In the midst of having a new relationship come apart at its hinges, I Googled “why men pull away” and found your e-Book, “Why He Disappeared.” I took a glass of wine, my iPad and a box of Kleenex to the patio and began to read. I didn’t have to read beyond “men disappear because they don’t feel good around you,” before realizing that I had landed on what was likely going to be the single most important tool in my search for lasting love. I was able to see where I had pushed away, diminished, and even admonished many of the things that my date was seeking me to value, in him. While I knew it was unlikely that my boyfriend would return, I did know that I could apply my new wisdom in my next relationship.
I was searching for answers. I was searching for information on what to do, how to behave, and how to act—to GET HIM to return. I wasn’t prepared to learn that it was ME, however quickly realized that it was and that I had the power to CHANGE MYSELF.
“Single, 44, never married, no kids” had turned into a sort of bad mantra for me. An outgoing, successful professional with good genes, no one close to me could understand why I hadn’t been able to find or keep love. Little did they know that it was me that was standing in the way of love. Reflecting back on my relationships—particularly the ones where I had fallen in love and subsequently endured painful breakups—was difficult work but essential to see the patterns of my behavior. If I dated a wealthy man, I pushed away his generosity. If I dated a traditional suitor, I pushed away his advances. If I dated a man who was consistently complimentary, I pushed away his kind words. These men left because they didn’t feel good around me. They couldn’t satisfy me. They felt like what they were offering me wasn’t enough or was simply wrong. Oh, if they only knew my truth.
It’s only been a couple of weeks since I’ve read Why He Disappeared and I’ve already seen a change. First, I’ve become obsessed with spouting off my newfound wisdom to my girlfriends, who have all said “This makes perfect sense!” and “I NEED to read that book!” I’ve accepted two dates with men I’ve met online (following your 2/2/2 method, another testimonial!) and when opportunities to practice what I’ve learned appear, I am AMAZED at these men’s reactions. I seriously feel like I have magic powers! I’ve decided to not “steer” these developing relationships. Instead, I’m going to allow these men to do what they are so eager to do—COURT the woman they are interested in. While I am uncertain if either of these two men are “The One,” I no longer feel the futility, frustration or fear I once felt when dating someone. I no longer feel scared to “fall,” fearful that it was all likely to disappear.
Thank you for writing this book. Thank you for giving me 130 pages of straightforward, engaging, and hope-filled writing.