Where Do I Meet Single Men If I’m In My 40s?

young lady on binoculars

I am 44 years old and entering the dating scene again for the first time in 25 years. Where do you go to meet someone at my age? I am not doing the online singles sites…that is just scary to me. I don’t go to church. I am new in town, with a few happily married friends.I have four grown who are trying to set me up (I love them, but what a nightmare!!). What do single people do at 40 and over? So much of my time was taken up with caring for someone else that now I just don’t know how to fill that time. Any suggestions?


Thanks for highlighting an important principle for women over 40 seeking love:

You will not find it unless you do something differently.

You said it yourself. You’re new in town. Your friends are married. You don’t go to church. You won’t date online because it’s scary.

It’s about attracting men, understanding men, and making them want to stick around forever and ever. That’s what I do for my clients every single day.

What do you expect me to tell you? No, really. What?

Every day I get emails from women who want one-on-one dating coaching but don’t want to try online dating. I tell each one the same exact thing:

“If you’re dating a few men right now and can guarantee me that you’ll have at least one date a week for the duration of our time together, we can start coaching. If not, what exactly are we going to talk about for 12 weeks?”

They usually come back with a “Well, I thought, as a dating coach, you’d have some ideas on meeting men. Isn’t that what dating coaching is all about?”

No, that’s what articles in Marie Claire are all about:

“The Ten Top Spots to Meet Hot Guys!”

Here, I spared you the trouble of Googling it: The 44 Best Places to Meet Eligible Men

Without giving anything away, Loriann, here are the actual places that have been recommended by a site called AllWomensTalk: the bar, the market, online, church, the water cooler, newspapers, college, friends, the gym, restaurants, work, vacation, parks, airplanes.

Where does this leave you? Apparently, it means standing around a lot, hoping that a cute, age appropriate, interested single guy happens upon you at the bar, the market, college, the gym, restaurants, parks, and airplanes.

So if it’s not already abundantly clear, dating advice is not about WHERE to meet men. It’s about attracting men, understanding men, and making them want to stick around forever and ever. That’s what I do for my clients every single day.

As to where you meet men, yes, there’s one place that’s more effective in making introductions than 100 visits to Whole Foods and Art History class combined.

It’s called Match.com, it’s open 24 hours a day, and it costs a lot less than getting on a plane and hoping to sit next to a 45-year-old eligible bachelor. (To be clear, this isn’t an endorsement of Match, but rather an endorsement of online dating in general)

…if you won’t go outside your comfort zone, I can pretty much assure you that nothing’s going to change.

I highly suggest you get over your fear of online dating, not because it’s perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but because it’s ubiquitous and effective in creating opportunity. Rather than dip your toe in the water and give up because you’re intimidated, I highly encourage you to check out Finding the One Online, in which I hold your hand through the entire online dating process, from getting over your fears, to choosing a website, to writing a profile, to flirting with men and so on.

You don’t have to be single if you don’t want to be, Loriann. But if you won’t go outside your comfort zone, I can pretty much assure you that nothing’s going to change.

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  1. 1
    Christie Hartman

    There a couple of things one can do to meet people, particularly if over 40. 1) Get out of your routine. Eat out, grab coffee, and hang out at different places each week. Go to any party you're invited to, join clubs with people who do what you like to do, volunteer, get involved socially. 2) Online date, as Evan said. As a dating coach, I know that people resist it because they're scared to try something so unfamiliar to them. But it's like anything else – there's a way to do it successfully, and it's a great way to meet people you wouldn't normally meet.

    1. 1.1

      I have spent the last 11 years living in a big city and doing all of the things you suggest. I believe firmly in getting out of my comfort zone and in a sense, I am comfortable making myself uncomfortable. None of that has worked. Most of my interests are those that should be male dominated. (I like to build and remodel. I like baseball, I like kayaking, skiing, hiking, etc) All I have found is that I meet other women like myself who can’t meet anyone. And now that I’ve hit 40, online dating elicits contact from men who are 10+ years my senior (at best) because men my age are typically only interested in women 10 years younger than them. Or, if they are my age, they’re divorced with kids and so disillusioned by relationships that they don’t want either marriage or kids ever again. The parties I get invited to now are toddler birthday parties. My single friends don’t even have other single friends. While I think in theory that your advice is good, I have found that in practice, it is not me, it genuinely is them.

      1. 1.1.1

        Tina, this has been my experience as well. I studied every site on how to create a profile that does not attract the creeps, how to be positive, and how to date successfully. Yet most of the men, even on paid sites, turned out to be completely disordered and hiding behind technologically to establish the initial connection in order to get their latest victims hooked. And yes they are mostly disillusioned and covertly bitter. My last date continually lied  about wanting a relationship and being single when in reality, he was  actually living with someone! So I will continue to try and meet people, both women friends and men in real life, but online dating is definitely not the cure-all as can be seen through a Google search for “why online dating doesn’t work”. Here’s to a rich, full life for both of us in whatever form that takes, whether with a partner or not. ♥

        1. Terresa Riedel

          Yep same experience here too! It seems to be an impossible world for a 40 something successful, educated woman of value….Why is that?

        2. Andrea

          Well said. And my experience as well.

      2. 1.1.2

        Same experience…!!

      3. 1.1.3


      4. 1.1.4

        Oh, wow, that’s EXACTLY my experience! I guess I’m not alone…

        1. mary

          Same here. Unbelievable

      5. 1.1.5

        You are spot on, Tina.   And you get a lot of guys who are  on the rebound on dating sites, too.

      6. 1.1.6

        I understand these frustrations.   I’m younger (36 now) but went through a lot of the same thing when I dated online (getting contacted by much older people I had zero interest in, seeing the men I did want chasing younger women, etc.)   But I also met my boyfriend on there, and he was more than worth the wait.   The quality prospects might not be as plentiful as you’d like, but they are out there.   I also know 40-something women who find boyfriends and even husbands online, so I know it must be possible.

        As for divorced people, I wouldn’t necessarily assume they’re disillusioned just from being divorced.   Another former colleague of mine got divorced not just once, but twice (and they sound like ugly divorces, not even amicable ones).   She still managed to find true love with her third husband now.

        And this third one had two divorces under his belt too.   The second one was like something out of a TV movie of the week.   One day he came home and the closets were just cleaned out, with no trace of her.   The only contact she made with him afterwards was to serve the divorce papers.   They both had more than enough reason to have gotten disillusioned and given up on love, with four nasty divorces between them!   However, now they’re happy as can be with each other.   If they could get past their bad experiences to find love, anyone could.   Don’t give up yet!

        1. Erica

          As a 35 year old seeking someone over 40, doesn’t matter if they have kids, but have to still be open to having them, I would feel extremely lucky to be contacted by “uninteresting” older guys. Unfortunately, I only get contacted by guys that are under 30 online… way opposite prob.

          Fitness is important, but it’s possible to still have abs in your late forties, right? Anyway, I googled how to find a single man in his forties, and this was the #1 result so I thought I would comment.

        2. Daniella

          I’m 44 and have never been married, but always wanted to be and still have faith that I will.   Sometimes, though I get frustrated and want to give up – Why not me!   All I want is an  educated, confident, loving, sweet guy who loves Jesus, nature and enjoys being a goofball too! LOL!   Reading your post gives me some hope that my lifelong dream could actually come true.   I pray to God that after waiting my whole life I’ll finally meet him –  it’s time and I deserve it just like everyone else!

        3. Anne

          I think divorced people have an easier time finding each other though and remarrying. They have a shared past/history and can relate to each other. But if you are a blank slate (never married) it’s a lot harder!

        4. Jennyfer

          Your response was so refreshing!!

      7. 1.1.7

        Wow! I could not have said that better. I have had the exact same experience.   I believe it is them also.   I am in awe with the victim mentality and the hostility towards woman.   I also like outdoor activities and   I’m in great shape and I have went out of my comfort zone.   The dating sites are horrible.    I get the exact same thing, men way too old or men only looking for sex.   I have gotten plenty of dates but I end up stuck foo an hour listening to them bash their “Crazy” exes.   I am unwilling to go on a second date. There just has to be a better way to meet a half way decent man then the dating sites.



        1. Sandy

          I’ve had exactly the same e xperience – met many guys, went on many dates. Twice I thought ok I’d found someone. The first was divorced and disillusioned …..didn’t want a serious relationship even though he claimed to at the beginning. The second was the worst – he was almost perfect then one day said …. “I can’t be in a relationship, I’m afraid of losing my freedom, maybe I’m single inside ….”

          I’m still meeting guys mainly from online sites but I’m losing my optimism ….

        2. Lisa

          Same experience.    Disillusioned men who can’t commit or way too old.   This article seems to miss the point.    The majority of men on dating sites are NOT looking for what women are looking for– I note the only positive comment on here was from a woman in her 30s.    She doesn’t get how much it changes post 40 when your choice between commitmentphobes and old men.   If you meet someone organically, you can only hope his motives are different.

      8. 1.1.8

        Same experience here. Except I’m   a 45 yr old man possibly looking to date. I’m having the same trouble. It’s like…where is everyone? It can’t be just me.

        1. karl harrison

          i am male 44 and been single for 10 yrs i tried dating sites and couldnt get a date lol

        2. Chris ann


        3. sima

          Hope you’ll find someone soon 🙂

        4. Ami

          Hi yea where is everybody lol

        5. mel

          understand where you are coming from as I’m a 48 yr old woman .
          Feel as if I’m the only divorcee in the world. How do u possibly meet people without going on dating site!!

        6. Buck25

          It’s called “having a social life”, as in finding some single friends with common interests and activities, instead of staying home curled up in front of your computer screen having a pity party. Try taking a class, or joining a club (something that men are interested in too).

      9. 1.1.9

        lonliness kills the body and heart

        1. lulu


        2. viad nana sackey

          yes loneliness can kill u ar righ of ur saying at times u need someone to talk to but u find no one yes yes its a big killer

        3. Robin

          Yes, it does. 🙁

      10. 1.1.10

        Yes! Same experience for me as well! I tried writing different profiles an it’s been 6yrs now. I get men that are older than me. I try to politely declined saying I have a young father and it’s just weird to me.   Well it doesn’t go over to well.   I look young for my age, an that doesn’t even help. The best part of all was when I got a stalker! I had to go to court an everything!      I’m glad I’m not alone. It helps to see that theirs not something wrong with me.   My friends give advice saying your not putting yourself out their…ha really! Speaking from a person that got the only available bachelor in church.   Good luck to all of you. Were not alone.

      11. 1.1.11

        Exactly. I’m 40, all of my friends are married and/or have kids, so they can’t ever do anything because they either have a baby or they’re shuttling teenagers around. I don’t go to church. I work in an industry that is monopolized by women. I have volunteered for a few groups, but every man I met was seeing someone or married or gay, or they just weren’t interested in me.

        I have done online dating on and off for 15 years. When I was younger, I met a lot of people that way, but now that I’m a little older, I find that the only men who answer or make contact with me are over 60 or under 25. Most of them don’t have anything to say, or they have kids and can’t do anything, or they’re thugs or unemployed alcoholics with PTSD, or rabid Trump fans. I’ve found that a lot of men don’t pay for the memberships, so they can’t send messages to initiate a conversation. I’m not scared to meet people online, but it’s a bit discouraging when the only prospects who are interested in you are old, paunchy, divorced/widowed men with kids or young unemployed thugs who just want a cougar.

        I’m not sure where this magical online dating place is where truly wonderful people are just waiting to meet, but it’s not on POF, match.com, matchmaker.com, chemistry.com, or any of the other half dozen sites I belong to.

        1. rachel

          As I read your response I had to double check it wasn’t me who wrote it several yearsago. Everything   you said I’ve been through.

      12. 1.1.12

        Sadly you are right! I can’t remember the last time I met a guy who was single! I have lots of male friends, I am part of a running club, I am even in the military but still all I meet is married, attached or gay guys.   As a child of the 70’s I am convinced there was a boom in girls (apparently of the 17 babies born in my hospital 16 were girls) so sadly the numbers are against us. And by the way I also has lots of single female friends going through this too.   I have tried online dating though and often found guys my ages wanted women 20/30 years old.   I am not trying to be doom and gloom here but it is a bit patronising to assume we’re not trying to find guys they just don’t exist!

        1. Rob

          I am a man about same age and feel the same way about women, I just don’t know where to find them.     I am separated and also in the military.   I try to go to different places that I know women will be like the grocery, mall, church, library but the women I am attracted to seem preoccupied with their lives and there isn’t exactly a sign over their heads saying they are even available. I can only hope that by working out hard every day that eventually I will stand out from the crowd and women will be a bit more amicable.

      13. 1.1.13

        I understand how you feel. I’m 34 and men want women in their early 20’s I lost hope. I rather stay single

      14. 1.1.14

        Absoulty true for me as well.   Men in their 40s want younger women. Also I just don’t find 95% of them physically attractive.   This notion that   men age better than women is a farce. Most men in their 40s these days look as if they’re in their 50s and 60s to me.   Add in the baggage and children and it’s a huge no for me!

        1. Fromkin

          So you’d only consider the best-looking 5%, or even fewer of us once kids are mentioned?

        2. May

          Lol so absolutely true! I’m a 50 yr old female and I find most men in my age bracket old looking. People naturally assume I will be dating men 55-61 but many of these men are “grandfatherly” looking to me. Just 6 months ago I was carded by a young guy when I tried to purchase the lottery. I asked him why I needed to show him ID. He told me he wanted to ensure that I was over 19! Ok, maybe he’s a really poor judge when it comes to a woman’s age. But generally I get mistaken for someone in my mid 30s. There is no way I will be attracted to someone who looks 50. Sorry just my 2 cents.

        3. Hannah

          so true Brigette, I agree with you.

        4. Laura

          Oh my word I know exactly what you mean. I love in hope but honestly some of the odd people I’ve spoken to on there is ridiculous. I recently had a man message me about meeting up. We agreed a date, time and venue and the next messages he wrote to me were about how many bodies he had seen of his family and that he was depressed and was better off in a relationship.

        5. Michael

          Hi Brigette,

          I am a male in his mid 40’s and also single. I would like to say I have to agree with you about men ageing better than women. It’s completely B.S.

          But, I believe a key factor why we’re all single is in something you said. You feel men past 40 look like they’re in their 50’s or older and are not attracted to 95% of them. Unfortunately, alot of men feel the same of women. That’s why they tend to try and find a relationship with younger females. Also at our age it is really hard to find someone without baggage and children. I guess to a degree we need to all learn to get past physical appearances or just learn to be comfortable being single.

          I hope you find your soulmate soon if you haven’t already. Take care 🙂



        6. Jennyfer

          I feel the same way!!

        7. Ann

          I honestly think most of them are in their 50s and 60s but lying about their age. None of my friends’ husbands or boyfriends look as old as these men online.

      15. 1.1.15


      16. 1.1.16

        I totally agree with you. On point.

      17. 1.1.17
        sue smaller

        My experience exactly. I’m now 60, divorced at 40. Since my divorce, I met one “eligible” bachelor who died of a sudden heart attack soon after asking me to marry him. Fortunately, I’ve had my career and friends to keep me busy.   I do volunteer work, joined the Rotary club, joined a church singles group, go on meetups, ballroom dance, have done the online dating thing etc. etc. Up until four years ago, I had my dad to help me out. I was devastated when he died, because he was my best friend and confidant.

        I’m really interested in life extension, and fortunately I’ve made enough money that I can afford some of the more extreme measures, which actually seem to work. I’m smart, slender, and have been called “gorgeous” even at 60. I take dance, aerobic, and yoga lessons throughout the week.

        Everyone I meet thinks of someone they would like to set me up with. Unfortunately, that someone is usually a  dedicated bachelor who is one hundred pounds overweight, and does not want any woman in his life, at least not on a permanent basis. (I believe they all do one-night stands.)

        When I was in my 20’s I was so desirable, I was always involved in a relationship.

        Now men won’t even look me in the eye. There are so many women in the same boat, it’s scary, and I try to convince myself that it’s going to be all right to be alone for the rest of my life. But it isn’t. It’s not ok. It’s horrifying to think I might have 20 more years of this, or worse.

        One has to think that, were the situation reversed, with men having the same problem, the men of the world would have figured out a solution to the problem. It’s sad to think that no one wants a middle-aged woman, no matter how accomplished, how smart, or how beautiful.

        Sometimes I think it’s because men are addicted to porn, and so their standards are impossible. I don’t know how to solve the problem. Some women go the “husband sharing” route. I’ve refused to go down that path, at least to a point. But there are times when I need to bend an ear, and, usually the person who will listen to me is an old boyfriend, now married.

        I could make a ton of money off of lonely middle-aged women if I wanted to be a coach.

        The only advice I can offer is to do the things I’ve done as substitutes for the real thing and don’t expect miracles. See this part of your life as an opportunity to do the things you’ve always wanted to do, but couldn’t because you were tied down.




      18. 1.1.18

        I agree totally!   As a 40 year old who still holds out hope of getting married and having a family, I find that men 15+ years older than me contact me in the hopes of getting a trophy wife and men in their 20s contact me wanting to have a “cougar” experience (though I think the 40s only qualify me as a “puma”!).    I feel completely invisible to the educated, available men in my age range.   While I get it… they are looking at me thinking “I want to have a family, she may be too old…”, I want to scream that all my parts are still working!   It is beyond frustrating.   While it helps to know that there are others in the same boat, I fear that there will be a whole generation of us who miss out on the full version of the life we imagined…

      19. 1.1.19

        Well said. And my experience as well.

      20. 1.1.20

        Agreed, that’s so bang on. You speak my experience exactly. Except after many many years of that I have now lost a lot of hearing and cannot go to those noisy places anymore to meet people and date.

        1. J

          I’m over 40, have been single since I divorced ten years ago, and have had the same issues. I don’t know where to meet available men my age. I thought joining some classes might help me meet some, or at least make friends, but no. I’m involved in different fitness programs, and never meet available men my age, they’re all in relationships if they aren’t gay.

          The only men I seem to attract are 10+ years older (seemingly when women in their 30s and 20s don’t show interest), or the other end of the spectrum and young men that either want that “older woman” experience or have mommy issues.

          I have not tried online dating, and it looks like I’ve saved myself a lot of money and grief; I see my fears of it confirmed by other comments here.

          I’ve come to the conclusion that a second chance at love isn’t in the cards for me. I’m only fooling myself otherwise. Meh

      21. 1.1.21

        Tina, I’m in the same boat. I can’t try any harder. I used to model for a big agency in the city. But I’m older now. I have a sailboat. Love to sail. Most of friends are guys & love me as a friend. The only guys that would have sex with me are old fat guys that can hardly breath. I date,but they all want to be good friends.I’m always the 2nd choice.

      22. 1.1.22

        You have described me to a T, Tina. Nothing but married men in my face or you ger guys that want a cougar for play. I’m 39.

      23. 1.1.23

        This is my experience too, But, I don’t even get invited to toddlers parties anymore! The single over 40– under 55 men I meet all have extraordinarily stressful lives. They have exes, kids, businesses to run, work travel, sports, and insomnia. The ones who don’t have this lifestyle are far less educated than I am. I know that is snobby, but I am not going to fall in love with a man who says he can’t understand what I am talking about because I use “big words.” Online dating has only been awkward and forced. I tried it & I don’t like it.

    2. 1.2

      Online is a waste of time, and Match.com makes you pay to send or read your messages.   I could be sending heartfelt, long and meaningful messages to someone who can’t even read them.   Online is also full of people who are narcissistic, who want to put in their preferences, (i.e someone in ___ age range, with ____ hair color, _____ eye color, taller than x’ x”,   who earns at least $—–. ) I am sorry that I fell half inch short or three thousand dollars too poor for you.   Of course, since you’re online you must be rather desperate yourself, maybe time to change your expectation.   People online never want to meet in person, they mainly want to email, look at photos and fantasize.

      1. 1.2.1

        I’ve joined several dating sites but eventually deleted my profiles. I tried datings, not that i’m desperate or a narcissist but because i became curious if i could attract somebody from another culture from the other side of the world.  but i guess dating sites are not for me.

        1. Frieda

          I tried on line dating for quite a while. I am a woman, a little older, never married and no children. I am positive there is one man out there for me.

          That said, my on line dating experience was so demoralizing I stopped doing it after 3 years.

          I posted lots of personal details and beautiful photos of myself and got MANY replies from unsuitable men (married, lived in another state or country, way to young, looked very unhealthy). I just deleted my profile.

          I had a few dates, a few broken dates, a few phone calls with/from men that were definitely not interested in actually meeting, men who were interested only in sex. The list goes on.

          I am sure if I left my profile on there long enough and searched long enough I would have met a man. But after three years of demoralizing experiences I gave up with on line dating.

          I met one nice man on line. We ended up as friends. He found a nice woman on line that he really hit it off with. He was the only really genuine, nice, single man I met in 3 years who was actually interested in having a real relationship and was physically healthy.

          I’ve been stood up, had men lunging at me, lying about their marital status, etc. I just got tired of displaying nice pictures of myself and details about my age. No man in real life ever asks me my age – except my doctor. I make it clear that I cannot provide them with a child. That seems to be the most pertinent fact.

          It seems to me that if a woman cannot provide a child, men expect that she can provide carefree sex (they call it casual sex) and a non commital relationship. That is not the page I am on. The guys seem to want sex, kids or money.

          Most did not seem to be seeking a meaningful relationship. It was rough. My ego took a real bruising so I quit.

          I liked one of the suggestions one commentator left about meet up groups. That seems like a nice, activity oriented way to meet new people in a group setting. Still about as much of a crap shoot as on line dating, but at least I am not posting lots of personal photos on line. I became very uncomfortable doing that.

      2. 1.2.2

        You’re right about that look at photos and fantasize thing. I get tired of people asking for more and more photos when I am trying to get to know them online. I always put photos with my profiles, but goodness! I don’t sit around taking selfies all day or go around asking people to take pictures of me all the time! LOL. You’re right about folks having all these very specific characteristics outlined for the person he/she is trying to find too. I once had a man who was just out of his mind (he proceeded to tell me about how he would go about killing himself if he committed suicide) give me this whole laundry list of things he liked about me (beautiful face, beautiful hair, very smart, etc.) but then said that he was only interested in women who were about a size 10! LOL.

        1. Lin

          The men asking for photos most likely are addicted to porn and could be superimposing your image on another woman’s body. I also don’t understand why men feel the need to send photo of their privates. Women aren’t into that.

      3. 1.2.3

        I am single because my “committed” boyfriend of two years can’t possibly get enough attention from one woman. After the infidelity was uncovered, his therapist diagnosed him with borderline personality disorder. I met him in person. He was my daughter’s high school teacher. If you read his profile, you would have no idea how completely dishonest he actually is. He even forgot to crop my hair out of one of his profile pics… Folks, this is what you are getting online with few exceptions. Some unsuspecting woman/ man’s “committed” partner, someone with deep-rooted issues. Before I receive a plethora of responses accusing me of being bitter, I would like to assure you that I am not. Unfortunately, I loved him completely, even flawed and struggling with mental illness. I won’t regret my ability to love and know that I will love again. However, prior to dating him, I was on the other side of the online dating world, often meeting men who concealed their girlfriends and wives. Online dating sites are an easy escape for reality….a quick option when you don’t want to do the work required to maintain a healthy relationship…like ordering takeout when you have a full pantry and just don’t feel like cooking. It’s tragic.

  2. 2

    You don't have to pay to date, either – I've never used them but Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid are both free, I think.  So is Meetup, and that might be a better way to just get involved with activities that you enjoy without it creating the kind of pressure/fear that the LW is experiencing currently.  Even joining some mixed-gender groups revolving around an activity will increase her social base, and they may be able to set her up with "pre-screened" folks.

    1. 2.1


      Uh….what is an LW?


      1. 2.1.1

        LW = Lone Wolf   … Normally


        Here she may mean Lone Woman.

        1. catherine

          LW= letter writer

  3. 3

    I would be curious to know why she finds online dating "scary" — that's a very specific word — is she afraid that someone will stalk and harm her? Or is it she's more "embarrassed" to have a picture/profile up / that people she knows might see her online….

    1. 3.1

      Online dating is scary especially if you are  H female.   My online dating experiences have given me a bunch of messages from men that I  would never give a second glance at.   One of them I recognized from him being arraigned for family violence.   (I am an attorney.)   I recognized him by his lovely neck tattoo.   I also received plenty of cheesy pick up lines and I love how all of the old men find me appealing.   I am not looking for an old man or a sugar daddy.   My first date was lovely.   My date was offended and elected to attempt to insult me when I didn’t want to sleep with him.   He changed when I actually met him.   I did google and research him.   I don’t wish my experiences on anyone else but I regret paying for this experience.   I also have to add that I already knew most of the decent guys that were online.  

      1. 3.1.1

        Gywnn, I hate to be that pessimistic female, but I am.   I endured your exact experiences 8 years ago, when I gave up.   I got lots of interest from older men.   After dating 6 or 7 different guys for very brief periods of time, I gave up when the last one got angry with him for not sleeping with him after 2 weeks.  

      2. 3.1.2

        My experiences were very similar.   I tried all the major online dating sites for years.   I’ve had a few not ver long term relationships come out of them, and all of them I realized, sooner or later, were not for me.   I tried to keep an open mind and I wrote positive profiles, but I finally decided that the vast majority of men my age who were doing online dating, were either uninterested in or unready for a serious relationship.   I have yet to meet that guy.   I gave up on online dating because there are way too many playboys and wounded animals to try to weed out.   I’d rather meet men in a no-expectations setting and get to know them first, while doing things I enjoy, than spending that time making just dating a major hobby.

        1. Smita

          My sentiments, exactly.

        2. Tigris

          I whole heartedly agree with your statement Q. Hatsheput!    I can’t stand how well meaning therapists and friends insist that the best way to meet guys is online.   No I do not agree with that sentiment I would rather live my life and have love find me organically.   I have tried it in the past and realized it wasn’t for me.  

      3. 3.1.3

        I also am against on line sites as a way to meet people.   I have attempted them all and ALL of the connections I had with men went consistently like this: Text and talk for about 2-4wks, set up an agreed day/time/place to meet and either they stood me up or assumed we were meeting for a ‘date’ to decide whose home we would be having sex at.   Christian Mingle and POF by far were the worst! Be afraid, very afraid!

        1. Emma

          I have met the most unChristian men on ChristianMingle!!   Don’t get me started!

        2. Jules

          Your assessment is right on the money! Those “Christian” dating sites ARE scary. I find that most of the guys on there are looking for Bible Barbie and/or are bigger perverts than the guys on “regular” dating sites. No thanks!

        3. MilkyMae

          It’s strange how the topic of being “stood up” is not discussed very often when it’s so common for internet dates.   Even if you talk on the phone and confirm a date on the day of the date, people don’t show up or they send you a last minute text.   It’s frustrating and embarrassing too.   To make matters worse, some of these losers will keep sending you messages after they flake out.

    2. 3.2

      Well, David I can’t speak for anyone specific but I think I can generally speaking it’s scary for women to draw men in we don’t know. Men are stronger physically and that thought of physical overpowering is something we subconsciously consider. We want men that are going to use their strength to protect, not over power us. If we get the wrong emotional connection and can’t get rid of him in a healthy way we have to deal with stalking or scared he might try something. I need to sleep at night and if I’m putting my pic and profile up I want to feel safe.some men say strange things online later as you go along   and there are moments when you regret or wonder if you gave him too much info.   We need to protect ourselves and that instinct is always in us. That’s why men have to prove so much to us. We need to feel like you are normal! Everyone is strange until proven normal really.   Anyone can be online. So bear with us and understand we need to be cautious. Your job is to be patient with gaining our trust, don’t take it personal because we hear the same things over and over, and don’t push us. Make us feel safe and honor when we are or aren’t ready for phone or meeting.   It’s not personal, a girl just wants to keep her privacy until she feels safe.

    3. 3.3
      sharon clarke

      Its easy access , for already attatched people , some are always looking for extra , i suppose already attatched are never happy , or they would not be on there. Do not see the point being somewhere where you need to look elsewhere as well. How about accepting the norm instead of looking for what becomes the norm anyway. Ooh thats scary.



    4. 3.4

      Scary, as in murder and physically hurting me.   In today’s world how can you know someone can be trusted?

  4. 4

    David – I can't speak for LoriAnn, but as for myself (55, widowed), the scary  of online dating for me is about personal safety. I couldn't care less if someone I knew saw my profile. (I guess that's one of the advantages of self confidence that comes with age – no fear of making a fool of yourself!)

  5. 5

    I agree with Evan that you need to get over your fear of online dating!  I was divorced after being married for 22yrs and online dating helped me ease back in to dating.  I got to know a lot of different men and it was fun emailing and chatting.  I think in any type of situation you have to be careful because you can meet someone who will be deceptive in some way.  I find online dating to be safe because you can ask those uncomfortable questions about who a person is, in the safety of your own space.  I won't meet any man who won't give me his last name and where he works, phone number, etc.  I then google them just to see if something pops up.  Most good men understand a single woman has to be extra careful.  Those that don't, they don't get a date with me!  Always meet in a public place a few times before you feel comfortable.  If you still don't want to take the plunge, pick up some classes with a hobby you have wanted to get into.  Be open and carry yourself in a way that makes you approachable.  But really think more about getting Evan's help.  He has truly helped me in many ways, to understanding relationships.  Good luck!

    1. 5.1

      No offense Cindy, but reading your post reminded me of some women I dated, and they were absolutely horrible relationships.

      Also, your little detective work would screw you out of some great guys if you are too harsh. I can totally understand if the guy pops up with a history of violence or drug arrests, but my friend is a member of a not so exclusive club. See, many men here in Florida get a restraining order put on them. It pretty much goes like this…women here often use them as power plays. Men with no history of violence end up with them. Biggest reason is that they don’t think they need to get a lawyer. Without a lawyer, a judge will almost always grant it.

      Here’s the worst part. For a long time, the state used to hold both parties accountable to the order. Not anymore. The lawyers got the State’s Attorney’s office to stop prosecuting the women when the order was violated. Why? Because when they know they won’t get prosecuted, they turn the guy in. What happens a lot is the woman asks for a restraining order. A woman who issues them said it is the most abused section of the law. So she asks for it, and the guy either doesn’t fight it, or doesn’t get a lawyer. Most guys don’t realize how serious hey are.

      OK, so a six month, or 1 year order may be in place. But after a couple of months, the woman makes contact, if it takes that long. The couple then start meeting on the sly. Dumb move for the guy, but many do it, trying to patch up a marriage or relationship. Anyway, at some point, the woman gets mad again, and when she does, she calls the cops on him. Guys have been arrested with the woman in his car. Doesn’t that sound dumb? Why arrest the guy when she got into his car? Or his apartment? Yet it happens.

      But by all means do the check.

      One of the women I had a short relationship with was like that. She was always checking up on me. And the thing is, if she had any kind of suspicion, she would never just come out and ask. She would try to beat around the bush. Why? Because she didn’t believe a guy would just be honest with her. For instance, one of her friends claimed that I hit on her. The truth? I did not. This other girl is a known trouble maker. She likes drama. Needs drama. She probably knew how my girlfriend was so suspicious and thus wanted to throw her in a tizzy. Well instead of just coming to me and asking me, she asked all of these weird questions trying to trip me up. It took weeks before I found out what she was up to. The thing is, I had verifiable proof as to where I was when I was supposedly hitting on her friend. But this was a pattern with her. And the worst part was, the only thing she would ever really believe was a negative finding. In other words, I am sure she always wondered if I really had hit on her friend. Had I told her I had, she owuld have believed that, even with the evidence that I could not have. So she was always digging, always playing detective. Good lord was it ever a nightmare.

      1. 5.1.1

        I was laughing while reading this plea for all the innocent men that wind up with restraining orders through absolutely no fault of their own.

        Sad that you think women are so gullible. You sound exactly like the type of person that should be avoided completely. Your extensive knowledge of the process leads me to believe you’ve been there, done that.

        1. JennLee

          The process is not the same in every state, and there is a lot of proof to what he said. It is true that both parties are not held to the order, which is crazy. Have you never known people that went through this? I have seen that where women I know have taken out restraining orders and then later, start contacting him, and go to meet with him. In fact, more often than not, the guy will insist that if she wants to meet, it has to be at his place, or his car, because he is under the false assumption that this gives him standing if they are caught together, or if she tries to get him arrested for violating the order.

          Yes there are cases where both men and women legitimately need protective orders against the other person, but there are many who do it as a way to gain the upper hand in a divorce, or some other situation.

          I do have a friend who works in this system, where the order is applied for, and she said it is ridiculous how often this is abused. But, she said the reason it happens is because too many people take it lightly. Big deal, a restraining order. Their attitude is that they don’t want to spend a bunch of money on a lawyer for something so trivial, but it’s not trivial. It is far more than just an official order telling you to stay away from somebody you may want to stay away from anyway. And in this information age, it is only going to get worse.

          If you think I am lying, go sit in a court where they award these restraining orders. You may have 100 to 200 people there, responding to an summons, but it is a good day if even a half dozen have a lawyer. And my friend told me that with a lawyer, most of the orders would not be granted. A lawyer knows what to ask, to prove that it is BS, and a lawyer knows the law, and what is and is not allowed. Not to mention that it is somewhat of a country club deal. The DO want it to be worth it to hire the lawyer. You aren’t going to get justice on the cheap.

        2. Victim of DV

          I totally agree with that sounding like he has fist hand knowledge of restraining orders..He sounds like the stalker I had.. well I mean that’s exactly what he would say. 6% of the population has individuals with sociopathic tendencies. My advice, date wisely, listen to your inner spirit and red flags-


          Best of luck.

        3. Scott

          You are naive if you don’t believe the stuff happens I know many men   That this is happened to.     Most women know if you do these tricks you went in court instantly….     The sky hit it right on the nail I know plenty of women where they’ve led the husband back call the cops a second time Just to put a final nail in the coffin.     I’m even helping a friend in New Mexico right now super religious guy going through a divorce the wife lowered and back again and said I love you I’m sorry then they had sex she called the cops immediately and said he raped her… Most these restraining orders are total bull plays by women.     At least in the group I hang out with its a bunch of engineers very cordial delicate type of guys..

      2. 5.1.2
        Victim of DV

        I understand there’s a certain amount of men who become victims, out of ignorance they get in trouble and don’t fight it, but reading what you said is exactly what the guy who went to prison for many years on do.esti violence. An order is an order, no matter how much you claim he was manipulated. One arrest may be excused but don’t let this example fog true issues and red flags. Stalkingredients and violation of restraining orders, in my opinion are nothing to ignore…it raises questions and people (*any gender) can and will minimize it. You will want to know if they take responsibility or continental to “minimize” or blame it on the other.

      3. 5.1.3

        I agree with Carol.   You sound like the Puppet Master of Drama.   You seek out unstable woman.   The whole story boils down to she didn’t trust you and the relationship should have ended there.   You take no responsibility.    The attorney is not talking about drama in an established relationship that you chose to continue.   She is talking about single woman making smart safe choices.   Men do not get date rapped, stalked, or murdered.    You do not fear that.   Woman fear that.You have no clue speaking out about something you know nothing about.   if someone put a false restaining order out on me, they would never see or hear from me again…..period.   if you even had a clue about abused woman than you might underdtand why one would get a restraining order against an animal and then choose to stupidly go back.   They go back because they have no where else to go and abuse is all they know.   It doesnt mean it didn’t happen.

  6. 6

    I think looking for ways to expand your social circle is just as practical, if not more productive than online dating. Take classes, join fitness groups, find the community social events, get involved in a fundraiser, crash AA meetings (KIDDING), learn to golf, join a country club, if you have a dog, make friends at the dog park.  DOn't just focus on meeting men, or even friends, just try to make more social acquiantances and expand your social world.  And if your kids find anyone cool to try to make a match with, give it a shot – they will screen out the weirdos!

    1. 6.1

      I think all of the ways you mentioned are great ways to meet men, and make new friends of the same sex as well.   Match is ALSO a good way to meet men, and when I was single, I just considered match.com to be one more tool in my tool box.   Through Meet-up.com, I met some very good men and had a few good dates, that just didn’t pan out due to mutual dis-interest in a romantic relationship, and I also met some really great female friends, with whom I still keep in contact with and get together with to this day.   I also did community service, socialized frequently with friends from my life before divorce. Not only a good way to expand your chance of meeting “the one”, but you can have an enjoyable time even if you don’t meet “the one”.   It just so happens that match.com worked for me, and I have no been happily re-married for over a year.   Did I have some bad or boring dates ?   You bet.   One guy did turn out to be a bit creepy, got a few creepy messages online, but nothing downright dangerous.   In fact, the worst of my dating experience was my persistant but harmless stalker that I met through a meet up event, not match.com.   ********************************************************One can find sporadic horror stories about online dating murders, but if you look at ALL murders, they happen in a variety of circumstances.   Biological family members murdering over various conflicts, mass school shooting, mass shootings at public events, long time spouses committing murder/suicide, etc.   Should we live apart and abandon all biological family members, home school our kids, and stop going out in public for fear of being murdered ?   No, just exercise common sense in all situations, and understand that NOTHING is 100% guaranteed.   The only guarantee is that we all die some day.   Focus on living the happiest most satisfactory life that you can, regardless of how long that life is.

  7. 7
    Evan Marc Katz

    @Victoria – Hey, have you ever heard about the serial killer who preys on 55-year-old women that he met on Match.com?

    Me neither.

    Enjoy online dating. 🙂

    1. 7.1

      Serial killer, no – but certainly plenty of abusive, sexually driven or just plain creepy men!   While I would not advocate living by fear, and common sense will help to screen potential dates, to make a comment like Evan – that implies that there is no rational basis for fearing online dating – is both judgmental and wrong.

      1. 7.1.1
        Karmic Equation

        One is more likely to die in a car accident than from an aviation accident. Should one then sell one’s car and only find jobs within walking distance or instead fly to work every day?
        By your reckoning, we should cater to people suffering from agoraphobia?
        There’s a thing called common sense and self-awareness, and being aware of our surroundings. There’s danger in almost everything we everyday. But those “possible” dangers shouldn’t stop us from doing something if that danger is neither imminent nor pervasive.

        1. Susan

          I dont find it scary in a safety sense. You have to be smart, meet at a coffee shop, make sure your car is right in front, etc. It’s doubtful the guy is there to   follow you home and murder you. Lol. Really doubtful. There is a difficult part though, in that, if you don’t have great looks, or willing to go out with men a lot older than you, it’s going to be rough. No matter how great your profile is, its initially about the photo. So, if you’re average, like me, you’re in a pool of thousands of average women, and yes, average men too, but they are generally looking for younger women. The odds are not great. There is also the fade-off that I experience 10 times out of 10. Well actually I havent had 10 connections to speak of but..The interest, then not interested. I keep my profile up, but I dont expect much!

    2. 7.2

      Actually, there is a true story on Investigation Discovery about a woman in her 50’s that met a man on Match.com. Yes, Match.com and they use it right in the reenactment.    She didn’t like him, didnt want to go on a second date so he stalked her and beat her to death.   She lived for a few hours before she died alone in her own garage. Woman need to be safe and make smart choices.   That doesn’t mean not dating or putting yourself out there to meet new people.   It just means smart, safe choices.    If someone gives you bad vives, go with it and forget about being nice and polite. I am glad this is a big joke to you Evan. Try to understand where woman come from and be respectful. Men can very easily over power us.   Not all men have good intentions.

      1. 7.2.1

        I LOVE Investigation Discovery, and watch it all the time. There are about 100 times more stories on there about men and women being murdered by their long-time spouses for the life insurance money than there are about online dating horror stories.

        Should we then stop getting married as a society? Stop taking out life insurance on our spouses? There is a risk with everything for Pete’s sake.

        I’m not diminishing what you are saying about women being careful about their safety. I have online dated for years and I always pay close attention to my instincts and take the necessary safety precautions. These are the best defences you have for life IN GENERAL. But living in fear is no way to live at all.

    3. 7.3
      never edate

      Yes, Evan, I have.   He chopped up a young mother and dumped her body parts in neighborhood trash cans.   I think they found he killed three people.   Saw it on my Seattle news last year.   Met online.

      1. 7.3.1
        Evan Marc Katz

        You have one example – and there are undoubtedly a handful more. Yet there are tens of millions of online dates. You have as good a chance of dying in a car crash the next time you drive. I trust you will still get in the car.

  8. 8

    I understand that online dating can be scary, but it doesn't have to be! If you met a stranger in line at the grocery store, you'd likely meet him in public places on dates until you were comfortable having him in your home or going to his. The same rules apply in on line dating! Your instincts shouldn't change no matter where you meet a man. Usually, unless you meet someone through work or friends (and in each case, you'd have some frame of reference about who this man is), the first several dates are usually in public.
    Just as you have met men who made you uncomfortable while you were moving about in your everyday life, should you meet someone on line who makes you uncomfortable, you have options of getting him out of your life. The nice thing about match.com is that if a guy is causing you concern, you can report him and you can block him from being able to read your profile and/or contact you from the site.
    At the end of the day, it is about keeping your wits about you and staying tuned into what your gut is telling you about the guy. A strategy that I've used that has served me well is that I text at least two friends to give them the guy's first and last name, his phone number and the name of the place we are meeting and the time that we are meeting. This has worked wonderfully!! As women, we can always excuse ourselves to go to the restroom and if there is a problem with the date, you can phone a friend or text a friend, or if you are having a great time (which you probably will after being coached by Evan), you can send a text to your friends or family saying you are fine and that you are having a great time!!
    If I am uncomfortable on the date, at the end of the date, rather than letting the guy walk me to my car, I will say my goodbye to him (and let him know it was nice meeting him) inside the restaurant and say that I have to use the bathroom or pick up something at the grocery store next door and I will talk to him later.
    The take home message here is to come up with a plan for your safety and you will be just fine. Also, if you spend some time getting to know him on the phone (a few conversations) over the course of several days before you actually meet, you will get a pretty good feel for him!! Go for it and see what happens!!

  9. 9

    @7: This is the argument for online dating? “It’s unlikely that you’ll get murdered by a serial killer”?

    1. 9.1

      Thank you. Not very compelling.

  10. 10

    Loriann!  All the prior responses to mine have had great ideas.  Mostly I everyone including Evan is saying just get out there….it can happen anywhere at any time.  There are no specifics unfortunately.  I definitely have discovered that myself.  Mara was so right.  Hang in there there are alot of us in the same boat.  Online dating is foreign to alot of us. Eventually you will find your way through.  Give it a try and if you don't like it then just stop.  I have been on Plenty of Fish and numerous others.  Plenty of Fish I have stuck with…meeting some nice gentlemen.  Give it a try…just be smart and wise about who and where to meet….The normal guy off the street could also be a threat but you don't that right off the bat right? Same thing with online dating.  Relax, enjoy meeting people everywhere.  🙂

  11. 11

    eHarmony seems decent for less experienced daters who need alot of hand-holding.  But there are so many other dating sites out there though, and there are Meetups and dating clubs. Personally, I think that being new in town is a great lead-in for a profile. You could write a catchy headline based on being the "new kid on the block", looking for someone to show you the city! 
    I have an over-40 friend who won't do online dating because it feels too "artificial". She'll occasionally go to a meet-up or an event she's interested in, but basically, she just doesn't date at all. 

  12. 12
    Cathy J

    @6 Mara – I like your list.

    Online dating can be fine depending on where you live. eg if you live in Australia and are on a site that is US based you will most likely be knocked out by most matches on location.

    Re online dating being scary – I once took another friend with me when I caught up with the guy – I think he thought it a bit wierd but I am still unsure why. We are more comfortable around friends and meeting somewhere public for coffee especially with another friend seems wise. Others I know,male and female, just do it more subtley, have friends just happening to be in the same place or sitting a few tables away.

    Places to meet – anywhere that interests you… just meander, take it slowly. Make eye contact. Stop and smell the roses. Smile and laugh – that will attract the men to you.

    My last month’s theme was on Guy Magnet: Attract Love!

  13. 13

    This dynamic between how men approach online dating is very interesting to me. Mens attitude is basically whats the big deal? Lets meet and see if we have chemistry. For some women, it just seems like dating online is such a big deal, such a big commitment. Its coffee and conversation, not marriage! Relax, use common sense, and have fun. Dating should be fun.

    1. 13.1

      I agree that dating should be fun. I am in my 40’s and have mostly attracted younger men since my divorce but even men my age seem to expect sex immediately. This is fine if that is what you both want but I hate guys who pretend to “like you” and “want to get to know you” when all they really want is to hook up. I can respect a man that just says that up front more than one who pretends he wants more. Although I do not do “hook ups” nor do I go out with someone looking for marriage. I would love to meet someone and just go out, get to know each other, have fun and not feel like I’m going to be expected to sleep with them just because they bought me dinner. If the chemistry is there and both want a sexual relationship then that’s fine but sometimes just getting to know someone and like the above post said, just having fun would be nice.

      1. 13.1.1
        peter ochom

        Angela i have really liked your advise,

    2. 13.2

      @David: I think we have ptsd where dating is concerned. Too many bad relationship experiences to mention.

  14. 14

    I just canceled my Plenty Of Fish account.   The software wouldn't let me update my profile unless I provided Plenty Of Fish with information about income.

    The owner of the site decided he needed that information for a matching function he created and he is cutting features off for POF members who do not provide that information.

  15. 15

    You took a friend with you on a date and don't understand why the guy thought that's weird? Seriously? I mean, seriously?
    As women, we need to be cautious, but there's a line between being cautious and seeing killers everywhere.

  16. 16
    Cathy J

    No, wasn't thinking serial killer. 
    I suppose that's the difference – your dating expectations.  How do you know if you like someone and may want to get to know them better until you have spent some time hanging out.  Why does it need to be one on one?  This is why the singles dinner groups are so popular.  You get to meet new people in small groups where they are more likely to be relaxed.  I used to hold parties regularly and invite a few singles just so they would have the opportunity to meet other singles and relationships, friendship or potential romantic ones, could develop naturally.
    Wouldn't the world be boring if we were all the same 🙂

    1. 16.1

      Well, I also met a perfect   woman on-line, least that is what I thought. I suspect very strange reactions when she tried hard to convince who she was. Then I caught her mistakes. I played with her how far she could go with lies. I still don’t know who she is, why she wants to play with others hearts. I still do not know where I can find single woman. Volunteer, extra activities, going park, you do not have time to do if you have children at home. Wake up 6:00 am, send kids to school 7:00, work until 5:00 pm, diner at 6:30 pm. I could not find any extra time to do, so I turned on-line dating service. On-line dating service is necessary   evil. I will be optimistic and hope to find right woman someday, but don’t know how.


    2. 16.2

      Hi Cathy,

      I’ve always read that you should introduce a potential partner to your friends to see what they think.   I agree with you that it doesn’t have to be one on one until you feel comfortable.    I hear all this talk about instant chemistry which is great but I still want to like you.   How you interact with my friends and other people does matter.   Men are very visual by nature so they are primarily interested in how we look initially.    What they do not underdtand is that it takes us woman a while to decide if we even like them.   They have to make an effort and invest in us first.   It seems like the men on dating sites, only want a hookup and no effort on their part.   I think you are smart.   Do what makes you comfortable and is fun for you.   The great thing about it is if the date sucks, you do not like him, you can still hang out with your friend and have fun.   You ddidn’t waste an outfit or getting fixec up.

  17. 17

    Kinda makes you wonder why anyone who's familiar enough with Evan would email him THIS question?? When we all know as should anyone that's even vaguely  familiar with this site what the answer is. Unless you have a bar or bars  that specifically caters to an over 40 crowd like we used to have for 10 yrs in my area before it closed you have to do internet dating.
    Like Evan said by the end of your first full day on Match.com you'll have 75-100 guys wanting to take you out for a drink.Let's ask all the guys on here,which one of us wouldn't cut off a testicle just to have those numbers to be possible for men? Oh yeah,and you'll probably never have to pull out your wallet.
    On a different note I've noticed a lot of people in our area are using Meetup.com groups as a low pressure way to "meet people and mingle" without the pressure of going one on one and actually dating per se. You just join a "Meetup group" that has your interests and go hang out when they have a get together.You can see pics of all the people in the group on each site but people don't say any stats about themselves like a noraml dating site ie: age,height,weight,income and marital status that we've all come to love. Many people that are of Match,POF,Yahoo etc…. are in at least 1-5 Meetup groups as well.

  18. 18

    @Steve #13
    I'm curious as to why the owner of POF would make restrictions on the site based on providing income information. Is he trying to match people based on comparable incomes? I've never been on a dating site, but isn't it customary that discussion about income/financial resources come as part of getting to know someone, not before?
    I was raised that a person's income is no one else's business. I would be put off by such an inquiry on an internet site. Wonder what they were doing with such information. It just sounds…tacky.

  19. 19
    Karl R

    Loriann asked: (original post)
    "Where do you go to meet someone at my age?"
    I'm a 40 year old man. This isn't rocket science. The world is filled with men and women. There's no secret place to go. It's how you meet the men (or women) who are all around you.
    Loriann asked: (original post)
    "So much of my time was taken up with caring for someone else that now I just don't know how to fill that time. Any suggestions?"
    Get a hobby. Do something that you're passionate about. Try something new. You might meet new people. You'll definitely seem more interesting to anyone you meet.
    Loriann said: (original post)
    "I have four grown who are trying to set me up (I love them, but what a nightmare!!)."
    Why is this a nightmare? You're willing to ask a complete stranger on the internet for dating advice, but you think it's horrible that the people closest to you keep trying to introduce you to men who meet their approval? Given that the worst case scenario is that you meet someone you're not interested in, I'd say your nightmares are really bland.
    Loriann asked: (original post)
    "What do single people do at 40 and over?"
    The successful daters DO something. I sing in a church choir. I go to a couple yoga classes each week. I go to the dance studio and out dancing a few evenings per week. I go to the free outdoor theater….
    But I also met an attractive woman while sitting at the counter of a diner … while I was still wearing the same sweaty clothes I'd just exercised for 3 hours in.
    Every day you're someplace where you can meet men. Do you know what to do when you're there?

    1. 19.1

      How tall are you, Karl?

      1. 19.1.1
        Karl R


  20. 20

    I won't meet any man who won't give me his last name and where he works, phone number, etc.
    Has this been an effective strategy?
    I mean, *I* wouldn't answer similar questions about myself to someone I haven't even met yet!

    1. 20.1

      yes you are right

    2. 20.2

      Why do you need to know where he works? Are you going to tell him where you work?
      I don’t tell people who I have just met where I work or how to contact me there.


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