The Single Best Place to Meet Quality Guys

The Single Best Place to Meet Quality Guys This morning, I took a peek at the questions coming into my blog. There I found eight questions all saying the same thing:

“Where is the best place to meet a quality, relationship-oriented man? I’m really open to everything you say, Evan, but I never meet any good men!”

I hear ya.

It’s certainly frustrating to want to prioritize your love life, but not have the opportunity to meet any new men on a day-to-day basis.

This lack of opportunity, above all, is the main reason that you’re not in love now.

It’s not because you’re terrible with men.

It’s not because you have nothing to offer.

The reason you’re single is simply that you haven’t met the right guy – and yet you have no idea where he’s coming along.

I’ve only got one word for you, my friend.

Match.com

Before you tune out or run away screaming, hear me out.

Because this isn’t just my opinion. This is fact.

As opinionated as I am, I’m always open to the possibility of being proven wrong.

I hope you are, too.

Did you hear that? That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.

Because studies show that facts don’t actually matter when you have a deeply held opinion.

That’s right.

If I told you that 2 + 2 = 4, but you believe that 2 + 2 = 5, no amount of evidence can make you change your mind. In fact, any evidence that I provide that contradicts you is only going to make you believe in your original premise more.

Fascinating, isn’t it?

Yes, you’re hardwired to be stubborn and, as such, you can easily fall victim to “the confirmation bias”, which seeks out information which only reaffirms what you already believe (biting my tongue on the obvious Fox News joke…)

So, if you have dated online and discovered the following:

• Men sometimes lie.
• Men often flake out.
• Men are poor at marketing themselves.
• Men are stupid, sexual and visual.
• The wrong men write to you. The right men don’t.

I wouldn’t be able to argue with any of this.

And if you concluded that, because of those observations, you weren’t inclined to try online dating again, you’d have plenty of evidence to support yourself.

But, in writing off online dating you’d be making a massive mistake. Here’s why:

In the past three years, 17% of all married couples met through online dating.

This is more than TWICE the number of couples who met through bars, clubs, and other social events.

Did you hear that?

That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.

Don’t fight it.

Now, to be fair, 38% of marriages came from work and school. And 27% came through a friend or family member.

So clearly that must mean that those are “better” ways of meeting…

Not so fast.

How many people have a job or go to school? About 100%

How many people have friends and family? About 100%

How many people are paying for online dating sites at a given time? Maybe 5%.

What this illustrates is that, proportionally, 5% of the population (online daters) accounts for 17% of the marriages in the past 3 years.

Which goes to show that the people who are dating online are finding love at a significantly higher rate than people who rely on workplace romance or set-ups.

“So what?!” you might say to yourself, still unconvinced. “I dated online and HATED it! That should mean something!”

Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.

Yes. Yes it does. It means you have a deep-seated bias against online dating, so that anything I say which contradicts you is just going to irk you more.

Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.

So let’s keep on going with your other misconceptions about online dating:

You dated online for 3 months and didn’t find love? Makes sense. You’ve been in love 3 times in 40 years – why would you think you should it in 90 days on JDate?

You’ve noticed that men tend to disappear in the middle of emailing? Consider: have YOU ever disappeared in the middle of emailing a man because you found other men you liked better? I thought so.

You think that men misrepresent their height or age? Yep. And so do women. Maybe even you. It’s not because you have no integrity or are a congenital liar. It’s because men and women both discriminate based on looks and age, and you merely want to be given an opportunity to meet.

You don’t want to pay so much for a service that yields no results? Go out for one night of drinks and appetizers with your girlfriends. You just spent more than an entire month on Match.com and you didn’t meet any guys either.

You think that 90% of men online are “wrong” for you. You’re right. But so are 90% of men in bars, on buses, or in Starbucks. If you have high standards, MOST men are not going to be to your liking.

So if 90% of all men aren’t even first-date worthy, where is the place where you have access to the greatest number of men?

You got it: Match.com.

Listen, I’m no Pollyanna. I’m not a corporate shill for the online dating industry. I don’t think your negative experience in online dating is silly.

I’m just a dating coach who specializes in helping women meet, connect with, and understand men.

But all the dating advice in the world is useless if you’re not actually dating regularly!

If you’ve resisted online dating because of your preconceived notions about how it is, I assure you, it’s because you’ve never tried it my way.

I usually don’t plug products here, but please, do yourself a favor and check out my audio series, Finding the One Online. It’s literally EVERYTHING I know about online dating, with a 180 page transcript, a 35 page workbook and 7 hours of coaching with the same exact information that my private clients get on the phone.

Most importantly, it will forever change the way you connect with men online.

I look forward to hearing your success stories.

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Comments:

  1. 91
    ursula

    Really? I have had the worst experience ever on match. In fact I am writing a detailed article on why anyone larger than a size ten should NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO ON MATCH.com. Why would you recommend such a terrible site? Are they paying you? If so I hope it’s such a butt load of money you can overlook the fact these are crooks stealing from the average American like myself. I have never been so depressed in my life. Not to mention the just thievery that goes on there. Or dealing with their horrible customer service. Or fake profiles. Ladies, save your $110.00 unlike me. Unless you are a gorgeous, no larger than size 10 woman with so many other attributes you have no business being in match.com and need a modeling rep, DON’T JOIN. Run from this site!!!

  2. 92
    Ally

    I have been doing online dating, including Match.com, for about 5 years.  I’ve never been married, have a good job, own my own home and am totally normal, so 5 years ago when I started, I thought I would find someone right away.  What I found was that the guys I met and actually liked didn’t want relationships.  Now I am 36 and still single with only the torture of online dating looming over me.  The quality of guys has gone down, at least this is what I am assuming based on the terrible first messages I receive and the large number of profiles that say “to come”.   And, it seems like Match.com and POF are trying to hard to turn into chat rooms rather than matching the right people together. I’m sick of one sentence answers back and forth.  It seems like there are no other options for meeting anyone, especially at this age.

  3. 93
    jo

    Get a dog and go hiking instead!    Who has time to sift through the mounds of garbage on these sites?     There is absolutely no quality control on any of them.    You have an extremely small chance of meeting anyone you’d really want to date and you will waste tons of time surfing and messaging too.      Frustration and depression soon follow.   Go out and do something fun instead!

  4. 94
    Janice

    I was on match.com for four years and in that time met two “real” people, the rest were all scammers.  Speaking to the two guys I met, they both told me of the number of scammers they interacted with as well.

    I found Plenty of Fish is the “safest” of the sites I’ve been on and have met with some lovely guys.  Not all worked out, but I have made some good friends there.

  5. 95
    RDV

    I live in Florida and am over 50.  I know there are plenty of unattached men in this area but they all seem to want women that describe themselves as “petite” or “sexy”, even the men with pot bellies.  I am more realistic and was very, very honest in my profile and had photos that were less than a year old.  After three months, I had initiated over 40 emails and responded to EVERY email I received. The return rate on emails was less than 1%.  Guess how many dates I had.  Zero.  ZIP.  NADA.    I started it with such hope and a very open mind.  I ended totally discouraged, with my confidence in shreds.  It was  a total waste of time and money.  I just can’t bring myself to lie or submit old photos.

  6. 96
    Afraid in NJ

    I had great luck 6 years ago on match.com and recently rejoined to be very disappointed—multiple scams, men posing to be something they are not, gold diggers, classless guys…needless to say I only lasted 3 weeks and then went to millionaire match and found the caliber of men much better, but still too many scams and just went off that site too.  The bottom line is I am disappointed and scared…too many weirdos for me…I would rather be alone than deal with that!    Afraid in NJ

  7. 97
    Keke

    I was on Match a year. POF about 6 months and now OkCupid. I’ve dated until blue in the face. Folks in general not looking for long term. Having a great time serial dating.

  8. 98
    JC

    Per the comments above about a reasonably attractive woman not getting any traction on match.com:

    I was in the same boat (very few incoming messages from men) until I took Evan’s recent advice and took a profile shot that included some cleavage. Suddenly inundated. Don’t be afraid to ‘market’ yourself, ladies. BTW, the new profile pic is of me in a dress I wear all the time so it’s still ‘me.’

  9. 99
    Lici

    I have been on Zoosk and POF, I am finding that there are more people there to scam than date.  I can recognize them now, but truly wonder where the decent people are.

  10. 100
    Jim

    So if 90% of the guys aren’t first date worthy, that means all the women are going for 10% of the guys.  Mathematically, how do you think that will work out for you? If the guy is in the top 10%, you have to ask yourself, what exactly do you bring to the table that would make him want you?     Having friends that are in the top 10%, I know they primarily use these dating sites as a pump and dump algorithm.  They just use these sites for, “fun”.  Women that are slightly above average thing they will get a guy in the top 10 %, not happening ladies.

  11. 101
    Mindy

    I tried Match. com in my late thirties as a very attractive, never married woman with no kids, now more than ten years later, divorced, with children, and obviously older, and still told I am very attractive, I get nothing but scraggly billy goats. I have an advanced degree, am told I am funny, and am kind hearted and fit, but get men who are over 60, overweight, and uneducated. It is so disheartening.

  12. 102
    Theodora

     I am kind hearted

    versus

     I get nothing but scraggly billy goats

    and

    get men who are over 60, overweight, and uneducated

    Maybe you are not as kind hearted as you believe…

    1. 102.1
      Kay

      Theodora

      I don’t think you can make that judgement about Mindy . Im also a kind person but the overwhelming numbers of messages Match from mediocre men who refuse to date women their own age gets very tedious.

      What I get from Mindys message is that these guys don’t get younger beautiful women.  These guys are a great source of revenue for Match because of the illusion of the choice they have.

      1. 102.1.1
        Theodora

        I don’t think you can make that judgement about Mindy 

        We can make any judgement about anything that surrounds us – that’s why we have reason (aka judgement).

        My “judgement” is actually an observation based on the contradictions in her own post (alleged kind-heartedness vs. calling people scraggly billy goats).

        Im also a kind person but the overwhelming numbers of messages Match from mediocre men 

        The overwhelming majority of the people on this Earth are mediocre (average). The opposite of mediocre is exceptional, and just a small minority of people are exceptional (in looks, intelligence, accomplishments or other aspects). So, in what respects are you or her exceptional to deserve an exceptional (non-mediocre) man?
        who refuse to date women their own age gets very tedious.
        What I get from Mindys message is that these guys don’t get younger beautiful women
        So, you don’t like messages from older men. Then ignore those messages and ignore those men, the same way they ignore the messages or attention they receive from women their own age. Easy peasy. Calling them scraggly billy goats accomplishes nothing – imagine men calling older women scraggly hags (from the kindness of their heart, that is).

        1. SparklingEmerald

          Hi Theodore Men do call women fat, old ,spoiled, etc on this blog on a regular basis, while also claiming to be desirable.   Since you are a guy tho, you probably haven’t noticed.

           

           

           

           

        2. kay

          Theodora

          Im surprised at your caustic response. I intuit you are a man also.

          Actually those older men who are overweight , unattractive and dishevelled tell me women their age are unattractive and overweight. They ARE  essentially calling them hags.

          I wonder why you are so personally offended. Maybe you are one of those guys

           

  13. 103
    Theodora

    SparklingEmerald,

    I know it’s hard for you to believe because group thinking is more natural than free thinking to most people, but I am 100% a woman. If you want to convince yourself, I can give you an e-mail address, phone number or whatever.

  14. 104
    Nat

    I have to say I also felt u were a man, Theodora. And I felt that right after reading your first comment, before anyone else said it, so “group thinking” had nothing to do with it. If u are a woman, you must have very high T-levels.

    I don’t like calling anyone out on the blog, but I feel that anyone pretending to be a diff gender here must have the ulterior motive of spreading misinformation.

  15. 105
    ahs

    hahaha match.com! pfff that place is bullshit just like e-harmony stop telling me to try online dating its a total shit show all across the board. All it ever did was waste my time money and leave me with bad memories of creepy people.

  16. 106
    karen

    I’m a widow of 21 months.  I’ve tried online dating for a year… ourtime, eh armory, zoos, match.com… all were fruitless.  I’ve had about 10 men I went on dates with… 1 a con man, 1 a player, 2 didn’t know what they really wanted even though they seemed eager at first, 1 widower suddenly couldn’t forget his wife.  I am an attractive, funny, smart, easygoing, energetic, loyal, dependable 55 yr old woman.  I’m no model, but they’ve All said I was cute, pretty, nice body… so why haven’t I been able to date one of these guys for longer than a few months?  They all lied inadvertently on their profiles…. thinking they were romantic or wanting a serious relationship…. my circle of friends and colleagues workers are all married or too young.   I’m saddened to think I’ll remain alone the rest of my life.  I’m now terribly gun shy of those sites… and I always see the same guys on there that view me or like my pics but never message. … I could go on and on…. I’d say… avoid these sites, they don’t pan out.

    1. 106.1
      Karl R

      karen asked:

      “I’ve tried online dating for a year […] I’ve had about 10 men I went on dates with […] so why haven’t I been able to date one of these guys for longer than a few months?”

      You’ve dated for one year, you’ve had one or more relationships that lasted for a few months, and you’ve been on dates with 10 men.

      You’re doing better than I did in my first year of online dating.

       

      Dating isn’t quick or easy.  When I seriously got back into dating, it took well over three years before I started dating my wife.

      You don’t want to get a long-term relationship with the first man. You want to get a relationship with the right man. That might take a little time.

       

      karen said:

      “They all lied inadvertently on their profiles…. thinking they were romantic or wanting a serious relationship….”

      Based on the dictionary definition, a lie is “an intentionally false statement.” By definition, it is impossible to “lie inadvertently.”

      For the 6+ years I was dating, I wanted a serious relationship. Not with every woman I dated, of course. Not with most women I dated.

      Most women I dated didn’t want a serious relationship with me, either. Even if they really wanted a serious relationship.

      I think those men did want a serious relationship. Once you find your serious relationship, you’ll be happy it wasn’t with any of them.

       

      Regarding dating online:

      Think of dating like investing. You wouldn’t put all of your money into one kind of investment. You would diversify.

      Same thing with dating. Do some online. Do a few kinds of offline dating. Focus more on the stuff that’s working better, less on the stuff that’s showing worse results.

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