(Video) How Loving Men Can Make Men Love You In Return
This is technically a video for men, but it’s SO relevant for my women readers.
It's an interview with my friend, Allana Pratt. I watched every second of this. You should too. When you’re done, I want you to consider how much men and women are truly alike – and how our insecurities are the SAME.
Allana and I had lunch last month and she is one of the only women coaches I know that have classic masculine energy (intelligence and drive), but a remarkable feminine energy that brings out the best in men.
Consider how much men and women are truly alike – and how our insecurities are the SAME.
To be fair, Allana speaks with emotion more than logic. She will tell you to breathe from your vagina and things like that. :) But I’ll tell you this:
1. She is the hands-down sexiest woman I know. (and yes, my wife is aware of Allana – we’ve had her over in the pool with her son). When I’m with her, I want to do things for her. That's feminine power at its finest.
2. She listens to men’s complaints about women just as I listen to women’s complaints about men. And literally every thing that you feel about men, men feel about you as well. Confused, powerless, not enough, constantly under attack, etc. All you have to do is read the comment section to know this. Allana's energy as a coach makes these men feel good about themselves – like a magician for men. That’s why I think she’s special. I may know my stuff inside out like a lawyer, but I do not specialize in making women feel like queens, the way Allana makes men feel like kings.
Finally, at the end of the video, she says things that I wish I thought of on how to be a genuinely confident and feminine powerhouse. If you don't like men, don't trust men, don't believe in men, see the worst in men, it's hard to do well with men.
Allana TRULY loves men. And that's why she's worth your time and attention. I highly encourage you to take a half hour to watch and absorb.
When you're done, come back here and please, share your thoughts. Thanks, as always, for trusting my judgment and taking a chance on some new information.
Wow! Evan you are right, she seems Great!
Two quick comments:
First, Evan I have so much respect for you! No other relationship personality ever endorses (to my knowledge) other relationship personalities (competition) who could possibly take away some of their future potential clients from them. You have done this with authors, dating coaches, match makers, etc.
Secondly, Evan you are extremely honest, but I will admit that it does sometimes make me cringe. Not because of what you said, but because of the fact that you have so many antagonist that any small thing you say would be used against you. They focus on one inconsequential comment instead of the message.
The majority of your readers are men and women who have been hurt by the opposite sex, so hearing you as a man make comments like a normal mortal (Allana Pratt is the sexier than your wife) invites criticism.
Hurt women want to hear a good boyfriend/husband magically loses the ability to find other women attractive once in a relationship. Hurt men want to hear that women magically lose the ability to acknowledge that there exist a more attractive men, while he is courting her.
Evan you have been doing this longer than most of my adult life, so I will trust that you know what you are doing. Since you are posting videos now, I look forward to seeing one from you and Ms. Pratt.
Thanks. I don’t think about what I write in terms of how it will be received; I just write what I think. It’s simply easier to be honest than to live publicly with hundreds of white lies designed to make me look better or unimpeachable. If someone wants to distort my words, he or she will and there’s not much I can do about it. But I have the ace in the hole: I’m really confident, I’m really comfortable in my own skin, and I’m in a very happy marriage. So whatever anyone says doesn’t really register because it’s not true. Appreciate you noticing and appreciate your particpation here.
Excellent suggestion to watch that video. Very, very good. Thank you Evan.
I too thought it was excellent. She has an inspirational mixture of optimism, and realism. As you say she is a go getter that hasn’t lost any of her femininity. Moreover she is not a yet-another-beautiful 20+ year old , she is a vibrant mature woman, someone who has seen life and totally earned her attractiveness (can you tell that I am older??). I would beg to differ about her key bit of advice to women whose partners who look at other women a lot though (it smacked of insecurity although that was not her intention). That said the video is definitely worth seeing – and more than once.
Gold. I’ve been reading this blog for the better part of a year and it’s already made a huge difference to my life. But this is just next level. Kudos to you Evan for sharing and for being such a constant RATIONAL presence in my blogosphere!
I agree with you, Rachel. I enjoyed the video very much but did not agree with her about a boyfriend gawking at other women. It is, plain and simple, rude for a man to do that in front of his girlfriend. It is disrespectful. It’s even worse when he very obviously starts flirting with other women. Surely, he has a job and hobbies/interests that give him time to himself, away from his girlfriend. He can ogle/flirt with other women then. He doesn’t need to do it in front of her.
Emily I agree with what you and Rachel are saying in your perceived context, but Ms. Pratt was not speaking in that context. I’ve been youtubing her after reading Evan’s post and watching the video, so I think I have a “very basic”understanding of how she thinks.
Her whole approach to dating, being sexy, and keeping a partner is about confidence. Therefore, the way I interpreted her statement about looking at other women was in the context of a man glancing here or there, “NOT” in the context of a man ogling another woman in front of his girlfriend.
First, there is a difference between a man blatantly staring lustfully at another woman and a man who is trying to be subtle (though he is obviously not), when he checks out other women. Next it would depend on the frequency of his not so subtly looking at other women, such as two or three quick glances vs several fiercely sneaked looks. Finally, it depends on if you trust him. A man you know will not cheat that takes several intense glances is different from a man who you don’t trust, that keeps looking at other women.
The faithful guy who is subtly looking is the one Ms. Pratt (in my opinion) is speaking of. He loves you but sees something sexy in the other woman, so Ms. Pratt advises women to dress or act in a way to bring his attention back to you and reaffirm to him that he has everything he needs. NOT because she wants you to become someone else for a man, but because she wants you to show him that you can be/are every type of woman he could fantasize about… Confidence.
As a man, I assure you, that a woman willing to do this, will naturally cause me to: do everything I need to do in order to keep her; and secondly, if I did notice another hot woman, that will be all that I would do, notice her. In the post Is Modern Chivalry Dead, I talk about my personal theory as to why confidence is in some aspects more of an aphrodisiac than physical looks. We guys really do choose the confident but feminine woman (regardless of her looks) over the woman who is just “hot” more than women think we do.
You don’t think women look? Because we do. We are just SO much more capable of checking out a hot man subtly.
Ms. Pratt advising women to dress or act in a way to bring a man’s attention back to her seems to me to reveal a lack of confidence. I am not going to twist myself into a pretzel as some kind of entertainment to keep his attention. If I am not enough, he always has the option to leave.
Emily, I get the impression from your response that you did not take anything away from my “long” post except the fact that I disagreed with you.
I believe you did the same with the video (starting at 23:35). All you took away from her speech about a man looking was what you disagreed with and not the context in which she said it. For example in #5 you mention a man gawking and flirting with other women in front of his girlfriend, Ms Pratt NEVER said that.
Either way, if you choose to dump your faithful boyfriend who always tries to subtly check out a “certain type” of woman, that is your right. If you believe that a woman is insecure because she notices this and shows her man that everything he could possibly fantasy about is already next to him, you have that right as well.
“Life is too short to spend your precious time trying to convince a person who wants to live in gloom and doom otherwise. Give lifting that person your best shot, but don’t hang around long enough for his or her bad attitude to pull you down. Instead, surround yourself with optimistic people.”
– Zig Ziglar
“As a man, I assure you, that a woman willing to do this, will naturally cause me to: do everything I need to do in order to keep her; and secondly, if I did notice another hot woman, that will be all that I would do, notice her.”
Is this not a bit of a contradiction? Kind of like that song, “I will do anything for love, but I won’t do *that*.” You said you would do anything for this feminine model of female confidence and perfection *except* not stopping to look at and enjoy other women visually….so it appears that no, you would not do ‘anything’ to please this model of female perfection. Which is fine, but not very productive to make platitudes we don’t really mean as a means to get women to conform to behaviors that make your life more enjoyable but her life more miserable.
On top of that, it’s easy to love people who embody these perfect qualities of uber confidence. We don’t have to deal with any messy human emotions that way. So yeah, of course someone who is confidence is more attractive. But actual human beings in actual relationships are more complex then that.
AllHeart81,
I am curious? How did you get “You would do anything… *except* not stopping to look at and enjoy other women visually” from the word notice????
To not walk into walls, I notice they are there, I don’t have to stare. When I walk down a street, I notice other humans… so that I do not bump into them; not once did I say stare, leer, or drool over.
Could you please give me your definition of notice? Could you also tell me what do you do when you walk around? How do you navigate busy streets without bumping into others?
Whatever help you can offer will be appreciated.
Thank you (^_^).
Fair enough. If I am to become his fantasy, he must become mine. Better hit the gym because it’s Mark Wahlberg.
To my understanding, Neither Evan nor Ms. Pratt endorses a one sided relationship. The man must give as much or even more than the woman to win her over, prove his long-term worth to, and keep her. Evan’s advice is structured from the viewpoint that we cannot change others, so instead of wasting energy on a hopeless endeavor, we should use that energy to focus on changing/improving ourselves. Unfortunately this is often received by women as him being sexist toward the female gender and men see it as him just saying whatever it takes to gain female paying clients.
I believe Ms Pratt was making her statement with the same objective. So their advice (again this is only my opinion), is don’t focus on what he/she should be or is not doing in the relationship, but rather, on what I can do to make this relationship work. So even if the current relationship does fail, we will still become better partners for the next relationship with a person of higher quality. By not always focusing on what he or she should be doing for us, but on what we can do for the relationship, we become higher quality people, and Emily you always look for someone with high moral and character traits in a relationship right? Not negative, needy, or insecure people?
I completely agree with you that woman notice hot men when out with their boyfriends, and faithful women in happy relationships DO fantasize about other men. This does not make them wrong, evil, or cheaters, it just means they are human, though they are more subtle than men. I also agree with you that a good boyfriend will use self-control if he sees that his actions (openly ogling other women) are jeopardizing his relationship with a good woman. I only addressed the scenario from the male perspective, because that is how you and Rachel phrased your discontent… I mean, disagreement toward Ms. Pratt’s comment.
Emily, one last point concerning your discourse with me. I will not mention their names, but I was extremely weary of showing disagreement with another commenter on Evan’s site after the debacle in the Is Modern Chivalry Dead post over courting. Many of the disparagers did not care about hearing and understanding where the other side was coming from, they just wanted to force all to see that they were right! Even if I disagree with you, I still wish to understand why you feel that way. That is why we are all here right? To become better partners by understanding the opposite sex.
Thank You for confirming that adults can disagree and still be respectful toward each other.
Yes, I agree. That is why we are here. To learn to understand each other better.
I guess my point was that I understand a man will find other women attractive if he is in a relationship with me, as I will find other men attractive. I just don’t need to know about it. To me, that is a conversation he should have with his friends, not his woman. It’s one thing for a man to say, “Catherine Zeta Jones really turns me on,” and so, as a blonde, I do a little dress up and wear a dark wig for a night. It’s quite another for him to say, “I’m attracted to your best friend.” Get the difference? He will, more than likely, never have the opportunity to land a movie star, but he has access to my best friend (or that hot woman he points out at a restaurant). The second example is just WAY too close to home, and I don’t know of many women who would be comfortable with that conversation.
If a man is the kind of a dirtbag that would cheat on you or dump you for your best friend, then he was never worth your time, energy, or love. You’re well rid of him.
So, if you go on the assumption that if a man says he thinks your best friend is hot, is a jerk who would do her given half a chance, they you need to develop a better picker, for both boyfriends and best girl friends. Dump him AND dump her because you believing he WILL cheat with her means that both your bf and your bff are sh*ts.
It all comes down to how confident you are of your own judgment. If you believe you’re with a guy who will cheat, then you’ve picked a bad guy. If you believe your best friend will cheat with him, then you’ve picked a bad woman to be friends with.
Confidence is “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities” (Google definition). If you have real confidence, you trust your ability to judge a good guy from a bad one.
If you’re confident your guy has integrity, you won’t worry if he looks at or flirts with other women. Because there’s nothing to worry about. People with integrity don’t cheat. Period.
However, if you lack confidence that your guy has integrity, you might want to get sure before you decide to move in with him or marry him. Sometimes you don’t find out a guy lacks integrity until AFTER you’ve become his girlfriend (read that as after having had sex with him). If that is the case, you need to have the courage to dump him, no matter how much you love him. Because you CANNOT trust a man without integrity. He will make your life hell.
Everyone, man or woman, has the capacity to cheat. The world isn’t that black and white or defined as those with integrity or those without it. A woman may believe she has chosen a man with character and he very well may have it, but there is no guarantee of what will happen in the future.
Can we ever truly “make” anyone love us?
As a logical person, I couldn’t help but point out the fact that while everything Evan wrote about Allana’s wonderful traits (e.g. make a man feel like king, make a man want to do everything for her etc) should only be true to him personally. Evan shouldn’t make such grand statements about how other men feel towards Allana. It would be only possibly if 1) Evan has personally witnessed how Allana makes such an impact on many men and/ or 2) Many men have shared with Evan how they feel in Allana’s presence.
Personally after reading Evan’s gush about Allana and then watched the video, I felt disappointed and started to question the credibility of Evan’s opinions in general. The person I saw didn’t match up with the person I expected to see based on Evan’s description.