Why Do Women in Their 30s Not Want to Date Men in Their 40s?

I’m a 42 year old single male who recently left a 5 year relationship for various reasons, but mainly because I wanted kids and she did not. I thought that since I was an attractive, fit, well-educated, financially and emotionally secure guy that I would have no problem finding a woman in her mid 30s to settle down with and start a family. I have tried a combination of online dating, speed dating, professional singles events, volunteering, happy hours etc. and have had very few dates over the past year. I thought that online dating would be great since you are essentially pre-screening people for dates. I have found that I get no responses from any women online and the only women who respond to my ad are usually much older and don’t meet any of my criteria outlined in my profile.

I am told that women want to settle down and have kids, etc., but their actions seem to be to the contrary. At singles events, women come in groups and are reluctant to talk to men. In online situations, women say they want desperately to meet a nice guy like me, but never answer my response to their profile. I am trying to remain positive, but two things are really bothering me. One, that younger women are no longer interested in dating men who are even just slightly (3-5 years) older than them and sometimes want to date men 5-10 years younger then them. Two, women seem to be content in the fact that they are independent and self-sufficient and have a career, family and friends that fulfills them and don’t seem to be interested in truly finding a relationship. I find the latter hard to believe, but find this mantra in every profile of every professional woman online. Any advice on how to navigate these new paradigms in the dating world?

Adam

Dear Adam,

You came to the right place.

And to directly address your email, I have to divide my response into two different parts: 1) What You’re Getting Right and 2) What You’re Missing.

Let’s start with What You’re Missing. We’ll do What You’re Getting Right next week.

Why Do Women in Their 30s Not Want to Date Men in Their 40sWhat you’re missing is that what you want has absolutely no relation to what women want. We’ve addressed this before, from an older man who couldn’t possibly fathom why a younger woman wouldn’t want to be with him. This isn’t all that much different. We can complain that the opposite sex is unrealistic and passing up great opportunities – and we’d be right – but it doesn’t change that people want what they want. It’s not fair. It’s not right. It just IS.

From 25-34, men play around a lot. Why? Because they can. They have a lot of dating options, they’re building their careers, and there isn’t a clear urgency to settle down.

Once a guy crosses 35, however, he (theoretically) tends to get more serious.

What you’re missing is that what you want has absolutely no relation to what women want.

Alas, the women with whom he wants to get serious are 27-34. This gives men time to court, fall in love, travel together, move in, get engaged, and enjoy a few years of childless marriage before starting a family.

The problem is that many women from 27-34 are independent professionals just like their male peers. They, too, have a lot of dating options, are busy building their careers, and don’t have a clear urgency to settle down.

Then she hits 35. Theoretically, this is when she starts to get more serious. This is also when all the problems start.

Because 35-40-year-old men who are ready to settle down still want to have time before becoming dads. Thus, their target market remains women, 27-34 – who may not be ready to settle down quite yet. These women still have money to make, places to travel and oats to sow.

The 35-40-year-old women who ARE ready for marriage, unfortunately, are roundly ignored by the men they desire – their 35-40-year-old peers. These women are youthful and find themselves far more attracted to men in their 30’s than their 40’s.

…the bigger takeaway is that ALL of us are very judgmental on age.

Which brings us to you, Adam. You say you’re looking for a woman in her mid-30’s. That’s perfectly fair. But if none of them are looking for you, your wheelhouse is going to be women in their late 30’s to early 40’s:

Find the people who want you. It’s the same exact advice I give to women in their early 40’s who want men in their early 40’s…except men in their early 40’s want women in their 30’s.

And around and around we go.

I’m being a bit unfair, Adam, because there IS a market for a 42-year-old man – and you can certainly be doing better than you’re currently doing. Pick up a copy of www.findingtheoneonline.com and it should make a difference. Seriously. But the bigger takeaway is that ALL of us are very judgmental on age. To a 34 year old woman, 42 sounds OLD. To a 42-year-old man who wants his own biological children, anything above 36 is getting into risky territory. The lesson to all of you younger readers: take your love life seriously when you turn 30, instead of waiting until you’re 35 or 40.

36
25

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Comments:

  1. 571
    Hayleyp

    I have enjoyed reading theses comments and some people are right on the money about biology nature is unfair to women but younger women will alwyas be more attracive because of thier fertlitly. You migt be in your thirties and look younger but you are not.  Youth only comes around once in a lifetime and there is no getting it back.

  2. 572
    Hayleyp

    A women may keep herself up and look good on the oustsie but the one thing she ccan not change is her voice. A young person naturally has a higer and more sexier voice.

  3. 573
    Marc

    This is a tired discussion that will go round and round forever. In general, I believe these discussions are kept alive by 40+ women who are upset that guys their age are not interesed in them. (At least the guys that THEY like).
    .
    I am a 33 yo male who lives and travels throughout Latin America. I do meet women online, and I am “tuned in”, as I pay close attention. My personal research has concluded the following….
    Women at..
    18-22 are looking for guys their age, maybe 3-5 years older
    23-28 (this is where women seek the biggest age gap) are looking for guys 10-15 years older.
    29-39 are looking for guys a Little closer in age, about 5-7 years older
    40+ are actually looking for guys slightly younger to 7 years older. This is where is gets weird because women at this age want guys their age, and this is when guys are looking for the biggest age gap. (younger obviously)
    Many women dont want older guys when they are 30+ but know they will be lonely if they dont capitulate, as most quality guys would rather play the field forever and sleep with many average girls, than commit themselves to an older woman forever.
    Girls try to shame older men into “wanting” older women, but we cant argue with Mother Nature and her 3 billion years of wisdom. She progammed us. If a 26 year old woman wants to date an 18 year old man, so be it. Who cares? If she wants a 77 year old, whatever? What do I care, has nothing to do with me, as I am neither. I just find women who want a guy my age, simple. Women should do the same.

  4. 574
    Dee

    Oh my :(  I’m a 43 year old woman.  I don’t consider myself the most hottest woman but I certainly am no haggard either.  I’m 5’8 115 lbs., own my own business, have my own passions and interests, physically attractive and have been approached by men from their early 20′s (for sex), 30′s (possibly for sex), 40′s (date or two, possibly for sex) 50′s (maybe for dating but possibly ends for sex) 60′s (now we’re talking gross).  It is very discouraging to know that when a woman approaches 40+ you seriously get put out to pasture.  I don’t understand it.  I would prefer to date someone 5 years within my age and it really makes me mad I’m judged because I’m 43.  I’d rather be single at this point than to have to deal with the immaturity and shallowness of men of all ages these days!  It’s completely unfair and unrealistic on the sides of both genders!  I do wish that it was easier to meet a sincere, genuine person.  I do agree we all have to be attracted to the opposite sex and 100% agree that it’s important to take care of oneself as they age.  I have done that and still maintain for my own preference.  What is one to do??  I’m not looking to get married but it surely would be nice to find a person to share life with but I’m thinking from what I’m hearing, reading and experiencing, it isn’t going to happen.  Ho hum!

  5. 575
    Fi

    @ Marc #600
    Many women dont want older guys when they are 30+ but know they will be lonely if they dont capitulate, as most quality guys would rather play the field forever and sleep with many average girls, than commit themselves to an older woman forever.
     
    I’m assuming when you are talking about “quality” guys, you’re only referring to their physical quality? Because to me that’s totally not the “quality” that I’m looking for. If all guys at my age (IF, I’m not saying that’s what the reality is) are only planning to “play in the field,”  I’d rather be single forever. (HELLO!being single IS and OPTION too!)
     
    Now I do feel the benefit being a single mother because I no longer have the “biological clock ticking” problem! muahahaha!

  6. 576
    Sparkling Emerald

    OK, I admit, I didn’t read the whole article, but I wish online dating was around when I was in my 30′s.
    I would have LOVED to have met an attractive 40 something year old man looking to for a wife and future mother of his children.  I actually had a (brief) relationship with a 42 year old man starting when I was 29, on the cusp of 30 (my 30th birthday was one of our dates) 
    The problem wasn’t that I didn’t want to settle down, or that I wasn’t into him.  (In fact, his being 40 something was a BIG part of the attraction, he seemed so sexy, confident and sophisticated compared with men in my age group) The problem was, he was divorced, had grown children (21 & 19) so he had been there, done that, wasn’t sure if he wanted to do it again. Also, since he married young and was freshly divorced, he wanted to “play the field”.  And YES, I was one of those women who believed the positives and not the negatives (he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship)  He kept telling me he was “torn” between wanting to be exclusive with me (I think I was his rebound girl) and wanting to explore his options.  I would have LOVED to have met the never married, ready to settle down version of him when I was in my 30′s.
    So to the original OP, don’t give up, there is a girl out there who’s looking for someone exactly like you.  Maybe MOST girls in their 30′s want men their own age, but there are many who find older men intoxicating. (I know I did ! ) And a 30 something girl with no children, who wants children, well you could be just what SHE’s looking for.  I know that was true for me.
     

  7. 577
    Marc

    254

    “Attractive 25 year old women” may be considered less attractive when compared to other 25 year old women than when compared to attractive or middling thirtysomething or fortysomething year old women. Dating significantly older (7 years plus) is how less attractive young women sometimes “make up the difference.” I see older men pursuing younger women, the likes of whom they wouldn’t have looked at twice when they themselves were at their attractiveness peak and “young women” were their default dating pool instead of an inherent luxury. In my teens and early 20s, I was largely ignored by men my own age. Who showed up, though? Older men… in droves. Many girls embrace it - I’ve heard them discuss similar phenomena in glowing terms - I spent that entire time wondering what was wrong with me because I wasn’t deemed good enough by guys my own age. Now that I’ve found them, I do not care if I “peaked” at 21, I feel much more attractive *now* at 25 because a higher number of more attractive men in their 20s are showing interest in me.
    .
    Good points. I find myself attracted to younger women whom I KNOW I would have never looked at twice when I was her age. I think as we age, we appreciate youth more. I am 33, and would never consider dating a woman my age or older, although I would/have dated my peers up to my late 20s.
    .
    I think overall youth trumps beauty. My friends and have these types of conversations often. We ask things like “choose, girl with a 10 body, and 7 face, or a 10 face and 7 body?” or “All things being equal, would you marry a 20 year old “6″, or a 30 year old “9″?”. (all responded with a 20 year old “6″, even though we understand that she will never be a 9, those extra 10 years of youthfulness are priceless).
    .
    @Kline, he speaks a lot of truth, he just wraps it up in a rough package, making everyone fight with him! LOL. I know Evan at one time remarked “I have a 42 yo wife because I wanted a woman not a girl”. For me its the opposite. I dont want a “woman”, I definitely want a “girl”. If I can see the old woman in her face, and face it people, sometimes you can, even in a 20 year old, I wont date her.
    .
    Everyone is bickering about what the other sex should want. Dont get worked up over it. Just find someone who is looking for someone in your age range, simple really. I am 33, and date girls from 17 to 22. (legal where I live), but I understand not all 20 year olds want a 33 year old. So guess what? I dont date THOSE PARTICULAR GIRLS!
    .
    Another thing I find some women here saying is “I am 40 and I date 26 year old guys”, or “20year old guys hit on me”. Dating, or being hit on by a 25 year old when you are 40 is definitely not a compliment. It is value lowering behavior for both parties. He is either insecure, or wants a ONS gilf situation, and you would be using him for maratón sex or something similar. The younger girl/older guy dynamic can be value raising for both, but the opposite, not so much.

    1. 577.1
      tamara

      I’m very curious, when u and your friends talk about choosing between the lady with a ’10 face and 7 body, or 7 face and 10 body’, what is the general consensus? I’ve always wondered that, lol.
      Of course, women with either are pretty rare u know, but that’s a different story

  8. 578
    Cat

    @Marc 604 – I couldn’t agree with you more that a 40 year old woman being “hit on” by a 26 year old man is not a compliment. Oddly enough, so many women in their 40′s still will try a date or 2 with a much younger man thinking she must be really “hot” because this kid wants to take her out. The real story is a 26 year old man sees a 40+ yr old woman as a “notch in the belt” opportunity & an experience with a MILF & that is it. No matter how “HOT” she thinks she is at 40+…I am SO glad I never put myself in that situation. I have a dear friend who “dated” a much younger man last year, she was 40, he was 28 & surprise surprise he “wasn’t ready” for a relationship. She fell head over heels & I told her from the start he was no good. He would call her about once a week, feed her some stupid bullshit line to get her in bed & then disappear for a few weeks, until he was horny again. Thank god it didn’t last too long, but she was definitely a notch in his belt & something to tell his buddies about. What I don’t understand is the draw a MILF is to so many younger men? Why would a man in his twenties want to experience some “old broad” in her 40′s? I don’t  care how hot she is, she’s still over 40. I don’t mean to offend anybody out there, I am a 44 year old woman myself. I am thankful I was smart  enough when I was single to not get sucked in by some 20-something year old kid that wanted to “give it a go” with a 40+ yr old woman & be used & tossed out. For all you ladies out there that are 40+ & have some kid wanting to take you out, don’t do it, unless you don’t mind being a “notch”!

  9. 579
    Sparkling Emerald

    Cat 605 -
     
       I know 3 women who married younger men.  2 with an approx 20 year age diff, one with a 10 year age diff.  One ended in divorce, AFAIK, the other 2 marriages are intact.  It’s not always about a notch in the belt, but FTR, my preferred age range that I have in both my online profiles is plus or minus 10 years of my age.

  10. 580
    Marc

    Many women here claim to be 40, but look 30. I can tell you that 3million years of Mother Natures instinct has kept us men way more advanced than any surgeons knife, or any syringe of filler. We look at any woman and think “yes, she looks good for 40, and her procedures are not overboard”, but we NEVER think you are 30.
    .
    Us men dont care if youre 40 and interested in 40 year olds, or 20 year olds, or even 70 year olds. Why do so many women here care about what us men are interested in? Everyone has their age range in which they look. If youre 40 and want a guy that wants a 40 year old, find him. They are out there. Im 33, and interested in girls in their late teens to early twenties. So women are that interesed in teenage to early twenty guys are overlooked by me. I simply dont engage them. What gives here? Its simple. Dont try to change society at large, just…..flow.

  11. 581
    Cat

    @Marc 607 – again, I couldn’t agree with you more. There are a lot of women (& men) here that claim to be 45 “but look 30″ etc etc. I agree with you, a woman that is 45 & looks good for her age still just “looks good for over 40″. And yes, I agree Mother Nature has honed men’s skills in determining women’s ages, no mater the amount of work done. And you’re right also that no one should try SO hard to “look young for their age” so they can find a younger date. Date who you date. It seems harder for women in the dating game at an older age (based on physical attractiveness) than it is for men, but life isn’t fair. It is what it is. I am glad I am not single or dating. It seems horrific out there in the dating world!

  12. 582
    CaliforniaGirl

    Interesting how men here try to convince women that they are old and undesirable and they can tell their age by just looking at them. Everyone is different and every situation is different. I am 36 and have been dating a 29 old guy for more than 3 years. His friends think I am in mid to late twenties. Before him I dated a guy 10 years younger for almost 2 years. I find most men in their forties boring and bitter. Most of them do not put any effort in their appearance and usually are angry at life and women. They are lazy and square and think that I’d be thrilled to go out with them to some cheap place for just drinks where they ask if my Prada purse is fake because how the hell a single woman can afford a designer bag :) I would rather date younger good looking guys without money but they can have fun even for free and their feelings are genuine and they are excited to see me and they actually show it.

  13. 583
    Marc

    @609 Well put. I feel the same as you in regard to women in their 30s and 40s.
    .
    In regard to the Prada purse. It may be just a random example, if it isnt, has anyone ever told you that if you actually bought a real Prada purse, you fell for a scam? With wealth comes responsibility. Look at the Price of the bag in relation to your net worth. It should be roughly  .000000000000567%. If it isnt, youve been tooled by a rich corp that targeted your vulnerability. BTW, my Jeep is less than 1% of my net worth. Just sayin.

  14. 584
    Kathleen

    Ca girl 609   I agree with you!
    It seems younger guys are more attracted to me even though Id be very happy with a guy my age .
     It was an awkward moment though the other night when my date got carded!!! LOL  ( Hey he was legal at 35)  
     

  15. 585
    Julie

    Cold comment, but the truth. There is no nice way to ask a man if his reproductive organs still get good turgor pressure. One indicator is whether he’s fit and not carrying excess weight, because it suggests good circulation. A whole lot of guys over 40 have circulation that is not as good as it used to be, and drive that is not as good as it used to be.
     
    Okay, people age. No problem. But a lot of guys think that because women are usually willing to overlook a bit of extra weight more than guys are (hypocrisy note: I’m currently at the upper end of my range, fighting my way back down), that weight plus age isn’t going to be a problem.
     
    If you’re 37 and carrying fifty extra pounds and a spare tire, your plumbing probably still works. If you’re 57, not so much. It’s fantastic that magic pills exist to help with that, because aging happens to everybody. But then you have the guys who won’t admit they have a problem and whose “just won’t work” attempts are much more frequent than they were at 37. It’s very difficult not to feel insecure when you’re with a guy and he can’t perform. Yes, I know it’s horrible for him–and the gal desperately wants to be able to make it better. And sometimes succeeds. And then he concludes it all still works–except that getting it to work is exhausting and a turnoff. So it turns what should be a fun mutual experience (at least) into a sympathy bang.
     
    Men want women who can have their children. Women want men who can copulate. And since there’s no easy way to ask, a lot of women just don’t go out with that older guy.
     
    I’m not sure there’s a good answer. Women are likely lie about their weight and age and number of partners. Men who have difficulty copulating are very likely to lie about it.
     
    About the best suggestion I can give a guy is to make sure when the dating moves to a steamy, full-length embrace, that body language does his talking for him.
     
    And if you can’t do that, then look for dates among women your own age and be willing to get medical help.
     
    “40 year old men can’t keep up with us” means “if your equipment no longer ‘just works’ and it takes active, focused effort from the gal to get it to work instead of her simply being a considerate, good lover, then you’re not fun. You’re a chore and should expect to pay someone for that service.”
     
    We middle-aged women don’t want to hear, “Babe, you’ve gotta lose some weight and be prepared to date seven to ten years older, among men not shopping to be daddies.”
     
    Men probably don’t want to hear that their sexual function–how many “off days” they have compared to the other guys in her dating pool–matters. It matters a lot. And why your weight matters if you’re older is because if your added weight and sedentary lifestyle isn’t yet affecting your performance, it probably will.

  16. 586
    Julie

    If a guy wants kids and is financially stable, and the woman also wants kids, and she’s 37 or older, he may be able to get her to agree that if either or both of them have tests that show reproductive problems with their gametes, they’ll use a donor. 
     
    I’m not saying this is necessarily his first choice, but if his choice is between a gold-digger who doesn’t want to have his babies (but lies) versus a woman who wants to have his babies but would need an egg donor, then plan A gives him no biological kids of his own and plan B gives him a decent chance. Given that he is aging, too, and his clock is ticking on quality and quantity, he’s probably best off going with a plan B attitude with each woman he dates, regardless of her age.

  17. 587
    CaliforniaGirl

    @610 Marc, what age are women you are dating?
    In regards to Prada purse, it was a gift so I don’t care but it makes me feel good :)

  18. 588
    Joe

    @ Julie #612:
     
    Sure, men may overstate their virility, and women may understate their age and weight.  On the other hand, it’s a hell of a lot easier for a man to pop a boner pill than it is for a woman to lose 10 years or 20 lb.

  19. 589
    InTotalAgreement

    When I was in my younger to mid 30′s, I was more willing to date men 40-45, because I THOUGHT that he would be a more suitable mate, but the guys, even though they were stable, never had kids, or 1-2 children and wanted more were willing to settle down…they were kinda mean and controlling.  They wanted to change me and make me less vibrant and more…angry. lol  I found that they perceived their future wife as someone who was unhappy and they felt like they would be and answer to all of her problems.  That wasn’t me and so I ended up dating much much younger men who were more willing to accept me as I am.  I unfortunately do have the career, kids, been there and done that, but act like I’m maybe late twenties and look like I’m in my early to mid twenties.  Now that I’m 39 and STILL have not found “the one”, the mid to late twenty year olds now look at me as an awesome playmate, but not to be taken seriously.  The mid 30 guys see me as hot, but once they find out how old I am, they also see me as playmate material.  The late 30′s guys are willing to give it a chance, because they’ve more than likely have had kids or see us as being on the same level.  The early 40′s guys?  Forget it.  They’re afraid of my energy and are intimidated by my looks…because I LOOK like I’m in my early twenties…so they automatically assume that I’m interested in someone who is not them.  If this continues on…I can totally see myself going back to dating upper aged men and ending up with someone in their mid 50′s who is more secure in who he is and ends up walking around with a woman on his arm who looks like she’s in her mid twenties, but is actually 40 years old.
    For instance….I’m doing tough mudder this year.  Yayyyyy me!!! But on the daily, I’m a girlie girl.  I like being this balanced although men mid 20′s to mid 40′s have had a tough time with it.  The only thing I’m not comfortable about IS my facial appearance.  I wish I were more plain jane or even older looking.  Then guys wouldn’t be so weirded out either way.

  20. 590
    MR

    Just date someone peer-aged. You grew up with the same fashions, music and so on. Why do you need to have someone who is from a different generation? It’s just a little silly. If we are going to get into the reproductive arguement, you may not want old or few eggs, yet we might not want old-man sperm. There is now evidence that the sperm does actually have something to do with the health of the baby. Wasn’t it once thought that you could cut off a woman’s head if she didn’t produce a son and heir?

  21. 591
    SAL9000

    First, these comments about being turned off, or disgusted, or raising Cain about the lack of “inequality” or w/e, regarding men dating “younger” women ARE TO BE IGNORED. They are bitter, cynical, jealous, mean, and sadly, likely reflective of the continence and life position of the person from which they come. Second, women in their 30s WILL surely date a man in his 40s, you just have to find the right ones. Third, truth is a (single, even never-married) man can maintain his market value into his 40s but he has to keep it together – stay in great shape, dress with the times, have an interesting and stable life, know how to talk to women, have a good career, etc. (And yes, if posters haven’t figured out, that is me – at almost 41 I have ZERO problems only dating women in the age bracket of 30 – 36). Also, seems like you’re using as your yardstick manufactured “dating” situations (singles events, speed dating, and the worst of the worst, online dating). If you expect any sort of high % success here you’re expecting too much. At least for me (though admittedly I am highly selective) it takes me ~15-25 attempts to get a dating situation off the ground (= 3 dates with the same woman). So, Adam, in short, you just gotta churn and burn till you find what you’re looking for, with the caveat you may need a life tuneup of some sort. 

  22. 592
    Mandy

    This is the OPPOSITE of true for me. Throughout my 20s it became a pattern for me to date 40+ aged men, and at age 32, I just love them to pieces, still – My current boyfriend who I live with and am very much in love with is 41. The ones I’ve had in loving relationships with turn me on much more than men my own age, because of maturity level and life experience. It may also have to do with them being “in charge” for me. It allows me to feel quite secure. When I have dated men my age I usually ended up feeling annoyed with the fact that they still like to laugh at fart jokes. It seems like the more mature ones will actually want more to have a no-kidding, fascinating conversation with me. As far as biological clocks, that counts too. For some reason I attract men who aren’t interested in children, which is good for me, because I’m not looking to have any. Don’t give up. I say open your mind and your dating pool and the people who come your way might surprise you!

  23. 593
    Paula

    I think the OP needs a reality check. There are women over 34 who can have children. If anything, he needs to not only worry about the woman but if his own boys can swim. Honestly this OP sounds like a jerk, thinking he’s entitled automatically to a younger woman. Like why? What makes you think you should get what you want because you want it? He does need to aim for women closer to his age.
     
    Also I agree with the idea mentioned earlier about how online dating sites should not post age. I am now lying about my age because I’m getting sick of old farts over 45 hitting on me. I am 34 and want a man under 40 so now I am 30. In real life, I pass for 26-28 and people are not as hung up on age, but rather personality. I did go out with a man in his 40s but that didn’t work out so it’s not like I don’t give people a chance.

  24. 594
    Sara

    Women in their 30s feel like they’re getting old, and it freaks them out.
    Being with an older man makes us feel even older by proxy.  
    Also, we are holding on to hope of having children, and we don’t want them to have a geezer for a dad.

  25. 595
    anon

    First off dating has nothing to do with age for women not wanting to date.
    Women in general are no longer interested in sex period or dating. 90% of women on sites like okstupid have zero interest in sex. the whole agething is nonsense and rediculous. someone 10 years older than you is not old enough to be your “dad”. Unless you come from a trailer park in alabama someone 1-17+ your age is not old enough to be your father. Most of you idiot women agebashing men arent generaly here to date. your thier to pickup guys with money and your largely thier to waste time and windowshop. Guys like 80 year old millionare hugh hefner have no problems finding women. In an area of los angeles that i live in, suburbs of millions of people on site like okstupid thier are 35 women seeking casual sexual encounters vs. over 1,000+ men to put things in perspective. Its not you guy, its not your age. women, unless you can give them social connections, drugs or money generaly dont like sex and have severe emotional problems and are generaly fruitcakes in my experience because they have severe intimacy issues. guys are the opposite and are generaly overly emotional and generaly ready to have sex all the time. Homosexuality has become so popular especialy with men largely do to the fact that women no longer are interested in sex. Interestingly enough I accidently put in my age was 18 and didnt realize it and did a search, on okcupid it lists my desired agerange as 18-22. nothing but fruitcakes out thier sadly, the internet is generaly where women who dont like sex, cant keep men interested go to date and where men go who cant get laid. real popular people and generaly ones you want dont need internet dating. they have cellphones for that.
    Dont take the internet seriously because 9 out of 10 women are men online. Thier are generaly all kinds of agephobe fruitcakes out thier, i get ranked as being daddy by a 30 year old who’s 5 years younger than me, then i get hits from 18-19 year olds. dating is like gardening, you gotta pull alot of weeds to find a flower.

  26. 596
    Jeannie

    To JOE:  Men don’t just need to pop a pill.  If they are very overweight or sometimes just over 40, they lose their sex drive.  A pill doesn’t do anything for that.  You men think you corner the market on everything. Think again.

  27. 597
    Bud

    Very sensitive issues here indeed…..Let’s face it, everyone wants younger because it makes them feel younger and more vibrant….but in reality this doesn’t always amount to happiness. Not sure what all the fuss is about though.  Many men tend to become more handsome and successful as they age.  I believe that woman who are 34 or 35 who rule out dating men in their early to mid forties are missing out and risk being single forever. Fellows in their mid 30′s want late twenties as they tend to be most beautiful at that age.  And for Adam, you need to step up your game bro, get a style with an edge, hit the gym, and walk with confidence. I’m 41 and my  girlfriend is 27 ….but i already have children from another relationship..respect…..And if all else fails Adam, just lie about your age, she will never find out haha…kidding…. or Listen to “Walk Like a Man”  from Grand Funk Railroad…lolol

  28. 598
    marymary

    Bud 624
    I’ve heard many women say that women their age look better than men of their age, and men say that men of their age look better than women of their age.  I think that it’s easy to say that your own sex is still hot when … you’re not the one having to sleep with them. There are things you only notice when you get down and personal. 
    If we don’t smoke, or drink too much (or at all), and stay fit most people in their forties are still attractive, even fifties.  beyond that I think that’s when the age difference will start to really show.  Hopefully, by then there is a connection that will overcome that.    Friend of mine married someone a mere ten years older, but now he’s seventy she said to me brightly “he’s an old man now!”  She’s still devoted to him.
    My age difference is similar to yours, except he’s younger.  And, yes, I’ve realised that his body is … young.
    For every older person dating a younger person there is a younger person dating an older person. So does that contradict “everyone wants younger”?

  29. 599
    Bud

    Hi marymary, it doesn’t really contradict, i apologize for stereotyping and not looking at the reverse side of things… as you met a younger man.  Many women age gracefully and look stunning as they age .  And i’m sure you’re one of them.  Many men love a more mature woman as a matter of taste……  But i was merely just referring to the subject ( Adam’s) original question about himself wanting children and having trouble meeting a mid thirties woman( in the child bearing years) because he is under the impression that they think a 42 year old man is too old….and i have to disagree with him, and think he is either going for the wrong women or perhaps should try something other than online dating…..I met my current girlfriend at a music event and she thought i was younger, but i told her my age and that i have children, and still she is by my side.  I think it is easier to meet in person rather than to just stick to the numbers game online.  But i still think a 6 or 7 year age difference between men and women is peanuts. 

  30. 600
    Joe

    @ Jeaninie #623:
     
    I don’t think being 20lb overweight is enough to cause a guy to lose his sex drive.  Lower testosterone as he ages, perhaps.

    @ marymary #625:
     
    Good point!  On the other hand, there’s a difference between “wants” and “gets”–everyone may want younger, but not everyone gets it.  It’s possible that some of the younger people who are dating older people may still want younger, even if they’re with someone older.  It may be a fine distinction, but still.

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