair, 38% of marriages came from work and school. And 27% came through a friend or family member.

So clearly that must mean that those are “better” ways of meeting…

Not so fast.

How many people have a job or go to school? About 100%

How many people have friends and family? About 100%

How many people are paying for online dating sites at a given time? Maybe 5%.

What this illustrates is that, proportionally, 5% of the population (online daters) accounts for 17% of the marriages in the past 3 years.

Which goes to show that the people who are dating online are finding love at a significantly higher rate than people who rely on workplace romance or set-ups.

“So what?!” you might say to yourself, still unconvinced. “I dated online and HATED it! That should mean something!”

Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.

Yes. Yes it does. It means you have a deep-seated bias against online dating, so that anything I say which contradicts you is just going to irk you more.

Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.

So let’s keep on going with your other misconceptions about online dating:

You dated online for 3 months and didn’t find love? Makes sense. You’ve been in love 3 times in 40 years – why would you think you should it in 90 days on JDate?

You’ve noticed that men tend to disappear in the middle of emailing? Consider: have YOU ever disappeared in the middle of emailing a man because you found other men you liked better? I thought so.

You think that men misrepresent their height or age? Yep. And so do women. Maybe even you. It’s not because you have no integrity or are a congenital liar. It’s because men and women both discriminate based on looks and age, and you merely want to be given an opportunity to meet.

You don’t want to pay so much for a service that yields no results? Go out for one night of drinks and appetizers with your girlfriends. You just spent more than an entire month on Match.com and you didn’t meet any guys either.

You think that 90% of men online are “wrong” for you. You’re right. But so are 90% of men in bars, on buses, or in Starbucks. If you have high standards, MOST men are not going to be to your liking.

So if 90% of all men aren’t even first-date worthy, where is the place where you have access to the greatest number of men?

You got it: Match.com.

Listen, I’m no Pollyanna. I’m not a corporate shill for the online dating industry. I don’t think your negative experience in online dating is silly.

I’m just a dating coach who specializes in helping women meet, connect with, and understand men.

But all the dating advice in the world is useless if you’re not actually dating regularly!

If you’ve resisted online dating because of your preconceived notions about how it is, I assure you, it’s because you’ve never tried it my way.

I usually don’t plug products here, but please, do yourself a favor and check out my audio series, Finding the One Online. It’s literally EVERYTHING I know about online dating, with a 180 page transcript, a 35 page workbook and 7 hours of coaching with the same exact information that my private clients get on the phone.

Most importantly, it will forever change the way you connect with men online.

I look forward to hearing your success stories.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Zaneeta

    Does match.com pay to promote them :-) or do you think it is the best of all of the options.  What about the others like Plenty of Fish or e-Harmony?
     

    1. 1.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Match.com definitely does NOT pay me to promote them. It’s just a big brand name placeholder for online dating and I do actually prefer it as a mainstream site. Plenty of Fish is like the flea market – lots more low quality options, people looking for a very important service but unwilling to pay anything for it, but there is enough volume that you could find a diamond in the rough. And eHarmony requires no skill and doesn’t allow much choice – but it has the best compatibility model and the highest price point, so it’s for the most relationship-oriented people, not folks just looking to get laid. The point is that it doesn’t matter which website you’re on – if you’re not meeting enough quality people in real life, dating online is a resource that you MUST utilize.

    2. 1.2
      Claire

      I beg to differ. I’m currently on match.com and although I’ll say that there are plenty of men on the site. About 1/2 are looking for women in their 20s and 30s, many are just looking for an ego boost and not willing to date in person.
       
      the others are newly divorced  Or separated and just getting back into dating so they don’t know how to date. They’re really good at flirting and emailing and liking but rarely does it turn into s real date. not to mention the fake profiles, lewd creeps and men who lied about their age or physical appearance. I got s few days off the site but many of them were duds who were just looking to get sex or get their feet wet after a divorce 

      online dating can be a way to get practice talking to men, but I wouldn’t say it’s the single place to do so. They say 1 in 5 relationships start in online dating but those aren’t good odds if you do the math. Men hide behind technology and and I’ve found that match is no better than any of the others. I’ve been on pof okcupid whistling black people meet, interracial singles and it’s all pretty much the same.

      the best wat to meet quality men are through friends, places of worship , volunteering, and things where you meet in person. I find men are more invested in you if they don’t have the mindset of you bring easily dusmissed because he has a lot of profiles to go through and choose another one 

      Also yo match I do like the stir events but I’ve met more women as they hardly had enuf men attending. Also those that did attend just weren’t quality 

      1. 1.2.1
        Kath

        Claire 
        I agree

        Ive given online a good shot but going forward Im going to focus on the gym and meeting contacts in my new job.
        Match isnt a good site for women over 50 because it is probably the site where there is most emphasis on age as a criteria . Although I generally get a lot of contact for a woman my age the quality of guys is generally poor for the amount of time I have to sort through all the mail and mindless texts . 

        The lack of accountability of late with these guys for very poor behavior seems to have escalated and Ive begun to find it threatening .  

        Evans advice has always been a huge asset in managing the online resource and maximizing my effectiveness so If you are going to do it Id recommend his book  

      2. 1.2.2
        Evan Marc Katz

        Okay, Claire, so how many dates have you had in the past year that have resulted from “friends, places of worship , volunteering, and things where you meet in person”?

        1. ScottH

          I’ve been dating for ~3 years since my divorce and the most discouraging thing for me is finding the same people over and over on the different dating sites.  It’s almost like I’ve run out of new people to meet.  I did have a relationship with someone I met through a mutual friend, and many first and second and third dates from online dating sites.  Don’t forget that meetups are a great way (probably better than the dating sites) to meet people.  I would definitely recommend getting involved with some of the meetup groups.  And they are essentially free.  

  2. 2
    Bernita

    I have to agree Online dating gives you more opportunities to meet than you might in your everyday life. I think it’s how it’s presented. Not everyone is going to get tons of emails and go out on a date every night. Some may but that was not my experience.
    I followed your program Evan for online dating and your book. I was on match.com for 6 months. I averaged meeting one man a month. I had put myself out there more than ever, meaning contacting the men Online. I found many would not respond or it never got past a first email.
    I did meet someone and we dated for about 10 weeks. In the mean time I let my subscription expire to Match. Since that relationship ended I feel a little burnt out and am taking a brake from the whole scene with the intention of jumping back in after the first of the year.
     
    Thanks for all the advice it has given me hope.

  3. 3
    Goldie

    Match is a good place to start, because it is so mainstream, everybody’s on it. But it won’t work for everybody. My 6 months subscription would have expired this coming weekend, except that I have already canceled it. I bought FTOO, filled out the worksheet, had a professional photo taken, did everything by the book. Got a good number of emails, dates etc. Met a few cool people that I still stay in touch with. However in general, for my age group and my location, the site did not work for me. Most people I met were not good matches for me intellectually. They freaked me out because there was nothing to talk about, and I freaked them out because I was foreign. I only met one guy in all my months on Match that I felt I could carry a conversation with, but it didn’t work out very well. I latched on to him because he was the first person with a brain I’d met on Match. Wasn’t sure about dating him, but at least wanted to stay in touch as I didn’t know whether there were any other available smart guys in my area. And he played me in a pretty bad way. The next day after he said to “just be friends”, I opened an account on OK Cupid. I’d actually heard about that site a few weeks before at a (embarrassing fact coming up) Mensa annual gathering. A guy I’d talked to, told me that OKC was known to work better than Match for “people like us”. It worked for me. I got less mail there than I had on Match, but it was 99% quality mail from people I had no problem getting a connection with. I had a great time on the site just chatting and getting to know people, made a ton of good friends, signed up for a book club, learned the proper running technique… and got off the site last week due to having met someone. Not sure how it’ll work out, but I guess I owe Evan a success story :)
     
    My two problems with Match is, one, for a single parent, it’s too darn expensive. Two, you get so used to getting mail and going out with, well, down-to-earth average guys who aren’t interested in anything other than grilling, watching sports, and mowing the lawn, that a man with just a little above-average intelligence, who’s read a book in the past year, will sweep you off your feet by comparison. 
     
    I kid you not, BTW, mowing the lawn was a frequent date-conversation subject on Match.
     
    Anyway if and when I go back online, I’ll probably start with OKC this time. I was on POF last year and cannot recommend it to anyone. I have two good friends that met there, but they’re an exception. I completely agree that online in general is the right way to go. Meetup.com works to an extent, but things can get pretty awkward. I spent many a hiking meetup walking at the front of the group at about 5 miles per hour, trying to get away from a 67 year old who wanted to date.
     
    BTW I don’t recommend the professional photo, at least in my neck of woods it tends to get a weird reaction – people don’t know what to think of it, because no one else has one. One guy called it my “yearbook picture”. Eventually I set my profile photo to something else.

  4. 4
    Teresa

    I saw no difference in quality/quantity between match and pof.  Since pof is free I will be sticking with that.  Did sign up with OKC don’t really care for it all those tests and the enemy/friend stuff mabye it’s for a younger crowd?
    Of course your results may vary based on your age, where you live etc.

    I would still prefer to meet someone in IRL of course. 

  5. 5
    Jules

    I would second/third the recommendation for OKC.  I’ve done Match, POF and OKC.  POF is awful… the site is horrible, search functionality is horrible, and the quality of people is far lower than Match or OKC.  I’ve met decent people on both Match and OKC, but far prefer the OKC site.  It just has a more comfortable, welcoming, “hip” feel, it’s easy to use, NICE photo capabilities.  The best part is that you know someone on the other end is getting your emails.  Until Match decides to somehow indicate who is a paying member (i.e. can read/respond to email) or at least let you put that as a search criteria, it can be a huge waste of time.  

    Now that Match owns OKC, I hope they don’t screw it up.

  6. 6
    christie

    I was on both Match and POF. On Match I mostly found players – including a guy who hit me up for $$! I met a couple of local men on Match, they were okay, but no spark there.
    On POF, I met several men – one was definitely a not nice guy, a true player, and a couple of others seemed that way as well. But I did meet the man I am still dating, seven months later, and am crazy about. He was about to give up, and then he met me. :-)
    Thanks to Evan’s advice, I learned quickly how to get rid of the losers – they are on every site, of course. But I believe there are winners on every site, too, you just have to find them.

  7. 7
    Ellen

    Goldie is right on about everything. Been on them all and much prefer okcupid. Yes, it takes a while to answer 150+ questions but in the end you have some sort of decent compatibility (80%) is superb I think). Rather like eHarmony without the expense or interminable wait times.

    The guy I steadily date now that I met there (80% match), well it turns out we are both ENFP (Myers Briggs_ 5% of pop.). How rare is that!

    I don’t belong to Mensa but I too have trouble finding guys who are even vaguely intellectuals. I was married to one once, there are some in my family so I miss interacting with like-minded folks. That said, it’s hard! to find an an intellectual with heart (think Clinton or Jimmy Carter). Heart comes first in my book. I request it in a humble way on my profile. I think the way I worded it was “I have 20 yrs. schooling, I am what I am, & it would be nice if the guy could keep up with me culturally.” Not a strict requirement though. What shocks me is the paucity of college-educated guys….

  8. 8
    Christina

    Evan is right- online dating is where it’s at. I met so many guys I never would have come across in real life, even in a small city. I met my fiance on POF, and had fun on OKCupid (until my ex kept coming up as a 95% compatible match, lol).

    PoF worked well for me because I apparently have a finely tuned bs-meter. I was also in a happy, confident place where I just didn’t give the time of day to creeps and weirdos and rejection from anyone else was no big deal. With the right attitude and help from someone like Evan, I would think you could do well on just about any of the large sites, paid or free. 

  9. 9
    MH

    I’ve met some interesting men through OKCupid. It’s free for a basic account, which suits my budget right now. There are some weirdos on there, but just be careful.

  10. 10
    Antonia

    Evan, I have to disagree on this match.com thing. Match.com is not really a good place to meet a quality single guy who is relationship minded. In last three years I have tried three different dating sites. I have done match.com for a year and have met some fun guys and had some great dates. I am in my early 30s and have met guys in their late 20s to early 40s and they all just seem to want to get laid. They may come off as wanting a relationship, but they are all scarred from an ex wife or ex girlfriend and are afraid of commitment. So I would promote match.com as a place to go for casual dating but I have to disagree that match.com is a place to find high quality single men who are
    interested in a relationship. I can say with confidence that match.com is the online equivalent am the bar scene.

    On-line dating: good. But match.com: Proceed with Caution.

    1. 10.1
      olga

      Yeah.I also agree.I haven’t tried match.com but am leary of it maybe cause i’m looking for a christian site if i even did do the online thing again(didn’t really work or feel right.no one really wanted to get to know me esp the one’s that i had interests with only stupid desperate old men.And i was on a christian site don’t try chrisitancafe.com  they have you do all the work. Also heard very bad things about christianmingle.com)If someone does do it they should try a good site that matches you and offers personality assessments like eharmony so you find someone who fits your personality and interest.But i think it’s safer and easier to meet others in public places.

  11. 11
    Mia

    I met my boy friend on okc.
    what is amazing is that I live in Asia and he lives in the US.

    after emailing EVERY SINGLE DAY for 3 whole months, he flew all the way over here to meet me in person.
    that was 3 months ago.

    now, we talk EVERY SINGLE DAY on skype web-cam.
    and I will go fly all the way over to see him in the US in December.
    (he paid for my flight)

    I am in my 40’s and he is in his 50’s.
    oh, and he is also of Asian-descent, like me.

    so, please don’t give up!
    I almost did, but I’m glad I did not.

    I have also made many wonderful penpals on okc as well.
    but they no longer have the journal function that made it so special.

    I would also like to thank Evan for his advice.
    my bf passed every single test of Evan’s :-)
    I’m so happy.

    1. 11.1
      Bodil

      Thank you for sharing !! You made my day!
      Love from a never-married woman in
      Denmark. I am 65 years old.
      Ps. I am in love with life and I am sure I will
      find my loved-one in the time to come!
      I am very happy for you two people!

      1. 11.1.1
        Joanne

        Hi Bodil….
        I live in the US, recently relocated from So Calif to a new city.  I too am 65, widowed…Being busy but lonely I joined Match.com.  I was shocked!! More activity than I could keep up with.  It scared me a little, so I backed away.  Needed to be clear about what in heck I was doing…But every man I met was interesting, fun, and courteous. so, don’t hesitate to try when you think you’re ready.  I will, after digesting Evan’s advice :-)

  12. 12
    ashley

    first , I just found this blog , LOVE it ! EMK , you are awesome!
    going back to the post …I always met my boyfriends through other friends, in college, parties. I recently moved to a new state for my grad school, and thought the quickest way to meet new people is online, and oh boy ! Ive been on match.com for few weeks now , and it’s been crazy!!!Im sure most ladies would agree with me that it’s so overwhelming to answer to all the emails, but I actually met couple of very very nice men which I’m dating now and speaking of the quality, I’m not actively seeking a long term relationship now but if I was,  few of these men would definitely be on top of my list ! I would say 90-95% are not my type, but the 5-10% that are , they are one the most eligible bachelors that Ive ever seen!  my conclusion is that online dating is the best way to meet new people; satisfies both quality and quantity standards !

  13. 13
    my honest answer

    They are some really interesting statistics! I am finding an increasing number of friends and acquantainces meeting long-term partners online. I had never thought of the sucess rate compared to meeting someone at the office, but you’re right – if so many marriages are coming from so few people being online, these sites are very effective.

    1. 13.1
      olga

      sometimes people marry the person they met online.but i’ve been hearing that some women don’t have real relationships or only get a few dates from the dating sites.so im not sure it can work.if you want a real committed relationship/marriage i don’t think online dating is the way to go

  14. 14
    Gem

    Met my guy on Plenty of Fish. I agree with Evan that compared to other sites, you may have a tougher time wading through those waters to find a quality catch of the day, but they are swimming in there.

    :)

  15. 15
    Goldie

    @ Christina #9, LOL @ your ex story – I had to hide the guy on OKC that had dumped me on Match, because he kept coming up every day on my sidebar as my 90% match, 86% friend, and 4% enemy, go figure. As a friend of mine said, high compatibility as is a requirement, but not a guarantee, of you clicking with the other person. It’s good to know that you feel the same on a number of issues, but as our two examples show, you can still disagree on other things not covered by the questions.

  16. 16
    sharon

    It’s just so easy to get burned out. I’ve been trying to date more relationship oriented men. After two dates if I can’t bring myself to give em a peck on the lips I try to break contact. But damn if these guys don’t keep calling for months. I hate dumping people and honestly it just seems ridiculous that I have to explain to someone I’ve met twice why I don’t want to see them again. Maybe I should make a form letter.

  17. 17
    Soul Sister

    Just wanted to say, if you have the right attitude on-line dating is the way to go. But you need to be very secure in yourself and ready to deal with a lot of rejection and lots of weirdos.  And if you are a very nice person, it is kind of hard when the guy likes you and you don’t like him…but we are all adults, right?

    My first time on match.com I had not been dating much and it was just too much, too overwhelming.  I was not doing a very good job of screening, I was too nice to everyone, and the number of emails was just crazy.  A year later, after a goofy relationship with a college boyfriend and just some casual dating, I decided to try match again.  This time I did lie about my age (I had just turned 50 so I went with 49, ha ha!).  I screened better and if I was not interested in someone I just didn’t respond.  I went on 3-4 dates a week…I was on a mission!  I met lots of decent men, this time around not one real jerk! 

    Then a guy contacted me who looked like a total player from his pictures.  But I didn’t want to judge a book by it’s cover so agreed to meet him for happy hour. We had a very fun time but I still didn’t trust him. He was persistent though, so I invited him to coffee at my house…to help me move some big boxes!!  Darn if he didn’t show up!  I was still not sure, but went on date #3 because I read EMK’s blog and I knew to give the guy a good chance.  On our third date, lighting struck for both of us!  We have been dating for 3 months and we are exclusive.  There is huge potential for an LTR with him. 

    I am 50, he is 52, and we just believed it could happen.  People who are negative about their bad experiences with on-line dating (and we all have them) just bring that negativity to the next meeting.  Be confident, be positive, and hope for the best. Since my match boyfriend, two of my girlfriends signed up and are seriously dating great potentials. On-line dating can rock if you want it to….just saying! 

  18. 18
    Soul Sister

    Goldie #4 – just a friendly comment…I consider myself a pretty smart person too (not genius smart but I qualify for mensa too) and not once in all my on-line dating did I meet someone I would not consider my intellectual equal.  Some are obviously smarter than others, but I was way more concerned about who is a good person, fun, attractive, than what his IQ might be.   I am not sure where you are setting your bar, but if you really are only looking for super smart men, maybe where the rest of the normal population hangs out (bars, on-line) isn’t a good option for you?  Not one single guy I have ever met anywhere has talked about mowing his lawn.  Now his Harley…that might be a different story, ha ha. But even the mid life crisis doctors are buying Harleys these days.

    Possibly consider that you are using a man’s intellectual level as a deal breaker sort of like some women are using a man’s yearly income as a filter and they may be missing some really great options because of it.  I care much less if the guy can dazzle me with his brilliance than if he can dazzle me with his passion, kindness, and positive energy. Good moves in the bedroom are way more important than math ability too…..:-)

  19. 19
    still looking

    Soul Sister — How can you tell by looking at pictures if a guy is a player?  I hear women toss the term around all the time and a good percentage of women say “no players” on their profiles.  What is the definition of a player?  To me it is a guy who is on a mission for sex and he manipulates women to have sex with them.  In my mind, a pickup artist is a player, a serial dater is just a guy who hasn’t found love yet.  Thoughts???

    1. 19.1
      olga

      You don’t know.Sometimes it’s even hard to tell when you meet  somewhere traditional like at school or work.so how could you know from online?would be harder to trust someone you met that way.

  20. 20
    AQ

    Agreed. There is no better way and it is work. 

  21. 21
    BK

    I’m going to have to disagree with Match.com being a good way to meet people.  I signed up for a 3 month subscription a few months ago and only had 3 guys iniate contact with me.  Of those 3 none of them resulted in an actual date, and I responded to everyone who contacted me.   Aren’t women supposed to have more responses then they know what to do with?  I had friends review my profile text and photos, so I don’t think it had anything to do with my profile.  I’ve also been told by both male and female friends that I’m very pretty, so I don’t think it’s the way I look. I’m 5’7, weigh 135, and had full length photos up where you could tell my body type.  I had  I sent out about 3-4 e-mails a day during my subscription to guys I might be interested in got no response to the contacts I iniated.  I live in a major city, so maybe there’s just too many options and guys get lost in the kid in the candy store mentality?  Maybe the people I contacted weren’t actual paying members, so they couldn’t respond?  I’m not opposed to on-line dating as a medium, but I found this particular site to be a big waste of time, money and energy.  Anyone else have similar experiences, or advice on how I could improve my experience?

  22. 22
    ashley

    #22 BK,
    I had an apposite experience on match ,,, but I guess if you are an attractive women with good quality pictures, maybe it’s what you’ve written in your profile. Honestly, mine doesnt have much information ; I was lazy to answer all the questions , wanted to go back and complete it but got enough emails from men so that ” dull ” profile of mine worked pretty well. maybe you should’nt reveal too much information in your profile, also have no preference for anything; height, income, religion. where I live now, most men are ultra religious conservative. Im a liberal spiritual person , but left the option open and met lots of nice men. other than that , it’s just their loss !

  23. 23
    Lipstick and Playdates

    Marc, I read your blog religiously and often think you’re advice is often right on. You have amazing insights on men and women.  However, in regards to your last post I have to say:  is this REALLY your best advice?  I would hope someone on your level could offer suggestions of actual places outside the online arena women could meet men.  Surely you must know a few.  Reading this post, one has to wonder how much Match paid you for that nice little plug.

    1. 23.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      @Lipstick:

      1. My name is Evan, not Marc. Seriously, just read the header.
      2. This is really my best advice. I think it would be foolish to keep better advice to myself and not share it with my loyal readers.
      3. Someone on my level has the responsibility to tell you that the right answer to “where are the places to meet quality men” doesn’t involve me researching every bar, club, salsa class, and Meetup in America. If YOU think that you’ve got a better answer to where to meet men, then, by all means, let me and all our other readers know. Chuckles in Cincinnati? The Royalton in New York? Mr. Chalmers Spanish class for the over 50 set in Boca? Do you see how ridiculous this question is? And you know where all the people who go to Chuckles, the Royalton and Mr. Chalmers class are ALSO hanging out? Match.com
      4. Yeah, I’m on the take from Match.com. Be sure and let Match.com know because my checks haven’t been arriving.

  24. 24
    Goldie

    @ Soul Sister – I tried going out with average guys… it’s not working. It’s not as much the IQ in itself as the man’s intellectual curiosity, open mind, being able and willing to learn new things etc. (I’ve met people who had all those things and didn’t even have a college degree.) By trial and error, I found out that I can compromise on just about everything except that. (and obvious things like integrity, nice personality, not being a serial killer etc) I’ve dated men who said, on a date or in their profile, things like “I ain’t much of a reader”… and the date always turned out being a snoozefest. I just feel that I’m better off alone than with someone boring. Some of these men are actually very smart and have good careers. They’re just not intellectuals. They have no problem leaving their brain behind when they walk out of the office at the end of the day.
     
    For a lot of men and women, it is not a priority. Tons of people want a relationship where they can just come home to each other, have dinner together, watch some reruns on TV, not talk much because they’re unwinding from work, go to bed, maybe have some sex, rinse, repeat… There’s nothing wrong with that. It just won’t work for me.
     
    It probably depends on location. I’m in the Midwest. Lawns are a big part of our lives, LOL
     
    Another thing I noticed is that, a man who’s not interested in growing intellectually, is also not interested in dating an immigrant such as myself. I scare an average Joe half to death with my accent and the fact that I didn’t grow up in the area. I’m like a different species to him. He’s, of course, curious, but at the end of the day, he wants to date me like he would want to date a dog. So, works both ways… I’m not interested in him, he’s not interested in me. win-win
     
     

  25. 25
    Teresa

    BK

    I had a similar experience on match,  If you are a women over 50 you just not going to get much action.  Unless you like em a lot younger or a lot older.   Men in their 50 generally don’t date women in their 50’s they usually wnat em 10-12 years younger.  Save your money and use the free sites like plentyoffish and Ok Cupid if you don’t get any messages at least it doesn’t cost you anything.   

  26. 26
    BK

    Teresa, I’m 28 so I don’t think age was the issue.  The only thing I can think of is that for men in their mid 20’s and early 30’s there were too many options on that site and they only replied to their top picks, or very few of them were actual paying members so they couldn’t reply. I am going to try the free sites though, so at least if I don’t get a response there, it would be less frustrating.

  27. 27
    Teresa

    Sorry BK meant to reply to someone else posted on the wrong thread.

     

  28. 28
    Goldie

    @ Soul Sister #19, wanted to add in response to this:
     
    Possibly consider that you are using a man’s intellectual level as a deal breaker sort of like some women are using a man’s yearly income as a filter and they may be missing some really great options because of it.
     
    I agree with you that, if I were experiencing a shortage of options, I’d think about what I can change in the way I do things. Which was one of the reasons why I started asking around for advice when things weren’t working well for me on Match, and was advised to switch sites. From there on out, it was like being back in college (in a good way, lol) My last month on OKC, I spent fretting and losing my sleep because I was seeing two people that were both very interested in me, and were both such awesome matches for me that I didn’t know which one to choose! I know, it’s an awful problem to have! LOL Apparently, guys are more intelligent than what we give them credit for :)

  29. 29
    Ronnie Ann Ryan - The Dating Coach for Women Over 40

    Evan – I want to commend you for this post! Shaking women up is exactly what is needed! So many have tried unsuccessfully, so they think the web stinks. But did they have your advice or mine on how to do this well? No.  They rely only on themselves and think their bad experiences prove this won’t work.
    When I was single I was the same way. But at 40 I was still single and had to get serious. I decided to look at myself to see how I might be contributing to my singleness. and that is where the answers were. I started working on myself and getting out to meet men in all the old ways I had tried before and hated.
    But, I did attended these events with a completely new attitude! I was friendly. I went alone to meet and mingle. I talked to all kinds of men, not just my type. I dated 30 men in 15 months to meet the man who is now my husband of 11 years.
    Hurray for this post Evan about online dating and shaking up preconceived notions. That is the fundamental key to finding the love women want. I sure hope you impacted a few to rethink how they are going about their search.

  30. 30
    Chris

    Have to agree with most folks here. I’ve been on both POF and Match.com.  No matter how many times I stress in my match profile the age group and location that I’m looking for, I inadvertently get the older gentlemen who are so totally not my type, or live 2-3 STATES away expressing interest. At least on that site, they have the “Thanks but no thanks” email pre-written for you to send.

    On POF in the beginning, I too, met quite a few players or men only interested in FWB.  At the initial stage of my going there, that’s all I was looking for, or thought I was.

    I then met the guy I’ve been seeing for a few months and am extremely happy. He, too, was about to give up on dating, having met 5 women before me too neurotic to deal with.  Although we don’t get to see each other all of the time, we still text/talk on an almost daily basis.

    I think it just really comes down to your own personal choice, and how you present yourself.  I still think there is someone for everybody out there, but as Evan has quoted, you have to kiss a lot of princes before you find your frog! Good luck everyone! 

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