"I have read it 10 times already, and keep revisiting it every time I begin to even hint at a moment’s insecurity."
Hi there, the man in my life was forever disappearing, we fell in love 3 years ago, it was a flurry of activity and amongst the love poems he was writing for me, the attention and the fun we were having it all went terribly sour when his estranged wife found out about me, and he got thrown in to the depths of guilt and a sense of “doing right” for his children. I started to load pressure on, as I felt he “owed” me more than he was giving! After all we had been through so much together, had so much fun, even lived together for 7 months! I bought another on line dating guide, I wanted him and things back to the way they were. It didn’t work, and I played it by the book! This made me feel terribly insecure, and sent me spiralling in to coming across as needy, clingy with a sense of not being able to cope on my own.
I wanted to understand his perspective, I felt that I was a real catch, so why didn’t he want me, the way I wanted him? I felt I was easy going, fun to be with, open in the bedroom, helpful, a good listener, I would cook great meals, buy amazing presents, I literally couldn’t understand where I was going wrong!!
I learnt a massive lesson… I was a fixer, every time something went wrong, I would rise to the occasion and try to fix it! I would also chase, send that little email asking if he wanted to chat online, send silly little texts, and then get very upset when I didn’t get a reply, this in turn made me feel very insecure, and so I would “try” more! An endless cycle! I learnt to sit back and be chased, be open to his advances, and let him have the masculine energy…
Now I am in a situation where he chases me, when he reaches me, I am soft and warm and let my feminine charms go to work. I never ask for a date, or an online chat. I have the confidence now to show support but not try to fix the situation by offering LOTS of advice, and what to do’s! He wants a date; he asks and I say yes. He wants me to go over and spend the evening with him; I say yes. He wants to hold my hand and show me off; I say yes. Brilliant! Once you understand where men are coming from, which I would not have been able to do without the help of Why He Disappeared, it is very simple!
I have never felt so relaxed around him, he knows this and wants to spend more time with me. His choice! And I discovered that actually after a 20-year marriage where he was never able to make choices for himself, he actually quite likes to do this. I was talking to him last night, and he said to me (direct quote): “You have changed, you must have, because I can’t see how I could’ve missed seeing you in this light.” I told him, “No I haven’t changed, still the same me here.” He said, “Trust me, you have, I see you differently, you are beautiful inside and out, and I don’t regret one moment in time that I spend with you, not one!”
This was one of the best investments I have ever made, a very powerful programme. I have read it about ten times already, and plan to keep revisiting it, every time I begin to even hint at a moment’s insecurity. Thank you so much Evan.