My Boyfriend Is Staring At and Flirting With Other Women!

My Boyfriend Is Staring At and Flirting With Other Women

I’m dating this man, who on many, many counts is really wonderful. He’s a very intelligent man, classy, generous, loving and not a womanizer. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, and sexy, etc., and how lucky he is to have found me. He says almost every day that he wants to marry me, and how he misses me terribly when we are apart. That’s all wonderful to hear! I feel the same way about him.

The problem is, that whenever we go out, he looks at other women. Not just the average-guy looking. He’s staring at them. He gets so caught up in it, even while holding my hand and walking past shops, he’ll head into one, if he sees someone attractive inside. He’ll sit with me at restaurants and look. He’s even go so far as to look behind me to see someone again, and has looked long enough many times to make eye-contact. Seems to try to make eye contact, too.

He’s a very sociable guy. Says hello to most people (men and women). But he does have a shy side and is uncomfortable in large groups where he knows no one. He is also extremely clever with humor, and easily silly and good with the come-backs that are hysterically funny.

But it’s these long-looks, or just about forgetting that I’m there right next to him, that are really bothering me. I’m not enjoying this. It’s starting to ruin the relationship for me. It makes me question his feelings for me, and his comments that I’m so beautiful, and here he’s looking at all these other women.

I know he’s proud of how I look. He’s told me many times that he feels that men are envious around him of me. I do get looked at often by men, but I don’t make eye contact like he does. I think that it’s rude to my partner, although I am tempted to show him how it feels! But I don’t want to play games. That is not my style.

I’ve only once made a comment about what he was looking at recently. I couched it in a joking form, to make the comment, but let him know that I’ve noticed his staring. He got immediately defensive. I didn’t ask him why, just said something to the effect of: “oh, it’s the beer in her hand you were looking at?!” He bristled. I could feel his shock at my comment. He was completely silent and had no response. He must have stared at this woman for 10 minutes before he said he wanted a beer. Other than that, he seems oblivious to his behavior.

How do I let him know I’m insulted that he does this so consistently?

How do I avoid an argument that will be simply denial on his part, and be productive to let him know this really bothers me, that he goes out of his way to look/stare? How do I let him know that I don’t trust his words, then, that he thinks I’m beautiful, etc., if he’s got to look at every woman we pass by?

It’s made me not want to go places with him anymore.

I look forward to your response!

Thank you,

Karen

I appreciate all the details you provided, Karen, because they paint a fully-fleshed out picture of your relationship. It would easy to demonize your boyfriend as evil, but you bother to mention that he is sociable, that he praises your beauty, and that he wants to marry you.

Which is why his over-the-top leering is so highly inappropriate….

Listen, if anybody in the world would be expected to defend an inappropriate flirt, it’s me. I’ve toed the line for so many years that I don’t even know where the line is anymore. That said, let’s first assume a few things:

Number 1, let’s assume that everything you said about your guy is true. He really does love you, he really does find you attractive, he really does see a future. This establishes conclusion Number 2 – namely, that if a man loves you, he doesn’t want to hurt you. Sure, people hurt each other all the time, but in healthy relationships, the hurt generally comes from an unintentional place.

As always, I speak from experience. I had an ex who didn’t like my flirting. Except she saw flirting at times I wasn’t even flirting. I could be handing 84 cents to a 17-year-old checkout girl at a grocery store in Florida , or trying to coerce a 51-year-old woman bartender into pouring me a stiffer drink, but no matter what semi-attractive female I talked to, I got a mouthful afterwards. This was paranoia to the extreme. And it was counterintuitive and counterproductive.

Counterproductive in that yelling at me to change didn’t really make me want to change. Counterintuitive in that she was trying to stifle the same charm she initially fell for. Talking to strangers isn’t a habit – it’s a personality trait – one that doesn’t go away upon request. And to be clear, I’m an equal opportunity talker. I spent a half hour talking to a very attractive man in her presence at an art gallery, but didn’t get chewed out for it. No, my crime was in talking to someone that my girlfriend felt was threatening – even though the threat was all in her head.

Talking to strangers isn’t a habit-it’s a personality trait- one that doesn’t go away upon request.

So in case you’re a woman reading this and you’re trying to change his personality, save yourself the trouble and just dump him. Ultimately, this is what my girlfriend did – for the betterment of both of us.

Let’s also distinguish the difference between flirting with intention and flirting without intention.

Flirting with intention is when you have a stranger on your lap at a party and you ask for a phone number.

Flirting without intention is when you smile and ask for your waitress’ name. One is inappropriate, the other is benign….

If YOU’RE insecure about being cheated on, you’ll find the waitress thing problematic. If you’re not insecure, there’s no reason to be bothered. This is YOUR issue, not his. Same goes for men who freak out when other guys check out their sexy girlfriends. If you fell for her because she’s sexy, you don’t suddenly tell her to dress like a nun out of your own insecurity. That’s hypocritical and it’s no wonder that creates unnecessary tensions in the relationship.

To bring this back to you, Karen, it sounds to me like you have a good guy on your hands who has a big blind spot. He’s more oblivious than malicious. Which doesn’t mean he’s off the hook. By calling him out, you embarrassed him in a passive-aggressive way. Yes, he deserved it, but there IS a better way of handling it….

Namely, you need to have an emotionless heart-to-heart with him. Don’t bite his head off the next time he does it. “The way you leer at other women is disgusting!” Instead, find a time when everything’s humming along and say, “I’ve been thinking…” Now you have his attention.

Before you go for the kill, let him know that you love him and that 95% of the time he makes you feel special. It’s just that this small percentage of the time, he might not even realize that he stares at other women. And it’s not that you don’t think he has the right to peek or find others attractive, it’s that when his gaze lingers, HE MAKES YOU FEEL HURT. Believe me, no man wants to be responsible for making a woman feel hurt.

Believe me, no man wants to be responsible for making a woman feel hurt.

He’ll be defensive, but he’ll listen. And although he’ll keep looking for years to come – his behavior is long-ingrained – he’ll at least be more aware of himself and respectful of you.

It’s ironic that you should have to appeal to his gentlemanly side when he’s being such a lech, but it’s true. Let him know that you feel hurt and he will do everything in his power to stop hurting you.

And if you find that you can’t put up with his disrespectful behavior – and you have every right to feel that way – you know what you need to do.

Good luck.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    christine

    i dated a guy that flirted with waitresses and we got better service. i liked the attention we got. i liked that other women wanted him but he wanted to marry me. :)

  2. 2
    Damie

    You could do the same back and have him see from personal experience what it feels like. My boyfriend makes comments on occasion about actresses or people on TV, but as soon as I do the same back about some hot guy he change his tune completely, and all of a sudden it’s all about us again, like it should be. Maybe I’m naive but I believe you should be the most important most beautiful person to him, and you should feel the same way back. If not, something’s not quite right.

  3. 3
    Bev

    I’ll tell ya what you do!! You dump him yesterday!! He’s a womanizer and with that goes alot of other stuff you would find out toooo late. Please don’t do this to yourself.

  4. 4
    Marc

    The occasional glance, or harmless flirtation with a waitress to get better service is nothing to worry about, but if he’s following women into stores, it may be time to trade up.

  5. 5
    Kat Wilder

    There’s a huge difference between looking and appreciating another’s beauty, and staring in a lecherous way. Many times, women confuse what’s innocent looking and what’s not, and that speaks to an insecurity.

    The big test for me is how he reacts when you say something about it. If you can say to him, “She’s got a nice outfit on” or “She has a nice smile,” etc. and then you can talk about the object of his visual affection, then that opens up a doorway to communicate (including, “I sometimes feel uncomfortable when you look at other women…”)

    But if he gets on the defensive (and you’ve mentioned it to him in a nonjudgmental or passive-aggressive way), then that’s a sign that something is amiss, not only with his looking but probably something much bigger. I’d really want to check into that before I got much further into the relationship.

  6. 6
    Selena

    He’s walking with his girlfriend and walks into stores where he spots an attractive woman through the window? I find that very weird, kinda creepy even. Add to that, the one time his gf jokingly points out his gazing–he gets defensive and won’t say anything? I’ll bet his behavior has been pointed out to him before by previous girls he has dated.

    I think Evan’s advice is good, but I’d still be very leery of a guy who leers as much as this one. Something about it just seems off.

  7. 7
    downtowngal

    Evan you’re totally off the mark – this guy’s being disrespectful and rude. And you shouldn’t compare your own experiences to your readers; this woman doesn’t sound as if she’s being overly paranoid or has jealously issues. If anything she’s been grappling with it for some time.

    There’s a difference between the occasional check-out and going out of your way to stare at other women while you’re with your girlfriend. She even brough it up to him in a nice way and he got defensive. This also doesn’t sound like the night you’re staying in watching movies and telling each other which movie star you think is hot. And he’s not being nice/flirty with other woman – he’s going out of his way to check them out.

    In my experience when a guy is interested he wouldn’t do this unless he’s immature or has intimacy issues. I’ve faced this issue before and lots of guys have told me that – esp once you get passed a certain age – they know that ogling other woman is a big no-no if you respect the woman you’re with.

    What he’s doing is unacceptable if it makes you feel badly. Try bringing it up again – if he loves you he’l listen. If not that’s a bigger red flag than the ogling.

  8. 8
    mrs. vee

    Aww, Evan, you poor baby… having to deal with someone else’s distorted version of the truth! It sounds to me like you’re still really pissed off about that horrible ex of yours. She must have been a humorless, unlovable birdbrain who’s wallowing in a pile of lonely misery right about now.

    Karen, this is a slippery, slippery slope you’re on here. To have a man tell you he loves and wants to marry you is a seductive experience. But then to have him turn around and so openly forget himself and your feelings and, seemingly, set aside his regard for you must hurt you deeply.

    When you’re the girl who objects to her mates’ “interest” in other ladies, it’s very easy for the guy to put it on you and call you paranoid.

    In these situations, you can drive yourself crazy looking for “proof” that something is wrong. That’s no fun when you’re supposed to be in love and enjoying each other.

    So before you go down that road, ask yourself a couple key questions that help take the guesswork out of the whole issue:

    First, are you generally a jealous person? i.e. do you often find yourself in relationships with men who bring this reaction out of you? If not, then it most likely IS him and not just in your head.

    Even more important than my first question, if he weren’t so into you, would you be so into him? In other words, do you really want to struggle to make it work because you respect and admire this man who gets pulled by an invisible tractor beam towards other women? Can you love a guy who is so motivated to feel attractive to females that he apparently loses self-control?

    If you don’t really care that strongly for him, or, rather, if the strongest feeling you have for him is only indignation, then he’s not worth the hassle. Believe me, it will be a tremendous pain in the ass to try to train that reflex out of him. And I doubt it’ll work, like Evan says.

    Chances are, he probably never will give you the satisfaction of recognizing his inappropriateness anyway and simply remember you as jealous and paranoid.

  9. 9
    Evan Marc Katz

    As always, I would encourage my favorite readers/posters to consider the totality of the post.

    I did NOT give this guy a free pass. I said that his behavior was highly inappropriate. Where my female readers and I part ways is that I actually think that the guy has no idea how he’s coming across.

    And that instead of throwing out the baby with the bathwater and dumping him, she should try to notify him that he’s unintentionally hurting her.

    A starry-eyed gazer isn’t necessarily a lech and a lech isn’t necessarily a womanizer. Although there is definitely a correlation and a slippery slope from lustful looks to infidelity.

    But if the guy has exhibited no other signs of poor behavior, he deserves the chance to attempt to reform it – upon which the woman can decide for herself if she can live with his level of inappropriate flirtation.

  10. 10
    Markus

    Hi. My name is Mark. I’m a 38 year old divorced father of 2. I like to appreciate the beauty of the human form, actually all natural physical beauty. Although I’m completely straight I will even mention if a man is unusually attractive. All that said, if I could find “the one” I would make damn sure that I never “over-looked”.

  11. 11
    Gigi

    I think a lot of people muddy the waters by contrasting ogling with cheating. Ogling always gets dismissed by some excuse like: “Well, he may be an ogler, but at least he’d never cheat.”

    Ogling by itself, can be hugely inappropriate. My father never once cheated on my mother in their 50+ years of marriage. But he wouldn’t hesitate to blatantly turn his chair in a restaurant so he could stare at a woman he found attractive.

    I spent years watching my mother suffer in embarrassed silence while my father swanned around fancying himself a real ladies man, calling waitresses “honey” and stewardesses “dollface”.

    He used the same arguments that Evan uses too. He’d complain that my mother was trying to stifle the side of him that she fell in love with. She once confided to me that there was nothing about that side of him she loved at all. She tolerated that he was a schmooze and self-promoting fake in public, and it was his tender, private side when they were alone that she loved.

    I love my dad, but it makes me very angry to think of how he treated my mother all those years. And for the record, she did tell him that his behavior hurt her, and he just couldn’t stop himself from flirting and making eyes at other women.

    So, Karen, just because your man isn’t a a “womanizer” does not make it OK for him to be the way he is.

  12. 12
    Shealagh

    Evan said: “Instead, find a time when everything’s humming along and say, “I’ve been thinking… Now you have his attention. “…

    And that’s when men accuse us women of bringing up their past mistakes out of the blue.

    Karen, I’m sorry, but I just don’t think there is a non-threatening or neutral way to bring his flirting/staring up to him. I don’t know of a single real-world scenario where a girl told her boyfriend that his wandering eye was hurting her feelings and he calmly accepted her statements and stopped doing what he was doing.

    Personally, I don’t think a girl should have to have this conversation with a guy. Any more than a girl should have to ask her boyfriend to not make those farting noises with his armpit at the dinner table. If he’s behaving that way… if he has to be told…then he’s not ready for a serious relationship. Sounds like your boyfriend has a long way to go.

    Like you said, he entertains himself by forcing eye contact with women. Really? The last guy who did tried that with me was a 16-year old gangbanger. The question you have to ask yourself is whether or not you want to be there to watch this guy acquire some maturity.

    I don’t think anyone here would fault you if you just excused yourself from the relationship as drama-free as possible – without making an issue of his staring – by saying you don’t think it’s a good fit.

    1. 12.1
      nancy

      I agree with you I have been with a man that did that and it started to make me have low self worth, and feel ugly about my self,to the point of crying myself to sleep,and staying away from him so it won’t hurt.

  13. 13
    downtowngal

    Whether intended or not – and I know most guys have no idea what they’re doing when they stare at other women – she needs to get across to him somehow that what he’s doing hurts her. And he can’t be defensive about it.

    A friend of mine went through this with her husband when they first started dating. He was a bit younger than she, but when he realized how much it hurt her he made a concious effort to stop.

    There is no reason why anybody should settle for anything less than total respect in a relationship.

  14. 14
    Steve


    Selena

    He’s walking with his girlfriend and walks into stores where he spots an attractive woman through the window? I find that very weird, kinda creepy even. Add to that, the one time his gf jokingly points out his gazing, he gets defensive and won’t say anything? I’ll bet his behavior has been pointed out to him before by previous girls he has dated.

    I concur completely with Selena.

    In regards to the defensiveness being a sign old dates have brought up the issue before, I have seen this pattern recently for myself. A friend of mine is living with a guy who is a tremendous slob. We aren’t talking about socks on the floor, but Oscar Madison leauge stuff. When she talked to him about it he got very defensive and later indicated that previous girlfriends had brought it up with him. He still hasn’t changed.

    I’m with Evan on this, give him one good chance with one non-threatening conversation about it. If he doesn’t change, move on.

  15. 15
    christine

    hi mark,

    where do you live? i’m in the chicago area.

    christine

  16. 16
    Jen from NYC

    I used to believe that my boyfriend should ONLY lust after me and yeah, look at other girls, but not be turned on by other girls. Yeah, that was so five years ago. As I have grown older, more mature and way more confident with myself, I have come to accept that it would be completely rediculous and unrealistic of me to think my man would not check out other women. Oh, and that my man would not sometimes comment on other women. It is normal, human, and animalisitc. In fact, if he didn’t sometimes say the stupid coments he says about other girls (i.e. she has big boobs or she is pretty) than I would worry. I dated a guy who used to tell me the men we saw in Nordstroms men department were good looking…..yeah that relationship did not work out!

    Okay, so where does this all leave Karen? Well Karen, I guess the question is, if you have addressed this like Evan wrote, in a non-judgemental and calm manner, and he continues to practice the same behavior that you find hurtful, than it is time to re-evaluate and perhaps find a guy who tells you are beautiful and marriage material and ALSO respects your wishes. As a social worker and someone who has a lot of experience in speaking with people, even people who are close to me, about sensative topics, it really does work best when you do not attack the person, but rather express your feelings in a rational, calm tone. No one really responds well to being yelled at or criticized. People shut down and stop listening when they are attacked. (Not that I am accusing you of attacking your man.)

    Personally, I would so not be okay with my man physically taking me into a store, restaurant, etc to just “check out” how hot a girl is. That crosses the line. I mean,okay lets say you both spot Catherine Zeta Jones. I would run into the restaurant and stare too as she is my woman crush. If he did it once and thought it was funny, than okay. But repeatidly while holding your hand is just bizarre and I 100% think he is aware of what he is doing. In fact, if he is constantly telling you how sexy and beautiful you are….is that out of guilt and making up for his inappropriate behavior? I get mad at my boyfriend sometimes for not telling me enough that I am pretty, sexy, etc, but I think if i heard it all the time, I would feel it was so disengenous. You know? Actions speak volumes over words!!!!

    Lastly, and sorry for the novel, but no one known your man like you do. What do your instincts tell you? As a woman, you have the gd given gift of listening to your gut if you chose to pay attention. Let me end by saying (and please all situations are different I know) that I dated this guy who told me constantly how great I was, how I was his soul mate, how pretty I was, and that I was going to be his wife….but he also told me all the time how pretty his sister was, and I would could I not be more like her, and did things that consitently hurt me. Okay, so he told me all the right stuff in order to convince me I was the “one”, but not one of his actions as a boyfriend showed me or made me feel I was the one. I dumped him. It hurt like hell and I was upset for months, but in the end, I found a guy who yeah, looks at other girls (most guys do) but is overall very respectful about it, we can laugh about it, and shows me on a daily basis (and tells me at just the right time) that I am one of the most important people in his life. That is why I go to sleep at night knowing my man loves me, but can check out other girls repsectfully, and I never have to wonder.

    Jen :)

  17. 17
    mrs. vee

    Karen –

    Overly flirtatious men like your boyfriend or Gigi’s father are deeply insecure. They’re the male counterparts of those bimbo women who go out in too much makeup and not enough clothing to get noticed. At the end of the day, they just want the attention. They want constant reassurance that they’re likable and desirable, because they can’t generate that sense of self-confidence from within.

    Ironically, most flirtatious men consider themselves confident because they’re willing to do what it takes to get the kind of attention they want. But ultimately, what’s more genuinely sexy/confident? the strong silent type who already knows his self-worth? or the self-ingratiating guy who gets in your face and insists you find him endearing?

    To me, it’s a no brainer.

    So I ‘m not surprised that you’re getting an ick reaction to your boyfriend’s behavior. He’s wearing his insecurity on his sleeve.

    Good luck!

  18. 18
    Jen from NYC

    Just a side note, I check out other guys too. We are human. Just because you love someone and commit yourself to one person, does not mean you can turn off the natural instinct to find others attractive. I work in a hospital with a lot of hot doctors, but I am not intentionally following them down the halls to talk to them or staring at them. I flirt, we all flirt but that is where it stops!

    Jen

    1. 18.1
      verymary

      I agree with mrs. vee.  I am dating a guy who is super social  and uses this tactic to flirt with other women.  It makes him look bad and it makes me look like a fool.  When I ask him about it in a nice way, he gets defensive and says that I am jealous of everyone.  I guess he thinks the best defense is a good offense but he is hurting and losing an amazing women.. me.  I have more respect for myself than that. 

  19. 19
    ursula

    We’re all human. We all look. This has nothing to do with the fact that he may find other women attractive. Most contributors to this thread acknowledge that it’s not the fact he’s attracted to other women that’s a problem.

    The issue here is the odd, creepy behavior the guy’s exhibiting, and the underlying immaturity/insecurity that causes him to act the way he does.

    Even if he stops his visible behavior upon request, I’d still worry about what’s left in his psyche.

  20. 20
    Markus

    Christine, I’m near Philly.

  21. 21
    lorelei

    Evan, pardon me for saying, but your experience with your ex- who accused you of flirting where you weren’t has nothing to with Karen and her weirdo boyfriend. You seem to be presenting your defense arguments in a fight you’re still having with her in your head. Let it go, my friend, if just for your own peace of mind.

    Karen, believe it or not, I’m still going to agree with Evan on the one-warning course of action. Talk to your bf about it just once. It’s the fair thing to do. Even if he may not be a grown-up in the way he reacts to the topic, at least you can remember that you were big about it.

  22. 22
    Evan Marc Katz

    Hey Lorelei,

    Before your comment appeared, I wrote you an email about it – except the email bounced back. So before you go off on a rant on another site, why don’t you give me your real email address so I can address you in an adult fashion?

    For what it’s worth, I can take constructive criticism on my own website – look around, there’s plenty of dissenting opinion.

    What I won’t take, however, is a meanspirited diatribe. And your original comments indicate that you might not be interested in playing nice. If that’s the case, I respect your decision to go to another blog where the host lets his readers insult him vociferously. Not in my house. Disagree all you want, but don’t make it personal. You crossed the line.

  23. 23
    Jen From NYC

    OMG Evan do I have to insult you to get a comment back from my commentary? Just kidding. I think this blog is a great space for readers to express their oppinions. I am so confused, how is this about Evan? If you cannot relate personal experiences to a bloggers question, than how can you possible dispense advice? Right? Please, I tell my personal dating stories all of the time but it is not because I am not over it, or still debating it in my head. We live and learn and teach others by sharing. Letting go is the easy part, it is erasing some of the scary-ass memories we create with people we date that is the hard part!

    Jen

  24. 24
    lorelei

    I apologize if my comments that you omitted seemed more insulting than irreverent. I was going for funny, not mean, which is why I’d included the little winky emoticon that also got deleted with the passage.

    However, my censored comments simply pointed out that you spent six paragraphs on jealousy and paranoia, which had nothing to do with Karen’s specific plight. That simply indicated to me that you view this blog as a platform to personally vent (at whom, I don’t know) as much as one to enlighten your readers. I didn’t attack your character.

    I enjoy the complexity of the topics you discuss and the challenging, provocative way in which you write about them, which is why I was disappointed in your choice to stifle my own sassy form of expression.

    I can assure you the e-mail address I provided is a valid one and welcome your thoughts. And I ask you to reconsider posting my original comments for your esteemed readers to judge for themselves.

  25. 25
    sheseizereason

    Whoa. I have no idea what Lorelei could have possibly written to spark this feud happening before our eyes, but can’t we all just get along please? I read Evan’s post closely and, yes, it appears that Evan committed the “grave” sin of veering off onto a long tangential tirade against his ex-girlfriend. (I’d say everything from “Talking to strangers…” to “…This is YOUR issue, not his…” did come off like he was still mentally quarreling with/lecturing the ex, as all that stuff clearly didn’t pertain to Karen.) But so what? I still craft arguments in my head with people I haven’t spoken to in years. I think that’s a fairly common and human thing.

    Yes, he’s still mad at his ex. Yes, he took the opportunity to continue making his points as though she’s somewhere out there in the audience. But big deal. It’s HIS blog, which makes it HIS prerogative to vent, and he’s well within his jurisdiction.

  26. 26
    jerseygirl

    The whole point of this is whether Karen is justified in feeling that her boyfriend is being disrespectful towards her and what she should do about it. Evan was trying to relate by bringing up an incident with an ex girlfriend who had a jealousy streak. Honestly, Evan, what this has to do with Karen’s issue I don’t know, but I’ve noticed this pattern with some advice you’ve given on other topics. Perhaps what you’re saying is that this is what many guys believe, whether we gals like it or not. If that’s the case I’m joining a convent because there must be no hope I’ll ever find a guy who will respet me for me. At that rate the human race will die out.

  27. 27
    Lyn

    It sounds to me like your guy is oblivious of his attitude, but also indulges in staring at other women. If he does it, is because it is pleasurefull for him to do so, yet he is oblivious that doing so hurts you. Maybe he thinks it doesnt bother or hurt you since — he already thinks you are beautifull, and obviously admires you above all others — enough to choose you. Maybe he thinks you have nothing to worry about in regards to “competition” so he allows himself to do this in public. Nonetheless, the physical action of staring for 10 minutes, and dragging you into the store where the other beautifull girl is at — is shameless, and rude. It also shows he is oblivious of your feelings, and I find it very egocentric. I think you should talk to him, in a non-threatning manner, and see where it leads you. Ideally, he will stop staring and going out of his way to stare at other women, because his greated indulgence would be to respect you. If he doesn’t, you shouldn’t put up with it. There are a lot of intelligent, witty, silly, smart, handsome men out there, that have probably seen what he does when you guys are together, and probably thought to themselves “damn, if i was him, i would never do that.” Your guy needs to get a grip.

  28. 28
    Markus

    You guys are seriously missing EMK’s point. Let’s sum up. He told the girl to have a level-headed discussion with the guy and if he doesn’t comply, drop the axe. Everything else is window dressing.

  29. 29
    Steve

    Evan;

    Aside from the better content, I read blogs to get away from the incivility that seems rampant in types of internet fora. I enjoy the comments on your blog almost as much as your essays. Thanks for drawing a line about being insulting to people ( in this case you ) in your comment section.

  30. 30
    mrs. vee

    As is usually the case with all jealousy tales in relationships , it comes down to perceptions and compatibility.

    Evan, would you know if your ex was jealous with all her boyfriends? Or just you?

    It could’ve been some friction between your personalities that didn’t allow her to trust YOU in particular.

    Case may be the same for Karen.

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