Should I Disclose the Number of Sexual Partners I’ve Had In the Past?

Should I Disclose the Number of Sexual Parthners I've Had In the Past?

I’ve been reading for a while, and I find myself hopping on your blog whenever I meet a new guy or am faced with a new situation. But have yet to find something to address my question, given all the differences in the way men and women view sex and relationships and communication: What are the rules about disclosing your number of sexual partners and should it matter?

Now of course I think about this more so in a safety sense, not that I need to know how many girls a guy has slept with but more so I want to know that he is safe for me to sleep with. Inevitably though, this question of numbers comes up and I always hate when my number is higher than his or significantly lower. I know it sounds silly but it’s hard to know what a man is thinking when you share this type of thing. Is it better to just keep it to yourself? Do numbers really matter?

Megan

Dear Megan,

LOVE YOU for asking this question. As always, my opinion is just my opinion. Feel free to disagree. (And I know you will!)

So, like the whole “Who Pays” thing, there are different rules for men and women. Mainly because the sexual double standard is alive and well. I don’t endorse this. I report this.

The average number of partners a man purports to have in a lifetime is around 11. The average number of partners a woman purports to have is closer to 6. Of course, this is not true.

Says Dr. Norman Brown of the University of Alberta:

“Every time a man has sex with a woman, a woman has to have sex with a man. So either there are some very lucky joes out there or someone is not getting their numbers right,” Brown said.

I know I haven’t answered your question, Megan, but I thought I would puncture a hole in the “men are promiscuous/women are chaste” thing. If a man’s sleeping with a woman, a woman’s sleeping with a man and everybody’s numbers are going up. So there.

And as far as I’m concerned it is NOBODY’S BUSINESS HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU’VE SLEPT WITH.

And as far as I’m concerned it is NOBODY’S BUSINESS HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU’VE SLEPT WITH.

Similarly, it’s none of your business how many people he’s slept with. This is a classic “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation, on par with “Are you dating anyone else right now?” and “Have you ever had a drug fueled orgy with six Polynesian dwarves?” If you say yes, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do, and frankly, you shouldn’t have to explain….

Before you jump all over me, this is not the same as “Do you have any STDs?” That is a pointed and specific health-related question, where full disclosure is essential. But some guy can sleep with 100 women and not get herpes and some woman can go down on one guy and get herpes. And although one’s odds certainly do go up with multiple sexual partners, a number doesn’t necessarily reveal any greater truths.

Take me. I’ve had a pretty decent single run (more than 10, less than Wilt Chamberlain), but have NEVER had unprotected sex with a non-girlfriend. Is that better or worse than a guy who has slept with eight women but never used a condom?

I recall one well-meaning woman who asked me on our first date what my “number” was. I laughed and told her it was none of her business. She playfully said that she could handle it. I playfully told her that it was irrelevant: I was with her at this moment, and my past history bore little relevance. The more I refused to answer, the more she dug in. Finally, she said, “Whatever you say, it won’t bother me. As long as the number is less than X.” And when I gave her a look that revealed that her guesstimate was low, her jaw dropped. Way to not judge me!

Years ago, my best friend went out with a woman in her mid-30’s who confessed that she’d been with over 30 men in her life. My friend FREAKED out, because his number was lower than hers, and because he couldn’t bear to picture her being pounded by 30 different guys. I told him he was being ridiculous. If this woman was never married, never dated a guy for more than a year, and was exclusive with a new boyfriend every six months, she will easily top 30 men at that age. Sleeping with fifteen people in the year after your divorce is a lot more promiscuous than sleeping with thirty people in your whole life.

Thus, a man has no right to know your number, lest he judge you by a different standard than he judges himself. If he insists, give him a little white lie. It’s none of his business and he doesn’t deserve the truth. Seriously. As long as you’re not sleeping with anyone while you’re dating him, whatever you did in your past is between you and your conscience.

As long as you’re not sleeping with anyone while you’re dating him, whatever you did in your past is between you and your conscience.

So Megan, it’s not that numbers don’t matter. It’s that they can be deceiving. Questions about numbers only beget more questions and create more insecurity. The only thing you need to know about his sexual past is whether he’s disease free. If he is, judge him for his merits, his efforts towards you, and how he treats you.

But certainly don’t get on his case because he had a successful sex life for the fifteen adult years before he met you.

21
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Comments:

  1. 121
    Ron Diggity

    @ Ray

    LOL @ you having any sort of top secret clearance!  And also lol at “polygraph requirement” – anybody who knows anything important can beat a polygraph in their sleep.  Anyways, based on your answers on this blog, we can surmise you NEVER would have passed the psyche evaluation for any meaningful clearance. But I admire you throwing the b.s. out there in hopes it worked.

    Since you basically just restated your fallacious point about the credit history and ignored the rebuttals I made, no need to belabor it.  Nice try dismissing my “hypothetical” but you only proved my point in the process.

    Straw man alert – no man said it was a magic shield, just a criteria (one of many) for disqualification.  Try to stay rational with these  silly arguments, will you?

    And for the grand finale, you go with a red herring – nice job!

    I hope my little dissection helped prove why a) nobody with a brain takes you seriously on here and b) why you STILL do not have a man after all these years.

    @ Katrina – my life is great, thanks for asking.  I wish you the best of luck finding men who value you for your slutty past and don’t just use you as Miss Right Now.

  2. 122
    Saint Stephen

    “The past don’t matter” is simply idiotic and completely nonsensical. Listen, the past matters a lot in a everything we do, and you all can go ahead to deny it all you want but it doesn’t change the reality. Maybe u should use your past doesn’t matter mentality and date a selfish jerk who’s been in the habit of using and dumping women. Or i suppose when you want to hire a baby sitter, you just pick anyone without doing a background check on them because the past doesn’t matter. Oh and the past doesn’t matter – hence i presume you would feel comfortable hiring a nanny who had track record of abusing children in her past.

    The numbers do matter because it exhibits shared or differing values. If u don’t feel the need disclosing your numbers to me – good riddance! You disclosed to me, but it’s quite high – good riddance! She lied to me about it – i do have other indirect ways of finding out ( which i won’t go into for now), and when i do – good riddance!  

      

  3. 123
    Goldie

    Wow you boys are on a roll today.
     
    @ St Stephen
     
    “She lied to me about it – i do have other indirect ways of finding out ( which i won’t go into for now)”
     
    Please do. I for one, am curious. How do you find out?
     
    And, because I don’t want to double-post, nice argument on the other thread about how nobody calls a straight man “cum dump”. Well, DUH! Also, the proper term for what you’re referring to is “man whore”. Not that I consider the existence of derogatory terms proof of anything. Most of them are just labels that closed-minded people like to slap on everyone that’s different, be it by race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, the list goes on and on.
     
    @ Ron – nice character assassination of Ray, you’re such a gentleman. Of course, how can a woman have secret clearance. Everybody knows they’re only good for one thing.

  4. 124
    Ray

    Ron,

    If you are concerned about the DoD’s clearance criteria, I’m afraid you’ll have to take that up with them. 

    Regarding the things that are relevant to this site.. You keep your little ego shield.  Thank you for posting here though.  Women need to know what men ‘like you’ (not you personally, but men who hold your views and share your terminology) look like.  Evan was spot on with that commentary.

    Stephen,

    I don’t think anyone is arguing that people shouldn’t have shared values.  Just that ‘numbers’… and especially a set value… may not have as much relevance as you think.  Nor is anyone arguing that some reasonable assessment of someone’s past should come into the equation.  What they are arguing about is the double standard.  

    I find it interesting that you and some other posters seem to equate a woman’s ‘numbers’ with things as serious as child abuse though… which indicates to me that yes, some men are indeed obsessing about this because they have really very little or nothing to obsess about when it comes to women…

    Apparently,  this is the best ya got.  And you are hanging onto it with a white knuckled death grip too.  

    If you find it so important, I suggest you bring it up on the first date.  You are certainly obliged to bring it up before having sex with a woman. 

  5. 125
    Katarina Phang

    Ron, Puhleaaaseee…. I have had 2 relationships in the last 2 decades that spanned 17 years.  Stop preaching and telling people who/what they are.

    I love sex.  They don’t use me anymore than I use them.  You see how a little shift in perspective changes everything? 

    I turned down many of them who wanted a serious relationship with me.  It has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with sex (in fact since I’m such an amazing lover, they want me for long-term, who wants a frigid, inexperienced, unexciting woman in bed to have sex with for the rest of their life -unless of course you allow yourself some hanky-panky on the side, which judging from your double-standard that is what exactly you have in mind?).

    Ladies, don’t listen to this Ron guy.  He doesn’t make much sense.  

  6. 126
    The_Soothsayer

    I must admit guys, I am extremely disappointed that this thread has degenerated into a mud slinging match. I am sure there are many young people out in the community who are looking for the answer to, ‘Should I disclose the number of sexual partners I have had in the past?. Which to them is a serious question. I think we have moved away from the issue and resorted to personal attacks.

  7. 127
    Ron Diggity

    @ Katarina – Look, I’m sort of tiring with this whole thing.  We were talking about volume of numbers here.  2 people in 17 yrs is NOT the same thing as 17 people in 2 years.

    And the notion that experience makes a good lover is unfounded – what about people like me that were incredible from jump street?? Some of us are just born with it…..

    @ Ray – well we all thanks you for you service to the DoD…..and we’d also like to thank you for assisting Santa Claus this past Christmas as well….

    I have no problem being the “enemy” of women like yourselves who think their irrational nonsense and sense of entitlement should just be blindly accepted.  Even though Evan and I don’t agree on all things, I have to give him credit for trying to knock some sense into you ladies on some issues.

    Think about this closing thought:  if women allegedly have all this dating/sexual power and the lion’s share of control, then it stands to reason they deserve the lion’s share of blame when things don’t work out.  When a team is underperforming, who gets the axe?  The person in charge i.e. the coach, that’s who!  Yet many of you are content with constantly needing to get the last word in, and arguing with men who try to point out the realities you are missing. 

  8. 128
    Katarina Phang

    Ron, I blasted your condescending remark that “sluts” will only find guys who will use us as Miss Right Now.  I proved you WRONG.  

    BIG TIME WRONG.

    There are plenty of decent guys who want serious relationship with women like me who don’t see anything wrong with sex outside of commitment (the slutty part helps in fact but it’s not everything either).  

    You speak for yourself and perhaps the 50% guys who are like you.  We will stick with the remaining 50%.  No big deal.  To each their own. 

    I will not date guys like you and vice versa because we turn each other off.  That’s the part of life and dating as well.  You can’t please everyone and neither should you.

    Uh-oh sure you’re a natural born stallion.  May you find your non-slut natural born sex goddess.  Good luck.

  9. 129
    Katarina Phang

    I perhaps need to clarify, I’ve been in 2 serious relationships in the last 20 years.  I’ve had sex with more than two, however, obviously (to me exclusivity is a big deal, much more so than sex…sex with the right people is enjoyable to me in or out of relationship and I will not starve myself in that dept. just because some uptight hypocritical dudes think I’m not worthy of love/commitment for embracing my sexuality).

  10. 130
    Goldie

    Ron, what on earth? My ex works for DoD. He works with a large number of women, and used to report to one. You’re embarrassing yourself.
     
    @ The Soothsayer – I hear ya. But the best answer really is in the article in this case. As far as the number goes – don’t ask, don’t tell. As far as STDs and other things that are relevant to the relationship – disclose. It really is a good article. I only disagree with “If he insists, give him a little white lie” IMO, if he insists, tell him the ballpark, if he continues to insists on an exact number, tell him the truth. If he leaves, you just dodged a huge one.
     
    As to your own situation that you described in an earlier comment, my layman’s advice is — what you don’t know can’t hurt you. If you know a high number is going to upset you, then don’t ask for the number.

  11. 131
    The_Soothsayer

    @ Goldie – Unfortunately Goldie, information came via the grape vine. I had to ask to verify if what was being said was true.

  12. 132
    DMC

    I think don’t ask, don’t tell is kind of cowardly.  If there is an answer you don’t want to hear, the solution is be with a person who doesn’t honestly give that answer.  To not want to face facts – isn’t that the same kind of self-deception that keeps women in abusive relationships?  And if a woman would lie just to keep you around, that’s no better than you lying to her about being faithful and running around.  If you can only keep someone around by lying to them, they are not the person for you.  That said, you should not judge them harshly in this scenerio.  You are telling a lie that misrepresents you in a more positive light.

  13. 133
    Katarina Phang

    If a guy asks me persistently and repeatedly that he really needs to know the exact number, it’s a red flag and I will just say, “bye…bye.”

    Obviously he’s not my match.  Next.  

    So far, I have never met a guy like that though so, again, like attracts like.   

  14. 134
    Saint Stephen

    @Goldie, I see Ron had already touched on your question to me in the other thread but i’ll paste it here:
    Goldie – I think you misunderstood the “verifying numbers” thing.  Now maybe I did as well, but I think what he was saying was, there are many ways for info to come out like that – ex.  small world syndrome.  It’s not that hard to fathom somebody knowing the girl you are dating and her reputation (especially if it’s a slut).  I don’t think it’s as important to know the exact number as it is the “range” it falls in.  Since I know you will insist on an example let’s say for a 25 yr old woman – 3 would be “respectable” and 22 would be “dish rag”  
    No Ron, you didn’t misunderstand me – You.Nailed.It. 
    Another example will be a woman who told you she’d been with only 3 men and all of a sudden 5 exes popped out around the corner – Busted. Perhaps my indirect method of finding out – might be little time consuming, but i’ll eventually do. 

    @Ray
    I disagree with you. Numbers do have much relevance when it comes to peoples set of values especially towards sex & morals. e.g, Two women at the age of 30: One had only been with three men, while the other has already slept with 20 men. Is obvious that the numbers will tell you everything you need to know about their view of sex – whether they regards it as a form of emotional bonding, or as a handshake to be had whenever you meet a new Acquaintance. One describes the former, while the other the describes the latter.

    1. 134.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Stephen – I’m kind of losing patience with you. Someone who has slept with 20 men doesn’t view sex as a handshake. That’s your subjective and negative value judgment. As we’ve discussed, if she ONLY had MONOGAMOUS sex with BOYFRIENDS over the course of 12 years, it would be hard NOT to sleep with 20 men. That’s the flaw in your thinking, buddy.

      You can say that you don’t want a woman who’s been with 20 men (as some sort of arbitrary guidepost that you’ve set), but such a number has NOTHING to do with her character. I’m not sure what kind of woman DOESN’T sleep with her boyfriend.

  15. 135
    The_Soothsayer

    @Goldie – 131 Congratulations Goldie, I believe you have answered the question admirably!
     
    ‘if he insists, tell him the ballpark, if he continues to insists on an exact number, tell him the truth. If he leaves, you just dodged a huge one.’

    Have a nice day!    

      

  16. 136
    DMC

    You know guys, I’m a big proponent of the motto “Love me as I am or leave me as I be”.  And I think it’s fine if promiscious women want to live by that as well. But if you look back through the posts, most promiscious women, or those who defend them, seem to be more bent on trying to convince the men who are turned off by that behavior that they are wrong or flawed somehow.  It doesn’t seem they are very willingto let those men live by their lights and find women who have the same values, at least not without toungelashing them first.

    Also, it seems some of the promiscuity-is-ok camp is overly fixated on this issue.  It’s not like if a woman is a virgin but is an axe-murder, she gets a pass b/c she is not sexually active.  Sure the total package is what counts, but some people put more value on certain things.  For instance I have a buddy who would NEVER date  a woman who smokes. For me, while not necessarily a plus, that would not be a dealbreaker.  To each their own gals.

  17. 137
    Katarina Phang

    DMC, hello, are you repeating what I sid?  Duh.

    To each their own indeed, just don’t generalize this is what most men want because it’s not.

    We are not trying convince you are wrong anymore you are trying to convince us we are wrong (if anything in fact you do it without a shred of fact.  I date men, do you?).  You, otoh, are trying very hard to convince us that our life choice is wrong by attaching morals to it.  Who’s sitting on the high horse here?  Certainly not us.

  18. 138
    Saint Stephen

    EMK – I’m not talking about character – we were talking about shared values.
    A woman who’s been in 20 monogamous relationship (and non of them could lead to marriage) in a space of 12 years will certainly be a bad long term bet for me. Maybe she has bonding problems or finds it very hard to sustain a relationship – I don’t know. Again, this isn’t a character judgement, it’s been perceived as shared values to me.
    Listen, all I’m saying is, being someone who’s interested in marriage longevity, I’ll pass on her. To each their own. So no need to get all worked up over this

    .

     

  19. 139
    DMC

    @ Katrina

    I apologize, Katrina….I must have misunderstood this following quotes by you as personal attacks on people

    “Ladies, don’t listen to this guy Ron, he doesn’t make much sense.”

    (speaking of guys who have a problem dating promiscious women)

    “….uptight, hypocritical dudes…”
    “…narrowminded, judgemental naysayers…”
    “….loathesomely patronizing…”
    “….stupid and arrogant….”

    BTW, nobody is truing to convince you of anything.  They are simply stating they have a problem with promiscious behavior and will not tolerate it.  If you feel you are being judged, maybe that’s your true conscience you hear.

  20. 140
    DMC

    Also, the phrase “duh” is condescending in nature.  Hope this was helpful.

  21. 141
    Saint Stephen

    Katarina
    Go back reread and point out where we made generalizations on this issue. You are the one who seem to projecting your intent on us – perhaps you wished all men valued slutty women- Talk about Fantasy. All your attacks are baseless and unwarranted. Isn’t it condescending to label non slutty women as low libido just because had been able to discipline their self? I believe you will certainly be amazed on how many of those non slutty women will have a higher sex drive than you.  

  22. 142
    Sayanta

    #140 Stephen

    Believe it or not, I agree with what he says, but substitute in the word “men” for me.  

  23. 143
    Katarina Phang

    Yes i will define anyone who holds one standard for himself and another for others hypocritical.  And seeing it only from one POV that serves him, that’s not a reflection of why someone does what he/she does, that’s narrow minded.  Do you have any problem with that?

    Oh Saint Stephen, good luck finding high libido women who are non-slut. We love to have sex because we are high-libido, it’s kinda err… by definition you know… like it’s called iced tea because it’s cold. :)

  24. 144
    Katarina Phang

    And it is highly patronizing when someone feels he’s better morally and emotionally than those who have more sex than him.  And it is stupid and arrogant too because it is stupid and arrogant (and baseless).

    I call a spade a spade. 

    1. 144.1
      Mark

      Hmm, you’re the one who appears to be ungodly self-conscious about your sexual past. Maybe you should deal with it?

  25. 145
    Sacha

    Is the debate between Katarina and SS/Ron/DMC even relavant to this blog?? Katarina is talking about hook-ups/sex for the sake of sex….definitely not about exclusive/serious relationships. While SS/Ron/DMC are talking about their considerations for marriage/serious monogamous relationships. It’s apples and oranges. In her reality, Katarina is right. Her “number” is as high as she likes it. More power to her.

    In the reality of most women AND men looking for serious relationships, a low “number” is preferable/safer. I thought this was a blog for people who are looking for love/marriage/serious relationships, not hook-ups?? And I thougth that Evan advocates what is effective in the dating world, as opposed to what some people consider morally right or wrong. Who cares what Katarina thinks?? She is living in a different world.

    @ Katarina: “Oh Saint Stephen, good luck finding high libido women who are non-slut. We love to have sex because we are high-libido, it’s kinda err… by definition you know…”

    I consider myself a high-libido woman. Minimum one O a day, maximum….seven! i.e. between 7 and 30-ish O’s per week. I don’t really count. Is that low-libido in your world? I also consider myself non-slut. In the last 17 years I have had ONE sexual partner. Since my separation a year ago I have had ZERO sexual partners. My choice. I have dated a number of men, ranging from 2-5 dates, but never went all the way with any of them, because I did not feel we suited each other for a serious relationship and did not want to risk either of us getting attached. The number of O’s per day has remained the same throughout this period though. I do not own a vibrator and have never used one. I love to have sex and the man who “gets” me will never hear “I’m not in the mood” or “I have a headache”. If he is lower libido than me and/or can’t keep up with me for whatever reason, he will never know it, because I can take care of the “shortfall” myself. Win-win, no?

  26. 146
    DMC

    @ Katrina

    No problem at all – if you like being incorrect.

    1) It was pointed out in another thread that is NOT the definition of a hypocrite
    2) That may be narrowminded, but – oh sweet irony – as has been pointed out to you several times yet you refuse to see:  people don’t care what the reasons are women are promiscious, they just prefer not to be in LTR with them
    3) That is NOT the definition of patronizing either. 
    4) definining a word with the same word = not good

    Please buy a dictionary.

    Just fyi, your last comment can be taken as a racial slur

  27. 147
    Katarina Phang

    DMC,
    1) Well, then we agree to disagree. 
    2) Sorry but you guys don’t stop at “we don’t want to date sluts” you (maybe not you personally but your ilk has) went on to elaborate why with lots of very inaccurate personal judgment and prejudice about us.  You can’t make a bold inaccurate blanket statement about a group of people without those people trying to correct you on that, dude.  At least you can’t expect that.  Do you understand now?

    Now you can go back dating your conservative non-slut women.  No skin off my nose.  I don’t care one bit.

    #.  Patronizing also means condescending.  Which one do you prefer?  Be my guest, pick your adjective.  I won’t split hair with you on this.

    And maybe you need a new dictionary.  Which edition did you use?

    4) It is stupid because there are other equally or even more valid perspectives you can employ and consider.  I have given you the link that provides that perspective, that if you have an open mind.  But obviously in this case, you don’t.  Like a religious believer you can’t defend your belief because it’s just a belief.

  28. 148
    Ileana

    @Evan: This part of your reply to SS caught my eye: ”You can say that you don’t want a woman who’s been with 20 men (as some sort of arbitrary guidepost that you’ve set), but such a number has NOTHING to do with her character”
    With all due respect, don’t you think that a woman’s number actually HAS something to do with her character? I don’t mean to say that in a bad way, or that women with high numbers are not worthy of a LTR. Far from that.
     
    But when you have a 40dudes/20 years ratio, people might ask themselves questions like:
    a) were all those encounters within relationships, or ONS?
    b) if relationships, then it ideally means about 2 six month long relationships per year. if so, then did she not feel complete without a relationship, so that she had to be ‘busy’ the whole time? OR does she have problems settling down with one guy?
    c) in the probable case that some of her relationships lasted less than six months, what was wrong with all of these? OR considering that 20 years is a LARGE period of time, did she not learn from her mistakes/bad patterns from the past, if her relationships truly were faulty (ie. she could do way better)?
    d) does this mean she hops in bed too fast (widely subjective terms here, i know, but i hope you understand what i mean…). This could be connected with the view that maybe sex is not soo valuable and has little emotional value to her?
    e) does she have a sky-high libido? (which is, not at all bad!). OR Is she ‘addicted’ to sex? What might happen in case she gets involved with a guy who’s in the navy/ army, and who is away MONTHS at a time? Is she inclined to seek her satisfaction with someone else?
    f) is physical connection a more determinant factor for her in starting a relationship than emotional, so she had to ‘test drive’ the guys sexually, BEFORE she even considered opening herself up to them?
     
    These examples here aren’t even close to being a decisive factor if a person is good/bad.
     
    Let’s view the other side of the spectrum. Number of sexual partners = 0. Possible alternatives: ‘religious fanatic, rigid morals’, ‘not laid back, not capable of relaxing, not adventurous/spontaneous’, ‘unreal expectations of men and relationships in general, looking for the perfect person and the perfect Hollywood moment’, ‘too busy to actually commit/find someone, OR possibly viewed as not good enough’, ‘frigid’ and the list can go on. 
     
    These are all VERY subjective terms here and can be relevant to some extent. Only our decisions are reflections of who we really are. So do you still think that The Number has nothing to do with character? I think it does, at least to some extent.
    But in the end, the fact that you were a virgin up to your wedding night says nothing about you being capable of truly loving a man. The same as having 20,30,40, X sexual partners is irrelevant to your capacity of actually being a good lay.

    1. 148.1
      tina

      Ileana,
      not all men need women who can truly love them. Some men will be content with any woman and I mean any woman as long as she is a virgin. they don’t need the love of a woman, they are self sufficient. They get married to have kids period.  Also these guys suck at relationships, majorly. A virgin is less likely to leave them, all things considered.  being a virgin is great but from my personal experpence, the men who will give anything for a virgin have ulterior motives.

  29. 149
    DMC

    Thanks for clarifying Katrina…I never realized I was so wrong in so many areas……

    Lleana makes some very good, non-judgemental points.  obviously a person’s sexual history DOES say something about them.  It just seems somepeople here, including Evan have issue if it’s interpreted negatively.  It’s kind of like if someone says “all women are (fill in a negative trait)”.  You will get lots of women up in arms with “all women are not the same!” or “don’t generalize a whole gender!”.  Yet if you said something nice like “all women are (fill in a positive trait)” you will get a lot of “yeah, we really are…” type agreement.

  30. 150
    Matt

    Personally, I feel that the number of people that you have had sex with is a direct link to your responsibility as a partner. If you’ve had sex with a ton of people, then your relationship with any new person is far less special. This feeling is personal to me, however, because in my own views (not religious), I don’t think that sex should ever be had casually. I consider a “one night stand” to be an absolutely abhorrent activity, because sex is THE MOST intimate thing you can do with another human being. I don’t want anything to do with anybody who just has casual sex with a bunch of partners since sex means a hell of a lot less to them than it does to me.
     

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