Why Won’t My Boyfriend Text Me Back?

Evan,

I have spent the past 10 months with the greatest man. He had me from the start, but we took our time and moved slowly in order to build what I believe is the deepest love I’ve ever known. We talk about our future and he includes me in his big decisions (buying a house, getting engaged, moving, etc.) We have an open and honest relationship where we can speak our minds and work to better ourselves. He is in the military and he deploys in November. His job is demanding, but not to the point where he is unable to make a daily phone call. Which brings me to my problem.

My boyfriend makes little effort to contact me through the week. He may call once or twice and speak for less than 5 minutes. I will even text and not hear back from him. I am not used to this type of behavior from someone I am dating, especially someone I love. He is the same way with his friends and family. I’ve mentioned it to him several times, and he says that he will try to do better. It never happens. We live 30 miles away and only see each other on the weekends (which is why communication is so important). My needs are not being met but I do not want to end something wonderful for something that could easily be fixed. When I mentioned it to him a second time he pulled out his phone to show me a flower order he had purchased to send me the next day (yes, I felt like an idiot). Am I asking too much for him to keep contact with me through the week? I worry that if his communication skills are so terrible now that deployment will be impossible. Please help. –Lacy

Lacy,

Some of the best advice I ever got was this:

“When someone shows you who he is, believe him.”

Your boyfriend is showing you who he is. Believe him.

Make no mistake, it sounds like he’s a good man who sincerely loves you and sees a future with you. At the same time, it’s also obvious that despite his charms, he’s not a particularly good communicator.

Nor is he likely to be.

Not to make sweeping generalizations, but, well… a guy in the military is probably not going to be an ideal partner. He doesn’t control his own schedule. He keeps odd hours. He may be deployed for months at a time. He’s constantly surrounded by testosterone, not estrogen. He believes in structure and following orders.

When you told him your needs (call me before bed, just to say good night), he should have hopped to attention as if his Staff Sergeant were barking at him.

And if the best thing that a man can do to be a great partner is to pick up on his wife’s emotional cues and do little things to make her life better, a military man has to be somewhere at the bottom of the list.

This is not to say that there are no sensitive and loyal men in the Army or no happy wives of Marines, but that the stereotypical military man is not an ideal husband and many military relationships are strained by distance and communication.

But your guy is different. Your love is deeper. He understands you.

Excellent.

So when you told him your needs (call me before bed, just to say good night), he should have hopped to attention as if his Staff Sergeant were barking at him.

Except he didn’t.

Because he doesn’t want to talk to you that much.

Because he’s too busy to talk to you that much.

Because it’s not that important to please you.

Because that’s just not how he’s wired.

The answer could be all of the above or none of the above. Doesn’t really matter.

He’s shown you who he is.

Are you going to believe him? Are you going to accept him?

Some women can be content, knowing that they have a deep love, even if they only see their hubby three months out of the year and Skype him once a week.

Others cannot.

It’s up to you, Lacy, to decide which woman you are.

Just don’t spend much more effort trying to change him.

Lay out your terms one last time. This is what it takes to please me.

If your relationship is worth preserving and your request is reasonable, I assure you, he’ll honor it. If it’s all too much trouble for him, he won’t.

Either way, you’ll have your answer and you can sleep well knowing that you couldn’t have done anything “better” to make things work.

Hope it all works out for you.

8
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Comments:

  1. 1
    Heather

    Lacy,

    Evan is right on this one, and I have had to learn this the hard way. My ex husband was the same as this guy you are with right now. He was not a good communicator and would get angry with me for asking him to please communicate with me, while we were dating long distance.

    He showed me who he was. I should have believed it. If I had, I never would have married such a mean, selfish, uncommunicative partner.

    You’ve asked him several times and let him know about your needs. He’s not meeting your needs. It may be time to end this now, before he deploys. Because trust me, it gets worse when he deploys. My BFF goes off the radar a LOT while he deploys in Afghanistan, and usually he does 6 month tours. It is frustrating since I live in his house and take care of it for him, but it is what it is. I’m used to it and accept it, but I am not married to the guy.

    I hope things work out for you. I totally understand how you feel, having dated military men, and it’s hard. Hang in there and let us know how things work out?

    Hugs to you…..

  2. 2
    Flower White

    “My needs are not being met but I do not want to end something wonderful for something that could easily be fixed.”

    Yes it’s easy to fix and he’s not fixing it. Your needs are not getting met and its going to get worse, not better. He has you on his terms.
    “He had me from the start” …in your heart you know how this is gonna end up. You may marry and be unhappy or you may end it and get over it and leave room for a man who will meet your needs.

    Good luck to you.

  3. 3
    Karl R

    Lacy said:
    “I do not want to end something wonderful for something that could easily be fixed.”

    I do not consider other people’s flaws to be something that can “easily be fixed” by me. I don’t even consider it possible.

    It is often possible for me to accept other people’s flaws without them changing at all.

    Lacy said:
    “My needs are not being met”

    If he needs to change in order for your needs to be met, then the relationship isn’t going to work out. That’s true for more than just this situation.

  4. 4
    Michelle

    I’ve never dated a man in the military, so I can’t speak to the unique challenges that situation brings. Putting aside those specific challenges, it might be a good to re-examine expectations.

    “I am not used to this type of behavior from someone I am dating, especially someone I love”

    This is an expectation from other men that is being applied to this man. Men are notoriously not great communicators and often are not big phone talkers. Their sense of time and connection is not the same as ours.

    Men are NOT women.

    Now, if you started off the letter to Evan saying he DIDN’T include you in his life plans, didn’t see you each weekend, NEVER talked during the week (you said it’s a couple of times a week for short periods of time), that you felt very uncomfortable speaking your mind, etc.–then that would be a different story.

    “He is the same way with his friends and family.”

    So it’s just not you, it’s the way he is. You cannot change another person, you may just have to accept this as who he is and change expectations accordingly.

    You can date and date and date, trying to find that perfect man who meets all your expectations. Or, you can get ‘real’ and shoot for 80%, ’cause that’s all it’s ever going to be, no matter who the man is.

    Once he deploys and is gone for a long period of time (like in an extended business trip), then a firm agreement ahead of time regarding communications would be in order. However, I would be sure to negotiate something he knows/feels (and you know/feel) he can meet so you’re not disappointed and he doesn’t get discouraged because he can’t make you happy. In other words, asking him to communicate each day is setting him up for failure and you up for disappointment.

  5. 5
    Robin Cockrell

    I can say I was once one of those that just didn’t return text or answer phone calls all the time. It didn’t mean I didn’t care, it was just me. It drove me nuts to get a text while I was working. My current boyfriend used to text me to death. It was annoying, so I just didn’t answer all of them.

    Finally we talked about it and I realized that it is important to him and he realized that too much was driving me insane. We reached a compromise. Now he calls everyday at lunchtime and only texts to occasionally flirt or if something important comes up.

    Moral, I cared enough about him to reciprocate as I realized it meant a lot to him. Hopefully if you can discuss it in a non blaming way, he will do the same. If not, well as Evan said, you have your answer.

  6. 6
    Nicole

    It sounds like you need a better communicator. This guy might be great, b/c I don’t subscribe to the idea that anyone who can’t change his personality for you is a beast.

    If he was attentive and chatty with everyone but you, I’d say it’s about you, but this is about who he is. It doesn’t sound like you’d be happy with a military husband who also isn’t FREE to call you everyday if he’s away from you.

    So find someone who can do that or accept that you’re going to spend your life with a guy who doesn’t talk a lot.

    I predict a lot of women who will talk about how awful he is, but if the tables were turned, the same women would think it was awful if a man was trying to change them.

    There is a lid for every pot, and it sounds like this isn’t a good fit for you.

  7. 7
    Heather

    Karl R said:

    If he needs to change in order for your needs to be met, then the relationship isn’t going to work out. That’s true for more than just this situation.

    Isn’t that the truth. I wish that I could have told that to my ex husband! He wanted me to change and be someone I wasn’t, when in fact he had a ton of his own issues that he would not face, himself. He was unwilling to change anything about himself, and voila, the result was a divorce, the following year.

  8. 8
    Spiral

    Evan, your posts are so direct and yet so hard for us women to understand. But I think I am finally getting it through my thick head: a guy does what he wants.
    It really is that simple.
    As I wade gingerly back into dating, I am taking deep breaths and keeping you on my shoulder, Evan, even though I’m not sure if you’re the angel or the devil. :)

    1. 8.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      I’m neither the angel nor the devil. That would imply I had some sort of agenda. My agenda is to provide truth, insight and explanation for male dating behaviors so that you can adjust (or not adjust) accordingly. If you find that what I say is true and therefore helpful, you’ll find me to be an angel on your shoulder. If you perpetually disagree with me and my observations about men, you’ll probably find me to be the devil. But I would also submit that anyone who disagrees with me on most things does probably not do very well in connecting with men.

      1. 8.1.1
        conatantina

        I agree with Evan an appreciate good advice coming from a man ,,especially when it comes to question about men..

  9. 9
    nathan

    There’s something curious about your letter Lacy. It’s as if the first paragraph and the second paragraph are talking about different relationships. Except they aren’t. You see this man only on the weekends, right? And the communication during the week is sparse at best. It strikes me that the openness and honest quality of the relationship might be time-dependent. What I mean by that is that your boyfriend can handle being open and honest and caring when the relationship is mostly a weekend thing. It’s not something he has to do on daily basis with you. As of now, you don’t know whether he can actually be that partner who is able to maintain and grow a committed relationship based on openness, honesty, working together, and the rest. Maybe he can, but maybe he can’t. Until you can express to him why it’s important to you that he call/text/or even see you more during the week, then it’s hard to know if he’s willing to meet you in the middle somewhere or not.

    With that said, I’m wondering why you still only see each other on the weekends. 30 miles apart isn’t much at all. Plenty of people are willing to commute a few hours to spend time with their significant others, even if it’s only a short time. This feels like a long distance relationship, without the distance, and without the kind of communication in between visits that is commonplace amongst healthy long distance relationships. Perhaps I’m missing something, but it just doesn’t all add up in my opinion.

  10. 10
    Joe

    Nathan, perhaps you missed the part about how the dude is in the military. His time is probably very rigidly structured. Even when off duty, his time is probably not really his own.

    IMO, Lacy sounds too needy; others may differ. Certainly she needs more reassurance than this bloke can provide.

  11. 11
    Heather

    Nathan, it’s interesting that you point that out, because that is VERY typical of alot of military relationships. I’ve dated several men in the military and most could not handle daily relationships. And my BFF would back me up on this, he’s come home telling me stories of relationships ending left and right, because of tensions at home. Folks back home wanting to check in, talk to their partner/spouse, and the folks overseas, either unable to or unwilling to communicate regularly with them.

    Not that I am bashing military people for one second; they are doing us a service by protecting our country. However, as EMK has pointed out, often these folks are just not ideal partners. My BFF even gently intervened after a few times of my getting my feelings hurt over military servicemen or contractors who would ditch out on a relationship, and said that I should consider not dating them. He was right, of course, and I had to stop accepting dates from these guys, even though they are a dime a dozen here in Washington DC. It really narrowed my dating pool a good bit, but it was for the best.

    It is very, very difficult to be in a military relationship and for those who are doing it and are making it work, kudos to them and I have much respect. But it is a tough road to walk, and not for everyone. And for Lacey, like I said earlier, if this guy just isn’t willing to give you what you need, it might be time to get out now. It’ll only get harder when he deploys.

  12. 12
    Donna

    Evan, I think this is one of the best postings you have made, and you’ve made many great ones. Very true to human nature, and so very well said.

  13. 13
    nathan

    Joe – I don’t hear needy at all. I hear someone who wants more than a weekend relationship. That’s what she has right now.

    As for your point about the military, I didn’t miss it. And you may be right that this guy only has time on the weekend, but we really don’t know that for sure. Theoretically, one could argue that someone in the military is basically owned. That none of their time isn’t really their time at all. However, it’s also the case that there are people out there making relationships work, despite being full time in the military.

    This is more about conflicting needs for communication than his job. Needs – not neediness.

  14. 14
    Mia

    I once had a new bf who was naturally a poor communicator — we had to be apart for 3 mos and he was bad abt calling. I finally told him it would mean a lot if he called every evening. Well, he started calling every evening bc it was a simple thing that made me happy! Some dating advice makes it seem like you should never ask a guy to do something, and should just suck it up or dump him if you don’t like it. But if a guy likes you, he won’t mind that you brought up such an issue and will easily fix it. If he doesn’t, thats a problem …

  15. 15
    Catherine

    I love this question, it is something I too experience. I have known my boyfriend 4 years, dated for 3 less a few months when I broke up with him, mostly because I felt like I needed more communication. Like your boyfriend, mine is absolutely wonderful when we are together, we have a better deeper more emotionally intimate relationship than I ever had with my ex husband. We are open and honest and can tell each other anything. Because of our schedules, we occasionally see each other during the week, but mostly just weekends. He too knows that I like to hear from him more during the week and sometimes he really does try, but it simply isn’t in his nature. My solution to this is simple. Since it bugged me so much when I would text or call and then not hear back from him, I just stopped. Stoppped calling or texting him completely and stopped expecting to hear from him every day and instead chose to accept him for who he is. The amazing thing, now I actually hear from him more often and when I don’t, I know I will so when he does finally call, instead of complaining and saying why didn’t you call me, I am open, loving and tell him how nice it feels when he calls. He has commented on how much nicer it feels when I say that to him than when I complained. The other thing I do, if he doesn’t call in time to arrange a date, I have something else lined up. He is getting better at calling me early and asking me out. He is better at calling early instead of that day or the day before, is being on time and is doing more to help me around the house. Our relationship right now is better than it has ever been. So, my advice. lay off of him. Leave him alone. Don’t worry if you don’t hear from in a couple of days and when he does call, and of course he will, be nice, loving and open. Oh, and most importantly: Quit making him the center of your universe and get busy living your life and your own passions. You can bet he is living his.

    1. 15.1
      Dante'

      Hello Catherine, I was reading through these comments for advice on a similiar situation with my relationship and you just helped me out a whole bunch. 

    2. 15.2
      Brittany

      Cathrine
      i have a similar situation. my and boyfriend work 2 weeks on one off so we only see each other on days off. And during his time in he hardly texts me at night or calls me anymore. And I’m definitely gonna try leaving him be and be my happy self when I do hear from him. Thanks

  16. 16
    Happy Person

    From a military family here, two generations. I’d say that my military brother’s marriage is the most stable I know of. As was my parents’. They’re stable BECAUSE of the rigid struture of that system. That said, it takes a certain kind of woman to marry into that system. Touchy feely it ain’t. Chatty it ain’t. People who go into the military tend to be good at duty, obligation, dependability, responsibility, etc. So if you are looking for a relationship with those things at the center, a military guy is a good pick. If you want loads of communication, personal flexibility, creativity, and individual attention, you probably aren’t going to find it in that lifestyle.

    I chose the latter, myself. Not into the military thing. (Sorry, Dad. Love ya anyway.) :)

  17. 17
    Heather

    @ Happy Person, bingo, you nailed it. I didn’t really know how to explain a military family or relationship but you’ve got it right on the nose. Many military spouses can’t talk to their loved ones for weeks or months. My BFF often can’t email me for a month or two at a time, thank heavens there has only been one emergency in the two years he’s been rotating on and off duty overseas, and was able to finally reach him. If you can handle that kind of relationship/marriage, well hey, more power to you and blessings too.

    @ Joe, Lacey mentioned they’ve been together for months, so this is a LTR, and I think in an LTR there absolutely should be regular communication and her post didn’t come off as one bit needy. It doesn’t sound like she whined, threw a tantrum, gave ultimatums. She just asked simply to have her needs addressed. If that is neediness to you, you might have some issues in a relationship. If we women can’t feel like we can express our needs and feelings with a guy, then we’ll either do two things. Shut down, or shut you out. And usually if that happens with me, with a guy, he gets shut out. I’m just sayin. :)

  18. 18
    helene

    I dated a guy for 2 years who regularly had to be out the country for a month at a time about 4 times a year. When he was here, we were together every night, even though we didn’t live together. When he was away, he called me every evening for an hour, never missed a day. He was a guy who was switched on to what women want and made sure he delivered it, as the relationship served his purposes at the time and he was keen to keep it going. But here’s the thing: despite all that, he never committed to me, never took his eye off his own agenda and looking back I do not think he ever INTENDED to commit to me, although he made all the right noises to keep me happy. Just saying, daily phonecalls aren’t everything…..

  19. 19
    Moe

    There are different types of people out there. Those who love and cling and those who love and detach. Its a personality trait and can be seen in mostly men and some women. In deepening the relationship, they then retract because its the way they are. Theres a pyschological personality system that helps explain this better. For example, I bet hes also a quiet guy, has a poker face, secretive, etc, love is shown through physical acts, rather than words.

    Evan is right. He shows you who he is and you can only decide if he is enough. Good luck!

  20. 20
    KTR

    I think military guy is the clue here. I’ve been lucky enough to have dated some lovely young officers, and although I’ve been very impressed by them and honoured by their attention (ignore the stereotypes – the men I was with were decent, honourable, well travelled, capable, traditionally minded young men in a profession I for one am proud of – not to mention the killer six packs! ;-)) I wouldn’t consider one for a LTR.

    Their life is very much constrained by their surroundings/colleagues and any relationship they have, however serious, is expected to fit in with that. I really did laugh at and “get” the comment about the flowers – they absolutely love you and you get those gestures or random phone calls that make you go “aaaaahhhhh” and it feels 100 times more intense than all the civvy guys you’ve ever dated (let me guess those weekends you spend together there is no doubt he REALLY wants to be with you and quite frankly you’re swooning in his masculine presence. And because they don’t get to see women that often and spouses are easier to work into the lifestyle than girlfriends, when they move in on a girl they’re serious about, they MOVE – its meet the colleagues, parents, talk marriage, get exclusive ASAP) .

    But if its important to have some support when X happens in your daily life then you just don’t get it. For some women, fine – they have a big support network at home OR they decide to accept that pay-off in return for a particular man.

    But imagine when something REALLY bad happens work or family wise, and you can’t talk to your man about it and you miss him so much. Then by the time you do see him – three months later – its all built up inside you and you’re sort of angry at him for not being there when everyone else is. And then he’s a bit miffed that you’re upset and crying and spoiling the one night when he’s managed to get time off to come see you and he’s been on exercise for three weeks and wanted it to be JUST perfect to make all the waiting worth it…. No right or wrong here, but I think that’s a relatively common experience – your own emotional life has to tie in with his schedule. It might be a problem, it might not be. Some women love the highs and the lows and the intensity – I loved it for a time, but I’m not sure that its a way to constantly live.

    As Evan so brilliantly puts it, its up to you. You might consider changing the goal of the relationship – enjoy him whilst you have him, smile at and be grateful for the good memories you’ve created together, but don’t consider him a long term prospect. Or ask yourself if you can change yourself and if you’ll be happy with accepting that things aren’t going to massively change on his side.

    Whatever you do, I think you should monitor your feelings carefully that there’s not some underlying resentment building up over the lack of contact/communication. And all the best (and do enjoy that feeling when you see your man get out the taxi after a long time away – I suspect it’ll be one of those great memories when you’re old!)

  21. 21
    Heather

    KTR, I giggled when I read your comments because boy was that spot on, especially the intensity, wanting to get serious, etc etc. That happened to me once. Met a fella on Match.com who was deployed in a war zone but coming back Stateside in about a month from when I started corresponding with him. We “talked” a lot via email and Facebook chat, and were forming somewhat of a bond, and when he came back Stateside and we met in person, WHAMMO, fireworks, all kinds of craziness. And then 2-3 weeks in? Silence. He’d decided to rotate back overseas again, despite his complaints about being away from home, and decided that he didn’t want a serious relationship. But didn’t bother to discuss that with me until I called him on his insensitive treatment, ignoring me, etc. I found out later that his intense talk was just that, talk, and that he was out sleeping with young women his daughter’s age, so he wouldn’t get “caught up” in a relationship.

    The highs can be amazing, but those lows really hurt, and I had to choose to cut myself off from those highs, because that kind of drama just gets old and this dog is too old to put up with the same old tricks. :P

  22. 22
    San H.

    I just broke up with someone who had the same dating patterns. Since I first met him back in late Feb. We had only managed to see each other once a week or once every two weeks. I’ve had voiced my concerns to him that while I understood his position ( he was not in the military but he worked a job with irregular hours) I’d prefer he put in a little effort to try to see me a little more. Even then, when I try to text or call him I never hear from him until 5-6 hours later and then he tells me we can talk tomorrow.
    He was content with what we had, very limited contact followed by once a week meetups which always ended up with us having sex. He didn’t bother with taking me out anymore; it was always me traveling to see him on his terms.
    I was ngot happy. When I last decided to voice my concerns again, he blew up on me telling me he was a busy man and a grown ujp man at that and that I was being completely immature. for him to completely disregard my feelings was the last straw for me. There were a lot of things I put up witgh but I cannot stand being a doormat.

  23. 23
    Heather

    San, well, any guy who blows up on you for just voicing your concerns in a mature manner, is a red flag anyways. That’s a rage problem either in the making, or full-blown. I had a couple of guys do that even before meeting in person, just blow up over a simple question or request. Those folks are ticking time-bombs. Been there, done that, and have a pretty bad startle reflex over any guy raising his voice over any problem, to prove it, LOL.

    And to Lacy, that will be a big sign as well, if you once again present your needs, and if he gets nasty with you, get out. Immediately. Don’t give him another chance.

  24. 24
    Daisy

    This is a classic scenario that is written about in the book, Attached. I highly recommend it. I am drawn like a moth to a flame with the kind of guy described above, yet I am finally learning (mostly through reading this blog – Thanks, Evan) that it’s actually MY choice whether or not to invest in avoidant men. Steering clear of this who only wish to be peripherally involved has brought me so much peace and joy.

  25. 25
    Clare

    I agree with Happy Person.

    I think it depends very much on what you are looking for in a partner.
    I was married to guy who was very open and available and romantic and phoned me a lot, but I battled to meet his emotional needs. And he needed a wife who was more invested in a family and his dreams, and we were incompatible because I am very independent, as wonderful as he was.
    I am currently with a guy who is more like your military man. He is loyal and devoted and consistent, and loves me, yet he allows me my independence.
    Yet he is also independent and not a great communicator. He messages me by Skype every day but very rarely calls or texts, and he is the same with his family and friends. I have made requests, but essentially this is the way he is and it’s not going to change. The way I deal with it is if I really need to hear his voice I phone him or I stop by, and he has accepted that sometimes my need for contact is a little more than his.

    But essentially I am happier now because I have someone who loves me and is there, yet allows me my independence. And I don’t want children and he feels the same way. So, I think it’s a bit of a trade-off, I don’t think you necessarily get every need met. And I think it very much depends on who you are and what you want.

  26. 26
    keepingitrealistheonlyway

    Lacy unfortunately isn’t left with much choices here. It sounds like you and your bf speak different love languages and not to sound all doom and gloom, but you have to either accept who he is/military disposition or move on.
     
    Long distance relationships are really hard and therefore alternative measures have to be taken when physical touch and in-person correspondence is out of the question.
     
    The guy is a poor communicator and you have to just accept this “flaw” if the rest of what he has to offer outweighs this major glitch.
     
    You also need to ask yourself if you truly can cope with long distance relationships. They are not for everyone and his situation seems less than ideal. He cannot answer at your every whim and devote the level of attention that you need personally. If when he sees you in person he showers you with love and affection but also gives his friends/family marginal contact, that’s who he is.
     
    I met a fella recently (though online) and he seemed great except he just wasn’t a great communicator. Poor thing would try but just didn’t meet my expectations based on my previous experiences. Sometimes we’d talk constantly and consistently and other times with was tough due to his schedule, being active, huge time difference and at other times I had things come up that prevented us from talking as we had regularly planned. The solution for me was to end it until we can both be in the same place at the same time because I cannot and do not want to deal with that. It is not for me. I am very hands on anyway and I need to touch, feel, smell, taste, and have IN PERSON communication especially when someone is inconsistent with communication technology wise.

  27. 27
    Christine

    Hi Lacy.  Not sure how old this post is, but I was hoping to contribute by saying that everyone is different.  Some people are prompt responders, others aren’t.  No mate will ever be perfect.  It is a question of finding someone that you are compatible with.  Whomever you find will have something you’re not quite happy with.  It’s all about compromise.  Ask yourself: are you willing to accept or tolerate this aspect about him?  DO NOT EXPECT HIM TO CHANGE.  This is who he is.  Generally speaking, men are poorer communicators when compared to women.  So, we tend to get frustrated. Compromise is key.  Make sure he realises that there may be times where your text or phone call constitutes an emergency or something serious.  He really should respond to these asap.   I guess, this is obvious though, and he should be able to appreciate this.

  28. 28
    Mel

    “I think I’m just not gonna tell you anymore when I’m off so it’s not expected.” Yep. This is the reply I get from boyfriend that when we first met (just over 2 months ago) he said to me, ” I will always tell you when I’m off of work.” Well, over the past week he hasn’t been. We’ve had the talk a few times now about it. “Hey, when you tell me you’re going to do something and you don’t, it is disappointing and makes me feel like I can’t rely on your word.” He gets aggravated.  Makes a nasty remark. And, the following day does the same thing. Hours after I think he’s off of work, I’ll text him and he’ll say “I’m home.” So, frustrating! 
     

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