Have you been cheated on? Have you had men leave you for other women? Have you experienced a lack of trust? It’s not easy to come back from that, but it’s imperative for the health of your future relationship to choose a trustworthy man and kick jealousy to the curb. Check out this Love U Podcast which begins with a dream that my wife had about my best friend.
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Hey, I’m Evan Marc Katz, the dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love.
Welcome to the Love U Podcast. I want you to stick around to the very end to discover why jealousy is a big old waste of time and energy. And when we are done, I’ll let you know how you can create a passionate relationship that makes you feel safe, heard, and understood.
Are you jealous? If so, this episode’s for you.
So here’s what going to do today. I’m going to tell you a true story. And I love this story because it tells you everything you need to know about my relationship. And I use my relationship because I think it’s a good one. I think it’s worth emulating. So last week, my wife and I are brushing our teeth side by side and we just woke up. It’s our master bathroom. We’re at our his and her sinks. And she tells me a short story about a dream that she had just the night before. And she just wakes up from the dream and in her dream, she was competing. I got to get this right. She was competing with our former babysitter for the affections of my best friend. Forty-eight single cute ladies. He’s out there. In the dream, my wife is competing with a babysitter for the affections of my single best friend. And the punch line is it turns out that he chose the babysitter and not my wife. My 30-year-old babysitter versus my 50-year-old wife and surprise, even in dreams, men are the worst. So what did they do? You know, what I’m doing right now? I laughed because it was funny. My wife thought it was funny, too. That’s why she shared it with me. She didn’t worry that I was going to get angry at her for thinking of infidelity in her dreams. She didn’t brace herself for a tough conversation about whether she’s really attracted to my best friend. Like I was going to press her on that. She didn’t tell me to fire the babysitter, former babysitter. But still, it was literally nothing. Nothing happened. My wife had a dream.
Now, let’s reverse the roles. Your boyfriend tells you he dreamed of your best friend and another woman competing for his affections. How do you react? How do you feel? What do you do? Chances are if you’re like most normal human beings, you feel threatened. You get upset. You act insecure. You turn it into an interrogation. Even though your boyfriend’s done nothing wrong except for telling you about his dream, which again, I think is inherently wrong.
So my question to you is, don’t you think couples should be able to share everything with each other without fear of retribution? Shouldn’t couples be able to have a conversation without walking on eggshells? Well, it depends. Are you in a healthy relationship where you feel secure or an unhealthy relationship where you feel insecure?
The reason my wife can tell me about her dream is that we’re happily married. And I’m not remotely threatened by my best friend. I suppose if I were in an unhappy marriage if I had low self-esteem, I didn’t trust my wife and my wife never made me feel desirable, I might feel threatened. But that begs the question, if you’re inclined to take that side of the argument, why would you be in a relationship where you’re unhappy, don’t trust someone, don’t feel desirable and suffers from low self-esteem? So the moral of the story is that if your relationship isn’t strong enough to handle the truth, what’s the point of having a relationship at all?
Your partner is the person who’s supposed to understand and accept all of you
Your partner is the person who’s supposed to understand and accept all of you, not the person you have to censor yourself around because of his insecurities or vice versa. You may know what it’s like to be in a relationship where you don’t trust your guy. I’m empathetic. But I can also tell you, being on the other side of it, being a trustworthy guy in a relationship where you’re not trusted is awful. It’s like going to a job that you really want to love, only to find out that the company monitors your screen time. Right. And searches you every day, pats you down before you leave to see if you have stolen office supplies. You’re not a thief. You never think of doing anything like that. But, hey, that’s their policy. Some bad employees stole some stuff from us in the past. So you get treated like a criminal because of it. Fun working environment, right?
So, as always, my message is consistent with everything that I teach in Love U. If you can’t tell a guy everything, he can’t tell you everything then you shouldn’t be in a relationship. If a guy can’t tell you everything, you shouldn’t be with him. And if you punish a partner for his honesty, that only sends one message: you want him to lie to you. There is literally nothing better or more important than being accepted in full. And I could assure you that my wife is really happy that she could tell me about her ill-fated affair in her dreams with my best friend.
My name is Evan Marc Katz.
Thank you for tuning into the Love U podcast.
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And if you’re ready to find love now look for the link in the description below. Fill out an application to Love U and I’ll talk to you.
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