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dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz
How do you tell a friend you’ve known for years and never considered as a potential mate that you have changed your mind? Reality is, as I’ve evolved and grown, I realize that he is absolutely amazing.

Thanks, Anna

Dear Anna,

Good for you that you’ve evolved and grown to appreciate a man that you’ve never before considered as a potential mate. The only issue standing between you and eternal happiness is this minor one: does this guy think that YOU are absolutely amazing and a potential mate?

If not, this might be an ill-fated love affair.

The only issue standing between you and eternal happiness is this minor one: does this guy think that YOU are absolutely amazing and a potential mate?

Your email is short on information, so I’m left to extrapolate based on my experience as a dating coach. But one thing I can say definitively is this: if this man once had a crush on you and you turned him down because he wasn’t your type, you have a MUCH better chance of entering into a relationship with him. Men, especially nice guys, often stay “friends” with women in hopes of some miraculous situation like yours, where one day, you wake up and realize that the love of her life is right under your nose. (Don’t hold your breath, nice guys, women still tend to prefer the cocky unavailable types.)

On the other hand, if you’ve never had any indication that your friend has had any romantic interest in you before, what makes you think he might be interested in you? Because you’re interested in him? Sorry, but there’s no correlation. Unless he’s a super shy guy who doesn’t understand what every man has been taught since he’s 10 years old – men ask out women – my reflexive reaction is to wonder why he hasn’t ever made a move on you in all of your years as friends? My guess is not that he “didn’t want to ruin the friendship” but rather that he wasn’t attracted to you in “that way.” So, to me, the future of your crush isn’t really at all dependent on how you tell your friend, Anna. It’s dependent entirely upon whether he’s been holding a torch for you for all these years. If he has been, you’re in luck. If not, prepare to have a very, very awkward conversation with your close friend. Either way, I recommend you do it under the influence of alcohol.