This blog post elicited a fair amount of heat, and it covered a topic I dealt with recently in my free newsletter: the value of chasing white hot chemistry with a person whose looks are a “10″.
Now, before we get into that in great detail, I want to state 3 important disclaimers:
First, not every person who is a “10″ is damaged goods.
Second, not everyone agrees on what a “10″ is.
Third, people can be judged on things other than looks.
If a man or a woman is a 10, who is he/she going to most likely going to want to date? That’s right, another 10.
I say this, because these are the things that people invoke when discussing this – and it’s not like I’m not aware of them. However, the exception doesn’t disprove the rule.
“Rules” are rarely my opinions – more often, they are observations about how the world works. Women lie about their age. Men will not call after having sex. Smart, successful women will struggle to find equal partners.
I observe this frustrating reality and point out why it happens and what, if anything, you can do to counteract it. While I’m an emotional guy, my advice is based on logic and evidence. Generally, if you’re disagreeing with me, it’s because something I said hit you emotionally and rubs you the wrong way. That’s fair. It doesn’t negate the fact that my observations are just that – observations.
If I am to observe that a disproportionate number of “10′s” are: shallow, narcissistic, selfish, demanding, difficult, more likely to flirt, less likely to commit, and somewhat disconnected from the ‘average’ person’s reality, you might say, “Maybe…but I know this one girl who is gorgeous and sweet”. And you’d be right. It still doesn’t change that most 10′s are problematic partners.
So when I write “Stop chasing 10′s, marry the 7′s,” and my good friend Lance writes this reply:
Most hot girls are crazy, that’s for sure, but I wouldn’t advise anyone to date a 7. I say go for the 10 that’s awesome on the inside, too. They’re out there, you just have to look around and be the man that’s worthy enough to get with that gal. If you fall short, look in the mirror, and make the changes that make you attractive enough to land a 10/10.
Well, I’ve gotta disagree – vehemently – on a number of levels.
1) If a man or a woman is a 10, who is he/she going to most likely going to want to date? That’s right, another 10. Most men, in particular, don’t date “down”; they all want to date “up”.
2) If, as Lance says, you hold out for the 10′s…and every other woman holds out for the 10′s…but the male 10′s want the female 10′s…doesn’t that mean that pretty much every woman ends up not finding a partner? It’s like saying that everyone should hold out for a $500,000 salary because that’s what you’re WORTH. Well, if there’s only a few thousand of those jobs out there, there’s going to be a LOT of unemployment. That is, unless someone compromises – and finds a lower paying job (a 7) that has much better benefits and quality of life.
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