It’s a pretty weird time to be dating. Even so, Love U members are meeting wonderful, highly motivated men, even during this pandemic. So how can you tell if a guy is keeping busy or stringing you along until he finds someone he likes better? Check out this Love U Podcast to get clear on whether your quarantine crush has long-term potential.
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Hey, this is Evan Marc Katz, the dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love.
I coach an exclusive group of women who are serious about gaining confidence, setting boundaries, and making better relationship choices that lead to lasting love.
So the story I’m about to tell you might as well be a microcosm of every baffling guy story ever. So pay really close attention. I’m going to tell you how to tell if a man is serious about dating during this coronavirus crisis. And really, it’s not that hard to tell.
So story. I got a buddy. He’s one of my last remaining single friends. I love him to death. We’ll call him Charlie. Charlie is 53. He’s never married. He has what’s known as an avoidant personality, which means he’s a super guy, sweet, funny, successful, solid guy. He really wants intimacy, but he tends to be afraid of it when he gets too close. He tends to pull away. Those guys drive women crazy and he drives me crazy. He’s my flakiness friend. I know if I make plans with him half the time, he’s going to bail and reschedule. Factor in that he travels for a living and dating him has to be really tough.
But the story really isn’t about my friend or why you should or should not date him. This is a story about how easy it is to tell if a man is into you and is serious. So I’m on the phone. We’re catching up on Zoom because that’s what we do during these times. And he’s telling me about his love life. He’s asked me about my family. And he was explaining a phenomenon that I’m sure you’ve seen.
There are guys who really want to date right now, and some of them are terrible and like they’re still looking for dick pics and hookups and stuff like that. But there are some decent guys out there and they’re discovering that it’s difficult to sustain momentum at a time that we’re locked down.
And so he’s telling me, “Yeah, I’m talking to women and I’m on Bumble. And women are writing to me and I’m just finding it really hard to follow through.” And again, the guy already has trouble following through. So without personal contact, any escalation, without physical intimacy, without going out for dinner and drinks, it is genuinely harder to do it now. Good sites that will save that for another video.
So he’s telling me his not a sob story. It’s just my heart’s not in it. And I thought that was going to be the sum total of his story. It wasn’t what it was about. That’s why I’m telling you, the story. It turns out that my buddy Charlie, at the end of the call tells me, there’s always people he’s talking to. But there’s one person who he doesn’t get tired of talking to.
… at the end of the day, he’s discovered he really wants to talk to her.
And every night for the past week, at the end of the day, he’s discovered he really wants to talk to her. So he’s been planning Zoom calls with her and talking to her for two, three hours every night for the past week. And it feels great. And it’s different and it’s promising. And it doesn’t take any effort. And he feels really connected to her. And I was like, “that’s beautiful, Charlie. Thank you for letting me know.”
And the first thing I did was go back and tell my Love U coaching group about this story because I can understand why it’s really confusing in real life. It feels very hard to tell if the guy is into you. Coronavirus could double that, except for the fact that it’s not that hard. The guy who likes you is unstoppable. I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. What are you doing tonight? How about tomorrow? How about this weekend? When can I see you next? I want you to meet my friends. Want to take a vacation? Yeah. Those guys are on you like white on rice.
It’s all the other stuff that you buy that you put up with that you don’t have to. The guy who’s not that into you. The guy who’s too busy at work. The guy is looking for a once a week hook up and is content with that. The guy is keeping his options open until he finds somebody he likes better. That guy is everywhere.
And it’s no different from non-coronavirus times. That’s a guy who gives you just enough to think he might be interested, but he never actually steps up to the plate to be interested. Right? And he is, in fact, the guy who is not that into you, too busy at work looking for a once a week hookup. He is keeping his options open. That guy you tell to take a hike if he doesn’t step up his efforts in a month or something like that. That’s not that complicated.
But I’m telling you the story so you could recognize there are at this moment, good guys. And if they find you intoxicating and irresistible and they feel connected to you, they will continue to pursue you. No matter what they’re like in other circumstances. Guys treat women that they really like different. And you don’t have to do anything differently to make them do it.
You just have to have a shorter leash for the guys who are not stepping up to the plate because they cost a lot of time and energy on wishful thinking that this guy’s going to be different than this guy’s going to step up after three months of texting. He’s not.
As for how to handle the guy who likes you. I got an entire month of coaching just on that subject in Love U Courtship being selected, becoming exclusive, boyfriend behavior. It maps out exactly what to do when you’re deciding if a guy is worth your boyfriend investment.
So click below to learn more or apply to Love U.
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