5 Ways to Make Him Fall in Love with You

episode 75 5 ways to make him fall in love with you

Let’s start here: if you have a selfish, abusive, lying, slacker boyfriend, dump him now. But if you have a good – albeit imperfect – man, here are 5 ways to bring out the best in him – and get the love you deserve.

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  1. 21

    Emily, I don’t understand your question. I’ll answer the best I can.


    From what I can tell these guys put their full faith and effort into the marriage, only to discover that this challenging woman would always be too much of a challenge. I sometimes want to tell them how stupid they were, but I bite my tongue out of being polite. They thought they were getting their dream, the woman who they thought was out of their reach.   I’ve seen so many of these guys with just completely broken hearts. It is so sad. And these are good guys, too. This is an observation I never thought I would see, until I added   divorce to my law practice.


  2. 22


    I can tell you all about such men because my father is one.   Despite being a successful attorney who founded his own small firm my father was raised intellectual narcissist father who physically abused his children.   My grandmother was also intellectually accomplished but lacked the strength to leave her intensely insecure and easily triggered, violent husband.   Although my father was successful academically and professionally he struggled with women, partly because he was a sensitive “nice guy” and partly because he was fascinated by intellectual women who rarely returned his fascination.   He has hinted that he did have a few “nice girl” girlfriends but that in the long run he was bored by them.   When he met my mother he thought he’d hit the jackpot.   She was physically attractive as well as highly intellectually accomplished; she was accepted at an Ivy League law school during their courtship but decided to attend law school locally to stay with him.   Unfortunately for him she was hiding her own volatile and narcissistic temperament while they dated but once the stressors of children and a law career came along she couldn’t hold it in any longer and began her lifelong habit of criticizing his every move.   A divorce would have ruined him financially, but more than that I believe that life with an intellectually intriguing but abusive narcissist is “normal” to him because that’s how he was raised.   Now, I don’t think even my father’s best friends know about his abusive childhood.   I imagine that most people, seeing how successful and personable he is, would never suspect that he grew up in an abusive home.   But he did, and when he was in his 20s and 30s he viewed therapy as something for crazy people, not him.   I don’t think he’s ever really worked through these issues; perhaps it is denial.   But that’s one story about why a man selected and stayed with a critical and demanding woman.

    By the way Persephone I love your comments.   They’re very interesting.

  3. 23

    Being in the right place at the right time.
    Sadly, this is the criteria the large majority of men seem to use. I’m an attorney, and I’ve seen many regretful situations. This is giving me a great understanding as to why marriages don’t work, and to try to explore the reasons that the few do work.
    There are many men who regret not marrying the perfect girl because she wasn’t with him at the right time of his life. Maybe they felt like they wanted to establish their career a little bit better , or they wanted to party with the boys for a few more years before settling down. There are many men out there who don’t know a good thing until it’s gone. And by then it’s usually too late. Someone else will snatch her up, and a lot of times it’s a guy that’s not worthy of having her.
    There are a lot of men out there with regrets. I see good men who are by-and-large committed to the one they finally married who end up overextending themselves on the family home they could afford, or making sure that she had the car that she wanted. Then they get kicked to the curb after the wife overextends their credit cards for yet another piece of jewelry,or that cruise. She is using you buddy. I kid you not, this is so common. Then the man is ruined, not just financially but also emotionally. He feels used, and he was.
    He continues to work his electrical job, or what-have-you, so that he’s overextended with overtime, and the amount of the child support calculations means that he can’t cut back on his hours. So he’s stuck working 70 hours a week to satisfy the woman even after they are divorced. Before I became an attorney, which was a second career for me, I used to think it was the man’s fault most of the time. After several years as an attorney, I have a different view.
    Guys, marry the girl who is not materialistic. If she says a ring from the pawn shop is what she prefers, out of principle, snatch her up and never let go. Marry the girl who will be just giving to you as you would want to be to her. It’s better to be single than it is to marry someone just because they’re there at the right place and the right time. If you find a rare gem, marry her. Rearrange your big plans. Marry her. She’ll be the right girl, and she’ll encourage you to not change your plans, but to bring her along for the ride.
    By the way, I know I’m a rare gem, but I’m not at the right place or the right time for him. We will part in two months never to see each other again. I know that he will always regret losing me, but he doesn’t see it right now. It hurts me just to know how much he’s going to hurt over this, because I care about him so much. There’s nothing I could do to change it. He’s made his dreams and they don’t include me. Like so many other men I’ve spoken to before seeking help with a divorce, he will regret giving me up, because his dreams will never really be enough. Instead, he’s going to find somebody else, who is at the right place at the right time. Because of the situation, he’s going to be viewed as quite the catch, and an easy target for deceptive young ladies who will make his life a living hell after marriage. I can see it in the cards. There’s nothing any of us can do, because most men will only marry the girl who is there at the right place and time, instead of rare gem they happened to meet but who was not convenient for them at the moment.

  4. 24


    The woman who makes the man feel good about himself. But then there are two types of these.
    Type 1.  The woman who knows the art. She has learned that for every action there is a reaction. She knows how to put on a certain kind of perfume, and dress the part, and play the part, and say all the right things. She knows how to make him feel so good in the moment. This man has something that she wants, and it could be a great personality, a great house, a good income, or an MD behind his name. She knows he’s going to be viewed as a good catch by everybody else, and this man is a commodity that she aims to win. These kind of marriages make great income for divorce lawyers. This woman has been smart enough to go after the assets by marrying this guy. Fortunately she’s done it without a prenup agreement.
    Type 2.  There is no art in this women’s intent. She’s just a rare and true true gem who’s love knows no depth, and think thinks her man hung the Moon. She’s just herself, and is usually just a plain ol’ gal, who is honest, and makes the man feel good because she truly loves him.
    Unfortunately, she’s the type of “hidden value” woman who men with narcissist personality disorder often pursue. It’s the men who are like the type one woman above, who know how to act the right way and say all the right things to make the woman feel good, so that she’ll love him, and then in return make him feel good on a superficial level. She’s nothing more than a commodity to him.
    More often than not, this true gem is not flashy enough for some men, who really truly get what they deserve. Or good but foolish men think another one will come along just like her and throw her away because she’s not in the right place at the right time, no matter how perfect she is. Unfortunately, he doesn’t understand how rare she is, either. That leaves her open to being grabbed up by the narcissist personality disorder that I mentioned in the paragraph above. These are the women that need the most help in divorces, but they just don’t make enough money for divorce attorneys, because they’ve been nothing but a commodity that can be used up.
    Can the type one and type two women ever can the type one and type two women ever have good marriages? Of course they can!
    As for as for the type one woman, perhaps a good quality man comes along and realizes what a gem she is and never lets her go.

  5. 25
    Zachary Whiteley

    There are certainly numerous particulars like that to take into consideration. That may be a great point to deliver up. I supply the ideas above as general inspiration however clearly there are questions like the one you bring up the place a very powerful factor will be working in sincere good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged round things like that, however I’m sure that your job is clearly recognized as a good game. Both boys and girls feel the influence of just a second’s pleasure, for the rest of their lives.

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