Hi Evan. I hope you can help. This is about my son. I love him dearly. First, I can say he is not gay. But he is already 29 and tells me he doesn’t believe in marriage. He believes in plurality in relationships. He refuses most arguments about the benefits of being married and insists that the best lifestyle for him is not to be faithful to one woman, but to have many women.
See, this breaks my heart. As a mother I want him to find a women that loves him, get married and have children and be faithful like a normal person would do.
How can I help him move his thinking towards favoring marriage and faithful relationships?
Any suggestions? Please help.
I’m going to answer your question, but I can’t “help”.
Because your query presumes that you can “make him” do something that he doesn’t want to do. And you can’t. The second you accept that is the second that you’re going to come to peace with reality.
If he wants to be free, there’s absolutely nothing his MOM can say that’s going to change his mind
Reality is that your son wants to be free. And if he wants to be free, there’s absolutely nothing his MOM can say that’s going to change his mind – no matter how earnest, factual and logical.
So I’m going to attempt to do two things today. One, I’m going to explain to you HIS point of view. And I’m going to give you some ammunition for YOUR point of view for when you ignore my advice and continue to try to convince him that he’s wrong.
Your son believes in “plurality” in relationships. He wants to have many women.
Guess what? So do most men.
The question is whether it’s a short-term or a long-term proposition.
At 29, I was still looking for a girlfriend, but I was very much enjoying the opportunity to sleep around for awhile before I started building my future. It would be somewhat unusual if he DIDN’T want to sleep around. Especially since biologically, this is what men are programmed to do. Really. It’s not even debatable.