Love U is a six-month curriculum that teaches you how to understand men and find love. In today’s Love U Podcast, I’m going to teach you one simple idea about 3 ways your relationship can go.
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Tired of guys who ghost? Sick of men who start off strong and then do the slow fade? Confused by the men who text you but, never initiate a date? I hear you.
Stick with me for the next few minutes. I’m going to show you what it looks like when you have a potential boyfriend on your hands. And when exactly you should cut bait.
My name is Evan Marc Katz, Dating Coach for Smart, Strong, Successful Women, and your personal trainer for love. Welcome to the Love U podcast. Stay to the end of this video to learn the three ways your relationship can go so that you no longer waste time on the wrong man. When we’re done, I’ll let you know how you can apply to Love U to create a passionate relationship that makes you feel safe, heard, and understood.
In Love U week nine, there’s a section on dating. And in that section, I talk about two very common ways that men get into relationships. And I’m sure you’ve experienced it before. There is the guy from the first date where you are like, “Oh my God, you’re the one. I don’t see anybody else. Let’s take down our profiles. Let’s give this a shot.” And either you’re like, OK, because you like him too, or you’re like, “whoa there tiger.” And then you pull away. So that’s one way. Diving into the pool and hoping there’s water in it.
The other way, the one that I recommend becomes increasingly common as you get older and a little wiser, is than you go a little bit slow. You kick the tires a little bit before you embark on a relationship. And then there’s a ramp-up process. We see it from the beginning. The guy at the beginning doesn’t know he wants you to be his girlfriend, much less his wife. All he knows is that he finds you physically attractive. He is trying to get some action, maybe get to know you a little bit better. So he starts off with occasional texts, schedules a date, follows up after the date a few days later. At the beginning, it’s not always intense because you’ve got other options. He’s got other options. Everybody’s busy. He has nothing invested in you. You can’t expect every guy to fall for you head over heels right away. But then when the relationships good, when there’s something there, you’ll see his efforts intensify. Now, he’ll text you every day. Now he’ll follow up after a date the next morning, “when can I see you again?” Maybe you’ll spend the night with him and he’ll make you breakfast the next day. And it is a sort of snowball effect. And over time and here comes the hand gesture, that relationship that starts off a little bit flat because he doesn’t know you, he starts to get attached. He starts to get excited. And it goes up and it escalates to the point that five to six weeks in, you’ve got yourself a boyfriend. You’re sexually exclusive. You’re talking about the possibility of a future and now you’ve got yourself a boyfriend. That’s the path that we want to be on. And it happens generally around the month.
Look at your past, it usually doesn’t take that long. I don’t know too many stories of a woman who texted a guy for six months who suddenly decided he was in love with her.
And that’s the other two ways your relationship can go. People tend to ignore it because it’s inconvenient when you really like a guy. I like to call this the flatline. My hand’s going right across the middle of the screen here. Flatline. That’s a guy who you meet online. He’s texting you and he’s texting you. And maybe he takes you out once a week and maybe he does that pretty consistently. He follows up with you. But it’s not intense. There’s no real emotional commitment. It’s a little bit surfacy. You have fun together, maybe you even sleep with him because your boundaries aren’t that strong. And I don’t judge you, but you’ve got a once a week guy, occasional texting, once a week dating. And that just keeps going and going. Flatline. And now you’re doing it for three months. Four months. I’m seeing this guy. Where’s this relationship going, Evan? It’s not going anywhere because if you wanted to be your boyfriend, he’d already be your boyfriend. Men want to take you off the market. They want to commit to you. You don’t have to put a gun to their head. The fact that he’s doing the once a week thing indicates that that’s all he wants from you. Maybe that’s all he has to give. Maybe he’s keeping his options open. Maybe he’s dating other people. Maybe he’s too busy. But this is all you got. You’ve got a flatline in your relationship.
And then another way is the downslope, pointing my hand downwards right now. It starts off really hot and heavy. He’s super excited about you. And then maybe he’s not. Maybe he finds someone else. Maybe he gets busy. Maybe you’re his back burner safety school. We don’t know. The texts drop off. The dates drop off. What was calling you every day and seeing you three nights a week turns into like drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. And you’re wondering what can I do, what can I do to make him call me? What can I do to make him pay attention to me? Commit to me. You can’t. No more than a guy could make you do anything against your will.
I want you to pay attention to the energy and pay attention to these simple hand gestures.
So I want you to pay attention to the energy and pay attention to these simple hand gestures. If you’re flatlining your relationships and you’re there after six weeks, your relationship is going nowhere. If you’re on the downslope and it’s starting to fade, your relationship is going nowhere. The only thing that’s worth your time is the relationship that is inching up and getting more intimate. The snowball effect to the point where now we may have something real here that’s worth both of us taking down our profiles, being exclusive, sleeping with each other, and exploring together.
Don’t accept anything less.
My name is Evan Marc Katz.
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Thank you so much.
I’ll talk to you soon.