Where Do I Meet Single Men If I’m In My 40s?

I am 44 years old and entering the dating scene again for the first time in 25 years. Where do you go to meet someone at my age? I am not doing the online singles sites…that is just scary to me. I don’t go to church. I am new in town, with a few happily married friends.I have four grown who are trying to set me up (I love them, but what a nightmare!!). What do single people do at 40 and over? So much of my time was taken up with caring for someone else that now I just don’t know how to fill that time. Any suggestions?


Thanks for highlighting an important principle for women over 40 seeking love:

You will not find it unless you do something differently.

You said it yourself. You’re new in town. Your friends are married. You don’t go to church. You won’t date online because it’s scary.

It’s about attracting men, understanding men, and making them want to stick around forever and ever. That’s what I do for my clients every single day.

What do you expect me to tell you? No, really. What?

Every day I get emails from women who want one-on-one dating coaching but don’t want to try online dating. I tell each one the same exact thing:

“If you’re dating a few men right now and can guarantee me that you’ll have at least one date a week for the duration of our time together, we can start coaching. If not, what exactly are we going to talk about for 12 weeks?”

They usually come back with a “Well, I thought, as a dating coach, you’d have some ideas on meeting men. Isn’t that what dating coaching is all about?”

No, that’s what articles in Marie Claire are all about:

“The Ten Top Spots to Meet Hot Guys!”

Here, I spared you the trouble of Googling it: The 14 Best Places to Meet Eligible Men

Without giving anything away, Loriann, here are the actual places that have been recommended by a site called AllWomensTalk: the bar, the market, online, church, the water cooler, newspapers, college, friends, the gym, restaurants, work, vacation, parks, airplanes.

Where does this leave you? Apparently, it means standing around a lot, hoping that a cute, age appropriate, interested single guy happens upon you at the bar, the market, college, the gym, restaurants, parks, and airplanes.

So if it’s not already abundantly clear, dating advice is not about WHERE to meet men. It’s about attracting men, understanding men, and making them want to stick around forever and ever. That’s what I do for my clients every single day.

As to where you meet men, yes, there’s one place that’s more effective in making introductions than 100 visits to Whole Foods and Art History class combined.

It’s called Match.com, it’s open 24 hours a day, and it costs a lot less than getting on a plane and hoping to sit next to a 45-year-old eligible bachelor.

…if you won’t go outside your comfort zone, I can pretty much assure you that nothing’s going to change.

I highly suggest you get over your fear of online dating, not because it’s perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but because it’s ubiquitous and effective in creating opportunity. Rather than dip your toe in the water and give up because you’re intimidated, I highly encourage you to check out Finding the One Online, in which I hold your hand through the entire online dating process, from getting over your fears, to choosing a website, to writing a profile, to flirting with men and so on.

You don’t have to be single if you don’t want to be, Loriann. But if you won’t go outside your comfort zone, I can pretty much assure you that nothing’s going to change.

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  1. 151

    Only dating is the worst place to meet, i am 44 met one women who was very below average she looked dirty like a cavewomen she insulted me telling me that i look a lot older then my age and she wanted a hot guy. Women online think they can get the hot men but they can’t because most of them look awful are out of shape even obese full of wrinkles, the one i met was 35 she looked like 45.

  2. 152
    Sharon Renyard

    I’m 46 & have been on my own (by choice) since my marriage ended 4 years ago. Was encouraged by friends to join a dating site so I did at the end of August. I look after myself & I’m in good shape for my age – I don’t even want anything serious, it would just be nice to have someone to go out & have fun with sometimes. I’ve only met 2 men & both were keen to go out more than once, said I was very attractive, exactly their type etc……..nothing physical happened. Then a few days later, not sure we’re right for each other!?!? So that’s put me off online dating. I know there are good ones out there but no idea where

  3. 153

    I rather stay single then be in a relationship either the good guys are or not interested or want a women in her early 20’s I’m 34 I lost hope.

  4. 154

    I want to tell my recent meeting a player story. I am successful woman in my 50’s, attorney never married no children thought I knew the score. Met a middle eastern man but could have been from any place. He acted very sweet initially but once he was settled here turned from a 50 year old divorced man with 4 children responsible and respectful to a lecturous playboy who is now a sociopath dating women young enough to be his daughter and plans to marry for a green card, not work, wants them to earn $200k, they will also cook and clean and he will order them around. Oh yes, and he tossed me out once I got him comfortable with the culture here and even asked me where to meet hot women. Plus he gave me an STD and that is ALL he ever gave me. I got played. Never thought it would happen but men change when they see who they can get here in the US.

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