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Thank you and best regards,
Francesca
Sorry about your disappointment, Francesca.
You do sound like a bright woman and I know, rationally, it’s hard to take this at face value.
But as I wrote in Why He Disappeared, it doesn’t actually MATTER why he disappeared.
If everything is exactly as you describe it, then he didn’t want to sleep with another employee, which may be disappointing, but prudent.
My guess — for what it’s worth — is that if I asked him to describe this unusual four-week courtship, he’d probably tell a similar story with a few different details.
Listen, it’s possible that he’s just that cautious, but, in my opinion:
-a man who is truly interested in you will do more than text during the work day.
-a man who is truly interested in you rarely holds back from pushing forward sexually.
-a man who is truly interested in you does not let work get in the way — if anything, he is more likely to discuss your relationship with you to figure out how to pull it off while minimizing risk.
A man who is truly interested in you does not let work get in the way.
But the one paragraph that really suggested to me that you don’t have a clear grasp on the situation (or men) was this one:Which would lead me to believe, in doing the post-mortem on your non-relationship, that your chemistry wasn’t as strong as you believed and the feelings he expressed by text were impulsive trial balloons that didn’t actually fly.
“Do guys say “you take my breath away”, “I want to see you”, “I want to hold you”, but cannot commit to a relationship, just because they do not want to hurt your feelings?
No.
They say those things in the moment because that’s what they feel in the moment.
What they say when they don’t want to hurt your feelings is “Let’s stop this because we work together in the same office.”
It’s a lie, but it does down easier than the truth, which is that he just isn’t that into you.
When men are into you, they’ll move heaven and earth to make it happen.
When men are into you, they’ll move heaven and earth to make it happen.
Next time, pay attention to his effort to escalate things, make plans with you, and ask you to be his girlfriend. All are better reflections of a man’s feelings than a series of one-liners and emojis.
And if you’re still curious why men do not stick around after the first few weeks of dating, click here and I’ll explain it all.
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