The One Feeling You CAN Trust When Choosing a Good Man

You’ve opened your heart and had it broken. You’ve poured yourself into relationships that started off promising…but ended in sorrow. You’ve tried dating different types of guys but the only thing they seem to have in common is that they all disappoint you in the end. You don’t trust your own judgment and you’re afraid you’ll never figure this out. In the next few minutes, I’m going to explain to you how you can learn to trust yourself and make better choices with men in the future. Stick around.

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  1. 1
    Caroline Luce

    I can feel a real difference in levels of anxiety between different men. I am dating (just the beginning, not a relationship) a man with whom I feel anxious between dates. I’m also seeing another guy as a friend only but with maybe some interest to explore things further with whom I feel 100% relaxed and have no anxiety. The first man I am more interested in romantically, while the second one feels more like a friend to me and I don’t know if there is a pull for anything more.

    My main issue is the anxiety with the first guy has nothing to do with his actions. He is consistent, follows up, makes plans, calls me, says he likes me, does everything right. When we are together, we connect intimately in conversation, more than with any other guy I’ve been with. We have lots in common and a common vision for the future. The issue is that his personality sometimes sets off some triggers in me because of his introversion. I am always drawn to more introverted types, but my father and ex boyfriend who were both emotionally volatile caused me to react with anxiety to someone more quiet and introverted because when they went quiet meant danger. I can’t help what I’m attracted to, but I do have this anxiety which I believe is largely because of ME.

    What should I do in this case? Settle for someone who feels more like a friend so there is no initial anxiety, or work on overcoming my triggers and see what happens if I do with someone I’m truly drawn to?

  2. 2
    Anita McKewen

    Great episode, Evan!
    I’m dating a guy right now, who treats me like a queen. I have no relationship-related anxiety. However, I’m really not all that attracted to him, and we have significant cultural differences (he’s Philipino – raised in the Philippines, speaks 3 dialects, plus a couple of other languages, so, certainly gotta admire that! – and I’m about as California-white as you’ll find). He’s been divorced 7 years, and I’m the first person he’s dated in all that time. I told him, “You shouldn’t just stop dating with the first person you meet! You need to date around!” His reply: “If I’ve found a diamond, why would I go looking for rubies?”
    We’ve been dating now for a couple of months, and I’ve found him to be kind, very thoughtful, generous, and patient. The “problem”: Conversation doesn’t “flow” due to the fact that English is like his third language. And good, flowing conversation is important to me. But as time goes on,I AM learning his “language.” I just am not sure if I would be happy REALLY long term with him.
    Oh, I should say, we’re both in our early 60s with adult children – so, not kids ;-).

  3. 3

    Very good podcast. So true. For me I always have a bit of anxiety as I have a personality disorder which causes anxiety with attachment. But this time around my anxiety is so baseline for the BPD reactivity.
    Thanks for sharing your experience it helps

  4. 4
    In Hiding

    I’ve dated guys with whom I don’t have anxiety and it STILL
    didn’t work out. Maybe the right for me doesn’t exist.

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