Can Introverts and Extroverts Work as a Couple?

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Introverts are imaginative, thoughtful, and sensitive. But in a world where you have only a a few hours make a first impression, taking time to warm up to strangers is a distinct challenge. So how should introverts date? Should they pair with extroverts or stick with other introverts who recharge by being alone? Tune in to find out.

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  1. 1

    I can’t download the video for some reason but most of the couples I know, with the exception of two couples (who are extroverts), are a combination of introvert / extrovert. The extrovert couples don’t seem to compete with each other for attention and it works for them and the introvert / extrovert couples seem to balance each other out, which works for them too. I don’t know what I’d consider myself to be because I feel like I’m a bit of both, but I tend to couple up with introverts.

    1. 1.1

      KK said: “I don’t know what I’d consider myself to be because I feel like I’m a bit of both”

      You could take an MBTI (Myers Briggs) personality test online.
      Not all tests are created equal, but it can be interesting to see how one scores.
      I always get INFP.

      1. 1.1.1

        I’ve taken those and always get ENFP.

        1. Michelle

          ENFPs  sometimes seem ambiverted because they have the preference for intuition which can make them detached from the physical moment. Also, a fair amount of people are close to the middle, aka they actually are ambiverts.

          I am INxP (lean towards T) and dated an ESFP. He was VERY talkative and extremely extroverted. Certainly he was charming and personable, and he seemed to find me very fascinating. He was not self-absorbed, andneither am I (being an attentive audience, er, listener).  But he talked from the moment his eyes opened in the morning to the second his head hit the pillow at night. He exhausted me. I need quiet and solitude at times. I also enjoy silent moments with someone and being in the same room without having to talk/interact. I do  enjoy stimulating conversation and am actually not a homebody, but I need a balance. Needless to say, we amicably parted ways

          I am markedly introverted and will do better with someone who is also introverted or less of an extreme extrovert. I also once dated an introvert seriously before (INFJ), and it ended for unrelated reasons, but we were more compatible as far as social energy and quantity of interaction goes. We could spend every waking minute around each other for days and be fine because we wouldn’t necessarily be talking/interacting. When we needed time to ourselves, no one felt hurt or ignored. But I have met more balanced extroverts and believe it could work with one.

  2. 2

    Hey Evan,

    Loved this podcast. Very sensible advice on finding a person who is going to be a match for you. Though introvert-extravert pairings can be great it’s really about how do you deal w your differences and whether they become dealbreakers. I am an introvert married to a semi extravert w a big family and it’s a challenge sometimes to accomodate everyone visiting but he loves it and me I need it in smaller quantities. Good choice on the music for your podcast too. 🙂

  3. 4

    Another issue may be that introverts are more intuitive and, on a first date, they immediately judge whether they are compatible with someone or not. If they’ve decided that the connection is not there, they make no effort after the greeting. I am a total introvert and that was my experience. I had 7 first dates where there was no desire on either side to get together again (no dislike, just not compatible), and my 8th date was with my current boyfriend of a year. From what I’ve read, most people have some second dates, so I think my personality played a role…also, I’m not at all shy, I just can’t take too much interaction.

  4. 5

    I hope so, since I’m a complete extrovert and my boyfriend is on the introverted side.

  5. 6

    Great podcast! I’m a shy introvert who is dating an extrovert, and I think that just being honest with each other about what we need has made all of the difference. You are right that introverts need time to sort out how we are feeling, and I just remind my bf that I’m processing and will talk when I’ve had a chance to sit with my emotions. I like hanging out with mutual friends with him in small groups, so we do that a lot. I have a hard time at parties with people that I don’t know, so those take a Herculean effort for me and I let my bf know that I won’t want to stay forever. There are times when he goes out with other friends, and that is fine by me. He is happy to spend nights in with me watching Netflix or something too. I think that in any relationship you have to look at the entire package of a person and decide if you can accept him/her, and my bf and I have done that. I do wonder sometimes what it would be like to date an introvert, but I love my energetic, social man.

    I get what you’re saying about how dating can be tough for introverts, though I feel that introverts can do well having a meaningful one on one conversation. It can be difficult to convey interest as an introvert, and I know that for me I had to make a special effort to show my bf that I liked him. One strength of being an introvert is that I know myself well, so I can tell right away when I click with someone. Being mysterious as you said can make it difficult for others to get to know me, but I also think that it’s natural in dating to let someone get to know you a little bit at a time.   I’m also a great listener, which extroverts really appreciate.

  6. 7

    I like the new definition   of introverts. I know I am introverted but I need people as much as anybody. Just in shorter doses, that’s true. I get lonely if I am alone too much   just like everybody else. Introverts also filter their thoughts whereas extroverts tend to say  whatever comes through their heads. That’s why extroverts  sometimes  talk too much and dominate conversations.

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