Sick of swiping right and texting? Want to meet quality men who are invested in you instead of putting up with flakes? Listen to this Love U Podcast to learn what you can do to ensure that the relationship-oriented guys take you on proper dates, just the way you like it.
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Are you using dating apps and dating sites? Are you frustrated with how many guys swipe right and text but don’t follow through? Did you know there’s a completely different way of screening men that will result in you having a fun online dating experience and meeting only highly motivated guys? Stick around and I’ll show you how.
I’m Evan Marc Katz, Dating Coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal trainer for love. Welcome to the Love U podcast. Stay to the end of this video to discover a better way to date online. When we’re done, I’ll let you know how you can apply to Love U to create a passionate relationship that makes you feel safe, heard, and understood.
So today I’m going to give you a sneak peek inside of Love U, metaphorically speaking. I got to tell you some terminology that we use inside the course that I think is very useful. I always talk about something called the funnel. If you go into the Love U Facebook group, there are hundreds of women and they talk about the funnel and the funnel basically said there are a billion guys online. And our job is to narrow them down.
Now, the reason I’m doing this podcast and video for you is that the way people funnel the way people narrow people down, I think is highly misguided and counterproductive to your goal. Now, I get into this in great detail in Week Seven of Love U. Love U is my signature course. There are 26 weeks and week seven is online dating, and I offer 90 minutes of my best online dating advice, including the 222 rule, opinion openers, and a checklist tree to print out to help you develop healthy daily dating practice. And dating is a daily practice. Regardless of that, one thing that I realized is that good advice doesn’t matter much if you don’t know how to search for a guy online. So you can think you’ve got a great profile and you’ve got a great texting emoji game when you’ve got cute pictures. But if you don’t know how to search for a guy and finding the guy is the issue, you’re going to end up in the same place you were before. It’s hard to complain that men are shallow and flaky. If the only way you’re interacting with them is swiping right on cute photos and texting. The medium itself is the problem with dating apps.
The medium itself is the problem with dating apps.
So I’m going to say let’s say you’re on a mainstream dating site on Match.com, Plenty Of Fish, and OK Cupid, big mainstream brands like and they’re all owned by Match. So what do most women do when they get to one of these sites? Makes perfect sense. I know who I am. I know what I like. I know what I’m attracted to. Here’s what I’m worth. And I’m going to narrow down my choices. And as a result, what you end up doing is screaming out. You’re looking for a perfect guy based on what you like.
He’s six feet tall. He makes six figures or he makes more than I do. He has these hobbies. He is within a couple of years of my age range or younger. We would go on and on. And the more things we select for, the narrower the dating pool does.
I thought of doing infographics of this, really showing how the dating pool narrows because 86 percent of men are less than six feet tall and 90 percent of men make less than one hundred thousand dollars. And ninety-five percent of men don’t have master’s degrees. And these are ballpark numbers. But you get the idea the more you narrow it down. One point seven percent of men are Jewish. So the more you narrow down, the more your pool shrinks, restructuring shrinks. And then what happens? You set your narrow filters like “OK, these are my guys.” And now if a cute guy writes to you, he’s pretty much guaranteed. If he reaches out to you and you find him attractive, he’s pretty much guaranteed of a date. You’re going to go on a date with a guy because you set your criteria so narrow and so high that finding anybody you like is kind of rare. That’s what happens when you’re singularly focused. And to you this makes sense. But here’s the problem with that methodology of screening. There are very few guys who qualify. Really, very few guys qualify. And you end up getting false positives or something like that. You end up disqualifying men who are actually qualified because these men are not screened and not screened for quality. They’re screened based on these arbitrary search criteria, which doesn’t encompass everything.
I always use my wife and me as a perfect example. We’re both on Match.com at the same time. My age range wasn’t broad enough to accommodate her when she was three years older than my pop age. My wife, I can guarantee, was not looking for a Jewish guy, much less a Jewish atheist when she was dating online. She was probably looking for a sort of generic Christian guy because she’s Catholic. This is the problem. Our search criteria unnecessarily narrow things arbitrarily. And then because we think we did a good job with our search any guy who gets through the screen sails through quickly and now he gets a free pass. But these guys haven’t put in any time. You haven’t differentiated yourself from the other people he’s talking to. And because he’s your type, and it’s hard to find, you end up where you are now, having a lot of texting relationships, going out on lame blind coffee dates, hooking up with a guy that you barely know because he was cute, but he didn’t put in an effort to earn that date with you. All he had to do was pass your criteria. And that leads to lots of bad dates and lots of bad feelings around dating, online dating, and men.
So the Love U way flips that whole thing around instead of putting on this high screaming filter at the beginning and making it essentially impossible for most guys to get to you. We want you to have access to the whole phone book. We want you to see everybody. We want you to keep your screening open, your funnel wide at the beginning and then narrow it based on his efforts to determine whether he’s worthy of meeting you. This means instead of putting a narrowed search criteria, you’d go on there, you put in an age range, five years younger to 10 years older, within 20 miles of your house. And you just start browsing guys on Match.com. I recommend using the reverse match function, which shows you men who are looking for women your own age. So broad age criteria. Five years younger to 10 years older. Ballpark. And now just look through, guys. And now we’ve got 10 times more men than you were looking at before. And you might discover there are some cute guys with good profiles and senses of humor who might have filled out your original thing wrong because you said you were looking for X, but he’s Y. And like, these things are malleable. We treat them as if they’re not. But they are.
The more people who you see, the more people see you, the more options you have, the more men you have in your funnel. And now we’ve got seven to 10 guys at a given time who are of quality that you can screen based on efforts to take him from the dating site to your email to a phone call over the course of time and watch as these men either hang themselves because they are lazy, perverted, negative, impatient, incurious, stupid. You discovered that with a couple of emails on the dating site and a couple of emails on Gmail and phone calls, you get to discover what kind of guy you have in your hand instead of giving them a free pass.
This is the alternative. Generally, women grant that free pass. He’s cute. You give him your phone number and now you’re stuck. You’re either texting or you’re going out with someone who hasn’t put in any effort. He’s got nothing invested in you.
So my way is literally the opposite of the way you’ve been doing it. But that’s why it works because the thing you’ve been doing hasn’t been working. That’s why you’re here because your way hasn’t gotten you what you want.
If you want, I know how to do this even more specifically, week seven of Love U, I go into great depth on what I call the 222 rule, how to screen guys, how to keep a full online dating funnel so that you’re only going out with men that you want. And you could put in about a half-hour a day to online dating and pretty much guaranteed that you go on one quality, prescreened to date with a highly motivated man each and every week instead of getting stuck in texting hell.
My name is Evan Marc Katz.
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Thank you so much.
I will talk to you soon.
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