"After reading Evan’s material. I enjoyed my dates and I learned to trust my feelings and instincts more."
I had spent a year and a half wasting my time with a man who would never be a good match for me. Sure, we had a lot in common and he was a wonderful friend, things were very comfortable, on the surface. After a 21 year (very unhappy) marriage, I thought perhaps friendship was as good a base as any for a relationship. I was sorely mistaken, and the more time I spent with him the more I cared, but it was not that way for him. I did go on a few dates during this time because my “friend” would not define our relationship as dating. That didn’t work, because I just wanted my friend to realize how much he wanted to be with me! After much frustration, I tried just being friends because, as I said he was a really good friend.
About 6 months after I decided to be “just friends”, he was engaged to someone he had dated previously and was still in love with. I felt so foolish for wasting my time and for being so blind. I couldn’t understand why someone I had been so good to didn’t return my feelings. I ended the friendship after that. It was just to hurtful to continue and it was blocking me from finding true happiness.
I did take a 6 month “guyatus”, but being 46 and divorced with a grown child, I was not in a hurry to meet someone. I wanted to take some time to understand what I wanted, to give myself some time to grow. I did not want to make another bad decision which left me in an unhappy relationship. I wanted to be better at reading signals but more important, I wanted to be more interested in how I felt about a man, rather than obsessing about how he felt about me.
I wasn’t really sure Evan’s writings would apply to me. So much I read about dating is directed towards younger women looking to get married and start a family. I am happy to say that Evan’s newsletter was a revelation. For me, the part that stands out the most is when he writes “you say yes”. I looked at dating differently after reading Evan’s material. I enjoyed my dates and I learned to trust my feelings and instincts more. I dropped my ‘I don’t need a man’ guard and learned to let go. I have learned that if you have to analyze how a man feels about you, you’re not in the right relationship. In the right relationship you feel secure enough that the need to analyze dissolves.
After a few first dates and some dates that led to subsequent dates but not much more, I met a wonderful man on Match. He is, to quote “Fools Rush In”, everything I never knew I always wanted. He is kind and caring, with wonderful values. He makes me feel like the most special woman in the world. I never have to wonder how he feels about me, I KNOW. We have been dating for 6 months and I have no doubt that this is a wonderful, healthy relationship.
It has been a wonderful 6 months, and learning to let go and just have fun was freeing. I learned to date without worrying about the outcome, and what a wonderful outcome it is!