Just want to drop you a quick note to let you know that I read your book, followed your advice and broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years after I realized it was a dead-end relationship. While it was very difficult, I knew I had made the right decision to move on so I could make myself available to a man who wanted the same things that I did…marriage and a happy life together. I didn’t plan on dating immediately after I broke up with my ex because I wanted to drop a few pounds and get back in to the swing of being a single person again. I then decided to take a vacation by myself and visit family and friends in Hawaii.
So, I was at the airport dressed in shorts, a casual pullover, flip flops and no makeup, waiting for the flight and I noticed this handsome outdoorsy looking man around my age with a hiking backpack waiting at the same gate as mine. The first thing I said to myself was, “wow I hope he’s sitting next to me”, then laughed to myself because I travel alone a lot and have never been seated next to a handsome stranger. When I got in the plane and headed for my seat, I couldn’t believe who was seated at the window next to me…it was the handsome stranger!
For the first hour we didn’t really say anything to each other. The food came and I was on a strict Paleo diet at the time so I couldn’t eat most of the food that came including the chocolate covered macadamia nuts. I offered them to him, he smiled at me and accepted, then started talking to me… We talked for the rest of the flight. It was really weird because our conversation flowed like we were old friends. Usually when I meet men it’s kind of awkward in the beginning. Anyway, I found out that we both were on vacation by ourselves in Hawaii, we both loved hiking, the beach and travel, and we also both lived in LA. We were 1 year apart in age, had the same religious and political views, and also had many other things in common. Just as we were landing, he asked me for my phone number and permission to call me. I said yes, and we made our first outing a few days later.
I had a car so I picked up one of my friends first (in case he was crazy, I didn’t want to be alone in the car with him) then picked him up at a nearby shopping center. We took him on a “locals only” tour of the island (I was born and raised there). We had a great time and he later asked me if it was ok to call me when I got back to LA. I said yes and we eventually started dating.
While dating, I reminded myself to stick to all of your advice and keep cool. I let him do all the work while I just sat back and accepted date after date. I also made him wait forever to have sex. Haha!
I used to be sort of the controlling type of person in past relationships because it’s just how I am at work. I set a goal, make a plan and then execute. I realized from you that it doesn’t work like that in relationships for women. Sometimes we need to let the man take charge in order for him to feel attracted to us. Men want to feel like men when they get home, not like they need to compete with another man when they leave work. It sounded so strange and old fashioned but I believe now that it really is the truth. I let him pay, I let him drive, I let him plan most of the dates and the vacations, I let him open my door, I let him carry my groceries etc… I had been so used to doing EVERYTHING for myself that I think that I often emasculated my past boyfriends and made them feel worthless to me because I was completely taking that role away from them. I realize now, part of the problem was me and I now take responsibility for what I can also positively contribute to the relationship.
Fast forward to now… That handsome stranger turned into my boyfriend, then husband and we will be celebrating our 1-year wedding anniversary in March!
Anyway, just wanted to drop you an email and thank you for writing your book. It has helped me open my eyes and to finally have the kind of relationship I’ve always wanted.
Love & Aloha,