Should You Try a Long-Distance Relationship?

You’ve been dating online. It’s frustrating. Dispiriting. Hopeless. All the guys you like aren’t making an effort. All the guys who make an effort, you don’t like. Let’s face it: the men in your town SUCK. So you open up your search criteria and broaden your search radius from 25 miles to 100 miles. No, let’s make it 500 miles. Actually, there’s no limit as to how far you’ll go for love. You are now searching the globe for your soulmate. That may feel good right now but be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. Stick around and I’ll explain why a long-distance relationship is the LAST thing you want to do.

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  1. 1
    Justine Chen

    I agree that if there are great guys somewhere far away, there are great guys in my area. However, those guys don’t often like me back. I cannot find someone here who meets my standards AND wants to be in a relationship with me.

  2. 2

    When I was in OLD, I specifically listed “within 50 miles” of my zip, and eventually whittled it down to 35 miles. I had guys from the other side of the country contact me and I always viewed that with suspicion. Married man, looking for a long distance fling ? Player looking to have many girlfriends in different states ? Or this (From Evans podcast transcript )

    ” But why is it easy? Because it’s perfect. And again, I’m a coach for women, but it’s perfect for
    avoiding men. It’s perfect for busy men. It’s perfect for lazy men. A guy who doesn’t want to
    have all the entanglements of a real relationship, which requires integrating lives. He’s a perfect
    long distance relationship candidate because you’re out of sight, out of mind. He can literally not
    think of you for most of the day and still maintain a relationship ”

    Or just a guy looking for an easy, no maintenance relationship ? I even had some guys write to me saying they were “thinking” about moving to my city, yada, yada, yada and sometimes I would write back and say “Let me know if and when you move here, then we can meet”.

    I know of a few cases of long distance relationships that eventually worked, but inevitably, someone has to take the risk and uproot their life if they are going to co-habitate or marry. More often than not, they don’t work out. That’s why I didn’t bother wtih LD.

  3. 3
    Sharrie Shinedling

    Thanks, Evan…this issue about long- distance dating comes up all of the time. I hear the same lines over and over how “distance doesn’t matter, blah, blah, blah!” I loved your advice that “it’s not a real relationship until you meet each other too!” Thanks for your help!

  4. 4
    Michelle G

    I’ve been listening to relationship podcasts & webinars for many years to get tips & continue to learn…. It’s Interesting that this topic came up at this time—its like ‘the Universe’ is sending me a message.

    I’m 54 yrs old, never had kids, & never been married. I’ve had my share of relationships & been looking for ‘the one’ where Love is reciprocated & we are great together.

    I finally met a wonderful man online in May 2020 & it seems we were heading toward a lasting relationship. We’ve been dating for almost 9 months now & he’ll be moving further away (not closer as we talked about after the 1st few months) Unfortunately due to the pandemic & financial reasons, he needs to move to be near his real estate investments which happen to be 5 states away (so a 5+ hr flight vs the current 1 hr drive we’ve been doing) So my situation is reversed, which seems confusing to me.- Should we continue talking & switch to a ‘vacation’ relationship as Evan mentioned or break up….maybe we’ll drift apart?? We’ve both said we want each other in our lives & it would be difficult to end our connection at this point. But the moving truck is coming the beginning of April.
    We care about each other (we haven’t said I Love You, but our actions seem like we were/are falling) At this time I need to stay where I work & live with my elderly dad who is my only remaining family and my boyfriend needs to move to a different state where he can afford to retire. This Sucks!!

  5. 5

    Liberal wife is the worst nightmare ever.
    Hopefully your third wife is fir longer than few years , man..
    And STOP attacking traditional values, okay?

  6. 6


    While I agree Evan’s is the best universal advice…if one isn’t on a timeline (ticking clock) it might indeed be worth gambling with a couple years of your life to chase an international relationship.

    I’m preparing to move to Australia from the U.S. to join my sweetheart, when the borders eventually open. We’ve known each other thru mutual friends for 5 years, and dating for 2 with each of us spending extended time in the other’s home. Maybe the relationship implodes. Or maybe it succeeds…in which case I get to live in an actual first world country, universal healthcare for life, and the ability to retire 10+ years earlier as a result! Sometimes the risk is worth it:).

  7. 7
    In Hiding

    I’ve turned down a lot of long-distance guys. They don’t seem to understand why I’m not interested in long distance. Their first response is always “it’s not a problem for me”. It IS a problem for ME. No thanks.

  8. 8

    To the poster who talked about her boyfriend moving a 5+ hour flight away: break up! If he wanted to make the relationship work, he wouldn’t be moving far, far away. If he were in love with you, he would say so. Both his actions and his silence demonstrate that he doesn’t really value the relationship or want to move forward. And that’s true no matter what else he says or does.

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