Like many of your readers, I’ve been lurking in the weeds for a while, soaking up your wisdom and learning about how things work in the dating world – a place I’ve been out of for quite a long time. My divorce has been final for two years after a 20+ year marriage.
During the last couple years, I was busy with work and teenagers, testing the waters organically within my friend network. But there was this let-down or that strange situation, and I began to realize that maybe I should delicately step my toe into the broader market. Understandably, I was scared silly. And yet, when I received your emails, your advice resonated and helped me understand the rules of engagement, something I had not thought of and certainly wasn’t savvy enough to know in my 20s when I was actively dating. Confidence, setting boundaries, being the “CEO” of my dating life – these were new and compelling concepts.
So, when a really lovely man I was casually dating told me he had a FWB arrangement which prevented us from going deeper – and he hoped it wouldn’t affect our ability to continue to date – I arrived at a turning point. To that moment, I was working on what I wanted from men, which wasn’t much coming out of failed marriage. But that conversation crystallized a lot of things and wafting in the air were all your posts of how to date well and find love. Yes, love. True love. Such a beautiful idea.
Then and there, I realized it applied to me and that was what I wanted. Meaningful, beautiful, partnership with someone else. I bought Believe in Love and devoured it. Take action you said. Yikes! I started slow, signing up for some of the elite men-pay/women-don’t matchmaking services and was accepted. Soon, I added on Match. On my first day (today), there were two seemingly nice guys who emailed me and we started talking.
Evan, I don’t know how this story ends and it is certainly just beginning but I wanted to send you a happy note to say that your advice has made a really sweet difference in my thinking and my actions. I’ve read your story several times and want to tell you how great it is that you “failed” and “succeeded” and found your place. Kudos to you. Thank you for the gifts you provide.
I’m hopeful there is a happy place for me. For now, I’m just walking in with a sense of realism and adventure, biting my bottom lip and thinking good thoughts. I am profoundly surprised I have had the guts to buy a Matcch subscription and just thinking the best about it all.
Thank you for the push. May the gods of karma and good living serve us all well.