The Single Best Place to Meet Quality Guys

The Single Best Place to Meet Quality Guys This morning, I took a peek at the questions coming into my blog. There I found eight questions all saying the same thing:

“Where is the best place to meet a quality, relationship-oriented man? I’m really open to everything you say, Evan, but I never meet any good men!”

I hear ya.

It’s certainly frustrating to want to prioritize your love life, but not have the opportunity to meet any new men on a day-to-day basis.

This lack of opportunity, above all, is the main reason that you’re not in love now.

It’s not because you’re terrible with men.

It’s not because you have nothing to offer.

The reason you’re single is simply that you haven’t met the right guy – and yet you have no idea where he’s coming along.

I’ve only got one word for you, my friend.

Before you tune out or run away screaming, hear me out.

Because this isn’t just my opinion. This is fact.

As opinionated as I am, I’m always open to the possibility of being proven wrong.

I hope you are, too.

Did you hear that? That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.

Because studies show that facts don’t actually matter when you have a deeply held opinion.

That’s right.

If I told you that 2 + 2 = 4, but you believe that 2 + 2 = 5, no amount of evidence can make you change your mind. In fact, any evidence that I provide that contradicts you is only going to make you believe in your original premise more.

Fascinating, isn’t it?

Yes, you’re hardwired to be stubborn and, as such, you can easily fall victim to “the confirmation bias”, which seeks out information which only reaffirms what you already believe (biting my tongue on the obvious Fox News joke…)

So, if you have dated online and discovered the following:

• Men sometimes lie.
• Men often flake out.
• Men are poor at marketing themselves.
• Men are stupid, sexual and visual.
• The wrong men write to you. The right men don’t.

I wouldn’t be able to argue with any of this.

And if you concluded that, because of those observations, you weren’t inclined to try online dating again, you’d have plenty of evidence to support yourself.

But, in writing off online dating you’d be making a massive mistake. Here’s why:

In the past three years, 17% of all married couples met through online dating.

This is more than TWICE the number of couples who met through bars, clubs, and other social events.

Did you hear that?

That’s the sound of your preconceived notions being shattered.

Don’t fight it.

Now, to be fair, 38% of marriages came from work and school. And 27% came through a friend or family member.

So clearly that must mean that those are “better” ways of meeting…

Not so fast.

How many people have a job or go to school? About 100%

How many people have friends and family? About 100%

How many people are paying for online dating sites at a given time? Maybe 5%.

What this illustrates is that, proportionally, 5% of the population (online daters) accounts for 17% of the marriages in the past 3 years.

Which goes to show that the people who are dating online are finding love at a significantly higher rate than people who rely on workplace romance or set-ups.

“So what?!” you might say to yourself, still unconvinced. “I dated online and HATED it! That should mean something!”

Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.

Yes. Yes it does. It means you have a deep-seated bias against online dating, so that anything I say which contradicts you is just going to irk you more.

Irking women is my job. Anything to get you outside your comfort zone, to get you to see the world through a different, more empowering lens.

So let’s keep on going with your other misconceptions about online dating:

You dated online for 3 months and didn’t find love? Makes sense. You’ve been in love 3 times in 40 years – why would you think you should it in 90 days on JDate?

You’ve noticed that men tend to disappear in the middle of emailing? Consider: have YOU ever disappeared in the middle of emailing a man because you found other men you liked better? I thought so.

You think that men misrepresent their height or age? Yep. And so do women. Maybe even you. It’s not because you have no integrity or are a congenital liar. It’s because men and women both discriminate based on looks and age, and you merely want to be given an opportunity to meet.

You don’t want to pay so much for a service that yields no results? Go out for one night of drinks and appetizers with your girlfriends. You just spent more than an entire month on and you didn’t meet any guys either.

You think that 90% of men online are “wrong” for you. You’re right. But so are 90% of men in bars, on buses, or in Starbucks. If you have high standards, MOST men are not going to be to your liking.

So if 90% of all men aren’t even first-date worthy, where is the place where you have access to the greatest number of men?

You got it:

Listen, I’m no Pollyanna. I’m not a corporate shill for the online dating industry. I don’t think your negative experience in online dating is silly.

I’m just a dating coach who specializes in helping women meet, connect with, and understand men.

But all the dating advice in the world is useless if you’re not actually dating regularly!

If you’ve resisted online dating because of your preconceived notions about how it is, I assure you, it’s because you’ve never tried it my way.

I usually don’t plug products here, but please, do yourself a favor and check out my audio series, Finding the One Online. It’s literally EVERYTHING I know about online dating, with a 180 page transcript, a 35 page workbook and 7 hours of coaching with the same exact information that my private clients get on the phone.

Most importantly, it will forever change the way you connect with men online.

I look forward to hearing your success stories.

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  1. 91

    Really? I have had the worst experience ever on match. In fact I am writing a detailed article on why anyone larger than a size ten should NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO ON Why would you recommend such a terrible site? Are they paying you? If so I hope it’s such a butt load of money you can overlook the fact these are crooks stealing from the average American like myself. I have never been so depressed in my life. Not to mention the just thievery that goes on there. Or dealing with their horrible customer service. Or fake profiles. Ladies, save your $110.00 unlike me. Unless you are a gorgeous, no larger than size 10 woman with so many other attributes you have no business being in and need a modeling rep, DON’T JOIN. Run from this site!!!

  2. 92

    I have been doing online dating, including, for about 5 years.  I’ve never been married, have a good job, own my own home and am totally normal, so 5 years ago when I started, I thought I would find someone right away.  What I found was that the guys I met and actually liked didn’t want relationships.  Now I am 36 and still single with only the torture of online dating looming over me.  The quality of guys has gone down, at least this is what I am assuming based on the terrible first messages I receive and the large number of profiles that say “to come”.   And, it seems like and POF are trying to hard to turn into chat rooms rather than matching the right people together. I’m sick of one sentence answers back and forth.  It seems like there are no other options for meeting anyone, especially at this age.

  3. 93

    Get a dog and go hiking instead!    Who has time to sift through the mounds of garbage on these sites?     There is absolutely no quality control on any of them.    You have an extremely small chance of meeting anyone you’d really want to date and you will waste tons of time surfing and messaging too.      Frustration and depression soon follow.   Go out and do something fun instead!

  4. 94

    I was on for four years and in that time met two “real” people, the rest were all scammers.  Speaking to the two guys I met, they both told me of the number of scammers they interacted with as well.

    I found Plenty of Fish is the “safest” of the sites I’ve been on and have met with some lovely guys.  Not all worked out, but I have made some good friends there.

  5. 95

    I live in Florida and am over 50.  I know there are plenty of unattached men in this area but they all seem to want women that describe themselves as “petite” or “sexy”, even the men with pot bellies.  I am more realistic and was very, very honest in my profile and had photos that were less than a year old.  After three months, I had initiated over 40 emails and responded to EVERY email I received. The return rate on emails was less than 1%.  Guess how many dates I had.  Zero.  ZIP.  NADA.    I started it with such hope and a very open mind.  I ended totally discouraged, with my confidence in shreds.  It was  a total waste of time and money.  I just can’t bring myself to lie or submit old photos.

  6. 96
    Afraid in NJ

    I had great luck 6 years ago on and recently rejoined to be very disappointed—multiple scams, men posing to be something they are not, gold diggers, classless guys…needless to say I only lasted 3 weeks and then went to millionaire match and found the caliber of men much better, but still too many scams and just went off that site too.  The bottom line is I am disappointed and scared…too many weirdos for me…I would rather be alone than deal with that!    Afraid in NJ

  7. 97

    I was on Match a year. POF about 6 months and now OkCupid. I’ve dated until blue in the face. Folks in general not looking for long term. Having a great time serial dating.

  8. 98

    Per the comments above about a reasonably attractive woman not getting any traction on

    I was in the same boat (very few incoming messages from men) until I took Evan’s recent advice and took a profile shot that included some cleavage. Suddenly inundated. Don’t be afraid to ‘market’ yourself, ladies. BTW, the new profile pic is of me in a dress I wear all the time so it’s still ‘me.’

  9. 99

    I have been on Zoosk and POF, I am finding that there are more people there to scam than date.  I can recognize them now, but truly wonder where the decent people are.

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