Why Are So Many People Addicted To Online Dating?

Dear Evan,

Having the experience you do with online dating, I was wondering what you think about some of the psychology of online dating.  Is there a phenomenon of addiction to it?  I was wondering because it seems like so many people have profiles online either the same site or multiple sites for lengthy periods of time. I can search Match.com and then come back a year or two later and the same guys are still on the site and usually with the same picture.  Also, I dated a guy for a time who almost seems to be addicted.  What do you think?
Barb

Dear Barb,

There are two things going on in your question, and I want to address them separately:

First, let’s dispel the notion that there’s something wrong with someone who’s a) on Match.com two years after he signed up, and b) signed up for multiple dating sites.

Essentially, you’re saying, “I’m not a loser, player, commitmentphobe or dating addict, but any man who does the same thing that I’m doing must be.”

It’s pure hypocrisy. The only way you’d know if the same guy was on Match.com two years later is if YOU were on the site two years later. The only way you’d know that he’s also on eHarmony is if you’re ALSO on eHarmony. Essentially, you’re saying, “I’m not a loser, player, commitmentphobe or dating addict, but any man who does the same thing that I’m doing must be.”

So to set the record straight: going on multiple dating sites means that you’re looking to expand your options. Maybe your month ran out on JDate and you want to try SawYouAtSinai. Maybe the pickings were slim on Chemistry, so you branched out to PerfectMatch.

There is another myth in your question, Barb—the idea that someone who signed up on Match in January ‘06 and is still on in January ‘08 has been on for two consecutive years. Let’s say he dated seven people in his first two months and then found a happy relationship that lasted for a year and a half. After a month of mourning and attempted make-up sex, he reposts his profile once again. All YOU can see is that the same face is still on there, two years later, when, in fact, this guy is the perfect example of an online dating success. He loved, he lost, and he came back for more.

Yeah, I’M that guy….

Naturally, I’ve long been an advocate for online dating, not because it’s perfect, but because it ALWAYS created a love life for me. As a writer without a close-knit group of friends, who worked from home, and who bristled at the idea of picking up women at bars, this medium was a godsend. I had my first online girlfriend in 2000 for five months, fell in love in 2003 in a seven-month relationship, did it again in 2004 for four months, and had my last online girlfriend in 2006 for eight months. However, if you were watching my profile on JDate, you’d have assumed that I was online from 1998-2006 without any success.

In fact, in my dating heyday, I didn’t just try JDate. I tried Match, Chemistry, eHarmony, Nerve, AmericanSingles, Matchmaker… I’m probably even forgetting one or two places. You date someone for a month, you go back on. Three months, you go back on. Sometimes, when you leave, you don’t take your profile down—which leads you to be labeled an online dating addict by a woman who is on every single site herself.

And so it goes.

But you ARE onto something, Barb, which is that online dating CAN be addicting.

Just like alcohol can be used recreationally or abusively, so can Match.com. What’s similar is that the users always think that they’ve got it under control, and that nobody’s getting hurt in the process.

This is clearly not true.

There’s a delusional aspect to successful online dating—one that I’ve embodied—one that I’ve seen in my clients as well. You sign up on eHarmony because you’re serious about a relationship. You want marriage, you want kids, you’re ready for love. And then you start the process. Dozens of women parade across your screen, each younger, smarter, more attractive, more tantalizing than the last. Suddenly, you’re corresponding with 12 people online, have five phone numbers, and three dates scheduled in a weekend. This is not the GOAL, but an almost uncontrollable byproduct of the choice and volume inherent in online dating.

Don’t worry about the guys who seem like addicts. We’re all addicts—until we find the person who makes us want to kick our addiction.

And this is what gets lost on all the people who say that every man’s a player who’s just out to get laid. In fact, the vast majority of men (75% in an old Match poll) are looking for a long-term relationship. It’s just super difficult to settle on one person when you perceive that you have better options that are just a click away. This is the false temptation of online dating. We THINK we have the choice of everyone, when, in fact, we don’t. Why would I write to the 38 year old when I can write to the 28 year old? Why would you write to the guy who makes $50K when you could write to the guy who makes $150K? Or the 5’6” guy, when there’s bound to be a 5’10” guy somewhere in the system?

In real life, we meet people organically, feel attraction and learn about them later. We don’t know their age or their sign or their likes and dislikes. Online dating reverses that process. We learn about them first, and discover attraction later. This makes connecting easy and instantaneous, but it also allows us to dissect people and compare them to others side by side. And if you have anything going “against you”—height, weight, income, age—you’re often going to lose by comparison.

The real upshot, Barb, is that by understanding this—by being more open and forgiving of men, by keeping a positive attitude, by going on multiple sites, by persevering despite the frustration—you give yourself a much greater chance of success than if you said, “Online dating is bullshit, men are bullshit, I quit.”

Quitters never win. Winners never quit.

Don’t worry about the guys who seem like addicts. We’re all addicts—until we find the person who makes us want to kick our addiction.

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Comments:

  1. 31
    Selena

    Well JB,

    We’re out there! And we are not all pinched, bitter, and bogged down with baggage either. Lot’s of us are MORE fun than we were when we were in our 20′s and 30′s too!

    1. 31.1
      Sarah

      I will second your post, Selena.  My life has been full of fun for the last +-5 years and I’m 46 years old.  I know where I am in life and I like who I am.  

  2. 32
    Michele

    Selena thank you for posting (31).

    When in my 20′s was into grad school and career building…my 30′s were spent with my growing children. Looking back I was not real interesting dating material and also married.

    You are so on point about the baggage, etc., issues for “us” more mature chicks! Most of the men I date rather enjoy the fact that I am direct, yet sensual and fun. What tickles me is the younger guys who trip over themselves, claiming to desire the company of a woman in her 40′s or 50′s.

    I have met all of my (age appropriate) dates from online sites and will continue to do so. That said there are times when I may not be seeing someone, but that’s life.

    As far as an addiction….EMK wrote it best. The addiction becomes moot and insignificant if a true connection is made.

  3. 33
    Selena

    Michele, thank YOU for posting.

    If you have had success with online dating over 40, maybe I shouldn’t dismiss it based on what I’ve read. Personally, I feel free-er, more relaxed, less anxious, and more easy-going than I ever did when I was younger. And instead of dragging my ex’s and the go-with past BS around with me, all that is back in the corner of the attic, under a sheet, gathering dust. Where it belongs.

    Not something that was necessarily true when I was in my 20′s and 30′s.

  4. 34
    peggy rush

    hello all..i have been trying the on line dating thing at 52 yars old not alot of places to meet a good friend.. My problem is like the price of the site above a man had said some that you respond to dosn’t even give you a chance well there are alot i would love to respond to but all i can send is ice brakers and i feel so bad when i would love to give them my email address but can’t and truly money is an issue but very lonly and is stuck between a rock , so if you don’t get a responce MAYBE its not you but just can’t let them no why you can’t respond..Can anyone tell me a good FREE web site and maybe someone needs to start one maybe bloging in different areas could connect lonly people do we really believe in the 29 dem LOL the worse that could happen is we meet a friend in the same place we are in.. Thanks all this READING has helped me get thru some tuff times.

  5. 35
    Michele

    Selena.

    I love the way you describe how you have hidden your baggage – lol. Every once in a while my “baggage” surfaces…….then I realize that in order to get to point B (freedom and sanity), I had to struggle through point A….gets me back on track real quick.

    Online dating became a reality for me due to my residential venue. Have met some interesting men as well as certified jerks. The latter earlier in my search and since then have become relatively proficient at sorting out the good, the bad and the ugly.

    Have also experienced the highs of meeting someone who (I felt) fit every criteria (and then some) only to be disappointed. The disappointment of no call after the first or second date. I know Evan is on point when he writes that a lady should not make the “call.” but sometimes I wonder if I should step out of that box. Fortunately there was little invested on my part with those who chose not to see me again. My attitude has become I cannot be everything to everybody. Some men have led me to believe that we would see each other again – and that rejection has a sting. I now use a lot of learned caution.

    As an example…about a month ago started communicating with yet another nice guy. My “gut” told me that it wouldn’t work – he called me too often, if that makes sense. We made plans to meet for dinner and when I called him the day before, he asked if he could return my call in a few minutes. A few minutes came and went and by the 2nd day I knew my “gut” was correct. Quite frankly I didn’t even bother doing the analyses in his case.

    There have also been those who have made the “call” and I simply had no interest, so the rejection issue works both ways. Since reading EMK’s blog I have learned a number of new techniques and have found my self-esteem enhanced. Evan is a fountain of clear and certain mental perception about how men think. Although I cannot think like a man, I sort of know what to expect.

    There are a number of sites that target those over 40, too. Just scroll up on this page….they are all listed right here.

    I really do wish you the best, Selena. Program yourself to think in terms of enjoying the search….works for me.

  6. 36
    dadshouse

    I’m a 40-something single parent, and I think online dating SUCKS. I say that from years of experience with it. It sets unrealistic expectations and usually leads to disappointment. Studies have shown that most of the tens of millions of people who try online dating are not very satisfied with the experience. (I’ve blogged about this a lot.)

    As a writer and single parent who doesn’t have a built-in excuse to rub shoulders with many single adults during the course of my day, I bought into the notion that online dating was a valuable tool. And it was a good tool – for meeting random people for coffee and drinks and booty calls. But for finding love? Nope. Chemistry cannot be articulated in checkboxes and online prose. It is felt by the entire body in person.

    My advice – get to know yourself. Be happy with who you are. Accept your circumstances. Get out and mingle, flirt. You don’t have to go clubbing to do this – you can flirt at the grocery, in the coffee house, at an art festival or concert, at the gym. Live and enjoy your life. Be happy and grateful for all you have, and open to whoever walks in.

  7. 37
    Markus

    Good advice dadshouse. Going to try that for a while but I suspect it will be hard. :(

  8. 38
    Lee Coles

    Two can meet online, but there’s no substitute for eye contact and body language when it comes to bonding. Chat, IM and e-mail run contrary to some innate realities concerning attraction, and the building thereof.

  9. 39
    Lance

    @Jadee: What you’re describing is your basic flake, where the potential date just flakes out on you. I went through a long stretch where this happened to me many times, including the flake 3 hours before the date! My theory is that the other person is making dates, going on dates, or at least talking to a bunch of other dudes, and she simply selected me out of the group prior to the date. This used to piss me off but now I hold no grudges over flakes. It’s just part of the online dating process. So, much of converting dates via online is timing…basically catching the other person before 5 other people get to them. I know this is the case for women, because women are getting the bulk of the emails online, but I’m sure it happens for men also.

    @EMK and others: I’m actually interested in the “age problem,” ie figuring out the best ways for older singles to meet other people. I’ll do some research and see what I can find via my PU resources. There are plenty of older (40′s and 50′s) social artists, so they must deal with this issue in some form. I do have a promising story that I’ll drop into a separate comment…

  10. 40
    Steve


    Lee Coles May 20th 2008 at 11:55 am 38
    Two can meet online, but there’s no substitute for eye contact and body language when it comes to bonding

    I read that sentence really fast and thought I saw “bondage” as the last word instead. I need to cut back on caffeine.

  11. 41
    Lance

    Okay, here’s my story. I have an acquaintance, age 50, divorced with two teenage daughters. He found a great gal and got married a couple of years ago. What did he do? He took dance lessons and started going to singles dances…his theory was that women love to dance, so his game was dancefloor game. Brilliant! It’s worth noting he lives in Chapel Hill, which is great for college age singles, but lousy for singles his age. So, the answer for him was a bit of creativity. I think you can do things like this PLUS a few other things PLUS some online stuff and increase your odds dramatically.

  12. 42
    Steve

    Lance, post #41. Interesting comment!

  13. 43
    DEBS

    Ah, online dating.. have tried that, met a few nice guys but no chemistry there. Met my current boyfriend in a bar, lots of chemistry, he is fantastic !…………. that is until I caught him last week with four different profiles on four different dating sites after 6 months of dating me………….NOW i think the whole thing sucks :-(

    1. 43.1
      Sarah

      Hi Debs.  Sounds a bit like my scenario which I posted in response to Jadee, except I’m married to the bloke.  But, I’m going to take a positive approach.  He married me because I stood out amongst all the others that he was chatting to.  The only problem is, he can’t stop the chatting…..  
       

  14. 44
    Chris

    Online dating made me a misogynist.

  15. 45
    Tyler

    Post #44: Why?

  16. 46
    A-L

    Chris’ last comment made me curious about some of the other men on this site. Many of the men here have expressed their distrust and dislike of many women for their materialistic nature (dinner whores, etc). My question is, has online dating been the impetus for your negative feelings for any of the rest of you? Perhaps women’s profiles asking for men’s salaries to be 2-3x theirs, meeting women who are only using the men for dinner & drinks, etc. Or did dating in the “real” world shape you more, or some other cause?

    Not trying to recreate the gender war (we know where the more-cautious-about-women men stand) but want to figure out how they came to feel that way.

  17. 47
    Tyler

    I took to heart men’s complaints about women being dinner whores and came up with free 1st dates that the men I have dated have enjoyed — 1. Going on a walk with me and my puppy and then grabbing something coffee afterwards. I only do this with men who actually like dogs 2. Taking a walking tour of outdoor art in the downtown area where I live. If guys don’t want to take women to dinner for a first date (and I don’t think they have to), they should try to come up with something creative that incorporates something that the woman likes. Many women will give men bonus points if they think men are actually pays attention to the details.

  18. 48
    Harry

    I am 67 and I like dating younger women. That’s the way I like it. Why, women my age are fat,lazy and ugly. In intead of trying to make themselves younger by doing exercises at a fitness center, their sittuing on their butts watch tv and eating cake. I work out at Bally in WPB,Fl. I am also doing exercises on the face muscles. I order online dvd’s from Carole Maggio . I am trying to find out how old she is. I have better luck meeting women in a supermarkets than online dating, because I tell the truth about my age, and I get no where with it. If your looking for a sex date you shouldn’t be truthful about your age. If your 60, say your 50, but you better look like you’re 50.

    Harry

  19. 49
    OnlineDatingMatches.com

    The reason I am so addicted to online dating is simply because you can meet HUNDREDS of females in a matter of hours, instead of going out to a bar, striking out and coming home smelling of smoke and $40 poorer in bar tabs spent.

    Only problem is that over time you somewhat lose your “interpersonal communication” touch and after a few months of strictly doing online dating, you might find it a bit hard to pick up a girl in real life.

    Tip: Women in real life don’t respond too well if you tell them “LOL” after they tell you a funny joke !!

    OnlineDatingMatches.com´s last blog post…eharmony promotional code January 2009

  20. 50
    JB

    That’s BS ! The only way you (as a guy) can meet “HUNDREDS” of women online is if you or your profile looks like a “soap opera star” or a “model” otherwise you’ll meet very few if any. So don’t believe it. I cam meet more women in a bar in 20 minutes than 2 months online, but of course I’m not a model.

  21. 51
    Evan Marc Katz

    Actually, JB, if you get new photos, a new profile, and a new email technique, you can meet infinitely more women online. And if you don’t believe me, go to:

    http://www.findingtheoneonline.com

    If it doesn’t work for you, get all your money back.

    I’ll put my money where my mouth is.

    Will you?

  22. 52
    JB

    Evan, I’ve learned a lot from you and every other “guru” over the last few years. I respect all of the wisdom every person who’s selling a “system” online has (and at this point there’s about 500 of you…lol). I really do. I’m not noob,I’ve been doing this longer than you have(I’m in my 40′s) and I’ve garnered some wisdom,experience and knowledge myself. I’m not like most guys. I DO meet a FEW women online and OCCASIONALLY “hit it off” ;-) That’s why I keep playing….The word “addicted” has such a bad ring to it …lol

    I’ve put up alot of “test recon” profiles as well as tinkering and changing mine over the years so I know what really “goes on” online. I’ve put up long one’s,short one’s,funny one’s and serious one’s. There’s nothing wrong with my pictures (except my head is in them …lol) I’m a video graphics person for a living so I know what a quality jpeg is. As far as new email technique ? 99% of the time it doesn’t matter WHAT you say because the women will go for the good looking headshot that winks or says “hi” and nothing else over a humorous witty opening email who’s pic looks “average” <— what ever that means…lol When you see & play the game from ALL angles (male/female) then you understand why most men (and the statistics back me up on this as you know) quit online dating after 3 months.

    Evan, you and I both know there’s billions of horrible profiles online and these are the people that really need your help. They’re just not going to ask or pay for it. There’s not a doubt in my mind that you could help a lot of these guys do “better” than they do. Will they meet “hundreds” after using yours or any other guru’s system ??? Of course not, but for most that never meet any meeting one or 2 is 100% improvement. Most of these guys (and gals) can barely string 3 sentences together to make a coherent profile to go along with the 2 blury old pics they scrounged up from god knows where…lol Sometimes I look at someone’s pic and say to myself “where could you find a pic that bad,of that horrible quality and how can have the nerve to put it up in public ?” …ha ha ha.

    I guess I just have a problem with anybody telling a lot of these guys that IF just do “THIS” or “BUY” that and learn “THIS ROUTINE” that they’re gonna meet & have “HUNDREDS” of beautiful women in their life. When it’s not true. They might get a couple ..lol

    BTW Evan for your latest project you should of shot video instead of an just audio. You were great in Christian Carter’s vid. Don’t even get me started on Christian Carter …..lol

  23. 53
    Michael Ejercito

    So don’t believe it. I cam meet more women in a bar in 20 minutes than 2 months online, but of course I’m not a model.
    And every one of them was available?

    None had boyfriends, let alone husbands?

  24. 54
    Evan Marc Katz

    I wouldn’t entirely disagree with what you’re saying, JB, except for the following points.

    I’ve been doing this since 1997, even when friends made fun of me. So if you’ve been doing it longer, God bless you.

    To be blunt, the reason most men don’t have success online is because they’re overshooting their reach. Meaning – men who are 5′s want to date 8′s. And there’s no logical reason why a woman who is an 8 should date anyone but a 7, 8, 9, or 10. Alas, men don’t see it that way, and flail around for 3 months before quitting.

    My clients are NOT the mainstream (sadly). Illiterate people don’t read this blog, nor buy E-Cyrano or FindingTheOneOnline. They certainly don’t come to me for expensive private coaching. Most of my readers are extraordinarily intelligent and successful people who just aren’t that good at online dating. Great folks with average photos/profiles/email/understanding of the medium and the opposite sex. Which is why they invariably get astounding results. It’s like a smart kid taking a Kaplan SAT course and his score jumping by 300.

    I think it’s clear that I’m not like most gurus – and proudly. I refuse to write down to people and believe that anything I offer depends entirely on the person applying it. I could be the world’s greatest dating coach, but if you’re the world’s worst date, you still wouldn’t have great results with my system. I’m a realist, if anything.

    Thanks for your contributions and thanks for contributing to an important dialogue.

    Best,

    Evan

  25. 55
    Kenley

    I think it would be very helpful if Onlinedatingmatches and Evan clarify what they mean. Sure you can SEE hundreds of women online, but actually MEETING them in person is quite different. Moreover, what’s the time frame for meeting all these women — not just sharing an email or two — but meeting face to face. From what I’ve read, it doesn’t seem like many men do MEET hundreds of women dating online.

    Even though I’m sure online dating experts will disagree with me on this, I really believe the perceived abundance of people online greatly interferes with people making connections because both men and women dismiss each other at the slightest — and I do mean slightest — infraction because they believe there are hundreds of better — no perfect — people just one mouse click away. So, if a person meets 80% or even 90% of what you are looking for, they will get dumped because people think the person that meets 100% of what they want has just signed on to Match or eHarmony or whatever. Do I voice this observation to suggest that people shouldn’t date online, no. Online dating is most definitely here to stay and will be growing. So there is no point in wishing for the good old days. I’m just disappointed that going the online route makes dating even harder because you feel like you are in an assembly line and that guys are almost too eager to say…NEXT. I never really thought about it before, but I think there may be a certain level of ego boosting in rejecting people. “Sorry, sweetie, you’re just not good enough for me. Step aside so I can I meet my dream girl/guy who is perfect in every way.”

    Despite my issues with online dating, let me provide completely unsolicited support for why I think Evan’s point about changing your profile could make a big difference. In one email highlighting his services, Evan included his profile and what really struck me was that it very definitely was different from the typical profiles you see. Moreover, while it would engage and entertain any woman who read it, it really invited a particular sort of woman to respond to him — a really, really smart lady with strong family ties. So, right off the bat, I would have know that I wasn’t his type — I’m only moderately smart and I think family is overrated. I think that level of specificity is good because then it feels like you have a much better chance of being compatible in the areas that really matter which then might lead to better quality dates and then relationships. Now that I think back on my internet dates when I am 100% honest with myself, the primary reason that we met was physical attraction — he thought I was attractive and I thought he was. So perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised that very few of my dates went anywhere as I often discovered that my dates and I just weren’t a good fit.

  26. 56
    JB

    There’s no doub’t Evan that both men & women online “overshoot & reach”. I know I do occasionally but I also “undershoot and lower down” just to see if I get a response. That’s when you find out the woman who’s a 2 or 3 will only respond to a guy who’s an 8,9, or 10 and I know because I’M BOTH GUYS (2 profiles) and watch it everyday. It’s actually very funny and disheartening. We actually call this “Prince Charming syndrome”. You’re right there is no reason a woman who’s an 8 should “date down” but online there’s millions of 3′s-6′s that are waiting for the 2 Prince Charming’s they see on their site in their mile radius to email them and sweep them off their feet. So they wait …….. and wait………. and HE never emails them no matter how much they “look” at his profile every day or wink. And believe me they do. In the mean time Joe average who’s a 4 or a 5 get’s nothing and quits.

    Of course your not like most guru’s,you’re one of the best and the sharpest dating coaches around. Admired and respected by both men & women which is rare …lol. That’s why I enjoy this blog & banter even though sometimes I’ll play the devil’s advocate. I think we both started doing this at the dawn of the internet (1997 or so) but yes even before then there were newspaper personals where we used “snail mail” if you can believe it …lol Boy do I have stories from then ….lol

    And Micheal, sure when you meet a bunch of women in a bar any given night some are unavailable for a number of reasons just like some women online are dating 3 or 4 guys. The difference is in a bar it’s “immediate”. So all I was saying is that for SOME guys it’s easier to actually meet more women that way.

  27. 58
    Kenley

    JB,

    I am curious to know what would you have done if one of those women below had responded? Based on what I read, it didn’t appear that you had any real interest in them. You just wanted to see what they would do. Would you have ignored her and frustrated her the way men are frustrated by attractive women? Would you have gone out with her with the feeling that she really wasn’t worthy of you? I also wonder why you felt an experiment was necessary to confirm that women are much more likely to communicate with a handsome man versus an average one? We all know that’s true. Did your experiments get you any new information about women and online dating?

    One time, I went out with a man who clearly thought I was below him and let me tell you it was one of the absolute worst dates ever. He made it very clear that he was slumming and I felt awful. As a result of that awful date, I just don’t think men or women should go out with people they don’t think are attractive. In my experience, nothing good ever comes out of it. So, I don’t criticize people who only respond to people they find appealing. Perhaps they may never meet anyone, but I think being alone is better than trying to force yourself to date someone who doesn’t turn you on in some way.

  28. 59
    A-L

    I am also skeptical about anyone, male or female, being able to meet hundreds of people in a couple of months (much less in a few hours as OnlineDatingMatches intimated). That being said, however, I think it’s entirely possible to meet a sufficient number of people on dates via online dating sites and see what works out for you.

    In fact, I’d bet that the people who have been online dating the longest might actually be the best ones to contact, because they’ve gotten over their initial kid in a candy store/grass is always greener/perfection is two clicks away mentality. Not to say that relative newbies can’t work out, but that one shouldn’t ex off someone because they’ve been there awhile.

    Also, I think online dating actually opens up a whole new pool of women for guys. Those who don’t like the bar scene and aren’t fond of being picked up elsewhere (the bookstore, gas station, etc).

  29. 60
    JB

    Well Kenley the experiment wasn’t to see if women are much more likely to communicate with a handsome man versus an average one. That’s obvious. It was more to see if the women that are 3′s-5′s would give an average guy a chance when the “9″ ignored them like THEY themselves do to millions of average guys every day.
    Whenever I email anyone who …..shall I say I’m a little “less enthusiastic” about IF they respond I chat with them just like I would for someone who’s profile I’m crazy about. They might have a great personality and be fun to meet for a drink. I’m not one of these “looking for a wife/soulmate/ best friend/”THE ONE”/you have to be perfect yadda yadda yadda” online daters. I like all types of women, I just have fun with it. BTW I’m not emailing 1′s and 2′s that I would never want to be seen with etc just to mess with them. I’m not mean.
    I never ignore any woman who return my email with my REAL profile. My “gorgeus hunk recon” profiles on the other hand can sometimes give ladies a nice dose of what THEY do to hundreds of guys everyday. Believe me some of these ladies have NEVER gotten a “Thanks but I just don’t think we’re a good match” email or just been plain ignored after showing interest etc …. So it’s important they see how that feels. I’m sure it won’t change their future behavior …lol

    The experiments have taught me what a lot of us already know. The bottom 95% of men and women on any website “looks wise” spend a lot of time emailing or hoping to get a return email from the top 5% on the site all the while they basically ignore each other. Obviously the top 5% are dating each other as they should be and have very little need for the bottom 95%. Men, more so than women will lower their standards and “take what they get” much more often than women will because that’s our nature. I’m not saying 2 “5′s” NEVER email each other meet and “hit it off” but it’s not the norm it’s rare. It’s also taught me that the “average Joe” online has almost no value because “average Jane” won’t be interested in him.So what does he do ? He quits. Evan can help a lot of these average Joe’s make better profiles so that they WILL do a little better. But not “hundreds” …lol

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